Willie Handler's Blog, page 26
September 9, 2016
Weekly Update
The new novel is coming along slowly. I finished chapter 8 this week and hope to complete one more chapter before heading off for my annual NFL/birthday weekend at the end of next week. The writing is going much quicker than the first novel and I expect the first draft to be in much better shape this time around.
THE ROAD AHEAD book launch is coming together nicely. I’ve now received about 100 RSVPs. That is well beyond my expectations. We can still squeeze a few more people into Ben McNally’s bookstore if you know anyone who might be interested in coming out on September 21. The books are outside my office ready to be signed. I love the smell of freshly printed books. Amazon is currently converting the novel into a Kindle ebook and it should be available in about 10 days. I’m registered on Goodreads.com, though still have to work out how to make use of the site.
September 6, 2016
I’ve Developed An Anti-Canadian Values Test For Kellie Leitch
Conservative leadership candidate Kell Leitch has proposed testing immigrants for anti-Canadian values. What a great idea! Except what are Canadian values? A good question. So I’ve done some research and developed some questions that can be used to screen applicants wishing to come to Canada. Try the quiz and see how you how you rate on Canadian values.
1. If you and your wife/girlfriend are attending a Toronto Maple Leaf hockey game, she would be required to wear:
a) a Toronto Maple Leaf jersey
b) a Montreal Canadien jersey
c) a paper bag over her head that says Leafs Suck
d) a niqab
2. On Canada Day, you plan to:
a) light some fireworks
b) have a family BBQ in your backyard
c) paint red maple leafs on the faces of your children
d) blow up a commuter train
3. Boxing Day is known as:
a) a day for great sales
b) a time spent with the family
c) the start of the World Junior hockey tournament
d) just another day to despise the infidel
4. When you get to Canada, the first thing you want to try is:
a) poutine
b) beaver tails
c) Dill Pickle potato chips
d) meat from goats raised in my yard and roasted on a spit
September 2, 2016
Weekly Update
The books have arrived!
They will be embargoed until September 21st. Those who show up will get the first peak of THE ROAD AHEAD. Speaking of which, the RVSPs are rolling in. I think there will be a big crowd down at Ben McNally’s that evening. If you plan on coming, drop me an email if you haven’t done so already. Much of the planning is now complete. It’s going to be a lot of fun!
If you are in a book club, please consider reading my book. I would be happy to meet with your book club and lead the discussion.
The writing hasn’t stopped. I’m still working away on the second manuscript. This week, I finally completed chapter 7.
August 29, 2016
Anthony Weiner Is…Argh I Can’t Go There
The King of Sexting is at it again! And no doubt, so are the joke writers working for late night TV shows. Politicians, like Weiner, inspired me to write THE ROAD AHEAD.
Someone take this man’s phone away from him. He might as well send his photos directly to the New York Post or Daily News. They’re going to get them eventually.
If you haven’t see the documentary Weiner. It’s worth seeing. Captures the personality of this flawed narcissist very well. It’s at the Bloor Cinema this weekend.
August 27, 2016
Try The Globe Grammar Quiz
The Globe and Mail compiled a grammar quiz consisting of complaints submitted over the past year by sharp-eyed readers, invariably decrying what they call the ceaseless erosion of language standards. I did quite well: 14 of out 15. How did you do?
August 26, 2016
Weekly Update
It was a busy week preparing for the release of THE ROAD AHEAD. This week I signed off on the layout of the book and acquired an ISBN, which is a unique 13-digit identifier that each book is assigned (a different ISBN is assigned to each version, ebook, paper, audio). When I filed for an ISBN, I was told that it could take up to 10 days to be processed. I went into a panic because I might not have books for the launch party. I called up the Library and Archives Canada and explained my dilemma. The very nice woman who answered the phone pulled our my application and processed it in two minutes. She made my day!
Invitations went out for launch party this week and the response has been incredible. Thank you to everyone who has already for your support. If you are planning to attend, please remember to RSVP. The book store needs to have an idea how many staff to available for the evening. If you know of someone who might be interested in attending the launch, pass on the invitation to them.
Next week I need to get back to writing.
August 19, 2016
Weekly Update
A book release party has now been booked for THE ROAD AHEAD. The location will be Ben McNally Books on Bay Street. I’ve designed an invitation but holding off releasing it until I have date confirmed delivery of copies of the book. Can’t have a book release without books. Hopefully, this will all come together early next week. By the way, if you have never been to Ben McNally Books, it might just be the most stunning book store in the city. They provide a lot of personalized service that has become so rare in the era of big box stores. I’m really getting excited about the launch. Still lots of things to do in preparation though.
What Would Ryan Lochte Do?
1. If Ryan had accidentally locked himself in his own car, would he:
a) Call 911 and wait for emergency services to arrive.
b) Kick out one of his windows.
c) Scream help until someone passing by noticed him.
d) Listen to Howard Stern on Sirius radio until the car battery died.
2. When Ryan receives his census form, does he:
a) Ask his neighbour to fill it in for him.
b) Make up answers and return it.
c) Throw it in the garbage and claim he never received it.
d) Claim his dog ate it.
3. When his local Sears has a storewide sale of 30% of all shoes, does he:
a) Pull out a calculator to determine the sale price of a $100 pair of shoes.
b) Rely on a salesperson to determine the sale price.
c) Switch price tags with a pair of less expensive shoes.
d) Pay $100 because he can’t be bothered to figure out the sales price.
4. When Ryan gets an invitation to sports award dinner, does he:
a) Make an appointment to have his hair dyed.
b) Go onto Tinder to look for a date.
c) Get an new tattoo.
d) Show up late and drunk eventually getting thrown out.
