Willie Handler's Blog, page 25

Weekly Update

My routine has slowly gotten back to normal this past week. I was back at my desk working on chapter 9 of LOVED MARS, HATED THE FOOD. I would say the first draft is one-quarter complete now. For those who have now read THE ROAD AHEAD, you will find this novel very different.

This week I drove up to Orillia and dropped off eight copies of THE ROAD AHEAD to the Stephen Leacock Society. I have submitted the book for their annual award for Canadian humour. Well, why not? I like to shoot high.

I’ve begun contacting book clubs who might be interested in reading THE ROAD AHEAD and have me come to lead a discussion. I’ve been working on a discussion plan for book club meetings. If you belong to a book club or know of one, please let the members know about my availability.

Finally, if you have read the book and you have the time, please leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads.

 

Debating Advice For The Donald

Let me be frank, Donald Trump had his ass whooped this week during the first of three presidential debates. Based on his performance, his preparation was inadequate and this strategy badly flawed. I like to provide advice to politicians without regard to political stripes (although Trump appears to display no obvious stripes). I’ve come up with a few points that can give him an edge in the final two debates.

The dark suit has to go. This isn’t an interview with Lehman Brothers. Go with the look from that other famous Donald – Donald Cherry. You want people to focus on you during all those split screen shots. Have a suit made in stars and stripes. It also fits in with your Make America Great Again theme.
Nobody likes a grumpy president especially one that has access to the nuclear launch codes. I suggest a cocktail of ecstasy and ativan will put you in the right frame of mind for the next debate. I’m sure it will help you out smile Hillary next time around.
You need to emphasize your height advantage. The public has a lot more confidence in a tall leader. Donald, you are 6’3″ while Hillary is just 5’5″. That would make her the second shortest president after James Madison and he was president 200 years ago when everyone was shorter. When standing next to Hillary, make a point of looking down at her.
At the next debate, offer the American public the opportunity to be Donald Trump for a year. If elected, promise to let every American not pay taxes in 2017. Maybe even go further, allow Americans not to pay any bills in 2017. You’ll win in a landslide!
Announce at the start of the next debate that on your website, you staff will me operating a nasty meter, which will keep track of every time Hillary takes a shot at you. Then every time she attacks you, hold up a finger and yell “Ouch! One more nasty!” This will take away attention from all your fibs.

This Little Parcel Was Shipped To Orillia

My submission for the 2017 Stephen Leacock award. Talk about a wild stab in the dark. You know what they say, go big or go home!

The Birthers v. Maryam Monsef

Canadian politics has been too quiet lately. So during the week that Rick Tompkins and THE ROAD AHEAD have their coming out party, we have a made in Canada birther scandal.

It seems the inspirational narrative provided by Democratic Institutions Minister Maryam Monsef regarding her journey to Canada hasn’t been totally accurate. She did arrive to Canada from Afghanistan, but it seems she learned this week that she wasn’t born in Afghanistan, but rather in Iran. No big deal, right? She and her mother and sister fled a deteriorating situation in Afghanistan and came to Canada as refugees. Well, except there are consequences for providing inaccurate information on an immigration or refugee application. Despite, what her mother suggests, it is a big deal.

However, these aren’t ordinary new Canadians. One of them is a Cabinet Minister, which means any explanation she provides has likely been vetted by the Prime Minister’s Office. So what we are hearing will likely have elements of spin inserted. We might be presented with several versions of the truth. Which puts a smile on my face as my novel hits the street.

Weekly Update

The six weeks of planning for the release of THE ROAD AHEAD paid off. It was a huge success. I would estimate that at least eighty people attended the party at Ben McNally Books this past Wednesday evening. Thank you to my many friends, colleagues and family for coming out to support me. I was humbled by the turnout.

I’ve begun to receive feedback and pleased that so many of those that purchased the book are enjoying it. Please spread the word. You can also leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. Thank you to those who have already done so.

For those looking to pick up a copy of the book, it is available at Ben McNally Books and on Amazon. The book is also available in eBook formats on Indigo.ca.

Next week, I’m back to writing. Perhaps we’ll be doing this again in a year from now.

 

 

 

 

THE ROAD AHEAD With The NYPD

Rick Tompkins Would Be Proud

THE ROAD AHEAD at the University of North Carolina.

Weekly Update

I spent this week with my designer trying to figure out how to get THE ROAD AHEAD on Kindle and Kobo. There were some missteps but it all seems to be working now. Most of the time was reading the terms and conditions. That reminds me of an excellent 2013 documentary Terms and Conditions May Apply. There are already reviews of the book on Amazon.com (by those that have read the manuscript).

RSVPs for the book launch are still trickling in. Thank you to all of you for your overwhelming support. I’m off to North Carolina for a guys weekend of football and BBQ food. Enjoy your weekend.

My Favourite Hillary Clinton Conspiracy Theories

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Who doesn’t love a good conspiracy theory? They’ve been part of the Internet going back to when Google was a research project of a couple of Stanford students. It’s what keeps people coming back to Snopes.

The 2016 Presidential election campaign has been a treasure trove for conspiracy theories. Mostly, pertaining to Hillary Clinton. I’ve collected my favourite ones.

1. Hillary is dying. In fact, she will die within a year as a result of vascular dementia.

2. Hillary is using a body double (rumoured to be Teresa Barnwell). That sort of makes sense though, if she’s dying.

3. Sick Hillary’s cough is caused by Parkinson’s disease.

4. Wait, there’s nothing wrong with Hillary. In fact, she faked the flu, a blood clot and a concussion to avoid testifying to Congress about Benghazi.

5. The Clintons have killed so many people, they are basically serial killers. The body count includes James McDougal, Vincent Foster, Ron Brown,Mary Mohane, the list goes on and on.

6.Hillary is a lesbian and the Clinton marriage is a sham. There’s even a book out on the subject. Okay, if she’s not a lesbian then at least she must be bisexual.

7. Then there’s the stable of Bill Clinton love children across America.

8. Bill Clinton is sterile (so much for the love children theories) and Chelsea isn’t his daughter. The real father is Webb Hubbell.

9. Forget Webb Hubbell. Chelsea was conceived when Bill forced himself on Hillary during a vacation in Bermuda.

10.Clinton and top aide/alleged lover Huma Abedin (wife of Anthony Weiner) are in cahoots with the ladies’ auxiliary of the Muslim Brotherhood. Which explains why Clinton has been secretly pushing to spread Sharia law in America.

THE ROAD AHEAD Taking In The Blue Jays

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