Ellen Gable's Blog, page 132

Is NFP Effective?

My latest column at Amazing Catechists is entitled: Is NFP Effective?

Although there is less skepticism with regard to NFP's effectiveness these days, Natural Family Planning still gets a bad rap from many in secular society. I've heard more than a few people say, "NFP didn't work for us."

When the rules are followed, NFP can be 99 percent effective in avoiding pregnancy.

First, a brief overview of how NFP works: a couple charts the woman's signs of fertility and determines when she is fertile. If the couple is avoiding pregnancy, they abstain from marital relations in the fertile time and only have relations in the infertile times (the average amount of abstinence is between one and two weeks, depending on the couple).

Here are some of the most common reasons why people think NFP isn't effective:

1. The couple choose not follow the rules or they take "shortcuts." I have seen numerous occasions where a couple indicated that they were using NFP to avoid pregnancy, then they became pregnant. Upon questioning them, the couple shared with us that they had relations during the fertile time. "It was only one time." One time is all is takes for a normal healthy young couple to become pregnant.

2. The couple choose to use barrier methods in the fertile time. Couples who use contraceptive methods (condoms, diaphragm) during the fertile time may experience an unplanned pregnancy at some point if they continue contraceptive use. NFP's 99 percent effectiveness rate depends on abstinence in the fertile time. If a couple do not abstain, the effectiveness rate will drop to whatever barrier they're using. As well, contraceptive use is contrary to the teaching of the Church and is considered serious sin.

3. "We can't abstain." Abstinence is difficult. We don't try to skirt the issue. But just because something is difficult doesn't mean it's impossible. A strong sacramental life is essential to assisting couples having difficulties with abstinence. Humans do not need to be slaves to their passions.

4. "My cycles are irregular." NFP is not the old rhythm method. Most of the calculations and rules are based on a woman's present cycle. Therefore, women with irregular cycles can use NFP very effectively. As well, irregular cycles can sometimes be an indicator that something else is going on in the body. Improved nutrition, exercise and simple changes in lifestyle can often produce dramatic results.

No method of birth regulation is 100 percent effective in preventing pregnancy. NFP is around 99 percent when the rules are followed.

I think our own experience illustrates the effectiveness of NFP. My husband, James, and I were very young when we got married, so during the first four years, we used NFP to avoid pregnancy. At the end of James' last year of university, we decided to use NFP to seek a pregnancy. We became pregnant (with twins) in the first cycle. Over the next 23 years, we were successful in avoiding pregnancy when we had serious need to do so; and equally successful in becoming pregnant when we have desired it. We were able to use NFP in the postpartum periods and have been able to use it effectively during pre-menopause.

When the rules are followed, NFP is extremely effective in avoiding pregnancy and can work equally well in helping couples to achieve pregnancy. (And is the only method which can work both to avoid and achieve pregnancy.)

We are offering an online NFP class in June (class is limited to five couples). If you're interested or have any questions about NFP or its effectiveness, please contact me at info@fullquiverpublishing.com

copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach

Fiction Friday – Forget Me Not by Elizabeth Schmeidler

My thanks to Elizabeth Schmeidler for allowing me to post an excerpt from her historical romance, "Forget Me Not," which is available via Lulu and on Amazon Kindle:

England, 1882

Chapter 1

Ambria Therese Burke looked out her window and sighed. "Just another boring day, leading to yet another boring night," she muttered. Ambria had spent more days looking out over her father's land dreaming than she could count, and her patience had worn thin. Not even the blooming spring flowers that came in every color of the rainbow or the beautiful budding pink and white trees could alter her mood.

She restlessly began drumming her fingers on her window sill and muttered, "When…when is my father ever going to realize that I am a woman? How old will I have to be before he notices that I no longer wear pigtails and ribbons in my hair? For Heaven's sake, I am nearly eighteen years old. Doesn't he realize?"

Her mutterings had grown a bit louder as Genny quietly approached. "What are you mumbling about, my little princess?"

"Please…do not call me your little princess!" Ambria exclaimed. "Doesn't anyone around here understand that I've grown up? I'm not a child anymore, and I've grown quite weary of being treated like one!"

Ambria's mood took Genny by surprise. "Don't get your temper riled at me, young lady! I meant no harm—it's only a nickname after all!" she answered defensively.

Ambria felt instant guilt for her sharp tongue as she glanced at the woman who had been with her since the day she was born.Genny was the nickname Ambria had given Genevieve. She had been told that it was one of the very first words she had spoken as a baby—second only to "Papa". Genny was more like a mother than a nanny to Ambria and she loved her with all her heart.

Wonderful childhood memories of Genny began to surface— Genny, with her curly red hair, chubby dimpled cheeks, and plump arms reaching out to hold Ambria. Genny, with her laughing warm-brown eyes, teaching her childish games, to read, dance, sew, and laugh. The reminiscences made Ambria's mood even more melancholy, and the dreaminess returned to her eyes as she stared out the window.

Genny was undeterred by Ambria's silence. "Quit your dreaming, girl, and answer me proper this time. What has got your feathers ruffled today?"

"Oh Genny, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. It's just that…well…oh Genny… I am so tired of being Papa's little girl!"

Ambria's voice was strained and Genny knew her well enough to know that she was on the brink of spilling a bucket full of tears. Determined to waylay those tears, she sharpened the tone of her voice and said, "Now I'll be hearing none of this self-pity, Ambria! You know how much your papa loves you, and how much he has done to teach and protect ya! Why, without him ya wouldn't even 'ave a pillow fer yer head and clothes on yer back! You've got a home fit fer a princess and strong faith ta guide and give ya peace…all because yer papa understands what love really is!"

Genny then wagged a finger at Ambria and said, "Now look what you've done, girl. You've got me fergettin' me proper speakin'!"

Guilt washed over Ambria as she realized that she had only been thinking of herself. Genny was obviously upset—though she took great pride in the English skills she had learned and had taught to Ambria, her native Irish brogue always surfaced when she was riled or distressed.

Ambria softened her expression to soothe her dear friend, and said softly, "I know he loves me, Genny…and I love him with all my heart. He's the best father I could ever hope to have…but I long to grow up. I long to experience what other girls my age have been experiencing for years already! I long to meet new friends, go to parties and socials, and…Oh, you wouldn't understand."

Ambria's shoulders gave way to her mood and she slumped forward in sadness. In barely more than a whisper she pleaded, "I just want my freedom."

Forget Me Not is available via Lulu, as well as on Amazon Kindle.

Elizabeth has kindly agreed to give away a free e-copy of her book to one lucky reader! Leave a comment below for a chance to win this delightful romance novel!

Copyright 2011 Elizabeth Schmeidler

The Many Benefits of NFP

My latest article at Catholic Exchange is entitled "The Many Benefits of NFP."

In this day and age of healthful living, Natural Family Planning provides many benefits which not only ensure healthy living, this remarkable method of birth regulation is also environmentally friendly and promotes authentic marital love. Here are just a few of the many benefits of NFP:

NFP is safe.

There are no harmful side effects for either the husband or wife. It is completely safe, 100 percent natural and it involves no potentially harmful devices or drugs.

NFP is healthy.

There are no pills, invasive procedures, long term drugs. Women who use NFP know more about their bodies and can discover health problems sooner.

NFP is effective.

NFP can be 99 percent effective in avoiding pregnancy when there is serious need to do so. The beauty of NFP is that it can also assist some couples in achieving much-wanted pregnancies without chemicals and operations.

NFP costs very little to use.

This is especially helpful in this economy. Other than the cost of the course, materials and the replacement of thermometers, NFP costs very little to use over a couple's 20 or 30 years of fertility, compared to purchasing condoms, diaphragms, Pills and other chemicals or operations.

NFP is environmentally friendly.

NFP does no harm to the environment. Charts can be recycled and there are no chemicals or other devices used.

NFP is marriage insurance.

In a study done by the Couple to Couple League, couples who used NFP had a less than two percent risk of divorce compared to the national secular average of 50 percent.

NFP fosters authentic marital love and allows a couple to love as Christ loves: freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully.

NFP is morally acceptable to all faiths.

NFP works with irregular cycles.

NFP is not like the old rhythm method, which depended on regular cycles. NFP's charting system works with a woman's present signs of fertility.

For more information on NFP:

www.ccli.org

www.serena.ca

www.woomb.org

http://www.creightonmodel.com/

Copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach

A Nice Place to Visit…

The following is an updated re-posting of an article I wrote a few years ago:

I have always found history fascinating, especially 19th century history, and I particularly enjoy reading historical romances. Unfortunately, many of the romance novels published nowadays contain graphic sexuality, and it is becoming difficult to find ones which do not include detailed descriptions of immoral behavior. So I decided to write one which I myself would enjoy reading, with no graphic sexuality and with Catholic characters.

The 19th century experienced the 1812 War, the Civil War, the Industrial Revolution, the reign of Queen Victoria and the invention of photography. I find myself in awe of the quality of the daguerreotypes and tintypes, but I am most intrigued with the expressions on people's faces in these early photographs. Many, if not most, of the people in these old photographs have a neutral or unhappy expression (although I realize it was probably because it took so long to capture the image).

Years ago, I bought a book on the Centennial Exhibition of 1876 (which took place in Philadelphia) and I imagined being part of this extravagant event. Those brief thoughts were the beginning of my novel, .

As much as I find history fascinating, there are many aspects of Victorian life which do not appeal to me, like corsets, repressed sexuality, outhouses, women having few legal rights, women dying in childbirth and so on.

I've been told by my physician that if I had lived in the 19th century, I probably would have died in childbirth. So I'm happy to be living in the 21st century, in a house built 19 years ago, where I can curl up on a comfortable Lazy Boy chair, turn up the heat and read a great historical novel.

Copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach

Victorian Clipart from: http://antiqueclipart.com/

Fiction Friday – Stealing Jenny

The first Fiction Friday post is from my upcoming novel, Stealing Jenny (to be published in September), which is about the abduction of a pregnant mother by an emotionally unstable infertile woman:

Jenny and her son began the short jaunt up the street to the bus stop. Caleb, at three years of age, was not walking as fast as she'd like, but the bus wouldn't be arriving for another ten minutes. She thought back to Tom's question about his mom coming over and helping her out at home. He wasn't serious — just angry this morning — which was why he suggested it. But it annoyed her when Tom mentioned his mother in an argument.

Since the separation, then divorce, of Tom's parents three years ago, Doris had become increasingly more belligerent. Jenny tried to be sensitive to her mother-in-law's emotional highs and lows. But when she was having a bad day, Jenny was almost always on the receiving end of any criticisms and cross comments. Doris had always been critical of Jenny's laissez-faire attitude towards housekeeping, but generally speaking, before the divorce, her mother-in-law would keep those comments to herself. Since the break up, however, that had changed.

Her mom had offered to pick up the kids from the bus stop next week, as well as perform the household duties, when Jenny was closer to delivery. Jenny understood why her mom wanted to be with her ailing sister in Saskatchewan, but she secretly wished that her mother would return sooner.

As she approached the bus stop, Jenny noticed a woman there. That's odd. My girls are the only ones who get off at this stop. I wonder why she's there. Immediately, she became uneasy and looked away. Stop it, Jen. This is Sutherland, a quiet neighborhood with virtually no crime rate.

The woman was smoking and staring in the distance. As usual, that area was deserted until the neighborhood kids returned home from school.

The lady looked familiar. She was tall and slightly overweight. Jenny glanced at her middle and realized that the woman was wearing a maternity top. When Jenny moved closer to her, the woman finally made eye contact. "Hello, Jenny. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Are you waiting for somebody?"

"I'm waiting for you." The woman dropped the cigarette on the ground and stamped it out.

"Me? Do I know you?"

"Uh-huh. I work at the Sutherland Veterinary Hospital."

"Oh, right."

"How's Bootsie doing?"

"She's fine, uh…"

"Denise."

"Right, Denise."

"I remembered that you were expecting pretty soon?"

"Yes. You too?"

"Uh…yes, me too."

"When are you due?"

"Around the same time as you."

"Oh?" Jenny's large round stomach looked about like it was about to pop compared to this woman, who appeared to be six months pregnant at most. She must be having a small baby.

"Well, you know," Denise continued, "my cousin's got these maternity and baby clothes and they're all high end stuff and I remembered seeing you and wondered if you might like them."

"That's nice of you, but don't you need them?"

"I've already taken a bunch and these are the ones I won't use. Come over here. I've got them right here in my car."

Jenny thought the woman was a bit strange, and again, she felt uneasy, but she wanted to be polite. After all, she did know her from the vet's office and she was pregnant. If you can't trust a pregnant woman, who can you trust? "I guess it can't hurt to take a look, but I'm almost ready to deliver and won't be needing any maternity clothes." Denise walked quickly to a car parked close by, Jenny and Caleb following behind. She could see the woman opening up the back door and leaning in. She stepped back. "Right in there."

Jenny lowered her head to peer inside. She couldn't see clothes anywhere. All of a sudden, she felt something smashed against her face and nose. Breathing in a vaguely sweet scent, she jerked her head from side to side. She opened her mouth to cry out and inadvertently inhaled. She tried to move her arms, but she immediately became limp.

Stealing Jenny will be published this September.

copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach

Selene of Alexandria by Faith L. Justice

My latest review over at Catholic Fiction.net:

There's nothing I'd rather do than to sit under a tree on a beautiful day and read a novel which transports me back in time. So I eagerly anticipated reading Selene of Alexandria by Faith Justice.

Admittedly, this was a hard book to get into. The author is a competent writer, but I initially had a difficult time bonding with the characters. As the story progressed, however, it became easier to relate to and bond with the characters.

Selene of Alexandria is a well-written, exquisitely-researched historical novel. It takes place in 412 AD and is the coming-of-age story of Selene, a teenager from a wealthy Christian family who yearns to be a physician. An early feminist, she has little interest in marriage.

Her family is not pleased, but eventually her father allows her to study with Hypatia, the renowned mathematician and philosopher of Alexandria. Because she is very intelligent and because she uses alternate means of healing, she gains many enemies and is eventually drawn into the rivalry between two candidates for Christian Patriarch: Cyril and Orestes, the Prefect.

Her childhood friend, Antonius, loves her, but she only has brotherly affection for him. She finds herself attracted to the Prefect, Orestes, although he is many years older. Other characters include Selene's brothers, her father, Rebecca, a Jewish servant and many others. The climax of the story had me turning the pages very quickly.

A few criticisms…the cover was rather bland for a novel of this caliber. Also, I found some of the dialogue not consistent with the time period. And a warning: there is a sexually explicit scene in this book as well as a few near rape scenes which might be disturbing to younger readers. For these reasons, I would recommend this book to older teens and adults.

Selene of Alexandria is a well-written and well-researched novel. I recommend it to those who enjoy historical fiction.

It is available on Amazon.com.

Copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach

St. Anthony and The Lost Wedding Ring

St. Anthony, the patron saint of lost things, has always been a favorite intercessor of mine. Over the past 30 years, his powerful intercession has helped us to find almost every thing we have ever lost. So when my husband, James, realized that his wedding band was missing, I was not worried. Instead, I immediately began praying to St. Anthony, with trust in him that the ring would, at some point, be found.

Strangely enough, James never takes off his wedding ring, except perhaps a few times a year when he helps me with baking. So both of us were perplexed as to how it could have been lost in the first place.

I trusted that with St. Anthony's assistance, this precious symbol of our marriage would eventually be found…and that happened two days later when one of our sons saw something sparkling on our bedrock driveway (at night, no less…) We surmise that his ring slipped off one cold night while he was getting in or out of the car.

Even our kids have learned to call on St. Anthony when something is lost (see cartoon).

Thank you, St. Anthony!

For more information on St. Anthony, check out this website:

http://www.stanthony.org/aboutanthony/history.asp

Cartoon and Text copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach

Remembering Mom…

Today is my mom's birthday. She would have been 77.

Like most of us, she wasn't perfect, but in many respects, she was a great example. When she became pregnant at age 47, her doctor insisted that she have an abortion. She refused and several months later, gave birth to my youngest sister (who is now a postulant with the Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia in Nashville). I am grateful for the many years I had with Mom, but I miss her very much.

In her memory, I'd like to share the eulogy I gave at her funeral reception four years ago:

Eulogy for Betti Power – August 14, 2007

Wife, mother, sister, grandmother, mother-in-law, stepmother, sister-in-law, aunt, cousin, friend. She was Betti (with an i).

To us, she was simply "Mom."

She was witty, loving, generous, giving, unselfish.

She enjoyed her grandchildren (at right, with my son, Adam, 15 years ago), transcribing (and was the fastest typist I know). She loved surprising people, visiting Canada, talking on the phone, doing crossword puzzles, reading. Her favorite music was West Side Story, Jesus Christ Superstar, Abba and Fleetwood Mac.

Upon meeting Mom, most people immediately felt comfortable with her and she would often strike up conversations with people she didn't know.

She cherished having a new baby when she was 47 and all that came with it: being a lunch mother, taking Laurie to dance lessons and Catholic school.

Mom was a proud graduate of Hallahan High School (class of '51).

She loved Christmas shopping and would begin in July and be finished before November.

She enjoyed watching television and her favorite shows were the Sopranos, Law and Order, Price is Right, ER, Magnum PI and All in the Family. One of her favorite movies was "Titanic" and she would watch the DVD every few months.

She used some unique sayings: "God willing and the Creek don't rise." When asked if she could speak French, she would reply, "Sure, I can. Chevrolet, bouquet, Bon Ami." When one of her kids was misbehaving, she would say, "I'm gonna drop kick you across Center Avenue." Whenever I stood next to her, she would always say, "El, are you standing in a hole?" If we referred to her as "she" and not "Mom," she would say, "Who's she, the cat's mother?" Whenever anyone asked how she was doing, she would reply, "Well, I'm still on this side of the grass, so I guess I'm doing fine."

Mom described herself as an "independent," but hasn't voted for a Republican candidate since Eisenhower.

Whenever someone in the hospital or at home would ask if they could get her anything, she would almost always reply, "Tom Selleck."

When asked what the most memorable days of her life were, she replied, "My wedding days and the days I gave birth to my five children."

Mom was a fighter, not necessarily aggressive, but she's had to survive some pretty challenging experiences: her first husband's (my father's) emotional breakdown; kidney failure when she was 33 which led to the removal of one of her kidneys and caused her to drop to 80 lbs (at five foot six, made her a walking skeleton); becoming a widow at 44; and, most recently, having to deal with COPD and emphysema over the last ten or so years. When she first became critically ill in 2004 and lapsed into unconsciousness, the doctors told us there was no hope for her, to take her off of life support. Instead, she eventually woke up. She finally came home after eight months of hospitalization to the new normal: oxygen machine, nebulizer treatments, myriad pills and medications. Although it was an uphill battle, she has always had a strong will to live.

Finally, in April, the doctors told Mom that there wasn't much more they could do for her and that she would be sent home on hospice care. Upon arriving home, she asked my brother, "I'm coming home to die, right?"

Whenever any of us helped to take care of her, she always thanked us profusely, whether it was for emptying her commode chair, making her breakfast or dinner or a snack of a soft pretzel or an ice cream cone. She often apologized for being a burden. I told her that it was a joy to help take care of her, to give back to her just a small portion of what she had given to me, and I know my stepfather and my siblings all feel the same.

Mom, we miss you. Requiescat in pace.

Photos and Text copyright 2011 Ellen Gable Hrkach

Feast of the Annunication

Today is the Feast of the Annunciation, commemorating the incarnation of the Blessed Savior in Mary's womb.

EWTN has a great post on the Annunciation. It features pro-life reflections, children's activities and other ways to celebrate this beautiful feast day.

"The biblical account of the Annunciation is in the first chapter of the Gospel of St. Luke, which describes the news given to Mary that she was to become the mother of the Incarnation of God, records the "angelic salutation" of Gabriel to Mary, 'Hail, thou who art highly favored. The Lord is with thee." This is the origin of the repeated "Hail Mary" prayer of the Rosary); and Mary's response to God's will, "Let it be done to me according to thy word." Her exultant hymn, the Magnificat, found in Luke 1:46-55, has been part of the Church's liturgy of the hours, at Vespers (evening prayer), and has been repeated nightly in churches, convents and monasteries for many centuries."

To read the entire post, click on the following link:

http://www.ewtn.com/library/FAMILY/MARCH25.TXT

Fiction Fridays

Beginning next Friday, April 1st, 2011, and continuing every Friday, I will be featuring excerpts and short stories from contemporary Catholic novelists and classic authors. I will also be posting excerpts from my new novel, as well as a few short stories I've been working on.

If you are a writer and are interested in participating, please leave a comment below or send your short story or excerpt to info@fullquiverpublishing.com. (Stories are subject to editing by me.)

Photo copyright 2011 James Hrkach