Andy Zach's Blog: The Unlikely life of Andy Zach - Posts Tagged "undead"
Zombie Interview With My Undead Mother-in-law
Hey, Zombie Turkeys fans! Here's a treat: a Zombie Interview. The hero of the 'Zombie Turkeys', Sam Melvin, Zombie Turkeys: How an Unknown Blogger Fought Unkillable Turkeys interviewing the heroine of 'My Undead Mother-in-law', Diane Newby. My Undead Mother-in-law: The Family Zombie With Anger Management Issues
“Hi. This is Sam Melvin lead investigative reporter for the Midley Beacon. Andy Zach, author of the zombie documentaries 'Zombie Turkeys' and 'My Undead Mother-in-law' asked me to interview Diane Newby, the zombie heroine whose adventures Andy details in 'My Undead Mother-in-law.' Diane, welcome to our blog.”
“Thanks so much Sam! Although we’ve known each other for years, I’m still excited as a school girl to be interviewed online!”
“Yes, we met years ago. Why don’t you tell everyone about how we met?”
“It was soon after I turned zombie, along with my husband George, my son Donnie, er, Donald, and his girlfriend Maggie. I had my non-zombie son-in-law Ron Yardley and daughter Karen over for Valentine’s Day dinner. Donnie and I got into a little dustup and Ron blogged about it, which caught your interest in our family.”
“Um, yes. For our audience’s information, the ‘little dustup’ involved lots of blood and dismemberment and cracked plaster. That certainly got my attention. Not much was known about human zombies at that point, and I and the readers of the Midley Beacon we dying to know more.”
“That was the first time we met, Sam. You interviewed me and my family about our life as zombies.”
“Yup, why don’t you tell our blog readers what it’s like to be zombies?”
“Why, we’re just like normal human beings! We hold down jobs and go to church like any normal Americans. We just happen to have glowing red eyes. And we’re twice as strong as we used to be. And we move twice as fast. And we can regenerate lost limbs and heads.”
“Other than that, you’re perfectly normal?”
“Perfectly!”
“So, you don’t think you’ve changed at all since you’ve become a zombie, your personality, I mean?”
“Oh, I notice I’m a little more emotional, I guess.”
“Like how?”
“I seem to lose my temper more easily. But most of the time, I feel happier than I ever had before!”
“Why is that, Diane?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because I feel so gosh-darned great all the time! I have no aches or pains and I’m almost 50. My husband George feels great too. We can eat all the food we want and we don’t gain weight. In fact, if we don’t eat about twice our former diet, we lose weight! Isn’t that close to paradise?”
“I guess, it’s a zombie paradise. You mention you’re more emotional and you have doubled your appetite. Have you noticed any other effects of zombiism?”
“Yes, we’re all more sensitive to light. Our glowing red eyes come from a layer of blood vessels that grow in our eyes enabling us to see in the dark, but increasing our sensitivity to light.”
“How do you handle that?”
“We wear sunglasses in the day and stay awake at night. Oh, we don’t need to sleep more than two to three hours a day.”
“How have your friends and neighbors reacted?”
“Badly, at first. Everyone was so standoffish! Just because we have glowing red eyes doesn’t mean we’re not human! Even my church members avoided me, at first. That’s why I started SPEwZ.”
“Please explain to our audience what SPEwZ is.”
“’’Society for People Equality with Zombies’ is SPEwZ. We, zombies, and regular humans work together for equal rights for zombies. We advocate for fair and equal treatment of zombie people with other humans.”
“How do you counteract the years of anti-zombie stereotypes?”
“Mostly by doing good deeds. We’re first on the spot for invention in zombie turkeys attack, we file lawsuits if zombies face discrimination, and we use our super strength and basic invulnerability to help our police and armed forces fight criminals and terrorists.”
“Sounds exciting! How can people find out more about you and your society?”
“Simply read Andy Zach’s book ‘My Undead Mother-in-law’. He explains our origins and our adventures very well. And a portion of the proceeds goes to help the cause of zombie equality.”
“Who can say no to that? That’s all the time I have Diane.”
That's all that Sam Melvin sent to me. Let me know if you want longer interviews with Diane or any other character.
Andy Zach
Andy Zach
“Hi. This is Sam Melvin lead investigative reporter for the Midley Beacon. Andy Zach, author of the zombie documentaries 'Zombie Turkeys' and 'My Undead Mother-in-law' asked me to interview Diane Newby, the zombie heroine whose adventures Andy details in 'My Undead Mother-in-law.' Diane, welcome to our blog.”
“Thanks so much Sam! Although we’ve known each other for years, I’m still excited as a school girl to be interviewed online!”
“Yes, we met years ago. Why don’t you tell everyone about how we met?”
“It was soon after I turned zombie, along with my husband George, my son Donnie, er, Donald, and his girlfriend Maggie. I had my non-zombie son-in-law Ron Yardley and daughter Karen over for Valentine’s Day dinner. Donnie and I got into a little dustup and Ron blogged about it, which caught your interest in our family.”
“Um, yes. For our audience’s information, the ‘little dustup’ involved lots of blood and dismemberment and cracked plaster. That certainly got my attention. Not much was known about human zombies at that point, and I and the readers of the Midley Beacon we dying to know more.”
“That was the first time we met, Sam. You interviewed me and my family about our life as zombies.”
“Yup, why don’t you tell our blog readers what it’s like to be zombies?”
“Why, we’re just like normal human beings! We hold down jobs and go to church like any normal Americans. We just happen to have glowing red eyes. And we’re twice as strong as we used to be. And we move twice as fast. And we can regenerate lost limbs and heads.”
“Other than that, you’re perfectly normal?”
“Perfectly!”
“So, you don’t think you’ve changed at all since you’ve become a zombie, your personality, I mean?”
“Oh, I notice I’m a little more emotional, I guess.”
“Like how?”
“I seem to lose my temper more easily. But most of the time, I feel happier than I ever had before!”
“Why is that, Diane?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because I feel so gosh-darned great all the time! I have no aches or pains and I’m almost 50. My husband George feels great too. We can eat all the food we want and we don’t gain weight. In fact, if we don’t eat about twice our former diet, we lose weight! Isn’t that close to paradise?”
“I guess, it’s a zombie paradise. You mention you’re more emotional and you have doubled your appetite. Have you noticed any other effects of zombiism?”
“Yes, we’re all more sensitive to light. Our glowing red eyes come from a layer of blood vessels that grow in our eyes enabling us to see in the dark, but increasing our sensitivity to light.”
“How do you handle that?”
“We wear sunglasses in the day and stay awake at night. Oh, we don’t need to sleep more than two to three hours a day.”
“How have your friends and neighbors reacted?”
“Badly, at first. Everyone was so standoffish! Just because we have glowing red eyes doesn’t mean we’re not human! Even my church members avoided me, at first. That’s why I started SPEwZ.”
“Please explain to our audience what SPEwZ is.”
“’’Society for People Equality with Zombies’ is SPEwZ. We, zombies, and regular humans work together for equal rights for zombies. We advocate for fair and equal treatment of zombie people with other humans.”
“How do you counteract the years of anti-zombie stereotypes?”
“Mostly by doing good deeds. We’re first on the spot for invention in zombie turkeys attack, we file lawsuits if zombies face discrimination, and we use our super strength and basic invulnerability to help our police and armed forces fight criminals and terrorists.”
“Sounds exciting! How can people find out more about you and your society?”
“Simply read Andy Zach’s book ‘My Undead Mother-in-law’. He explains our origins and our adventures very well. And a portion of the proceeds goes to help the cause of zombie equality.”
“Who can say no to that? That’s all the time I have Diane.”
That's all that Sam Melvin sent to me. Let me know if you want longer interviews with Diane or any other character.
Andy Zach
Andy Zach
The Unlikely life of Andy Zach
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