Vicki Enns's Blog, page 5
January 20, 2021
3 Go-To Elements for Trauma-Informed Workplaces
3 Go-To Elements for Trauma-Informed Workplaces
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, writing, and speaking about Trauma-informed care lately. It’s a topic near and dear to my heart. In fact, Vicki Enns, Randy Grieser, and I have just finished a new book called A Little Book About Trauma-Informed Workplaces. We hope it will serve as a guide to those wanting to make their workplace more trauma-informed.
As I consider what a trauma-informed workplace looks like, I reflect on the diverse jobs I’ve had in social work, government, and outdoor physical labour. Like most of us, I’ve worked in healthy environments, while others were so highly stressful and toxic that I didn’t stick around long. Thinking back to these experiences, I see elements of trauma-informed safety pop out as these workplaces either aggravated or protected me from the stresses and traumas in my life.
Why is workplace safety important to a trauma-informed environment?One of the central aspects of trauma is the experience of a threat to physical or psychological safety. This threat can continue to affect a person’s ability to feel fully safe in future environments and interactions. When an organization does not give attention to the varying safety needs of its clients and staff, it risks harmfully impacting those that are vulnerable.
Trauma-informed safety needs to be wholistic and encouraged in community with each other. This includes paying attention to community members’ physical, social, and psychological needs. Too often, those responsible for workplace safety only focus on the physical, or only give attention to social and psychological concerns. Instead, we need to co-create safe environments where people within the organization take on a responsibility to consider others in their decisions. These are workplaces where people trust that others have their best interests in mind.
When we focus on creating safe spaces and building relationships characterized by trust, we encourage strong, healthy, and resilient workplaces.
Trauma-informed safety does not mean we all need to become trauma specialists. Rather, we need to consider how trauma impacts people and then create workplaces that promote healthy connection and well-being for everyone.
When I reflect on my experiences of safety throughout my various jobs, there are what I call the “go-to” elements that capture the wholistic view of psychological, social, and physical safety:
Go-to leaders are people with authority or influence who build trusting relationships with staff or clients. This type of leader reassures people that they have someone they can consult with in a position of authority, someone who is empathetic and understands their unique context.
In one stressful and toxic workplace, I remember frequently feeling calm when a highly relational and intuitive manager protected myself and his team. He stood out for his integrity and made it his role to shield us from the traps of political decisions and abuses of power.
Go-to safe spaces are physical places where staff or clients can go if they feel overwhelmed or unstable. These are places where a person can be physically and psychologically comfortable, away from stress and work pressures. It is helpful to clearly identify a safe space for people to use when needed.
I once worked in an office that provided financial and addictions support services to recently incarcerated high-risk offenders. Their stories were heartbreaking and the risk of vicarious trauma and violence made the need for physical and emotional safety very real. Thankfully our lunchroom offered a place of sanctuary with a sign emblazoned over the doorway that read, “All talk of work shall cease upon entry.”
When an organization does not give attention to the varying safety needs of its clients and staff, it risks harmfully impacting those that are vulnerable.
Go-to peers are people with whom we have camaraderie and can exchange mutual support within our work environments. These are safe and trusted people we feel confident raising difficult questions or concerns with, knowing they will be met with respect and confidentiality.
One person from my first job offered me the personal reassurance I desperately needed at the time to balance the professional challenges I was facing. When I needed a safe outlet (or someone to debrief with) after a difficult exchange or when I was feeling the frustration of being a small cog in a poorly-functioning machine, he would always listen.
Workplaces that foster these three “go-to” elements of safety are not immune to harmful things happening, but they do reduce their potential. And with the workplace culture and connection these elements create, organizations will be better equipped to navigate these situations with care and consideration. When we focus on creating safe spaces and building relationships characterized by trust, we encourage strong, healthy, and resilient workplaces.
For more FREE RESOURCES on this topic and others, visit our free resources page.
Author: Nathan Gerbrandt (MSW, RSW)
Managing Director, Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute
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November 24, 2020
Coping During COVID-19 – Practicing Resilience
Talking about coping and resilience during the pandemic has become a bit like discussing the weather. It’s on many of our minds when we wake up in the morning, and it’s become part of our regular small talk when we say hello. Although the “weather forecast” of COVID-19 differs depending on geography, we all need to be able to adapt to changing conditions.
I do not mean to minimize the seriousness of the pandemic with a metaphor, but some are enduring intense “storms” that are leaving behind devastation and loss, while others are experiencing a more distant threat that has less impact. Part of my own coping is searching for various frames of reference to be able to bring a fresh point of view to something that requires long-term perspective.
The word coping can carry an association of getting through something, but there isn’t a sense of “getting through” much at all despite all the coping we’ve already been doing. This is especially true as we endure the next wave of COVID-19 along with the impending changes of the season.
This is a marathon, not a sprint. Enduring COVID-19 requires a differing kind of coping and resilience.
Coping looks different.
Typically when we talk about coping with stress or a crisis, we describe a sudden onset of stress or a unique and sudden challenge. We survive the best we can, then deal with the aftermath when it’s all over. Our stress response is well equipped for this kind of rhythm. Although it’s not easy, we have built into our nervous systems the capability to quickly move into survival stances to rise to the challenge of a threat and hopefully get through it. This may look like withdrawing and hiding from the threat, or perhaps moving into hyperfunctioning to rally all resources to throw at the challenge.
Sometimes referred to as surge capacity, this can only be sustained for short bursts of energy and time as these surges of energy are an extreme response to an intense situation. Then our mental, emotional, and physical resources are depleted and need to be replenished. As we recoup our energy and use coping strategies to find some balance, this builds our resilience to be able to weather the next storm.
We are in a different kind of situation with COVID-19. Rather than a peak of stress from an intense challenge, the pandemic is bringing rolling waves of stress, one after the next, to many people’s lives. And there may be multiple storms. The physical threat of COVID-19 brings with it financial, educational, and practical challenges that can also cause a wave of mental health impacts. Livelihoods and relationships may be catching the next wave, and so on.
This is a marathon, not a sprint. Enduring COVID-19 requires a differing kind of coping and resilience.
Resilience looks different.
Similar to coping, resilience is often discussed in research as being linked to isolated, time-limited stressors or crises. Of course, COVID-19 is not the first time we have seen the prolonged, accumulated impact of an ongoing threat over time.
Stevan Hobfall is one researcher in the area of collective and chronic trauma who talks about trajectories of resilience. Rather than a static measure of “How resilient are we?” in terms of coping, shifting our perspective to the trajectories of resilience changes the question to “In what direction are we moving?” It is an ongoing accumulation of both individual and collective steps that contribute to increasing or decreasing resilience and overall wellness over time.
Rather than a peak of stress from an intense challenge, the pandemic is bringing rolling waves of stress, one after the next, to many people’s lives.
In a similar vein, Michael Maddaus talks about our resilience bank account and the importance of regularly and consistently contributing to the reserves we need to draw from as stressors ebb and flow. This kind of active resilience is built from the repeated, small steps we can take that keep moving the needle of our resilience forward, even as we are drawing from it in a regular way.
Here are three small steps to help you build meaningful active resilience:
Choose a practical and realistic habit that will increase well-being.
The key is that this is a simple step you can do every day. This may be that nagging thing you’ve been telling yourself for years like, “I know I should do more of ___________.” For example, this might be as simple as drinking more water or calling your mom once a week. Or maybe it’s sweeping the kitchen floor at the end of the day, or saying goodnight to your teenager before they disappear into their room for the night.
What is key here is to keep it small and meaningful. You might not see big results or differences in your life immediately, but this is about building a stronger foundation, one tiny step at a time. The regularity of these routines calms the nervous system during times of persistent stress and builds patterns that increase stamina.
Make one positive connection each day.
Under stress, we are all more apt to notice the negative. Our worries get louder, and it can be easy to feel overwhelmed and hopeless at times, causing us to withdraw or disconnect further from those around us and focus on self-protection. At a time when we have so little control over the bigger picture, the power of what we can choose becomes even more prominent. And positive connection moves us out of those extreme survival stances into a more socially-engaged and resilient state.
Choose to have at least one positive interaction each day. This may be in-person, over email, or online. By intentionally expressing gratitude, appreciation, or positive humour with another person, you are contributing to both your own and another’s resilience.
Pause and really focus on now.
Anxiety and stress pull our attention to the future and worries of “What if…?!” One of the most important steps we can take is to give our attention regular breaks of coming fully into the present. I mean the very immediate now – the rice you are cooking, the smell of the air in the morning, the rhythm of your breathing – even if you are feeling stressed. By bringing the attention of our mind, body, and actions together in one place, we are able to pause and reset our brain and energy.
Active sustained resilience is not built by grand gestures – it is maintained with regular, attainable, and meaningful steps. As we each do our small part, we can increase our own individual resilience and contribute to collective wellness.
For more FREE RESOURCES on this topic and others, visit our free resources page.
Author: Vicki Enns (MMFT, RMFT)
Clinical Director, Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute
Vicki is a co-author of CTRI’s upcoming book, Counselling in Relationships – Insights for Helping Families Develop Healthy Connections. The book is available for pre-order on our website.
To receive notification of a new blog posting, follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.
© CTRI Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute (www.ctrinstitute.com)
Interested in using the content of this blog? Learn more here.
The post Coping During COVID-19 – Practicing Resilience appeared first on Crisis and Trauma Resource Institute.
November 18, 2020
Where to Start When Counselling Couples
The following excerpt comes from our upcoming book, Counselling in Relationships: Insights for Helping Families Develop Healthy Connections. The “Couple Relationships” chapter explores the power of patterns that develop in love relationships which can either lead to disconnection or further connection. Counsellors can learn to interrupt these patterns and facilitate deepening intimacy and trust.
Love may be the most significant human need. The quest for love has inspired countless acts of passion: from creative works of poetry, music, literature, and spiritual texts to the spark that has ignited wars. Seeking happiness typically centers around finding other people with whom to experience love, whether romantic, familial, or platonic. As expressed by Mark Twain (1897), “To get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with” (p. 465).
For many in adulthood, this includes entering a couple relationship. Partners may choose to keep their lives quite independent and separate, or they may choose to live together or marry. Some people may choose multiple layers of connection and commitment in polyamorous relationships while others may engage in short-term partnerships.
Globally, there are overall shifts happening in how people engage in couple relationships. The number of people choosing to marry is slowly decreasing, and international divorce rates vary between 30 and 50 percent (Wang & Parker, 2014). There is also a rising number of people who are choosing to remain single. The majority of people, however, continue to want to enter a long-term, committed couple relationship.
There are no guarantees, however, that entering into a couple relationship will provide the safe and nurturing haven most people long for. When relationships are healthy and secure, they contribute to our overall well-being by telling us that we are not alone, that we are lovable and worthy, and that we can turn to someone when we need help or support. Such a relationship serves as a protective factor that adds to longevity and life satisfaction. As an example, research has shown the emotional support of a spouse can significantly and increasingly reduce anxiety later in life (Carr et al., 2016).
We need to slow things down to properly understand the individual experience of each partner and how it impacts and dovetails with the other’s stress and vulnerability.
In contrast, when a relationship is less healthy, with chronic discord or toxic conflict, there is an increased risk for negative mental and physical health outcomes and development of mood and substance disorders. Research consistently points out that negative couple interactions have a greater impact on our health than positive ones (Carr et al., 2016; Fincham & Beach, 2010).
Clearly, the positive or negative qualities of our relationships can be powerful forces affecting our overall health. As counsellors, we have the opportunity to help couples strengthen the positive qualities and manage the negative qualities in their relationship interactions.
Working with couples has become my passion. I love the energy and motivation people bring to the table when they are working on a relationship that really matters to them. However, this doesn’t mean I find it easy – counselling couples is probably when I work the hardest emotionally, mentally, and physically. Yet I feel refueled in my purpose and passion when I am able to work collaboratively with a couple to find solid ground and clarity in their connection with each other while developing a shared vision for the future relationship they want to continue to grow.
In close relationships, emotions are the flashlight that can point out the most important connecting points between partners.
Relationships are one of the most common things for people to focus on in counselling, even when coming as individuals. However, there is a different kind of intensity when the other person in the relationship is in the room. There is more than one person wanting to tell their story, and there is often an urgency underlying their words. There is an added pressure when there is a sense that the stability or security of a cherished relationship may be threatened.
As we learn to listen to what’s going on beneath the presenting story, we typically hear distress calls of “Am I loved?” “Are forgiveness and trust possible?” and “Can I rely on them?” Core attachment needs and longings are brewing underneath whatever fight, disconnection, or disappointment may have prompted them to make an appointment. The intensity of such stress causes each person to react in protective ways, and couples typically find themselves stuck in patterns that can cause pain and perpetuate feelings of disconnection.
In close relationships, emotions are the flashlight that can point out the most important connecting points between partners. As Gottman and Gottman’s (2015) and Johnson’s (2019) research has emphasized, the most effective approaches focus on patterns that are driven by emotionally charged attachment and survival needs. Meili and Jo have a vibrant love story of common passions, and this feels threatened as they discover some differences in how they each feel about their upcoming wedding. Shaken by conflict, Meili moves into a fighting position to try to fix the rupture while Jo feels an urge to flee in order to escape the pain. They both get locked in their points of view, blaming the other for their current state. Suddenly they feel more like enemies than two people planning to celebrate their love.
We need to slow things down to properly understand the individual experience of each partner and how it impacts and dovetails with the other’s stress and vulnerability. Ava and Sam both have a quiet respect for the life they have built together, but they are unaware of how much their words and actions impact each other. They each tend to blame themselves and withdraw when there is tension, not realizing how this increases the disconnection between them.
The good news about patterns in relationships is that they can change. It takes courage for couples to unpack their stuck patterns and learn to let themselves and each other really see the vulnerability and needs that underlie them. When partners experience each other as open, accessible, and willing to learn how to offer positive connection, the risks become well worth it. For counsellors, having a clear map allows us to be confident guides in the sometimes stormy weather of couple counselling. Everyone does better with connection to positive, secure attachment relationships, and when we have the privilege of witnessing people do this work, we all benefit.
Read the full chapter in our upcoming book, Counselling in Relationships: Insights for Helping Families Develop Healthy Connections, available for pre-order on our website.
For more FREE RESOURCES on this topic and others, visit our free resources page.
Author: Vicki Enns (MMFT, RMFT)
Clinical Director, Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute
Vicki is a co-author of CTRI’s upcoming book, Counselling in Relationships – Insights for Helping Families Develop Healthy Connections. The book is available for pre-order on our website.
To receive notification of a new blog posting, follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.
© CTRI Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute (www.ctrinstitute.com)
Interested in using the content of this blog? Learn more here.
The post Where to Start When Counselling Couples appeared first on Crisis and Trauma Resource Institute.
April 22, 2020
How to Cope With Post-Traumatic Stress During COVID-19
We are living in strange times, with unique challenges that many of us have never encountered before. Everywhere on the planet, people now have to collectively focus on survival, united in facing a shared threat: COVID-19.
Every one of us is equipped with instincts to help us rise to the challenge of survival, but these same instincts can also add to our experience of stress. People who already carry patterns of survival from past traumatic experiences may experience the impacts of this pandemic more intensely. Awareness and reminders of active, positive coping strategies are more important than ever for people in this situation.
Elements of this current situation that can set off a survival instinct include:
The virus’s threat to our physical health
The increased disconnection due to physical distancing
The helplessness we may feel amidst so much change and the unknown outcomes of the pandemic
Many people are all too familiar with surviving experiences that contain threats, disconnection, and helplessness. These are the central ingredients of any traumatic experience, and for those with post-traumatic stress symptoms or patterns, this pandemic may be provoking these patterns.
The patterns of flight, fight, and freeze are the foundation of post-traumatic stress symptoms. These are the ways our bodies help protect us when we feel threatened. For those with post-traumatic stress, these patterns often become woven into daily life, in the forms of avoidance (flight), anger or agitation (fight), and shutdown and withdrawal (freeze). Even if a person isn’t consciously remembering or thinking about any past events, our bodies hold these memories in the patterns of coping and reaction to new stressors that arise.
If anxiety and fear rise, triggering a traumatic survival response, a person may move into flight through increased urges to avoid and get away from the present situation; freeze through shutting down, feeling numb, or zoning out; or fight through increased irritability, aggression, and agitation.
Even though there is much about our current situation that we cannot control, we can shift our focus to what we do have influence and power over.
In a recent meta-review of studies examining the effects of quarantine on people in a variety of societal challenges over the last 15 years, it was found to be common for people to experience higher post-traumatic symptoms such as avoidance and anger.
Despite the potential negative effects of quarantine, there are positive steps people can take to cope under such circumstances. Keep in mind that these coping strategies are increasingly important for those who already struggle with post-traumatic stress.
1. Stay connected to the present.
Trauma survival patterns are rooted in our past experiences of survival. Current threatening situations can awaken these memories in our bodies and minds. Being intentional about keeping our awareness and attention on the present is key.
Spend time immersing yourself in the present throughout the day. Use your senses to bring your whole awareness into Listen to music, drink fragrant tea, meditate on your breath, pet your dog, or repot your plants, putting your fingers into the dirt and smelling the earthy soil.
Have trusted supports help you ground yourself in the here and now; have your friend describe their surroundings to you; spend time video chatting so you can see and hear other people.
Do tasks that have a clearly defined beginning, middle, and end.
2. Exercise choice.
A trauma response is heightened when we feel helpless and powerless. Even though there is much about our current situation that we cannot control, we can shift our focus to what we do have influence and power over.
Choose your routine. How do you spend your time and what do you focus on during the day?
Choose your information. Limit how much news you watch and when you take in new information.
Choose your distractions. Have a list of small, easy-to-do creative tasks that you can do. This may be sorting out a drawer, colouring, creating a collage, or cooking something you like.
3. Keep active and engaged with life.
Because of the intensity and ongoing nature of the current stresses, many people with post-traumatic stress may find themselves struggling to stay present and motivated. A crucial act of self-care is to intentionally stay moving, active, and engaged with life – this is a central antidote to the effect of fear that can immobilize our mind, body, and spirit.
Move often – literally. Stretch, dance, walk or jog on the spot, do yoga, garden, walk up and down the stairs, silly walk around your house – just keep moving!
Do something you enjoy every day. This can be simple like having your favourite coffee, or listening to a podcast to learn something new.
Engage with humour, joy, and curiosity to counter fear.
With awareness and active steps, we can exercise the positive power of being able to recognize our fear and patterns of survival.
4. Stay socially connected.
The empty streets in every city and town are reminding us of how much we need and crave connection. We may need to get creative and it is crucial we stay in connection with other people.
Have regular, short phone calls with friends, family, or other support systems.
Listen to live interviews or podcasts of people you find inspiring.
Spend time reminiscing and looking at pictures or videos of important relationships. If you are able, do this together with someone else on the other end of a phone call or video chat.
Our current situation is stressful and may cause fear and anxiety for some. With awareness and active steps, we can exercise the positive power of being able to recognize our fear and patterns of survival. With intention and openness to the support of those around us who are also going through this situation, we can get through this together.
For more FREE RESOURCES on this topic and others, visit our free resources page.
Author: Vicki Enns (MMFT, RMFT)
Clinical Director, Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute
Vicki is the editor and co-author of CTRI’s book, Counselling Insights: Practical Strategies for Helping Others with Anxiety, Trauma, Grief, and More. The book is available on our website.
To receive notification of a new blog posting, subscribe to our newsletter or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.
© CTRI Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute (www.ctrinstitute.com)
Interested in using the content of this blog? Learn more here.
The post How to Cope With Post-Traumatic Stress During COVID-19 appeared first on Crisis and Trauma Resource Institute.
February 19, 2020
3 Ways to Experience Joy with Others
After counselling for over 25 years, I have become increasingly focused on how I can stay emotionally healthy in both my personal and professional life. Counselling work has its unique rewards and challenges, including the inevitability that I will be changed by the people I support. Both their sorrow and their joy will impact me.
This may sound like I’m weighed down by the stress and difficulties of the people I work with. And it’s true, I can certainly “catch” some of what my clients are going through and carry it with me. However, this means I also absorb the positive things in their lives. This is the wonderful reality of catching joy. This happens when we allow ourselves to connect with others while being attuned, creative, and open to joy.
The capacity for experiencing joy with others isn’t only for counsellors – it’s wired into all of us and can be experienced any time we open ourselves to connect with others in a safe, attuned way.
Collective joy often occurs in our attachment relationships – the connections we share with our closest friends, caregivers, and loved ones. These relationships strengthen our sense of belonging, emotional safety, and self-worth. Research shows that the quality of our emotional connections in close relationships is the most important influence on our ongoing development and mental well-being.
We can access this powerful human element in other settings as well. Kelly McGonigal explores the power of moving together in her book, The Joy of Movement. There is something important that happens when we participate in activities that allow us to connect with others and move in unison.
The quality of our emotional connections in close relationships is the most important influence on our ongoing development and mental well-being.
McGonigal expands on an idea from Sociologist Emile Durkheim termed collective effervescence. When we move together in unison – whether we’re going for a walk with someone or attending a yoga class – it’s like our bodies absorb something from each other and it bubbles up in us to expand and heal us. We need these experiences and they deepen when we cooperate. When we are open to them, they give us a deeper feeling of solidarity for our collective well-being.
We all know that spending time with others is good for us. And when we bring intention to these opportunities, we naturally increase our collective joy and health.
Here are 3 ways you can expand your capacity for experiencing joy with others:
Create opportunities to experience being part of a “we.”
In your close relationships, spend time simply enjoying each other’s company. These don’t have to be profound tasks or costly outings. Pushing someone on a swing, window shopping, raking leaves – practically anything where you are able to notice each other’s emotional states can foster a feeling of felt connection and shared experience.
Reminisce together.
Spend time remembering your shared experiences together. Looking back on times of connection allows our bodies and minds to recreate these experiences so they come alive again for us. When we reminisce and recount positive experiences together, we can absorb and deepen the joy and sense of belonging we felt during those times.
Find activities where you move with others.
Join a group exercise class, go out dancing, or take a long walk with a friend. Pairing moving in unison with an openness to delight in each other’s experiences is like taking a multivitamin for your mental health. Make it a regular part of your emotional well-being hygiene.
I was reminded of this powerful and reciprocal benefit at the end of a recent counselling session with a nine-year-old. We had spent the session drawing, sporadically talking about a recent loss in her family, and exploring her feelings and worries. At the end of the session, she taught me exactly what she (and I) needed to rebalance ourselves. As we left my office carrying our empty hot chocolate mugs to the kitchen, she challenged me to join her in a silly walk/dance down the hallway to the bouncy pop song on the radio. As I clumsily mimicked her moves, we laughed together. I caught her twinkling eye and felt the effervescent joy in my own belly bubble up. I’m grateful to her natural wisdom of how to connect to a larger sense of life and joy.
For more FREE RESOURCES on this topic and others, visit our free resources page.
Author: Vicki Enns (MMFT, RMFT)
Clinical Director, Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute
Vicki co-author of CTRI’s book, Counselling Insights: Practical Strategies for Helping Others with Anxiety, Trauma, Grief, and More. The book is available on our website.
To receive notification of a new blog posting, follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.
© CTRI Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute (www.ctrinstitute.com)
Interested in using the content of this blog? Learn more here.
The post 3 Ways to Experience Joy with Others appeared first on Crisis and Trauma Resource Institute.
February 4, 2020
How to Embrace Change
Have you ever been pulled along by the force of change or felt like you have no control over it?
We all know the one thing we can count on in life is change. It’s always going to show up. Whether it’s unexpected or something we go looking for, it is always somewhat stressful!
Recently, I’ve chosen to make some changes to my work commitments and the way I spend my time professionally. This was a planned change that has been in the works for a while. Yet I didn’t expect it to cause many ripples in my life since I’m still doing the same job – it just looks a little different.
I have been surprised by how much change fallout I have noticed as a result of these shifts in my work life. For me, change fallout means lots of random thoughts about work bubbling up at inconvenient times, like when I’m trying to fall asleep. Or I just feel silly, like a confused rookie when I’ve been doing this work for almost six years. I don’t see this as a bad thing – it’s just strange, and a little disorienting.
I know my particular change fallout is mild, but in other situations, the stress of change can cause bigger impacts on physical health or mental wellness. It can cause disruptions in relationships or affect our ability to keep up with the different parts of life.
As I’ve been observing my own unsteadiness, I’ve found a few things that have helped me stay upright and moving forward. I offer these as reminders to myself, and possible tips for anyone going through change.
1. Notice the patterns in how you react to change.
We all have patterns. Under stress, our familiar habitual reactions kick in. It’s part of our survival instinct to protect ourselves when things get difficult.
It’s a natural reaction to either want to work against change (even when we have planned it), or rush it in order to reach our new “normal.” We are not wired to cope with uncertainty well.
Consider these common patterns:
Do you typically push back, grumble, and feel irritated by shifts in your schedule, or when you can’t predict what is going to happen?
Do you rush into change with high enthusiasm? Do you affect change in many areas all at once, adopting the when-it-rains-it-might-as-well-pour attitude?
Do you look for someone to blame for your discomfort? Or do you generally adopt a life-is-against-me attitude when it gets hard?
Do you put your head down, close your eyes, and wait for the dust to settle? This is the this-too-shall-pass
When going through a change, it’s important to notice the patterns in how you react to it.
Your pattern(s) may help you cope in small ways, but these habits typically add to the stress. Naming your own pattern and recognizing it as a habit slows down the possible fallout.
2. Recognize where you have some choice.
“What is in the way becomes the way.”
This quote attributed to Marcus Aurelius is usually interpreted to mean that when we recognize the barriers in front of us and tackle them, we muster up the motivation to find a way through them.
However, when it comes to our own internal barriers, I think this quote can be interpreted in another way. When a habitual pattern of coping kicks in, we tend to repeat it, and the pattern becomes even more deeply entrenched – like a rut that our tires keep getting stuck in. This reaction then becomes our way more often, but it may end up being in our way in the future.
If we take the first step of recognizing our habits when they arise, we are presented with a choice. We can use this reminder as motivation to choose how to respond.
Some steps for this:
Honour your pattern. It originated somewhere. No need for endless self-reflection or criticism. It’s a waste of your time and misses the mark. Be gracious and respectful with yourself by being honest and kind.
What do you want to get from this change? Whether you asked for it or not, things are moving. This is an opportunity to step differently through your life.
What is important to you that you don’t want to change? When things are disrupted, the fallout can trickle into many areas of life. All your routines can get thrown off, and it’s easy to forget things you used to take for granted. Stress can start leading your decisions. Focus on small, manageable routines or habits that you do want to keep – and keep doing them amidst the change.
3. Expect and embrace the disruptive force of change.
When you feel the winds of change, keep your eyes open. Change is disruptive. Period. It will bring some chaos into your life. Sometimes when we fall down, we notice a different viewpoint looking up from the ground that allows us to see things we normally wouldn’t see.
Consider using change as a force for transformation.
Give yourself permission to change. Let go of the self-protective pattern that strives to keep things the same. Open up to the possibility of change.
Adopt an attitude of curiosity and wonder. Stress pulls our focus to the negative possibilities and can cause us to catastrophize. Intentionally remind yourself that unexpected good things can also come out of change.
Allow yourself to be moved by the change, without giving up your footing. When overwhelmed, we tend to shift to all-or-nothing thinking and believe there is nothing we can do, or that everything we knew before is gone. You still have lots of wisdom and skills from what you were doing before. Now you’ll be stretched to learn and add some new ones.
Change inherently means losing some control. This can be freeing if we embrace it by catching the momentum and riding it in the direction we (more or less) want to go.
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For more FREE RESOURCES on this topic and others, visit our free resources page.
Author: Vicki Enns (MMFT, RMFT)
Clinical Director, Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute
Vicki is the editor and co-author of CTRI’s book, Counselling Insights: Practical Strategies for Helping Others with Anxiety, Trauma, Grief, and More. The book is available on our website.
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September 4, 2019
8 Good Reasons to See a Counsellor
September 3, 2019
8 Good Reasons to See a Counsellor
There are many ways to increase health in our lives. Seeing a counsellor can play a unique role in your overall wellness plan. I recently heard someone liken going to counselling both to going to the doctor’s office and to taking a class. Counselling has the unique capacity to help relieve negative symptoms by addressing something that is already going wrong, while bringing in something new to enhance what is already there.
As you consider your options for good health in this new year, here are 4 reasons you should see a counsellor, and 4 more reasons you might want to see a counsellor.
1. Chronic or Recurring Stress, Anxiety or Depression
You are experiencing chronic or recurring stress, anxiety or depression that you are struggling to manage, and it is escalating. These states can become stronger over time. Once they are entrenched it can be very difficult to shift the patterns on your own.
2. Stress Spill Over
You are trying to deal with issues in your life and the stress is starting to spill over into other unrelated areas. Your conflict with your manager at work is starting to come home with you and affect how you talk to your kids at dinner time. The ongoing battle to save your relationship is making it hard for you to concentrate at work and you are worried about your next performance evaluation.
3. You’ve survived an overwhelming event and find it difficult to re-engage.
You have in the past survived, or are surviving, an overwhelming experience and you are finding it difficult to re-engage with your usual life. Experiences that have left a traumatic impact can become a lens that colours all the rest of your life, causing you to put most of your energy into dealing with something that is past instead of engaging with your present and building for the future.
4. People you trust and care about are telling you they are concerned about you.
Sometimes we can’t see the forest for the trees. We don’t notice how stress is affecting us, or how patterns in us are causing distress to others in our life. If you are hearing the same message over and over from different people, it may be time to get help to see above the tree-line.
5. You care about your relationships.
Do you want your marriage to soar? Would you like to be a fantastic parent? Would you like to experience more vitality in friendships? Many relationships stay in maintenance mode and function well enough to keep going. Often we miss opportunities to grow and in turn affect those we care about in positive ways – whether it is helping your teenager develop skills to manage their lives better, to bring your intimate life with your partner to levels of new satisfaction, or to find new areas of challenge and connection with a broader or deeper network of friends.
6. You crave change or challenge.
Would you love to feel like you are thriving in your career? Do you wish you could overcome some fears to try something new? Any change is stressful, even if we see it as a positive thing. Having support to overcome fears, old ways of viewing ourselves, or just finding that next step can help us bring healthy change into our lives.
7. Lighten the load of unnecessary baggage.
Often our view of ourselves and of the world around us is riddled with old stories and memories. We may not even be conscious of how they shape us. It may be an old grudge, a notion that you can’t do something, or patterns in our life that we hang onto just because we’ve “always done it this way”. These entrenched ideas and burdens can weigh us down and prevent us from discovering new aspects of who we can become.
8. You would like your life to have more meaning.
You may be seeking greater cultural understanding of your family and heritage, craving a deeper spiritual aspect to your life, or desiring more passion for what you already engage in. A chance to reflect and ask the difficult and irreverent questions with support can inject your life with purpose and greater satisfaction.
Counselling offers a unique relationship and context where we can get a fuller understanding of ourselves, our important relationships and what changes may help us. Real, positive health is much more than just reduction of stress and negative symptoms. Choosing to enhance health in areas important to you can bring meaningful growth into your life that can affect all aspects of your overall wellness.
Counselling can be a tool to help you build a meaningful, healthy year.
For more FREE RESOURCES on this topic and others, visit our free resources page.
Author: Vicki Enns (MMFT, RMFT)
Clinical Director, Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute
Vicki co-author of CTRI’s book, Counselling Insights: Practical Strategies for Helping Others with Anxiety, Trauma, Grief, and More. The book is available on our website.
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© CTRI Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute (www.ctrinstitute.com)
Interested in using the content of this blog? Learn more here.
The post 8 Good Reasons to See a Counsellor appeared first on Crisis and Trauma Resource Institute.
