Vicki Enns's Blog, page 6
June 11, 2019
PTSD Awareness – Become Trauma-Informed
Anyone can be affected by post-traumatic stress. Post-traumatic stress disorder is not only for mental or physical health professionals to know about. It is essential that everyone become trauma-informed in order to prevent PTSD, to protect and seek help for themselves or loved ones, and to mitigate the ongoing effects that can build over time from a traumatic experience.
Increasing Prevalence of PTSD
Post-traumatic stress disorder seems to be increasing in our society. In fact, there is a growing consensus that post-traumatic stress should be understood as a public health issue rather than seen as a mental health concern.
Trauma can happen at any stage of life and as a result of a wide range of experiences. The impact of an overwhelmingly threatening experience can be incredibly pervasive in a person’s life and indeed can continue to seep through physical, mental, relational and spiritual health throughout one’s lifespan.
Attention has recently increased on the pervasiveness of PTSD effects over a person’s lifetime. A landmark study of over 17,000 individuals found that 75% of them had experienced at least one potentially traumatic experience during their childhood years. These experiences included living with caregivers who were physically, mentally or sexually abusive; who were alcoholic or drug-addicted, affecting their ability to safely parent; or who were involved in domestic violence. This study focused on the long-term impacts on a person’s health compared to individuals who did not experience trauma in their childhood years. Key findings included:
• Up to 3 times the increased risk of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, lung cancer, and heart disease.
• Up to 4.5 times the increased risk of depression and up to 12 times the increased risk of suicidality.
• Up to a 20-year decrease in overall life expectancy.
(Adverse Childhood Experiences Study)
In addition to the symptoms that can arise directly from a traumatic experience, such as anxiety, depression, flashbacks, negative self-image and disconnection from relationships, there are often layers of impacts that are not obviously related.
Because of this prevalence and pervasiveness of impact, we can all contribute to improving the lives of those living with post-traumatic stress.
Key ingredients to being trauma-informed
• Become aware.
Recognize how common traumatic stress is and that it can happen to absolutely anyone. We are all human and this is a normal human response to abnormal experiences.
• Be compassionate and patient.
When we understand the impact of trauma we can shift our reaction from “What is wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” when we encounter someone with the symptoms of trauma.
• Pay attention to your own resilience.
Because anyone is vulnerable to trauma, we need to take seriously our own recovery from highly stressful or overwhelming events. This involves paying attention to physical, mental and relational health.
• Reach out and talk about it.
For too long traumatic stress has triggered stigma and judgement in too many people. We need to understand that this affects all of us – and it takes all of us together to heal it. Help yourself or a loved one connect with a helping professional to begin the healing.
For more FREE RESOURCES on this topic and others, visit our free resources page.
Author: Vicki Enns (MMFT, RMFT)
Clinical Director, Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute
Vicki is the editor and co-author of CTRI’s book, Counselling Insights: Practical Strategies for Helping Others with Anxiety, Trauma, Grief, and More. The book is available on our website.
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© CTRI Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute (www.ctrinstitute.com)
Interested in using the content of this blog? Learn more here.
The post PTSD Awareness – Become Trauma-Informed appeared first on Crisis and Trauma Resource Institute.
May 31, 2019
LGBTQ2S* Pride – Moving Beyond June
May 30, 2019
LGBTQ2S* Pride – Moving Beyond June
In June, communities around the world remember the challenges of the past for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, two-spirit and queer individuals, couples and families, and look to the challenges still ahead. In these communities, “Pride” is well recognized to refer to a time of celebration, of mourning, of advocacy and of expression of self without barriers.
Held in June, “Pride” month commemorates the Stonewall riots of 1969 in the United States that sparked the LGBT* rights movement. “Pride” events can include celebratory parties and parades as well as quieter ways of marking changes that were hard-won and those still desperately needed. Although there have been significant gains in legislative protection of rights and in some societal perceptions and attitudes, LGBT* youth, in particular, are still significantly more vulnerable to bullying, violence and mental health stress such as depression, anxiety or suicidality.
A key protective factor for any LGBT* youth is the active support of family members. Research clearly shows that the presence of active accepting actions, words, and relationships from the family of a youth are strongly associated with positive health outcomes in adulthood. As a family therapist, I have heard a wide range of family responses to LGBT* youth, and some struggle with how to best support their child.
The month of June is a reminder to us all to get active in our expression of self and our support for those we love and care about. For those who are family members of an LGBT* youth or adult, there are many ways we can provide a strong protective net of support that builds resilience and health in our loved ones.
How you can help
Here are some specific ways you can promote the health and resilience of your LGBT* child or those you care about:
Affirm your child or loved one’s sense of self even if how they identify is different from you or pushes your comfort zone.
Advocate for fair and safe treatment of LGBT* youth – this may mean talking to other family members, intentionally asking them to be respectful of your child.
Support your child or loved one to expand their network of family members who know and are growing in understanding of their LGBT* identity. This may mean helping them practice how to respond to questions or negative remarks.
Connect your child with LGBT* resources and communities. Search out online resources together or go to your local resource centre.
Go with your child or loved one to affirming LGBT* events – such as Pride month celebrations.
Believe in the positive future and health of your child or loved one. Perhaps most powerful, sincerely holding an affirmative and positive stance toward the potential health and success of your child will affect all the day-to-day interactions you have together.
The month of June is a reminder and platform to celebrate diversity, growth and loving connection. Find your own way to celebrate and join this important journey in families around the world. And Happy Pride!
For more FREE RESOURCES on this topic and others, visit our free resources page.
Author: Vicki Enns (MMFT, RMFT)
Clinical Director, Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute
Vicki is the editor and co-author of CTRI’s book, Counselling Insights: Practical Strategies for Helping Others with Anxiety, Trauma, Grief, and More. The book is available on our website.
To receive notification of a new blog posting, follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.
© CTRI Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute (www.ctrinstitute.com)
Interested in using the content of this blog? Learn more here.
The post LGBTQ2S* Pride – Moving Beyond June appeared first on Crisis and Trauma Resource Institute.
May 14, 2019
Counselling Couples: 4 Challenges and 4 Strategies
Counselling Couples: 4 Challenges and 4 Strategies
Relationships is one of the most common topics people focus on in counselling. Adult couple relationships, in particular, are a frequent focus, and counsellors often discover there are unique challenges when we have two people as our counselling “client” rather than just one.
I teach and supervise many counsellors who work with couples, and there are some common themes that come up as challenges. One is the pull to feel more aligned with one of the partners, and the second is difficulty interrupting or managing the persistent emotions in the room.
When couples are in distress, there are typically strong emotional patterns that are quite difficult to change and are often resistant to outside influence. This can knock even the most experienced counsellors off their centre and into an unbalanced place.
Some of the common experiences of feeling unbalanced for counsellors are:
Overwhelm and performance anxiety. Counsellors like to make a difference, but the persistent and repetitive nature of emotional patterns can leave everyone feeling stuck. This may cause a counsellor to feel an anxious urgency and responsibility to “fix” the relationship.
Self-criticism. When we place too much responsibility to change the relationship on ourselves, we can get shaken in our confidence and stuck in self-blame. This is often when a counsellor declares they shouldn’t do couples work at all.
Personal connection to the story. When we sit with couples, our own experiences of disappointment, longing, or being treated unfairly will come alive in us. At times like these, we can’t help feeling pulled to the side of one person or the other. Or we may want to push away from the relationship entirely.
Our own protective reactions take over. Just like the couple in front of us, we will have our own familiar ways of coping when we feel the pull of the pattern. These reactions could be joining in the fight and becoming confrontational, withdrawing, shutting down and becoming a passive observer, or going into an overfunctioning state of working much harder than the couple to change something in their relationship.
When we sit with couples, our own experiences of disappointment, longing, or being treated unfairly will come alive in us.
When we learn to recognize the signs that we are becoming unbalanced, we can better shift our stance to avoid getting stuck in unhelpful counselling patterns.
The power of having the couple relationship right in the room means we can work experientially with the emotional pattern as it comes up and practice taking the risk of doing something different right in the moment. A key capacity couples and counsellors need to develop is an expanded ability to become and remain open to the emotions that are driving our reactive patterns.
Some strategies counsellors can use to strengthen these capacities are:
Build a balanced connection with the couple by creating talking and listening space for each partner. Be sure to get each person’s perspective by asking them both the same questions as often as possible. Work hard to understand each person’s point of view. Pay attention when one partner is naturally more talkative than the other and make sure you manage how long each gets to speak.
Externalize the emotional and behavioural pattern that you observe when the couple interacts. Use the couple’s language to describe the pattern that repeats and affects both partners. This externalization of the experience will invite couples to see the problem together and help you understand each person’s contribution to the pattern.
A key couples counselling skill is the art of respectful interruption. This may feel like it breaks cultural or societal rules, so it is important to ask for permission to interrupt whoever is talking and slow things down at the beginning of the process. Simply letting people know that you might ask them to pause so that you can redirect the focus is a good way to do this.
Recognize and practice being open to your own emotions. Working with couples requires comfort with intense emotions in the room, as well as recognizing the subtle shifts in emotional energy. Having access to your own counsellor, consultant, or supervisor is often important for sorting through the emotional intensity.
Recognize and practice being open to your own emotions.
Counselling couples requires comfort with emotional intensity, a willingness to actively guide the focus of the conversation, and a large capacity for holding hope in the possibility of changing deeply ingrained patterns. Although this is not easy work, the opportunity to change relationship patterns while they are happening means it has the potential to be incredibly rewarding.
For more FREE RESOURCES on this topic and others, visit our free resources page.
Author: Vicki Enns (MMFT, RMFT)
Clinical Director, Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute
Vicki is the editor and co-author of CTRI’s book, Counselling Insights: Practical Strategies for Helping Others with Anxiety, Trauma, Grief, and More. The book is available on our website.
To receive notification of a new blog posting, follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.
© CTRI Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute (www.ctrinstitute.com)
Interested in using the content of this blog? Learn more here.
The post Counselling Couples: 4 Challenges and 4 Strategies appeared first on Crisis and Trauma Resource Institute.
April 4, 2019
Strengthen Relationships Through Positive Connections
Strengthen Relationships Through Positive Connections
What is of one of your favourite memories of a loved one? Try and think of one that has the power to help you feel calm, more secure, or just a little better about life. These memories hold an important key to helping us strengthen relationships through positive connections.
I can remember my mom brushing out my hair before bedtime when I was small, laying on the grass with my favourite dog when I was 12, or, more recently, the touch of my spouse’s hand on my face. Each of these snapshot memories makes my shoulders go down, allows me to breathe a little easier, and brings a smile to my face.
These positive moments in relationships are precious. They are often made up of small, familiar gestures, sensations, or words that become linked to patterns of positive connection in our feelings and thoughts about ourselves, others, or life in general.
We all need positive connections and one of the most powerful ways to reduce stress or anxiety is to connect and spend time with someone that matters to us. When we spend time with those in our inner circle – our closest friends, family members, our spouse, or our favourite beings (human or not) – we have the opportunity to create deeply engrained, positive patterns of feeling comfort that we can access when we are far away from them.
The flip side to the role of positive connection is that it is also natural to feel intense distress or sadness when we can’t connect in our relationships. The lack of opportunities to connect, or the worry that the other person doesn’t care about us in the same way we care about them, can cause powerful anger and panic, or a sense of abandonment and distress.
These more negative patterns of connection often catch and hold our attention more readily than the positive ones. Most of us spend a lot of energy worrying or fighting in our relationships, trying to argue our way to more connection – this rarely works out well. Although it can be helpful to intentionally work on these difficult patterns, we often miss one of the most powerful tools we can use to turn things around.
One of the most powerful tools in our close relationships is the ability to nurture positive connections.
It turns out that one of the most powerful antidotes to feeling stuck in patterns of disconnection in our close relationships is to actively turn our attention and energy towards small, repeated ways in which we can nurture positive connections. In fact, simple ways of doing this are often better, and the keys are awareness and repetition.
Steps for strengthening positive connections:
1. What everyday moments contribute to feelings of calmness, connectedness, and positivity?
These moments might be from past relationships, childhood, or current experiences. Consider the small things – does a good conversation make you feel connected? Or is it spending some quiet time with a loved one while walking, watching a movie, or taking a nap?
The point is to notice the repeated, small gestures or experiences that matter to you. It is these repeated patterns of positive connection with loved ones that actually confirm our sense of self, and our sense of trust and security in the relationship.
When you notice the small things that you appreciate, make sure you tell the other person. Make it conscious and create opportunities to engage.
2.Consider the other person in the relationship. What matters to them?
When do they seem more settled, calm, and comfortable with themselves? What kinds of activities are they doing? How can you be a part of what they’re doing? Ask what matters to them, and be intentional about being open and engaged during these times.
Research into the question of what builds stability and satisfaction in close relationships highlights the importance of actively responding and engaging in small, everyday moments. Engaging in these moments predicts greater stability and satisfaction in relationships. In fact, regularly taking part in these positive connections carries much more weight than grand gestures like a big present or celebration (although these matter too!). This is true for any relationship, whether it’s with your spouse, your child, a good friend, or a neighbour.
3. Make it a priority to fit moments of positive connection into your regular interactions, even when there is stress on the relationship.
The good news is that you already have everything you need to complete these steps. The challenge is to be proactive in making them happen, especially if there are also patterns of disconnection or anger in the relationship.
Too often our attention in relationships is caught up in anger, disappointment, regret, or pushing for something to change. All of our close relationships would be boosted in their strength and solidity if we brought more intention and attention to making the small, positive connections matter. Be sure to take these small steps, and take them often – this will strengthen the relationship and make it more resilient and nurturing for all involved.
For more FREE RESOURCES on this topic and others, visit our free resources page.
Author: Vicki Enns (MMFT, RMFT)
Clinical Director, Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute
Vicki is the editor and co-author of CTRI’s book, Counselling Insights: Practical Strategies for Helping Others with Anxiety, Trauma, Grief, and More. The book is available on our website.
To receive notification of a new blog posting, follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.
© CTRI Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute (www.ctrinstitute.com)
Interested in using the content of this blog? Learn more here.
The post Strengthen Relationships Through Positive Connections appeared first on Crisis and Trauma Resource Institute.
