Jessica Wildfire's Blog, page 438

So much wisdom and insight in this essay. Thanks for writing!

So much wisdom and insight in this essay. Thanks for writing!

Oh, but it is.

Oh, but it is. This is what I actually think. I tend to tag almost everything I write as satire because it has a biting tone.

What makes me an atheist? I think the main thing is I don’t care if God exists, or who’s actually “right.” It’s pointless to debate.

Yeah, that’s been true in my experience too.

Yeah, that’s been true in my experience too. The first thing people assume is I’m angry at God. I’m not angry. It’s more like I simply don’t care whether he exists or not. History has proven that it makes zero difference to the choices a person makes.

Yeah, that’s one of the sillier things they complain about. ;)

Yeah, that’s one of the sillier things they complain about. ;)

Makes sense to me.

Makes sense to me. We always have to make a “beginning,” because our minds can’t quite grasp something as always having existed.

As a fellow coffee lover and Keurig owner, I highly approve of this piece.

As a fellow coffee lover and Keurig owner, I highly approve of this piece. My “stand” is only buying recyclable K-cups — which makes me feel slightly less guilty.

You don’t have to hate atheists

Atheists talk about themselves all the time. They’re worse than satanists. At least satanists believe in something. Atheists have no moral code. Atheists shouldn’t be considered Americans because we’re “one nation under God.” Yeah, thanks for all that.

I’m what you might call a quasi-closeted atheist. My spouse knows, and some of my close friends do. But most people have no idea. None of my family or in-laws suspect a thing, and I plan to keep it that way. Why? I’d like to hang on to my job, and not wake up one morning in a ditch.

Atheists enjoy one major advantage over other persecuted religious minorities. We can hide easily.

Atheism doesn’t have a skin color. Or a dress code. No religion does, technically. But the alt-right brigade stereotypes the hell out of everyone else. Atheists? You can’t profile us in the same way. Almost everyone assumes I’m Christian because I’m white and agreeable most of the time.

That comes with its own small price. Every week I’ve got to listen to my coworkers go on about church and God and choir at length. The media wants you to think professors are a bunch of godless perverts. That’s the whole reason I became one, but it’s been a sore disappointment.

I’m teaching at a liberal university, and I’m still the only godless pervert I know. Sad. I should’ve gone into porn.

Still, I never talk about my “beliefs,” because telling someone you’re an atheist is considered rude and aggressive. Even in the halls of academia. The average Christian can talk about their religion out in the open, all the time. Doesn’t matter how uncomfortable it makes me feel. As an atheist, I just have to deal with everyone else’s religious freedom.

Evangelicals come to my campus every semester. Some of them show up with megaphones and call our faculty sluts and whores. They accuse our female students of tempting young men with their yoga pants. They announce that half of our college students visit PornHub everyday, and they’ll go to Hell for jerking off. Others just want to pass out Bibles.

Our campus police remain on hand every single time, to protect their freedom of expression. For some reason, religious groups like to hold their demonstrations outside the English building. Maybe we seem most at risk to them. Anyway, last time one of our university’s finest tried to stop me from walking to my class, because I looked suspicious — like I might try to disrupt the spectacle in progress. He held up his hand and asked me where I was going. When I gently explained to him I was a professor, he asked me to show my ID. Imagine if I hadn’t.

Fox News and Jeff Sessions want me to believe religious values are under attack on college campuses.

From where I’m standing, that stinks of horse shit.

Of course, I’ve learned that you can jerk off in front of computer screens every night. You can stare at women in yoga pants. You can harass them. You can do all kinds of shit things to people as long as you repent.

What do I believe as an atheist? I believe you should just not do those things in the first place, and then not beg some fictional being for forgiveness afterward. Somehow that makes me a bad person.

Vocal Christians don’t want a level playing field. They want a monopoly. Even in grad school, my friends would talk about church and Bible study openly. Some of them asked me about my faith. When I told them I was an atheist, some rolled their eyes and others made faces.

Even the most open-minded religious people would just say, “That’s cool” and change the subject. That’s really the best I can hope for.

I’ve dealt with that kind of reaction since high school. My cross country coach gave religious speeches before every race. He recommended churches to me. He talked about the importance of faith. My friends invited me to church one minute, and equated atheists with pedophiles the next. They could ask me if I believed in God, and I wasn’t allowed to speak my mind. I always just had to say yes, and endure their leery side eye. Better to be thought an atheist than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

People think atheists believe in nothing. But I have plenty of beliefs. I believe you get one shot to live a meaningful life, and that you shouldn’t waste it on hate, reckless hedonism, or unchecked greed. I believe it doesn’t matter what book you pick as your faith. They all make more or less the same points, and they also give equally bad advice. I believe you should leave people and places better off than you found them. Finally, I believe prayers aren’t enough. You make the world better through action.

Good point. I’d better start working on my acceptance speech.

Good point. I’d better start working on my acceptance speech.

I’d rather Moore win a Darwin award than something else.

I’d rather Moore win a Darwin award than something else.

Now that you mention it, we did hear someone squealing like a pig.

Now that you mention it, we did hear someone squealing like a pig. We thought it was just a campers’ party.