Angela Ackerman's Blog: Writers Helping Writers, page 170

Physical Attributes Entry: Knees

By Memphre via Wikimedia Common

Physical description of a character can be difficult to convey--too much will slow the pace or feel 'list-like', while too little will not allow readers to form a clear mental image. If a reader cannot imagine what your character looks like, they may have trouble connecting with them on a personal level, or care about their plight. 



One way to balance the showing and telling of physical description is to showcase a few details that really help 'tell the story' about who your character is and what they've been through up to this point. Think about what makes them different and interesting. Can a unique feature, clothing choice or way they carry themselves help to hint at their personality? Also, consider how they move their body. Using movement will naturally show a character's physical characteristics, keep the pace flowing and help to convey their emotions.

 

Descriptors: dimpled, wrinkled, knobby, bulging, scabbed, scraped, scarred, hairy, lumpish, chapped, blotchy, freckled, knotted, dry, smooth, cracked, leathery, creaking, popping, grinding, arthritic, bandaged, weak, soft, rough, swollen



Things Knees Do:



Bend: stiff; rapid; awkwardly; painfully

Stiffen: clench; tighten; support; strengthen

Give out: tremble and release, causing collapse; momentarily weakness which causes a hitch and catch



Key Emotions and Related Knee Movements:


Fear: loosen, tremble, clench together, bring knees up to core, making oneself smaller & less noticeable


Unease: rubbing or stroke knees to soothe, gripping knees with hands, moving knees, shifting the body, picking at scabs to take mind off of feeling


Excitement: stiffen, tighten, lock


Relief: weaken, loosen, soften, sag, give out



Simile & Metaphor help:


Bony: Her bulging knees creaked as she sat, a knobby reminder of her ski accident.


Dry: Her pinched knees lined up just below her dress hem, white and chapped like she'd knelt in chalk.



Clichés to Avoid:

knees knocking together; knees giving out as a prelude to uncontrollable weeping



HINT: When describing any part of the body, try to use cues that show the reader more than just a physical description. Make your descriptions do double duty.


Example: The old man wore a faded Army cap and walked like his joints pained him. With every step, his knees strained and groaned, trying to hold their weight. Like soldiers carrying too-heavy packs, they struggled gamely on, doing the only thing they knew to do.



BONUS TIP: The Colors, Textures & Shapes Thesaurus in our sidebar might help you find a fresh take on some of the descriptors listed above! 

Jodie Renner on Uncluttered Prose

Today I'm at SEEKERVILLE, a supportive Writing Community that is celebrating their 5th birthday. They kindly invited me to join in the celebration, so I hope after you're finished today's post on tight prose you might drop in (and maybe WIN a copy of The Emotion Thesaurus!) I'm posting on Reader Empathy: Catch It & Keep It.



While I'm there, author and Freelance Editor Jodie Renner is bringing us a lesson in prose tightening! Jodie specializes in thrillers, romantic
suspense, mysteries, and other crime fiction, as well as YA, mainstream
and historical fiction. I know this can be a trouble area, especially during action scenes where there's a lot of body movement and emotions being conveyed. So please read on to see the before and after as Jodie gets rid of words to distill meaning!






SMOOTH OUT THAT CLUNKY, CLUTTERED PHRASING


 by Jodie Renner, freelance editor, @JodieRennerEd



One of my main jobs as a fiction editor is to teach novelists how to streamline their writing and take out all those little words cluttering up their prose, getting in the way of meaning, slowing down the pacing, and impeding reader enjoyment of the story.



For many writers, it takes practice to break old business or academic writing habits and learn to write in a more casual, to-the-point, compelling way for fiction. Many of my newbie novelist clients are highly educated professionals, so they especially have to unlearn overly correct, formal writing habits.



Here’s a short example of overly erudite writing, from a novel I edited years ago, with the name changed:



Before: Jason recommenced after the abrupt interruption, with a scowl in the direction of its origin.



After: Jason scowled at the interruption, then continued.



As the editor, I suggested the “after” rewording, then commented in the margin, about my suggestion: “Less wordy, more direct. No need to say “abrupt interruption,” as an interruption is by nature abrupt. And it’s a given that his scowl would be in the direction of the origin of the interruption.”



Here are more examples of taking out unnecessary words for better flow. I’ve adapted them from my editing, but changed the names and details to provide anonymity for the writers. Of course there are often several different ways to pare a sentence down, and these are just possible solutions.



Before: She looked quickly down the narrow street in the direction they had come.



After: She glanced back down the narrow street.



Before:
“Excuse us for a moment,” Gordon said, through clenched teeth. When they were far enough from the group so they could speak without being heard, he whispered, “What the hell are you doing?



After:
“Excuse us for a moment,” Gordon said, through clenched teeth. When they were out of earshot, he whispered, “What the hell are you doing?"



Before: Charles grabbed her arm and pulled her bodily to the edge of the street out of the path of the oncoming car.



After: Charles yanked her out of the path of the oncoming car.





 Before:
As soon as Chris started to rise, Nathan saw it as an indication he was going to follow, and started off back in the direction of the elevator, this time worrying less about his silence and more about haste.



After:
As soon as Chris started to rise, Nathan turned and hurried toward the elevator.





Before:
The car drove slowly through the large complex heading in the direction of a secluded building at the back of the facility. It was located on the shore of the river. The vehicle came to a stop next to the entrance to the building.



After:
They drove slowly through the large complex toward a secluded building by the river and stopped next to the entrance.



Before:
The General was red with fury, his face contorted and looking more like a grotesque mask than being part of a human face. He made no effort to respond.



After:
The General was red with fury, his face contorted like a grotesque mask. He made no effort to respond.



 Before:
As Brad spoke, Katelyn raised up the small burlap shoulder bag she had been wearing since they left the apartment, shaking it to ensure that Gerry would see it—the documents and electronic storage devices that it contained jostling around in its disorganized interior.



 After:
As Brad spoke, Katelyn raised her shoulder bag in the air, shaking it so Gerry could see it, causing the documents and electronic storage devices to jostle around inside.



Before:
Kevin looked quickly back at Tyler, who dropped his arm holding the gun and gave a purposeful glance first to his left and then his right. He looked back in their direction, stared fiercely for a moment, and began walking calmly, slowly, towards them.



After:
Kevin looked back at Tyler, who lowered the gun and glanced both ways. He looked back at them, glared at them for a moment, then began walking slowly towards them.



You Be the Editor:
It’s your turn. Here are five more unrelated cluttered sentences. Can you help us smooth them out? Choose two or three to declutter, then give us your suggestions in the comments, and Jodie will choose one winner to receive the Kindle version of her Style that Sizzles & Pacing for Power e-book, and two more winners to receive a free PDF of the book. (You don’t need a Kindle to read their e-books, by the way – you can read them on your PC.) Thanks, and have fun slashing!




1. “You must never touch anything in this room if I don’t tell you to or if I haven’t given permission,” he said.




2. Donna glanced up at the imposing house and examined the ornate façade of the residence.




 3. Derek looked over at her as well, a questioning expression painted across his face.




4. Jack stared incredulously at the man. He felt bile rush into his throat as his unbridled hatred surged into his conscious mind.




5. “So you killed Daniel too,” Linda spat, her emotions instantly changing from fearfulness to more aggressiveness. If she had a weapon, she would kill the man right then and there.






Ha, I tell you after writing The Emotion Thesaurus, I am itching to get rid of those telling emotions and instead make the emotional showing more prominent, and I bet you guys are too! Can't wait to see what you come up with!



You can find Jodie at her website or group blog, Crime Fiction Collective. Her ebooks, Writing a Killer Thriller and Style that Sizzles & Pacing for Power are part of her An Editor's Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction Series.


GIVEAWAY HAS ENDED--CONGRATS TO THE WINNERS!

Jodie Renner on Uncluttered Prose

Today I'm at SEEKERVILLE, a supportive Writing Community that is celebrating their 5th birthday. They kindly invited me to join in the celebration, so I hope after you're finished today's post on tight prose you might drop in (and maybe WIN a copy of The Emotion Thesaurus!) I'm posting on Reader Empathy: Catch It & Keep It.



While I'm there, author and Freelance Editor Jodie Renner is bringing us a lesson in prose tightening! Jodie specializes in thrillers, romantic
suspense, mysteries, and other crime fiction, as well as YA, mainstream
and historical fiction. I know this can be a trouble area, especially during action scenes where there's a lot of body movement and emotions being conveyed. So please read on to see the before and after as Jodie gets rid of words to distill meaning!






SMOOTH OUT THAT CLUNKY, CLUTTERED PHRASING


 by Jodie Renner, freelance editor, @JodieRennerEd



One of my main jobs as a fiction editor is to teach novelists how to streamline their writing and take out all those little words cluttering up their prose, getting in the way of meaning, slowing down the pacing, and impeding reader enjoyment of the story.



For many writers, it takes practice to break old business or academic writing habits and learn to write in a more casual, to-the-point, compelling way for fiction. Many of my newbie novelist clients are highly educated professionals, so they especially have to unlearn overly correct, formal writing habits.



Here’s a short example of overly erudite writing, from a novel I edited years ago, with the name changed:



Before: Jason recommenced after the abrupt interruption, with a scowl in the direction of its origin.



After: Jason scowled at the interruption, then continued.



As the editor, I suggested the “after” rewording, then commented in the margin, about my suggestion: “Less wordy, more direct. No need to say “abrupt interruption,” as an interruption is by nature abrupt. And it’s a given that his scowl would be in the direction of the origin of the interruption.”



Here are more examples of taking out unnecessary words for better flow. I’ve adapted them from my editing, but changed the names and details to provide anonymity for the writers. Of course there are often several different ways to pare a sentence down, and these are just possible solutions.



Before: She looked quickly down the narrow street in the direction they had come.



After: She glanced back down the narrow street.



Before:
“Excuse us for a moment,” Gordon said, through clenched teeth. When they were far enough from the group so they could speak without being heard, he whispered, “What the hell are you doing?



After:
“Excuse us for a moment,” Gordon said, through clenched teeth. When they were out of earshot, he whispered, “What the hell are you doing?"



Before: Charles grabbed her arm and pulled her bodily to the edge of the street out of the path of the oncoming car.



After: Charles yanked her out of the path of the oncoming car.





 Before:
As soon as Chris started to rise, Nathan saw it as an indication he was going to follow, and started off back in the direction of the elevator, this time worrying less about his silence and more about haste.



After:
As soon as Chris started to rise, Nathan turned and hurried toward the elevator.





Before:
The car drove slowly through the large complex heading in the direction of a secluded building at the back of the facility. It was located on the shore of the river. The vehicle came to a stop next to the entrance to the building.



After:
They drove slowly through the large complex toward a secluded building by the river and stopped next to the entrance.



Before:
The General was red with fury, his face contorted and looking more like a grotesque mask than being part of a human face. He made no effort to respond.



After:
The General was red with fury, his face contorted like a grotesque mask. He made no effort to respond.



 Before:
As Brad spoke, Katelyn raised up the small burlap shoulder bag she had been wearing since they left the apartment, shaking it to ensure that Gerry would see it—the documents and electronic storage devices that it contained jostling around in its disorganized interior.



 After:
As Brad spoke, Katelyn raised her shoulder bag in the air, shaking it so Gerry could see it, causing the documents and electronic storage devices to jostle around inside.



Before:
Kevin looked quickly back at Tyler, who dropped his arm holding the gun and gave a purposeful glance first to his left and then his right. He looked back in their direction, stared fiercely for a moment, and began walking calmly, slowly, towards them.



After:
Kevin looked back at Tyler, who lowered the gun and glanced both ways. He looked back at them, glared at them for a moment, then began walking slowly towards them.



You Be the Editor:
It’s your turn. Here are five more unrelated cluttered sentences. Can you help us smooth them out? Choose two or three to declutter, then give us your suggestions in the comments, and Jodie will choose one winner to receive the Kindle version of her Style that Sizzles & Pacing for Power e-book, and two more winners to receive a free PDF of the book. (You don’t need a Kindle to read their e-books, by the way – you can read them on your PC.) Thanks, and have fun slashing!




1. “You must never touch anything in this room if I don’t tell you to or if I haven’t given permission,” he said.




2. Donna glanced up at the imposing house and examined the ornate façade of the residence.




 3. Derek looked over at her as well, a questioning expression painted across his face.




4. Jack stared incredulously at the man. He felt bile rush into his throat as his unbridled hatred surged into his conscious mind.




5. “So you killed Daniel too,” Linda spat, her emotions instantly changing from fearfulness to more aggressiveness. If she had a weapon, she would kill the man right then and there.






Ha, I tell you after writing The Emotion Thesaurus, I am itching to get rid of those telling emotions and instead make the emotional showing more prominent, and I bet you guys are too! Can't wait to see what you come up with!



You can find Jodie at her website or group blog, Crime Fiction Collective. Her ebooks, Writing a Killer Thriller and Style that Sizzles & Pacing for Power are part of her An Editor's Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction Series.

Twitter, Writing Resources & Clichés

I love Twitter. I think it's because I really enjoy connecting with people who are passionate about their writing and it gives me a way to share all the cool writing articles, tools and resources I discover. Every day I read posts where writers offer insight on some aspect of craft, and it's amazing to read. I learn new things all the time, and man, I want to share them! So, Twitter is my tool to pass things along on the conveyor belt of knowledge.



The funny thing is that I didn't always 'get' Twitter.  In fact, I joined up because the super talented Courtney Summers was talking about it one day on her blog and I figured I'd check it out. I started up an account and...did not see why I would want type in a sentence about how bored I was or what TV show I watched or how my dog barfed on the chaise lounger (again). Back then in 2008, Twitter was still just figuring itself out, and hadn't really started to claim its power as a personal network builder and information highway. So, I did what a lot of people do...took a look around and left.



Fast forward two years. I tried it again, and this time, I GOT IT! Hurray for Angela! Everything became easier--I found information quicker, I met and connected with people in a fun way, and it pushed me into the bigger world of writers and creative types, not just those who wrote what I wrote. I found Twitter so valuable I started a second account. @AngelaAckerman is where I chit chat and post writing articles and @WriterThesaurus became my niche account to tweet links to really unusual resources and tools that made great writing aids. Twitter was the perfect way to 'collect' all these creative and informative resources I've stumbled on over the years. Now, my @WriterThesaurus account is closing on almost 400 TWEETS!  



That's a lot of cool writing resources and tools!



But, 400 tweets is also a lot to sift through, so, I figured a few 'themed' post might help organize my finds! Recently I posted on my friend Shannon O'Donnell's blog, Book Dreaming, sharing Motivating Tools to Keep Your Writer's Butt In The Chair. And today my friend Martina Boone at Adventures in YA & Children's Publishing is helping me share Links for YA & Kidlit Writers (and Teachers!) So, if either of these might help you, swing by and have a look. If you like them, pass them on so more people will discover these sites!



I'm also visiting Book Blather today, home of YA author Marilee Brothers, who is one of the nicest people you will ever meet. I'm discussing clichés there (and offering a small excerpt of The Emotion Thesaurus too!) I hope you'll stop in!




Tell me, have you discovered a strange/cool/neat/helpful writing tool or resource? If so, let me know in the comments--I love finding new sites to visit!

Physical Attribute Thesaurus: Hands

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Physical description of a character can be difficult to convey—too much will slow the pace or feel 'list-like', while too little will not allow readers to form a clear mental image. If a reader cannot imagine what your character looks like, they may have trouble connecting with them on a personal level, or caring about their plight. 



One way to balance the showing and telling of physical description is to showcase a few details that really help 'tell the story' about who your character is and what they've been through up to this point. Think about what makes them different and interesting. Can a unique feature, clothing choice or way they carry themselves help to hint at their personality? Also, consider how they move their body. Using movement will naturally show a character's physical characteristics, keep the pace flowing and help to convey their emotions.







HANDS




Descriptors: stubby, masculine, feminine, arthritic, knobby, clawed, elegant, manicured, rough, calloused, pale, gnarled, smooth, greasy, dirt-creased, fat, strong, limp, dimpled, veined, liver-spotted, bony, sweaty, slick, soft, skilled, shaky, graceful, rigid, scarred, freckly, open, closed, clenched, gentle, bejeweled, uncertain, weak, wrinkled, lined, smooth





Things Hands Do (and other words/phrases to describe those actions)


Hold: grasp, grip, squeeze, bruise, clutch, clasp
Tremble: quiver, shake, flutter, fidget, bounce, quake, tremor
Gesture: flap the air, point, wave, dismiss others, shoo, slap, giving a thumbs up or ok sign, clap
Connect with Others: shake hands, slap on the back, hold hands, squeeze a shoulder, pat a knee, rest approvingly on a child's head, stroke hair



Key Emotions and Related Hand Gestures: 




Anger: slap, punch, strike, hit, shake, clench, curl, pound, slam, push, shove, rip, tear, destroy, kill, choke, grab
Happiness: exuberant gestures, holding others, waving and flapping
Worry: fidget, wring, flap, twist, flit
Fear: shake, tremble, quiver, held out in front



Simile and Metaphor Help:                             



Elegant: Her long-fingered hands wrapped primly around the pitcher, two genteel ladies holding court at tea time.
Knobby: His hands were knobby and twisted—more like sea coral than human flesh and bone.




Clichés to Avoid : man hands, hands that look skeletal or spider-like, fists clenched in anger with nails biting into the palms





HINT: When describing any part of the body, try to use cues that show the reader more than just a physical description. Make your descriptions do double duty. Example: 

We girls called him The Octopus, because of his hands. They were rubbery and cold and seemingly everywhere at once.




BONUS TIP: The Colors, Textures & Shapes Thesaurus in our sidebar might help you find a fresh take on some of the descriptors listed above! 

Shannon Messenger: Writing 'Kid' Voice

I am so pleased to welcome Shannon Messenger to the blog today! Shannon is a wonderfully supportive writer who is doing big things in the kid lit world.



Not only is book 1 of her MG series, Keeper of the Lost Cities(Simon & Schuster) releasing Oct 2nd, but she also has a YA coming out in the Spring of 2013, Let The Sky Fall. AHHH! I am so thrilled to see her reach her dreams!



Shannon's got some great advice here about Voice in Kidlit, so please read on.




~ ~  *  ~ ~


Yay--I'm so excited to be here!

I've been a huge fan of this blog for years, so it's such an honor to contribute. Here's hoping I can live up to the amazingness of the other posts you guys are used to reading.



I thought I'd talk today about writing kid voice, since that seems to be the subject that comes up most often when people find out I write middle grade. In fact, usually the first question people ask is something along the lines of: do you have to simplify things when you write middle grade?



And my answer is always an emphatic: NO!



 Kids deserve way more credit than some people give them. They are very smart and pick up on much more than we may think they do. So I have never once had to change a word because it was "too advanced" or dumb something down so a kid reader would understand it.



That being said, there is still a definite "kid voice" that needs to be used when writing middle grade. But it's not about simplification. It's about making your writing appealing and relatable to kids. A big part of that will come from the voices of the kid characters themselves. But still, it does trickle into the prose in ways you might not always think of.



For example, look at the following sentences:




 Mr. Lipkin always wore the same coffee colored business suit to class, whether it was warm and sunny or pouring down rain. 




Mr. Lipkin always wore a chocolate brown suit to class, whether it was warm and sunny or pouring down rain. 


Which feels more authentically "kid" to you--comparing something to the color of coffee or the color of chocolate? That's not to say that kids don't understand what color coffee is. Shoot, these days lots of kids even drink it. HOWEVER, I still think it's much more believable that a kid would compare the color brown to chocolate long before their mind would come up with coffee. Coffee feels like a more adult comparison. Which is the same reason I removed "business" from the second sentence. Adults think of "business suits." To kids it's just a suit.



They're very subtle differences. But throughout a draft they can really add up and give the story a more authentically kid voice. And obviously the voice of the character also needs to be considered. If your main character is a big coffee drinker, the coffee comparison would probably be the more appropriate. For things like that you will need to use your own judgement. But as a general rule it's best to try and weed out anything that reads more "adult-centered" from your middle grade manuscripts, because they will make the story feel less relatable to your readers. Not that they won't understand it. It just won't feel like it's speaking to them.



And it's important to keep in mind that this kind of thing can rarely be perfected in the drafting stage. Of course the more you write for kids the more you will start to internalize that voice. But as an adult your brain is going to naturally gravitate toward these kinds of phrasings and comparisons. So it's something you'll really want to train yourself to watch for as you revise.





 I'm a big believer in questioning every word. It's tedious and obnoxious and kind of makes you want to fling your laptop off a bridge. But it's also the only way to really watch for tiny voice issues like this, so it's really worth the extra effort. And just when you think you've found them all, your editor will flag a few more and you'll feel like, ARGH HOW DID I MISS THAT????



Oh the joys of being a writer. :)

All right, I think I have rambled on long enough. Hope you guys found that helpful. I now happily turn this blog back to it's rightful owners. Huge thanks to everyone who stopped by to hang out. *curtsies* *flees*



SHANNON MESSENGER graduated from the USC School of Cinematic Arts where she learned that she liked watching movies much better than making them. She also regularly eats cupcakes for breakfast, sleeps with a bright blue stuffed elephant named Ella, and occasionally gets caught talking to imaginary people. So it was only natural for her to write stories for children. Keeper of the Lost Cities is her first middle grade novel. Let the Sky Fall, a young adult novel, will follow in Spring 2013. She lives in Southern California with her husband and an embarrassing number of cats.



 Follow Shannon: Blog | Twitter | Tumblr | Facebook | GoodReads | Pinterest 





Wow! I was nodding all the way through--as kidlit writers, it is so important to know our audience and write authentically so it feels like they've stepped right into the mind of the child protagonist. Thank you so much Shannon for hanging out here and giving such food for thought on Voice as this is one of the biggest struggles we face writing for this age group!



Shannon is taking over the internet as she introduces her fabulous books to the world, so check in at Mundie Moms for the complete tour schedule, which is packed with giveaways. Oh, did I say giveaways? Yes I did! Fill out the below for a chance to win your very own copy of Keeper!




T welve-year-old Sophie has never quite fit in. She 's not
comfortable with her family and keeping a secret—she's a telepath. But then she
meets Fitz, who tells her the reason she has never felt at home is that, well,
she isn't. But Sophie still has secrets, and they're buried deep in her memory
for good reason: the answers are in high-demand. The truth could mean life or
death, and time is running out .




a Rafflecopter giveaway

Take These Broken Wings and Learn to Fly

We had a huge party at our house this weekend for my husband's employees. It was a a lot of fun, but somewhere in the clean-up, our iPods got mixed up and mine went home with one of the kids. She brought it back to the store and gave it to our General Manager (who also happens to be our brother-in-law) and said, "Whose is this?" Andrew flipped through the playlist, chuckled, and said, "It must be Al and Becca's."



I think you could safely call our song choice eclectic. Also fitting would be schizophrenic or ??. Styx, Motley Crue, The Carpenters, Metallica, James Taylor, Chris Tomlin, Guns N' Roses, Simon & Garfunkel, Hillsong, Earth Wind & Fire, The Mamas & the Papas. If a song makes us happy, we add it. One of the favorites on my playlist is Blackbird, by The Beatles:




Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise






Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these sunken eyes and learn to see

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to be free




This song was written about the Civil Rights movement; it's clearly a perfect anthem for the people of that time, and for anyone who's had their dreams derailed, delayed, or denied. This is the beauty and power of words; they can elicit change and better the path of an entire race, or they can encourage a single despairing writer. Notice that Sir Paul doesn't tell us to sit around passively hoping for our time to come. Take these broken wings and learn to fly. We all have difficulties: full-time day jobs, unsupportive family, writer's block, learning disabilities, physical ailments. Whether we're crippled or disadvantaged or downright oppressed, we have to work with what we've got to reach our goals. Arrival requires running, walking, limping, or crawling our way onward until we reach our destination.




So be encouraged today. Don't give up the struggle! And know that one day you will arise, and you'll know that that magical moment you've been waiting for has arrived.




*****




One of my moments occurred in May when The Emotion Thesaurus was published. Today, I'm celebrating by posting an excerpt on Melodrama at Susanne Drazic's blog, Putting Words Down on Paper.

Introducing...The Physical Attribute Thesaurus!

If you would, please read the following: 




The woman in red approached the dancing couple and delivered a slap to her husband that almost rattled the high crystal chandeliers. 




~ and ~




The short, buxom woman walked into the room. She had curly blonde hair, a plump face and cold eyes that sparkled like diamonds. Her dress was red and matched her ruby heels. She approached the dancing couple and delivered a slap to her husband that almost rattled the high crystal chandeliers.




So...what do we have? 




Go on, it's okay. You can say it:  Totally boring description (with a cliche thrown in, too).




Describing a character's appearance is a tightrope act. Too little, and they walk the wire from one end to the other, nebulous and unremarkable, forgotten the moment they step to safely. Too much, and they become a giant, colorful blob trapped on the line, unable to move forward. Pace is stalled, and nothing is left to the reader's imagination because it's all right there in the spotlight. 





Effie, Hunger Games


Why do the above excerpts not work? In addition to them having too little or too much description, what's shown isn't compelling. It doesn't pull us in, help to shape the character, or give us clues as to who this woman in red is or what makes her unique. 




The right detail or two will characterize and help paint a picture of who a person is. Hands rubbed raw from washing dishes all afternoon in scalding water. (hardworking, a provider.) Skin, doll-smooth, layered in foundation so thick it leaves a ring at the jawline (vanity, superficial, self-absorbed). A workman's lurching walk, his faded overalls threadbare at the knees (sacrifice, poverty, pain). These details tell a story. They characterize. And most importantly, they are memorable. 





District 12 Workmen


The Physical Attributes Thesaurus will look at the bodies of our characters, part by part, and provide micro details that will help writers brainstorm ways to create memorable imagery for the reader to connect with. We'll provide a descriptive word list to help you convey character movement and communication, and offer ideas to get you thinking about how a particular attribute might be used to show your character's unique personality and emotions. 




Each Thursday or Saturday we will add to the thesaurus, and all entries can be found in the sidebar. We hope you'll enjoy this new descriptive collection!  

Reviews, Thanks & A NEW Thesaurus is Coming!

Happy Wednesday, Musers! I hope like me, everyone is getting back into the rhythm of work, school and writing again, carving bits of time to work on your latest and greatest projects. I am so proud of each and every one of you for your perseverance and dedication to this writer's road!



You Are Awesome





© Copyright William Bartlett  licensed for Creative Common
First, a big THANK YOU to everyone who has so kindly posted a book review on Amazon of The Emotion Thesaurus. Great things have happened as a result--the ET is #3 on Amazon's Highest Rated List for Writing Books and I am sure that the rating helped the book get picked up by the University of Illinois for their Creative Writing program. Seriously, thank you!



Have you fallen for a book lately?  If so, consider writing a review for it. :) Writers more than anyone know the work behind those breathtaking worlds and characters so intensely original they sweep us right into their stories. I'm sure most of you know about the recent black mark caused by a select few who paid in bulk for fake reviews, but this should not take away from all the honest reviews out there, am I right?



You Are Awesome, Pt. 2



The ET Loves You, Too!
I also want to piggy back on this to also give our sincerest appreciation to those of who have purchased the Emotion Thesaurus book and then recommended it to other writers on industry listservs, critique groups, teachers and more. You've posted on blogs, mentioned it on forums and even written about it in newsletters. Word of mouth is the most valuable currency and we are overwhelmed by the generosity of our readers. The ET is a success because of you and we are determined to continue to work hard and bring you helpful new content! 





And Speaking of New Book Content...

As Becca and I wind up what we've dubbed 'The Discoverability Tour' for the ET, we are turning our attention to the next Thesaurus Book. *cheers* I can't tell you how excited we are about this! However, in the interest of sharing what we learned from our first attempt at launching a book into the world, we're open to some future posts on Marketing if this would be helpful to readers. So, if you have specific questions you'd like us to answer/discuss about our choice to launch the book by sidelining it in favor of Random Acts Of Kindness For Writers, what we did to encourage discoverability, our marketing focus or anything in between, please leave them in the comments!



A New Thesaurus On The Blog? Yep!





By Husky via Wikimedia Commons
It's time to tuck the Character Trait Thesaurus into our sidebar and move to a new Thesaurus! Becca and I have picked something that we believe will help writers in a vital area of description. We'll have the official introduction for it this Saturday, so check back. I will say this: it will help you build your characters!



Spam Must Die

One last thing...The Bookshelf Muse is becoming a huge target for spammers using the Anonymous function to leave comments to create back-links. Now while our spam filter catches these before they hit the blog, we still get emails for them. I'm talking 40 or more emails a day...so you can imagine how bloated our inboxes are getting. We've decided to shut off the ability to leave anonymous comments because of this. I know a few of you may not have Blogger, Twitter or Facebook accounts that allow you to comment otherwise, and I apologize. However you are always welcome to send us emails instead if you like. Just click on our blogger profiles! 



Oh, I am hanging out at two different places today, so I hope you'll stop in:

@ Seeing Creative: The Subtle Knife: Creating Characters Readers Trust But Shouldn't



@ The Writer's Dojo: Emotion-Charged Settings



Don't forget to comment if you have any questions or topics you'd like us to cover in future posts regarding what we did to market our book! If something we did might help you, we're happy to talk about it!

The Benefits of Misunderstandings

Happy Monday!





In case you see those two words as oxy-moronic, here, have one of these:





Image courtesy of thesparechangekitchen



And a couple of these...





Courtesy of Catie Rhodes



Oh, and some healthy fruit....



Courtesy of ambernwest





Ahhhhh. Much better. Today, I'm at Peggy Edelman's blog, Will Write For Cookies, talking about how misunderstandings can benefit your story. Bring your goodies and join us :).