Jordan Antonacci's Blog, page 73

“The Author” free book giveaway till 11/05

Hey there,

Hope everyone had a fun and safe Halloween!

“The Author” free book giveaway till 11/05

Hey there,

Hope everyone had a fun and safe Halloween!

“The Author” free book giveaway till 11/05

Hey there,

Hope everyone had a fun and safe Halloween!

“The Author” free book giveaway till 11/05

Hey there,

Hope everyone had a fun and safe Halloween!

“The Author” free book giveaway till 11/05

Hey there,

Hope everyone had a fun and safe Halloween!

Thinking About You.

“My eyes don’t shed tears, but boy they bawl when I’m thinking about you. I’ve been thinking about you. Do you think about me still?”

-Frank Ocean, Thinkin Bout You

Did you know the average woman finds “The One” at age 25 and guys at 28? In general, roughly half of people find their life partners in their twenties.

I hate that I read that, because now I feel like there’s a specific timeframe and ticking timer. Tick Tick…. Yikes!

What scares me more though, is the daunting possibility that I’ve already met “The One” but let her get away. I mean, I’m that kind of guy. A beautiful girl could walk right up to me wearing a brightly-colored shirt with the words “I’m the One” written on the front, and I wouldn’t even notice.

Me, I’m always a bit too lost in myself. Gotta do something about that.

But I wasn’t always like this. There was a moment in my life when I looked beyond myself, and what I saw was someone very special. I even watched long enough to see her go.

“Or do you not think so far ahead? Cause I’ve been thinking about forever…”

Thinkin ’bout you.

We had quite the relationship, didn’t we? A breathtaKing rollercoaster ride to say the least. There were never any words and there still aren’t. Maybe if the words insane, dreamy, goofy, freaky, and painful could all be morphed into one word, that’d be it.

Everything wAs so perfect in the beginning–so lively. If I remember hard enough, I can still feel the butterflies.

I remember our first date at the park. When it ended, you stepped in and kissed firsT because I was clearly too nervous and awkward.

I remember how comfortable we were together. We weren’t just boyfrIend-girlfriend…we were best friends. I haven’t been that comfortable in a relationship since you.

I remember your mother doing evErything she could to keep us apart, and how we’d sneak out at night and meet up, planning a future with 8 kids and a house on some tropical island.

I remember you were my first. How we’d spend the entirety of some days in bed. You can’t tell me you don’t miss that.

“Yes, of course I remember. How could I forget how you feel? You know you were my first time–a new feel. It won’t ever get old, not in my soul, not in my spirit, keep it alive. We’ll go down this road till it turns from color to black and white.”

–Frank Ocean

Then I remember it all coming to an end.

I’d be lying if I said I never think of you. Every so often, you’ll pop up in my dreams, and the feeling seems so real… Then I wake up. And I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss you.

From time to time I had delusional fantasies of restarting. Trying again. I even found the courage to look you up, only to find your page and see that you’d moved on–new guy and even a new little life. After swallowing the bitter pill, I knew it was for the best. It’s what you deserve.

“When some elements come together, they create a reaction that can’t be reversed. They transcend chemistry. …when some chemicals mix, they combust, and explode.”

-Dexter, Chemistry

But I do still hope you think of me too.

Persistence

Cristian Mihai

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “press on” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.” – Calvin Coolidge

They say it’s not how good you are, but how good you want to be.

They say it’s all about will power.

I agree.

When the world says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, “Try one more time.”

Hope. Man’s greatest strength and biggest weakness.

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Writers and Addictions

Love this post. Having experienced my own self-destructive trips down a road on a crash course, I can relate. I’m not quite sure of what the connection is between artists and an intense need for stimulation / something more, but something’s certainly there.

irevuo

“Coleridge was a drug addict. Poe was an alcoholic. Marlowe was killed by a man whom he was treacherously trying to stab. Pope took money to keep a woman’s name out of a satire, then wrote a piece so that she could still be recognized, anyhow. Chatterton killed himself. Byron was accused of incest. Do you still want to be a writer -and if so, why?” -Bennett Cerf

Some of the world’s most famous writers have been addicts, abusing almost anything, from coffee and alcohol to sex and drugs. They often wrote about their addictions, about the way the human conditions is degraded by them.

Here’s a short list of famous writers and their vices:

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I’m Sorry That I let You Down

Was on planes all morning on my way to see the fam in California yesterday. Had a bit of time for a post, and this is what came out.

I’m sorry I didn’t do so well in high school. I never gave it my all and most of the time I was a quitter. I should undoubtedly be further along in life, with a better job doing bigger things.

I’m sorry I quit football and backed out of that study abroad program last minute. That was the first time in my life I felt you were actually proud and I fucked it up.

I’m sorry I ran away when it was time for us to move. I know that was a stressful time for all of us and I never made things easier.

“It’s like we’re on the edge right now. I wish that I could say I’m proud. Im sorry that I let you down…”

-NF, Let you down

I’m sorry for all the fights. With everyone. I said some terrible things I can’t take back and they still eat me up inside on the daily.

I’m sorry for all the times I stole, all the times I lied. I’m sorry for all the calls from the school principal and all the times I got expelled. I’m sorry for the times I’ve been in handcuffs and for all the stupid councilor appointments. Through all my life, seeing you cry has by far been the worst moment. What made it even worse was because it was thanks to me.

“The few who could follow him might say his equations begin brilliantly but then decline—doomed by wishful thinking. No longer should increasing entropy mark the direction of time; Dr. Lecter wants increasing order to point the way.”

-Thomas Harris, Hannibal

I’m sorry I never called. It was all you wanted. A simple request that I kept putting off. I promise I was going to. But then one morning it was too late. I’d missed my chance. Cause there’s no phone to reach where you went.

Most of all, I’m sorry I’m not brave enough to say any of this to you—any of you.

Sorry’s not enough and is far from it. If I could go back in time and fix all of it, I would in a heartbeat. I’d give it all away to go back. But in the meantime, I’ll spend a lifetime trying to make up for it—though I know time can never truly be reversed.

I think about these things everyday and so much more. I wish I could go back, change who I was and be a better person. Maybe then so many memories wouldn’t be so tainted. Maybe then we could be closer. Maybe then I wouldn’t spend so much time stewing in guilt and feeling sorry for myself cause it’s really quite annoying.

But I can’t. All I can do now is pickup the scattered pieces, hoping the picture is somewhat recognizable when I put them back together.

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Are You Thinking About Quitting?

“If you had one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted…would you capture it, or just let it slip?”

-Eminem, Lose Yourself

Life is a lot. Almost too much. Sometimes it is.

You’ve got obligations and commitments, responsibilities and deadlines, to-do lists and chores… So much to do and nowhere near enough time in a day. Nowhere near enough time in a life.

On top of it all, you have these goals, these desires, these wishes. You have these dreams of a better life for you, your family, your future. But God those dreams can be hard to reach. It’s like the worst phone connection in the world. I keep calling and calling…but no matter how many times I dial that number, nobody wants to pick up. Makes me feel like I’m lost in the middle of nowhere.

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& when life builds up and gets so, so heavy, sometimes I just feel like giving in and letting myself be crushed.

When the storms turn into floods, and I’m doing everything just to keep my nose above the surface, sometimes I want to just stop swimming and let myself sink to the bottom.

& even when I’m so hungry for my dreams, sometimes I’d rather just starve.

Can I tell you a secret?

Sometimes…for a slivered moment…I do quit. “Fuck it,” I say, tossing my pad and pen onto the desk and walking away. But it’s never more than a few minutes before I find myself right back in that chair, pen in hand, scribbling away like a mad scientist into the late night.

I can’t turn away, because I realize how empty I feel without this. This is all I have.

You take away my lifetime dreams and my daily goals, and I don’t have much left. Those two things right there are my only friends–the only two things that are always there no matter what.

“Sometimes I just feel like quitting; I still might. Why do I put up this fight? Why do I still write? Sometimes it’s hard enough just dealing with real life.”

-Eminem, 8 mile road

Whenever you feel like quitting, just take a step away from whatever it is you’re doing. Maybe you’re burnt out. Take a break and do something to relax. While you’re doing that, remember what it was that put you on the path toward your dreams in the first place. Then look forward. Envision where it is you’re trying to go, and try to imagine that you’ve already made it…

You feel that? That profound and euphoric sense of success and accomplishment that makes you wanna pop a champagne bottle?

Good. Remember that feeling. Remember it when you feel like quitting. And always remember why you started.

“Success is my only motherf*cking option–failure’s not.”

Kindle edition of The Author goes live this Thursday, October 25th. Print edition is readily available.

Thanks to everyone who’s purchased a copy thus far. Much love.

To find a review of my book by reviewer Cristian Mihai, click HERE