Lisa Mantchev's Blog, page 14

Green Thumb Fail

Every time I look out the window at the small(ish) fenced garden, I feel a massive amount of FAIL. I didn't maintain it this summer, due to incubating TinyDoom! and, I will admit, a complete disinterest in weeding, dirt, and the Great Outdoors in general. This is two part vicious allergies and one part of extreme laziness.

Which begs the question... what should I do with the flower beds this coming year???

Five years in the house, and I _know_ that despite my best intentions and my haphazard attention, the garden will be neglected. Should I dig out all the dirt and spread more gravel inside the enclosed/fenced space? We can't tear out the fence completely, because it keeps people from driving over the septic access thingamajigs. I'd put an above-ground pool in there, but that's not a good idea with the septic tanks just under (duh.) So what to do. What to dooooooooo?!

Koi pond? (Too much maintenance and we've killed four fish in bowls inside in as many years.)

Rock garden? (Tempting!)

Oversize torches and signs that read "This Way To Mordor"? (Heh.)

Irresolute

Beast: I want to do something for her, but what?

Cogsworth: Well, there's the usual things: flowers... chocolates... promises you don't intend to keep...

I've never been an Ebeneezer Scrooge about Christmas, but man, this year I am about... well... the New Year. I see entry after entry of resolutions for 2011, and I wish I could muster the same amount of vigor and enthusiasm and good intentions.

Instead, all I muster is a "bah" and a "humbug" uttered with Code Red Level Curmudgeonness.

See, I just finished hosting the holiday at my house, with two small children and the various family members in attendance. I sent gifts via email and mail. I decked the halls, trimmed the tree, wassailed, and all the other things expected of me. For the most part, I enjoyed it. But the sense of obligation that I feel pressing down upon me grows heavier every year, and I don't like the feeling of relief I experienced this morning when everyone who should have been out of the house was indeed departed, TinyDoom! was down for a nap, and it was just me, a cup of coffee, and some vanilla wafer cookies.

And I didn't want to complicate my utter sense of "aaaaah" with any "AAAAAAAH" or "EEP!" or "OMG!" Regardless of any resolutions made, there will be laundry done and meals cooked and writing accomplished, all with varying amounts of cheerfulness. I would like to exercise more and eat healthier, just like every other person on the planet, and yet I refuse to promise you that I will do so.

And yet...

By golly...

I feel left out just enough to evoke images of Charlie Bucket with his little nose pressed against the sweet store window, and so...

I hereby resolve to eat better and more dessert.  :)

 

Rainbow Bridge (again)

R.I.P. Jack London

1996-2010

Signal Boost for XCentricities

via Dan The Corset Guy (staple at NorwesCon and SteamCon!)

DARK DAY Announcement: We need your help please. 2010 has been difficult and just got painfully urgent. We have been told that we are going to be foreclosed on 12/31/2010 because we have fallen late on our payments. If such a foreclosure happens, it is likely this will end Xcentricities as a business...

I am not asking for a hand out - everyone here is in tight trouble. Your patronage in part may help. I am offering Facebook 2 for 1 gift certificates in any amount. You buy a $200 certificate - it's worth $400 in January and anytime beyond. If you buy a $25 certificate it's double to $50 as well. I hope we have been worthy servants to the world and hope you find us an asset worth preserving. I am asking most humbly could you please help us in this dark time. Contact Dan at at xcentricities2010@gmail.com for more details.

I appreciate you guys reading this.

Dan

please check the new www.Corset.net

***
My note: if you've ever considered purchasing a corset (for yourself! for a loved one!) do it now. This is a great deal on a wonderful product, never mind the good holiday karma of helping out a worthy vendor.

Burping the (Tupperware) Baby

So I might have mentioned on FaceBook a few days ago that TinyDoom! ended up in a Tupperware bin while I broke into my own house. *ahem*

Oldest Dog, hounded (har har) by the recently adopted shelter not-quite-puppy, has lately decided to wait for me to leave the house to do #2 in my kitchen. I can only assume he requires the peace and quiet of said whippersnapper secured in her kennel to take a dump, like an old man with a newspaper having consumed a bran muffin and prune juice waiting for everyone else to clear out of the house. So five minutes before I needed to leave to pick up the SugarBean from school, I booted him out in to the Poop Yard, following him with TinyDoom! under my arm to holler "You get out there and take a crap!"

Which was punctuated by the clicking of the locked door closing behind me.

Cue panic. Cue internal screams of "SHIT SHIT SHIT" because I should now be in the car headed toward the school. I have no way of calling them to say I will be late or my husband to inform him that I am stuck outside in the cold with a mildly perturbed baby under one arm, never mind that it's Swim Class Day and that it's not at all warm enough to sit outside for three hours until someone comes home wondering if I'm dead because they can't get me on the phone.

Spurred by desperation, I scooted around to the front of the house to put on my gardening boots (I was in my socks) and to try the front door... also locked. I checked the garage side door. Locked. I was tempted to set TinyDoom! down to reach up through the cat door, then decided against it. Circled the house looking for an unlocked window. Found the ONLY one, which was

1) above the kitchen sink

and 2) at head-height.

I mentally slapped myself and looked for a clean and safe place to put down the baby while attempting the window, and thanked my lucky stars that we had three large empty Tupperware storage bins stacked up on the front porch, leftover from packing up summer toys. I took the lid off and laid down the baby and tried not to snivel when he looked at me with big Harry-Potter-baby-who-lived eyes and began to wail "WHY AM I IN THIS BIN??? IT IS COLD! IT IS HARD! WAAAAAH!"

I then hoisted myself up on a small propane tank, doing my best not to step on the nozzle, and moved all the clean dishes and vitamin bottles and glassware from around the sink. Hoisted myself inside. Almost fell on the shelter puppy who was doing the Happy Dog Dance of "Yay, you're back! I totally missed you! Did you know the Tiny Mailman is in a bin on the back porch?" Ran to retrieve the baby and call the school and yell at my husband about spare keys and rekeying the locks to match and OMGWTFFLAIL.

But also... tiny bit of triumph, because I felt like a total cat burglar once I made it inside.

So there you have it. Aren't you glad I shared??

The halls, they are decked

Just trying to finish up the internet shopping for the bits, and I'll be ready for the holidays. And by holidays, I mean copy edits! *rubs hands together and stares at the driveway, waiting for FedEx*  Every year for the past three years, I've been doing something editorial over Christmas. It's now as much a tradition as hanging stockings and wrangling lights onto the tree.

And speaking of tree lights... *ptooooey* on the new LEDs we got this year. They look like tiny bright-white light sabers, which would be awesome, if we had Star Wars ornaments. But we don't. It's what I call Nonbreakable Hodgepodge... all things that neither the SugarBean nor the dogs can wreck, which means a lot of beads (garland and big wired flowers) metal (tiny signs, trains, Eiffel Towers) plastic (chandelier crystals) and lot of glitter-covered cardboard (feathers, keys, dragonflies and fairies) in red, black and gold.

Honestly, it looks like Santa urped decorative cheer all over my house, concluding with a piece of glitter I found stuck to TinyDoom!'s twinkus last night. I'd say we've reached some sort of Maximum Decorative Threshold when the baby has sparkling junk, no?

SteamCon Schedule

At the SeaTac Hilton/Marriott November 19th-21st. :)

Friday

Autograph Session
2:00 PM - 3:00 PM

Magic in Steampunk Writing
5:00 PM - 6:00 PM
How to have a marriage of magic and technology in your steampunk writing.
Lisa Mantchev (M), Caitlin Kittredge, Devon Monk

Saturday

What Makes a Novel Steampunk?
11:00 AM - Noon
Our panel of authors will debate if there is a prescribed list of requirements that go into a steampunk novel.
Lisa Mantchev (M), Elizabeth Darvill, Jay Lake, Devon Monk

Brass Cylinders (Reading)
4:30 PM - 5:00 PM

Sunday

From Page to Shelf
9:00 AM - 10:00 AM
Learn what is involved in the publication process.
Matthew Pizzo (M), Molly Lewis, Lisa Mantchev

Steampunk YA to Watch For
11:00 AM - Noon
What writers and new fiction should we be looking out for this year?
Lisa Mantchev (M), Devon Monk, Nick Valentino

Why Do I Need an Editor?
2:00 PM - 3:00 PM
What difference can an editor really make to a book?
Cat Rambo (M), Molly Lewis, Lisa Mantchev

Stop shaking your Twinkie in my face

I really hate bringing this up here, because I know some of my friends really love them, but guys, snack cakes are _shit_. They are nutritionally devoid of anything good for you. They are full processed ingredients and cancer-causing artificial dyes and high fructose corn syrup.

I also take umbrage with the name... these gastronomical horrors are no more "cake" than my car is a Rolls.

I don't like them. I don't eat them. AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU.

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Yeah, so now substitute "steampunk" for "snack cake" and maybe the rant makes more sense.

Newsflash, people: just because you don't like it, doesn't mean it's crap.

October is Adopt-A-Shelter-Dog Month...

So we did!

Welcome to the pack, Princess Aurora (aka Rory) who is a 9 month old Boxer mix.

In France, He's "Scoubidou"

Shaggy and Scooby are interesting characters. They're two of the most major characters in American literature. Because, and I mean this sincerely, and I think it's fantastic, because they are cowards. They are cowardly characters - they believe in cowardice and sandwiches... I mean, tell me now if you can think of any character (as great) ‘cause I'm willing to learn, but somebody mentioned Falstaff. A Shakespearean character! It's that level of greatness!

Eddie Izzard, Dress to Kill
I have to believe this is true, because the SugarBean is absolutely obsessed with Scooby Doo. This year's school supplies feature the bright pink and purple Scooby Doo backpack and the Mystery Machine lunchbox . We're hosting a Scooby Doo themed birthday party at the local bowling alley, and it's the first thing she goes for in the DVR when her homework is done.

But lo! I have learned Valuable Things About Writing from Scooby Doo. Behold! The SCOOBY DOO STORYTELLING CHECK LIST:

1) Invent a core group of characters. Make them quirky. Put the smart girl in glasses. Put the other girl in a short skirt.
2) Have them meet Someone With A Problem. Preferably a famous person from the 70s.
3) The guest star needs a) a friend or b) a nemesis
4) Person A or B needs to disappear when the CREATURE IN OOGIE BOOGIE MASK shows up. Pick from the following costumes:mummywerewolfphantomgoblingiant shark that manages to roam on landsparkly vampire5) Have the meddlesome kids... er... core group of characters run a lot. Cue scrolling backdrop of door! window! potted plant!"
6) Reveal them mummy/werewolf/phantom/goblin/man-eating shark thing is actually Person A or B. Strive for a "DUHN DUHN DUUUUUUHN!" moment here. And someone needs to actually pull the mask off while everyone else yells their name in surprise.

I am going to follow this checklist in my next novel and sell A BAZIIIIIIIILLION copies. Woot woot!