Jeremy Mifsud's Blog, page 13

Us Two

We are two. Two people. Two friends. Two lovers. Two strangers. Two brothers. There is no definition for what we are, or what we have. A metaphysical concept that my mind is unable to comprehend. Nonetheless, I attempt to understand it until these neverending thoughts make my head hurt.

We may be more than friends and less than lovers. More than lovers and less than friends. Does it matter? We are two people bound to one fate. Our breaths connect us; from my mouth to yours, from yours to mine. Your air is mine. I have claimed it. Living in the same moments. Your gaze fixed in mine; the universes in our eyes clash – but what are we? Two souls lost in space, gravitating towards one another. Twisting. Turning around. Double Helix. Two people.

I see parts of myself in you, and I hate it. You see parts of yourself in me, and you hate it. We hate ourselves and love each other. We hate each other and love ourselves. We make each other into something we are or are not; something that my mind struggles to define. Perhaps, I am simply trying to grasp what we have so that once I describe it, I can write it on paper and it will forever exist in history. Without definition, it risks getting lost in vicious winds; it risks getting sunk in an ocean, like lifeless bodies whose lungs are filled with nothing but the spit of their lover. Without definitions, we are simply two creatures without a place to call home.

~

If you have read Call Me By Your Name, you might realise that I took inspiration from the stream-of-consciousness style used by the author. I have been truly touched and inspired by the book – it is a masterpiece.

~

My newest poetry collection is available on Amazon (paperback)and Kindle (e-book). Read more about it at Welcome to the Sombre Days

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Satellite

I am a shuttle

and the planet

is my maker.

Its body birthed mine;

from its rock and metal

I became – me.

Preparing for take-off.

One last revision

of all the physics lessons;

I got to find my own way.

The thought of separation

is an anchor that

sinks right to its core;

intense apprehension –

gravitational field augmented.

I orbit –

aimlessly in its atmosphere.

Dichotomy:

caught between the engine thrust

and the gravitational pull.

Struggling to break out,

a rebel without control

forced to obey

the laws of nature.

I was meant to be a shuttle

instead, I became – satellite.

~

Welcome to the Sombre Days is available on Amazon (paperback)and Kindle (e-book).

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Disconnect

Neurons firing without rest,

exporting dangerous chemicals

to their neighbours.

Toxic gasses evaporate,

lack of circulation –

blood system overwhelmed.

Heat; neurons about to explode,

discharging electricity.

Unplug – they need to take a break,

they need to disconnect

and cool off,

just for a little while.

~

My newest book, Welcome to the Sombre Days, is available on Amazon (paperback)and Kindle (e-book).

 

Poetry Book Release: Welcome to the Sombre Days

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Welcome to the Sombre Days

Welcome to the Sombre Days has been officially released on Amazon and Kindle, both as paperback and e-book. This book is a collection of eighty-eight personal poems. As some of you know, I have battled depression for a couple of years in my adolescence, and poetry was my way of dealing with it therapeutically. Since 2017, I have been writing poems that reflect my life, specifically focusing on four sections.

1. Puppet Strings

In the first section, Puppet Strings, I talk about my childhood experiences. Writing this book, I have realised at how we all have unique and individual experiences that you will only understand by reading and connecting with me on a deeper level. As a child, I was not expressive or vocal about my feelings; I was not aware myself. Instead, they came out through manipulative and quiet manners. It is right what the say, the quiet ones are the most dangerous!

2. Weclome to the Sombre Days

Then, the second section is called Welcome to the Sombre Days, and it starts off with myself coming to terms with my sexuality. This coincided with the onset of my depression, and so, the poems in this chapter take a twisted and dark turn. It is my favourite part of the book as it is so candid, honest and raw, which is not something I was expecting to produce. In our world, there is stigma associated with mental health, and this leads to a lack of discussion or expression when it comes to mental illnesses. I find that poetry is an acceptable way to express darker feelings, and this chapter definitely shows that.

3. Silver Linings

I then move onto the Silver Linings, and I find a lot of positive things amongst my struggles. I had suddenly got better with nothing in my world changing except my attitude and motivation. Life was not only falling into place, but it felt like it was rewarding me for the suffering of those two whole depressed years. Comparatively, every breath I took was a blessing. Once having been through depression, I could appreciate all those little details that make our life so wonderful.

4. Finding the Warrior Within

The book ends with Finding the Warrior Within. Realistically, life is not just rainbows and butterflies. Even though I had a newfound appreciation for life, I still face daily challenges that occur. Becoming my own warrior is important, as we all tend to fall, and I know that I have to be the one to pick myself up. It is okay to feel down, and to fall and get hurt, it is normal. Yet, this time around, every time I fall, I do my best to get up and brush my bruises and walk away with my head held high. I cannot minimise it and say that it is not a struggle, yet, I believe that I am much more powerful than I ever was.

Aim

One of the main reasons for publishing this book is that I believe that there is a powerful message in my story, both towards LGBT+ individuals who struggle with their identity, as well towards those who suffer from mental health issues. If putting out my collection for free can have an impact towards even just one single individual where they feel that they can relate, I would be honoured. I find that there is not enough quality content when it comes to representation of these issues in bookstores. Sure, there are books with some LGBT+ representation, but most of them are not relatable to the reader. My story is personal, it is true and I hope that readers will be able to connect and understand my feelings as I go through my experiences.

Preview

I have posted the first seven poems, so that you may get a taste of the book. Here is a link to each:

Dancing Queen
Fruitcake
The Best of Both Worlds
Applause
Hush!
Inside Me (1)
Ink-chanted (1)

Links

To check out the paperback version on your local Amazon, click here.

To check out the e-book version on your local Kindle, click here.

If the links do not work properly, you may go to the Amazon.com or any of your preferred Amazon, and search for Welcome to the Sombre Days.

The ISBN-13 is 978-1980284130 and the ASIN is B07B4MJD3V.

 

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Ink-chanted (1) (Poem from Book)

Ink-chanted (1) is the seventh poem from my book, Welcome to the Sombre Days. This is the last poem that I will be sharing on WordPress! The book is available on Amazon (paperback)and Kindle (ebook). Other poems in the collection are:

Dancing Queen
Fruitcake
The Best of Both Worlds
Applause
Hush!
Inside Me (1)

Ink-chanted (1)

Window wide open,

the wind whirls

between white walls.

Words within pages,

pages within books,

orbiting around me.

My bones crack,

as my spine bends backwards,

glowing eyes staring at the ceiling

my jaw locked open,

ink exorcises itself out of the paper

into my over-active cortex.

Together,

we seek power

through knowledge.

We are only threatened

by those children

who have been possessed

by crueller demons.

Ink-chanted (1)

Ink-chanted (1) is the seventh poem from my book, Welcome to the Sombre Days. This is the last poem that I will be sharing on WordPress! The book is available on Amazon (paperback)and Kindle (ebook). Other poems in the collection are:

Dancing Queen
Fruitcake
The Best of Both Worlds
Applause
Hush!
Inside Me (1)

Ink-chanted (1)

Window wide open,

the wind whirls

between white walls.

Words within pages,

pages within books,

orbiting around me.

My bones crack,

as my spine bends backwards,

glowing eyes staring at the ceiling

my jaw locked open,

ink exorcises itself out of the paper

into my over-active cortex.

Together,

we seek power

through knowledge.

We are only threatened

by those children

who have been possessed

by crueller demons.

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Inside Me (1) (Poem from Book)

Inside Me (1) is the sixth poem from my book, Welcome to the Sombre Days. The book is digitally available on Amazon and Kindle, and will be also available on paperback, both released on 9th March.Other poems in the collection are:

Dancing Queen
Fruitcake
The Best of Both Worlds
Applause
Hush!

Inside Me (1)

Little child,

angel wings,

pure heart.

Imitation of the holy,

acts of kindness,

sin is a foreign concept.

My feet follow

the path of virtue,

my ears tune

to the chimes of church bells.

Righteousness

is what mum nurtured,

I take pride in that.

I feel superior:

am an obedient child

unlike the mischievous kids.

At the daily mass

I am on my knees,

tongue chanting prayers of admiration.

My heart, my soul, my body,

I am ready,

to receive

inside me

the holiest man.

Hush! (Poem from Book)

Hush! is the fifth poem from my book, Welcome to the Sombre Days. The book is digitally available for pre-order on Kindle, and will be also available on paperback, both released on 9th March.Other poems in the collection are:

Dancing Queen
Fruitcake
The Best of Both Worlds
Applause

Hush!

The moment I was born,

I was told to seal my lips.

As a tiny toddler

I had no right to speak,

adults ignored whilst they played

the role of meteorologists:

Today’s a nice day,

lots of sun and no rain.

Headaches were like

being in a boring advertisement,

they glance at me: unsurprised,

they turn around and go on

with their stupid grown-up lives.

In the classroom I was a spectator:

a six-year old’s imaginative murmur

ceased by his teacher’s humiliating tone.

My words had no value:

I was transformed into a puppet,

my master stole the applause

whilst putting me back on the shelf.

Adults only cared

about blood, tangible pain

their eyes could see,

its deep red colour

churning in their stomach: responsibility.

I wove my pain into tears,

tears as fake as a crocodile’s.

Tears as powerful

as a witch’s concoction,

brewing guilt inside their heads:

guilt that cannot be washed away.

The crying role took control,

manipulation streamed on my face

in every instance I felt hurt.

***

All my childhood was an act

and I have no idea who I really was

and I have no idea who I really am.

Applause (Poem from Book)

The following poem is the fourth poem from my book, Welcome to the Sombre Days. The book is digitally available for pre-order on Kindle, and will be also available on paperback, both released on 9th March.Other poems in the collection are:

Dancing Queen
Fruitcake
The Best of Both Worlds

Applause

All eyes on me:

my charm distracts grown-ups

from the grim realities

of their mundane lives.

Tongue tied,

too shy.

Take out your cameras,

this is what I do best:

silly faces.

My spirit is God’s gift to you,

in my presence you feel ecstasy

produced by the holiest miracles.

When you turn away

I feel used – abused,

like a soft-toy

only cuddled

when you feel afraid –

now laying untouched

gathering dust.

Do what you want with me:

dress me-up,

pluck my hair.

I wish to imprint

a smile on your face,

affix your gaze:

you cannot live without me.

Pride is the foundation

of my fragile self-esteem:

clap for me until your hands bleed.

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The Best of Both Worlds (Poem from Book)

The following poem is the third poem to my book, Welcome to the Sombre Days. The book is digitally available for pre-order on Kindle, and will be also available on paperback, both released on 9th March. Other poems in the collection are Dancing Queen and Fruitcake (Poem from Book).

The Best of Both Worlds

I am a mummy’s girl,

you can find me

next to the chatty women of our street,

away from their men

and their couch-loving apathy.

Poor-sighted elders

glare at my straight, long hair,

they compliment my mother

on the prettiness of her daughter.

I enjoy being in the girls’ universe,

harmless compliments

fluttering around

endless conversations.

Boys exist in a distinct dimension,

they are encouraged

to hit harder in a fist fight,

to chase balls to the edge of the horizon.

If only their world

allowed for a little more fun

and less competition,

maybe then I would have a chance.

***

On the tiled floor of my cosy home

I lie with action figures and Barbie dolls,

enjoying my constructed fantasy

of where both worlds collide.