Scott Perry's Blog, page 32

If you're gonna work for a jerk...

“If you’re going to work for a jerk, you might as well work for yourself….”

This is the story I told myself when I made the bold leap from working for someone else to working for myself almost thirty years ago. Are you a freelancer? How did you enter the adventure of working for yourself?

Freelancers get paid by the client or by the project. The math is pretty straightforward. No gig? No paycheck. It’s an approach to making a living that’s equal parts exhaustion and exhilaration.

Freelancers often work on their own. Working all day with our inner critic running amok, spinning cycles of doubt and fear conspires against our health and happiness. Often urgency, expediency, or both causes freelancers like us to settle for clients or fees that don’t measure up to our abilities or expertise.

I’ve been a freelancer for 30 years while maintaining a flourishing marriage and a rewarding family life. And I work with and for people who inspire me and are making things better.
But my freelancing adventures haven’t always been this wonderful. There were years of heeding the imposter bossing me around, telling me I was lucky to get to settle for the crappy gigs with cranky clients for starvation wages I landed.

What was the secret to turning things around? It really came down to two simple decisions that were not easy to stick with.
The first was to stop acting like the worst boss ever toward myself. I set boundaries around when I’m working and when I’m not working. I built down-time into every day for rest and self-care. I slowed way down and smoothed things out.
Then I got specific about what I do and who I do it with and for. I raised my fees and rigorously vet every prospect. I embraced the value of saying “No thanks” and began saying it much more often.

The result? A new level of clarity which led to boosted wellbeing and better clients.

Whether you make a living at it or not, we’re all freelancers when it comes to choosing what kind of boss we want to be toward ourselves and deciding what we do, how we do it, and whom we choose to do it.

Are you being the best boss you can be toward yourself today?

Scott Perry, Chief Difference-Maker at Creative on Purpose.

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Evan Harrel - Give compassion a try.

Insight and inspiration for flying higher in the difference only you can make from guests who have appeared on Creative on Purpose Live.

This week's wisdom comes from Evan Harrel, co-founder of the Center for Compassionate Leadership. Tune into the entire conversation here.

[Evan] I would say that, and it ties into something you already said, this [compassion] is innate to all of us.

We see in children younger than two years of age, acts of compassion towards other children and towards adults. We've had this capacity from the very beginning. It can be trained. It can be developed.

And in fact, early epigenetic studies suggest that we can even affect ourselves not just on the neurological level through compassion practices but on the genetic level through compassion practices to become more compassionate.

This is what the world needs today. It is not an exaggeration to say we face an existential threat and compassion, I believe, is the answer. And I would encourage anyone who has even the slightest hint of wanting to pursue it, to go for it.

Evan just shared a perspective on compassion that is easily understood and executed. How are you living into compassion today?

Scott Perry, Chief Difference-Maker at Creative on Purpose.

(BTW, you can watch this and every other entire interview in the Creative on Purpose Broadcast Archive. To learn more and access for free, click here.)

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.

"Thank you for sharing your perspective."

Let's be clear. Feedback is important.

If you're going to get better at making a bigger difference, you must seek and reflect on the insights and questions shared by learned and trusted friends and fellow travelers.
But not all feedback is created equal, and all too often, the volunteered comments of acquaintances or strangers are neither on point nor helpful.

If you're doing work that matters out loud and in public, you're going to receive unwelcome and unhelpful reactions and responses from well-intended critics, know-it-alls, and self-selected "experts." What to do?

Thank them.

Most people who volunteer comments on other's efforts think they're being helpful and generous. Almost no one wakes up thinking, "Gee, I hope I can cause someone distress and harm today by sharing unwelcome thoughtless and myopic advise."

Regardless of its motive or utility, recognizing someone else's opinion keeps it at arm's length. You can hold it out, turn it over, and examine its intent and value and then decide if there's a there worth considering.

Acknowledgment is not the same as endorsement. It's simply a way of accepting what is without giving it the power to take over your inner dialogue. You can allow an opinion without ceding to strong emotional reactions and unhealthy value judgments about the comments, its source, your work, or yourself.

"Thank you for sharing your perspective" is a phrase I keep top of mind and close at hand for the daily drip of commentary that flows my way. What's your strategy for navigating the inevitable slings and arrows of outrageous and unsolicited response to the difference only you can make?

Scott Perry, Chief Difference-Maker at Creative on Purpose.

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.

Beyond Destiny

I believe in destiny.

I'm not alone. Several philosophical and spiritual disciplines argue that personal, interpersonal, and extrapersonal events unfold as they are meant. Many quantum physicists concur that the cosmos and everything in it are ruled by determinism.

An implication of this thinking is that Fate, what you or I experience at any given moment, is inevitable. So what of choice and free will? If Fate is just a present experience of destiny, what's the point of reflecting on or doing anything with it?

For me, it comes down to your relationship with uncertainty and agency. You can sit inert and abdicate your ability to act and simply watch the game play out. Or you can choose to embrace the unknown, engage your authority over your thoughts and actions, and play an active role in the game.

Whether life happens to you or through you is up to you.

Destiny may unfold as a sequence of fated moments, but we cannot know how those moments will reveal themselves. You can choose to play a role in the game. You can determine how to respond to each moment. Forging meaning and building identity moment to moment is a decision each of us gets to make if we trust ourselves to choose.

If we think of life as a game of cards, destiny deals the hand, but you decide how to play it. You can fold, call, raise, or go all in. How are you playing the hand you've been dealt today?

Scott Perry, Chief Difference-Maker at Creative on Purpose.

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.

Chris Gill - Redefining Legacy

Insight and inspiration for flying higher in the difference only you can make from guests who have appeared on Creative on Purpose Live.

This week's wisdom comes from Christopher Gil, Emeritus Professor of Ancient Thought at Exeter University. Tune into the entire conversation here.

[SCOTT] What's the significance of legacy, if any.

[CHRIS] Well, I think... Well again, perhaps I can refer to Marcus on this, to Marcus Aurelius. Because he wonderfully brings together the sense that, in a sense, we all live now. We all have to live now, at this very moment of time.

And it is by living now, and by doing all we can now, by trying to live up to our the best selves we can now, that we can also confront, really, our mortality. Because that's the best way to... We have... Death occurs, of course, it will come. But the best way to confront it is not to dwell on it but to live life as fully and well as you can.

And that's also the best legacy that you can leave. Because the most effect you have on people really is by who you are. It's not exactly what you do, it's what you are.

And if you can share that in a way then that's really the most you can do. Though it isn't anything extra. It's just trying to live well.

That's what matters.

[SCOTT]I think that is a profound point, and at the half-hour mark, I think that that is the point at which we'll leave things.

Chris just shared a perspective on legacy that dissociates it from the future and places it firmly in your lap in the here and now. How are you living your legacy today?

Scott Perry, Chief Difference-Maker at Creative on Purpose.

(BTW, you can watch this and every other entire interview in the Creative on Purpose Broadcast Archive. To learn more and access for free, click here.)

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.

The Downside of Positive Thinking

We can probably agree that negative self-talk does not serve our efforts to improve ourselves or improve our well-being. My guess is that fewer of us would agree that positive thinking can have the same unhelpful effect.

That's okay. I'm not sharing these reflections for agreement. I'm searching for and sharing insight based on my experience, learning, and perspective. Your mileage may vary.

Here's the situation as I see it. Negative self-talk is, by definition, laden with value judgments about how you measure up, or rather don't measure up, to expectations and desired outcomes. It often leads to your imposter and inner critic unleashing a barrage of value judgments that impugn your intelligence or ability.

Here's the thing, positive self-talk is the flipside of the same coin. There are value judgments associated with positive thinking. To say something is good implicitly implies the inverse is bad.

Whether I say "I'm an idiot," or "I suck," or "I'm smart," or "I'm awesome," my focus is on results and not effort. I'm tying my identity and happiness to outcomes beyond my control instead of actions within my control.

Positive thinking may not be as harmful as negative thinking, but why not avoid judging yourself altogether? Why not frame a result simply as it objectively is? You can then treat an undesired outcome as an interesting problem you can solve rather than a reflection of your character and worthiness. You can become a little less critical and a bit more curious and start working on the problem instead of letting it work on you.

What if, just for today, instead of negative or positive thinking, you look at your situation or results without judging them? What if, instead, you looked at them and said, "Isn't that interesting...?" What happens if you frame a challenge as a problem to solve rather than a statement about yourself or your abilities?

Scott Perry, Chief Difference-Maker at Creative on Purpose.

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.

What is the difference you can't stop making?

About ten years into my career as a full-time professional musician, I decided I'd had enough. Playing out 300 days a year, crappy meals, crappier lodging, cranky bandmates, fickle audiences, and slippery venue owners had me feeling burned out and over it.

I announced my decision to quit music and get a real job to my wife as I slid my guitar cases under the bed. Her response? "You'll be back on stage somewhere in two weeks or less."

A week later, I was back on the phone, booking gigs and back on stage. Turns out my wife was right. All I needed was a vocation vacation.

By definition, vocation is the work you're called to do. In my experience, it's the work you can't stop doing.

But there's a fine line separating vocation from obsession. I'm grateful for having the sense to pause and reflect. I was refreshed, recommitted, and ready to level up my career when I returned to music-making.

I took another vocation vacation later in my music career, which ended up helping me find a new calling. Actually, it was a return to my original vocation of teaching. I opened a guitar studio. For more than fifteen years, I launched and guided hundreds of music-making adventures.

Recently, another vocation vacation led me to retire from music performance and teaching and move into writing and coaching. Vocation vacations are funny things and can lead to surprising and delightful new adventures.

I'm grateful for the ability to see and heed each calling as it revealed itself. I have even more appreciation for my family and the many mentors who helped me recognize each opportunity and supported my efforts to embrace them. The greatest gratitude is that I enjoy the rare privilege of making a living doing what I love to do.

Vocations can be elusive. Calling can come from within or without and is often difficult to hear or translate. Have you found yours? What's the thing that you just can't not do?

(If you find identifying your vocation (AKA the difference only you can make), elusive. The Creative on Purpose Handbook provides a simple 3-step process for starting to dial it in.)

Scott Perry, Chief Difference-Maker at Creative on Purpose.

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.

Natalie Nixon - Be a clumsy student of something.

Insight and inspiration for flying higher in the difference only you can make from guests who have appeared on Creative on Purpose Live.

[Natlie] You know it comes down to a phrase I like to use a lot, which I'm getting feedback
from people that they that it resonates with them, which is to be a clumsy
student of something. 

And that involves practicing what I call the baby food method of unpacking things, reverse engineering, deconstructing it, and taking the incremental steps. I think when we are a student of something it's also about what you've been saying in our conversation, which is living things out loud, airing it out, oxygenating it. It's showing the work in progress.

There is this real stranglehold that a lot of us have. I have struggled with it myself, which is.... And my husband would always be counseling me when he would see me get to those moments of hesitation and struggle, where he would remind me, "Don't let perfection be the enemy of good." Right?

We need someone in our corner reminding us of that so that we bravely step out on stage, or on the corner, or on a zoom video, and share, "This is something I've been working on, this is something I've been thinking about." Because if you work on it in isolation only you're not actually doing the idea service. Right?

You have to air it out, you have to get feedback incorporated. So I would say be
a clumsy student in something, and I'm a clumsy student of the tango and foxtrot and right now.

Natalie just shared a great way to return us to the wonder and rigor of beginner's mind. Where are you being a clumsy student today?

Scott Perry, Chief Difference-Maker at Creative on Purpose.

(BTW, you can watch this and every other entire interview in the Creative on Purpose Broadcast Archive. To learn more and access for free, click here.)

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.

Heeding the Call

What is vocation?

Vocation is derived from the Latin verb vocare, which means "to call." The question then arises, if vocation is a calling, where does it come from?

I spent my early working life looking for my vocation externally. I thought that being a school teacher would give my life meaning and purpose, only to find it left me frustrated and unfulfilled. I tried a lot of things after that and got similar results.

It wasn't until I listened to the wee small inner voice whispering my aspiration to become a musician that I stepped into an identity that felt like it fit. Music-making and teaching also helped provide a filter for making sense of the world and myself.

Despite a long, happy, and successful career playing for a living, I found myself called away from that vocation to another. I now build identity and forge meaning through writing and coaching. My life is enhanced by helping others find and refine their calling, and it feels equally right.

So, does vocation come from the inside out or the outside in? The correct answer is for me is "Yes," based on my experience. I'm less sure that vocation is the work you're born to do and wonder instead if there's only the work you're meant to do now?

I recently collided with a Quaker maxim about vocation, "Let your life speak." I love the elegant simplicity and provocative power of this simple line.

Whether your calling comes from within or without, you will miss it if you're not paying attention, able to listen, and willing to trust yourself to try and find your way.

Your life is speaking to and through you right now. What is it telling you? What is it asking of you? Are you listening?

Scott Perry, Chief Difference-Maker at Creative on Purpose.

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.

Difference-Making From the Inside Out

Difference-makers like us strike a posture that is often outward-facing. We're generous and eager to serve. We care, and we give.

But there's a danger to this approach. Unselfish magnanimity has its limits. If you give and give and give, at some point, you will simply give out. 

What to do?

Practice difference-making from the inside out.

I often see burnout treated as if it's a disease. I wonder if it's actually a symptom? Might burnout be a signal that you may be doing the wrong thing (or doing the thing wrong)? Treated this way, burnout can serve as a pointed reminder that you're giving time, attention, or effort that you no longer possess.

You can avoid depleting yourself like this by making sure you start each day by topping off your tank. Practice self-care and self-regulate how often and how much you put out.

Difference-making is done best when it is done from the inside out.

Generosity is not promiscuity. Giving too much doesn't make you a saint, and it's not a sustainable way to serve. True altruism leverages investment and reciprocity. The giver and receiver both have stakes in the exchange, and both benefit.

How did you fill your container before you started giving today? How might taking a moment to replenish yourself help you serve better by difference-making from the inside out?

Scott Perry, Chief Difference-Maker at Creative on Purpose.

If what you just read resonated, please share it with a friend.