Eric Suddoth's Blog, page 4

Search Me?

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.

Psalms‬ ‭139‬:‭1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

This chapter in Psalms starts with the closeness that even though He is the creator of the universe from the formation of Saturn’s rings to the delicate butterfly wing, He knows me. He has searched me and knows me.

That is a humbling thought. That out of the billions of people that have walked this earth, God knows me.

And He doesn’t just “know” me like a number or a Facebook friend from a decade ago. He knows the number of hairs on my head. He tattooed my birthmark around my ankle. He always heals the wounds that I tend ignore.

Because nothing is too small or insignificant for Him.

what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?

Psalms‬ ‭8‬:‭4‬ ‭NIV‬

It’s amazing really. God created all that we see and get to enjoy. I wonder if he had us in mind when He created the platypus. “I’ll create this unique creature that seems to be a mix-match, just to intrigue them and even cause them to smile.”

What I find interesting is that we didn’t choose to be created. But He chose to create us. And then instead of playing with us like puppets or dolls for His enjoyment, He allows us the free will to choose Him back.

Sadly, not all of us see God as this magnificent being that deserves respect and honor. Yet, He still chose to create those people. He still took the time to sculpt their body’s with His tender hand, even though He knew they would never choose Him in return.

I wonder how He felt taking the time and love to find the perfect color for their eyes, knowing they would never look at Him the way He looks at them?

With such care.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalms‬ ‭139‬:‭23‬-‭24‬ ‭NIV‬‬

But this chapter ends with a hard statement. This God who knows every facet of my life, knows every facet of my life.

The good. The bad. And the ugly.

Yet, He still chose me. He still searches me. He still loves me.

It’s torturous knowing God knows all our flaws. Even though we may try to live with the sentiment of loving the fact that God knows us, there is a part of a every one of us that also cringes with that hard truth.

We may want God to search us on Sunday mornings, but do we really want Him to know our heart on Monday when life is back to the grind?

We may say God to test us while reading a devotional, but I’m not sure we want Him to test us in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

We may want God to know our calm and collected thoughts relaxing on the beach, but not in the worrisome waiting room of the hospital.

We know our own triggers. Some peoples may be louder, but we each have a skeleton hidden, praying for the world to never dig up.

We know we should bury that hatchet, but for our own protection we dig our nails deeper into the wood.

We may despise ourselves for what we do, yet we repeat the cycle because it’s comfortable.

But God wants more for us than that.

He wants us forever.

He may search and see the gunk we have tucked away in the corners of our life, but He sees a masterpiece in need of refinement.

But He doesn’t want us to stay like we are.

He doesn’t want us to be living in life’s alleyways of shadowed corporate valleys. He doesn’t want us to feast on scraps of stale donuts or black coffee. He doesn’t want us to settle for a temporary manmade fortress that will rust and decay when life’s wind blows.

He wants to lead us in the way everlasting.

I just hope He never stops searching, polishing, refining, refinishing, recreating, rebuffing, redoing what I’ve done to mess us what He originally created.

Search me…but please, be gentle.

Peace

Narrow Minded – Is it Really That Bad?

We live in a world where we are taught to be open minded. Broaden your horizons. Acceptance is the future. Don’t look down on someone else for their decisions. If it makes them happy, it’s their life to live.

If you don’t mold or bend to the worlds thinking you are looked at as old-fashioned. Behind the times. Out of sorts with society.

If we look at the Gospels and the life of Christ, was he old-fashioned or ahead of his times?

I could say he was a mixture of both staying true to the foundational Jewish customs and laws of Moses, but he had a dramatic insight that ruffled the feathers of those who saw him as a rebellious leader.

So was Jesus narrow-minded or opened-minded?

Once again, I have to say he was a perfect mixture of both.

He met the Samaritan woman at the well who had an edgy past that he did not condone. Yet, he offered her the compassion that her family and friends were probably fearful of openly giving. Jesus stayed true to his heart knowing that narrowness leads to God, but he opened the gate wide for her to see the narrow path that leads to grace and mercy.

Strive to enter through the narrow door. For many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able. Luke‬ ‭13‬:‭24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Jesus

I don’t write this to boast or edify myself in trying to stay narrow in my journey. But write because I see many people confusing wide-path acceptance for love and grace.

Jesus was a man who changed the worlds perspective and gave value to people who were thought of lesser than by the previous generation.

Jesus’ radical teaching empowered the overlooked. Women were praised. The sick were not looked at as tangible punishment for generations of sins. Children were welcomed. Sinners were called to be set free.

Jesus didn’t tell the rich man to enjoy his wealth any way he pleased. (Matthew 19:16-22)

Jesus didn’t tell the woman caught in adultery it’s okay to keep doing what she was doing as long as it made her happy. (John 8:1-11)

Jesus didn’t tell his followers it’s okay to be angry, or lust, or murder, or divorce, or lie, or hate, or look out for yourself. He didn’t tell them it’s okay, everyone else is doing it. He didn’t even tell them they deserved the best things in life. (Matthew 5-7)

So, if Jesus in all of his perfect wisdom tells us to follow the narrow, how can we throw that message aside like it’s gone out of style?

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
‭‭James‬ ‭1‬:‭16‬-‭17‬ ‭ESV‬‬

James, brother of Christ

Don’t be deceived into thinking there is no absolute right or wrong. Living in the land of gray is a slippery slope when you’re trying to follow the narrow and quickly the narrow is open to interpretation. When you listen to the world for guidance and not God, you’re going to be deceived.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
‭‭Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭2‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Paul

If you look at your life and you don’t look any different than someone who doesn’t profess to follow Christ, please re-examine your life. Because if you don’t look any different, most likely, you have conformed to the world. I’m fairly certain they haven’t conformed to following Jesus.

Walking in the narrow may feel awkward, but following Christ isn’t supposed to be an easy journey. Following Christ leads to refinement, pruning, periods of waiting, and seasons of growth pains.

But despite the awkwardness, He is with you each step of the way. And ultimately, isn’t that better than being praised by man that may turn on you the next moment?

Here’s to following the narrow…

Peace

Are You a Tentmaker?

In late winter I became aware that I had lost some of my joy. I was deceiving myself in saying nothing was wrong.

But I was wrong.

Other people were noticing my change and I had to take a hard look in the mirror and see that I was paying too much attention to myself.

You may think I mistyped. That I was paying too much attention to myself couldn’t possibly be right. Usually people would think you lose yourself by taking your eye off of yourself.

But I lost myself by focusing too much on me.

I’m an accountant by trade. I was working and focusing on what I could get done. I was planning what duties I needed to accomplish. I was fixating on the next tax return I was going to finish.

But I have learned that when I start to stress out, it’s because I’m focusing on what I have to do.

Not on the One who will help me get it done.

So while I was taking a hard look at myself, I noticed my focus was out of whack. I was focusing on what I can get done and not on what I knew He could get done.

No wonder I was stressed, because I only can get through a fraction of all I need to accomplish while He can create the world in 6 days.

I was trying to carry all the weight of the world on my shoulder, while God was standing by saying, “You’re not meant to carry such a load by yourself.”

So it’s been a work in progress with some days going well and other days missing the mark.

I was having lunch with a wise friend and we were discussing faith and work and after one of his questions, it caused me to reflect upon a thought I had earlier in the week.

I am fairly certain Paul’s passion wasn’t being a tentmaker. I’m fairly sure he didn’t fall to sleep thinking of a new way to make a tent. That was just how he paid his bills. His passion was spreading the Gospel message. But he used his tentmaking capabilities to pursue his passion.

I’ve often wondered why I am an accountant. When I take personality and career tests, my career shouldn’t be doing spreadsheets for a living. Yet, this is what I do.

And I am good at what I do.

But am I passionate about it?

My passions fall beyond the arc of tax laws and deductibles.

I feel like I’m Paul in that way. My endorphins don’t spike while setting up a new chart of accounts, but it does reach higher levels talking to someone about their dreams and ambitions. I get rejuvenated when an idea keeps me up at night and I have to play out the actions of the fictional character. I get a second wind hanging out with a group of high school guys at 9 pm after working all day, just so I can pour into them what my mentors poured into me.

So I may be a CPA by trade, but I fulfill my passions in one of many ways.

I laughed at lunch this week, “every time I take those personality tests (I’m a INFJ if anyone cares) it never says you should be an accountant. I’m supposed to be a counselor, a writer, or work at a not for profit. Just as Paul was a tentmaker, I’m a CPA.”

So, are you feeling burned out in life?

Are you tired of hitting the grind everyday?

I’m not saying you need to change jobs, but maybe you need to start doing something you are passionate about a few hours a week.

You may say you don’t have time. But I’m pretty sure you can carve out an hour a week to pursue what God created you for.

You may say your family life keeps you too busy, but who says you can’t include your family in your passion. Who knows, they may enjoy it too.

I talk to many people about their dreams and passions and it seems that everyone lights up when they tell of their idea. But that light quickly vanishes when I ask, so what are you going to do next?

Because as soon as the question is asked, the excuses start coming. The reasons why it’s just a dream and not a reality quickly unbalances the scales.

But if God gave you that dream, He is able to see beyond your excuses and see the possible when all you see are impossibilities.

So, if you’re ready to take the next step, please step out. If you need help, please message me! I will do whatever to help you see that just as God called Paul, He’s calling you too.

God had to blind Paul to get Him to listen. I think some of us have taken up residence and built our lives on Damascus Road instead of following His voice.

I think it’s time to put down that hammer and electric saw and listen for His voice. Take a step off of the sidewalk and follow where He leads. If you follow His voice, He’ll never lead you wrong.

So to all the past tentmakers of the world, thank you for showing the way. I may not know where I’m going some days, but it’s reassuring to see your bootprints in the trail you created.

And that should encourage you as well. You may not see the end of the trail, but there may be some markers on the path directing you where to go next.

Peace

If you need some encouragement, please reach out to me. No matter where you are at, I’m just a visit, text, phone call, or email away.

Misconstrued Freedom

Independence Day, a day to celebrate our freedoms as a nation. A day to reflect upon the sacrifices made by those who came before us. A day to give honor to those who gave us this blessing.

But it seems we as a nation don’t give this day the reverence it deserves.

We have traded our day of remembrance for a cookout. We have segued our salutes for corn-hole high-fives. We have sold our souls to the commercial appeal of red, white and blue ice cream sundaes.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think spending time with family or friends on July 4th around a barbecue is wrong. But if you see this day as just a day to grill a slab of ribs, then you’re missing the importance.

Have you considered where you would be without your freedom?

No freedom of speech. No right to bear arms. No chance to cast a vote.

Luckily, in America we have these precious freedoms that other nations dream of enjoying.

But the freedoms we have can sometimes go to extremes. We may not agree with peoples use of their freedoms, but per the Constitution they have the freedom to burn the U.S. flag, protest military action, speak negatively of political officials.

But just because people have these freedoms, it doesn’t mean they should be used.

I am amazed how someone could burn an American flag (an emblem of our freedom) in front of a soldier who fought in a war to protect our freedoms. Yet, they fought for our freedom. Even if that freedom is to burn the flag he/she fought for.

But as I reflect at 3 a.m. unable to sleep, I can see the same type of supposed hypocrisy in faith with freedoms.

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5‬:‭13‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I have heard people say, “well, I’m saved by grace, so it’s okay if I sin because God knows I’m a sinner.”

And even though I agree we are saved by grace and God forgives us of all our sins if we turn to Him, that doesn’t mean we should use our gracely freedom as hooligans. Causing a muck just because we are forgiven.

We shouldn’t take a joyride for the sake of Christ’s sacrificial death just because we can.

“Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil”
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2‬:‭16‬a NIV‬‬

We as Christ followers have this incredible gift of grace and salvation, and how better to show the world the love of Christ by being imitators of Him.

If you use grace as a proverbial scapegoat to live out your wildest schemes, not caring who may feel the backlash or affects, who would want to follow you to Christ in your self-destructive lifestyle. Yes, you may still be forgiven (if you sincerely follow Christ.)

But if you’re truly a Christ-follower would you really want to use your freedom as a whitewash for your Saturday nights?

There is the grand debate for once saved, always saved. I side in that camp. I believe once you turn to Christ nothing can separate you from Him. Nothing can pluck you from His hand. Nothing can erase your name from the scars on His hands. Nothing you can do will ever outweigh the ransom He paid for you.

So it may sound like I’m flipping like a coin between saved and unsaved. But I’m just wanting you to take a serious hard look at yourself and decide where you fall.

Are you a citizen of Christ? Or are you carrying a stamped foreign passport thinking that will be enough to give you citizen status?

Don’t miss the greatest freedom ever offered because you assumed you had the coverage. If you’re not certain today would be a great day to gain that certainty.

Jesus,

I’m sorry. Please forgive me for all the times I’ve done wrong. I believe you are the only one who can save me through your grace and freedom by dying for me and raising to new life again. I trust you to be my Lord and Savior forevermore. Thank you, thank you, thank you for loving me and giving me this new freedom in You.

Amen

May you enjoy all aspects of freedom here and hereafter. Happy Independence Day!

Peace

CHAPTER 141

Book 1

I am currently editing my next book, Solomon’s Dreams – Possession (The 4th Book in the Series). And I came across this chapter and it resonated with me.

Solomon’s Dreams is a book series about a man of faith (Solomon Davis) who starts having dreams like Solomon in the Bible. He comes face to face with two choices – do nothing and let the dreams play out or act and try to help those in his dreams.

Well, there is an unlikely friendship that begins in Book One between Solomon and Dr. Jeremiah Huffington. Jeremiah is an atheist anthropology professor. They meet up for coffee or lunch periodically where Solomon can ask his faith-wrestling questions to someone who sees the world completely different and offers sometimes a unique and inquisitive perspective.

I love writing these chapters between these two characters because I am able to play both sides of my walk with faith. There are moments when my faith is as solid as the floor I’m standing on. But if I’m truly honest, sometimes my faith is as strong as a a wet paper towel. So, these chapters with Solomon and Dr. Huffington allows me to openly wrestle with doubts and questions…and sometimes Dr. Huffington guides me the author deeper in my faith.

So, here is Chapter 141. Previous to this chapter Solomon was wrestling with the idea of people being possessed by evil spirits and this scares him for a number of reasons. If people can be possessed, he wonders what he should do (because the person he is wondering about is on trial for attempted murder) or if they are not possessed are some people are just pure evil or are they possibly just crazy. And in Chapter 141 Solomon and Jeremiah discuss that it may not be the possession that is working Solomon up, but another issue.

“How are,” I started as Jeremiah looked up from the menu.

“I’m thinking of getting the chicken,” he smiled ignoring my look of condolence. “That sounds good.”

I saw the change in attitude and I followed the current like a fish in the water. “Have you eaten at the chicken and waffle place up around Manor Park?”

“No, how was it?”

“Well,” I grinned with a childish look. “Even Elizabeth enjoyed it.”

He nodded in appreciation. “I may have to check this place out.”

We ordered our food and started to dive once again into a discussion from earlier this week.

“You know how I asked about possession this week?”

He nodded as I realized that was a stupid question, but I didn’t know how to segue to that topic.

“Well, I asked it because I wondered if Jenny was possessed.”

“What do you think?”

I considered the question and saw the ripple affects of each answer. If she was possessed then it should be my faithful duty to help her remedy the possession through exorcism. If she wasn’t possessed was she truly mentally crazy and thus shouldn’t go to prison and this whole trial was a sham? If she’s mentally unstable could I in good conscious wish her to go to prison? But then if she wasn’t possessed and she wasn’t crazy, she was just evil. But what if that in turn cycles back to being possessed, because can someone really be that evil?

“I see your wheels spinning,” Jeremiah said. “Where are they taking you?”

“I don’t know,” I said shaking my head. “I really don’t know. I want to believe she isn’t possessed because that would help me sleep at night because if I’m truly honest thinking of someone being possessed scares the bejesus out of me.”

“In your faith, that would be a frightening realization, to see how someone could be possessed you could then rationalize if they could be possessed, then you could as well.”

I shook my head. “No, that doesn’t scare me. I don’t have any fear of being possessed because I believe I cannot be possessed.”

Jeremiah listened intently as he leaned his elbows on the table. “Then why does it scare you?”

“I guess, it’s the whole underlying weightiness of the unseen.”

“How so? Does the concept of gravity unnerve you, because you can’t see that?”

“I may not see gravity, but I see the effects of it,” I said as I threw a piece of bread into the air, catching it with my other hand.

“But in your belief, you see the effects of the evil forces too through selfish acts, murderous crimes, and corruptible governments.”

I looked into space and understood his reasoning, but there was still something different. “It’s just not the same.”

“How so?”

“I wish I knew,” I grinned. “I wish I knew.”

“But you can know,” he stated defiantly. “If you want to know, you should be able to figure it out. Isn’t that what your faith is there for? To believe in things you cannot tangibly see. So, technically, speaking, you should have the upper hand over my analytical point of view.”

“Faith doesn’t work like that,” I said flatly.

He looked at me quizzically. “So, what do you have faith in then? Because if your faith is rooted in the belief in a supernatural being that was the reason for the initial introduction and will be the end all of all things, shouldn’t this being also be in control of everything that happens from the first to the end? Even the things that scare you?”

I listened to his questions and it stung how he was pointing out the flaw in my own faith that I showcased for all to see. But in just a matter of minutes, he was able to breakthrough the plastic veil and see the corruption in my heart.

“Solomon, I’m not trying to sell you on a particular thought, or point you in one direction. I’m just showing you that your compass that you say is broken, really isn’t broken. You’re just using it wrong.”

I smiled at him facetiously. “You’re going to help me with my faith?”

“Why do you question that?” Jeremiah shrugged. “I may not believe in your rationalization of faith, but I can help you ask the questions that will cause you to find it.”

I listened.

“Once again, what do you have faith in?”

“Why do you ask, ‘what do I have faith in?’ You know my faith is in Jesus.” I answered unabashedly as I stared at him with confusion.

“You say that your faith is in Jesus, but from where I’m sitting, you’re holding your faith more tightly in your own belief and understanding than in the One you say you have faith in,” Jeremiah said flatly.

“What?” I shook my head in disagreement as I started to question his intent in this conversation. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. You know my beliefs. So, how can you say that about me?”

He shrugged his shoulder and looked closely at me. “Because I’m not freaked out by the possession conundrum. It actually fascinates me.”

“That is just weird.” I couldn’t look at Jeremiah anymore. I didn’t know if he was mocking me or if he actually thought the idea of possessions were truly fascinating. But deep down, I knew he was being coy, he was seeing a part of me that I wasn’t able to see in myself. And that too scared me.

“Why does my opinion on the matter affect you so much, Solomon?” He stopped and took a sip of his drink. “Is it because you can’t even look at the topic you are fearful of? Thus calling my scholarly intrigue strange?”

I pondered his question. I couldn’t answer why I was feeling so rattled with his odd fascination, but he could point out something I find awe worthy and consider me odd in return. I didn’t want to side with him, but maybe I was misconstruing my faith in Christ for knowledge I had obtained.

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m struggling with the concept of possessions because I don’t understand it.” He eyed me approvingly as I waved it off. “But I don’t know how to not struggle with it.”

“Then it goes back to my main question. What do you have faith in?” he said as I started to roll my eyes. “Now, hear me out. Okay?”

I nodded my head and focused.

“You say your belief is in Jesus, but what if your picture of Jesus is skewed?”

“Skewed?”

“Okay, close your eyes and picture what Jesus looks like.”

I closed my eyes and let my mind drift to an image of what I thought my Savior looked like.

“Do you have an image?” He asked softly as I nodded my head. “So, just imagine what if Jesus walked into the restaurant right now. Do you think he would look like what you see in your head?”

“No,” I said opening my eyes.

“Keep your eyes closed,” he commanded. “So, you believe the image of Jesus you have is probably not correct because you probably took the image in your mind from maybe a picture you saw at one time. A picture that was painted hundreds maybe over a thousand years after his death. You agree that your image of Jesus is not correct because no one in the last two thousands years really knew what Jesus looked like.”

“Okay,” I said still with my eyes closed.

“So, just listen to me. Your faith is grounded on what you think you know. Not on Jesus.”

My face furrowed at that comment, as I still could not agree with it.

“So, if the image you concocted of Jesus you know isn’t right, is it safe to assume there are aspects of Jesus’ character that you may not have right?”

“Maybe,” I winced as I continued to keep my eyes sealed shut.

“So, is your faith in Jesus based upon what you have read or heard or is it based upon the true character of Jesus?”

“I still don’t see what you’re getting at, Jeremiah,” I said with my eyes closed. “All I know about Jesus is what I know.”

“Good. So, going a step farther, but what if there are pieces of Jesus you don’t know? Do you still have faith in that Jesus?”

“Yeah, I have faith in the whole Jesus, not just pieces of him I know.”

“Okay, so, think of this. You have a distorted image of the physical Jesus. You may have a distorted image of the character of Jesus. So, would you say your faith in Jesus is not in the true Jesus, but the Jesus you want him to be?”

I opened my mouth to talk as Jeremiah continued.

“Your faith showcases Jesus’ love. You see the miracles he performed. You know of his teachings. But what if your image of Jesus is skewed into an image of Jesus you want and not the image of the real Jesus. The real Jesus who said things that you may not like because it is truly hard to follow. The real Jesus that does things that may look crazy because if given a choice you probably wouldn’t follow him today.

“Look closely, Solo. When you see the Jesus you follow, is he everything you want to be?”

I nodded my head. “Yeah, yeah he is.”

“I’m sorry to tell you,” he started in a compassionate voice. “But you’re not following the real Jesus then. Because there should be things that Jesus does that you don’t agree with.”

“Huh?”

“You can open your eyes now,” he said as I looked down seeing the waitress had slid my plate before me. “You’re possessing an idol image of what you want Jesus to look like, because if you were truly honest with yourself, the real Jesus should probably scare you.”

“Scare me?”

“He scared the Jews enough at the time to want him dead.”

“But they were,” I started as I couldn’t finish it.

“They were blinded to who Jesus was,” he added. “They couldn’t see the positive things because they were so focused on only seeing what they wanted to see. Just as you are so focused on only seeing what you want to see, thus when you come face to face with some of your fears, it’s not that you can’t see Jesus overcoming your fears, it’s just that you can’t see yourself overcoming them. Thus, you have made Jesus to look like you with everything you think is good.”

I looked down at my plate and wondered if Jeremiah was right.

“I heard Eugene say a few times before, ‘If you agree with everything you read in the Bible, then you aren’t reading it the right way. Because God’s ways are higher than your ways, Solomon. And his reasoning is above yours. So, if you agree with everything, then you are agreeing with your manmade image of God and not the real God.”

I raised my head up as those words shot to my heart. I couldn’t say anything as Jeremiah watched me from across the table. “Do you think I’m a fraud?”

Jeremiah smiled as he shook his head. “Solomon, you are no fraud. You were just a lost man holding your compass wrong.”

My lips started to quiver. “I don’t want to be a lost man.”

Jeremiah nodded his head encouragingly. “I know, Solomon.”

I stared at Jeremiah who started to cut his chicken as a wave of emotions crashed into me. “Do you feel like a lost man?”

Jeremiah looked up chewing a piece of his chicken as he quickly swallowed. “I don’t feel lost, Solomon,” he said flatly. “But I also don’t feel found. And if I’m truly honest, I don’t know if I would be able to tell the difference.”

“I feel a little lost right now,” I said pressing my lips together.

“That’s a good sign, Solomon,” Jeremiah nodded. “Because a lost man will ask for direction, but an indifferent man doesn’t even know to ask.”

“So, you’re indifferent?”

He nodded his head as he cut another piece of chicken. “So, do you still feel a heaviness with the possession aspect of your faith?”

I smiled and started to laugh. “Possessions are the least of my worries right now.”

“What’s the top of your worries?”

I let that question float in the air because I wouldn’t say I was worried about finding the true Christ. I was more determined in finding Him.

I stabbed a piece of my pasta and tasted the tanginess of the peppery marinara sauce as I looked across the table. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but Jeremiah had a different look.

I prayed for God to somehow use Jeremiah’s own words to convict him to seek Him. I didn’t want to say, but one of my top worries was Jeremiah. Just as he said, being indifferent was a very lonely place to be.

So, what are your thoughts? Are there some aspects of faith that scare you because you don’t understand them? If your faith is in Christ, why would your lack of understanding scare you if your faith is in the One who knows it all.

Who knew my atheistic fictional character could be so wise…

Peace

Don’t Quit When You’re at Your Lowest

Have you ever had one of those days when you just wanted to give up? When you’re burnt out. Tired. And just want to throw in the towel.

Well, a very wise friend said something so profound that I will remember for years to come.

“Don’t quit when you are at your lowest.”

Don’t quit your job when you are fed up. Don’t walk out on your marriage when the going gets tough. Don’t give up on your dreams in the midnight hour.

Big decisions shouldn’t be made in the lonely hours of desperation and depression. Many times regret will follow when the sun rises and outlooks change.

This may seem like an obvious statement, but in the dark pits of hopelessness giving up sometimes feels like the best option.

But you can’t give up.

This is where your endurance has to kick in.

Life is not a 100-yard dash.

It’s not even a 10K race or marathon.

Life is like an ultra marathon.

It may not be easy, but you can’t quit when you’re at the bottom. You can’t give up on your desires or on yourself.

If you look around at nature, the best things take time. Diamonds. Pearls. Sequoia.

How many masterpieces were created in an few minutes? It took Michelangelo over 4 years to paint the Sistine Chapel. It took Harper Lee over 2 years to write To Kill a Mockingbird.

The adage is true, “Good things come to those that wait.”

Or at least that is what we hope while waiting.

I think God knows we have a hard time with waiting and the energy it takes to keep the faith. I think that is why the Bible is filled with passages to encourage us to hold on and not give up.

All throughout you will find verses about keeping the faith, having hope, staying strong, focusing on eternal and not temporary. You will not find Jesus telling us to give up and walk away. But Jesus asks us to come to Him for strength and He assures us He will never leave.

So if you are struggling. Don’t let go of that last thread.

If you are lost and confused. Don’t throw in the towel.

If you are ready to call it quits. Don’t. First take a breath and refocus on something other than your current troubles. Then after you have had some time to sift through the good and the bad, then you can decide what is best.

But just don’t jump ship too quickly. It could be a false alarm. It’s better to wait and make a wise decision than be dog paddling in shark infested waters as the captain looks on.

Peace

Contentment…Am I Really?

I always thought I was content. I have lived my life thinking I was content. The verse I have quoted to myself since college has been,

“But godliness with contentment is great gain,”

1 Timothy‬ ‭6‬:‭6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

But I realized this week…I’m not.

Jealousy and pride planted its ugly self deep within me and quickly resentment and discontentment started to grow.

And it grew fast. Like a weed in a rose garden, it quickly overtook the once beautiful plant. It started to choke all the joy and hope out of me until I was left feeling hopeless and negative. And for anyone who knows me, I’m Mr. Optimism.

Not Mr. Doom and Gloom. And I have hated that feeling lately.

I always tell people life is all about perspective. You can dwell on the rainstorm causing a snag in your plans, or you can see the rain as a brief shower which will cause life to grow.

But I didn’t want to listen to my own encouraging words. I wanted to listen to a new voice.

In the last few months, my perspective had shifted. If changed from focusing on the endless possibilities that God can complete to focusing on myself and the limited power my two hands hold.

My outlook had changed from rejoicing with others accolades and accomplishments to polite smiles and comments, but deep down being envious of their success.

My life had become an image of who I said I was and just that. An image. A lie. A fraud. A pretend. A mask I wore in the company of friends and family who always saw me as loyal and faithful to the nth degree.

But deep down a war was waging and instead of fighting the good fight, I switched sides and started seeing things from a different perspective. I started seeing life as unfair and the only way to change it was to let go of what I was holding onto and try to grab onto something new.

But in life new isn’t always better. Grass isn’t always greener. The pot of gold isn’t always there.

I had to recognize that something had changed inside me. And even though I saw the change, I wasn’t ready to admit it was a bad thing.

So I lingered and wallowed in the pit I dig with the shovels of discontentment and found myself not in a better position, but now in a lonelier one.

I remember driving to work past a funeral home and telling myself, “things could be worse, you could be going to a funeral.” And I tried to show myself so many people have it worse. That I am beyond blessed. And that worked for a little while, but those weeds of envy are hard to get rid of when they have a tight grip.

This week I heard of two tragedies within my circle of friends. One of my beloved friends lost their newborn child this week and one of my older, wiser friends is losing his adult child of cancer.

When I heard these heartbreaking news my pit seemed meaningless compared to their gut wrenching hardships.

Yet, I still lingered in the pit. Now I felt discontented and guilt for being miserable when there shouldn’t be a reason for my own misery.

But sunshine is hard to see when you’re focusing solely on your problems.

Luckily, I have friends who have noticed my change. They have listened to me wallow of unfairness as I would try to counter myself and spin the conversation into a positive.

I am working on my discontentment.

The other day I was praying and I basically asked God that if I’m supposed to make a change, He’s going to have to push me because I don’t know which way is up or down anymore.

God has a funny way of answering because literally within two hours I had a conversation out of the blue with someone that solidified my request.

I kinda choked up while talking as they had a strange expression. “I literally prayed two hours ago for God to show me what I’m supposed to do and here we are talking.”

I know sometimes God doesn’t answer that quickly or in that way, but I have a feeling He’s been seeing me lately be the Eric He didn’t create. That I had started to chisel myself into something new that would bring some change and fulfillment.

But He wanted me to know, His ways are higher than my ways.

So, I’m pulling up the weeds I let grow. I climbing out of the pit that I called home for the last few months. It may be a hard road ahead, but at least I know I’m heading in the direction I was created to go.

May we find the only thing that can fill our discontented void is Him. I’m trying to see that.

It’s a process. It’s a daily struggle. It’s a moment by moment decision. But I’m done with sitting in the pit alone.

Misery doesn’t love company. It loves its destructive self more than the company it sucks in. So don’t fall into that pit.

But if you do, reach out. I’m here to try and show you the pit isn’t your home.

Peace

Deconstruction…it’s a good thing…right?

Earlier this year I had an epiphany…get rid of your pool. I hadn’t used it the last two years due to COVID and needing a new pool liner, so tearing it down seemed like the best option.

I wanted to pass it on to someone to use. I had used it for years with great enjoyment and wanted someone else to find pleasure in it. Well, taking it apart on Saturday we discovered it may not be good after taking it apart and putting it back up in a new backyard.

I felt horrible. Getting someone’s hopes up just to have it dashed.

The pool would probably have worked a few more years in my backyard, but after pulling up the siding, I saw years of decay and rotting beneath the surface.

I wondered, are our lives like this pool?

On the outside everything looks fine. Maybe a little duct tape is needed to patch that hole. A new pool liner (or wardrobe) to cover up shame and regret. A fresh coat of paint. Fresh water. New and improved chemicals. And then it will look perfectly fine.

Even though beneath, the rotting is still going.

Duct tape can fix temporarily, but it’s not a permanent solution. Eventually the duct tape will give way and something else will be needed to fix the issue.

You may be thinking, I don’t have any issues. Or you may be wishing you only had issues a piece of tape could temporarily fix.

But if we look deep within, we all will find that piece that needs fixing. That part of ourself that desperately needs a repair. That gaping hole that could use a patch that will never wear away.

But sadly, we try to fix it ourselves. We wear our fake smiles of living the American dream with our two story homes and three vehicles, while living paycheck to paycheck. We tell ourselves everyone else has this issue so we carry the weight like a badge of honor of being an American.

Or maybe we fill our loneliness with temporary, instant hole-fillers such as shopping, alcohol, drugs, sex, or any other addiction. We may even try to fill it with something good like volunteering, charitable giving, or even religion which sounds positive, but can still lead one to feeling empty later.

Deconstruction can be a sad process if the mere purpose is to tear something down. But hopefully, there is a purpose for it. Using the space for something better afterwards. Finding that purpose is crucial. But if you don’t find that purpose, you’ll be left once again with that hole.

There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of each man which cannot be satisfied by any created thing but only by God the Creator, made known through Jesus Christ.

Blaise Pascal

The only true hole-filler is Christ. If we come face to face with that realization the next phase of construction may still be hard, but it will be good. Very good. Because God will never leave us like that bad relationship. His well of water will never run dry or leave us in a regretful hangover. His grace never comes with hidden stipulations of high interest rates.

All He asks of us is…all of us. Complete surrender. Complete allegiance. Complete devotion.

Some may see this as a tyrant, dictator. But even though God asks of all of us, He then gives all of Himself to us. And in the financial world, we walk away with more than we ever said we gave up.

If I find myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.

C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity

This pool deconstruction may cause some regrets in the future (hopefully not), but I know, this pool is not where my ultimate fulfillment comes from.

Sometimes I still try to fill my holes with things I shouldn’t…but luckily God is always there waiting to fill that void that only He can.

He’s never let me down yet, and I’m pretty sure, that’s not in His wheelhouse of characteristics.

Peace

Hate Mongers – Is This What We’re Known For?

I’ve often heard that Christian’s are sometimes the ones who spew the most hate at others.

They are the ones with signs in front of abortion clinics belittling the scared pregnant women. Screaming and shouting words of unlove when Christ’s teachings are the opposite.

They are the ones poking fun of the sinners of the world, picking out which sins God hates more. When Christ said if you commit one sin, you commit them all.

They are the people who hold the stones, aiming at their prime target to set them as an example of what not to do. When Christ commands us to lay down our stones because no one is faultless.

I think you know what I am talking about. You’ve seen them in the news, on the cover of magazines, and on talk shows. Always eager to point a finger at the downcast of the world.

Well, I saw some of this first hand. And it shocked me. It shocked me even more since it was directed at me. A Christian.

A month ago I posted an advertisement on Facebook for my book, The Untold Story of the Darkest Days. I wanted to spread the message of this book to help people during the Easter season. To help them reflect and ponder the events surrounding Christ’s death.

I got a few positive comments which was encouraging, but sprinkled among the positive, kind words were posts not so flattering. Posts degrading the book (which they didn’t read). Posts condemning the book (which they didn’t read). Posts trying to prove me wrong by my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

It shocked me to get these hate posts since my book is a Christian book, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Judas betrayed Jesus. The Jewish priests wanted Christ dead. So, if someone perfect can get hated on, why should my life be above Christ’s?

As I’m writing this, I am a little happy that these haters found my ad. Because maybe after posting their negative posts on my feed, it caused them to not look at someone else’s post that would have riled them to type an unkind post that could not be unread.

I can overlook these hate mongers because, Christ warned us about them. I can forgive them, because Christ can forgive them.

But it saddens me that nonbelievers also have to overlook these hate mongers. It saddens me that sometimes people picture Christians as bigots more than loving, as hypocrites more than compassionate, as rude more than kind.

In a world where actions and words need to align to show a reflection of Christ, sadly, our image looks more like a disfigured Picasso painting than a beautifully, detailed Rembrandt’s.

May we never grow tired in showing Christ’s love to this world, even if it doesn’t reciprocate the same affection. Because at the end of the day, man’s applause and approval aren’t what we should be yearning for.

So, where do you stand? Holding a sign or an outstretched hand?

One is beneficial to the Gospel…the other…is not the Gospel message at all. No matter what verse you paint.

Peace

Norway – The Beautiful Fjords – Am I a Fjord?

Fjords. I remember learning about this word in grade school, but I never fully understood what it meant. Some things are best understood by seeing.

Not just reading about.

I’ve been told that Norway is the best country to see the spectacular fjords, but mostly in the southern portion of the country. But there are still some fjords where I was traveling in the northern part of the country.

If the fjords are more beautiful in the south of Norway, I will be utterly speechless.

The fjords in northern Norway were stunning.

We stopped for a visit in Narvik and took a gondola ride to the top of a mountain. Looking down onto the city below and the beautiful fjord nearby it is easy to forget this is a real place.

We had a bite of dessert and descended down the mountains to start our journey north, driving along various fjords to our hotel for the night. (Apparently this isn’t peak travel season in northern Sweden and Norway because this was the second night of our trip that we were the only people in the hotel. I felt like we were in The Shining as I looked at my hotel window at all the snow.)

As we traveled, we had to stop multiple times and just gaze upon the beauty of the fjords. At each turn I kept expecting the scenery to change, but at each curve or bend along the mountain, the beauty continued. Then as one fjord would end, another would start within a few kilometers.

After supper in Lavangen we took a evening drive. The sun doesn’t set until after 10pm and even then, it is still pretty bright.

As Robert Frost would say, “we took the road less taken,” and traveled beside fjords seeing very few people in the hour long drive. We would laugh and say, we must be the only tourist in all of Norway and Sweden. Both of our tours we had taken we were their only customers as well.

I know we can’t possibly be the only tourist, but it’s still a humorous thought. But I definitely haven’t heard any other American accents lately.

But back to the fjords. Sometimes in life, seeing is what we need to understand a concept or idea. In school, I was a visual learner. Reading textbooks were like a foreign language sometimes, but show me an example and I can figure it out. The same with user manuals. I don’t read the instructions, I study the how-to pictures and somehow can change my faucet.

The same can be said about faith.

I’ve heard people say, “I love Jesus’ teaching, but I’ve never seen a real Christian. So, I’ll pass on becoming one.”

Are Christians like fjords?

A concept in a book studied and taught in grade school, but not really understood because we aren’t really living the way we should?

It is disheartening to think, people may look at me and wonder, what are you? Just as someone may read a mathematical equation and wonder, what is this?

Hopefully, after time and conversations my faith looks real to people. Hopefully, my faith is sometimes as picturesque as a distant fjord when someone truly looks at it.

Hopefully, my life isn’t one that causes people to disbelieve in the concept of Christianity, but causes people to consider it.

So, maybe I’m a fjord. Or maybe I’m delusional in my comparison. But hopefully, either way, my life points a little more to Christ than not.

Peace