Jessica Wildfire's Blog, page 444

True confessions of Santa

Guess who’s coming to town, dipshits? That’s right, Santa. I’ve been watching you all year long, checking your browser history, looking at…

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No, all good! Just find someone who can fit.

No, all good! Just find someone who can fit.

Yeah, just relax!

Yeah, just relax! Enjoy being single until you come across someone worth putting yourself out there for. :D

How many candy canes sharpened into shivs by sucking on them?

How many candy canes sharpened into shivs by sucking on them?

Well put, and I agree.

Well put, and I agree. Sad as it sounds, I feel completely powerless to change the discourse on guns. The conversations that matter aren’t happening on social media. The people who make gun laws know many of us are outraged. Expressing it again simply does no good.

May your fingers remain loose and un-cramped, your coffee pot never empty!

May your fingers remain loose and un-cramped, your coffee pot never empty!

Yeah, you nailed it! I’m definitely not an elliptical bunny…

Yeah, you nailed it! I’m definitely not an elliptical bunny…

Reminds me of the time I paid $15 for a drink at a hotel and thought to myself, “What was I…

Reminds me of the time I paid $15 for a drink at a hotel and thought to myself, “What was I supposed to do, order the house liquor? Gross.”

Is She Really Out of Your League?

Even after you’ve started dating someone, that little demon pops up on your shoulder and asks the bitchiest questions. Is she out of your…

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Sounds like you made the right choice!

Sounds like you made the right choice! I abandoned my plans to become a novelist, then became a teacher, and now I’m teaching and writing satire for good money. Go where life takes you. No need to cling to your old self, or the past. It will hang around. Trust me. ;)