31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage – #15 – Failure to Recognize Four Essential Elements of Marriage

31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage
#15 Failure to Recognize Four Essential Elements

Years ago I heard Gary Smalley teach that all four of these elements must be present in a marriage. Not one can be left out. If a woman, particularly, doesn’t get these four elements in the first years of her marriage, she begins to feel malnourished, emotionally and spiritually.

SECURITY - Security is the main need of a woman, and I’m not simply alluding to financial security. A woman needs to feel that her mate is “taking care of business.” Things that need to be done are getting taken care of. Simple things like car maintenance, lawn care, plans for the future (i.e. retirement), etc. It’s not that the wife can’t assist with the responsibility, but she needs to feel that her husband is protecting her from the stress of worrying about issues. It has been my observation that when a woman feels insecure, that’s when she becomes controlling and unsubmissive. (Tweet this!) She’s fearful if she doesn’t take control and take care of issues which are bothering her, they won’t get done. Husbands, take care of business so that your wife has a sense of security.
MEANINGFUL COMMUNICATION - You’ll notice I said “meaningful” communication. A man’s main need as far as communication is concerned is praise and respect. He needs to have it verbalized by the woman he loves. If a man feels he has what it takes, and the wife communicates praise to him, he flourishes. (Tweet this!) The average need for communication in a marriage is an hour a day. I don’t feel my husband and I need that much, but we do make a point to communicate with each other each day — in a meaningful way. It’s usually in the morning over our first cup of coffee. We talk about the day. Pray through issues we are concerned about. Check our schedules. We simply talk about anything on our minds. True intimacy is fact finding and that is done through meaningful communication.
ROMANTIC, EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES - There must be some effort to plan for romantic, emotional experiences or guess what? The romance will fade. (Tweet this!) A man needs the sexual outlet, but a woman needs romance. Although my books are not classified as romance novels, I do write some romance into them. So I’m continually exploring this. A little effort goes a long way with a woman: a card, helping with the housework, a foot/back rub, a special dinner at a nice restaurant, a flower on her pillow. Don’t wait for special occasions (don’t forget them though!). Do something “just because” some of the time. Often my husband picks a flower out of our yard and puts it in water in a vase and places it on the night stand on my side of the bed.
PHYSICAL TOUCH - Eighty percent of a woman’s touch needs are non-sexual. Gary Smalley says that it takes eight to twelve meaningful non-sexual touches a days to maintain touch needs – a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a touch on the arm. (Tweet this!) ‘Nuf said!

Again, all four of these elements must be present in a marriage. How’re you doing?

As you think through these four elements, which one do you believe your marriage is strongest in and why?
Please share success stories below of ways you’ve strengthened your marriage in these categories.

 

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