Roger K. Allen's Blog, page 22

Developing Resilience as a Key to Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is the value we put on ourselves. It has to do with our sense of mastery, identity, and how well we like ourselves. It matters. It is a key to a happy and fulfilled life.

I want to suggest that there are two parts to building self-esteem—mastery (doing) and resilience (thinking).

By mastery I mean learning, beginning at a young age, various life skills (from math to soccer) and accomplishing meaningful goals (getting an A on a test, making the baseball team). I feel good about my...

Tips to Feel Better about Yourself

Tips to Feel Better About Yourself

Self-esteem is the value we put on ourselves. It has to do with our sense of identity and how well we like ourselves. It matters. It is a key to a happy and fulfilled life.

Yet many people suffer from low self-esteem. A prominent psychologist and speaker by the name of Irv Yalom used to ask the people in his audiences to write down, anonymously, something their co-workers did not know about them. He would collect and analyze these responses and share them w...

Three Powerful Leadership Practices

A few years back I did some consulting work with a hospital that wanted to improve the quality of management across the entire organization (admin, doctors, and nurses).  They began by administering a survey to all employees, asking them to rate their managers on a number of management and leadership practices.

From the results of the survey, they selected the top seven performers, from approximately 350 administrators/supervisors throughout the hospital, for a special recognition. These men...

Allowing Negative Feelings

When we have uncomfortable feelings such as boredom, loneliness, irritation, jealousy, sadness, or anxiety, most of us look for distractions—eating even though we’re really not hungry, scanning our smart phone for messages, mindlessly viewing social media or surfing the internet, turning on the television or radio, jumping in the car to go shopping or for a drive, and so on. Although we don’t usually associate such activities with emotional distress, I want to suggest that we do often use th...

I Will Greet This Day with Love in My Heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

I will Greet This Day with Love in My Heart

And how will I do this?

Henceforth will I look on all things with love.

I will love the sun for it warms my bones;

I will love the rain for it cleanses my spirit.

I will love light for it shows me the way;

I will love the darkness for it shows me the stars.

I will welcome happiness for it enlarges my heart;

I will endure sadness for it opens my soul.

I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due;

I will welcome obstacles for they are m...

Respecting Boundaries

In my last blog, I talked about the importance of negotiating expectations in marriage (or any relationship for that matter). I suggested that whenever we feel hurt or frustrated in a relationship there are, lurking in the background, unmet expectations. It is up to each of us to make our expectations conscious, make sure they are fair and reasonable, communicate them to our partner and then negotiate them in a way that feels like a win to both parties. Although we have to learn and practice...

Negotiating Expectations in Marriage

Expectations are the specific beliefs that you have brought into your relationship about the way things will or should be. In general, if your expectations are met then you are happy. If not, you experience disappointment and frustration. Therefore, understanding and learning to negotiate your expectations is a key factor in your marital success.

Expectations in marriage, as in all relationships, are necessary and inevitable. They could even be considered the threads that make up the fabric...

Overcoming Unhappiness in Marriage by Negotiating Expectations

Expectations are the specific beliefs that you have brought into your relationship about the way things will or should be. In general, if your expectations are met then you are happy. If not, you experience disappointment and frustration. Therefore, understanding and learning to negotiate your expectations is a key factor in your marital success.

Expectations in marriage, as in all relationships, are necessary and inevitable. They could even be considered the threads that make up the fabric...

Gratitude to Unseen Thousands

I’m very mindful, as I sit at my computer this morning, of the utter horror of last weekend’s shooting in Las Vegas. My emotions vacillate from shock to anger to sadness that something so inhumane can happen, yet again, in America. Such events occur all too frequently and effect each of us deeply as we search for answers not only to why but how to prevent them from happening again. Because there are no easy answers it becomes easy for us to feel increasingly unsafe, powerless, and cynical ab...

Making the World a More Benevolent Place

Benevolence is my new word. It has been on my mind a lot in recent weeks and months, particularly given what we’re going through as a nation and world.

The simple definition of the word is a desire to do good to others, to be charitable, to act kindly. I think of the word as expansive and encompassing. It is not like a watering hose we use to douse this or that plant but more like a 360 degree sprinkler head that shoots a spray indiscriminately outward. Benevolence casts a broad net of goodw...