Shea McGee's Blog, page 4

Teaser: Burn

Cassie deeply inhaled the tepid smoke of the joint, rolling it around in her mouth like wine as she watched the house become swallowed by flames of yellow, orange and white. Black smoke whirled into the night’s sky as she smiled, holding her head high.

“I always thought fire was beautiful,” Marina sighed, taking the joint from between Cassie’s fingers, putting it to her lips.

“Yeah,” Cassie agreed. “Fire is beautiful. The most beautiful thing I’ve seen in a long, long time.”

 

Cassie watched from the car as Marina bounced out of their apartment with trash bags filled with clothes, running like her life depended on it. It kind of did as they hadn’t paid their rent in months, and the eviction notice meant sheriffs would be coming soon to see them out. Cassie and Marina gladly let themselves out, but not before having a good ol’ time. They had a rather huge party the night before, inviting the local hoodlums, skaters, and drug dealers; you name it, they were there. Cassie only watched the merriment happening around her, taking in everything and everyone. She had other things on her mind.

Cassie stayed up all night, twirling her freshly dyed jet black hair around her fingers as she thought of where they’d go next. Marina took advantage of the festivities, finding one of the guys and taking him down, shagging on the living room floor with eyes watching but uncaring. Cassie grew used to Marina and her wild child ways the closer they became. This was nothing new, nothing Marina hadn’t done many other times before with many other guys and girls. She always shrugged them off the next day, none of them meaning anything more to her than a good time. She was the life of the party and bedroom, and when it was done, she got up and left. No goodbyes, no promises to call you, nothing of the sort. But Cassie was not like the others to Marina.

Cassie was the quiet one, the methodical one between them both, and she tried hard to not judge Marina too harshly. They were lovers and friends, but mostly friends, so Cassie never tried to police what Marina did with anyone. When they met, Cassie wasn’t particularly interested in Marina in the slightest. She watched Marina trot around the bar, the envy of every woman, the lustful object of every man and some women. Cassie found her less than interesting. Cassie had seen this dance before, because she used to live it. She lived her life carefree, promiscuous, and wild until she woke up in an alley, her pants were missing as well as her underwear. Whoever left her there made sure to be so nice as to leave her purse with her, but had taken whatever little money she had in it.  That’s when she knew she was done with that side of her.

Marina’s dark hair laid on her back and to her waist, moving whenever she wound her tiny waist while dancing. Her long, toned arms were raised in the air, waving back and forth slowly as she swayed to the music of the updated juke box in the intimate bar. Her hips followed the rhythm of Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams”, every eye in the joint following her every move, even Cassie’s for a bit. When Marina settled her brown eyes on Cassie, she stopped dancing, making a line with her eyes directly for her. Cassie noted the way Marina stared at her, and shuffled around on the bar stool to look away from the dancer.

“Hey, can I get another Johnny Walker, please?” Cassie asked the bartender, returning her attention back to her empty glass. The bartender nodded and took the glass, filling it to the rim with the brown liquor.

“Can I get another Johnny Walker, please?” She heard a voice coming from behind her, mocking her. Cassie just shook her head, trying to ignore the childishness.

“Now, what do you know about some Johnny Walker, little girl?” Marina mocked Cassie some more. Cassie just took the drink from the bartender, sipping it, and pretending the woman wasn’t standing behind her being a pain in the ass.

Cassie could smell the alcohol wafting off of Marina along with a strong cigarette scent. It made Cassie’s gag reflex react.

“Hey, you wanna buy me a drink of that, too? I’ll be your best friend,” Marina sing-songed to Cassie, bringing an annoyed smile to her face.

“I don’t have enough money for that. I just spent the last of my drinking money on this glass here. Sorry.” Cassie wasn’t sorry, but didn’t want to be too rude to the pretty girl.

Then she felt fingers in her fine, blonde hair. Cassie jumped and turned to face Marina, slapping her hands away from her head. “I don’t know you,” Cassie slapped Marina’s playful hands away from her head again and again every time she reached for her.

Marina began to laugh. “Just let me touch you, come on!”

Cassie stood up from the barstool, grabbing up her satchel and coat. She dumped the remaining contents of the glass into her mouth before taking her leave of the bar, never once looking back to see if the crazy woman would follow her to the door.

“Don’t forget to tip your bartender!” Marina yelled after Cassie as she reached the door, opening it up as the sunlight hit her eyes.

She had to let her eyes adjust to the light before she could walk across the street to the beatdown gray Toyota hatchback her father had given her. As much as she despised the old man, she took the car because it was free. Free was better than having to shell out thousands, which she knew she couldn’t afford and that he wasn’t willing to spend. She felt good, but she knew she had two full shot glasses of that fine drink. She didn’t want to drive, but she did want to get away from the claustrophobia of the woman touching on her, bothering her.

Teaser: Bela’s Bride

Time.

Time is friend to no one. Especially when time is on the side of the wicked.

“Lenora, supper is ready!”

Lenora rushed from her room, throwing open the door to be met with the sweet smell of roasted beef, wafting from the floor below to meet her. The pleasant aroma hugged her, leading her down the hall to the kitchen where her mother stood in front of the stove. Her mother turned to greet her with a smile.

“I hope you’re hungry, the meat came in fresh this morning. Butcher Allen said he got it from the farmer who just moved into our town.”

Lenora sat at the table, listening intently but also impatient for the plate to be set down in front of her. When her mother finally did sit it down, Lenora could hardly wait to dig in. At 16, she needed every morsel of her dinner. The beef in brown sauce with wild rice and string beans created a flood of saliva in her mouth. The steam rising from the plate brought tears to her eyes. “Thank you, mama. Where’s daddy?”

Mama sighed. “He went to the bar, said he’d be back by 5 this evening but that was an hour ago. I hope he makes it back in time before the food gets too cold.”

“But can I eat or do I have to wait for him to get in?” Lenora secretly hoped her mother would say the former.

“Of course you can eat, honey! Daddy will understand.”

Lenora knew that wasn’t true, but she also knew better than to contest it. Even with the bruises on her mother’s arms in the mornings, Lenora knew to leave well enough alone. Her mother would just tell her it wasn’t a child’s place to worry about the goings on of adults. Lenora kept to her own business, and stayed in a child’s place. Whatever that meant for Lenora, now that she was 16 and headed to university.

She had graduated high school and was preparing to move forward with her studies in nursing. She always wanted to help people, seeing as how she couldn’t help the one person who she saw everyday that really needed it. She figured she could help others instead. It made her feel good to be around people and if she could be of service, that was even better.

“Dig in, child, before your food grows cold!”

“Sorry mama,” Lenora immediately stabbed at her beef, wasting no more time.

“Did you see the way Charles had been eyeing you? Something told me he caught the love bug for you, Nora,” Chastity teased.

Lenora held her books closer to her chest as they walked down the dusty road to Chastity’s farmhouse. The walk from Lenora’s was quick since her land wasn’t as plentiful as their neighbors on the other side of the road. Lenora’s family’s farm was bigger but not by much, not that Lenora cared. She hated the small town and couldn’t wait to get away. Nursing school couldn’t come soon enough for her, she thought, but it would also tear her away from her best friend, Chastity.

Lenora always thought Chastity was the prettiest girl in their town. She was fair, blonde, blue-eyed and all American. With her slim figure, she thought Chastity could’ve been a beauty queen. Everything about her yelled beauty queen, everything but her haughty mouth.

Chastity was very outspoken. And for their time, it wasn’t desirable or encouraged, especially for a good-looking girl. Chastity didn’t care, and she made no attempts at hiding it.

Lenora admired her, even when Chastity would continuously get into trouble in school. The female teachers never once hid their disdain for Chastity, and Chastity never seemed to pay them any mind—not one bit. It only made her want to further their discomfort by whatever means necessary, but only so far. She didn’t want to get expelled, but with graduation, those worries became a thing of the past.

Lenora was an assertive girl, but only to the degree that she felt was safe. She didn’t want to have the wrath of her father brought down on her. It was bad enough he was handing out backhands like chewing gum, so she kept it light. Thankfully, school in their small town was done, and summer was in full swing.

“You say that, but I always see him with Beverly. I think they’re going steady now,” Lenora kicked a rock, dust floating up onto her Mary Janes.

Chastity sucked her teeth. “You and your lack of self-esteem is nauseating.”

Lenora chuckled. “Leave me alone! I don’t even want any boys from this stupid place, I’m trying to leave this behind. Don’t need no guy from this podunk town tying me down, trying to make my belly swell with child and be barefoot and in the kitchen. I can’t even cook for Pete’s sake! I’d be useless around these parts.”

“You got that right!” Chastity chimed in. “Even so…isn’t he a dreamboat?”

“Why don’t you go for him then? And leave me out of it.”

“Well, maybe I will, now that I have your blessing.”

“Yes,” Lenora assured her, “you most certainly have my blessing. Take them all, please!”

“Are you telling me that you don’t like any boy here?”

Lenora shook her head. Her curly, dark hair swayed in the light autumn breeze. “I honestly don’t. I did like Howard for a time though.”

Chastity gasped. “Howard? You know, he’s off to become a doctor now in some big city. I think Chicago. Or was it LA? I don’t remember. But Howard wasn’t that cute if my memory serves me correctly.”

“He was nice enough, that’s what I really cared about,” Lenora told her friend, surprised by her response to her admission. “I just really liked how he would always ask me if I…never mind.”

Chastity grabbed Lenora’s arm, pulling her abruptly to the side of the road into overgrown grass. A car rushed by, the air blowing dirt up into their faces as their eyes watched the car speed by them. It was Lenora’s daddy’s beat-up car.

Chastity whistled, dusting the front of her dress off. “Your dad was like a bat out of hell just now. He could’ve ran you down!”

Lenora followed Chastity’s movement, dusting her skirt and shirt off as well. “Yeah, he’s probably good and drunk.”

“Is he still…you know…hurting your mom?”

Lenora met Chastity’s eyes then looked down as she continued their walk, Chastity following close by. Lenora remembered the first time she saw her daddy smack her mother. It never left her mind, forever marking her. It was Lenora’s 12th birthday, her mother had just made her a cake when her father stormed inside of the house, throwing open the back screen door in their kitchen from the fields. Dried mud was caked to the front of his overalls, his plaid shirt filthy from the day’s work. Sweat beaded against his forehead, but the stench of whiskey was heavier on him than all of the rest. He came into that kitchen, wobbly and red in the face. Smelly. Dirty. Angry.

His black eyes took in the lay of the kitchen, finally resting on the cake that Lenora’s mother just finished baking. Lenora sat there, waiting.

Her father stood in front of that cake, fresh and battered with whipped frosting her mother took care to make for hours. Her father dipped his finger into the cake, and Lenora’s heart sank because his hands were laced with filth.

“Oh, Henry, I just made that for our baby girl’s birthday today and here you go, plunging your hand in it!” Her mother cried out.

Lenora’s father got into her mother’s face, him looking down on her as she cowered. “Henry, please…I just want our girl’s birthday cake to be special, that’s all. She’s been doing so well with her studies, I thought she deserved-“

A loud clapping sound enveloped the room as Lenora saw her mother fall onto the floor, nearly missing the table Lenora and the cake sat at. He hit her so quickly, Lenora didn’t have time to register that it indeed happened, just that her mother had fallen onto the floor. Blood arced in the air before her body fell onto the ground. Drops of red laid on the black and white checkered kitchen floor beside her mother now, and her father kneeled down next to Lenora’s mother. He pointed his thick finger in her face that was hidden by all of her thick brown hair. “If you ever tell me what to do in front of her ever again, I’ll give you more than that, you understand me?”

He didn’t wait for her compliance as he stood up, swaying as he walked past Lenora and into the living room.

Lenora looked down at her mother who didn’t seem to have it in her to show her face or stand up. “Nora, darling, please go to your room. I’ll bring you a clean slice of cake up to your room when I’m done cleaning up, okay?” Lenora could hear the thickness of tears in her mother’s voice, but knew even then at that age that what just happened couldn’t be right. She stole herself away to her room and waited for that piece of cake, but it never came.

The memory made her more determined that the decision to leave this town was for the best.

She nodded, answering Chastity’s question as their walk came to an end. They made it to Chastity’s house with the broken swing in her family’s front yard that stayed that way for years. Chastity said her uncle who passed as a child broke it and the family kept it up as a way to keep him with them. Lenora thought it was weird when she told her about that then, and it was still odd to her now as they passed it by.

“My mom and dad went into town so it’s just you and me until they get back. You should probably stay the night over,” Chastity told her as they made their way up the front stairs to her house. The screen door creaked loudly, like it was ready to come off of its hinges.

When they made their way in, Lenora breathed a bit easier. The inside of Chastity’s family’s house seemed cozy and inviting—it just felt better to Lenora. Her house felt cold compared to Chastity’s. Although they did have the grandparents living on the land, it still seemed a whole lot better than what Lenora’s family had. She felt isolated in her home if her dad was around. Chastity’s didn’t have any of that. She craved that feeling.

“Our cow just produced some wonderful milk, would you like some?” Chastity offered Lenora as she sauntered to the direction of the kitchen while Lenora sat down on the sofa.

Lenora declined, not really a fan of milk. Chastity shrugged, going the rest of the way inside of the kitchen.

“Are you excited to start nursing school?” Chastity yelled from the kitchen.

“I sure am. I can’t wait to get started after this summer. I almost tried for the summer courses but they filled up so quickly! I got beat out,” Lenora answered.

“Sound like an overachiever, you’re such a career girl,” Chastity came back into the living room, glass of milk filled to the rim of the glass in her hand. She sat next to Lenora as they giggled.

“I’m not an overachiever. I just know what I want, and yes, that’s a career. I’m sorry you can’t relate,” Lenora teased and Chastity playfully pushed her arm.

“Why you little tart! I would have you know that I, too, aim for career. I aspire to higher, better things than this town, but I also know that we have to stay close to home.”

“Easy for you to say, your parents have a good relationship compared to my parents. Hell, your grandparents have their own house in the back fields! Even they have a really healthy relationship. I’m starting to believe that maybe my father just doesn’t like my mother, and maybe he doesn’t like me either.”

Lenora felt the hot sting of tears threatening her. She chased the tears away, sucking the disappointment back inside and hoped that Chastity would distract her.

“I mean, they have their problems, too. It’s not always sunshine in these four walls, trust me! I think I’m 99% of the reason that they do have any disagreements. My mom wants me to stay home and learn how to cook while my father wants me to be like you, basically. A career-minded woman.”

“But your dad isn’t dragging your mother through the house and flogging her with his bare fists,” Lenora spit out.

Chastity drank her milk, closing her eyes. “No, he’s not. And I’m really sorry to hear that he’s still putting it to your mother. I never thought your dad was the strong-arm type.”

Lenora deftly shrugged. “We never think the people we love or think we love would do the things they do. Especially awful things.”

“Your daddy, he’s so big…just seems unfair to beat on such a small, gentle woman like your mother, you know? It just isn’t right.”

“Can we please not talk about this any further? I’d like to talk about something else. Please.”

Chastity smirked, placing her half-empty glass down onto the coffee table in front of her sofa. “Of course. I do want to tell you though, I found my mama’s stash of moonshine. You want some?”

“She’ll know if we have some, don’t you think?”

Chastity made her way up the stairs in a hurry, like she was being chased. Chased by time, more or less. When she finally made her way back down, she held a large mason jar of clear liquid that almost reached the rim. She shook it carefully in front of Lenora’s face before sitting down next to her, mischievous grin spread along her lips. “She won’t know because this stuff will knock us on our tails within a sip or two.”

Chastity opened the container, the fumes lifted into the air in front of them, making both of the girls’ eyes water.

“Gosh, Chas, that’s a murderous smell!” Lenora cried out, coughing.

“Exactly! We’ll be right as rain by the time my folks get back. And, we’ll be in my room so they won’t even know what we’ve done!”

Chastity took the first sip, wiping her mouth, eyes squinted hard. She began to cough, handing the jar to Lenora as she hesitantly grabbed it. Her nerves felt cold, worried someone might catch them in the act.

“Go on, do it!” Chastity regained her breathing, eyes watching Lenora intently.

Lenora looked inside of the jar, the fluid swimming around in it as she lifted it to her lips finally, feeling it hit her lips then seep in between them. As soon as it hit her tongue she knew she was in for a world of hurt. It burned going down, and Lenora didn’t hide her disdain, hacking after the first swallow.

“My God, that’s damn awful!”

Chastity laughed, taking the jar back into her hands. “You’re just a goody-goody, that’s all! Let me show you how a real woman handles her liquor.”

Lenora watched as Chastity took a larger drink of the hard stuff, grimacing as Chastity made a pained face. She pushed the jar back to Lenora.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this, really,” Lenora took a gulp.

“Okay, one more for each of us and then we’re done,” Chastity snatched it back from her and finished her end of the bargain.

“I feel like my stomach is going to have a rightful fit later,” Lenora took her last gulp as well as Chastity grabbed for it, twisting the metal cap back on the jar.

Lenora felt herself wanting to spit it out but forced it down, shaking her head as if it would help dispel some of the effects she knew was coming to her soon enough. The last time she got into the alcohol, she had a bad day the next day. She just prayed that it was a little easier this time around.

She watched again as Chastity raced up the stairs like her hide was on fire. Then she settled her eyes on the TV that sat idle, the screen blank, her reflection staring back at her. She was envious of this, too. A new model TV for a family of the 1960s, out in the farmland, while her family had the model that her daddy would allow since he spent most of their earnings at the bar and whatever else. Or whoever else.

He’s a sad little man underneath all that muscle, you know, Lenora told herself. One day, he’ll be just a shriveled up ol’ piece of meat and I look forward to that day.

Don’t say that, that’s not nice to say about your own daddy, she heard a voice that sounded like her mother say.

“But it’s true,” Lenora whispered.

“What’d you say, Nora?” Chastity asked as she made her way back to the sofa from the stairs.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“If you say so, but I swore I heard you say something.”

“I didn’t though, leave me alone.”

Chastity pursed her lips, clicking the power button on the TV as it glowed to life.

Lenora could feel the moonshine working on her as the world slowly became a film of soft light all along the edges of her vision. Her nerves were all gone, and she was feeling light. She looked on at the TV as the news told of a possible missing girl in the Racine County area. Young girl, same age as herself and Chastity. A girl who went to their school.

A Stripper Named Minnie

This was a quick Flash Fiction piece I submitted. Now, I share it with you all:

 

Ann inhaled the smoke from her cigarette, feeling it burn lightly in her lungs. She watched the other girls from the cracked door of the club in the locker room as they dressed, getting ready for their sets. The bass from the music reverberated through the building, the ground absorbing the shock of it under her feet. The mist along with the cigarette smoke flowed from her lips as she pulled onto her faux fur coat tighter, feeling the shivers every minute she stood out in the alley on her smoke break. She knew she would hear it from the den mother, Cassandra, about how smelling of smoke was unappealing to the clients of the club. She didn’t care, she needed it. Her nerves were bad, and she was anxious. She wasn’t even sure why, but she felt like something was going to happen to her—something that would change her life. Good or bad, she wasn’t sure. She just felt it in her bones that it was something.

She checked her phone, noting the time. She stamped out the half-smoked cigarette with her 7-inch heels, walking briskly back inside, closing the heavy door behind her. Ann took off her coat and laid it back in her locker. She kissed the photo of her son she kept on the door of the locker before slamming it shut. The only way to close any doors or anything around the club was to slam them, hard. The last time she wasn’t so careful, the girl Philomena decided to teach Ann a “lesson” by taking her earnings. Said it would “teach her to keep her shit locked up tight”. The lesson was learned and Ann moved on. The women in the club were rougher than some men she knew, and she wasn’t much for fighting. She just steered clear of them all.

She went over her look in the mirror by the exit of the locker room, making sure everything was in place. She paid special attention to curl her mousy, brown hair. She had just gotten it professionally washed and straightened a week before but it only lasted a couple of days before it fell flat again. She did her best with her curling rod at home, a little mousse.

Her bra and panty lingerie set she purchased online from a cute site fit her perfectly. She half expected it to because she was so petite, but it held on to every bit of her unmentionables. The navy blue of the lingerie made her skin paler, a stark contrast, one she hoped would make her stand out. The scars on the inside of her right thigh, however, she tried to hide at all cost. Her heels were the highest she could manage without feeling like she was going to topple over, standing at a whopping 5’3. Her steely blue eyes were her best attribute, so she worked them on everyone.

Once she was certain her look was acceptable, she strutted down the hall to the main floor of the club, parting the curtains so she could enter. The main stage was alive with two women gyrating. She stole a boa from her work friend Alexa who was working on two male clients. She knew Alexa wouldn’t mind as Ann worked the floor, eyeing everyone who was sitting in their seats not preoccupied with watching the girls on the stage or wandering around aimlessly, much like Ann.

While she looked around, Cassandra grabbed her elbow, pulling her in close. “We’ve got a gentleman asking for you specifically over in the private suite area.”

Ann leaned back to search Cassandra’s face, trying to see if it was a joke or legit. “A gentleman? Here? I’ve never seen one.”

Cassandra let go of Ann’s elbow, shrugging, her thin lips pursed hard,“No, you wouldn’t have,” Cassandra replied jokingly. “And I don’t know, girl, but he walked in and saw you. Couldn’t take his pretty blue eyes off ya. He wants you, no one else. In the suite,” Cassandra nodded her head in the direction of the private area heavily blanketed by thick velvet curtains.

“Psh, I might have. Just because you say I wouldn’t have doesn’t prove anything,” Ann told the woman as she waved Ann away.

Ann sauntered over to the suite, making her way up the three steps that led to the area. It wasn’t a room, the club owners didn’t want it to be that type of club, they said. It didn’t really matter.

When Ann stepped inside, the gentleman was seated on the couch, his eyes looking down, dark hair shielding them. The light in the suite glowed red, blinking slowly as darkness swallowed him then lit him up again. When he looked up to receive Ann, she felt a jolt of adrenaline course through her, her blood coursing hard in her veins. She let go of the boa, letting it fall to her feet as she stepped up to the stranger.

She greeted him, telling him her stage name, Minnie. He didn’t respond, but she continued to sway to the music, moving in front of him. When she got closer, he finally looked up at her, his eyes catching hers. A frenzy of electricity moved through her as he watched her move, a space of silence between them. When she leaned in closer, pressing her body onto his as he sat, he caught her chin in his hands gently. She allowed it. Then his hands smoothed in between her thighs. Her immediate reaction was to pull back, but she couldn’t. He smiled in her face.

“What are those? Scars?” He asked knowingly.

Ann nodded. Her voice betrayed her.

He grinned, pointy tips meeting his bottom lip in his mouth. “Road maps that lead to you.”

Ann sighed, closing her eyes, feeling his hot breath against the side of her face as he leaned her head away from him. A sharp pain took her before she was lost.

Fire

I can’t pretend that I am not having these thoughts,

that my anxiety isn’t bothering me.

That these feelings aren’t swallowing me because they are.

I am feeling and inviting all of these things in.

Along with you.

You came and smoke trailed along behind you.

Fire erupted from the barely there embers and here I am–

losing my mind.

I mask it well enough, but it’s there.

Images and memories play and rewind then replay on an endless loop.

Then scenarios I daydream up form and then dissipate.

I know it can’t be. I know it’s not happening, it’s not going to happen.

I hold onto it all the same.

I breathe it in and contain it; digest it.

Oh, I want it to be. I want it to be mine.

I want it for my own, but I know better.

I release it bit by bit every day now. Slowly regaining me.

Every now and then, the ashes of what was blow across my mind.

I smell the smoke, and close my eyes, remembering.

But I leave the remnants of those images and acts where they lay.

Little by little everyday.

Death of Me (Flash Fiction)

The funeral home was ominously quiet. Everyone gathered managed to stay below a whisper when they saw one another, greeting one another. Even the normally rambunctious and outspoken Mama Mela was silent, and she was never a silent woman. She wanted to be heard and made sure she was. But this day, she was uncharacteristically quiet.

Her daughter’s husband laid in the casket. Her daughter, Angela, sat unmoved in her chair in the corner of the front parlor, far away from the man she had married. Her eyes were shiny but she blinked sparingly. She clutched the tissue in her hand to the point of leaving it crumpled, her fingers gripped it so tight that she could no longer feel them. It didn’t matter.

She was lost in her own thoughts as she felt the bodies moving around her, grabbing programs, cups of water and mini plates of tiny sandwiches. The hush that fell over everyone was odd enough, but Angela being unresponsive was unbecoming of her as well. She, like her mother, always had something to say, something to share with everyone. The fact that she said nothing meant a great deal.

“She must be so deep in grief, poor child hasn’t moved once,” she heard her aunt Tammy say to her aunt Betina. Angela could only imagine them shaking their heads, eyes piercing her with worry.

“Poor thing. Maybe we should go say something to her, give her a hug,” Auntie Betina chimed in.

“No,” Auntie Tammy was stern in her no. “M-m, don’t. Leave her be. Something tells me…”

The last of her sentence was lost as Angela shut them out.

Her mother finally rose from her seat, cane in hand, and began walking to Angela. When she came into view, she reached her hand out to touch Angela’s cheek, breaking her from the somber spell she was under.

Her mother’s graying brown eyes stared down at her, pity filled. “Come on, child. You got to say good-bye to the man.”

Angela could only nod as she stood from her seat, slowly letting air fill her stride. She turned to walk back to the section her husband was laid in, his dark wood casket sitting there waiting for her. Her nerves buzzed as she walked to him, the casket open for all to see. Two other people she was sure was his family stood over him until they saw her coming, making way for her and her mother.

As Angela came upon him, she stood tall, her shoulders erect. Her dark brown eyes took him in. The handsome face so still, eyes closed as if he was sleeping peacefully.

Peacefully.

From all outward appearances, he seemed like the perfect father. The perfect husband. Perfect in every way.

Angela’s cold stare led to her heart to heat. Her blood began to boil thinking back on the night that led to this. She had found out about his ongoing tawdry affair with his secretary—the same secretary she was told not to worry about.

“A mistake, that’s all it was, honey, I promise,” he told her when she confronted him, throwing his phone at him. She gave into her anger so easily that night. She never gave herself a chance to think, to collect herself, and just leave. She could have, but she was too hot-headed for all of that calm, cool, and collected jive. She was hurt, and she wanted him to know it immediately. She wanted to make sure he knew it.

And yet, she believed him. They made love that night, if that’s what you want to call it. She allowed him to console her with his body, swallowing her pain whole with his manhood. Sucking it deep down inside of her, trying hard to bury it, smother it. And it was. For a time.

She traced the lines of his face, remembering every little lie that came out of it. The smiles, the promises, all of it. The betrayal that just kept on going behind her back.

Little did her dear husband know, being the gentle wife who could be easily trapped by his sweet caresses and honeyed words was gone.

When she got wind of the continuing affair, she did what she should’ve done the first time the second time around: gain control, gain revenge.

She went on pretending like nothing was wrong. She cooked dinner every night. 30 days of full bellies, 30 days of pleasure, 30 days of seemingly blind ignorance to his foolery. She gave him 30 sweet days of being a two-timing piece of shit. 30 days to wash down 15 years of union. They had one child of their own, but she was surprised to find that the lovely secretary just so happened to show up to the office one day swollen in the midsection with child. His child.

Angela raced over to her mother’s house once she saw with her own eyes the secretary in a glow of pregnancy. As soon as she closed her mother’s door, the words escaped from her lips before she could say hello.

“She’s pregnant.”

Her mother turned to look at her, questioning. “And who is pregnant exactly?”

“The other woman. She’s pregnant, and I know it’s his. My gut tells me so.”

Her mother sucked her teeth. “What you gonna do, Angie?”

“I want to see Mi’chele,” Angela breathed, holding her head high; strong in her resolute.

“Now,” Mama Mela sat down in her La-Z Boy recliner, “if you do this, you know there’s absolutely no going back. No resurrection, no regrets, nothing. You do this, and that’s it. It’s done. Do you understand?”

Angela understood.

30 days later, here he laid in the casket. His skin looked like it was still breathing, living. Mi’chele’s dark spell was still at work inside of him.

Angela looked down on him, strong in her decision. She only wished that she had made him suffer just a little bit more.

When Did Your Love Die?

He used to come see me

He used to be excited about me

He used to be sure about me

Now he just can’t say for sure because it’s not that simple

He used to drive to me

But now he’s tired of it

He feels he has to do all of the traveling/driving

When did he start feeling this way?

When did the excitement change?

When did he stop missing me?

The shift is apparent.

But he says he doesn’t “think” his feelings have changed; again, another middle-of-the-road answer

He’s not straight-forward about it anymore

He’s not sure

He says he’s just rolling with it

What does that mean?

He seemed more into me when he was overseas

Since he’s been back and CAN see me, he doesn’t

Does he feel it’s too much work now for something he’s not even sure about?

We use to talk about the future in ‘we’ terms

Now we hardly talk about the future, or if we do, it’s separate

I want to stay, I want to do whatever

But he seems like he’s willing to let the cards fall

He seems like he’s ready to let it all go if need be

But he doesn’t want to be the one to end it

He’ll stop doing the things he use to

He’ll build a wall so I can be the one to do it

Is it a waste of valuable time to be with someone you hardly see, he asked

Is that what he thinks

I just want him, I never stopped

When did he stop wanting me? Wanting us?

My FIRST EVER Book GIVEAWAY!

Yes, ladies and gents!

You heard me correctly….wait…you READ me correctly, yes!

I am finally doing a giveaway. A book giveaway.

I will be giving FIVE lucky souls a signed copy of my latest book “Whispers of the Flesh” on November 20th!

November 15th, I will announce the lucky winners via Instagram as well as here.

I felt like now was the best time in honor of my first book’s launch this time last year. To celebrate, I wanted to do something I thought would be amazing, and also something that would be easy for me to do. Since I know people (including myself) love free things, why not a book? I know we all don’t appreciate it but for those who do, I am all about it.

So if you’d like your chance to receive a FREE copy of my lovely second book in my Makaela Williams series, please check out my Instagram page, ‘Like’ the post, and comment “Whispers” in the comment section of the post.

Stay tuned and thank you!

“Whispers of the Flesh” is available on Amazon, Kindle.

Watch “TV Talk – American Horror Story: Apocalypse, Ep. 5 “Boy Wonder” Review” on YouTube

Yes, welcome in!

I just reviewed the latest episode of “American Horror Story: Apocalypse” BOY WONDER!

Michael is the devil or devil adjacent, this is something we should all know by now, and there’s no mistaking it.

Cordelia gives in to the demands for allowing Michael to take the seven wonders test that every Supreme-to-be must take before one is to be the Supreme. She’s unsure but…*shrug*

The warlocks are way too power starved, and allow the devil in, but it will have grave consequences.

Check out my YouTube video, please feel free to subscribe as well as leave your thoughts on the latest episode. Tell me what you think of this season so far. We’re only 5 episodes in, but I’m dying you converse. With Halloween so near, what do you think the Halloween episode will be like? Here’s hoping I doesn’t go too far south.

Update: Book Two is AVAILABLE (unlike me)!!! – SoundCloud

Good morning everyone and all!

I have a new podcast up. It’s been a while, I know, but I explain it all in my new episode! Just click the link below to get the deets on why I’ve been MIA, “Whispers of the Flesh” being available on Amazon, reviews I’ve been doing on YouTube, and a few other things as well. Overall, I’m hoping this will give me content ideas for the future…if there’s one.

Listen to Update: Book Two is AVAILABLE (unlike me)!!! by The Written Life #np on #SoundCloud

Watch “TV Talk – American Horror Story: Apocalypse, Ep. 4 “Could it Be…Satan?” Review” on YouTube

Good morning, world!!!

I’m back with another review (late, but back) for that good ol’ American Horror Story: Apocalypse, Ep. 4 “Could It Be…Satan?”

We get warlocks, our favorite witches, a little Hotel, and a cute back story on Ms. Mead and Michael’s relationship.

Warlocks are salty little beings and will take in even the devil’s own to dethrone the supreme, but will it come at a grave cost to their school for gifted young men? Hmm…

What will the witches do to combat that terrible Langdon? And how powerful IS Mallory?…

Why’s Coco a witch? How?

What did you guys think of this episode? Let’s discuss!