CHAPTER 141
Book 1I am currently editing my next book, Solomon’s Dreams – Possession (The 4th Book in the Series). And I came across this chapter and it resonated with me.
Solomon’s Dreams is a book series about a man of faith (Solomon Davis) who starts having dreams like Solomon in the Bible. He comes face to face with two choices – do nothing and let the dreams play out or act and try to help those in his dreams.
Well, there is an unlikely friendship that begins in Book One between Solomon and Dr. Jeremiah Huffington. Jeremiah is an atheist anthropology professor. They meet up for coffee or lunch periodically where Solomon can ask his faith-wrestling questions to someone who sees the world completely different and offers sometimes a unique and inquisitive perspective.
I love writing these chapters between these two characters because I am able to play both sides of my walk with faith. There are moments when my faith is as solid as the floor I’m standing on. But if I’m truly honest, sometimes my faith is as strong as a a wet paper towel. So, these chapters with Solomon and Dr. Huffington allows me to openly wrestle with doubts and questions…and sometimes Dr. Huffington guides me the author deeper in my faith.
So, here is Chapter 141. Previous to this chapter Solomon was wrestling with the idea of people being possessed by evil spirits and this scares him for a number of reasons. If people can be possessed, he wonders what he should do (because the person he is wondering about is on trial for attempted murder) or if they are not possessed are some people are just pure evil or are they possibly just crazy. And in Chapter 141 Solomon and Jeremiah discuss that it may not be the possession that is working Solomon up, but another issue.
“How are,” I started as Jeremiah looked up from the menu.
“I’m thinking of getting the chicken,” he smiled ignoring my look of condolence. “That sounds good.”
I saw the change in attitude and I followed the current like a fish in the water. “Have you eaten at the chicken and waffle place up around Manor Park?”
“No, how was it?”
“Well,” I grinned with a childish look. “Even Elizabeth enjoyed it.”
He nodded in appreciation. “I may have to check this place out.”
We ordered our food and started to dive once again into a discussion from earlier this week.
“You know how I asked about possession this week?”
He nodded as I realized that was a stupid question, but I didn’t know how to segue to that topic.
“Well, I asked it because I wondered if Jenny was possessed.”
“What do you think?”
I considered the question and saw the ripple affects of each answer. If she was possessed then it should be my faithful duty to help her remedy the possession through exorcism. If she wasn’t possessed was she truly mentally crazy and thus shouldn’t go to prison and this whole trial was a sham? If she’s mentally unstable could I in good conscious wish her to go to prison? But then if she wasn’t possessed and she wasn’t crazy, she was just evil. But what if that in turn cycles back to being possessed, because can someone really be that evil?
“I see your wheels spinning,” Jeremiah said. “Where are they taking you?”
“I don’t know,” I said shaking my head. “I really don’t know. I want to believe she isn’t possessed because that would help me sleep at night because if I’m truly honest thinking of someone being possessed scares the bejesus out of me.”
“In your faith, that would be a frightening realization, to see how someone could be possessed you could then rationalize if they could be possessed, then you could as well.”
I shook my head. “No, that doesn’t scare me. I don’t have any fear of being possessed because I believe I cannot be possessed.”
Jeremiah listened intently as he leaned his elbows on the table. “Then why does it scare you?”
“I guess, it’s the whole underlying weightiness of the unseen.”
“How so? Does the concept of gravity unnerve you, because you can’t see that?”
“I may not see gravity, but I see the effects of it,” I said as I threw a piece of bread into the air, catching it with my other hand.
“But in your belief, you see the effects of the evil forces too through selfish acts, murderous crimes, and corruptible governments.”
I looked into space and understood his reasoning, but there was still something different. “It’s just not the same.”
“How so?”
“I wish I knew,” I grinned. “I wish I knew.”
“But you can know,” he stated defiantly. “If you want to know, you should be able to figure it out. Isn’t that what your faith is there for? To believe in things you cannot tangibly see. So, technically, speaking, you should have the upper hand over my analytical point of view.”
“Faith doesn’t work like that,” I said flatly.
He looked at me quizzically. “So, what do you have faith in then? Because if your faith is rooted in the belief in a supernatural being that was the reason for the initial introduction and will be the end all of all things, shouldn’t this being also be in control of everything that happens from the first to the end? Even the things that scare you?”
I listened to his questions and it stung how he was pointing out the flaw in my own faith that I showcased for all to see. But in just a matter of minutes, he was able to breakthrough the plastic veil and see the corruption in my heart.
“Solomon, I’m not trying to sell you on a particular thought, or point you in one direction. I’m just showing you that your compass that you say is broken, really isn’t broken. You’re just using it wrong.”
I smiled at him facetiously. “You’re going to help me with my faith?”
“Why do you question that?” Jeremiah shrugged. “I may not believe in your rationalization of faith, but I can help you ask the questions that will cause you to find it.”
I listened.
“Once again, what do you have faith in?”
“Why do you ask, ‘what do I have faith in?’ You know my faith is in Jesus.” I answered unabashedly as I stared at him with confusion.
“You say that your faith is in Jesus, but from where I’m sitting, you’re holding your faith more tightly in your own belief and understanding than in the One you say you have faith in,” Jeremiah said flatly.
“What?” I shook my head in disagreement as I started to question his intent in this conversation. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. You know my beliefs. So, how can you say that about me?”
He shrugged his shoulder and looked closely at me. “Because I’m not freaked out by the possession conundrum. It actually fascinates me.”
“That is just weird.” I couldn’t look at Jeremiah anymore. I didn’t know if he was mocking me or if he actually thought the idea of possessions were truly fascinating. But deep down, I knew he was being coy, he was seeing a part of me that I wasn’t able to see in myself. And that too scared me.
“Why does my opinion on the matter affect you so much, Solomon?” He stopped and took a sip of his drink. “Is it because you can’t even look at the topic you are fearful of? Thus calling my scholarly intrigue strange?”
I pondered his question. I couldn’t answer why I was feeling so rattled with his odd fascination, but he could point out something I find awe worthy and consider me odd in return. I didn’t want to side with him, but maybe I was misconstruing my faith in Christ for knowledge I had obtained.
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m struggling with the concept of possessions because I don’t understand it.” He eyed me approvingly as I waved it off. “But I don’t know how to not struggle with it.”
“Then it goes back to my main question. What do you have faith in?” he said as I started to roll my eyes. “Now, hear me out. Okay?”
I nodded my head and focused.
“You say your belief is in Jesus, but what if your picture of Jesus is skewed?”
“Skewed?”
“Okay, close your eyes and picture what Jesus looks like.”
I closed my eyes and let my mind drift to an image of what I thought my Savior looked like.
“Do you have an image?” He asked softly as I nodded my head. “So, just imagine what if Jesus walked into the restaurant right now. Do you think he would look like what you see in your head?”
“No,” I said opening my eyes.
“Keep your eyes closed,” he commanded. “So, you believe the image of Jesus you have is probably not correct because you probably took the image in your mind from maybe a picture you saw at one time. A picture that was painted hundreds maybe over a thousand years after his death. You agree that your image of Jesus is not correct because no one in the last two thousands years really knew what Jesus looked like.”
“Okay,” I said still with my eyes closed.
“So, just listen to me. Your faith is grounded on what you think you know. Not on Jesus.”
My face furrowed at that comment, as I still could not agree with it.
“So, if the image you concocted of Jesus you know isn’t right, is it safe to assume there are aspects of Jesus’ character that you may not have right?”
“Maybe,” I winced as I continued to keep my eyes sealed shut.
“So, is your faith in Jesus based upon what you have read or heard or is it based upon the true character of Jesus?”
“I still don’t see what you’re getting at, Jeremiah,” I said with my eyes closed. “All I know about Jesus is what I know.”
“Good. So, going a step farther, but what if there are pieces of Jesus you don’t know? Do you still have faith in that Jesus?”
“Yeah, I have faith in the whole Jesus, not just pieces of him I know.”
“Okay, so, think of this. You have a distorted image of the physical Jesus. You may have a distorted image of the character of Jesus. So, would you say your faith in Jesus is not in the true Jesus, but the Jesus you want him to be?”
I opened my mouth to talk as Jeremiah continued.
“Your faith showcases Jesus’ love. You see the miracles he performed. You know of his teachings. But what if your image of Jesus is skewed into an image of Jesus you want and not the image of the real Jesus. The real Jesus who said things that you may not like because it is truly hard to follow. The real Jesus that does things that may look crazy because if given a choice you probably wouldn’t follow him today.
“Look closely, Solo. When you see the Jesus you follow, is he everything you want to be?”
I nodded my head. “Yeah, yeah he is.”
“I’m sorry to tell you,” he started in a compassionate voice. “But you’re not following the real Jesus then. Because there should be things that Jesus does that you don’t agree with.”
“Huh?”
“You can open your eyes now,” he said as I looked down seeing the waitress had slid my plate before me. “You’re possessing an idol image of what you want Jesus to look like, because if you were truly honest with yourself, the real Jesus should probably scare you.”
“Scare me?”
“He scared the Jews enough at the time to want him dead.”
“But they were,” I started as I couldn’t finish it.
“They were blinded to who Jesus was,” he added. “They couldn’t see the positive things because they were so focused on only seeing what they wanted to see. Just as you are so focused on only seeing what you want to see, thus when you come face to face with some of your fears, it’s not that you can’t see Jesus overcoming your fears, it’s just that you can’t see yourself overcoming them. Thus, you have made Jesus to look like you with everything you think is good.”
I looked down at my plate and wondered if Jeremiah was right.
“I heard Eugene say a few times before, ‘If you agree with everything you read in the Bible, then you aren’t reading it the right way. Because God’s ways are higher than your ways, Solomon. And his reasoning is above yours. So, if you agree with everything, then you are agreeing with your manmade image of God and not the real God.”
I raised my head up as those words shot to my heart. I couldn’t say anything as Jeremiah watched me from across the table. “Do you think I’m a fraud?”
Jeremiah smiled as he shook his head. “Solomon, you are no fraud. You were just a lost man holding your compass wrong.”
My lips started to quiver. “I don’t want to be a lost man.”
Jeremiah nodded his head encouragingly. “I know, Solomon.”
I stared at Jeremiah who started to cut his chicken as a wave of emotions crashed into me. “Do you feel like a lost man?”
Jeremiah looked up chewing a piece of his chicken as he quickly swallowed. “I don’t feel lost, Solomon,” he said flatly. “But I also don’t feel found. And if I’m truly honest, I don’t know if I would be able to tell the difference.”
“I feel a little lost right now,” I said pressing my lips together.
“That’s a good sign, Solomon,” Jeremiah nodded. “Because a lost man will ask for direction, but an indifferent man doesn’t even know to ask.”
“So, you’re indifferent?”
He nodded his head as he cut another piece of chicken. “So, do you still feel a heaviness with the possession aspect of your faith?”
I smiled and started to laugh. “Possessions are the least of my worries right now.”
“What’s the top of your worries?”
I let that question float in the air because I wouldn’t say I was worried about finding the true Christ. I was more determined in finding Him.
I stabbed a piece of my pasta and tasted the tanginess of the peppery marinara sauce as I looked across the table. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but Jeremiah had a different look.
I prayed for God to somehow use Jeremiah’s own words to convict him to seek Him. I didn’t want to say, but one of my top worries was Jeremiah. Just as he said, being indifferent was a very lonely place to be.
So, what are your thoughts? Are there some aspects of faith that scare you because you don’t understand them? If your faith is in Christ, why would your lack of understanding scare you if your faith is in the One who knows it all.
Who knew my atheistic fictional character could be so wise…
Peace
