Iris Ruth Pastor's Blog, page 17
November 3, 2022
The Aftermath Of A Family Wedding
I looked around the room and realized that the guests attending hailed from more than twenty-five states – representing at least that many viewpoints, philosophies, politics and personalities.
I looked around the room and also realized that everyone in that room had one thing in common: a love for Suzanne and Mark, so hopefully that love would ensure that differences could be overlooked.
If the Gestalt Theory states that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, then a wedding is made up surely of not just the people attending, but the loved ones who are no longer with us.
Pictures, toasts, reminisces and family lore were plentiful during the course of the weekend, ensuring that those who had passed on – with all their quirks – were remembered and acknowledged.
My late dad’s favorite toast was repeated frequently amid gales of laughter: “Here’s to those who wish us well, and all the rest can go to Hell!”
And Suzanne’s father’s brother, Uncle Eric – who died way too young – was mentioned again and again: his love of life, his compassion and Suzanne’s uncanny similarity to him.
And Mark: he was toasted repeatedly by his wide array of buddies for his “Positive Vibes.” His mom and dad and sister filled in the colorful details of Mark’s antics – while all those present could see this was a “match made in Heaven.”
My niece had arranged for me to have my hair and make-up professionally done. Because it was NOT my affair, of course I was very happy with the way my up-do turned out. I had asked for kinda messy and not carefully curated, and the lady doing my hair understood completely.
Not so for my sister – the mother of the bride. She asked for her hair to be blown dry down, not up. And by her dramatic expression as the hairdresser finished, I could tell my sister was not happy with the result.
She pulled me aside. “I look like I’m going to Target ,” she exclaimed, “not walking my daughter down the aisle!”
“Of course,” I shot back. “Because it’s your occasion. If it was my occasion, I would have hated my hair too. You know. Murphy’s Law.”
She took a deep breath, calmed down and went to find one of the hairdressers to re-do her hair.
It was the first time both my sister and I had the exact same hairdo at the same exact time. And the comments this elicited went on all night: “Omg – you two look like twins!”
When not posing for pictures, I watched my grandchildren interreact with each other and dance with wild abandon (as did their parents).
I watched truly random people find connection.
I watched the bride and groom’s friends party hearty, as if they were teenagers once more and not responsible working adults with spouses and kids.
Life is complicated. Everyone is so busy. But the fact that we all carved out the time to come together to witness the marriage of yet another family member was so gratifying.
Sure, it went by in a blur.
Sure, I certainly didn’t get to spend quality time with the many people I adore.
Sure, it was over way too fast.
But the feeling of warmth lingers. This is our tribe. We show up for each other. And like the hokey pokey, “That’s what it’s all about.”
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
October 28, 2022
A Tale of Modern Love
Tomorrow night my sister’s oldest daughter – my niece
Suzanne – will be getting married to her fiancé Mark.
Milestone events like weddings are an opportunity to revisit the past and reflect on the present. And it starts with gathering information.
If you want to know a kid, ask his mom.
So I decided to start with asking my niece’s future mother-in-law, Kathy, and Suzanne’s mom, my sister Lori, to describe their kids in five short words or phrases.
The first word Kathy used to describe her son was “slippery.”
“You had to watch him when he was little. He would try his best to get away with things. When I was on the phone (not cordless,years ago),he would know I couldn’t get to him, so he would climb up on the kitchen counter to get to the cookie closet. I would be making faces at him and he would ignore me.
His sister Lindsay’s consistent one-liner when they were little was ‘Mom… punish him!’”
Kathy also said the following about Mark: social, athletic, sax player in the marching band and personable.
Five phrases to describe Suzanne as a child from my sister Lori:
Energizer bunny, always busy, heart of gold, loves her friends, fearless and tremendous empathy for the underdog. (that was six, but my sister has never been great at math)
It’s pretty clear why Suzanne and Mark have meshed so well. Social. Personable. Engaged with life. And gutsy.
However, Mark and Suzanne had different approaches to how they broached the subject of each other with their moms.
What did Suzanne tell Lori when she had just met Mark?
“Mom, don’t start planning the wedding, but I went on a date last night and it was ‘just so easy.’”
Mark told his mom sometime later – I don’t even want to guess how much later – he had met someone… “at the “library.” Really, Mark?????
In truth, the app Hinge brought them together and on their first date they actually sat at a bar after a National’s baseball game chatting and drinking extra dirty martinis and exclaiming about how much they both loved the reality TV show “The Challenge” – a competition show where contestants compete in stunt heavy action-packed adventures. Sounds like great training ground for a great marriage.
After all, nothing is more perplexing, stimulating, frustrating and puzzling than matrimony and how to keep the marital platform both tantalizing and vibrant – so I suspect they are both well prepared after obsessing over that show.
I don’t know how much detailed information Suzanne gave her mom about Mark before Lori met him, but I suspect a bit more than Mark imparted to Kathy, which was: “When you meet her, you can ask her all your questions.”
Omg!
What a guy thing.
The week before their wedding, I asked Suzanne the following questions:
What’s one thing Mark would be surprised to know about you?
I think Mark may already know too much about me; I don’t think anything would surprise him at this point.
When did you know he was the one?
There was never a “moment” when I knew he was the one. It just happened organically and it was just so easy.
What’s his best quality?
Marks best quality is his patience!
Do you have a message for him before you get married?
My message to Mark is, “Good luck, you’re in for a wild ride with me!”
And I asked Mark the same:
What’s one thing Suzanne would be surprised to know about you?
I like to surprise other people, but I don’t really like being surprised myself. I‘m a planner and like to know everything in advance so I can prepare, although I normally prepare at the very last minute!! Suzanne knows I always ask a ton of questions, so I hate when people try to pull a fast one on me!
When did you know she was the one?
The first time I told Suzanne I loved her was at my 31st birthday party that she threw for me. It felt like she was the one ever since.
What’s her best quality?
Suzanne is a hustler. She will make whatever she wants to happen, happen. She goes out of her way to make sure what other people want to happen, also happens.
Do you have a message for her before you get married?
We’re a great team and I’m excited to take on any CHALLENGE together as “The Challenge” is still our favorite show.
Mark and Suzanne: Here’s to a wonderful wedding and a wonderful life.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
October 21, 2022
Surprising Facts….
It’s not surprising that research shows that more than 30% of voters often don’t even bother filling out their entire ballot when they vote – either early, in person on election day or by mail. Is it apathy or a lack of information about some of the less covered and more obscure races and candidates? Most likely a little bit of both.
Political science professors have called this the SAT effect — when you don’t know, leave it blank.
On www.vox.xom, an important finding hit home:
Elected officials matter all the way down the ballot.
They make decisions that affect our lives every day — from monitoring water quality to levying taxes and deciding how that money will be used in choosing the leadership of our schools. If these officials make poor policy decisions, the consequence can be costly.
I laughed out loud at this statement: A lot of people simply take a guess on candidate choice based on candidate name, position on the ballet, ethnicity, and gender. I confess to being guilty on this count.
On one particular race, though, I can confidently take the guess work out of it.
My son, HARRY COHEN, is running for re-election for Hillsborough County Commissioner District 1.
HARRY has racked up a slew of endorsements, beginning with the Tampa Bay Times:
Cohen, a 52-year-old Tampa attorney, was first elected to the county commission in 2020 after serving eight years on the Tampa City Council. In both posts, he has been a strong advocate for smart growth, transportation improvements and investing in the core infrastructure that makes communities tick…
He understands that managing growth is key to protecting Hillsborough’s competitiveness and quality of life. Cohen supports resiliency efforts to better protect people and property from coastal flooding. While he supports some tax incentives to business, Cohen says they must be limited in scope and targeted to “concrete” goals.
Cohen …brings an unusual combination of competence, creativity and level headedness to county government. He is widely respected for his collegial approach to problem solving and the responsiveness he provides his constituents.
For Hillsborough County Commission District 1, the Tampa Bay Times recommends Harry Cohen
Harry has also been endorsed by:
Greater Tampa Realtors
Teamsters Local 79
SEIU Florida
the Tampa Police Benevolent Association
Equality Florida
Moms Demand Action
AFL-CIO’s West Central Florida Labor Council
and Hillsborough County Firefighters Local 2294
La Gaceta
Florida Sentinel
HARRY ran against Jane Castor for mayor in 2019. At one of the candidate debates, Jane was asked if she were not running, who on the stage of the seven other candidates would she vote for? Her answer: HARRY COHEN.
Jane is still a fan of Harry’s. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hz91Gqn3D7I
Harry currently serves and serves honorably and well on the following boards:
Transportation Planning Organization – Chair
Port Tampa Bay
Tampa Bay Water
Tampa Bay Regional Planning Council
Value Adjustment Board
David A. Straz Jr. Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center
Tampa Museum of Art
.
HARRY brings great continuity and good judgement.
Electing HARRY will ensure that our government will work properly for the benefit of our community.
I admit I’m just wild about HARRY COHEN.
And I admit I feel strongly that my son HARRY COHEN is the guy for the job. I hope you will support him on November 8th.
www.ElectHarryCohen.com
Harry’s contact info:
https://www.hillsboroughcounty.org/en/government/board-of-county-commissioners/harry-cohen
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
October 14, 2022
Sensitivity – Do We Still Have Any?
I used to stretch, touch my toes and listen to my Calm app. Now I instinctively reach for my I Phone to see what new disaster looms on the horizon.
The aftermath of Hurricane Ian…
The atrocities in Ukraine…
The January 6 Capital Hearings…
And then there is the matter of how I split my attention in so many ways. Or how I simply half-listen. Many of us, myself certainly included, often don’t really hear each other because we are too busy crafting our own response. We often don’t delve into the intricacies of a situation, recognizing the many layers of complexity because we already have a half-baked opinion.
One definition of hearing is the opportunity to be heard, to present one’s side of a case, or to be generally known or appreciated. The definition of listening is to hear something with thoughtful attention.
Have we lost this art?
And if so, how can we become better listeners?
“The key to the art of listening is selectivity,” states Wilferd A. Peterson in The Art of Living. “You decide what you will accept…listen critically…with an open mind…no matter how much you disagree, for you may learn something.”
It is understandable and easy to become de-sensitized. There is only so much we can take in and respond to emotionally and intellectually.
Just recently, I watched “The U.S. and the Holocaust” – a three-part documentary by Ken Burns, Lynn Novick and Sarah Botstein. I was very interested in learning more about how public indifference and the maze of bureaucratic red tape could have tragic and unforeseen consequences affecting millions of innocent people.
I was also deeply curious about the integrity of our own country’s ideals – the beacon of light the U.S. was supposed to be for so many. And yet, our country had and still has harsh quota laws for immigrants, directly in opposition to the words inscribed on the “Mother of Exiles,” better known as The Statue of Liberty:Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
the wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
“The U.S. and the Holocaust” was riveting and informative, but it was difficult for me to stay focused and attentive with so much “stuff” already swirling around in my head – also competing for my attention.
Many of us agree we need to come together and look for and find common ground, so all sides can be heard. We need impassioned debates among diverse citizen groups. We need to dialogue, thrash out, work through. We need new ideas. And we need to build on these new foundations.
We often fall short. So, what can one person one lone citizen – do?
First, we can take some deep calming breaths
in an effort to help our focus.
We can stop multitasking
and begin concentrating
on one specific thing at a time.
We can get out of our own way.
Break out of our own silo.
Pay attention.
Rise to action.
Develop a helpful way to respond,
starting small –
by extending generosity and kindness
to someone in our own sphere
of acquaintance
that needs a helping hand.
Applaud a job well done.
Be a hero.
Make someone’s day.
“The planet does not need more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds.”
Dalai Lama
Please share with me what good you have done to make our world and country a better place.
I want to hear you. And I am listening.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom
Iris Ruth Pastor
October 7, 2022
Poor me
I live in Tampa and my husband and I were away celebrating our son’s 50th birthday in the New York area when Hurricane Ian barreled into Florida – headed straight for Tampa.
Poor me.
Lucky for us, Tampa was spared, but Ft. Myers and all neighboring locales took a massive hit.
We couldn’t get a flight back until the Sunday following Ian’s landfall.
I flew back suffering with a giant sinus infection – weighed in at 3 pounds heavier than when I had left and couldn’t access my irisruthpastor.com website because I had inadvertently let the domain name expire.
Poor me.
We pulled up to our house.
Our lawn was filled with debris
Our patio was covered with broken branches, twigs and pieces of cracked flower pots
Remnants of a nearby huge old palm tree had literally cracked in half and had found a convenient resting place on our roof
All our outdoor furniture (remember, we live in Florida – we do lots of living outdoors) had been piled in our family room and living room thanks to one of our sons’ foresight.
Ditto for the various valuables normally on the first floor, which were now on the second floor for safe keeping, and needing to be dragged down a steep, windy staircase to the first floor and put back in place.
The house was still standing, but as my son reminded me, the high winds made the windows rattle in a very creepy way during the height of the storm.
I was in a bad mood.
Poor me.
The next day, we called our lawn people, who said they couldn’t come clean the debris for a few days. Ditto for the gutter people. Ditto for our handyman. Ditto for our cleaning service.
My carefully tended house plants were either dead, over-watered or totally dried out. And the carefully curated plaques hanging on our front porch were sporting mold.
Poor, poor me.
Meanwhile….
Hurricane ravaged counties in Florida are without clean water. Where there is limited water, residents ask: Drink it or clean with it?
Many are down to a dwindling gas tank and they’re almost out of food. Do they stay put or go ravaging for supplies?
Water pressure is completely inadequate.
Homes are not livable. Boats are in ruins. Cars and pick-up trucks are submerged. Alligators are roaming around and snakes are all over the place.
It’s an apocalyptic scene.
Businesses have been wiped out. Bridges destroyed – cutting off communities that are now only accessible by boat or aircraft.
Power may not be restored for 30 days.
And the death toll continues to rise – with many still missing.
Poor me.
Coming back to an intact city, neighborhood, street and home –
with all those I love, like, and do business with “safe and sound.”
As I finish composing this column, I’m sitting on my back porch, overlooking my beautiful, but very disheveled, back yard, with power fully restored. The grand oaks lining my property are still standing tall and my house shows little signs of storm damage.
This afternoon, I’m dropping off bottles of water, toiletries, bedding, non-perishable food items, and garbage bags to a donation center to help those hit hardest by Hurricane Ian.
This afternoon, I’m calling to get quotes on installing hurricane impact windows or storm shutters.
And this afternoon, I’m also overhauling my gratitude meter to reflect reality.
“Gratitude is an antidote to negative emotions, a
neutralizer of envy, hostility, worry, and irritation.
It is savoring; it is not taking things for granted; it is present-oriented.”
– Sonja Lyubomirsky
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
PS For those of you who live in the Tampa area, my son Harry Cohen is running for re-election for Hillsborough County Commissioner. He was just endorsed by The Tampa Bay Times.
DISTRICT 1 (WEST COUNTY): HARRY COHEN, DEMOCRAT
The incumbent, Democrat Harry Cohen, has demonstrated time and again an unfailing commitment to serve his community with distinction. His experience, judgment and integrity warrant him another term.
Cohen, a 52-year-old Tampa attorney, was first elected to the county commission in 2020 after serving eight years on the Tampa City Council. In both posts, he has been a strong advocate for smart growth, transportation improvements and investing in the core infrastructure that makes communities tick.
Cohen supports the transportation referendum on Hillsborough’s general election ballot, calling it “the best chance” for improving commutes and pedestrian safety in the years ahead. He understands that managing growth is key to protecting Hillsborough’s competitiveness and quality of life. Cohen supports resiliency efforts to better protect people and property from coastal flooding. While he supports some tax incentives for businesses, Cohen says they must be limited in scope and targeted to “concrete” goals.
Republican Scott D. Levinson lost this race to Cohen in 2020 by a slim, 51-49 margin. Levinson, 57, a longtime wholesale food distributor, opposes the transportation tax referendum, saying the county needs to prioritize its spending rather than raise new revenues. Levinson supports environmental efforts, regional cooperation and a balanced approach to job incentives. He is a moderate who believes that government would be better served by having people from more varied walks of life.
Cohen, though, brings an unusual combination of competence, creativity and levelheadedness to county government. He is widely respected for his collegial approach to problem-solving and the responsiveness he provides his constituents.
For Hillsborough County Commission District 1, the Tampa Bay Times recommends Harry Cohen.
October 6, 2022
Hurricane Ian: Catastrophic and Record-Breaking
My week was spent obsessively watching the news document Hurricane Ian’s progress as it barreled toward the West Coast of Florida.
We live in Tampa, but happened to be in New Jersey for my son’s 50thbirthday celebration. However, family and friends -who also reside in Tampa – WERE there.
The days leading up to and including Ian’s making land fall were filled with anguish and uncertainty. Hoping for the best, we all monitored the storm’s tract, paid attention to storm surge estimates (up to 18 feet) and the opinions of professionals reporting on the amount of rain each community would likely sustain. The meteorologists’ description of the latest lash from Mother Nature: a powerful hurricane, both catastrophic and historic.
Two million people were urged to evacuate.
Ian’s scope: huge.
Ian’s power: just bordering on a Cat 5 hurricane.
Clearly coming Tampa’s way.
But Tampa was spared a direct hit. The projected path hit landfall over 100 miles south of us.
As you read this, Hurricane Ian is battering South Carolina and most probably will continue to wreak mass havoc in the coming days.
[image error]Here’s a prayer for those in Ian’s impending path:
God of the heavens: nature and all that You have created are truly awesome. Often, we take these wonders for granted. Teach us to cherish all of your gifts.
Try as we might, we know that we cannot control the oceans, the mountains, the weather. We also firmly believe that ever since the time of Noah, You do not send floods, make the earth shake, or dispatch weather formations, such as hurricanes, as warnings or punishments.
So we ask, as this hurricane approaches land and approaching our brothers and sisters, that You shelter all who will be in its path. Watch over everyone, their loved ones, friends, and fellow people, many of whom are preparing to evacuate. Guard them as they prepare, perhaps to leave their homes again. Give them strength, courage, and resolve to ride out this storm; answer their prayers and ours that they be blessed with goodness and be spared from harm.
Baruch ata Adonai, Elohanu Melech Haolam she kocho u-gevurato maleh olam.
Blessed are You, Source of Life and Nature, whose awesome power and strength fill our world and inspire us to be strong in the face of all of life’s difficulties.
– Rabbi Fred Guttman
And here’s one for those who have already tasted the awesome destructive power of Hurricane Ian:
Gracious God, I pray for the victims of this disaster, Lord, that you would comfort the lives that were spared Lord, and that you would take care of those who perished.
Lord, please bless those who are doing everything they can to help these people and also make sure that things run smoothly in repairing this great nation.
Please help the victims to have patience and also help family members to be reunited. Lord, I pray that you will ensure that the victims do not come under any illnesses from this disaster, and I also pray that they get enough food and clean water and proper shelter.
Lord, please touch the hearts of the world to continue to pray for these people and also to donate whatever they can to help rebuild this wonderful nation.
Lord, only you can make miracles happen and I am asking for one now.
Amen.
– Bridgett of Ontario, CA, adapted from “Hurricane Katrina Prayer”
Please let me know if you were in the path of this horrific hurricane. I’d like to know what you did to “keep calm and carry on.” I’d like to know if, next time (G-d forbid), you would do anything differently.
And finally, so many organizations are seeking donations. Let’s all lend a hand.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
PS: A few years back, I wrote a column on “brains and luck” and which was better to have. Back then, I concluded it was better to have LUCK. After the events of the last few days, when Mama Nature was most angry, I still maintain that position. We in the Tampa Bay area were extremely lucky – this is the second near-miss in a few short years – and we are truly grateful for our good fortune.
September 23, 2022
Something A Little Bit Different This Week
I’ve never quite broken the habit of looking for the odd, the distinctive, the tantalizing and the interesting bits of news.
Here’s a few entries that have recently grabbed my attention:
Lots of buzz around Ken Burns’ newest documentary, “The U.S. and the Holocaust,” which aired this week. The three-part series, which took years to make, focuses on the sticky question of immigration and Americans’ response to the plight of the Jews of Europe. While drinking my morning coffee and glancing through The New York Times obituary section in early September, an obit’s headline caught my eye: Amy Stehler: 67, Who Made Acclaimed Documentaries.
She was married to Ken Burns from 1982-1993. She played a pivotal part in Florentine Films, the company behind Burns’ series “The Civil War.” In the last paragraph of the long obit, Ken Burns said the following: “I don’t think you’d have ever heard of me had she not been there.”
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Here’s another incidental also gleaned from The New York Times obit section. Remember Tony Sirico, who played Paulie Walnuts on “The Sopranos”? He died in July, 2022 at age 79. He was the eccentric gangster who didn’t allow anyone on the set to touch his two silver wings of hair, which he blow dried and sprayed himself.
The interesting tidbit? In his youth, he started running with a bad crowd and ended up in Sing-Sing Prison, a maximum security facility in Ossinning, New York. While there, he saw a troupe of ex-convicts perform for the inmates. His reaction? “I can do that.”
He started as an extra in “The Godfather Part II.” And the rest is history.
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These are hard times and many of us are exhausted, burned- out, and in need of re-charging. An article by Elizabeth Bernstein in The Wall Street Journal, on August 24, 2022, notes that neuroscientists are finding that water can help. Spending time near oceans, lakes, and rivers can provide a range of benefits including reducing anxiety, easing mental fatigue and rejuvenation. Just being near water gives our brain a break from intense, focused attention that much of daily life requires and that is cognitively depleting. This is great news for those of us – myself included – who abhor water aerobics classes and swimming in general.
Speaking of water, while in Mystic, CT recently, I was treated to a grand tour of the Mystic Seaport Museum, the nation’s leading maritime museum. Comprising 19 acres, the museum includes a recreated New England coastal village, a working shipyard, and is a repository for more than 500 historic watercrafts.
A tour of one of the whaling ships made me realize how primitive and cramped the shipmates’ quarters were. But in spite of the claustrophobic conditions, works of art emerged. This is a picture of a keepsake made by one of the crew for his sweetheart back home. (IGNORE the baseball in the lower right-hand portion of the picture – no idea where that came from!)
This item, painstakingly made from tiny bits of shells and rocks and what looks like beads, caught and held my attention – once again reinforcing man’s continual, primal need for love, devotion and connection.
I couldn’t resist buying a book to help me remember this awesome museum. I chose Mayflower, by Nathaniel Philbrick, an exhaustive volume documenting the truth and tribulations behind the voyage of the Mayflower and the settlement of Plymouth Colony in Massachusetts. (Tee hee. It will take me all winter to read – over 350 pages plus Notes.)
Incidentally, Mystic, CT has the best lobster rolls ever – not cheap, but utterly delicious.
Until next week, Keep Preserving Your Bloom.
Iris Ruth Pastor
September 16, 2022
Not What I Expected
It was not what I expected. It was surprising, gratifying and sobering. It was a reunion of sorts – my high school graduating classmates of ’65 celebrating turning 75 years of age. OUCH!
The two evening get-togethers were greatly aided by the committee’s foresight in having our name tags not only sport our maiden names along with our married ones, but our high school pictures too. Below is my senior year picture and my husband’s.
The vibe felt different this time than past reunions – less
one-upmanship – less competitive.
I didn’t hear chatter of our kids’ “great jobs” and successful lives. I didn’t see classmates whipping out pictures of grandkids, forcing those in close proximity to ooh and ah incessantly. Ditto for luxurious vacation homes and trips to Italy. Were people eyeing how others dressed and who had the latest designer bag? Didn’t appear so to me.
What did we focus on?
Personal reminisces and observations:
Remember when your parents caught us….
I loved coming to your house because….
My favorite party was….
Omg I look in the mirror and I see my mom…..
I’ve turned into my dad….
Curfews, 3.2 beer, make-out parties with Johnny Mathis’ records playing in the background, and crushes
The guys were more emotional than the ladies. A friend who my husband grew up with put his arm around me, choked up, and thanked me profusely for taking such good care of my husband (his long-time friend).
Lots of hugging too – especially among the guys.
I looked around the room.
This was My Tribe.
It felt like I was in a room where everyone had my back.
It felt comfortable.
People picked up, as if it was just yesterday that they had been eating lunch together in our high school’s oversized cafeteria – not decades.
We were a class who lived to dance and loved to dance.
Unlike past reunions, there was no DJ that night. No bogeying to TheMamas and Papas and The Beatles.
The reunion committee had decided people would rather catch-up than dance
And many weren’t in good enough shape physically to twist and turn and shimmy.
The only true shock I emanated from a conversation with a high school acquaintance who I considered both intimidating and a “Brainiac”. So taken by her remembrance of a presentation I did in American History, I actually recorded her memory to send to my adult kids to show I wasn’t just a superficial teen-age girl – shallow and silly!!
Here is a condensed version of what she said: I am a clinical psychologist who has given 100’s of IQ tests and know what academic and intellectual ability is. Iris is charming and flirtatious, but what many people didn’t know about her is that she is also incredibly smart, articulate and well organized. I have never forgotten the speech she gave on packing the Supreme Court. It was the clearest speech I’ve ever heard anyone in our high school give and very interesting…
It was a sobering thought to realize that our next high school reunion – no matter when it will be – will have more of us listed in The Memory Book and less of us present at the reunion.
That’s what made the two evenings so poignant and so meaningful. As one classmate said, “It was just good to see so many continually smiling faces.”
The Class of ‘65
Woodward High School
Cincinnati, Ohio
Oh, the memories that bind us to each other.
Oh, the shared experiences that made us who we are.
As my husband and I walked to our rental car under a canopy of trees just beginning their fall transformation, I had but one thought: We are a lucky, lucky bunch.
And we know it.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
PS: What’s your high school reunion experience?
September 8, 2022
Some ABC’s of Being 75
Some ABC’s of Being 75
A:
Adult kids starting to parent ME
B.
BUYING LESS, savoring more
C:
Chair lift I put in for my elderly parents is now being used, not damned for its unsightliness
Compulsively cleaning closets – deciding what I will leave to whom
Contemplating – just contemplating – getting a PYB tattoo and a purple streak in my hair
D:
Driving – merging is beginning to scare me and the lanes seem to be getting narrower
Doctor’s visits – increasing in frequency and intensity, asking more questions and listening more intently
E.
Ears – Hearing aids!
Exercise –Walking 10,000 steps each day doable. Jumping rope without wearing Depends? Not an option anymore
Eyes – ditched the contact lenses after 60 years. Back to glasses.
F.
Fashion: Boho chick still rules my attire, though a smidgeon of Coastal Grandma inching in – https://www.countryliving.com/home-de...
G.
Grandkids – getting taller than me
H.
Health – paying more attention
Hair – thankful I still have a bunch of it on my head. Wish it would stop growing on my chin
I.
I Phone notes – compensating for short-term memory loss
I Phone camera – Ditto. Snapping picture of row and floor in a parking garage – saving me HOURS of searching for my car
J.
Journaling – still don’t have the patience
K.
Kanopy – check this out – super cool – thank you Gloria! https://www.kanopy.com/en/
L.
Lists – realizing I will NEVER complete my to-do list and that’s okay
M.
Musings – beginning to think more about my legacy
N.
New York Times Wordle is getting easier and easier
O.
Online courses – loving my collage courses – started with a kid’s level class first! Nothing like paint pouring and cutting and pasting. It’s kindergarten for baby boomers!
P.
Playing games on my computer – hooked on www.realmahjongg.com
R.
Rear camera – my car’s favorite feature, as mobility in my neck decreases
S.
Sirius radio – allows me to still shimmer and shake in my seat to the Mamas and Papas crooning Dedicated to the One I Love https://youtu.be/4M7gKZqgHn4
on the oldies channel
Scale – whether digital or old school, realizing MOST OF THE TIME that the number on ANY scale is no reflection of my self-worth.
T.
Time – savoring it, not squandering it, on self-destructive thoughts and reflections.
W.
Wardrobe – unfortunately, like my girth, still expanding – I keep my stuff ‘cause I love my stuff and can’t seem to resist buying “just a little bit more.”
What has changed now that I’m 75?
Realizing it’s okay to publish a column without using every letter in the alphabet.
What am I thankful for now that I’m 75?
Waking up in the morning knowing there is no clocking-in on the job anymore
Waking up in the morning knowing – for the most part – I can chart my own course and move at my own pace and do what I want to do.
And, most of all, what I am thankul for now that I’m 75?
JUST WAKING UP EVERY MORNING
Keep Preserving Your Bloom and tell me how it feels to be 75,
Iris Ruth Pastor
August 31, 2022
Looking out the kitchen window
September can be such a joyous month and, at the same time, such a cruel month. In nature, it marks the end of summer’s lushness and the beginning of fall’s crispness.
For me personally, it’s usually been a time of loss – so many family members I cherished and loved passed away in September.
September – for those of us who have kids – has always been a month of transition from the lazier days of summer to the hectic demands of yet another academic year.
September is a vivid reminder of the relentless pace of change:
Silently cringing inside as we put our five year-old on the school bus for the very first time
Calming a nervous fifth grader making a transition to a new school
Trying to read a moody teenager’s needs as he or she enters high school
And, then, the goodbye: sending our youngest child off to college – the exhilaration and sadness of the empty nest.
That’s September.
Below is a column I wrote years ago that speaks of the experience.
I rinse peanut butter off the knife and put it in the dishwasher
I scrub dried mozzarella cheese from a plate and put it in the dishwasher too
I scrape carrot after carrot and painstakingly cut them into thin strips
I slice bagels for sandwiches, snacks, mini-pizzas and quick pick-me-ups
And all the time
I look out the kitchen window.
I see my children playing wiffle ball in the summer, their brows dripping with sweat
I see my children tossing a football in the fall, their feet slipping on the golden leaves
I see my children building snowmen in the winter, impatiently discarding scarves and hats as their cheeks get redder and their bodies warmer
I see my children pounding tennis balls against the garage wall in the spring, using muscles that have lain dormant over the winter
Sometimes it’s painful to look out the kitchen window.
I fry dozens of hamburgers and fill dozens of ceramic pitchers full of fresh lemonade for Max’s first party with girls.
I pop kernels and kernels and kernels of popcorn for after school snacks and Sunday football game gatherings for Louie and Frank.
I bake birthday cupcakes for Harry, painstakingly decorating each one with his name.
I melt bags of colored chocolate to mold into Valentine hearts for Sam and his gang of gangly guys.
And all the time –
I look out my kitchen window.
I see Harry teaching Frank how to properly load books, computer, and clothes into the car he’ll drive up to college.
I see Frank teaching Max how to back the car out of the garage
without hitting the tree (and his other brothers).
I see Max teaching Sam how to start the lawn mower after the motor is flooded.
I see Sam teaching Lou how to rake, bag and dump –
the leaves in fall and the grass clippings in summer.
Sometimes it’s painful to look out the kitchen window
and realize that one day
there will be no more lunches to pack,
carrots to scrape, kernels to pop, hamburgers to fry,
and children to watch.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
PS: How do YOU cope with the empty nest?
