Ellen Gable's Blog, page 135

Is God Calling You?

The following excerpt from Come My Beloved: Inspiring Stories of Catholic Courtship is entitled "Is God Calling You?" and recounts how Tom and Patty Strunck met, as well as the beginning months of their courtship.

Tom: My relationship with Patty McNair started years before I ever knew who she was. While young, I was shy with girls and easily fell into schoolboy crushes that never amounted to anything. During one teenage crush, I decided to do something constructive: I prayed a Rosary for the girl every day. It took a couple of months to realize that relationship was going the same way as all the others – nowhere – so I was inspired to change the intention of the Rosary to "my future wife and children."

Patty: During my third year of law school, my father developed a cough which was diagnosed as pneumonia; however, that diagnosis was altered to lung cancer upon the discovery of a tumor in his left lung. Dad decided he would not have surgery or chemotherapy but would use radiation to shrink any tumors. That decision would hasten his death.

Tom: I prayed a Rosary for my future family nearly every night through my last years of high school. In college, my praying grew irregular, but one common intention was "my future wife and children." After graduating in 1984, I attended law school, where I met Patty. She was a year ahead of me and hung out with a popular and partying crowd. Although she was undeniably cute, I found her somewhat obnoxious. Most especially, I did not like the way she laughed.

One fall day in 1985, while descending the escalator outside the school library, I noticed Patty with a group of her friends. Something about her particularly struck me. I walked past the group and briefly pondered whether to ask her on a date. As I opened the door to exit the building, I was overcome by an unusually intense thought: You are going to marry her. With the door half open, I froze, at least until Patty's obnoxious laugh came floating down the hall. "Not only am I not going to marry her," I said to myself, "I will never go out with her." I continued outside, shaking my head.

In January 1986, I was attracted to a flirtatious law school classmate. She and Patty were friends. I invited my classmate to an upcoming dance, but she already had a date. She suggested I take Patty instead. So Patty and I went to the dance together, double-dating with my classmate and her boyfriend. The dance turned out to be a lot of fun. Patty was outgoing and easy to talk to.

Patty: Tom was cute and I needed a date. We had a nice time together. Initially, I thought that Tom was not my type; he was a little awkward and stiff. But there was something about him that was different from other men I had known. He treated me with respect. We kept dating each other through my last semester of law school.

Tom: Before Patty, I had never dated the same girl more than three consecutive times. With Patty, spending time together was natural and I never noticed we were on our fourth, fifth or sixth date. I enjoyed doing anything, or nothing at all with her. After a couple of weeks, she told me that her father had been diagnosed with lung cancer and refused chemotherapy. Over time, his declining health would serve as the glue for our increasingly shaky relationship.

Patty: Dating Tom and Dad's cancer intensified at roughly the same time. The more ill Dad became, the more I needed Tom. This was especially true when my car broke down because Dad had always taken care of my automotive needs. When he was unable to do this, Tom became my chauffeur. We spent lots of time together. He came from a devout Catholic family and was able to answer questions I had concerning suffering, life, death, and God. Still, Tom was not someone I would consider marrying. I was 24, emotionally immature, and not even thinking of marriage.

Tom: Although Patty was not thinking about marriage, over several months of dating, the thought had crossed my mind. Even so, Patty and I were not deeply compatible. She had no religion while I was undergoing a somewhat rocky renaissance in my spiritual life. We frequently clashed over politics and morality and I thought these disagreements would be unhealthy for our potential future children.

Patty: As Dad's cancer progressed, Tom invited me to attend Easter Mass at Holy Spirit Catholic Church, which was two blocks from my house. I found it deeply moving, so much so, that I continued to attend every Sunday. I enjoyed Mass, but with my dad in such poor health, I was very confused. Tom was the best man I had ever dated, as he kiddingly reminded me at the time, but I wanted something more to fill the growing hole in my heart.

Tom: Going to Mass together was a comforting experience, especially given her father's declining health. But it could not make up for our differences. Several weeks before her graduation from law school she suggested we see other people. I was disappointed because I really liked her, but mostly, my pride was offended. I told her to make a choice: see me alone or never see me again. If it hadn't been for her broken-down car and continuing need for rides, our relationship would have ended then.

Tom and Patty Strunck have been married for 23 years and have six children. This is an excerpt of their courtship story entitled "Is God Calling You?" which will be published in its entirety in Full Quiver's new book, "Come My Beloved: Inspiring Stories of Catholic Courtship."

Text Copyright 2011 Full Quiver Publishing

Photo copyright 2011 Tom and Patty Strunck

Your Vocation is Hidden in Your Baptism

Today's excerpt from Come My Beloved: Inspiring Stories of Catholic Courtship tells the beginning of the courtship story of Jeanette and Michel MacDonald.

Jeanette: I think that God is a God of waiting. But when He chooses to act, it's like lightening. When I was 31, back in October '97, I had just moved back in with my parents in New Jersey and I had recently gotten a job teaching. For ten years previous to this, I had been waiting for a husband. I really thought I'd be married at age 21, which I was not. I felt positive that I was called to marriage. I had dated a few guys, but up until this point, nothing had worked out. I was still waiting for my husband. And I really could not understand why God would make me wait that long. So I started to think, well, maybe I've just missed the boat. Maybe I have a different vocation.

So I talked to a priest, Father Peter, for a little direction, and he invited me to this talk he was giving on baptism. He told me that I would find my vocation in my baptism, that each person's call is rooted in their baptism.

To assure myself that I wasn't just running away from religious life, I decided to write to a convent of nuns that I admired. I received the questionnaire and started to fill it out. When I got to the question, "What do you most want to do with your life?" I thought, Get married and have lots of kids. I never sent in the form.

I prayed, "God, what do you want me to do while I'm sitting here waiting and waiting and waiting for my husband?"

As I prayed, I felt the answer was to focus on my music (I had written some songs). Throughout the fall term, I began working on some new songs I had written, adding introductions, fixing the lyrics, et cetera and I decided with my brother, Terry, who was a seminarian up in Canada, to record some of these songs on something better than a little tape player.

Michel: Just by way of introduction, I had been away from the Church for several years and had a dramatic return the Christmas of 1991. Then I spent a year in prayer and formation, eight months of which were at Madonna House in Combermere, Ontario in their spiritual formation program for men discerning the priesthood. After that, I ended up joining the Companions of the Cross in Ottawa. In September '97, I was with the Companions for five years, and it was the beginning of my fifth year as a seminarian when Jeanette came up to Ottawa the week of American Thanksgiving. Our friend Randa had a Thanksgiving dinner and invited some of the CC seminarians. That is where I met Jeanette.

Jeanette: After dinner, I took out my guitar and Terry and Michel joined in playing some music together. We played quite a few of my songs. It was fun. I thought, "Great, this is nice to be sharing some of my music with these people," because music had become a central theme in my life. That's what I thought of that event.

Michel: Of the five years that I was with the Companions, the first two years were a really graced moment in my life where I felt that God was calling me to the priesthood. My third year, I hit a brick wall. I did not want this call to the priesthood and it was something that I fought with my whole being. After struggling for a year, I was able to surrender to God and say, okay, well, if this is what you're calling me to, then I'll continue on this journey. But if it's not what you're calling me to, then you'll obviously close the door and open another door. I was very much at peace with where God wanted me to be.

At that American Thanksgiving party, Jeanette was playing her music and I was playing guitar also with her brother, Terry. I found Jeanette's songs very profound. They're very deep songs. During the song called "As I Run," she sang, "Which hand will I hold as I run toward you, running to the light of Your Glory? The hand very far away and yet so very dear, this one has never left my heart. Is this hand the one to grasp tighter as we lift each other to You?"

As she sang this song, something deep happened within my heart. I thought, I want to be the one to run with her and to lift her up. And it was sort of a profound movement in my soul and in my heart. It wasn't like oh, I'm in love with this girl this week. I didn't even know this person really. And yet somehow I had this really strong movement within me.

So in my prayer time, I was journaling, saying, is this what's going on? Is my heart fickle? Am I being distracted here? Here is this person who is very deep, spiritual, has a great love for You and is musical, funny and who, for all intents and purposes, would make a perfect wife. Yet I was on this journey towards the priesthood.

As part of the Companions, you have small share groups with your brother seminarians. I told these men in my share group how I felt, that this was something very profound. I also confided my feelings to my spiritual director. It just didn't seem like a run-of-the-mill event, you know, like I'm just sort of infatuated with this person. He said that this needed to be seriously discerned. He made it very specific: Should I marry Jeanette? That was the question. So it was…am I called to the priesthood or should I marry Jeanette? When you get married, you're getting married to one person and so he made it very specific. What we did was we embarked on an Ignatian discernment method.

I didn't do a 30-day retreat. I did a shortened version of the Annotation 19. With my spiritual director, I used the Ignatian method to discern whether I should get married to Jeanette. At the same time, I was very open with the men in my share group. Also, as this was going on, because it was something very deep and very profound and it also had pretty serious consequences, I had people praying for me. If I met people that I knew and whom I trusted and knew well, I told them to pray for me because I was discerning really whether this truly was my vocation, this call to the priesthood and with the Companions of the Cross.

Jeanette: Now we're into 1998 in here, about January or so. At this point, my brother and I decided to invite a few friends to help with this little recording project we were going to do. So we invited Michel to play on the guitar and Dan on drums. We asked a friend, Marie, to sing and Lucy to play the piano and our friends Randa and John to help out with some other things. So we're preparing for the recording project and I'm making a demo of all the songs so that everybody can learn them. The recording week was in February of 1998. It turned out that this was my spring break from teaching and it was also Terry and Michel's spring break.

During this week I went up to Ottawa. Terry and Michel and I practiced every day for the upcoming recording session, which was going to actually happen on the weekend. I knew Michel a bit from talking to him when I had gone up to see my brother. Throughout this week, I started to really, really like him. I mean, he was very good looking, a man of God, a man of prayer. One time I went into an adoration chapel to pray for an hour, and he was there when I came in and he was still there when I left. I remember that specifically. And he was also a great guitar player. Being a musician, it's this that really attracted me to him. Michel basically had all these qualities that I was looking for in a husband. But there was only one problem: he was unavailable. He was a seminarian. I thought, great, another dead end street. Everything's becoming a dead end street.

During this week, Michel had mentioned to us as a group to pray for him, because he was discerning whether or not to stay with the Companions of the Cross. I figured he might just as easily join some other group of priests. I did, however, write in my journal that I wanted to marry a man like Michel MacDonald.

It turned out the recording weekend was a big high. It was so much fun and we were all totally exhausted, but it was just a wonderful week and a wonderful weekend with everybody. I was staying at Randa's house with Lucy and Marie and we called a few of the guys to see if they would join us for breakfast. We called Michel and I was so happy that he came over. He had breakfast with us, right before I left to go back home to New Jersey. So even though he was in the seminary and I really liked him, he wasn't available, so it was just nice to know that this type of man actually did exist.

Jeanette and Michel MacDonald have been married for 12 years and have seven children. Their entire courtship story entitled "Your Vocation is Hidden in Your Baptism" will be included in Full Quiver's new book Come My Beloved: Inspiring Stories of Catholic Courtship, which will be published in June.

Text and photo copyright 2011 Full Quiver Publishing

The "Whole Truth"

My new column at Catholic Mom is entitled "The Whole Truth:"

"The only "place" in which… self-giving in its whole truth is made possible is marriage, the covenant of conjugal love freely and consciously chosen, whereby man and woman accept the intimate community of life and love willed by God Himself which only in this light manifests its true meaning." Familiaris Consortio

When James and I met, I would've considered myself Catholic, although I did not agree with the Church's stance on pre-marital sex, abortion and contraception. I wasn't staunchly pro-choice, just quietly so, although I knew within my heart that I would never have been able to make the decision to kill my unborn baby. However, I agreed wholeheartedly with society's views on contraception and pre-marital sex. After all, I thought, if you love the person, why shouldn't you be able to show it?

I met James in 1978 when I came up to Canada to meet my pen-pal. My pen-pal took me to a jam session and I was enamored with the 16-year-old curly-haired lead guitarist. It seems cliche to say this, but when I first saw his face, he took my breath away. The following summer, we were formally introduced and spent some time together, then I returned to NJ. We kept in touch via letters and the occasional phone call (no email or texting or cheap long distance back then). I returned to Canada after Christmas that year and we pledged our undying love to one another.

In my mind, there was no reason to wait. All we needed was to get our hands on some contraception. Condoms were easily accessible, even back then, so the pregnancy issue didn't worry me at all.

When we were able to be alone together, I shared with James that I would be willing to take our relationship "to the next level." It must have been difficult for a 17-year-old boy to turn down an opportunity like that, but we didn't take our relationship to the next level that day. James shared with me that he planned to wait until marriage to have sex. He told me that it was precisely because he did love me that he couldn't have sex with me, that he was worried about pregnancy at our young ages (and was against abortion as an option), that he saw the bigger picture of where our relationship was heading: marriage, and what we were experiencing then was not close to marriage yet.

I returned home to NJ and we spent the next three years having a long distance romance, visiting only once every three or four months and keeping in touch through snail mail letters and occasional expensive long distance phone calls.

In hindsight, I am very thankful for James's strength and faith. It is precisely because we waited until marriage to consummate our love that makes our relationship so strong today.

Copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach

A Fairy Tale Romance

The following is an excerpt of "Our Fairy Tale Romance" from "Come My Beloved: Inspiring Stories of Catholic Courtship" and tells part of the story of the courtship of Regina Doman and Andrew Schmiedicke.

Andrew: At 25 years of age I was already a lonely bachelor. After a number of failed relationships in high school, college, and after college; after a number of journeys, adventures, and failed business and employment ventures; I found myself back in Michigan, looking for a job, and feeling…well…like a failure. And a bachelor.

Regina: The Steubenville Youth Conference had been a source of conversion for me when I was a teen, and even as a youth group leader, it was a lot of fun. But by Sunday, I was hot and exhausted, not to mention a little rumpled from sleeping on the ground and having lost my luggage. During one of the sessions, I saw Mike (future brother-in-law) come into the tent followed by a guy wearing a white dress shirt and jeans of the palest faded blue. His longish dark hair was hanging over his eyes. I rolled my own eyes. Clearly, the guy didn't know how to dress. I was introduced to Andrew Schmiedicke and we shook hands, but given how loud the music was, we didn't have a chance for conversation. We agreed to meet at Bob Evans for brunch.

Andrew: When I spoke with Regina, she was dressed in a blue denim jumper with a white t-shirt, and her hair was a little messy. Regina was very easy to talk to, but I didn't feel the slightest hint of a romantic interest. I suspected she might be one of those girls who didn't care about her appearance very much.

But we had a great conversation about simple living, and the proper use of technology. In fact, we talked pretty much non-stop the entire time, while Mike and Alicia sat listening with smiles on their faces. It was clear Regina and I had a lot in common, especially being writers, but I really didn't feel attracted to her.

Regina: After the weekend in Steubenville, I could admit that I found Andrew Schmiedicke very intellectually interesting. I began to be curious about him, but I wouldn't say I was attracted to him. In the weeks after our meeting, my thoughts became consumed with the plans for my sister Alicia's wedding, which was taking place in January. This was our large family's first wedding, and Alicia and I had already spun out all sorts of plans to make it unique, romantic, and fun. Since I was always involved in party planning for our family, (and I was the maid of honor) I had a lot to do.

Alicia wanted to do things for Mike too, and that meant we had to involve the best man in the wedding who just happened to be… you guessed it, Andrew Schmiedicke. This gave me an excuse to call Andrew fairly frequently. We would chat on the phone while I bounced ideas off of him, and explained the sort of things our brothers wanted to do for Mike for the wedding: we wanted the groomsmen to throw him a "bachelor bath" party which was the male version of a shower: it involved the men of the wedding party praying and honoring the groom-to-be—after soaking him to the skin in a watergun attack. Andrew was keen to help out and take the lead, so plans were made.

So I was thinking about Andrew, but not romantically. I was glad he was happy to be a partner in the goings-on of our large, enthusiastic family. I was thinking of him that summer, when our family and a dozen other families made our typical joint vacation down to Cape Hatteras, North Carolina. Those ritual family vacations were almost a retreat, with daily prayer times together, skits, dinners, and beach games. Many of the girls I had gone on vacation with for the past ten years were dating and almost engaged. I was still (sigh) single.

My usual strategy was to hang out with the young married couples. I had always had friends of all ages, and I had no problem chatting with moms, holding babies, and playing with kids. One night when I was sitting on the couch in the beach house of one of my friends, I was watching a young dad play with his toddler son, and I thought to myself, You know, that's what makes Andrew Schmiedicke different from these other guys I've dated. I bet he's the type of guy who would be a good dad.

Those words had scarcely finished running through my head when one of the moms, Jane, looked at me keenly. "Regina, who are you thinking about right now?"

I blushed instantly. "Uh…" I faltered. "Just some guy I met this summer."

Looking intently at me, she said, "He's the one for you."

Andrew: My attempts to get to know some of the other Catholic girls on campus went nowhere. What was particularly frustrating was that I was attending a Catholic university where there were so many vibrant and wonderful girls. Couldn't one of them be the one I was looking for? And yet, it seemed that the elusive "she" was nowhere to be found.

Still, I was getting periodic phone calls from Regina regarding plans and events leading up to Mike and Alicia's wedding in January. I found that Regina, the oldest of ten, had a lot in common with me as the oldest of eleven children. We discovered that we both came from large and rather devout Catholic families. Our occasional conversations were pleasant, but didn't seem to go beyond that.

The week before Thanksgiving, I expressed my frustration to Father Giles. He told me to ask Jesus to bring the young woman into my life who was to be my wife. So I did. "Lord, if you want me to marry, bring the woman into my life!"

Regina Doman and Andrew Schmiedicke's entire courtship story will be included in Full Quiver's new book: Come My Beloved: Inspiring Stories of Catholic Courtship," to be published this June.

Text copyright 2011 Full Quiver Publishing and Andrew Schmiedicke

Photo copyright Andrew Schmiedicke

Couple Meets Through an Introduction Service

Today's post is an excerpt of the courtship story of Mark and Kathy Cassanto, who met through an introduction service. Kathy is co-editor of "Come My Beloved: Inspiring Stories of Catholic Courtship."

Kathy: I had been working for a year as a baker in a truck stop restaurant and working weekends a lot so I wasn't going to church as much, even though I was still faithful. When I got the flyer for the introduction service in the mail, I thought, yeah, what do I have to lose? Actually, I had no concept of it actually working. It was almost like a flyer you get for a six pack of pop. I didn't think much of it until I got a call back. It was July when I went in, and they were very respectful and seemed genuinely concerned. So I signed up then and did a payment plan. I just didn't want to put down that much money at once and I only signed up for three contacts.

Time passed and I forgot about it for a while. Then, at the end of November, a person from the agency gave me Mark's information. I remember writing it all down and they said, "Oh, he's a big teddy bear of a guy. The reason we're matching you up is, he's Catholic and we know you're Protestant, but you both score very high on the importance of religion and the importance of family in our questionnaires." So I had some trepidation. I didn't know what to think because I had been taught not to enter into a mixed marriage.

So I said yes. We had a hard time getting the first connection, and we talked about three times on the phone. One of the best parts with the introduction service is that there was no element of dating because we were both transparent about our goals, where we had been, what we wanted, and so there were no pretenses of trying to be something for somebody else. Right from the beginning, the first couple of conversations, Mark was sharing about his family and his faith journey and we found we had commonalities. We had both been to Circle Square Ranch as kids. He definitely had had experiences of God, and of the Holy Spirit, and so I was drawn to that.

Mark: Being a cradle Catholic, I had been introduced to the Charismatic Movement of the Catholic Faith when I was seven years old. When I was almost eight, I had the gift of tongues. Between eight and 12, I had really good, memorable times of having Christ as someone very close to me. Then it wasn't as important when I was a teenager. But to come through life's experiences of discerning my vocation, of university, of previous relationships, and to end up with the conviction in my heart, an understanding of my adult life as I was saying before, that I knew the next step in my life would have more meaning than it ever had before. As I said, in my early conversations with Kathy by phone or in person, I said something to the effect of "everything that I have done or touched, or tried to pursue has always failed." With Kathy, this seemed to be the one thing that God was taking to fruition.

So our first date was December 1st, 1995, when we first met each other in person, she picked me up at work and we went down to the Rideau Center and to the movie theater and saw a James Bond film. Then we went down to Friday's on Elgin for a drink, and to relax and have an appetizer. I just remember having a wine spritzer; feeling sophisticated. Ironically, I had hidden away in my leather purse (I still carry a man's purse) a pack of cigarettes. I had been rarely smoking any longer because it was such a filthy habit. I just didn't enjoy smoking, and that meant that I really wasn't addicted (thanks be to God). (I had taken up smoking after working at the bingo hall – if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.) Had Kathy seen me take out a cigarette and light up – that just wouldn't have gone over well on our first date. One of those things we laugh about now.

What I remember the most from our initial times together, especially the first date, is that — myself more than Kathy — there was a lot of talking, a lot of sharing and it was all from the heart. But there was a trust building quickly. It was as if we were best friends; someone you felt privileged to be with and to share life with. We went to the Civilization Museum for our second date.

By our third date, I just knew that I had found the person I wanted to marry. That's kind of shocking, and it was something I didn't share this with her until our fourth date. When I did share it with her, it was equally received. So that was really nice. At one point, I told Kathy that I was going to be traveling to see my Mom at Christmas; she was living in Baltimore at the time. Also, on one of our earlier dates, I had given Kathy a copy of Scott Hahn's book "Rome Sweet Home." So about four or five days before Christmas, I asked Kathy to drive me to the airport and some really nice things happened that day, memorable things. One of them was that she gave me the book back. I put it in my carry-on bag, but it was on the airplane where I discovered that there was a letter inside the book that star struck my heart. Sometimes when the person's not there, when you read someone's thoughts and feelings, how Kathy felt so far about me, you know, I was over the moon. It made me extremely excited and proud because I could really tell my Mom and family members something.

Kathy: Through all these dates, I was very overwhelmed at his presence because he was always so excitable.

Mark: Extrovert, to the extreme.

Kathy: It was kind of funny because after the first date, I thought, oh man, I don't really know about this and I looked back in my car and he had forgotten his winter gloves in my car, and I thought, oh no, I have to see him again, at the very least because I have to give him his gloves back. I didn't know what to think because I hadn't had much experience.

Something that had happened to me a couple of years before this, when I had been doing my Masters in England. I had hooked into an Evangelical Church and for a series of Sunday night sermons, a man who promoted missions had been doing talks. He spoke about a celebration to the nations, being open to thinking outside the box where you should go in your life, especially as young people, with a view of doing missions. Although I had been exposed to a lot of missionary activity, I had never expressed an interest, but one of things he talked about, struck my heart so deeply was when he was talking about Genesis 12, when Abraham gets his call from the Lord and His promise to make a great nation out of him. His amplified version of Genesis 12:1, said, "Go away for your own reasons, from your country and from your kinfolk." That struck me. It sat with me for years as he had made them into bookmarks. I had carried this bookmark around for years and I didn't know what it meant.

Mark and Kathy Cassanto have been married for 15 years and have six children. Kathy is co-editor of "Come My Beloved: Inspiring Stories of Catholic Courtship." Their entire story will be included in this book, due to be published in June of 2011.

text copyright 2011 Full Quiver Publishing

Photo copyright 2011 Mark and Kathy Cassanto

Love Quotes

Below is a non-exhaustive list of some of my favorite quotes on love. Do you have any favorite "love" quotes? Feel free to list them in the comment section below.

"Love is therefore the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being." John Paul II

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." Blessed Mother Teresa

"Intense love does not measure; it only gives." Blessed Mother Teresa

"This is my commandment: Love one another." The words of Jesus in John 13:34

"Love…love…love, never counting the cost." Catherine Doherty

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud…Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Cor. 13:4

"Everything I understand, I understand because I love." Leo Tolstoy

"Brief is life, but love is long." Alfred Lord Tennyson

"I belong to my beloved,

and his desire is for me.

Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside,

let us spend the night in the villages." Song of Songs 7:10

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—

for your love is more delightful than wine..." Song of Songs 1:2

How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride!

How much more pleasing is your love than wine,

and the fragrance of your perfume

more than any spice! Song of Songs 4:10

"My beloved is mine and I am his." Song of Songs 2:16

"I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears of all of my life – and if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death." Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"Grow old with me, the best is yet to be." Robert Browning

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." Franklin P. Jones

"Where there is great love, there are always miracles." Willa Cather

"The art of love …is largely the art of persistence." Albert Ellis

Photo copyright 2011 Joshua Hrkach

Please God, Send Me a Man

Since this is Valentine's Day, today's post is an excerpt of James and my courtship story (which was the basis for my novel, Emily's Hope). The entire story will be included in "Come My Beloved: Inspiring Stories of Catholic Courtship."

Ellen: Because I was very young looking, I did not date in high school or for the year or so after. I longed to meet someone, that special person with whom I could spend the rest of my life. Every night I prayed, "Please God, send me a man."

During my first visit to Canada in 1978, my pen-pal asked if I wanted to go with her to a jam session where her brother would be rehearsing with his rock band. When we arrived, the band was taking a break. One boy, however, was crouching, with his back toward me, a guitar in front of him, and he was playing the same three or four notes over and over again. I remember thinking that fellow must be dedicated. I also noticed that he had dark curly hair and bell bottoms (out of style at the time) which prompted me to think he must not be too concerned about fashion. A few moments later, the band members took up their instruments. The fellow with the dark curly hair turned around and began playing his guitar and singing. It sounds cliché, but when I first saw his face, he took my breath away. And he played with such intensity that I couldn't stop staring at him.

James: I wasn't much for pursuit, except pursuit of excellence in music and art. That seemed so much easier to understand than girls. Ellie, on the other hand, was definitely in pursuit and had a hard time hiding it, even if she tried. One thing is for sure, though, her young looks were less intimidating for someone as shy as myself.

Ellen: I returned to Canada the summer of '79. Although I was 20 at the time, I looked more like 13 and was rather immature. I was told that James was shy and usually quiet, but when we later met at a dance in the local curling club, we spent the entire time outside (where it was less noisy) talking for three hours. I was nervous because I liked him so much. I actually began the conversation by asking him a "conversation starter" that my pen-pal had given me in case I became nervous. "Nice trees around here," was all I could come up with. His answer surprised me. "Yes, they are nice. I like the way the light is reflecting off the oak leaves over there." I never expected such a well-thought out and creative answer to a conversation starter. But as we began to talk, I realized that he was no ordinary young man.

James: It's funny that although I would have gladly stood on a stage and produced a wall of loud noise to perform at any dance, I wasn't much for attending them. I certainly saw the empty meanings of much popular music, and spending time outside of the noisy dance hall was a definite option, especially when this time was to be spent getting to know a person from a different part of the continent, a girl, in fact, who seemed to want to get to know me. When time flies by so fast you can't keep track of it, you know you're having fun and I certainly felt comfortable chatting with Ellie that night. So comfortable that I almost couldn't face the discomfort of having to see her return home.

Ellen: Later that week, when we said good bye to one another, he promised that he would write to me. I arrived back in New Jersey and immediately wrote my first letter to James.

In those days, we didn't have email or cheap long distance or texting, so he had to wait over a week before he received my letter. I had to wait two weeks before receiving a response. When I received his first letter, I knew he was the real thing. Over the next few months, he sent letters frequently and drew little pictures on the backs of envelopes or in the letters themselves, little pencil sketches of scenes, lions or the cartoon version of himself. On one particular envelope, he drew a man crawling over the desert, passing a glass labeled "H20" and saying "Ellen, Ellen." On another, he drew a picture of me pulling on a phone wire with him saying "Keeping pulling. I'm just passing Syracuse."

As we began to share thoughts and feelings over the next five months, I became more and more excited at the prospect that he was the man with whom I was meant to spend the rest of my life.

James: I must admit, I wasn't much of a pen-pal and the only person I had ever or would ever write letters consistently to was Ellie. The delay between one writing and the other responding was frustrating, but it added a certain timeliness to my letters' content. I tended to write things that would matter regardless of when Ellie read them. One thing is for sure: Ellie's ceaseless and timely response to every letter I wrote definitely convinced me that there was someone who really cared about me, helping to cement my certainty that I was developing a relationship that was going to work. If she was putting aside the distractions of life just to make sure I got a response every few days, how much more would she truly be able to commit herself to being my lifelong partner when we were near each other?

Ellen: On returning to Canada just after Christmas 1979, James presented me with a beautiful painting (see photo above). When James and I were alone together, we pledged our love to one another and promised that we would be faithful. I was overjoyed because I had finally found the one I loved but unfortunately, he lived 500 miles away. I had no idea what it would mean to carry on a long distance relationship for an unknown number of years, but we were in love and it didn't seem to matter when we were together.

Although I was Catholic — and had discovered that he was also Catholic — I figured that James was like most Catholics who didn't follow everything that the Church taught. I wanted to give myself to him physically before I left during that visit so we would have something to hold us together. He was only 17 at the time, but he shared with me that he wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. I was shocked that a 17 year old would turn down an opportunity like that, but in hindsight, his high ideals for morality and "pursuit for excellence in art and music" are the exact traits which attracted me to him in the first place.

We spent the rest of the week trying to enjoy the few days we had left together. When it came time to say goodbye, we both sobbed. Neither of us knew when we would see each other again.

This is an excerpt of our courtship story. The full version will be included in Full Quiver's upcoming book: "Come My Beloved: Inspiring Stories of Catholic Courtship." Our story has also been fictionalized in my novel, "Emily's Hope."

This is our 33rd Valentine's Day together. Happy Valentine's Day to my true love!

Copyright 2011 James and Ellen Hrkach

and Full Quiver Publishing

Famous Literary Couples – Win a Free Book

I suppose that it's no surprise that I'm a voracious reader. When I started writing fiction ten years ago, the greatest piece of editorial advice I was given was to read good books. Unfortunately, I've become a rather critical reader because I'm always dissecting books, trying to figure out what makes them good or, consequently, why they are poorly written.

Since Valentine's Day is only a few days away, I'd like to share my top five fictional couples:

Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)

Jim and Della (The Gift of the Magi)

Jane Eyre and Edward Rochester (Jane Eyre)

Frederic Henry, Catherine Barkley (A Farewell to Arms)

Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler (Gone With the Wind)

Most of these classics are available free of charge either as an e-book on Kindle or at your local library.

Leave a comment below (before Tuesday, February 15th) listing at least one of your favorite literary couples, and you will be entered to win a hard copy of my second novel, .

Text and photo copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach

An Incredibly High Ideal

Today's post is another excerpt from Full Quiver's book, "Come My Beloved: Inspiring Stories of Catholic Courtship." Chris and Micki share how their courtship began:

Chris: We were sitting at our mutual friends' house, talking about courtship and marriage. Somehow or another, she said that she wouldn't marry someone who didn't love her enough to save himself for her even before they met. He absolutely had to be a virgin. That struck me as an incredibly high ideal. But also – and I think this is why she thought I was argumentative and pompous – I got a little bit defensive about what she was saying. When I was younger, and wasn't well-formed religiously, I came pretty close to falling in that area, and not saving myself for the girl I'd eventually marry. But I see now that the grace of God preserved me in that. So I was argumentative, because I wanted to defend myself and where I had been when I was younger. That's why I posed questions like, "What if somebody only fell once, and it was many years ago, and they really regret it now, and they repented of it and never did it again?" She kept insisting that no, that wasn't good enough for her. The person had to have saved himself for her.

Micki: I explained that I could still be friends with that person. I wouldn't judge that person. We can still be best buds for life. But I wouldn't marry that person, because he didn't love me enough to wait for me.

Chris: My first thought was "good luck with that." Her ideals seemed a little too high, and she didn't seem flexible enough. But after I'd left, and had the chance to reflect, I was really inspired by what she'd said. Partly, it was because I realized, "Hey! I still do qualify!" and that this is a woman who is a pearl of extremely high price. She knows that she's worth a lot (and not in an arrogant way). She knows her value and her dignity, and she's not going to allow herself to be bought cheaply. She wasn't going to be given away to just any guy who came along.

Micki: I was not desperate. I was not looking for a man and I was going to wait until I found the right one.

Chris: Right. I concluded that Micki was a person who was worth striving to get to know, and to see if something could really happen with her. That was why I was so dogged in calling her, and why I continued to call for a month. It helped that she didn't let on that she wasn't interested. So I thought, Wow, she keeps taking my calls. She keeps staying on the phone with me for an hour and a half. She must really be interested in me. Of course, she wasn't, but I didn't know that. That's what kept me going through that month or whatever it was before we actually got together for our first date.

Micki: We met on November 20th of 1993 and we went out for the first time on January 6th of 1994. I should explain a little more why I said what I did about not marrying someone who didn't love me enough to wait for me. Something happened when I was 16, just kind of by happenstance. I was laying in bed one night, and I just prayed (and I'm sure it was the grace of God that inspired me to pray this), "Dear God, please help me to save myself for the man that I'm going to marry, and please help me to wait for marriage." That simple prayer kept me out of a lot of trouble as I got older and went through life. When I was in college, someone had said, "Start praying now for whomever it is you're going to marry." So, probably freshman or sophomore year, I started praying, "Dear God, please bless whoever it is you have for me to marry." And I might have even added, "Please help him to love me enough, even now, to save himself for me, even though he doesn't know me yet."

When Chris started calling, I tried to find a way to gently tip him off that I wanted him to stop calling. I kept dropping these little hints that had always worked before to scare guys off…like, "I've already got my wedding dress, because it was on sale 75 percent off when I was a second year law student, and I couldn't pass that up." Usually, guys would say, "She's scary." But he said, "Wow, what does it look like?"

Chris: You're thrifty.

Micki: Rats, that didn't work. So the next phone conversation, I say, "My dad has hated every guy I've ever dated." He said, "Oh, you just haven't brought the right guy home yet." Darn, that didn't work either.

Chris: I had encountered fathers much worse. I was confident with anything her dad could throw at me.

Micki: But my ace in the hole was always, "When I get married, I want to have four kids." I was a Protestant at the time, so four kids seemed like a whole lot of children. He said to me, "What? Only four?" I said, "How many kids do you want to have when you get married?" He said, "Oh, 10, 12, however many God sends me." I had the same reaction to that that he had when I said "I'm not marrying someone who hasn't saved himself for me." I thought, man, this guy is crazy. But later on when I reflected on it, I realized this guy values family. He likes kids. Maybe I'd better rethink trying to blow this guy off. That was the beginning of the turning point.

Chris and Micki have been married for 15 years and have four children. This is an excerpt from their story "An Incredibly High Ideal" in Come My Beloved: Inspiring Stories of Catholic Courtship, to be published this June.

Photo and Text copyright 2011 Full Quiver Publishing

Atheist Meets Catholic Prince Charming

The third in my series of excerpts from "Come My Beloved: Inspiring Stories of Catholic Courtship" recounts Robert and Sarah Reinhard's journey towards marriage and the Catholic faith.

Sarah: By the time I was working at the country's largest John Deere dealership after college, I was cynical and rather atheist. God had proven that He didn't exist as far as I was concerned. Though I had been raised Christian — mostly Methodist, with some non-denominational charismatic varieties thrown in — I was convinced that reason and logic disproved the supernatural.

Robert: I had been raised Catholic, attended Catholic schools from first grade to graduation, and so I never knew any different. It was an irrevocable part of my life.

Sarah: We had many long conversations over the back parts counter at the dealership, when Robert looked at me and was actually interested in what I had to say (instead of where listening could lead). I found out about his faith life after I had been on a date and bared parts of myself no one else had really cared to hear about; I found out quite by accident. We were on the phone, planning a hiking date for a Sunday, when he said, in his typically no-nonsense way, that he couldn't get to my place before 10, because he went to 8:30 Mass.

This is the man who couldn't talk before about 10, getting up to go to church? Just what was so special about Mass that he would want to go? Well, I didn't care enough then to pursue it beyond a little smile at the fact. But as we continued to date, six months, then a year, I did get curious. What was so special about Mass? How could it be better than time spent with me?

Robert: I had only just started attending Mass again. I had gone two or three years without it and had been far from regular for the ten years prior to that.

Sarah: His mother was very devout and very excited about her faith. Yeah, I thought, she's just that way. Some people like to sew, she likes to be Catholic. It's her thing. Big deal.

I had decided to go and see what Mass was all about. The colorful stories about Father Pat enticed me and, I reasoned, they have a book that tells you what to do – they must be pretty organized in the Catholic Church, and I value organization a great deal. That first Mass, and for about the next year, Robert held my hand and sat with me and encouraged me. He didn't ever say anything about me joining the Church. He didn't ever express that he did or did not prefer that his future wife be Catholic. He didn't have to.

I used to justify that, rationally and logically, God was a silly notion that was both irrational and illogical. Come on! I would cry in my mind, this makes no sense and besides, none of these defenders of God's use rational or logical arguments. In my upbringing, I saw the stalwart Methodists and the charismatic Baptists. I spent a good part of my before-bed prayer time wondering if I should be speaking in tongues, as the Evangelical non-denominationals insisted we should. It didn't take long for me to wonder why it was so wonderful to be saved…and saved…and saved. I was saved at least three times, telling Jesus that He was welcome in my heart. But what if being five made that not count? My mother recounted a story to me where, when I was three, I had asked Jesus into my heart. But at twelve, knowing that I certainly hadn't held up my end of the "good Christian" bargain, I asked Him again. Because, you know, you can never be too saved, can you? And if you can be saved more than once, how do you know which one counts for good?

Robert: I, for my part, kept silent. I had my own struggle with the Catholic faith. As well, my older brother and I were the main providers for our family for ten years before I met Sarah.

As Sarah wondered about the value of the Catholic Church, I found myself coming home. I sat with her at Mass and felt the comfort of the routine and the ritual. I woke up early on Sunday mornings because I desired that peace. My life had been a maelstrom as my parents struggled, but the Church remained unwavering, and I found I needed that. In the years directly following my coming home to the Church, my family would weather some major storms, including my parents' divorce and annulment and the death of a baby.

Sarah: By the time I had decided to step foot in a Catholic church, there was a part of me that recognized that the relationship we were building was worth something as silly (I thought then) as marriage. So many people divorced, so many families torn apart: wasn't your family comprised of more than just the many step-families you might have accumulated? After I met Robert and the thought of marrying him occurred to me, I was alarmed. Was I not a contemporary thinker, freed of such antiquated ideas as marriage? Hadn't I experienced divorce twice in my own family, and hadn't I seen how much havoc it wreaked, how much pain it caused, how much hurt it sowed?

I had been attending Mass for a few months when our priest gave a homily on Mothers Day about Mary, our Mother. He talked about how we all have a mother who is unconditional, who is waiting for us, who understands our trials and tribulations. His words spoke to my soul, and for the first time, my hard heart melted. Unprepared for this, I began crying, and then sobbing. I had to leave the sanctuary. I perched on the steps to the choir loft in the vestibule, and after the recessional at the end Mass, Father asked me if I was okay. I could only nod. What was this Church?

Robert and Sarah Reinhard have been married for seven years and have three children. Their entire courtship story is included in Full Quiver's upcoming book "Come My Beloved: Inspiring Stories of Catholic Courtship" to be published in June.

Copyright 2011 Full Quiver Publishing