Iris Ruth Pastor's Blog, page 16
December 2, 2022
Trying to be THE MATRIARCH
As usual, there was a big crowd and as usual, I was the person connected most closely with everyone there. So, I guess that makes me THE MATRIARCH.
Naturally, being hit by that obvious revelation, I decided to find out exactly what this status confers on me.
The definition of a matriarch is pretty straight forward:
It’s an older woman who is the head of a family, clan or tribe. And Powerful.
In earlier times, female matriarchs led the family to safety, food, and water. And she nurtured the babies, disciplined the teens, provided wisdom for her entire family, and made all the important decisions. That is obviously a VERY obsolete definition. And one in which I am quite deficient. I don’t regularly and expertly wield a knife to spur off attackers, have never ordered from Uber Eats and always seem to have the least popular brand of fizzy water in my refrigerator when my kids and their families come over. In addition, I’m not so sure my five sons and three daughters-in-law would be thrilled with me usurping their power.
Life Coach Jamie Metz came to my rescue. She iterates that “MATRIARCHY IS NOT ABOUT DOING the heavy lifting work of a mother or about nurturing and meeting the physical needs of another human on a daily basis.” Whew!
She also remarks that it’s not about “needing to be needed!” and that matriarchs are “people that love quietly and unconditionally, without competing for attention or needing anything in return.” Oy. That’s a very tall order for someone like me who craves recognition and acknowledgement pretty regularly. (Just ask my offspring!)
As far as the matriarchal role where my experience, wisdom, awareness, and compassion is needed to solve complex or sensitive issues involving human beings and their welfare? I think the general consensus in my family would be a resounding: “Keep Mom out of this. The less she knows the better…she’ll only complicate things.”So I definitely welcomed Jamie’s 10 straight forward and important pointers on being an effective MATRIARCH of ADULTS who are important to you:
Be a good listener.
Don’t give advice.
Don’t do the work and don’t solve the problem for them.
Let them know that they are important to you, without being overwhelming.
Show up! consistently be at important events. when there, be happy!
Enjoy yourself. no drama! no gossip!
Respect their choices and don’t repeat personal things they tell you to anyone.
They may never need you. just being available to them might be more powerful than you know.
Don’t underestimate your importance. love them.
Remember it’s a long game. long as in decades! so be patient and stay subtly and wisely focused.
It’s very, very, very lucky that I have decades in this “long game” because I’ve got a lot of work to do to become an “effective” matriarch.
John Cappello, who is an award winning psychic medium and intuitive healer, also wrote about the ten traits of an effective matriarch. That list almost propelled straight to the bar for a very strong and very dirty Martini.
Here is his list: wise, empathic, loyal, flexible, consistent, predictable, simple, spiritual, positive, confident, honest, steps up to the plate when needed AND knows her place.
Conservatively speaking, of his 13 descriptions of the ideal matriarch, I respectfully and modestly submit I possess seven – though again I’m sure my offspring would respectfully and vehemently disagree and just possibly gently hint that I am once again overestimating my lofty estimation of my worth.
I’m not so sure I’m fully embracing this matriarch concept. I whole heartedly agree that an ideal matriarch should be acting in the best interest of the family. But let’s face it: opinions vary on just what “best interests” look like. And not surprisingly, on this, my boys would heartily agree with me.
However, there is still hope for me. Cappella also goes on to say that matriarchs aren’t perfect (thank goodness) and reach the level of matriarch because of their best traits. Thank goodness. I still have a fighting chance.
In the meantime, let’s all Preserve Our Blooms,
Iris Ruth Pastor
PS:
What qualifies YOU as the matriarch of your family?
November 25, 2022
Weak Ties Impact Us More Than We Realize
Mark Granovetter is an American sociologist and professor at Stanford and is best known for his work in economic sociology. His Weak Tie theory is that acquaintances are likely to be more influential than close friends, particularly in social networks. He surveyed 282 Boston-based workers and found that most of them got their jobs through someone they knew. But only a minority got the job through a close friend; 84% got their job through those weak-tie relationships – meaning casual contacts whom they saw only occasionally.
Office design is also impacted by Weak Tie theory. From the internet I learned the following: Steve Jobs oversaw the design of the Pixar building in order to generate serendipitous meetings among employees from different departments. The building has a large central hall through which all employees have to pass several times a day. Jobs wanted colleagues to bump into each other, grab coffee and shoot the breeze. He believed in the power of these seemingly random conversations to fire up creativity.
Weak ties have an effect when losing a loved one to:
Below is a picture of my late mother and me. Click on the link to hear my reaction to losing her – illustrating that Weak Ties have an effect when losing a loved one too.
https://archive.org/details/podcast_preserving-your-bloom-with-ir_losing-my-mother_1000407295306
Weak ties can distract ourselves from weariness:
Here is a column I wrote in April, 2014 illustrating this point. It was written when my husband was going through a debilitating health crisis. I was so tired – looking for diversion from the daily grind. Surprisingly, I found it from a Weak Tie.
Tree Care as a Metaphor for Self-Care
The days drag on. My husband remains in convalescent mode. Well-meaning friends pull me aside to tell me I look tired. Bone tired. No kidding?
I try to distract myself from the weariness.
Diversion and direction come from an unexpected source: a tall, middle-aged husky fellow with a full beard, attired in flannel shirt, ripped jeans, combat boots and a straw cowboy hat which is perched precariously on his head. He came knocking on my door and convinced me that my grand oaks were in need of his services. I was an easy sell. We’ve lived here eight years – all without maintaining those majestic wonders.
I check out his credentials and give the go-ahead.
While his crew spends six hours re-invigorating my trees – pruning, trimming, cutting, and fertilizing – he educates me on the proper care of these living organisms.
He points out a tree trunk with a lost limb. “Long ago,” he notes, “this limb had been removed properly,” he remarks. “It was causing undue stress on the rest of the tree. Because this limb has been removed properly, the tree will completely heal and close around the wound. If the scar does not heal properly, water sets in the cavity and, after a time, will slowly rot the inside of the trunk.”
He looks at me intently. “It’s okay to have scars. They just must heal properly.”
“Look up at the canopy of limbs overhead,” he instructs me. “It’s important to clean out the sucker limbs so that the wind can blow freely through and the tree won’t topple when in the eye of a storm. Suckers catch the wind and take nutrients from the rest of the tree, especially the tree tops.”
He looks at me intently. “It’s okay to allow for some hanger-ons, but too many suckers use up the nutrients and then the tree begins to die from the top down.”
“One more thing,” he tosses over his shoulder as he climbs into the cab of his truck. “The size of the canopy gives a suggestion of the size of the tree’s surface roots. Take care of the roots – they are reputed to hold all the tree’s strength.”
I head back to my husband’s rehab room refreshed, energized and more hopeful than I have felt in days. Trees are living organisms who naturally know how to survive. We humans should take a few clues and cues from them:
Allow ourselves to heal from within, not with a quick outer fix
Shed the excess baggage to lighten our load
Honor and draw strength from our roots – the part of us that holds our power and potency
And don’t be reluctant to take advice from a weathered, bearded arborist who draws beautiful metaphors between caring for trees and surviving life’s perils.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
November 17, 2022
What Fosters our Sense of Connection and Costs Absolutely Nothing?
Or why my step lightens when, driving down my street on my way to run errands, I spot my mailman’s truck and he waves and I honk.
Or why I’m flooded with happiness when the lady down the street laughs when I pass her by on my daily walk and casually remark to her that she has an open invitation to come to my house and re-pot my root-bound flowers too.
The above scenarios foster our sense of connection and cost us absolutely nothing.
But what exactly are these interactions? And why are they so important?
They are: Weak Ties
Devin Soni in an article called “The Power of Weak Ties,” said, “These are ties between people that know each other, but not particularly well. In real-world terms, these are the people that you interact with once a month, whom you probably do not see very often. You may not have much in common with your weak ties, and most of your weak ties will not know each other.
Weak Ties are loose connections, often fleeting in time.
They make us happier than we think and matter more than we realize.
They expand our sense of well-being.
They provide connection.
They increase our sense of meaning and our sense of security.
They provide joy.
They reduce our feeling of loneliness.
When we get out of our social bubble of close contacts, we experience the world through an additional lens – a lens that is unfamiliar, uncontrollable and untapped.
We usually know what we can expect behaviorally from our friends and family, but don’t know how we will be received by strangers. When this encounter is pleasant, repeated, and consistent, we derive a renewed sense of affirmation about ourselves and a sense of security about the outer world itself. Think about the pleasant encounter you have had with the gal or guy behind the counter at your neighborhood coffee bistro, or a member of your hot yoga class, or the pharmacist at your corner drugstore.
These are not meaningless interactions. Loneliness and a sense of isolation are pervasive. And the headlines are filled with violence, incivility and unrest:
Nicole Leaves a Coastline in Chaos
Identification Policies Leave Transgender People Sterile
Russian Missiles Cross into Poland During Strike on Ukraine
Casual acquaintances both foster a sense of belonging and give our happiness quotient a positive boost – helping us withstand the onslaught of negative emotions and bad news.
Think:
Brief chats
A joke exchange
A smile
A thumbs-up
A wink and nod
A friendly smile
A bit of casual conversation
The holidays are coming up. Families will be getting together for Thanksgiving. Often our conversations with people we share blood with can be emotionally taxing. But Weak Tie relationships? They are often transactional. They are often easier because they are less demanding. And they are often with people we know less well – making the stakes lower.
Let’s be thankful for our close circle of family and friends – which is essential for our well-being and sense of community. But let’s also be mindful of the riches we can gather from the Weak Ties we both cultivate and nourish.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
Next week I’ll further explore the topic of Weak Ties:
I’ll illustrate how Weak Ties can open up new vistas of opportunity for us.
In the meantime, e mail me some examples of Weak Ties in your life and the influence they have had
November 10, 2022
Am I Really Too Old To Do Cartwheels?
By age eight, I had a routine down pat. One hundred cartwheels a day – no matter what. In winter, I did them next to the washer and dryer in our dank, dark basement. (I was banned from the living room after crashing into the cocktail table and breaking a lamp.) In spring, summer and fall, I cartwheeled up and down our blacktop driveway.
Though I try, I can’t remember when I stopped doing my 100 cartwheels a day. Somewhere around the time I discovered boys, make-up and the telephone, I suppose. But even with the passing of years, I continued to counter my self-dramatizing mood swings with a modified routine of cartwheel capering at sporadic intervals.
Shortly after each one of my sons mastered walking without tottering, I would demonstrate my cartwheel prowess. They were not the least bit enthralled. But my bowling team thought it was a pretty cool move for someone in their 30’s. And so did the elementary school board moms when, at the close of our monthly meeting, I hopped up and shot off a few at the age of forty-two. I fantasized that they too clambered to shed their yuppie shackles and follow me down the yellow brick road – all the while doing cartwheels too. Who knows maybe we could have had a “cartwheelathon” and raised money for a worthy cause if I had pushed my agenda a tad harder?
Then I turned fifty-four – the age when time meets reality. And it’s been a long time since I’ve done a cartwheel.
Can I still do it?
November 3, 2022
The Aftermath Of A Family Wedding
I looked around the room and realized that the guests attending hailed from more than twenty-five states – representing at least that many viewpoints, philosophies, politics and personalities.
I looked around the room and also realized that everyone in that room had one thing in common: a love for Suzanne and Mark, so hopefully that love would ensure that differences could be overlooked.
If the Gestalt Theory states that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, then a wedding is made up surely of not just the people attending, but the loved ones who are no longer with us.
Pictures, toasts, reminisces and family lore were plentiful during the course of the weekend, ensuring that those who had passed on – with all their quirks – were remembered and acknowledged.
My late dad’s favorite toast was repeated frequently amid gales of laughter: “Here’s to those who wish us well, and all the rest can go to Hell!”
And Suzanne’s father’s brother, Uncle Eric – who died way too young – was mentioned again and again: his love of life, his compassion and Suzanne’s uncanny similarity to him.
And Mark: he was toasted repeatedly by his wide array of buddies for his “Positive Vibes.” His mom and dad and sister filled in the colorful details of Mark’s antics – while all those present could see this was a “match made in Heaven.”
My niece had arranged for me to have my hair and make-up professionally done. Because it was NOT my affair, of course I was very happy with the way my up-do turned out. I had asked for kinda messy and not carefully curated, and the lady doing my hair understood completely.
Not so for my sister – the mother of the bride. She asked for her hair to be blown dry down, not up. And by her dramatic expression as the hairdresser finished, I could tell my sister was not happy with the result.
She pulled me aside. “I look like I’m going to Target ,” she exclaimed, “not walking my daughter down the aisle!”
“Of course,” I shot back. “Because it’s your occasion. If it was my occasion, I would have hated my hair too. You know. Murphy’s Law.”
She took a deep breath, calmed down and went to find one of the hairdressers to re-do her hair.
It was the first time both my sister and I had the exact same hairdo at the same exact time. And the comments this elicited went on all night: “Omg – you two look like twins!”
When not posing for pictures, I watched my grandchildren interreact with each other and dance with wild abandon (as did their parents).
I watched truly random people find connection.
I watched the bride and groom’s friends party hearty, as if they were teenagers once more and not responsible working adults with spouses and kids.
Life is complicated. Everyone is so busy. But the fact that we all carved out the time to come together to witness the marriage of yet another family member was so gratifying.
Sure, it went by in a blur.
Sure, I certainly didn’t get to spend quality time with the many people I adore.
Sure, it was over way too fast.
But the feeling of warmth lingers. This is our tribe. We show up for each other. And like the hokey pokey, “That’s what it’s all about.”
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
October 28, 2022
A Tale of Modern Love
Tomorrow night my sister’s oldest daughter – my niece
Suzanne – will be getting married to her fiancé Mark.
Milestone events like weddings are an opportunity to revisit the past and reflect on the present. And it starts with gathering information.
If you want to know a kid, ask his mom.
So I decided to start with asking my niece’s future mother-in-law, Kathy, and Suzanne’s mom, my sister Lori, to describe their kids in five short words or phrases.
The first word Kathy used to describe her son was “slippery.”
“You had to watch him when he was little. He would try his best to get away with things. When I was on the phone (not cordless,years ago),he would know I couldn’t get to him, so he would climb up on the kitchen counter to get to the cookie closet. I would be making faces at him and he would ignore me.
His sister Lindsay’s consistent one-liner when they were little was ‘Mom… punish him!’”
Kathy also said the following about Mark: social, athletic, sax player in the marching band and personable.
Five phrases to describe Suzanne as a child from my sister Lori:
Energizer bunny, always busy, heart of gold, loves her friends, fearless and tremendous empathy for the underdog. (that was six, but my sister has never been great at math)
It’s pretty clear why Suzanne and Mark have meshed so well. Social. Personable. Engaged with life. And gutsy.
However, Mark and Suzanne had different approaches to how they broached the subject of each other with their moms.
What did Suzanne tell Lori when she had just met Mark?
“Mom, don’t start planning the wedding, but I went on a date last night and it was ‘just so easy.’”
Mark told his mom sometime later – I don’t even want to guess how much later – he had met someone… “at the “library.” Really, Mark?????
In truth, the app Hinge brought them together and on their first date they actually sat at a bar after a National’s baseball game chatting and drinking extra dirty martinis and exclaiming about how much they both loved the reality TV show “The Challenge” – a competition show where contestants compete in stunt heavy action-packed adventures. Sounds like great training ground for a great marriage.
After all, nothing is more perplexing, stimulating, frustrating and puzzling than matrimony and how to keep the marital platform both tantalizing and vibrant – so I suspect they are both well prepared after obsessing over that show.
I don’t know how much detailed information Suzanne gave her mom about Mark before Lori met him, but I suspect a bit more than Mark imparted to Kathy, which was: “When you meet her, you can ask her all your questions.”
Omg!
What a guy thing.
The week before their wedding, I asked Suzanne the following questions:
What’s one thing Mark would be surprised to know about you?
I think Mark may already know too much about me; I don’t think anything would surprise him at this point.
When did you know he was the one?
There was never a “moment” when I knew he was the one. It just happened organically and it was just so easy.
What’s his best quality?
Marks best quality is his patience!
Do you have a message for him before you get married?
My message to Mark is, “Good luck, you’re in for a wild ride with me!”
And I asked Mark the same:
What’s one thing Suzanne would be surprised to know about you?
I like to surprise other people, but I don’t really like being surprised myself. I‘m a planner and like to know everything in advance so I can prepare, although I normally prepare at the very last minute!! Suzanne knows I always ask a ton of questions, so I hate when people try to pull a fast one on me!
When did you know she was the one?
The first time I told Suzanne I loved her was at my 31st birthday party that she threw for me. It felt like she was the one ever since.
What’s her best quality?
Suzanne is a hustler. She will make whatever she wants to happen, happen. She goes out of her way to make sure what other people want to happen, also happens.
Do you have a message for her before you get married?
We’re a great team and I’m excited to take on any CHALLENGE together as “The Challenge” is still our favorite show.
Mark and Suzanne: Here’s to a wonderful wedding and a wonderful life.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
October 21, 2022
Surprising Facts….
It’s not surprising that research shows that more than 30% of voters often don’t even bother filling out their entire ballot when they vote – either early, in person on election day or by mail. Is it apathy or a lack of information about some of the less covered and more obscure races and candidates? Most likely a little bit of both.
Political science professors have called this the SAT effect — when you don’t know, leave it blank.
On www.vox.xom, an important finding hit home:
Elected officials matter all the way down the ballot.
They make decisions that affect our lives every day — from monitoring water quality to levying taxes and deciding how that money will be used in choosing the leadership of our schools. If these officials make poor policy decisions, the consequence can be costly.
I laughed out loud at this statement: A lot of people simply take a guess on candidate choice based on candidate name, position on the ballet, ethnicity, and gender. I confess to being guilty on this count.
On one particular race, though, I can confidently take the guess work out of it.
My son, HARRY COHEN, is running for re-election for Hillsborough County Commissioner District 1.
HARRY has racked up a slew of endorsements, beginning with the Tampa Bay Times:
Cohen, a 52-year-old Tampa attorney, was first elected to the county commission in 2020 after serving eight years on the Tampa City Council. In both posts, he has been a strong advocate for smart growth, transportation improvements and investing in the core infrastructure that makes communities tick…
He understands that managing growth is key to protecting Hillsborough’s competitiveness and quality of life. Cohen supports resiliency efforts to better protect people and property from coastal flooding. While he supports some tax incentives to business, Cohen says they must be limited in scope and targeted to “concrete” goals.
Cohen …brings an unusual combination of competence, creativity and level headedness to county government. He is widely respected for his collegial approach to problem solving and the responsiveness he provides his constituents.
For Hillsborough County Commission District 1, the Tampa Bay Times recommends Harry Cohen
Harry has also been endorsed by:
Greater Tampa Realtors
Teamsters Local 79
SEIU Florida
the Tampa Police Benevolent Association
Equality Florida
Moms Demand Action
AFL-CIO’s West Central Florida Labor Council
and Hillsborough County Firefighters Local 2294
La Gaceta
Florida Sentinel
HARRY ran against Jane Castor for mayor in 2019. At one of the candidate debates, Jane was asked if she were not running, who on the stage of the seven other candidates would she vote for? Her answer: HARRY COHEN.
Jane is still a fan of Harry’s. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hz91Gqn3D7I
Harry currently serves and serves honorably and well on the following boards:
Transportation Planning Organization – Chair
Port Tampa Bay
Tampa Bay Water
Tampa Bay Regional Planning Council
Value Adjustment Board
David A. Straz Jr. Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center
Tampa Museum of Art
.
HARRY brings great continuity and good judgement.
Electing HARRY will ensure that our government will work properly for the benefit of our community.
I admit I’m just wild about HARRY COHEN.
And I admit I feel strongly that my son HARRY COHEN is the guy for the job. I hope you will support him on November 8th.
www.ElectHarryCohen.com
Harry’s contact info:
https://www.hillsboroughcounty.org/en/government/board-of-county-commissioners/harry-cohen
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
October 14, 2022
Sensitivity – Do We Still Have Any?
I used to stretch, touch my toes and listen to my Calm app. Now I instinctively reach for my I Phone to see what new disaster looms on the horizon.
The aftermath of Hurricane Ian…
The atrocities in Ukraine…
The January 6 Capital Hearings…
And then there is the matter of how I split my attention in so many ways. Or how I simply half-listen. Many of us, myself certainly included, often don’t really hear each other because we are too busy crafting our own response. We often don’t delve into the intricacies of a situation, recognizing the many layers of complexity because we already have a half-baked opinion.
One definition of hearing is the opportunity to be heard, to present one’s side of a case, or to be generally known or appreciated. The definition of listening is to hear something with thoughtful attention.
Have we lost this art?
And if so, how can we become better listeners?
“The key to the art of listening is selectivity,” states Wilferd A. Peterson in The Art of Living. “You decide what you will accept…listen critically…with an open mind…no matter how much you disagree, for you may learn something.”
It is understandable and easy to become de-sensitized. There is only so much we can take in and respond to emotionally and intellectually.
Just recently, I watched “The U.S. and the Holocaust” – a three-part documentary by Ken Burns, Lynn Novick and Sarah Botstein. I was very interested in learning more about how public indifference and the maze of bureaucratic red tape could have tragic and unforeseen consequences affecting millions of innocent people.
I was also deeply curious about the integrity of our own country’s ideals – the beacon of light the U.S. was supposed to be for so many. And yet, our country had and still has harsh quota laws for immigrants, directly in opposition to the words inscribed on the “Mother of Exiles,” better known as The Statue of Liberty:Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
the wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
“The U.S. and the Holocaust” was riveting and informative, but it was difficult for me to stay focused and attentive with so much “stuff” already swirling around in my head – also competing for my attention.
Many of us agree we need to come together and look for and find common ground, so all sides can be heard. We need impassioned debates among diverse citizen groups. We need to dialogue, thrash out, work through. We need new ideas. And we need to build on these new foundations.
We often fall short. So, what can one person one lone citizen – do?
First, we can take some deep calming breaths
in an effort to help our focus.
We can stop multitasking
and begin concentrating
on one specific thing at a time.
We can get out of our own way.
Break out of our own silo.
Pay attention.
Rise to action.
Develop a helpful way to respond,
starting small –
by extending generosity and kindness
to someone in our own sphere
of acquaintance
that needs a helping hand.
Applaud a job well done.
Be a hero.
Make someone’s day.
“The planet does not need more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds.”
Dalai Lama
Please share with me what good you have done to make our world and country a better place.
I want to hear you. And I am listening.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom
Iris Ruth Pastor
October 7, 2022
Poor me
I live in Tampa and my husband and I were away celebrating our son’s 50th birthday in the New York area when Hurricane Ian barreled into Florida – headed straight for Tampa.
Poor me.
Lucky for us, Tampa was spared, but Ft. Myers and all neighboring locales took a massive hit.
We couldn’t get a flight back until the Sunday following Ian’s landfall.
I flew back suffering with a giant sinus infection – weighed in at 3 pounds heavier than when I had left and couldn’t access my irisruthpastor.com website because I had inadvertently let the domain name expire.
Poor me.
We pulled up to our house.
Our lawn was filled with debris
Our patio was covered with broken branches, twigs and pieces of cracked flower pots
Remnants of a nearby huge old palm tree had literally cracked in half and had found a convenient resting place on our roof
All our outdoor furniture (remember, we live in Florida – we do lots of living outdoors) had been piled in our family room and living room thanks to one of our sons’ foresight.
Ditto for the various valuables normally on the first floor, which were now on the second floor for safe keeping, and needing to be dragged down a steep, windy staircase to the first floor and put back in place.
The house was still standing, but as my son reminded me, the high winds made the windows rattle in a very creepy way during the height of the storm.
I was in a bad mood.
Poor me.
The next day, we called our lawn people, who said they couldn’t come clean the debris for a few days. Ditto for the gutter people. Ditto for our handyman. Ditto for our cleaning service.
My carefully tended house plants were either dead, over-watered or totally dried out. And the carefully curated plaques hanging on our front porch were sporting mold.
Poor, poor me.
Meanwhile….
Hurricane ravaged counties in Florida are without clean water. Where there is limited water, residents ask: Drink it or clean with it?
Many are down to a dwindling gas tank and they’re almost out of food. Do they stay put or go ravaging for supplies?
Water pressure is completely inadequate.
Homes are not livable. Boats are in ruins. Cars and pick-up trucks are submerged. Alligators are roaming around and snakes are all over the place.
It’s an apocalyptic scene.
Businesses have been wiped out. Bridges destroyed – cutting off communities that are now only accessible by boat or aircraft.
Power may not be restored for 30 days.
And the death toll continues to rise – with many still missing.
Poor me.
Coming back to an intact city, neighborhood, street and home –
with all those I love, like, and do business with “safe and sound.”
As I finish composing this column, I’m sitting on my back porch, overlooking my beautiful, but very disheveled, back yard, with power fully restored. The grand oaks lining my property are still standing tall and my house shows little signs of storm damage.
This afternoon, I’m dropping off bottles of water, toiletries, bedding, non-perishable food items, and garbage bags to a donation center to help those hit hardest by Hurricane Ian.
This afternoon, I’m calling to get quotes on installing hurricane impact windows or storm shutters.
And this afternoon, I’m also overhauling my gratitude meter to reflect reality.
“Gratitude is an antidote to negative emotions, a
neutralizer of envy, hostility, worry, and irritation.
It is savoring; it is not taking things for granted; it is present-oriented.”
– Sonja Lyubomirsky
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
PS For those of you who live in the Tampa area, my son Harry Cohen is running for re-election for Hillsborough County Commissioner. He was just endorsed by The Tampa Bay Times.
DISTRICT 1 (WEST COUNTY): HARRY COHEN, DEMOCRAT
The incumbent, Democrat Harry Cohen, has demonstrated time and again an unfailing commitment to serve his community with distinction. His experience, judgment and integrity warrant him another term.
Cohen, a 52-year-old Tampa attorney, was first elected to the county commission in 2020 after serving eight years on the Tampa City Council. In both posts, he has been a strong advocate for smart growth, transportation improvements and investing in the core infrastructure that makes communities tick.
Cohen supports the transportation referendum on Hillsborough’s general election ballot, calling it “the best chance” for improving commutes and pedestrian safety in the years ahead. He understands that managing growth is key to protecting Hillsborough’s competitiveness and quality of life. Cohen supports resiliency efforts to better protect people and property from coastal flooding. While he supports some tax incentives for businesses, Cohen says they must be limited in scope and targeted to “concrete” goals.
Republican Scott D. Levinson lost this race to Cohen in 2020 by a slim, 51-49 margin. Levinson, 57, a longtime wholesale food distributor, opposes the transportation tax referendum, saying the county needs to prioritize its spending rather than raise new revenues. Levinson supports environmental efforts, regional cooperation and a balanced approach to job incentives. He is a moderate who believes that government would be better served by having people from more varied walks of life.
Cohen, though, brings an unusual combination of competence, creativity and levelheadedness to county government. He is widely respected for his collegial approach to problem-solving and the responsiveness he provides his constituents.
For Hillsborough County Commission District 1, the Tampa Bay Times recommends Harry Cohen.
October 6, 2022
Hurricane Ian: Catastrophic and Record-Breaking
My week was spent obsessively watching the news document Hurricane Ian’s progress as it barreled toward the West Coast of Florida.
We live in Tampa, but happened to be in New Jersey for my son’s 50thbirthday celebration. However, family and friends -who also reside in Tampa – WERE there.
The days leading up to and including Ian’s making land fall were filled with anguish and uncertainty. Hoping for the best, we all monitored the storm’s tract, paid attention to storm surge estimates (up to 18 feet) and the opinions of professionals reporting on the amount of rain each community would likely sustain. The meteorologists’ description of the latest lash from Mother Nature: a powerful hurricane, both catastrophic and historic.
Two million people were urged to evacuate.
Ian’s scope: huge.
Ian’s power: just bordering on a Cat 5 hurricane.
Clearly coming Tampa’s way.
But Tampa was spared a direct hit. The projected path hit landfall over 100 miles south of us.
As you read this, Hurricane Ian is battering South Carolina and most probably will continue to wreak mass havoc in the coming days.
[image error]Here’s a prayer for those in Ian’s impending path:
God of the heavens: nature and all that You have created are truly awesome. Often, we take these wonders for granted. Teach us to cherish all of your gifts.
Try as we might, we know that we cannot control the oceans, the mountains, the weather. We also firmly believe that ever since the time of Noah, You do not send floods, make the earth shake, or dispatch weather formations, such as hurricanes, as warnings or punishments.
So we ask, as this hurricane approaches land and approaching our brothers and sisters, that You shelter all who will be in its path. Watch over everyone, their loved ones, friends, and fellow people, many of whom are preparing to evacuate. Guard them as they prepare, perhaps to leave their homes again. Give them strength, courage, and resolve to ride out this storm; answer their prayers and ours that they be blessed with goodness and be spared from harm.
Baruch ata Adonai, Elohanu Melech Haolam she kocho u-gevurato maleh olam.
Blessed are You, Source of Life and Nature, whose awesome power and strength fill our world and inspire us to be strong in the face of all of life’s difficulties.
– Rabbi Fred Guttman
And here’s one for those who have already tasted the awesome destructive power of Hurricane Ian:
Gracious God, I pray for the victims of this disaster, Lord, that you would comfort the lives that were spared Lord, and that you would take care of those who perished.
Lord, please bless those who are doing everything they can to help these people and also make sure that things run smoothly in repairing this great nation.
Please help the victims to have patience and also help family members to be reunited. Lord, I pray that you will ensure that the victims do not come under any illnesses from this disaster, and I also pray that they get enough food and clean water and proper shelter.
Lord, please touch the hearts of the world to continue to pray for these people and also to donate whatever they can to help rebuild this wonderful nation.
Lord, only you can make miracles happen and I am asking for one now.
Amen.
– Bridgett of Ontario, CA, adapted from “Hurricane Katrina Prayer”
Please let me know if you were in the path of this horrific hurricane. I’d like to know what you did to “keep calm and carry on.” I’d like to know if, next time (G-d forbid), you would do anything differently.
And finally, so many organizations are seeking donations. Let’s all lend a hand.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
PS: A few years back, I wrote a column on “brains and luck” and which was better to have. Back then, I concluded it was better to have LUCK. After the events of the last few days, when Mama Nature was most angry, I still maintain that position. We in the Tampa Bay area were extremely lucky – this is the second near-miss in a few short years – and we are truly grateful for our good fortune.
