Robin Tompkins's Blog: Rob the Writer - Posts Tagged "creative-writing"
Pompous and Pretentious
So, pompous and pretentious… Strangely enough, that’s not a firm of solicitors. Although, if Cedric Pompous and Celia Pretentious, Attorneys at Law, are reading this, please don’t sue me, it’s just a coincidence, honestly.
I’ve written a couple of new blog pieces now, read them back, laughed at myself and scrapped them. Mr Ego is not my friend, I must not trust him, he is always setting traps to make me look stupid. When I get enthusiastic and start banging on about something, it’s so easy to jump on the banana skin and slide with it. 😊
So, if you do catch me sounding like a hybrid of Captain Mainwaring from Dad’s Army, Mr Micawber and a, ‘trendy vicar,’ just ignore me. I don’t mean it; I will probably grow out of it and I’m sorry.
Where was I… Oh, yes… Now, you know writing, writing is a little bit like God’s love…
I’ve written a couple of new blog pieces now, read them back, laughed at myself and scrapped them. Mr Ego is not my friend, I must not trust him, he is always setting traps to make me look stupid. When I get enthusiastic and start banging on about something, it’s so easy to jump on the banana skin and slide with it. 😊
So, if you do catch me sounding like a hybrid of Captain Mainwaring from Dad’s Army, Mr Micawber and a, ‘trendy vicar,’ just ignore me. I don’t mean it; I will probably grow out of it and I’m sorry.
Where was I… Oh, yes… Now, you know writing, writing is a little bit like God’s love…
My ‘Writer Brain.’ Or, ‘here kitty,kitty…’
So, when I did the initial Goodreads Q&A, the question of inspiration came up. I said, that the short answer was, that for the most part, ideas just arrive out of nowhere. I also said, that the long answer was more interesting and might make a blog piece. So, here we go…
I have read elsewhere, that it feels as if the stories are already there, just waiting to be found. It’s like archaeology, you see just one small corner of something sticking out of the ground, then after a lot of patient work with a trowel and a paintbrush… there it is. That does ring true, it feels right.
What about that bit that you see first though? That little glint in the corner of your eye? Where does that come from?
Let me introduce you to my ‘Writer Brain.’ Yes, I know, it’s a rubbish name for it. There must be a proper technical term but I have no idea what it is, so it’s my ‘Writer Brain.’
Most people have done a crossword at some time or another in their lives. If you have, then, you have probably had that ‘five across, six letters experience.’ You have the crossword finished, except for, ‘five across, six letters,’ and it just won’t come to you. You throw the magazine down and go on with your day. Seven hours later, you have your head in a supermarket fridge, deciding which bag of peas is the best buy, when a single word just drops into your head. It has nothing to do with frozen food, you don’t know what it’s doing in there. Then slowly, you realise that it’s the answer to ‘five across, six letters.’ The answer to a crossword clue, in a crossword that you gave up on seven hours ago and didn’t give a conscious thought to thereafter.
That’s what my ‘Writer Brain’ is like…
It exists somewhere in the back of my head, separate from my everyday brain, and it obeys its own set of rules. Somewhat like a cat, it won’t come when you call it, unless it feels like it. At other times, it just turns up unexpectedly, demanding attention. It’s a feline ‘Writer Brain,’ for sure.
It’s a greedy thing. It hoovers up everything, like a little black hole. Books, movies, TV, news, everyday conversation, overheard conversation, jokes, music, body language… anything, everything. Then it minces it, it slices it, dices it and rearranges it into something else.
It does this with little or no conscious input from me, just like, ‘five across, six letters.’
So, I am walking over to the supermarket one dark evening, (possibly it’s for those peas, I don’t remember). Into my head and apropos to nothing, comes a little snippet of dialogue. Two people are talking on a balcony, in the dark, looking out over city lights. One is explaining how dark air is different to light air, how dark air conducts magic so much better than light air, just as water conducts electricity better than air.
Shiny, shiny, it’s the corner of a story sticking out of the ground… where is my trowel?
I have read elsewhere, that it feels as if the stories are already there, just waiting to be found. It’s like archaeology, you see just one small corner of something sticking out of the ground, then after a lot of patient work with a trowel and a paintbrush… there it is. That does ring true, it feels right.
What about that bit that you see first though? That little glint in the corner of your eye? Where does that come from?
Let me introduce you to my ‘Writer Brain.’ Yes, I know, it’s a rubbish name for it. There must be a proper technical term but I have no idea what it is, so it’s my ‘Writer Brain.’
Most people have done a crossword at some time or another in their lives. If you have, then, you have probably had that ‘five across, six letters experience.’ You have the crossword finished, except for, ‘five across, six letters,’ and it just won’t come to you. You throw the magazine down and go on with your day. Seven hours later, you have your head in a supermarket fridge, deciding which bag of peas is the best buy, when a single word just drops into your head. It has nothing to do with frozen food, you don’t know what it’s doing in there. Then slowly, you realise that it’s the answer to ‘five across, six letters.’ The answer to a crossword clue, in a crossword that you gave up on seven hours ago and didn’t give a conscious thought to thereafter.
That’s what my ‘Writer Brain’ is like…
It exists somewhere in the back of my head, separate from my everyday brain, and it obeys its own set of rules. Somewhat like a cat, it won’t come when you call it, unless it feels like it. At other times, it just turns up unexpectedly, demanding attention. It’s a feline ‘Writer Brain,’ for sure.
It’s a greedy thing. It hoovers up everything, like a little black hole. Books, movies, TV, news, everyday conversation, overheard conversation, jokes, music, body language… anything, everything. Then it minces it, it slices it, dices it and rearranges it into something else.
It does this with little or no conscious input from me, just like, ‘five across, six letters.’
So, I am walking over to the supermarket one dark evening, (possibly it’s for those peas, I don’t remember). Into my head and apropos to nothing, comes a little snippet of dialogue. Two people are talking on a balcony, in the dark, looking out over city lights. One is explaining how dark air is different to light air, how dark air conducts magic so much better than light air, just as water conducts electricity better than air.
Shiny, shiny, it’s the corner of a story sticking out of the ground… where is my trowel?
Sad Fishes and Other Animals…
So, I have been thinking about what I wrote in my previous post. ‘My Writer Brain, or, ‘Here Kitty, Kitty…’ To save you going back to check it out, it was about the idea that stories feel like they are in some way, already there, like an artifact waiting to be dug out of the ground.
I decided that that was something I related to, that it felt right. Adding to that, I said that if it was like archaeology, then there was that moment when you just catch site of the corner of the artifact sticking out of the ground, when you say to yourself, ‘it’s worth digging here.’
I then asked, ‘where does that first inkling come from?’ Answer, my ‘Writer Brain. This whimsical, capricious and somewhat feline part of my consciousness, that is not really under my control. It sucks in real life and spits out fiction. You know, in its own time, when it thinks it will, if it can be bothered. Unless you try to ignore it, at which point it needs you to know what it needs you to know, now, right now!
So, where do the, ‘Sad Fishes,’ come in?
I was thinking that sometimes I do get an idea of what ‘Writer Brain,’ has been getting up to while I’m not looking. I wrote a story called ‘Sad Fishes.’ Haven’t read it? No, no, I would have been more surprised if you had. That’s OK, I’m used to it. 😊
Anyway, one day, out of nowhere, part of a song arrives in my head. Not an earworm from the radio, a new song, one I had somehow managed to write, without actively trying to. Now, I love music, I have wide musical tastes but I am not musical… My singing would clear a good-sized room faster than a fire alarm. I don’t write songs.
But here in my head was…
Sad fishes, sad fishes, they’re eating from dishes,
Sad fishes, sad fishes, they’re dining at sea.
The next day I had…
They eat off fine china, from a sunken cruise liner,
Sad fishes, sad fishes, they’re dining at sea.
Now the good Captain’s table, is for all that are able,
Sad fishes, sad fishes, they’re dining at sea.
I then realised, that I had to set to and work out what the song meant. Finish the song with my conscious mind, not, ‘Writer Brain.’ Once I did, I would know what the story was about and I could write it.
Well, I did and the story is in the ‘Omar,’ collection if you are curious about how it turned out.
Not the point of this blog piece though.
Where did ‘Writer Brain,’ find the ingredients for the song that led to me unearthing the story? That’s the point.
Well, I think I know… most of the time I don’t but this time, I think I do.
I had been listening quite a lot, in that way you do sometimes, to a particular album. It had become a temporary obsession.
The album was ‘Keep it Unreal,’ (the 10th anniversary re-issue) by famously fish obsessed DJ and Musician Mr Scruff. In particular, I now see three tracks in a new light… ‘Get a Move On,’ ‘Shanty Town,’ and ‘Fish.’
I do not pretend to understand the exact process, ‘Writer Brain,’ used to arrive at ‘Sad Fishes,’ but I am totally convinced that this is where it started from…
I decided that that was something I related to, that it felt right. Adding to that, I said that if it was like archaeology, then there was that moment when you just catch site of the corner of the artifact sticking out of the ground, when you say to yourself, ‘it’s worth digging here.’
I then asked, ‘where does that first inkling come from?’ Answer, my ‘Writer Brain. This whimsical, capricious and somewhat feline part of my consciousness, that is not really under my control. It sucks in real life and spits out fiction. You know, in its own time, when it thinks it will, if it can be bothered. Unless you try to ignore it, at which point it needs you to know what it needs you to know, now, right now!
So, where do the, ‘Sad Fishes,’ come in?
I was thinking that sometimes I do get an idea of what ‘Writer Brain,’ has been getting up to while I’m not looking. I wrote a story called ‘Sad Fishes.’ Haven’t read it? No, no, I would have been more surprised if you had. That’s OK, I’m used to it. 😊
Anyway, one day, out of nowhere, part of a song arrives in my head. Not an earworm from the radio, a new song, one I had somehow managed to write, without actively trying to. Now, I love music, I have wide musical tastes but I am not musical… My singing would clear a good-sized room faster than a fire alarm. I don’t write songs.
But here in my head was…
Sad fishes, sad fishes, they’re eating from dishes,
Sad fishes, sad fishes, they’re dining at sea.
The next day I had…
They eat off fine china, from a sunken cruise liner,
Sad fishes, sad fishes, they’re dining at sea.
Now the good Captain’s table, is for all that are able,
Sad fishes, sad fishes, they’re dining at sea.
I then realised, that I had to set to and work out what the song meant. Finish the song with my conscious mind, not, ‘Writer Brain.’ Once I did, I would know what the story was about and I could write it.
Well, I did and the story is in the ‘Omar,’ collection if you are curious about how it turned out.
Not the point of this blog piece though.
Where did ‘Writer Brain,’ find the ingredients for the song that led to me unearthing the story? That’s the point.
Well, I think I know… most of the time I don’t but this time, I think I do.
I had been listening quite a lot, in that way you do sometimes, to a particular album. It had become a temporary obsession.
The album was ‘Keep it Unreal,’ (the 10th anniversary re-issue) by famously fish obsessed DJ and Musician Mr Scruff. In particular, I now see three tracks in a new light… ‘Get a Move On,’ ‘Shanty Town,’ and ‘Fish.’
I do not pretend to understand the exact process, ‘Writer Brain,’ used to arrive at ‘Sad Fishes,’ but I am totally convinced that this is where it started from…
The importance of having a weapons cabinet. (Or, how to write with someone else).
I recently launched a new book, co-authored with my sister Madeleine Purslow. (The Field of Reeds: In Shadows, out now on Amazon)
Her friend, the writer, Sally Jenkins was greatly intrigued. She was having trouble picturing what it was like to work with another writer. In so far as she could picture it at all, she imagined it as a riot of creative fun, with ideas and banter zinging happily back and forth.
Well, that’s sort of how it goes, you know, a bit, some of the time, occasionally. Then, there are those other times…
Sally asked Maddy if we could give her five hundred or so words on the subject, for a little guest spot on her blog.
We duly obliged and here it is…
The importance of having a weapons cabinet. (Or, how to write with someone else).
So, co-authoring a novel. How does that work? Hmmm, let me introduce you to the weapons cabinet…
Picture, if you will, an antique cabinet in the corner of the room, ornate and a bit dusty. Now, open the doors. They protest a little, they groan, they could do with a spot of oil. Inside though… now, that’s unexpected, every kind of weapon you can think of, softly shining in the half-light. The weapons are all in perfect order and ready for use at a moment’s notice.
Got it? Great, hold that thought, we’ll come back to it in a minute.
So, writing is a solitary thing, isn’t it? You take yourself away from other human beings for hours on end. Go deep inside your own head and stay there.
Stephen King said, writing is actually a form of telepathy. You take words, images, emotions and transfer them from one mind to another. Well, if that works between a writer and a reader, there is absolutely no reason why it shouldn’t work between two writers.
Well, perhaps not absolutely no reason…
Unless you really, get on well with your potential co-author, don’t even think about it. It has been said, that the best way to break up a friendship, is for two people to go on holiday together. I have a better one, try writing together.
If you are writing with someone else and you are both convinced that you have just come up with the best possible way to express what you are trying to say, who’s words do you use?
That’s where the weapons cabinet comes in…
You have to fight it out. Maybe with twin swords? Or, sneaky, ninja, throwing stars? Even a ball point pen can be lethal in the right hands…
Eventually, a compromise, the best of both worlds. Two brains really can be better than one. They had better be brains that genuinely like each other though. Whatever wounds you inflict in the heat of battle, you have to be able to live with afterwards.
So, what about the nuts and bolts? Well, it starts with huge brain storming sessions, lots of notes and a lot of laughing. You build the world, the shared playground and agree on a writing style.
Then, it may be that we take a chapter each, go away and write it. Or, if we are really unsure about how a chapter should go, then we both write the same chapter and ‘swap papers,’ like doing a test at school. Then we… Did you hear the creak, as the weapons cabinet doors opened?
Boundaries are also important, recognising who does what best. If you know your co-author is better at dialogue, or spooky atmospheres, or has a real feel for a particular character, then, you do what serves the story. After a trip to the weapons cabinet, obviously.
So, there you are. This blog has been brought to you after a short but vicious fight, by the gestalt brain that is Madrob, or possibly Robeleine. We have to decide which. Excuse us for a moment, we are just going to the weapons cabinet…
The Field of Reeds in Shadows
Her friend, the writer, Sally Jenkins was greatly intrigued. She was having trouble picturing what it was like to work with another writer. In so far as she could picture it at all, she imagined it as a riot of creative fun, with ideas and banter zinging happily back and forth.
Well, that’s sort of how it goes, you know, a bit, some of the time, occasionally. Then, there are those other times…
Sally asked Maddy if we could give her five hundred or so words on the subject, for a little guest spot on her blog.
We duly obliged and here it is…
The importance of having a weapons cabinet. (Or, how to write with someone else).
So, co-authoring a novel. How does that work? Hmmm, let me introduce you to the weapons cabinet…
Picture, if you will, an antique cabinet in the corner of the room, ornate and a bit dusty. Now, open the doors. They protest a little, they groan, they could do with a spot of oil. Inside though… now, that’s unexpected, every kind of weapon you can think of, softly shining in the half-light. The weapons are all in perfect order and ready for use at a moment’s notice.
Got it? Great, hold that thought, we’ll come back to it in a minute.
So, writing is a solitary thing, isn’t it? You take yourself away from other human beings for hours on end. Go deep inside your own head and stay there.
Stephen King said, writing is actually a form of telepathy. You take words, images, emotions and transfer them from one mind to another. Well, if that works between a writer and a reader, there is absolutely no reason why it shouldn’t work between two writers.
Well, perhaps not absolutely no reason…
Unless you really, get on well with your potential co-author, don’t even think about it. It has been said, that the best way to break up a friendship, is for two people to go on holiday together. I have a better one, try writing together.
If you are writing with someone else and you are both convinced that you have just come up with the best possible way to express what you are trying to say, who’s words do you use?
That’s where the weapons cabinet comes in…
You have to fight it out. Maybe with twin swords? Or, sneaky, ninja, throwing stars? Even a ball point pen can be lethal in the right hands…
Eventually, a compromise, the best of both worlds. Two brains really can be better than one. They had better be brains that genuinely like each other though. Whatever wounds you inflict in the heat of battle, you have to be able to live with afterwards.
So, what about the nuts and bolts? Well, it starts with huge brain storming sessions, lots of notes and a lot of laughing. You build the world, the shared playground and agree on a writing style.
Then, it may be that we take a chapter each, go away and write it. Or, if we are really unsure about how a chapter should go, then we both write the same chapter and ‘swap papers,’ like doing a test at school. Then we… Did you hear the creak, as the weapons cabinet doors opened?
Boundaries are also important, recognising who does what best. If you know your co-author is better at dialogue, or spooky atmospheres, or has a real feel for a particular character, then, you do what serves the story. After a trip to the weapons cabinet, obviously.
So, there you are. This blog has been brought to you after a short but vicious fight, by the gestalt brain that is Madrob, or possibly Robeleine. We have to decide which. Excuse us for a moment, we are just going to the weapons cabinet…
The Field of Reeds in Shadows
A Single Sentence…
So, what do reviews mean to an indie author? Well, I’ll tell you, they mean everything, they mean the world. Does that sound a bit over the top? It isn’t. I can’t overstate how important they are to us.
One of the reasons, quite frankly, is because they are so hard to get. The same reason gold and diamonds are worth so much, they are a scarce commodity. Only a very small percentage of those who buy a book will stop and rate it, even fewer will review it. The irony of that, is that when deciding whether to buy a book, the first thing anyone does, is to check the reviews. No one wants to write reviews but everyone wants to read them.
They are especially important for indie authors. We already have a bit of a mountain to climb, getting people’s attention and getting them to take us seriously. It is even harder to try and persuade people to buy a book with no reviews.
It’s not just that though. Indie authors are generally not in it for the money, because we know there isn’t really any money in it, not for most of us anyway. We do it because we love it and because we want other people to love what we do.
Most of the time though, it’s like going out into the middle of a field and shouting at the clouds. I’m going to do something that’s a bit frowned upon now, I’m going to quote myself… yes, I know but I think I put it quite well over on my website, where on the homepage I say…
“I'm going to paraphrase Steven King now (if you're going to do a thing like that you should always warn people first). He said something along the lines of...
If telepathy is transmitting thoughts and images from one mind to another, then telepathy is real. Writing is telepathy.
It's also lonely... You send your work out into the ether and have no idea how it is doing. Like packing your children a lunch, sending them off into the world and then... and then... they don't call, they don't write...
So, why not let me know how the telepathy is going?”
Without reviews, we don’t know how the kids are doing. Are they well behaved? Do people like them? Has anyone fallen in love with them? What have they been getting up to?
So, why aren’t there more reviews? I have some thoughts on that.
There is of course the obvious, people just don’t like your book but they don’t like to say. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Horrible thought but it is one all writers have to live with if we publish our work. Silence, feeds into our, ‘imposter syndrome,’ and self-doubt, it can give us some very bad days.
The next obvious one is, ‘life gets in the way,’ people really do mean to review you but ‘stuff happens,’ and they never get around to it. Time goes by and then it sort of feels too late. (It isn’t, we will take the review and thank you for it).
The other one I hear a lot is, ‘who wants to know what I think? I’m nobody, who cares what I have to say?’ We do! We really, really do! You’re our readers we absolutely, definitely, incontrovertibly want to know what you think. Anyway, what on Earth do you mean, ‘I’m nobody?’ You are somebody, you are you and you are absolutely unique in the universe. Your opinion is as good as anyone else’s and likely better than many with louder voices.
Then we come to what is probably the biggest one. ‘I was going to review your book but I didn’t know what to say.’
So many people are put off leaving a review, because they feel like they have to write a ‘book report,’ like they have gone back to their school days, or because they think they have to come up with something witty or insightful to say, that others will judge them on the quality of their review.
Many people love to pen an in-depth review and we are always up for reading them but there is no need to do that if you are not comfortable with it. Genuinely, don’t worry about it. A single sentence will do, whatever you want to put. ‘Such a good book, I loved it,’ or, ‘I so enjoyed this, I hope there will be a sequel,’ Is just as valid as any other review. It may not be witty, or insightful but if it is how the book made you feel, then it’s fine.
Just one more thing and then I will have had my say on the subject of reviews.
Please be kind.
The thing is, authors are people too, if you see what I mean. We have this mad urge to write and publish books, nobody asked us to, you didn’t ask us to, I get that. If we stick our heads above the parapet then we can expect that we might get shot at. Still, we have all the same problems as anyone else, some people have easier lives and some harder and that is the way of the world. Most indie authors shoehorn a little writing into their lives where they can. The book you review could represent two years of stolen Sunday afternoons, or eighteen months of early mornings before work.
Just remember, that when you review an indie author’s book, you are not reviewing the latest budget dishwasher from a faceless corporation, or even the latest blockbuster by a million selling author who doesn’t even read their own reviews and never sees the bad ones anyway. No, you are talking directly to the person who wrote it and it’s their baby.
I know it can be fun to dismantle something with a witty turn of phrase but you know, you wouldn’t go up to someone in the street, slap their kid twice around the back of the head and say, ‘You have such an ugly kid, you should be ashamed.’ You wouldn’t, would you?
One of the reasons, quite frankly, is because they are so hard to get. The same reason gold and diamonds are worth so much, they are a scarce commodity. Only a very small percentage of those who buy a book will stop and rate it, even fewer will review it. The irony of that, is that when deciding whether to buy a book, the first thing anyone does, is to check the reviews. No one wants to write reviews but everyone wants to read them.
They are especially important for indie authors. We already have a bit of a mountain to climb, getting people’s attention and getting them to take us seriously. It is even harder to try and persuade people to buy a book with no reviews.
It’s not just that though. Indie authors are generally not in it for the money, because we know there isn’t really any money in it, not for most of us anyway. We do it because we love it and because we want other people to love what we do.
Most of the time though, it’s like going out into the middle of a field and shouting at the clouds. I’m going to do something that’s a bit frowned upon now, I’m going to quote myself… yes, I know but I think I put it quite well over on my website, where on the homepage I say…
“I'm going to paraphrase Steven King now (if you're going to do a thing like that you should always warn people first). He said something along the lines of...
If telepathy is transmitting thoughts and images from one mind to another, then telepathy is real. Writing is telepathy.
It's also lonely... You send your work out into the ether and have no idea how it is doing. Like packing your children a lunch, sending them off into the world and then... and then... they don't call, they don't write...
So, why not let me know how the telepathy is going?”
Without reviews, we don’t know how the kids are doing. Are they well behaved? Do people like them? Has anyone fallen in love with them? What have they been getting up to?
So, why aren’t there more reviews? I have some thoughts on that.
There is of course the obvious, people just don’t like your book but they don’t like to say. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Horrible thought but it is one all writers have to live with if we publish our work. Silence, feeds into our, ‘imposter syndrome,’ and self-doubt, it can give us some very bad days.
The next obvious one is, ‘life gets in the way,’ people really do mean to review you but ‘stuff happens,’ and they never get around to it. Time goes by and then it sort of feels too late. (It isn’t, we will take the review and thank you for it).
The other one I hear a lot is, ‘who wants to know what I think? I’m nobody, who cares what I have to say?’ We do! We really, really do! You’re our readers we absolutely, definitely, incontrovertibly want to know what you think. Anyway, what on Earth do you mean, ‘I’m nobody?’ You are somebody, you are you and you are absolutely unique in the universe. Your opinion is as good as anyone else’s and likely better than many with louder voices.
Then we come to what is probably the biggest one. ‘I was going to review your book but I didn’t know what to say.’
So many people are put off leaving a review, because they feel like they have to write a ‘book report,’ like they have gone back to their school days, or because they think they have to come up with something witty or insightful to say, that others will judge them on the quality of their review.
Many people love to pen an in-depth review and we are always up for reading them but there is no need to do that if you are not comfortable with it. Genuinely, don’t worry about it. A single sentence will do, whatever you want to put. ‘Such a good book, I loved it,’ or, ‘I so enjoyed this, I hope there will be a sequel,’ Is just as valid as any other review. It may not be witty, or insightful but if it is how the book made you feel, then it’s fine.
Just one more thing and then I will have had my say on the subject of reviews.
Please be kind.
The thing is, authors are people too, if you see what I mean. We have this mad urge to write and publish books, nobody asked us to, you didn’t ask us to, I get that. If we stick our heads above the parapet then we can expect that we might get shot at. Still, we have all the same problems as anyone else, some people have easier lives and some harder and that is the way of the world. Most indie authors shoehorn a little writing into their lives where they can. The book you review could represent two years of stolen Sunday afternoons, or eighteen months of early mornings before work.
Just remember, that when you review an indie author’s book, you are not reviewing the latest budget dishwasher from a faceless corporation, or even the latest blockbuster by a million selling author who doesn’t even read their own reviews and never sees the bad ones anyway. No, you are talking directly to the person who wrote it and it’s their baby.
I know it can be fun to dismantle something with a witty turn of phrase but you know, you wouldn’t go up to someone in the street, slap their kid twice around the back of the head and say, ‘You have such an ugly kid, you should be ashamed.’ You wouldn’t, would you?
Sonic Screwdrivers and Other Useful Devices…
So, what has the sonic screwdriver in Dr Who got to do with writing then? Well, look, I’m a Who fan, it says so in my biog, so humour me. This little article gives me a chance to throw in my two pennies worth on a much-debated fan issue and has some points to make about writing too. So, win, win, as they say, unless you don’t like Dr Who of course. In which case…what’s wrong with you?
OK, so there may be the odd person out there who knows nothing of Dr Who and the issue of which I speak, so for your sake, gentle reader…
Dr Who, is the longest running Sci-Fi show in the world, made on and off by the BBC since 1963. It centres around the adventures of a largely benevolent, ancient alien being known as ‘The Doctor.’ The Doctor is in possession of a machine called a Tardis which allows The Doctor and one or more companions to go anywhere in all of time and space. The expressed intent is to explore and observe but generally speaking, The Doctor ends up fighting against oppression intolerance, greed etc and righting wrongs wherever they go.
The Doctor’s intentions are always good and peaceful but he/she often ends up being one of the most lethal pacifists you have ever heard of. Part of these aforementioned good intentions, dictate that he/she will not carry a gun, or other conventional weaponry on their person.
What The Doctor does carry, is a sort of a ‘Space Swiss Army Knife,’ or ‘Extra-Terrestrial Multi-Tool.’ This device is called ‘The Sonic Screwdriver,’
OK, so far so good. Now we come to the issue that divides Whovians and critics alike.
The Sonic, as the device is known for short, has an astonishing array of abilities. A bit too astonishing for many, who claim that it is a ‘get out of jail free card,’ and an excuse for lazy writing, a ‘magic wand’. Those of this opinion, would like the device permanently written out of the show. Those opposed, say that Dr Who wouldn’t be the same without the Sonic, which, barring a short period in the 80s, has been a feature since the Doctor’s second incarnation first used it, back in 1968. (The first Doctor had a sort of a ‘magic ring,’ that served a broadly similar purpose).
So, now we come to my opinion and the bit that’s to do with writing.
It actually makes no sense at all to get rid of the Sonic. In fact, it would make more sense if the Doctor carried more gadgets. For all those who were up in arms about the very brief appearance of ‘Sonic Sunglasses,’ during the Capaldi years, bear with me, I have logic and reason to back this up.
From a writing perspective, from an in-world, narrative stand point, there has to be a Sonic at the very least. Why? Well, POV as people say nowadays, you are a super intelligent alien scientist and engineer, with access to all of the technology that there is, ever has been, or ever will be. Not just all of the human tech but all the extra-terrestrial tech too. Further, you know that your lifestyle is always getting you into life threatening situations and endangering the lives of your companions. Are we seriously suggesting that such a person would carry absolutely no useful technology on them at all? What sense would that make? If I was The Doctor, every stitch of clothing I was wearing, right down to my socks, would be full of concealed, wearable tech.
In fact, not only should there be a Sonic, there should be an in-world explanation for the lack of other devices. Let me offer the suggestion, that the Doctor is concerned about exposing other species to advanced technology superior to their own and so limits the technology to the Sonic, a tool which allows them to MacGyver other devices as needed? It’s possibly not the best explanation but it’s serviceable. There is though, no, sensible reason to carry nothing at all.
As a ‘writing device,’ as opposed to a technological one, the sonic serves another good and useful purpose. Since it seems to be able monitor and detect all manner of substances, hack most computer and surveillance systems and perform medical scans amongst other things, it can save an awful lot of time. The average episode is only forty-five minutes long. Imagine if you had to spend large chunks of time seeking out a medical professional and a sick bay? Finding a hacker and getting them to a terminal, or going to a lab to analyse air samples?
OK, so yes, there is the danger of the Sonic being abused. I would just like to point out, that The Doctor freeing themself from restraints, or unlocking doors, does not constitute abuse, as has been suggested elsewhere. See, my previous argument. Obviously, The Doctor will carry a device for that purpose, even the average TV detective carries a set of lock picks, is The Doctor not as bright as Magnum PI? Again, forty-five-minute episodes in which to establish characters and give them back stories, build atmosphere and tension, explain plot points without massive info dumps and tell a good, satisfying story… that’s a lot. The Sonic as a short cut is not abuse, it’s economical writing.
Yes, yes, I hear you say but it is, used as a ‘get out of jail free card,’ or a ‘magic wand’ to zap away problems. OK, yes, it has been but that is not the fault of the Sonic, that’s the fault of the writer and the showrunner who let them get away with it. The Sonic is needed for all of the aforementioned reasons.
There are plenty of ways to temporarily side-line the sonic. It can malfunction, it can be accidentally left in the Tardis, it can be confiscated to name but three off the top of my head. Also, it is already established that there are things the Sonic can’t do. Famously, ‘it doesn’t do wood,’ and we know it cannot open a ‘’deadlock seal.’
No, the problem is not the Sonic, the problem is the writing. The kind of writer who will abuse the Sonic, is the kind of writer who will just use a different plot device as a ‘get out of jail free card.’ If the Sonic is not available, a gadget will be miraculously found in a drawer, a convenient lightning strike will take out the power, or someone will ‘just happen by at the right moment.’ Removing the Sonic doesn’t remove the problem, it just removes something useful. See, I told you this would be about writing as well as Dr Who.
Anyway, the Sonic is cool…
So, hands off the Sonic. That being said, I have to admit, that I would be fairly pleased if it was held and used like a scientific instrument and not brandished like a magic wand. Some Doctors are worse than others in this regard and it is very much a ‘Nu Who,’ thing.
Even so… Long live the Sonic Screwdriver. Just don’t say, ‘Abracadabra,’ when you wave it around.
OK, so there may be the odd person out there who knows nothing of Dr Who and the issue of which I speak, so for your sake, gentle reader…
Dr Who, is the longest running Sci-Fi show in the world, made on and off by the BBC since 1963. It centres around the adventures of a largely benevolent, ancient alien being known as ‘The Doctor.’ The Doctor is in possession of a machine called a Tardis which allows The Doctor and one or more companions to go anywhere in all of time and space. The expressed intent is to explore and observe but generally speaking, The Doctor ends up fighting against oppression intolerance, greed etc and righting wrongs wherever they go.
The Doctor’s intentions are always good and peaceful but he/she often ends up being one of the most lethal pacifists you have ever heard of. Part of these aforementioned good intentions, dictate that he/she will not carry a gun, or other conventional weaponry on their person.
What The Doctor does carry, is a sort of a ‘Space Swiss Army Knife,’ or ‘Extra-Terrestrial Multi-Tool.’ This device is called ‘The Sonic Screwdriver,’
OK, so far so good. Now we come to the issue that divides Whovians and critics alike.
The Sonic, as the device is known for short, has an astonishing array of abilities. A bit too astonishing for many, who claim that it is a ‘get out of jail free card,’ and an excuse for lazy writing, a ‘magic wand’. Those of this opinion, would like the device permanently written out of the show. Those opposed, say that Dr Who wouldn’t be the same without the Sonic, which, barring a short period in the 80s, has been a feature since the Doctor’s second incarnation first used it, back in 1968. (The first Doctor had a sort of a ‘magic ring,’ that served a broadly similar purpose).
So, now we come to my opinion and the bit that’s to do with writing.
It actually makes no sense at all to get rid of the Sonic. In fact, it would make more sense if the Doctor carried more gadgets. For all those who were up in arms about the very brief appearance of ‘Sonic Sunglasses,’ during the Capaldi years, bear with me, I have logic and reason to back this up.
From a writing perspective, from an in-world, narrative stand point, there has to be a Sonic at the very least. Why? Well, POV as people say nowadays, you are a super intelligent alien scientist and engineer, with access to all of the technology that there is, ever has been, or ever will be. Not just all of the human tech but all the extra-terrestrial tech too. Further, you know that your lifestyle is always getting you into life threatening situations and endangering the lives of your companions. Are we seriously suggesting that such a person would carry absolutely no useful technology on them at all? What sense would that make? If I was The Doctor, every stitch of clothing I was wearing, right down to my socks, would be full of concealed, wearable tech.
In fact, not only should there be a Sonic, there should be an in-world explanation for the lack of other devices. Let me offer the suggestion, that the Doctor is concerned about exposing other species to advanced technology superior to their own and so limits the technology to the Sonic, a tool which allows them to MacGyver other devices as needed? It’s possibly not the best explanation but it’s serviceable. There is though, no, sensible reason to carry nothing at all.
As a ‘writing device,’ as opposed to a technological one, the sonic serves another good and useful purpose. Since it seems to be able monitor and detect all manner of substances, hack most computer and surveillance systems and perform medical scans amongst other things, it can save an awful lot of time. The average episode is only forty-five minutes long. Imagine if you had to spend large chunks of time seeking out a medical professional and a sick bay? Finding a hacker and getting them to a terminal, or going to a lab to analyse air samples?
OK, so yes, there is the danger of the Sonic being abused. I would just like to point out, that The Doctor freeing themself from restraints, or unlocking doors, does not constitute abuse, as has been suggested elsewhere. See, my previous argument. Obviously, The Doctor will carry a device for that purpose, even the average TV detective carries a set of lock picks, is The Doctor not as bright as Magnum PI? Again, forty-five-minute episodes in which to establish characters and give them back stories, build atmosphere and tension, explain plot points without massive info dumps and tell a good, satisfying story… that’s a lot. The Sonic as a short cut is not abuse, it’s economical writing.
Yes, yes, I hear you say but it is, used as a ‘get out of jail free card,’ or a ‘magic wand’ to zap away problems. OK, yes, it has been but that is not the fault of the Sonic, that’s the fault of the writer and the showrunner who let them get away with it. The Sonic is needed for all of the aforementioned reasons.
There are plenty of ways to temporarily side-line the sonic. It can malfunction, it can be accidentally left in the Tardis, it can be confiscated to name but three off the top of my head. Also, it is already established that there are things the Sonic can’t do. Famously, ‘it doesn’t do wood,’ and we know it cannot open a ‘’deadlock seal.’
No, the problem is not the Sonic, the problem is the writing. The kind of writer who will abuse the Sonic, is the kind of writer who will just use a different plot device as a ‘get out of jail free card.’ If the Sonic is not available, a gadget will be miraculously found in a drawer, a convenient lightning strike will take out the power, or someone will ‘just happen by at the right moment.’ Removing the Sonic doesn’t remove the problem, it just removes something useful. See, I told you this would be about writing as well as Dr Who.
Anyway, the Sonic is cool…
So, hands off the Sonic. That being said, I have to admit, that I would be fairly pleased if it was held and used like a scientific instrument and not brandished like a magic wand. Some Doctors are worse than others in this regard and it is very much a ‘Nu Who,’ thing.
Even so… Long live the Sonic Screwdriver. Just don’t say, ‘Abracadabra,’ when you wave it around.
Truth is Stranger Than Fiction… Is it though? Is it Really?
So, people do say that, “truth is stranger than fiction.” Then, people say a lot of things, most of the time without even thinking about what they are actually, saying. Time honoured phrases, that trip off the tongue in certain situations, platitudes and cliches. Conversation on auto pilot.
“So, I turned round and said…”
“Then he turned round and said…”
Stop it both of you, all that turning round is making me dizzy.
“Well, you know what they say?” No, no I don’t and I don’t think you do either.
“The best laid plans…” You’re quoting a poet and you probably don’t know it.
Anyway, you get the idea. That one though, “Truth is Stranger Than Fiction.” That one always makes me go, “nope,” really it isn’t, not most of the time. Give me fiction any day. Then, I would say that wouldn’t I, you know, because I write fiction.
Most of the time, the truth is dull, the truth is a spoil sport.
UFOs? Misidentified stuff, clouds, balloons, party lanterns, birds, satellites, commercial aircraft, military aircraft… maybe the odd sneaky secret aircraft.
Ghosts? Psychology and circumstance, insects and animals, the wind, the light and pareidolia.
Cryptids? Misidentified ordinary everyday animals, psychology and circumstance, wishful thinking.
The truth even spoils things that are absolutely one hundred percent real.
Dinosaurs for instance. For a long time, we thought they were these gigantic, scaly dragon-like creatures, like nothing alive today. Turns out, that apart from those properly enormous guys with the long necks, most of them were nothing like as big as you think and covered in feathers. The famous Velociraptor wasn’t a scary seven-foot dragon, it was a big, very bitey, turkey. Most of the famous dinosaurs are related to chickens… T Rex, enormous chicken, with big sharp teeth. The age of the dinosaurs? The age of the quite big poultry more like...
Jurassic Park, the epic creatures of Ray Harryhausen… They were so much better.
Who amongst you has fallen for those hyped-up astronomical events? You know the stuff, it gets all over the internet, the TV, print media. “Astonishing sight in our skies tonight, won’t be seen again for a century.” To observe this, “astonishing sight” it is necessary to go out into your garden at two in the morning in the middle of winter with a telescope. The problem is that they are never that astonishing.
OK, to be fair, from an intellectual standpoint I can appreciate that when I am freezing my a** of looking for comet whatever, I am seeing an object that is millions of years old, millions of miles away and not coming back for a hundred years and yes that is astonishing. But… what I am actually seeing in the night sky, is a vague fuzzy blur that I probably wouldn’t even have noticed if I hadn’t known it was there. It is so far away that the telescope I am clutching in my ice-cold hands makes little or no difference to its appearance, turning it into an ever so slightly larger fuzzy blur.
I’ve seen Comets in movies, on TV and in my imagination. They were huge, burning balls of rock streaking across the sky, trailing a fiery tail behind them. Mr Truth says, if they really looked like that and not a small fuzzy blur, then we would all be doomed. Boring!
Then there are all those historical figures who weren’t who we thought they were, or didn’t actually do the thing they were famous for, or go to the place they were famous for discovering. The list goes on.
Oh, so many disappointments…
Truth is stranger than fiction? No, sorry, the truth is a spoilsport. Truth is not stranger than fiction. The truth is almost always much more boring and mundane.
So, buy more books I say, spend more time divorced from reality, reality stinks, retreat from it, get as far away from it as possible. Just do it, you know it makes sense.
***
Disclaimer: This is a light hearted opinion piece, voicing a wildly exaggerated opinion for comedic purposes and not actually a recommendation for a balanced lifestyle. I am not responsible for the mental or physical health of anyone who decides to follow my ludicrous advice.
Afterthought: should internet influencers also post disclaimers like that?
“So, I turned round and said…”
“Then he turned round and said…”
Stop it both of you, all that turning round is making me dizzy.
“Well, you know what they say?” No, no I don’t and I don’t think you do either.
“The best laid plans…” You’re quoting a poet and you probably don’t know it.
Anyway, you get the idea. That one though, “Truth is Stranger Than Fiction.” That one always makes me go, “nope,” really it isn’t, not most of the time. Give me fiction any day. Then, I would say that wouldn’t I, you know, because I write fiction.
Most of the time, the truth is dull, the truth is a spoil sport.
UFOs? Misidentified stuff, clouds, balloons, party lanterns, birds, satellites, commercial aircraft, military aircraft… maybe the odd sneaky secret aircraft.
Ghosts? Psychology and circumstance, insects and animals, the wind, the light and pareidolia.
Cryptids? Misidentified ordinary everyday animals, psychology and circumstance, wishful thinking.
The truth even spoils things that are absolutely one hundred percent real.
Dinosaurs for instance. For a long time, we thought they were these gigantic, scaly dragon-like creatures, like nothing alive today. Turns out, that apart from those properly enormous guys with the long necks, most of them were nothing like as big as you think and covered in feathers. The famous Velociraptor wasn’t a scary seven-foot dragon, it was a big, very bitey, turkey. Most of the famous dinosaurs are related to chickens… T Rex, enormous chicken, with big sharp teeth. The age of the dinosaurs? The age of the quite big poultry more like...
Jurassic Park, the epic creatures of Ray Harryhausen… They were so much better.
Who amongst you has fallen for those hyped-up astronomical events? You know the stuff, it gets all over the internet, the TV, print media. “Astonishing sight in our skies tonight, won’t be seen again for a century.” To observe this, “astonishing sight” it is necessary to go out into your garden at two in the morning in the middle of winter with a telescope. The problem is that they are never that astonishing.
OK, to be fair, from an intellectual standpoint I can appreciate that when I am freezing my a** of looking for comet whatever, I am seeing an object that is millions of years old, millions of miles away and not coming back for a hundred years and yes that is astonishing. But… what I am actually seeing in the night sky, is a vague fuzzy blur that I probably wouldn’t even have noticed if I hadn’t known it was there. It is so far away that the telescope I am clutching in my ice-cold hands makes little or no difference to its appearance, turning it into an ever so slightly larger fuzzy blur.
I’ve seen Comets in movies, on TV and in my imagination. They were huge, burning balls of rock streaking across the sky, trailing a fiery tail behind them. Mr Truth says, if they really looked like that and not a small fuzzy blur, then we would all be doomed. Boring!
Then there are all those historical figures who weren’t who we thought they were, or didn’t actually do the thing they were famous for, or go to the place they were famous for discovering. The list goes on.
Oh, so many disappointments…
Truth is stranger than fiction? No, sorry, the truth is a spoilsport. Truth is not stranger than fiction. The truth is almost always much more boring and mundane.
So, buy more books I say, spend more time divorced from reality, reality stinks, retreat from it, get as far away from it as possible. Just do it, you know it makes sense.
***
Disclaimer: This is a light hearted opinion piece, voicing a wildly exaggerated opinion for comedic purposes and not actually a recommendation for a balanced lifestyle. I am not responsible for the mental or physical health of anyone who decides to follow my ludicrous advice.
Afterthought: should internet influencers also post disclaimers like that?
Doctor Who Showrunner says, “modern woke writers are rubbish and they eat tofu and pretend to like it!” shock! horror!
Well, that, or something like it, was apparently said by Russell T Davies recently, at least according to certain sections of the media anyway.
Incoming Doctor Who showrunner Russell T Davies, or RTD as he is generally known for short, is back to helm Doctor Who for the second time. He was the guy who resurrected the series back in 2005 after a long spell in the televisual wilderness.
It seems, however, that he is of the opinion that all new, young writers are boring, woke incompetents, who can’t write for tofu (no, that’s not a spelling mistake).
Or is he? Is that what he actually, said? Even if it was, was that what he really meant?
So, what did he say? The following is the quote in question, which comes from an interview with RTD and fellow writer Mark Gatiss in the Sunday Times…
“I do a lot of mentoring, and there are voices wanting to be heard — of any gender or ethnicity — who consider themselves invisible. They hate the media that ignores them, and they’re trapped into wanting a job in that medium purely to increase representation. I read their scripts and they’re rubbish. They don’t actually love television, so they don’t know how to write for it.”
Gatiss added…
“I’m so glad you said that. Sometimes I think I’m like Pollyanna because I’ve met so many people over the years who hate making television. It seems to make them so miserable. Go and work on the bins or something. It’s hard work — it gives you ulcers — so you have to love it.”
OK, so you could interpret that as, “RTD says all young writers are woke, angry and incompetent.” You could…
Or, he could be saying, these people got into writing for television for all the wrong reasons. To be clear, that’s not me saying that the causes that they are fighting for are wrong, I’m sure they are not, I’m sure they are all angry with good reason. No, I mean that getting into writing for television because you have an axe to grind and you think it will make a good whetstone, is a bad idea.
I am going to broaden this out in fact, I am going to say, that getting into any kind of writing, for television or otherwise, should be done for only one reason. Because you love it, because you want and need to do it.
Don’t go into it for fame, or money, or even because you have a noble cause to shout about. Do it for its own sake.
Here’s the thing. There are literally millions of talented people in the world who can write. Many, many, of them will be better than you, thousands and thousands will be just as good as you and yes some won’t be as good. Any, or all of these people may also have another edge. They may have had exciting, eventful lives, or have top qualifications in some allied field that gives them a reputation to build on. They may just be better connected and all of them, potentially, might just be luckier than you.
Your chances of success are really, low. Sorry, just telling you like it is. That’s not a reason not to try and just like the lottery, you have to be in it to win it. I am not trying to put anyone off, it’s an adventure, go for it. However, let me just refer you back to the gist of that quote from Mark Gatiss. You have, to love it. If you don’t love it, don’t do it.
There is another point here and it can be inferred from the same quote. I don’t know about writing for TV I have never tried it… looking at my sales figures, you might well argue that I don’t know much about writing at all. (yes, that was a short, bitter laugh you just heard). That aside, let me make another statement…
If no one is listening, all words have equal value.
The most profound statement ever written and a ‘dad joke,’ are identical if no one hears them. There has, to be an audience. Extending that, if you are trying to make a point or right a wrong, it must be the right audience. Not your friends and peer groups who already know what you are saying. No, you need the people who are unaware of you and your story. Otherwise, you are still talking to yourself.
Those writers that RTD mentioned need to love writing and the medium in which they are working. They need to understand it, its power and its limitations. If they want to reach the audience they need to reach and not just shout angrily into the echo chamber, they have to learn their craft. They have to love it.
I think RTD has stated elsewhere, in reference to TV budgets, that any television, even something quite modest, costs millions to bring to the screen in the modern world, where Netflix, Disney and Amazon have raised the bar so high. If someone is going to trust you with millions, you had better know what you are doing.
You are not writing for your friends; you are writing for strangers. You have to write characters they will care about and root for, or they won’t come on the journey with you. You have to entertain as well as preach. Never underestimate the power of humour too. Because a story is grim, doesn’t mean you have to tell it in a relentlessly grim way. If you do, there is a good chance you will lose half your audience. Some people love grimdark misery porn but most need a little balance.
Some may find it unpalatable but here is the truth…
You can tell a bad story well and launch a franchise. You can tell a good story badly and sink the ship.
Happy sailing folks…
Incoming Doctor Who showrunner Russell T Davies, or RTD as he is generally known for short, is back to helm Doctor Who for the second time. He was the guy who resurrected the series back in 2005 after a long spell in the televisual wilderness.
It seems, however, that he is of the opinion that all new, young writers are boring, woke incompetents, who can’t write for tofu (no, that’s not a spelling mistake).
Or is he? Is that what he actually, said? Even if it was, was that what he really meant?
So, what did he say? The following is the quote in question, which comes from an interview with RTD and fellow writer Mark Gatiss in the Sunday Times…
“I do a lot of mentoring, and there are voices wanting to be heard — of any gender or ethnicity — who consider themselves invisible. They hate the media that ignores them, and they’re trapped into wanting a job in that medium purely to increase representation. I read their scripts and they’re rubbish. They don’t actually love television, so they don’t know how to write for it.”
Gatiss added…
“I’m so glad you said that. Sometimes I think I’m like Pollyanna because I’ve met so many people over the years who hate making television. It seems to make them so miserable. Go and work on the bins or something. It’s hard work — it gives you ulcers — so you have to love it.”
OK, so you could interpret that as, “RTD says all young writers are woke, angry and incompetent.” You could…
Or, he could be saying, these people got into writing for television for all the wrong reasons. To be clear, that’s not me saying that the causes that they are fighting for are wrong, I’m sure they are not, I’m sure they are all angry with good reason. No, I mean that getting into writing for television because you have an axe to grind and you think it will make a good whetstone, is a bad idea.
I am going to broaden this out in fact, I am going to say, that getting into any kind of writing, for television or otherwise, should be done for only one reason. Because you love it, because you want and need to do it.
Don’t go into it for fame, or money, or even because you have a noble cause to shout about. Do it for its own sake.
Here’s the thing. There are literally millions of talented people in the world who can write. Many, many, of them will be better than you, thousands and thousands will be just as good as you and yes some won’t be as good. Any, or all of these people may also have another edge. They may have had exciting, eventful lives, or have top qualifications in some allied field that gives them a reputation to build on. They may just be better connected and all of them, potentially, might just be luckier than you.
Your chances of success are really, low. Sorry, just telling you like it is. That’s not a reason not to try and just like the lottery, you have to be in it to win it. I am not trying to put anyone off, it’s an adventure, go for it. However, let me just refer you back to the gist of that quote from Mark Gatiss. You have, to love it. If you don’t love it, don’t do it.
There is another point here and it can be inferred from the same quote. I don’t know about writing for TV I have never tried it… looking at my sales figures, you might well argue that I don’t know much about writing at all. (yes, that was a short, bitter laugh you just heard). That aside, let me make another statement…
If no one is listening, all words have equal value.
The most profound statement ever written and a ‘dad joke,’ are identical if no one hears them. There has, to be an audience. Extending that, if you are trying to make a point or right a wrong, it must be the right audience. Not your friends and peer groups who already know what you are saying. No, you need the people who are unaware of you and your story. Otherwise, you are still talking to yourself.
Those writers that RTD mentioned need to love writing and the medium in which they are working. They need to understand it, its power and its limitations. If they want to reach the audience they need to reach and not just shout angrily into the echo chamber, they have to learn their craft. They have to love it.
I think RTD has stated elsewhere, in reference to TV budgets, that any television, even something quite modest, costs millions to bring to the screen in the modern world, where Netflix, Disney and Amazon have raised the bar so high. If someone is going to trust you with millions, you had better know what you are doing.
You are not writing for your friends; you are writing for strangers. You have to write characters they will care about and root for, or they won’t come on the journey with you. You have to entertain as well as preach. Never underestimate the power of humour too. Because a story is grim, doesn’t mean you have to tell it in a relentlessly grim way. If you do, there is a good chance you will lose half your audience. Some people love grimdark misery porn but most need a little balance.
Some may find it unpalatable but here is the truth…
You can tell a bad story well and launch a franchise. You can tell a good story badly and sink the ship.
Happy sailing folks…
SPANW – The Society for the Protection of Abused and Neglected Words
Where do you stand on the issue of abused and neglected words? Do you stand up to be counted? If so, you are in the wrong place, that’s the Society for Abused and Neglected Numbers. SPANW needs you, all of you, words need you and they need you now!
Not just those, superstar neglected words like “Scurryfunge,” (the last-minute scramble to get everything tidy before guests arrive). Not that perennial favourite abused word “Iconic,” (like an Icon, something flawless and worthy of veneration). “Iconic” is so overworked and exhausted, it has had to check into rehab. No, we all know about those words, they are the “Giant Pandas,” of the world of words. Here at SPANW we are asking you to spare a thought for those other hard-pressed words, the ones that don’t get all the attention.
Case Studies…
Number One: “Decimate’s,” story.
Poor “Decimate,” Decimate began life in ancient Rome and had a very specific and terrifying meaning. If a Roman legion should fall short of its expected standards, it might be punished by the drawing of lots and the execution of every tenth man as an example to the others.
Now, however, Journalists will invite you to look at a scene of devastation and inform you that a flood, or a landslide has “decimated” some town or village. What a very remarkable and selective landslide, what precision there is in nature, to kill every tenth person.
Decimate, if the word could speak for itself, might reasonably point out, that despite the clue being in the name, DECimate, this ancient and mighty word, has just become a synonym for annihilate, devastate, or obliterate.
Number Two: “Swingeing” and “Draconian,” their stories.
Already neglected words outside of the UK, “Swingeing” has now fallen upon hard times, as has “Draconian.” From the sixties, through to the mid-eighties, every British journalist, TV or print, couldn’t resist the allure of the word “swingeing”. Swingeing, together with his close friend “Draconian,” was on everyone’s lips.
“The Government,” they would inform us, “Has imposed draconian measures to ensure that their swingeing cuts are pushed through.” We were all lacerated by swingeing cuts and crushed under the weight of draconian measures back then and we loved it.
Even though we had austerity and covid lockdowns more recently, not much swingeing went on and precious little was draconian. Both words were perfect for the situation but sadly remained in obscurity.
Number Three: “Literally’s,” story.
Literally… Exactly as described, without exaggeration or distortion… That’s what this fine upstanding word used to mean. It was to be trusted, a word to be taken at its word, you might say. Now, after years of abuse, it has instead become a panderer to hyperbole and an enabler to overstatement.
“If I’m not home by eight, my dad will literally kill me.” If that’s the case, if you indeed have a homicidal father, should you be going home at all?
“I was literally blown away.” Odd, because I did not see a tornado warning on the local news?
“I am literally on top of the world right now.” Really? You are speaking to us live from the North Pole?
So, next time you are “literally decimated by the news!” Consider, if instead you might want to apply a swingeing cut to your word abuse. Otherwise, we shall campaign for draconian measures to curb your excesses.
Don’t take words for granted, or abuse and neglect will see the end of them and we shall all be forced to attempt to communicate in emojis, despite pictograms being abandoned in favour of actual words, thousands of years ago.
So, please join the campaign and help us in our vital work.
Here at SPANW, we take in as many words as we can. We tuck them up in blankets, on a bed of clean straw, before a roaring fire and feed them warm milk with an eyedropper for as long as it takes to nurse them back to health. Weary and marginalised, exhausted through overwork, corrupted and debased, or neglected and forgotten, we care for them all. Once they are back on their feet, we temporarily house them in old, worn, second hand dictionaries until they are strong enough to be released back into the wild.
We want to put a SPANW in the works. We demand equal rights for all words and we will lobby governments worldwide until we get it. Will you stand with us?
***
SPANW is a not-for-profit charitable organisation, which does not exist and is a figment of my imagination. Please do not send donations, eye droppers, or worn dictionaries to SPANW (or me). Thank you.
***
For those who have taken me “literally,” please don’t fill the comments box with admonishments regarding how words have always changed their usage over time and always will and how a word that has changed in that way is normalised and validated through common usage. Thank you in advance, I am aware of that and I was just having fun.
Not just those, superstar neglected words like “Scurryfunge,” (the last-minute scramble to get everything tidy before guests arrive). Not that perennial favourite abused word “Iconic,” (like an Icon, something flawless and worthy of veneration). “Iconic” is so overworked and exhausted, it has had to check into rehab. No, we all know about those words, they are the “Giant Pandas,” of the world of words. Here at SPANW we are asking you to spare a thought for those other hard-pressed words, the ones that don’t get all the attention.
Case Studies…
Number One: “Decimate’s,” story.
Poor “Decimate,” Decimate began life in ancient Rome and had a very specific and terrifying meaning. If a Roman legion should fall short of its expected standards, it might be punished by the drawing of lots and the execution of every tenth man as an example to the others.
Now, however, Journalists will invite you to look at a scene of devastation and inform you that a flood, or a landslide has “decimated” some town or village. What a very remarkable and selective landslide, what precision there is in nature, to kill every tenth person.
Decimate, if the word could speak for itself, might reasonably point out, that despite the clue being in the name, DECimate, this ancient and mighty word, has just become a synonym for annihilate, devastate, or obliterate.
Number Two: “Swingeing” and “Draconian,” their stories.
Already neglected words outside of the UK, “Swingeing” has now fallen upon hard times, as has “Draconian.” From the sixties, through to the mid-eighties, every British journalist, TV or print, couldn’t resist the allure of the word “swingeing”. Swingeing, together with his close friend “Draconian,” was on everyone’s lips.
“The Government,” they would inform us, “Has imposed draconian measures to ensure that their swingeing cuts are pushed through.” We were all lacerated by swingeing cuts and crushed under the weight of draconian measures back then and we loved it.
Even though we had austerity and covid lockdowns more recently, not much swingeing went on and precious little was draconian. Both words were perfect for the situation but sadly remained in obscurity.
Number Three: “Literally’s,” story.
Literally… Exactly as described, without exaggeration or distortion… That’s what this fine upstanding word used to mean. It was to be trusted, a word to be taken at its word, you might say. Now, after years of abuse, it has instead become a panderer to hyperbole and an enabler to overstatement.
“If I’m not home by eight, my dad will literally kill me.” If that’s the case, if you indeed have a homicidal father, should you be going home at all?
“I was literally blown away.” Odd, because I did not see a tornado warning on the local news?
“I am literally on top of the world right now.” Really? You are speaking to us live from the North Pole?
So, next time you are “literally decimated by the news!” Consider, if instead you might want to apply a swingeing cut to your word abuse. Otherwise, we shall campaign for draconian measures to curb your excesses.
Don’t take words for granted, or abuse and neglect will see the end of them and we shall all be forced to attempt to communicate in emojis, despite pictograms being abandoned in favour of actual words, thousands of years ago.
So, please join the campaign and help us in our vital work.
Here at SPANW, we take in as many words as we can. We tuck them up in blankets, on a bed of clean straw, before a roaring fire and feed them warm milk with an eyedropper for as long as it takes to nurse them back to health. Weary and marginalised, exhausted through overwork, corrupted and debased, or neglected and forgotten, we care for them all. Once they are back on their feet, we temporarily house them in old, worn, second hand dictionaries until they are strong enough to be released back into the wild.
We want to put a SPANW in the works. We demand equal rights for all words and we will lobby governments worldwide until we get it. Will you stand with us?
***
SPANW is a not-for-profit charitable organisation, which does not exist and is a figment of my imagination. Please do not send donations, eye droppers, or worn dictionaries to SPANW (or me). Thank you.
***
For those who have taken me “literally,” please don’t fill the comments box with admonishments regarding how words have always changed their usage over time and always will and how a word that has changed in that way is normalised and validated through common usage. Thank you in advance, I am aware of that and I was just having fun.
Cruising Caspian’s Seas (not a spelling mistake)
The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
So, I have been following an entertaining thread in one of my Goodreads groups. Someone asked, “Just for fun, if you could visit one setting of a Sci-Fi or Fantasy book for a day, which would you choose and why?”
There were some great suggestions, like the Shire, Wall, to visit the fair every nine years, Rivendell, Arrakis, San Francisco in the Star Trek universe and a lot more, that if I’m honest, I didn’t get and had to Google.
This reminded me of the FAQs I answered when I first set up my Goodreads author page…
Q: If you could travel to any fictional book world, where would you go and what would you do there?
A: Robin Tompkins That’s a tricky question. Most of the fictional places I engage with, tend to be great to read about but probably not the best places to actually visit. It’s a bit obvious of me but I would perhaps say Narnia? Not White Witch era Narnia though. Perhaps they are running Dawn Treader cruises now? Nice, comfy, all-inclusive ones, with a good buffet and a nice bar? I’d probably do that.
Which got me thinking about what that cruise would be like exactly…
Join us on our latest island-hopping cruise,
In the Footsteps of the Dawn Treader
Cruising on either MS Cair Paravel or MS Queen Lucy, identical sister ships recently refurbished to the highest standards. Facilities include: two pools, sauna, spa, gym and fitness centre. Five restaurants, eight bars, movie theatre, planetarium and enclosed observation deck.
Itinerary:
Depart Cair Paravel docks on an early morning sailing into the Great Eastern Ocean.
The Lone Islands
Plenty of time to visit the bustling local markets and get a bite to eat at one of the many fine restaurants, or, if you prefer, the street food scene here is a lively one.
Optional Tour
Guided excursion to the Ducal Palace (former Governor’s residence) and a chance to hear about the darker side of the island’s history, with a visit to the Museum of Slavery. Entrance to both included.
Dragon Island
A small but lovely island with an interesting past. Simply relax on the beach or at one of the many cool beach bars. Local speciality is a cocktail made with fermented palm sap called a “Hot Dragon,” (two shots) or a “Warm Dragon,” (one shot).
Optional Tour
Locally guided tour to the Dragon’s Cave. Marvel at the life size animatronic dragon and see the actual dragon bones in the small museum. The museum shop is a great place to pick up souvenirs, they have dragon themed gifts to suit all budgets, from key rings and fridge magnets to gigantic and wonderfully cuddly plushies!
Deathwater Island
An unremarkable looking little island with quite the secret. Purchase one of the sweet little key ring sized teddy bears from the gift shop at the docks and follow our experienced guide up to “The Pool.” Please, Please, stay behind the line and listen to your guide at all times, it’s for your own safety. Watch, as the local custodian takes your teddies for a dip in the pool and returns them to you, now made from solid gold!
Duffer’s Island
The friendly locals will make you very welcome. There is plenty to see and do here and the restaurants are superb. However, you might want to be aware of this comment that we snipped from “Trip Advisor.”
“The Dufflepuds could not have been more welcoming. Lovely restaurant, decorated in the island style with curios everywhere and a great ambience. The food is to die for but don’t make my mistake, you have to remember the local’s mode of locomotion here people… Don’t order the soup, don’t order the soup or any, and I mean any, hot beverage… oh yes, and no red wine either, don’t go there, trust me.”
Optional Tour
Guided visit to the Magician’s Palace and two hour “introduction to simple spell casting” lesson with a registered second year apprentice magician.
The Dark Island
Unfortunately, due to new international maritime guidelines and certain well publicised incidents that you may be aware of, we no longer take parties ashore here. It is still a spectacular and mysterious site as we sail by though.
The Island of the Star
There is a wealth of information available at the visitor centre here and in the “Sleeping Lords” Museum. Star spotters though need to be cautious, as Ramandu and his lovely daughter understandably, do not like people turning up unannounced at their gates. There are however, a number of lovely items that they have been gracious enough to trap a little starlight in, available in the gift shop. These range from earrings and necklaces, through to tiny bottles of starlight and snow globes. Proceeds from the sale of these items benefit local charities.
Merpeople Fiesta
At the edge of the “Sweet Seas” we anchor up. Your ship will hold a spectacular gala party with fireworks and dancing. It’s Merpeople themed, and costumes are available in our onboard shop. For that authentic touch, why not barter with the actual Merpeople who will swim out to the ship in the afternoon? They love to trade for their hand made trinkets, sustainably made from coral and shells.
Only the Brave
If you are brave enough, the ship’s launch can take a small party out onto the Lily Sea to get a better look at the Reepicheep memorial and the Great Wave. The really intrepid can take out a two-man kayak with one of our expert guides and get even closer. Please note that the line of lion headed buoys marks the international Aslan Line and your guide cannot take you beyond that point in line with maritime law. Please be aware that places are limited on this excursion, it’s first come first served, so register early.
A Fond Farewell?
For those on the Short Package, we sadly must say farewell. You will portal back via picture/wardrobe to your original joining point. *
The party is not over yet for those clients who opted for the Full Package. Your ship will now return to Narnia Cair Paravel Docks via a limited stop reverse of the outward route. There will be more days at sea but that is all the more time to enjoy the wonderful facilities and “me time” available on your lavishly appointed cruise ship.
Here be Sea Serpents
You may have noticed on your maps an area near Deathwater Island marked “Here be Sea Serpents.” The reverse route will take in this enigmatic ocean area and if you are lucky and we usually are (management cannot guarantee sightings) you will be able to observe these magnificent creatures in their natural habitat. For your own safety, we recommend viewing from the enclosed observation deck, where our resident serpent expert will be on hand to answer all of your questions.
Cair Paravel and Sadly we Must Say Goodbye
Upon docking at our final destination, we include a tour of the castle and a farewell luncheon in the main hall. After which we say goodbye as you portal home via picture/wardrobe to your original joining point, * your mind brimming with happy memories. See you next year?
*Please note some clients may need to change at the “Wood Between the Worlds” interchange before travelling on to your original joining point. Royal Narnia Lines representatives will be on hand to safely guide you through the process.
__________________________________________________________________
What do you think? Who wants to come with me?
PS: For any Narnia super fans who have stumbled upon this, it is not meant to knock or mock the series in any way, I love the work of C S Lewis too, it’s all just in fun OK?
So, I have been following an entertaining thread in one of my Goodreads groups. Someone asked, “Just for fun, if you could visit one setting of a Sci-Fi or Fantasy book for a day, which would you choose and why?”
There were some great suggestions, like the Shire, Wall, to visit the fair every nine years, Rivendell, Arrakis, San Francisco in the Star Trek universe and a lot more, that if I’m honest, I didn’t get and had to Google.
This reminded me of the FAQs I answered when I first set up my Goodreads author page…
Q: If you could travel to any fictional book world, where would you go and what would you do there?
A: Robin Tompkins That’s a tricky question. Most of the fictional places I engage with, tend to be great to read about but probably not the best places to actually visit. It’s a bit obvious of me but I would perhaps say Narnia? Not White Witch era Narnia though. Perhaps they are running Dawn Treader cruises now? Nice, comfy, all-inclusive ones, with a good buffet and a nice bar? I’d probably do that.
Which got me thinking about what that cruise would be like exactly…
Join us on our latest island-hopping cruise,
In the Footsteps of the Dawn Treader
Cruising on either MS Cair Paravel or MS Queen Lucy, identical sister ships recently refurbished to the highest standards. Facilities include: two pools, sauna, spa, gym and fitness centre. Five restaurants, eight bars, movie theatre, planetarium and enclosed observation deck.
Itinerary:
Depart Cair Paravel docks on an early morning sailing into the Great Eastern Ocean.
The Lone Islands
Plenty of time to visit the bustling local markets and get a bite to eat at one of the many fine restaurants, or, if you prefer, the street food scene here is a lively one.
Optional Tour
Guided excursion to the Ducal Palace (former Governor’s residence) and a chance to hear about the darker side of the island’s history, with a visit to the Museum of Slavery. Entrance to both included.
Dragon Island
A small but lovely island with an interesting past. Simply relax on the beach or at one of the many cool beach bars. Local speciality is a cocktail made with fermented palm sap called a “Hot Dragon,” (two shots) or a “Warm Dragon,” (one shot).
Optional Tour
Locally guided tour to the Dragon’s Cave. Marvel at the life size animatronic dragon and see the actual dragon bones in the small museum. The museum shop is a great place to pick up souvenirs, they have dragon themed gifts to suit all budgets, from key rings and fridge magnets to gigantic and wonderfully cuddly plushies!
Deathwater Island
An unremarkable looking little island with quite the secret. Purchase one of the sweet little key ring sized teddy bears from the gift shop at the docks and follow our experienced guide up to “The Pool.” Please, Please, stay behind the line and listen to your guide at all times, it’s for your own safety. Watch, as the local custodian takes your teddies for a dip in the pool and returns them to you, now made from solid gold!
Duffer’s Island
The friendly locals will make you very welcome. There is plenty to see and do here and the restaurants are superb. However, you might want to be aware of this comment that we snipped from “Trip Advisor.”
“The Dufflepuds could not have been more welcoming. Lovely restaurant, decorated in the island style with curios everywhere and a great ambience. The food is to die for but don’t make my mistake, you have to remember the local’s mode of locomotion here people… Don’t order the soup, don’t order the soup or any, and I mean any, hot beverage… oh yes, and no red wine either, don’t go there, trust me.”
Optional Tour
Guided visit to the Magician’s Palace and two hour “introduction to simple spell casting” lesson with a registered second year apprentice magician.
The Dark Island
Unfortunately, due to new international maritime guidelines and certain well publicised incidents that you may be aware of, we no longer take parties ashore here. It is still a spectacular and mysterious site as we sail by though.
The Island of the Star
There is a wealth of information available at the visitor centre here and in the “Sleeping Lords” Museum. Star spotters though need to be cautious, as Ramandu and his lovely daughter understandably, do not like people turning up unannounced at their gates. There are however, a number of lovely items that they have been gracious enough to trap a little starlight in, available in the gift shop. These range from earrings and necklaces, through to tiny bottles of starlight and snow globes. Proceeds from the sale of these items benefit local charities.
Merpeople Fiesta
At the edge of the “Sweet Seas” we anchor up. Your ship will hold a spectacular gala party with fireworks and dancing. It’s Merpeople themed, and costumes are available in our onboard shop. For that authentic touch, why not barter with the actual Merpeople who will swim out to the ship in the afternoon? They love to trade for their hand made trinkets, sustainably made from coral and shells.
Only the Brave
If you are brave enough, the ship’s launch can take a small party out onto the Lily Sea to get a better look at the Reepicheep memorial and the Great Wave. The really intrepid can take out a two-man kayak with one of our expert guides and get even closer. Please note that the line of lion headed buoys marks the international Aslan Line and your guide cannot take you beyond that point in line with maritime law. Please be aware that places are limited on this excursion, it’s first come first served, so register early.
A Fond Farewell?
For those on the Short Package, we sadly must say farewell. You will portal back via picture/wardrobe to your original joining point. *
The party is not over yet for those clients who opted for the Full Package. Your ship will now return to Narnia Cair Paravel Docks via a limited stop reverse of the outward route. There will be more days at sea but that is all the more time to enjoy the wonderful facilities and “me time” available on your lavishly appointed cruise ship.
Here be Sea Serpents
You may have noticed on your maps an area near Deathwater Island marked “Here be Sea Serpents.” The reverse route will take in this enigmatic ocean area and if you are lucky and we usually are (management cannot guarantee sightings) you will be able to observe these magnificent creatures in their natural habitat. For your own safety, we recommend viewing from the enclosed observation deck, where our resident serpent expert will be on hand to answer all of your questions.
Cair Paravel and Sadly we Must Say Goodbye
Upon docking at our final destination, we include a tour of the castle and a farewell luncheon in the main hall. After which we say goodbye as you portal home via picture/wardrobe to your original joining point, * your mind brimming with happy memories. See you next year?
*Please note some clients may need to change at the “Wood Between the Worlds” interchange before travelling on to your original joining point. Royal Narnia Lines representatives will be on hand to safely guide you through the process.
__________________________________________________________________
What do you think? Who wants to come with me?
PS: For any Narnia super fans who have stumbled upon this, it is not meant to knock or mock the series in any way, I love the work of C S Lewis too, it’s all just in fun OK?
