Golden Keyes Parsons's Blog, page 12

The Hard Heart

The Hard Heart
Matters of the Heart Series

This is a difficult topic to address, but one we must hear. I write this blog in all humility, admonishing myself as well.

It is out of pure grace God comes to us.  He is the:

Author: “…the author and perfecter of our faith” (Heb. 12:2).
Aggressor: Think back to when you decided to follow Jesus. He came after you through the Holy Spirit. He wooed you. He drew you. (John 6:44-45)
Architect:  Of our triumphs, our troubles, our trials, our life. It is only through Him that life makes any sense. (Romans 8:28-29) (Tweet this)
Absolute Authority: With power to do his will. “Not in your own strength for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you – energizing and creating in you the power and desire – both to will and to work for his good pleasure and satisfaction and delight” (Ph.2:13 Amp). It is only through Him we have the ability to do His will. 

 

Listen! God wants to speak to you. “Speak Lord – your servant hears.” He wants to make sense of your life. (Tweet this!)  When does God desire to speak to you? Today.“Today if you would hear his voice, harden not your hearts” (Psalm 95:7-8 NASB).

“But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called Today; lest any of you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” (Heb. 3:13 NASB)

God gives life to us in daily chunks–24 hour daily compartments. If we don’t listen today, we become a compilation of piled up days. (Tweet this!) We become a summary of unexpressed responses to what the Lord has said. And a succession of those layers of yesterdays of not listening results in a life of unexpressed praise, of unexpressed responses. Our hearts become hard.

“And todays turn into yesterdays

And yesterdays turn into walls

The walls turn into mountains

And we are destined for a fall.” (Kathy Wright Gipson)

God does not promise us tomorrow – respond today!

What is a hardened heart? How do we know if we have begun to develop a hardened heart? A hard heart is one that continually resists the convictions and warnings and wooings of the Holy Spirit. (Tweet this!) And I’m not talking about lost people here. A hard heart can develop in the life of a Christian. The Hebrews 3 passage is written to the church.

It is dangerous to sit under the preaching of the Word week after week and not respond in obedience.
It is dangerous to sit in your pew and sing and praise and worship.
It is dangerous to listen to tapes …
… or go to conferences …
… or Women of Faith …
… or retreats and seminars
… or prayer breakfasts
… and not be changed!

 

My husband used to get amused at people leaving church who would say, “Sure enjoyed your sermon, Pastor.” He was temped many times to say, “I really don’t care whether you ‘enjoyed’ it or not. What are you going to do about it?” Did they even have a clue? Do we realize we are in a spiritual battle? It’s warfare. It’s serious!

Can’t you picture guys in the military? “Well, I think I’ll do this, Sarge, but I don’t feel like doing that. So I believe I’ll just sit this particular exercise out for today, thank you very much.” Yeah, right! A soldier has signed up for the Army, and it is the daily discipline of following the commander’s orders which prepares him for battle. An undisciplined soldier is no good in the battle, and is even dangerous to his fellow soldiers.

Somehow, we’ve gotten the idea we have a supermarket type Christianity. We go down the aisles of our faith, if you will, and we think to ourselves, “I believe I’ll have some of that, but I believe I’ll pass on this for right now.  This is too bitter,” or “That’s too hard.” That’s not the way my Bible reads. My Bible reads, “Today if you would hear His voice harden not your hearts.”

Questions to Ponder

Do you desire a Spirit led and filled life? Start today. Harden not your heart.
Are you trying desperately to solve your problems yourself? Turn the reins of power over to Jesus today. (Tweet this!) Harden not your heart. 
Begin praising God for his deliverance in all circumstances today. “In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (I Thess. 5:18). Praise him so that he will get the glory in every circumstance. Harden not your heart.
Is there some pet belief or tradition you are clinging to…even though God is pressing in? He’s calling you.
Is God wooing you, but you are afraid? Or even worse, your pride won’t release you. Lay it at His feet today.  Harden not your heart.

 

Questions for Discussion

Can anyone share a time in their life where the Lord helped them to let go of hardness in their heart and then they received a clear word from Him?
What are some things you do in your life that you have found keep your heart soft towards the Lord?

 

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31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage – #15 – Failure to Recognize Four Essential Elements of Marriage

31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage
#15 Failure to Recognize Four Essential Elements

Years ago I heard Gary Smalley teach that all four of these elements must be present in a marriage. Not one can be left out. If a woman, particularly, doesn’t get these four elements in the first years of her marriage, she begins to feel malnourished, emotionally and spiritually.

SECURITY - Security is the main need of a woman, and I’m not simply alluding to financial security. A woman needs to feel that her mate is “taking care of business.” Things that need to be done are getting taken care of. Simple things like car maintenance, lawn care, plans for the future (i.e. retirement), etc. It’s not that the wife can’t assist with the responsibility, but she needs to feel that her husband is protecting her from the stress of worrying about issues. It has been my observation that when a woman feels insecure, that’s when she becomes controlling and unsubmissive. (Tweet this!) She’s fearful if she doesn’t take control and take care of issues which are bothering her, they won’t get done. Husbands, take care of business so that your wife has a sense of security.
MEANINGFUL COMMUNICATION - You’ll notice I said “meaningful” communication. A man’s main need as far as communication is concerned is praise and respect. He needs to have it verbalized by the woman he loves. If a man feels he has what it takes, and the wife communicates praise to him, he flourishes. (Tweet this!) The average need for communication in a marriage is an hour a day. I don’t feel my husband and I need that much, but we do make a point to communicate with each other each day — in a meaningful way. It’s usually in the morning over our first cup of coffee. We talk about the day. Pray through issues we are concerned about. Check our schedules. We simply talk about anything on our minds. True intimacy is fact finding and that is done through meaningful communication.
ROMANTIC, EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES - There must be some effort to plan for romantic, emotional experiences or guess what? The romance will fade. (Tweet this!) A man needs the sexual outlet, but a woman needs romance. Although my books are not classified as romance novels, I do write some romance into them. So I’m continually exploring this. A little effort goes a long way with a woman: a card, helping with the housework, a foot/back rub, a special dinner at a nice restaurant, a flower on her pillow. Don’t wait for special occasions (don’t forget them though!). Do something “just because” some of the time. Often my husband picks a flower out of our yard and puts it in water in a vase and places it on the night stand on my side of the bed.
PHYSICAL TOUCH - Eighty percent of a woman’s touch needs are non-sexual. Gary Smalley says that it takes eight to twelve meaningful non-sexual touches a days to maintain touch needs – a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a touch on the arm. (Tweet this!) ‘Nuf said!

Again, all four of these elements must be present in a marriage. How’re you doing?

As you think through these four elements, which one do you believe your marriage is strongest in and why?
Please share success stories below of ways you’ve strengthened your marriage in these categories.

 

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The Broken Heart – Part 4

The Broken Heart – Part 4
Matters of the Heart Series

When we have a broken heart over our stumbling and failure, nothing blocks the flow of God’s Spirit from within us as much as an unwillingness to accept forgiveness and go on, and an unwillingness to love and forgive others. If we don’t accept His forgiveness and go on, we will repeat our failures. (Tweet this!) “I will forgive their iniquity and I will remember their sin against them no more” (Jeremiah 31:34).

What did Jesus say to the adulterous woman after forgiving her, and helping her rise from the dust of her shame? Get up, go on and sin no more! (Parsons paraphrase

The issue of unforgiveness and bitterness is huge, and is one I deal with in nearly every retreat or conference at which I speak. I am going to address the subject in detail in the next blog series on the Hard Heart, but for now, let’s do a quick check-up

Checkpoints for unforgiveness and bitterness:

1. Do you feel anyone owes you anything?

2. Is there anything in the midst of which you cannot give thanks?

Anybody can shout praise and gratitude in the midst of victory. But the test is, can you praise him in the midst of the struggle? (Tweet this!) While Jonah was still in the belly of the great fish, he began to praise the Lord. He didn’t wait until God delivered him. (Tweet this!) He praised him before he experienced deliverance.  (Jonah, chapter 2)

We received a jarring disappointment this week. One of those that shakes you to your core, and you don’t know what to do next. As we opened our bulletin and read the sermon title that Sunday morning, we simply looked at each other and laughed — Responding to Disappointment. Really? You’d think someone was reading our mail. Someone is. And that Someone loves and cares.

The whole sermon was Holy Spirit mind-blowing, but one thing pierced my heart and stayed there. The speaker said, “Disappointment brings us to a crisis of trust.” I can testify to that. Am I going to trust God and walk through this, or am I going to jump ship and get bitter? (Tweet this!)

“Trophy of his grace” describes a person who gives all the glory to God for what has happened to her through the struggles of life. Are you a trophy of His grace? Can people look at you and say “God has done a miraculous work in her life? She is a trophy of his grace?”

Questions:

 Checkpoints for bitterness and unforgiveness? How did you do?
 Is there any failure or offense for which you’ve not asked for forgiveness? Or for which you cannot forgive yourself?
Can you give thanks knowing that God is your salvation, and give him the glory in the midst of the heartache, failure and disappointment?
Ask God to give you a courageous heart and make you a trophy of his grace.

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31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage – #14 – Submission: Frustration or Freedom?

31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage
#14 Submission: Frustration or Freedom?

One would initially think this is written for the wives, but hold on. Let’s take a look at this submission issue. We are all to be submissive to God and to one another. Most teachers begin a teaching on submission with Ephesians 5:22: Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as (a service) to the Lord. But the verse right above that says: Be subject to one another out of reverence to Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One). Ephesians 5:21

After years of studying this passage, almost 50 years of marriage, and much bad teaching on the issue, here’s what I believe: It’s not about us. Both love and submission are about presenting a picture of Jesus to a lost world by how we submit to one another. (Tweet this!) We must all live under submission and under God’s control.

Three key words in the Ephesian passage:

“Head” — kephale’ – Being in the lead, the first one into battle.
“Be subject to” — hupotassomai – Voluntarily, willingly to place oneself at the disposition of.
“Love” — agapao – Not so much an emotion as an attitude or action.

 

The husband bears the responsibility of leading the family, being the point guard, shouldering the burden of the battle — the commanding officer, so to speak. And both hupotassomai and agapao involve voluntarily giving up one’s self-interest to serve and care for another’s. Wives are to hupotassomai their husbands; husbands are to agapao their wives.

I’ve observed couples through the years going through three levels while they sort out the love and submission issue.

Command – The couple knows it’s commanded in Scripture, and by golly, they’re gonna do it. This level does nothing but produce frustration and legalism.
Cooperation – The couple begins to experience a certain amount of freedom as they walk out Scripture and see that it works.
Celebration – Total freedom and trust in the biblical principle of love and submission and in God’s control of the couple’s marriage relationship and their testimony to the world.

 

The truth of Scripture does not bind us up. It sets us free. The enemy would take a principle that is meant to give us freedom and power and make it seem like legalism and frustration. (Tweet this!) Which is it for you and your spouse? Are you free or are you frustrated?

Can you think of stories from your own marriage where you passed through one of the three stages of command, cooperation, or celebration on this issue of submitting to one another?


How did the Lord work in the situation to show you that He was in control and His plan is good?

 

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The Broken Heart – Part 3

The Broken Heart – Part 3
Matters of the Heart Series

As discussed in the previous two blogs, all of us have experienced some sort of failure and/or heartache. We have all known the pain of a broken heart. What do we do with the shattered pieces of a broken heart?

Our heavenly Father wants us to completely trust Him with whatever comes our way. (Tweet this!) God wants to move you from a natural comfort to a supernatural comfort. He wants us to throw ourselves and our heartache on Him for comfort. His desire is for us to hand him those shattered pieces, trusting Him to work all things for good to those who love Him, and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

The problem is when our emotions are raw and screaming at us for relief, those emotions much of the time are stronger in our lives than God’s Truth (Tweet this!) , and we forget who we are.

When we make a mess of things, we get down on ourselves. Self-condemnation sets in and spills over as a judgmental and critical spirit toward others. We become depressed and throw a pity party for ourselves. We are called to reach out in love to others around us, but loving and affirming others is difficult when we are out of the flow of God’s love and acceptance of us. God wants to turn around for his glory what He has allowed in your life. He wants you to love freely. He wants you to reach out to others. He wants you to encourage others.

The Hebrew word for brokenness is the word shabar. It carries with it the concept of new birth. When we are broken, if we give it to God, He is birthing something within us. That’s good news!

Failures can be successes if they bring us to what He has for us. (Tweet this!)

Ph. 3:13b-14  “…forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us.” (Amp)

Which is stronger in your life … your emotions or God’s Truth? What do you need to do to strengthen your trust in what God is doing in your life? What is God birthing in your life? Remember, it is at the point of our brokenness we can find the destiny God has for us.

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31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage – #13 The Color of Money

31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage
#13 The Color of Money

Someone has said that if you want to know where a man’s heart lies, look at his check book. (Tweet this!) Or what about the old saying that you don’t mess with a person’s money or his kids. Or “For the love of money is the root of all sorts of evil … ” (I Tim 6:10)

The issue of finances in marriage is one of the main areas of conflict. We can have little, just enough to pay the bills or perhaps we are wealthy, but what determines our level of contentment depends on our attitude toward finances. (Tweet this!) Do we take a worldly view, or God’s view?

It’s attitude that I’m going to address in this blog — I’m not skilled in the area of preparing budgets and financial plans. I highly recommend Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University for that. My husband and I have never had a lot of money. We’ve served in ministry nearly all of our marriage, and when we did on occasion make some money on investments or inheritance, God led us to give it away in one aspect or another. But God has always been faithful, and we’ve had enough.

I believe that has been because we have acknowledged God in these areas:

(1) God owns it all and is an abundant, generous Father. “I have come that you might have life, and have it more abundantly.” John 10:10. The Amplified says, “till it overflows.”

(2) Giving is central to His plan. I could spend much time here giving testimony, but space does not permit. We have found that giving — the tithe and the offering — is the key that unlocks the doors to God’s provision. “Give and it shall be given to you … for whatever measure you deal out to others it will be dealt to you in return.” Luke 6:38.  Even when we didn’t think we could afford to give, we followed His leadership and He would prove to be faithful. Every time! (Tweet this!)

(3) Stay out of debt. ” … the borrower becomes the lender’s slave.” Proverbs 22:7

(4) Share the financial authority in your marriage. Here’s what I mean — the husband bears the final responsibility in the authority of the home, but he is not to control his wife and family by controlling the finances. Delegate responsibilities according to giftings. If the wife is better at accounting and keeping the books, delegate that to her. If the husband is better, he should do it. Decide who is to take care of what bills and then submit all finances under the authority of the husband. Work together. Be alert to what causes pressure on your mate and ease that for them. Many women do not like the stress of paying the bills. Take that stress off her, by taking care of it, but keep each other informed as to the status of each of your areas of responsibilities.

Be faithful in your finances, and God will honor that. “He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much.” Luke 16:10

What techniques have you used in your marriage to help lower the stress surrounding finances? Please share any stories you may have where the Lord directed you to give when it was difficult and then He miraculously provided for your needs.

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Golden’s Book Club Discusses ‘Hidden Faces’

Golden’s Book Club Discusses ‘Hidden Faces’ - A Video Blog

Last week I had the opportunity to sit down with my own book club and discuss the four novellas in the ‘Hidden Faces’ compilation. I am so thankful to be a part of this wonderful group of women. Below is a 15 minute YouTube video that includes the highlights of our time together. I hope my readers will take a few moments to watch and enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcrfXiFRbNU

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31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage – #12 Fantasy Love

31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage
#12 Fantasy Love

Now I know that some of the romantics reading this blog may disagree with me. And believe me, I know how much women love the idea of romance and being loved, protected and rescued by a knight in shining armor. (Tweet this!) I do write romance, you know But both partners must work hard at nurturing the relationship for the love to grow and develop into mature love or the bloom of that fantasy love soon turns into a wilted flower. Don and Sally Meredith cite the progression of a life without relationship in their Christian Family Life Seminar. Here’s what that looks like:

Phase 1 – Fantasy Love - The couple meet and date in circumstances that are idyllic and unreal. Then the couple decides to marry.

Phase 2 –  Reality – The realities of life come crashing down - job, finances, weaknesses of each spouse, children, illness, trials, in-laws, etc. (Tweet this!) Feelings begin to fluctuate. The love that the couple initially experienced disappears or is neutralized, and the couple begin to struggle against each other.

Phase 3 – Compromise – This is the point where the couple either divorce or a compromise relationship characterizes the marriage. They resign themselves to a mediocre relationship. Marriage is not a hope, but a problem. (Tweet this!) The couple avoid anything negative or unpleasant. A sense of believing that one’s mate is a hindrance to personal destiny instead of a support and encouragement. Here is the tragic reality – most seemingly “good marriages” are in reality two successful people doing their own thing.

Phase 4: The Day Of Bitterness - A woman becomes fearful as she ages, and a man hardens as he ages. (Tweet this!) Instead of the golden years, they become the death years. The two generalize their bitterness toward their children, employer, job or life in general.

It’s a tragic cycle, but, as pastors, we found it to be all too common. Ask the Lord to energize your marriage and work hard to avoid this destructive pattern. After being married for nearly 50 years now, I can testify that it’s worth it … and my husband and I are more in love today than we were the day we married basking in the glow of fantasy love.

What are some ways you have found to help keep your marital love alive over the years? In your early years of marriage, what good advice did you hear on this topic that has helped to keep your love and commitment alive toward your spouse as trials have come? What people have been your greatest cheerleaders on your marital journey? Please share stories below where someone gave you the encouragement you needed in a difficult moment to reenter your marriage with a fresh commitment to keep love alive.

If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends and subscribe to the blog by signing up below. You will receive my most popular recipe “Traditional Terrific Toffee” in your thank you email.

 

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The Broken Heart – Part 2

The Broken Heart – Part 2
Matters of the Heart Series

We all find ourselves broken in some manner at various points in our lives. Last week I provided a fairly extensive list of those failures, heartaches, stumblings and disappointments. I want to look this week at how Jesus views our broken hearts, whether it is through our own failure or that of others.

In John 8:1-11 we have the account of the adulterous woman. If that sounds familiar to you, you may have read or be familiar with my book, Trapped! The Adulterous Woman  In fact, it was during a time of teaching this study that the Lord gave me the idea for the book. Who was this woman? What really happened?

Although most of us think of her as a prostitute, many scholars believe she was a betrothed virgin who was used by the Pharisees to set Jesus up, to frame him, to trap him. That is the angle I take in the book. Though she was guilty, look at how Jesus deals with this situation — no condemnation. He confronts it with compassion and firmness at the same time.

Woman, where are your accusers? Has no man condemned you? She answered, No one, Lord! And Jesus said, Go on your way and from now on sin no more.” (vv 10-11 Amp)

That’s how Jesus deals with failure!

           Psalm 145:8 says: The Lord is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger and abounding in mercy and loving-kindness.

You see, God’s not mad at you. So many of us walk around bowed down and feeling guilty for past offenses that we are no earthly good in the heavenly kingdom. (Tweet this!) The enemy is beating us up because of our failures, but what Jesus says is, “Get up, go on and sin no more.”

Take care of the sin, by repenting, but then go on and don’t do that anymore. Look at vs. Psalm 145:14:

The Lord upholds those (of His own) who are falling…  (i.e. our own sin)

            ...and raises up all those who are bowed down.

This is terminology for a reed that has been bowed down because of the sun’s heat or blasts of wind, because of outside forces. So either way, whether it is because of our own failures or what has come our way through no fault of our own, the Lord is going to uphold us and raise us up.

There is no condemnation in Jesus’ eyes…Get up, go on and sin no more.

What kind of story or life message did this lady have after talking to Jesus? One of His love and compassion.

The truly Godly people I know have had some experience of their own insufficiency, and/or impotence or sinfulness, or heartache, and through that fall or failure have acquired the precious gift of tender love and compassion for others — and humility.  It is gained no other way. The people God uses most to bring glory to himself are those who are completely broken, (Tweet this!) for the sacrifice he accepts is a broken and contrite heart. (Ps. 51:17)

The call and the mission is to reach out in love to penetrate our world. How can we bring a message of hope and love and compassion and forgiveness if we’ve never experienced it? What hurt are you carrying today? What is breaking your heart? It is at the point of your brokenness and/or failure that God will pinpoint your destiny. Please share stories below about where the Lord has been faithful to mend a broken heart in the past for you or someone you love.

If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends and subscribe to the blog by signing up below. You will receive my most popular recipe “Traditional Terrific Toffee” in your thank you email.

 

 

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31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage – #11 The Myth of the 50/50 Relationship

31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage
#11 The Myth of the 50/50 Relationship

Most couples do not understand the biblical plan for marriage. They employ society’s plan which operates on a 50/50 performance relationship. In a 50/50 relationship:

Acceptance is based on performance. “You do your part, and I’ll do mine.”
Giving is based upon merit.
Affection is given when deserved.
Feelings are the motivation for action.

 

The problem with this philosophy is that it is impossible to believe that one’s spouse has met you half-way. We all marry with certain unrealistic expectations which our mate will never be able to live up to. (Tweet this!) Then those weaknesses become the focus of the relationship and hurt will be inflicted upon one another. Hurt paralyzes feelings and results in lower performance … and the cycle begins all over again.

The biblical pattern is almost opposite of the pattern of the world. Each partner is to give 100 per cent, not based upon performance, but simply upon the fact that he/she is your mate. We give to our spouse not based upon merit, but because we understand that when we give, we receive. (Tweet this!) Affection is offered, even lavished, because our God loves extravagantly, and we are to love each other extravagantly. Feelings are not the motivation for action, but our commitment to each other and our covenant before God. (Tweet this!) That creates an atmosphere in which both partners feel safe and secure and are able to function at their highest level to achieve their purpose in life.

Try giving over and above what your mate expects of you this week. Commit it to the Lord and see what happens.

Do you find it hard to have a 100 percent mentality in a 50/50 percent culture? What challenges do you find when you determine to go the ‘extra mile’ for your spouse? What keeps you motivated to live a selfless life inside of your most intimate relationship?

If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends and subscribe to the blog by signing up below. You will receive my most popular recipe “Traditional Terrific Toffee” in your thank you email.

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