L.T. Marshall's Blog, page 34

Messages in our past.

So this is an unplanned post and sort of an inspirational one too.

It’s no secret that I had a disrupted childhood and even though I knew I have gone through real hard times, it isn’t until you see something from your past to yourself that it really hits home how far you have come.

When gutting out my work space yesterday, I came across my high school leaving book. Filled with signatures and memories from my time there. Lot’s of laughs and smiles as I flicked through pictures and messages from people who were at one point, my whole world. Right at the back was a certificate informing me of a poem I had published in an annual collection for young writers.

Now the odd thing is , I can’t actually remember what I had written, so long ago. I could only remember being included in the printed book, so it was a shock to me to read a message from my 15 year old self.

Hindsight is a crazy thing.

At 15, the outside world saw a zany, bubbly happy person. I was never emotional outwardly and I put on a face to show the world, always. I was known as quirky, fun, or giggly. My teachers saw a laid back and contented child.

It seems through my writing I was always honest though and no one picked up on it.

I could tell from one read exactly to what this poem referred too. I could recall the feelings and I was swept with sadness at seeing it. Sadness because not one single person read this entry , that knew me, questioned it. They just thought it was creative writing and I had a flair for the dramatic.

I am glad I did find it though, because I got a glimpse of how far I have come. How far I have healed and how deep I have buried a lot of scars so they never touch me. How much I have progressed and found my strengths.

I am hope – I was rock bottom at so many points that I felt like I was drowning in darkness. There were times I was so heavy I felt like the weight would crush me to death and my mind was a chaos of memories so real, they walked in my physical life.

Now I have days filled with light and genuine happy. No longer wearing masks, no longer hiding my real feelings. I have overcome so much, in an internal battle, a war so great and yet no one even knew it had gone on. My battlefield covered in ruins and blood and yet people only saw the calm.

If I can come this far then you can too. It’s never too late and there are people out here who care and understand. Don’t be silent like I was…. reach out. Find a voice, even if like me, it was through the written word. I have never been much of a poet but I did it, because of a school entry and here years later it’s like a letter to myself that reminds me how bloody amazing I am.

If you ever need someone to talk to then I offer my shoulder to cry on enquiries@ltmarshall.blog. I will never judge. I know what it is like to be a prisoner in your own mind xxx

[image error]

Carrero Week Kicks off with a Giveaway!

CARRERO WEEK
22nd October to 28th October

The Carrero Magazine is live!

 

I am so excited to announce the FREE Carrero Magazine , issue 1 is Live on ISSUU.

In this issue you get lots of Jake and Emma to add to your fan collection.

Bonus excerpt you won’t find anywhere else and interviews .

It’s fun packed and a great accompaniment for Carrero lovers.

You can buy a print version of this magazine too.

//e.issuu.com/embed.html#34418931/65090673

 

[image error]

Not all men……

I keep seeing posts, brave women coming forward to talk about this wave of ‘Men should be afraid’ BS I keep seeing.

I want to say something (big shock I know)

Please stop commenting ‘Not all men….’ on posts that are put up about assault, women living in fear. You just continue to silence something that has been going on for decades and whether you believe it or not , you are part of the issue. When someone posts about Men – they mean in general. Decent men do not need to be defended, they know it’s not about them. Just like when posts about the flaws of women are put up and we have the intelligence to know they mean – some women.

False accusation stats have not changed in 25 years – there is no new influx and it’s a method of applying victim hood so they do not need to face their behaviours.

There are more wrong murder allegations than sexual assault reports and no one is walking around saying – Oh my god you could be accused of murder, we should all be very afraid!!

98% of women HAVE been assaulted….maybe focus more on victims and not ‘potential accusations’. Deflection of the issue is something politicians are very good at and look how effectively they are making this about ‘poor men’

Women and men are worlds apart in terms of how they carry out everyday life. They carry different fears, different outlooks, different methods when going out and socialise based on their gender. We have been raised to normalise certain acts, we have raised our daughters to be fearful of every situation and our boys to not be.

We encourage men to travel and make the most of life, while we tell the girls it’s a dangerous world out there. You need to be more cautious, never be alone. Always watch your back, don’t talk to strange men. Don’t leave your drinks, don’t accept lifts, don’t stray into places alone. Police what you wear, what ‘impression’ you are giving off with your attire or make up.

Think about these things.

If in your heart you want to stand up and say ‘Not all men’ are you also someone who raises your girls to be extra careful? You may have sons that you are raising with decency and respect but I can bet your bottom dollar you yourself watch out in dark alleys, avoid certain areas, constantly aware as a woman, and raise your girls to be the same. Why? Because it may not be ALL men but it’s a huge percentage of the society we live in and danger comes in more forms than just sexual assault.

I have been followed, grabbed, groped, cat called, yelled at for daring to refuse men in bars. I was one of the many who could say #MeToo. I have met aggressive terrifying behaviours from men my whole life and it started very young with witnessing the cruelty and aggressive dominance they can have over us. I don’t go out thinking – ‘oooh what if a girl follows me, or a girl gets too close, or a girl gets the wrong idea. ‘ A woman knows how it feels and therefore, she is a friendly face if I am ever out alone.

I was raised to fear the abilities of men …yes even the innocent ones who just walk behind you on the street. In fact so many times I have been terrified of some random man walking behind me on a night walk home from work and worked myself into a panic, clutching my keys ready to defend myself and quickening my pace, just for him to cross the street last minute and wander off, oblivious to what he just made me feel. Then the stupid relief that I worked myself into fear, laughing it off but staying on edge, without even realising this was what I was raised to be like, by society. Instead of men being made to behave in a better way, we were told we had to take the precautions to not ‘bring it on ourself’. How many times have you seen a story in the paper – ‘Girl mugged in alley and left fearing for her life’ and instantly thought ‘Well she shouldn’t have been walking there alone!’. Admit it!! It’s almost a knee jerk reaction because you have been raised in rape culture and we are programmed to immediately victim shame rather than point fingers where it should be pointed. Usually men. We have been raised to take the blame and defend the actions of our menfolks. We have been programmed to think this is our fault, and we apply the same accusation to others when they speak out. ‘We asked for it.’

We do not ask for anything.

Now do not start the whole – women do this too. Yes they do, this is not about them and the percentage rates are considerably different. If they were more balanced then both genders would live in the same fear – but they do not.

Thing is, WE can teach our young men to think about their conduct in the way we teach girls to constantly fear. Ask them to walk a little further back, be aware of how they come across to girls when they are alone or vulnerable. Ask them to not harass women in bars after the rejection is given and respect the fact she isn’t there for your pleasure. Ask them not to get aggressive and say ‘F*** You, Lesbian.’ Teach them to handle rejection. Teach them about boundaries…that being friend-zoned by a girl doesn’t mean you ditch them (we are not here for the soul purpose of being your sex object). Teach them to stand up to their friends cat calling, making lewd or sexual comments. Teach them that in high school bullying a girl does not express that you fancy her. Teach them that pinging her bra is sexual assault. Teach them that they have control of their hormones even if a girl wears something revealing. Teach them that we are worthy of being protected and respected. Teach them not to spread rumours about girls they ‘banged’ like it’s a badge of manhood.

To those raising those sons – I applaud you. Decent men exist thanks to your efforts. Now we need them to stand up to their peers and point out that things need to change. Women are not willing to live this way anymore.

We want a future where we don’t raise our girls telling them – you must always be alert to the dangers from men.

Reverse the mentality – men should be raised to be aware of how they can make us feel safer.

XXX

Amazon update to book 8 !

If you remember on release day we discovered Amazon had sent out a flawed MS until about noon for The Carrero Contract – Amending Agreements.

We now can confirm an update has been pushed through to all customers who have bought the book.

[image error]

 

Amazon informed me that most of you should have gotten an email about it.

[image error]

If you did not, then do not fear.

Here is how to get your update –

To get your book 8 update – Go to your amazon account. Contents and devices, and locate ‘The Carrero Contract – Amending Agreements’

Under it should be an orange button – Update available.

[image error]

Click and a box appears for you to agree to the update.

After you do this – sync your kindle.

[image error]

 

Book Protectors for all you Book Lovers.

I recently made this video …

 

 

As promised – here is the link for the covers

http://www.woodfieldpublishing.co.uk/contents/en-uk/d65_clear-plastic-book-protectors.html

If you are buying them for your Carrero books, or Just Rose then you want the size as follows. 206/310 . The covers come with an instruction sheet on how to put them on your books.

[image error]

Enjoy Book Lovers xxx

[image error]

The Carrero Merch Shop

We have had a print shop for a little while, but this week some brand new designs have hit our shelves and I wanted to share them with you.. Even I have ordered myself some goodies to show my Love of Carrero!!

There is a permalink in the menu bar up there ….. [image error]

If you cannot see it then hit this.

[image error]   Merchandise Shop 

 

My absolute favourite item is this. The Carrero Bookcase tote bag (this design is on many items)

[image error]

Some more designs released this week…….

 

[image error]

[image error]

A Thank You To Bloggers.

I was browsing Facebook and Twitter last night as you do, and I was really disturbed to find a tweet that had been posted by a small time publisher which basically insulted bloggers and what they do.

[image error]

Now alarming as it is to find a publisher who has started shunning social media in general when they have a responsibility to market their authors, I was disgusted that they would dis an entire percentage of the book community with such a sweeping statement.

It got better- the comments kept coming and the smugness too.

This post is not about that though… It’s in light of this that I feel as an author and a publishing company director that I want to say this.

Bloggers – You do an amazing job and your exposure for writers has a massive impact. We cannot thank you enough xx

If you were one of the commenter’s on that post, then please ignore it. One persons ill informed opinion should not be taken seriously. Especially when delivered with such attitude.

You publicise books relentlessly. With passion and determination. You spend many hours reading and writing about the books you are involved with, sometimes running yourself ragged to meet deadlines and you are the unsung hero’s in the book community.

Indie authors galore rely on you to help spread the word in a market that is over saturated. That includes me.

Even if your audience is small, even if you are new and do not have many reviews. Your social media and tireless loyalty to helping is what makes this a great community and I have lost count of the amount of authors who praise blog tours.

You contribute to the searchability of books, the word of mouth and the exposure.

If a book isn’t selling it is not because you have not slogged your guts out to make it be seen. That is not on you.

My books hit the market in December 2016. I never knew one single blogger. I was not in book groups but I was a social media queen and busted my ass to be seen. A few months later, limping up in popularity and sales and doing well considering – I went to a book signing.

From that one signing I met a lot of bloggers who all frequent these events and secured myself some exposure because most if not all of you are lovely, and truly want to help. Within 2-3 months my sales quadrupled from blog exposure alone and pushed my books to best selling status and instantly recognisable among book groups. You propelled my books.

What this publisher fails to recognise is this – bloggers do not just blog. They push their reviews on many platforms and their reach can be very impressive, even with small audiences.

They passionately post in groups and on all forms of social media tirelessly.

Accumulating a response is not always immediate and as blogs never disappear, sometimes sales can build up over months it is unfair to critiscise a blogger for their reach or audience. They have way more accumulative audience than what you see on blogs.

I once stumbled upon a book review for a book, 4 months after it had been posted. By sheer accident, and on the review of that blog I bought the E book. I now own the paperback too.

Bloggers are also paying customers and passionate readers, they are the bread and butter to a lot of small Indie writers with no budget to push ads and paid tours.

Bloggers are in fact so important to the book community that all of the big 5 publishers sue them and send out frequent blog tour requests.

Do not doubt your worth or ask yourself if you have value. You do. More than you know , and I for one can testify that bloggers are a huge help to authors whether they are Trad or Indie published and should be recognised for that.

Much love to you and if you want to review my books, drop me a message LOL

 

 

 

 

An outsiders view of Camilla and Alexi

As a writer I always have my own vision and understanding of why my characters are the way they are and why they make the choices they do. I spend a lot of time researching Psychology as a hobby, which I combine with my own life experiences and that I know of friends who have confided in me. I have always been a people watcher, for my entire life and recognise, patterns , behaviours from a young age.

I feel like somehow this was all training to become the writer I am now and find it completely refreshing when a reader or someone working on the books has the same vision as me.

I asked my very trusted Team Member Rachel, who was proof reader on books 7 and 8 and also gave me her insight into the books, to write me a review that was a little more in depth to the ones posted on Amazon. Rachel was a huge part of the plot cleaning phase where I fix little issues that don’t sit right and she was also the idea behind Camilla’s first ‘throw things at Alexi’ scene.

BE AWARE THERE ARE SPOILERS ***********
This is her review. ( I cannot fault a single word)
The Carrero Contract – Amending Agreements.

As most Carrero fans have probably finished reading Book 8, I was asked to write an analysis review from a Beta/ proof-readers perspective. So here goes (please be aware these are my personal opinions and insights into this couple). Let’s get the obvious out of the way first. L.T. Marshall (aka Leanne) is an amazing author with a talent for telling hard-hitting stories about real life issues, she writes about topics that are, unfortunately, still quite taboo in today’s society. Her books are emotionally, frustrating and addictive.

With Alexi and Camilla’s story L.T. moved away from the businessman meets PR girl or friends turned lovers plot and ventured into something darker and more sinister, Mafia boss meets ex-prostitute. Having had the privilege of being part of the process of reading the original rough draft, giving Leanne help and support by making small suggestions with the story and then proof-reading the final copy I got to know the characters pretty well and feel like I understand the many layers of their personalities a little more. I have read many reviews of the first in this trilogy and I think the general consensus was that Alexi was a controlling, domineering and sadistic son of a bitch. Yes he was. And he was not much different in Book 8, a little softer and less aggressive towards Camilla, but still a bad bastard. However, he has his reasons. Now I know some of you reading this may think, whatever his reasons that’s no way to treat a woman. I agree, but on the other hand I also understand why he treated her that way. Just remember Camilla is no saint either. She also treated Alexi like shit some of the time, more so in Book 8, throwing things at him and calling him all sorts of names—name calling is still abuse, albeit verbal. So is it ok for Camilla to do it but not for Alexi? No, but again she has her reasons. You have to ask yourself why. Why are they this way? I would suggest that when you read any of Leanne’s books, you always keep the question of why in your head. Every time a character does something you don’t like, ask yourself why.

Now let’s get down to the nitty gritty of these two and their complex relationship. Both Alexi and Camilla are very lost broken souls. Many fans disliked Camilla for what she did to Sophie in Book 5, and I must admit I wasn’t much of a fan of hers myself, but I didn’t dislike her as I realised there was a reason for her behaviour and why she did what she did—self-preservation. She offered up girls to men as a way of saving herself from having to endure it. The way she did it was not right. We didn’t know much about Camilla in Book 7 so it’s easy to see from her actions why many hated her. However, with her story coming to light in this trilogy those same readers have done a complete U-turn and now like Camilla and are rooting for her. So you have to ask yourself why? What changed their minds about Camilla? Was it knowing a little more about her background, or because of the way Alexi treated her? Does knowing what people have been through help us understand them better? Of course it does, even the hardened among us can feel empathy towards another. Camilla suffered a horrendous childhood that began when her mother, a woman who should have nurtured, protected and loved her unconditionally, sacrificed her innocence for her own gain. In that one moment Camilla’s trust was irrevocably broken. And things only got worse. Trust is very hard to regain once it’s been breached. Throughout her childhood Camilla suffered more abuse at the hands of men, more details of which you will find out in Book 9 and Alexi’s POV. But the fact remains, her trust in anyone, men in particular, was gone. After enduring what she did in Book 7 at Alexi’s hand just exacerbated that lack of trust. So when I see people’s comments about Book 8 saying: Alexi is trying so hard, why can’t she see what is in front of her, it’s obvious he loves her, she should be throwing herself at him and take what he’s offering. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth type of thing. Camilla has a long road ahead before she can think about trusting anyone fully. She tried with Alexi in Book 7 and look where that got her. Camilla turned her abuse around and used it for her own gain. She, basically, became an abuser, not in the literal sense but she allowed girls to be used by men which is never ok, but again self-preservation. She got the chance to turn her life around with Alexi and become someone, and yes she started to trust him a little and even fell for him; that backfired, big time.

Now put yourself in Camilla’s shoes and answer this one question, if you had suffered horrific abuse, not only as a child but also as an adult, and then suffered again at the hands of a man you thought was going to give you what you’d always craved, a home, a job and be someone who cared for you and made you feel like you mattered in this world, would you trust him? He betrayed her in more ways than one. The demons from your past may fade but they never disappear, they are always in the back of your mind, and it only takes one trigger to bring them to the forefront. This is what Alexi did. He used her triggers and fears against her, used sex to punish and emotional and verbal threats to break her down further, to the point she tried to kill herself (he had no idea of the extent of the damage he was doing until that very last scene). Would you throw yourself at him and forgive just because he showed a side of him that could be softer; A side that is less aggressive than what you’ve seen of him and believe him to be. He manipulated and twisted everything Camilla trusted in the past, therefore that trust is once again broken. That is not easily rectified. Sorry just doesn’t cut it. Camilla couldn’t just fall at his feet and forgive what he did—Again self-preservation. She first needed to learn not to fear him, be able to stand up to him and then finally learn to trust him. We saw glimpses of this in Book 8. She doesn’t fear him as much; this is partly due to his change in demeanour around her, which confuses the hell out of her as she just doesn’t understand why the sudden change in him. We know he was falling for her, but she has never had anyone who actually cared for her let alone love her, so she doesn’t know what it looks like. She doesn’t recognise his feelings towards her, she just thinks he’s being weird and it’s part of his manipulation game again. She has also started standing up to him more—Go Camilla, get that feisty, sassy independence back, girl.

This brings me to Alexi. Alexi is a cold-hearted, domineering, controlling son of a bitch. He keeps everyone, except a select few, at arm’s length, which I believe, much like Camilla, is for self-preservation. Alexi’s story is not all sunshine and roses either. He too has his issues dating back to childhood, some of which were revealed in Books 7 & 8. His own story is complex and not an altogether happy one, again more will be revealed in Book 9 and especially his POV. Some say he is a sadistic and twisted bastard, bordering on psychopath. Yes he displays some psychopathic behaviour. Being pushed away and constant rejection by his mother, again someone who should have loved him unconditionally, from an early age, followed by the traumatic event in his teens had a profound effect on him. The shooting incident at the age of 13 found his mother severing ties with him for a length of time. Shunning is a silent and devious form of psychological torture which is on-going. It is designed to hurt and make you believe that you are completely unlovable, and always will be; in a word it is abuse.

Psychopaths lack emotion or only experience shallow emotions. They can’t form strong bonds with others. They are callous and lack empathy. They are cunning and manipulative. They display antisocial behaviours (often illegal). They can be impulsive and have promiscuous sexual behaviour. I’ve just described Alexi, right? But there’s a big difference, and we have evidence of this in Book 8, and I’m sure there’s more to come. Alexi does show emotion, he can feel empathy. We have seen that he has strong bonds to members of his family, and females he considers family. He has changed towards Camilla and is less callous and manipulative; he is showing her a side to him that most don’t get to see. Those are not the traits of a psychopath. Again there are many reasons for Alexi’s behaviour which will be revealed in the coming books. I feel with both characters their behaviour comes down to the nature-nurture debate. Camilla was not nurtured; she was not cared for or loved and only used as an object. She was used by her mother and men, and also rejected by her father later in life. You don’t just ‘get over’ that overnight. You have to learn to deal with it and find a way to live with it. Alexi … nature or nurture? Psychopathic tendencies can be innate, there are more people with these traits then we realise. However it can be environmental factors which bring them to fruition. A chaotic and violent upbringing can tip the scales for those already predisposed to behave psychopathically. Brain anatomy, genetics and a person’s environment can all contribute to the development of such traits. Alexi has been conditioned from what he experienced as a child and the horrors he sees in his line of work, so I feel with him it’s a bit of both (now I know the nature/ nurture debate has been on-going since the beginning of time and some may disagree with me, but like I said, these are my opinions).

So let’s talk about what we do know, or don’t know …

Alexi’s knew of Camilla and her reputation before he ‘bought’ her. He saw her as a cold, calculating manipulator who used sex and the exploitation of young girls for her own gain. Kind of like him in a dress. When he installed her in his club this is the impression he had of her, and in his eyes ‘A leopard never changes its spots’. So even though she never gave him any reason to doubt her or to not trust her, this is exactly what happened. His issues with trust and forming bonds with people had a huge impact on the way he treated her. After the cliff-hanger ending of Book 7 many people expressed their severe dislike of Alexi, some even saying they hated him. Most of these have now done a complete U turn and now love Alexi or are warming towards him. So what changed? And why is Camilla not throwing herself at him? She’s on to a winner, right?

Well, we know Alexi spent four months looking for Camilla. Even though she frustrated the crap out of him and he didn’t really trust her, he still felt the need to protect her. He was relieved when she finally came back to the club. However, he knew if she was to stay this time things had to change and he did try hard. He was afraid to touch her, in case she went crazy, after all she did hurl a load of objects at him when he first laid eyes on her again. She has called him a psychotic sociopath amongst other unsavoury names. He still has that underlying aggression, he is impulsive and can be reckless, all tied up with his memory of being unlovable. She told him often enough that it was never going to happen between them, so when she rejects him in Miami, he goes nuts. With her continued rejection he wasn’t going to just reveal his feelings for her straight off, through fear of her running a mile. This makes his job of showing her that he can be someone she can trust harder. He needed to show her a different side to him, gain her trust little by little, prove to her that he can be someone she can love and be with, and in doing so he broke down some of the walls surrounding his own heart. He has to learn how to be a different person for her; he’s not going to have a personality transplant overnight. Camilla can see the change in him, but like always doesn’t trust it. She fears he’s trying to manipulate her again. But sex wasn’t Alexi’s goal this time, just having her close where he can protect her and keep her safe was enough. But Camilla grew up not knowing how or what love should look and feel like. She is still that terrified kid in fear of being used again. She was burned the first time she trusted him and revealed her feelings—once bitten and all that. It took a long time for her to come to the realisation that she still loved him and the fear of losing him completely is what made her give herself to him at the end. That gave Alexi a glimmer of hope that she did still love him and he may be in with a chance, yet her lack of trust made her regret it instantly and run. Which is why he told her he loved her, he couldn’t lose her again. He’s trying to cement that trust for her.

I have seen many people asking Leanne what happened to make Alexi change. Why is he being nicer to Camilla? When will we find out? Well, all I can say is … Read between the lines. Leanne is very adept at hiding little subtleties in her books that many people miss. Remember the film The Sixth Sense? How many of you saw that film and when it came to the end said ‘OMG, I never even noticed’. The signs were all there. The fact the guy never interacted with anyone apart from the boy, he and his wife didn’t seem to talk anymore, the basement door was always locked when he tried it, and his wife was always cold when he was around. He was dead. Now go back and watch it again, you will see the signs and wonder how you missed them first time around. Book 8 is like that film. There are signs that reveal more than what’s on the surface. Go back and re-read, slower, and you may spot them. If not, Oh well, I guess you’ll just have to wait until Book 9 and Alexi’s POV. There are great things ahead.

 

 

 

Memory recall in assault.

I have been following with great passion the Ford sexual assault case this past week and really, it has broken my heart on so many levels.

I could address the million and one things in that case which support why and what I think but I am not going to do that here. Everyone is entitled to choose what they believe, that is your right as long as you do not put it in a nasty and cruel way and aim direct hate at someone for it. The thing is though, one point really, really peeved me off to the max and was repeated continuously by not only people on social media, but prominent people in government.

Ford’s memory recall.

Accusing her of lying because she could not place details of the assault after 36 years. I most commonly saw the remark ‘you would never forget that.’

I am here to tell you that you are wrong.

I am someone who has attracted victims and survivors of abuse my whole life. I have my own stories and I am somewhat of an advocate among my readers. I write about the effects of abuse in my whole entire series and my inbox and groups are a safe place for my female readers to talk it out and support one another. I encourage women to not live in shame and silence and they trust me enough to tell me their stories. 70% of these women have never reported or told anyone of these things until they met me.

Even just Rose has abuse aspects.

Why?

Because it is something I know about, am passionate about and the amount of people drawn to me who trust me enough to divulge their secrets only widens my experience too. I have lived through so many things that never show on my outward persona. I have a passion to make a difference and stop future generations of our daughters from suffering the same way we have.

I understand from the other side when I see things like this go public.

I am not here to debate the statistics on false claims against real, but i can assure you that it’s so minuscule a percentage that you only harm genuine victims by repeating that. You are doing a huge disservice to the many victims of assault out there who are in fear of speaking out. Stop doing that.

Okay, back to the point. Here’s the memory thing – buckle up , it might get rough.

Post-traumatic stress disorder
Main article:  Post traumatic stress disorder

PTSD is an anxiety disorder caused by exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal involving the occurrence or threat of physical harm. It is one of the most severe and well-known of the different types of psychological trauma, mostly due to its prevalence in war veterans. It can manifest itself as early as after the first year of life. The stress of PTSD can have severe effects on the hippocampus, causing problems with transferring short-term to long-term memory. There is no one way that patients’ memories are affected by PTSD, as shown by a variety of studies. Typically symptoms include avoidance of reminders of the traumatic event or mention thereof, irritability, trouble sleeping, emotional numbness and exaggerated reactions to surprises. One of the most common and powerful symptoms, is the recurrence of random intense memories from the event (intrusive thoughts). This can manifest itself in different ways such as flashbacks of the event and unwanted thoughts about the trauma (e.g. “why did this happen to me?”). PTSD patients who have gone through different traumatic experiences will have small variances in their symptoms, mostly insignificant. For example, PTSD patients who were rape victims will have aversion to words such as touch and dirty while patients who were in a fire or war experience will respond similarly to words like burn or fight.

PTSD is what most women of assault suffer. There are many levels of it and one of it’s most defining factors is this.

“Memory disturbances are predominant in the presentation of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and are part of the diagnostic criteria.1 The re-experiencing symptom criteria of PTSD include intrusive memories of the traumatic event, and the avoidance symptom criteria include the inability to recall important aspects of the trauma”

That’s from a an actual PTSD review document from the US National Library of Medicine

National Institutes of Health.

I am not going to delve into the biology or the mechanics of it, but trust me when I say the above findings are documented and any therapist or psychologist worth their weight will testify it to being factual.

It is hugely common for a women to be able to recall smell, sight, feel of her attacker, yet not what she even wore that day or what day of the week it was.

I have testimony of dozens of women inside my brain, some in emails, some in messenger where they too cannot recall the details needed to ‘prove’ they were attacked.

Does this mean they imagined it ?

No this means the human brain did what it does when met with a real trauma. It put all its energy into the traumatic event, made it stand out enough to affect you for a lifetime and didn’t ponder on the little details.

The part of your brain which recalls physical memory (physical acts) is not the same part which recalls mundane memories – details, observation of where you are , when it is.

So in trauma the part being stimulated is the part recording a physical act of trauma. While the other details can and often will blur to vagueness, where we can only guess what day it was, what age we were.

There are studies showing the memory part of your brain can actually shrink after a traumatic event and is common in PTSD suffers. A physical change to your brains ability to remember.

Not all women lose memories around an act, yet a lot do. Not all women are prone to PTSD either.

This does not mean her account is false. In fact she lines up with a lot of PTSD sufferers worldwide and it only further validates that this woman, repeatedly seeing therapists through out her life, could not forget what happened – is a sufferer of PTSD.

Caused by a sexual assault.

If she truly wanted to hang the man, make her account more solid. She could have researched the bones out of her story and pinpointed certain details about parties etc. Used dates and places and a guest list of people.

Usually in false accusation claims these are all details that are very present and over explained. Usually inflated over the top accounts of details actually. With very little vagueness.

If you look through the media for recorded account of charges being reversed from false claims you will find a pattern – the victim was believed because of an enormous amount of memory recall, fine details and explicit detailing of the entire event, and surrounding facts. These are called ‘evidence’ and you need a lot of them to put an innocent man in jail. That’s why it doesn’t happen very often,

Who wouldn’t believe that , right?

Ford had nothing except her traumatic memory and blurry details of the surroundings – a pattern of a real victim who only wanted to be truthful about her recall.

Ford thought the truth would be enough.

A naivety that justice would prevail because she was being honest.

So next time you hear a woman or man give testimony to an act and they cannot recall the mundane details, the non physical aspect of the trauma, take a moment to think of the fact that this is true of many legitimate victims worldwide and this person is suffering.

Take a moment to apply the logic of liars – liars usually over detail. They usually add exaggerations and will leave no detail missed out. They will be either so convincing you have no doubts, OR so overly confident in their fantasy that you will pick holes in the testament from the sheer unbelievable facts they have woven in.

It’s documented in fact, in many, many psychology reports. Not to say someone with perfect memory recall is a liar, do not confuse the two.

I have never met someone with a vague testimony to a memory due to PTSD, ever found out to be lying.

Just because it is not YOUR experience, does not mean it is not someone’s experience.

Humans are terrible for not being able to think outside of their own experiences.

A really eye opening article on PTSD and its effects on memory.

– https://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/memory/understand/post_traumatic_stress_disorder.shtml

If you want the statistic on false reports I couldn’t sum it up better than this guy –

https://www.facebook.com/TYTBreakdown/videos/327919274424448/UzpfSTEwMDAwMjA0NzQwNjI3NToxOTI0MjIyODg3NjU1OTM5/

Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts today xx