Robin Tompkins's Blog: Rob the Writer - Posts Tagged "tongue-in-cheek"
SPANW – The Society for the Protection of Abused and Neglected Words
Where do you stand on the issue of abused and neglected words? Do you stand up to be counted? If so, you are in the wrong place, that’s the Society for Abused and Neglected Numbers. SPANW needs you, all of you, words need you and they need you now!
Not just those, superstar neglected words like “Scurryfunge,” (the last-minute scramble to get everything tidy before guests arrive). Not that perennial favourite abused word “Iconic,” (like an Icon, something flawless and worthy of veneration). “Iconic” is so overworked and exhausted, it has had to check into rehab. No, we all know about those words, they are the “Giant Pandas,” of the world of words. Here at SPANW we are asking you to spare a thought for those other hard-pressed words, the ones that don’t get all the attention.
Case Studies…
Number One: “Decimate’s,” story.
Poor “Decimate,” Decimate began life in ancient Rome and had a very specific and terrifying meaning. If a Roman legion should fall short of its expected standards, it might be punished by the drawing of lots and the execution of every tenth man as an example to the others.
Now, however, Journalists will invite you to look at a scene of devastation and inform you that a flood, or a landslide has “decimated” some town or village. What a very remarkable and selective landslide, what precision there is in nature, to kill every tenth person.
Decimate, if the word could speak for itself, might reasonably point out, that despite the clue being in the name, DECimate, this ancient and mighty word, has just become a synonym for annihilate, devastate, or obliterate.
Number Two: “Swingeing” and “Draconian,” their stories.
Already neglected words outside of the UK, “Swingeing” has now fallen upon hard times, as has “Draconian.” From the sixties, through to the mid-eighties, every British journalist, TV or print, couldn’t resist the allure of the word “swingeing”. Swingeing, together with his close friend “Draconian,” was on everyone’s lips.
“The Government,” they would inform us, “Has imposed draconian measures to ensure that their swingeing cuts are pushed through.” We were all lacerated by swingeing cuts and crushed under the weight of draconian measures back then and we loved it.
Even though we had austerity and covid lockdowns more recently, not much swingeing went on and precious little was draconian. Both words were perfect for the situation but sadly remained in obscurity.
Number Three: “Literally’s,” story.
Literally… Exactly as described, without exaggeration or distortion… That’s what this fine upstanding word used to mean. It was to be trusted, a word to be taken at its word, you might say. Now, after years of abuse, it has instead become a panderer to hyperbole and an enabler to overstatement.
“If I’m not home by eight, my dad will literally kill me.” If that’s the case, if you indeed have a homicidal father, should you be going home at all?
“I was literally blown away.” Odd, because I did not see a tornado warning on the local news?
“I am literally on top of the world right now.” Really? You are speaking to us live from the North Pole?
So, next time you are “literally decimated by the news!” Consider, if instead you might want to apply a swingeing cut to your word abuse. Otherwise, we shall campaign for draconian measures to curb your excesses.
Don’t take words for granted, or abuse and neglect will see the end of them and we shall all be forced to attempt to communicate in emojis, despite pictograms being abandoned in favour of actual words, thousands of years ago.
So, please join the campaign and help us in our vital work.
Here at SPANW, we take in as many words as we can. We tuck them up in blankets, on a bed of clean straw, before a roaring fire and feed them warm milk with an eyedropper for as long as it takes to nurse them back to health. Weary and marginalised, exhausted through overwork, corrupted and debased, or neglected and forgotten, we care for them all. Once they are back on their feet, we temporarily house them in old, worn, second hand dictionaries until they are strong enough to be released back into the wild.
We want to put a SPANW in the works. We demand equal rights for all words and we will lobby governments worldwide until we get it. Will you stand with us?
***
SPANW is a not-for-profit charitable organisation, which does not exist and is a figment of my imagination. Please do not send donations, eye droppers, or worn dictionaries to SPANW (or me). Thank you.
***
For those who have taken me “literally,” please don’t fill the comments box with admonishments regarding how words have always changed their usage over time and always will and how a word that has changed in that way is normalised and validated through common usage. Thank you in advance, I am aware of that and I was just having fun.
Not just those, superstar neglected words like “Scurryfunge,” (the last-minute scramble to get everything tidy before guests arrive). Not that perennial favourite abused word “Iconic,” (like an Icon, something flawless and worthy of veneration). “Iconic” is so overworked and exhausted, it has had to check into rehab. No, we all know about those words, they are the “Giant Pandas,” of the world of words. Here at SPANW we are asking you to spare a thought for those other hard-pressed words, the ones that don’t get all the attention.
Case Studies…
Number One: “Decimate’s,” story.
Poor “Decimate,” Decimate began life in ancient Rome and had a very specific and terrifying meaning. If a Roman legion should fall short of its expected standards, it might be punished by the drawing of lots and the execution of every tenth man as an example to the others.
Now, however, Journalists will invite you to look at a scene of devastation and inform you that a flood, or a landslide has “decimated” some town or village. What a very remarkable and selective landslide, what precision there is in nature, to kill every tenth person.
Decimate, if the word could speak for itself, might reasonably point out, that despite the clue being in the name, DECimate, this ancient and mighty word, has just become a synonym for annihilate, devastate, or obliterate.
Number Two: “Swingeing” and “Draconian,” their stories.
Already neglected words outside of the UK, “Swingeing” has now fallen upon hard times, as has “Draconian.” From the sixties, through to the mid-eighties, every British journalist, TV or print, couldn’t resist the allure of the word “swingeing”. Swingeing, together with his close friend “Draconian,” was on everyone’s lips.
“The Government,” they would inform us, “Has imposed draconian measures to ensure that their swingeing cuts are pushed through.” We were all lacerated by swingeing cuts and crushed under the weight of draconian measures back then and we loved it.
Even though we had austerity and covid lockdowns more recently, not much swingeing went on and precious little was draconian. Both words were perfect for the situation but sadly remained in obscurity.
Number Three: “Literally’s,” story.
Literally… Exactly as described, without exaggeration or distortion… That’s what this fine upstanding word used to mean. It was to be trusted, a word to be taken at its word, you might say. Now, after years of abuse, it has instead become a panderer to hyperbole and an enabler to overstatement.
“If I’m not home by eight, my dad will literally kill me.” If that’s the case, if you indeed have a homicidal father, should you be going home at all?
“I was literally blown away.” Odd, because I did not see a tornado warning on the local news?
“I am literally on top of the world right now.” Really? You are speaking to us live from the North Pole?
So, next time you are “literally decimated by the news!” Consider, if instead you might want to apply a swingeing cut to your word abuse. Otherwise, we shall campaign for draconian measures to curb your excesses.
Don’t take words for granted, or abuse and neglect will see the end of them and we shall all be forced to attempt to communicate in emojis, despite pictograms being abandoned in favour of actual words, thousands of years ago.
So, please join the campaign and help us in our vital work.
Here at SPANW, we take in as many words as we can. We tuck them up in blankets, on a bed of clean straw, before a roaring fire and feed them warm milk with an eyedropper for as long as it takes to nurse them back to health. Weary and marginalised, exhausted through overwork, corrupted and debased, or neglected and forgotten, we care for them all. Once they are back on their feet, we temporarily house them in old, worn, second hand dictionaries until they are strong enough to be released back into the wild.
We want to put a SPANW in the works. We demand equal rights for all words and we will lobby governments worldwide until we get it. Will you stand with us?
***
SPANW is a not-for-profit charitable organisation, which does not exist and is a figment of my imagination. Please do not send donations, eye droppers, or worn dictionaries to SPANW (or me). Thank you.
***
For those who have taken me “literally,” please don’t fill the comments box with admonishments regarding how words have always changed their usage over time and always will and how a word that has changed in that way is normalised and validated through common usage. Thank you in advance, I am aware of that and I was just having fun.
