Scott Perry's Blog, page 35

Why I run at the Cemetery

I felt a slight tug as the passenger-side mirror of the blue Subaru brushed against the fabric of my running shirt.

It didn’t register right away. I remember looking up and seeing a “Love Your Mother” sticker with an illustration of the earth on the car’s bumper and the driver’s outstretched hand waving. I waved back. That’s what you do in a small town here in rural southwestern Virginia.

A loud honk startled me. Another car was trying to turn right onto the road where I stood midway through the crosswalk. Jolted out of my mystified state, I waved at that car and finished jogging across the intersection.

That’s when it hit me. I’d just come within a few inches of being hit by a car on my daily run.

I was shaking uncontrollably. The adrenalin kicked in as my mind wrapped itself around what had just happened. Cautiously I recrossed the street and walked back home to gather myself.

The irony was too obvious to ignore. Just a few days after we’d sold our farm, I nearly bought the farm.

I began my daily running ritual when we lived on our farm at the end of a long, lonely dirt road. Overweight and approaching age 50, I was determined to do something to regain control of my health. A daily one-mile walk increased to a five-mile run over several months. I lost 75 pounds.

To maintain my routine after we moved to town, I mapped out a five-mile run from our new house to the town cemetery and back. Since it’s the law to yield to pedestrians at crosswalks within town limits and the rest of the run was on sidewalks, I assumed my route was safe. But the close call I’d just experienced revealed this wasn’t the case.

I couldn’t imagine not getting my daily run in. Not only was it part of my identity, but my life was busy and stressful. My running ritual wasn’t just about exercising my body and keeping my weight down. It cleared my head and helped me maintain my sanity.

What to do?

By the time I got home, I’d decided. If I didn’t want to end up in the graveyard, I’d have to drive to it to get my daily exercise.

The next day I rose with the sun. I slipped into my running shorts and shoes, got in the car, and drove to the cemetery.

My run through town had brought me to this place where I promptly turned around to run back home. Entering the grounds for the first time, I was struck by how much of the Blue Ridge Mountains that run through our county were visible. The way that the Saddle, Panther Knob, and other ridges poked through the dissipating fog was quite stunning.

And the acreage itself was beautifully landscaped with fruit trees, flower patches, and secluded sitting areas. Beyond the tombstones lay fields and farms. Through the mist, I spotted a deer family at the far end of the grounds and heard cows lowing in the distance.

I stretched and started my first loop around the path that encircled the graveyard. My attention turned from the beauty of nature to the gravestones that dotted the lawn all around me. The words of Marcus Aurelius popped into my head.

“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what’s left and live it properly.”

My run is no longer a public jog through town dodging traffic. It’s a solitary, safe trot around a final resting place. My daily cemetery run reminds me that living fully and well requires embracing memento mori, “remember you die.”

Scott Perry, Difference-Maker Coach at Creative on Purpose.

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Ineffable

Ineffable is a delightfully delicious word. It comes directly from the Latin and has two distinct and contradictory meanings.

The primary definition of ineffable relates to that which cannot be adequately defined with mere words. This interpretation is often used in reference to the divine—for instance, the indescribable joys of heaven or ineffable beauty of nature.

The secondary definition of ineffable relates to that which should not be named. In other words, something that is too sacred to be defined. For instance, in the Abrahamic tradition, Jehovah is the “ineffable name” of the Supreme Being, which was not pronounced.

Interestingly, when trousers emerged in Europe in the 1590s, “ineffables” was a popular and jocular euphemism for naming them. Evidently, this was because they were too profane to mention by name.

Interesting, but what does this have to do with difference-making?

Well, first of all. Let’s toss aside the use of ineffable to describe the too holy or too profane. Let’s focus on the primary definition of ineffable as it applies to difference-making–a difference so profound and beautiful that it defies language.

What if you strove to make a difference like that? One that could not adequately be defined by a name or a tagline? What if the impact you sought was so magnificent that it was indescribable?

If you couldn’t satisfactorily speak about the difference only you can make, would you be living it and engaging in the real work required more thoughtfully, deliberately, and often?

Scott Perry, Difference-Maker Coach at Creative on Purpose.

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Where does trust come from?

I've shared thoughts on what trust is and how to restore it, but where does trust come from?

Human beings are hardwired by biology and evolution to be social creatures. We seek safety and identity through belonging and community. How can you have any of this without trust?

The minute we exit the womb, our ability to survive and thrive is based on trust. We depend on others to care for and keep us throughout childhood. Trust is one of our earliest experiences.

And yet, over time, we learn that not everyone is trustworthy, including ourselves. What to do? Our tempered trust requires that we search for it both internally and externally, and we do this with and for others who are doing the exact same. It sounds challenging because it is challenging?

When we are cultivating trust, which comes first, trusting others or trusting ourselves. The truth is, I don't know. It's a chicken and egg question without a clear answer.

However, it seems to me that developing and encouraging trust in others and ourselves is a virtuous cycle, a process that also requires trust. It seems to me that most of the time, we're engaged in the trust-building process unconsciously and that we can expedite it through conscious, intentional action.

Here are some ideas to help you earn trust in yourself and others.

Know Thyself - What are your values? What's the vision your working toward?
Send Clear Signals - Let others know who you are and what difference you seek to make.
Be Curious - Almost all certainty is false. Approach yourself, others, and the world with wonder and consideration.
Take Small Steps Into Possibility - A daily discipline of measured action pays long-term dividends.
Ignore Sunk Costs - When it's time to quit, quit.
Be Compassionate - seek to see, understand, and serve yourself and others.
Don't Take Yourself (or Anything Else) Too D*mn Seriously - Seriously, don't. A little playfulness enhances any process.

I'm sure many other ingredients can be tossed in this trust-building stew, but these are a place to start. What action will you take to cultivate trust, internally and externally, today? Why not start right now?

Scott Perry, Difference-Maker Coach at Creative on Purpose.

BTW, I share more reflections on trust here.

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.

Bernadette Jiwa - Telling Better Stories

Insight and inspiration for flying higher in the difference only you can make from guests who have appeared on Creative on Purpose Live.

This week's wisdom comes from bestselling author and creator of the Story Skills Workshop, Bernadette Jiwa.

[Scott] "Tell us just a couple of ideas or takeaways or tools that you've crafted that will help people get in touch with their storytelling nature but also lean into trying to develop themselves as storytellers."

[Bernadette] "Well, I think the simplest one is to describe what a story is.

And so we've helped people in the workshop to understand that a story is a person or a character in a situation faced with a choice. And then what they do in that situation faced with those choices helps them to learn something about themselves or the world or changes their worldview.

So, if you think about Toy Story or any of the Pixar movies, they're the best examples of stories of a character in a situation faced with a choice and, that's us. We are everyday characters in a situation faced with choices. And what we do in those situations tells us something about ourselves.

So, stories also have a beginning, a middle, and end. And something particular happens at the beginning and in the middle and at the end of the story.

So, in the workshop we've been helping people to understand that at the start of the story you need to engage the audience, in the middle you need to show the challenge, and by the end of the story you need to show some kind of change that's happened and that all of those events are interconnected."

How can you employ these elements of storytelling to help you connect more deeply with the right people and influence the difference you seek to make?

Scott Perry, Difference-Maker Coach at Creative on Purpose.

(BTW, you can watch this and every other entire interview in the Creative on Purpose Broadcast Archive. To learn more and access for free, click here.)

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.

The Truth as It Is Told

During my career as a blues guitarist, I experienced the privilege of meeting many of my musical heroes. It happened with enough frequency that some of my musician friends call me the Forrest Gump of the blues.

I think they mean that good-naturedly...

Anyway, during a festival appearance in the 1980s, I found myself in a green room with Johnny Shines and Robert Jr. Lockwood. Johnny had run around with Robert Johnson back in the day, and Robert Jr. collided with Johnson while the legendary guitarist was running around with his mother.

I'd met Lockwood years earlier and knew he could be prickly. Johnny had a friendlier reputation. Eager to make a good impression and hear reminiscences from both of these icons, I did not make the mistake I saw most others make.

Most fans only asked these legends about their more famous friend, Robert Johnson. While we chatted, I never brought up Johnson. I expressed interest in their lives.

And the stories Shines and Lockwood shared were mesmerizing–tales filled with humor and pain, mystery and mischief. Most made the legend of Johnson trading his soul for his guitar skills sound tame by comparison.

Years later, I found myself in a green room with another bluesman, Honeyboy Edwards. Honeyboy had also spent significant time with Robert Johnson. As we chatted, I shared some of the stories Shines and Lockwood shared with me years earlier.

After relating a few of these, I noticed Honeyboy chuckling softly under his breath. I began to wonder if I'd been on the receiving end of a good old-fashioned leg-pulling. I asked, "So, do you think the stories they told are true?" "Oh, I'm not sure one way or the other," Honeyboy replied with a wink. "But it sure sounds like it was the truth as it was told."

In that moment, I realized that the absolute veracity of the stories I'd been gifted was irrelevant. These tales were undoubtedly true enough, and the telling had resonated and stuck. The truth of most stories worth sharing lies beyond historical facts.

As a difference-maker, it's equally important to speak past the details of your origin story or the features and benefits of the transformation you offer. Genuine connection and creating the possibility to make a change worth making put the point of your account ahead of the absolute accuracy of all the details.

This isn't a pass for self-promotional advancement or profit-scaling through falsehoods. It's a reminder that when your intentions are helpful and sound, you don't have to let exactitude get in the way of a generous story that will help the right people lean in to learn more about you and your endeavor.

What story are you sharing today? How can you make it even more true by paying less attention to the exactness of every detail and more emphasis of the worthwhile promise on offer?

Scott Perry, Difference-Maker Coach at Creative on Purpose.

BTW, I share more reflections on trust here.

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.

Rhetorically Speaking

In the ancient western world, the art of persuasion and influence was taught through rhetoric and was most often employed in political discourse and philosophical debate. Today we still see rhetoric used in marketing and mass media.

The ancient Greek philosopher, Aristotle, developed three types of rhetorical appeals:

Logos - appealing through facts and stats
Ethos - appealing through the character and credibility of the speaker
Pathos - appealing through emotion and empathy

As change agents, thinking about the rules of ancient rhetoric can help you become better storytellers. Rhetoric can inform and inspire more effective messages that connect the right people with your cause. 

While rhetoric and storytelling share the goal of influencing change, the approaches of each are very different. Where rhetoric is intellectual and instructional, storytelling is inquiring and invitational. Rhetoric tells and stories show.

But what happens if we incorporate both approaches? What would that look like?

Storytelling that weaves in rhetorical tools is like a stool with logic, character, and emotion as the three legs. Rely only on one or two of these, and the stool will fall over, and your story will fall short. Relying too much on anyone over the others, the stool, and your story will be wobbly.

For instance, relying exclusively on the features and benefits (logos) of your offer makes it too easy to compare to alternatives that cost less time, money, or energy. Leaning too much on your status (ethos) can also lead to unhelpful comparisons or backfire if things don't unfold as planned and hurt your reputation. Leveraging strong emotional response (pathos) lends itself too easily to manipulation.

Instead, what happens if you rely on sound reasoning and thoughtful examples (logic), prove yourself trustworthy and values-driven (ethos), and create healthy emotional tension (ethos) that leads to worthwhile action? How might that make your story more compelling and convincing?

Scott Perry, Difference-Maker Coach at Creative on Purpose.

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.

Martha Beck - One Degree Turns

Insight and inspiration for flying higher in the difference only you can make from guests who have appeared on Creative on Purpose Live.

Martha Beck, Author of the Way of Integrity, on the Power of One Degree Turns

"So, what I would say is, take some time today, and tomorrow, and the day after that, to sit by yourself and notice how you actually feel. And if you feel bad, think, 'What could I do to make myself feel a little better?' And if you feel good, ask yourself, 'What could I do to make myself feel a little better?'

This will begin to slowly return you to yourself. I call it a 'one degree turn.'

Back to the airplane metaphor, if you turn an airplane one degree north every half-hour, you won't even notice the change, but you'll end up in a really different place.

So, one degree toward integrity every day, toward your real self, and you can fly anywhere."

Where are you now? Where do you wish to be? What one-degree turn can you take today, and tomorrow, and each day thereafter to help nudge you in that direction?

Scott Perry, Difference-Maker Coach at Creative on Purpose.

(BTW, you can watch the entire conversation and many more in the Creative on Purpose Broadcast Archive. To learn more and access for free, click here.)

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.

Restoring Trust

It's said that trust takes years to earn but can be lost in an instant. Frankly, that doesn't ring absolutely true to me. I'm not sure a healthy definition of trust is that fragile.

And yet...

I've been on the receiving and delivering end of broken trust. I've experienced the suffering that can come from either side firsthand and with some frequency.

When trust is broken, it can break us. We can become bitter, depressed, or filled with despair. If you have been in an intimate relationship, you have experienced this.

But it's also possible to reframe a violation of trust as an opportunity to be broken open–a chance to embrace the folly of overinvestment in something profoundly fraught.

Human beings are fascinating and fickle. This is true of me and true of you.

Yes, broken trust can break us. But if we work through the initial pain and suffering and surrender to being broken open, we can also nurture grace, resilience, and redemption. Our grief will subside, and we can become more compassionate toward others and ourselves.

Trust is a story. Choose your story, choose your future. When trust is broken, what story do you want to embrace?

Scott Perry, Difference-Maker Coach at Creative on Purpose.

BTW, I share more reflections on trust here.

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.

Born Ready

Beginning any journey worth embracing is often met, at first, with some amount of trepidation. After all, human beings are pre-programmed to be wary of uncertainty.

And...

We are also hardwired for adventure.

For almost twenty years, I served my community guiding musical pilgrimages at my guitar studio. For me, this work went beyond teaching chords and songs. Music-making is a gift that is meant to be shared. My students performed publicly several times a year, regardless of age or skill level.

Learning any instrument is both fraught and fun. To lean through the former and into the latter, my students and I practiced a ritualistic response to the question, "Are you ready?" The one and only answer allowed in the studio or on stage was, "Born ready!"

I began every lesson with a quick explanation of what we'd cover that day and then ask my student, "Are you ready?" They'd respond, "Born ready," and we'd begin. In public performance, after my student introduced themselves and the song they were sharing, I'd ask, "Are you ready?" After replying "Born ready," we'd count ourselves in with "A one, and a two, and a you know what to do," and launch into our song.

Difference-makers like you and I can benefit a great deal from developing a predisposition to leaning into an endeavor that might not work with playfulness and boldness. A posture of acting "as if" helps anyone step into possibilities worth exploring half a shade braver and a bit more curious.

How are you exploring the edges of your understanding and ability today? Are you ready?

Scott Perry, Difference-Maker Coach at Creative on Purpose.

(BTW, if you'd like to read more life lessons learned from the stage, find them here.)

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.

Got trust?

What is trust?

For me, the dictionary definition falls short. Yes, trust is having confidence in the character, strength, or truth of someone or something. However, this does not speak to the enormous importance and value of this essential asset.

Or is trust a skill?

I think trust is both. It's a skill we earn confidence in through practice, and practicing trust cultivates the value of our trust asset. However, this all begs the question, where does trust lie?  It appears to be less a destination and more a journey.

We're all familiar with the advice to "trust the process." But how do we know if a process is trustworthy? Maybe we blindly trust, and it works out. But as inherently social creatures, we more often look for people like ourselves doing what we want to do too.

But what's trust for?

Trust is the grease and fuel for all worthwhile human endeavor. Meaningful change for the better, internal or external, is rarely done on one's own. Worthy aims are achieved through shared values and collaborative effort. The required commitment, connection, and compassion create and hold space for trust to emerge.

And not just trust in the process and each other. Trusting yourself is the real work.

How can you possibly truly trust a process or another if you first don't trust yourself? Trusting yourself is an exploration of your own worthiness. This exploration requires embracing vulnerability and engaging the volition to live out loud and in public. 

Can we trust you? The answer lies within a more beautiful question. Do you trust yourself?

Scott Perry, Difference-Maker Coach at Creative on Purpose.

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.