Becky Eldredge's Blog, page 9

Embracing Our Greater Yeses: Am I Being Invited to Discern?

St.Ignatius was a prolific writer about discerning greater goods.  He offers us the second set of rules of discernment.  He also offers us three modes of discernment.  One of the things I feel is missing from his vast body of work on discernment is the “pre-work” that happens prior to understanding the goods to actually choose between.  It is the pre-work that involves: 

How do we become aware of the invitation to greater good discernment? How do we name the goods? 

With my directees, I distinguish two distinct phases of discernment.  A passive phase of discernment which is the “pre-work” and an active phase of discernment where we can lean on Ignatius’ steps and rules of discernment.  This week, I will focus on the passive phase.  Next week, I will focus on the active phase.  

Notice What You Are Noticing: 

The invitation in the passive phase of discernment is to “notice what you are noticing”.  In this phase, we are invited to notice four things:  our holy desires, who has our attention, what has our attention and the movementmens of consolation and desolation.  Let’s take a closer look at each.  

Our holy desires:  

God speaks to us through the desires in our hearts.  In the passive phase of discernment, we might find ourselves noticing desires that illuminate an invitation to discern.  What I listen for in spiritual direction are things such as: 

A welling to respond to God’s gifts and love A search for meaning A rising longing or restlessness with a sense God is asking more from us A desire to share what one received from God with others A draw towards Magis, even greater service for God

When I begin to hear this in spiritual direction, I invite my directees to take an intentional stance of paying attention and noticing the desires of the heart.  In prayer, the desires of the heart are brought to God asking for clarity of what these desires are telling us.  

Who has our attention

As an invitation begins to well for us to discern, we are invited to pay attention to who God has on our heart.  The concrete fruit of discernment typically involves people or an area of the world and a concrete way to respond to who we see. I invite people to pay attention to what people or what area of the world is on their mind and heart.  We are invited to notice the needs of people and of the world.  God is awakening us to the people who need the gifts we can offer.  

Along with the holy desires, I invite people to bring the people they are feeling called to serve to prayer. 

What has our attention

Part of this passive phase of discernment includes noticing what has our attention as well.  This might be an invitation to notice our gifts.  It might be a naming of a gap.  It might be something breaking our heart or the awareness of what brings us joy.  We are invited to reflect on the circumstances of our lives as well.  Within the concrete circumstances of our lives, what has our attention? What dreams are we pondering?  What ideas come to mind?  

Along with holy desires and the people, we add what we are noticing to our conversations in prayer.  

The movements of consolation and desolation

As we continue to pay attention and notice, I invite people to notice the movements of consolation and desolation.  Which holy desires bring consolation and move us towards God?  Which desires may not be from God but potentially from the false spirit?  We are invited to notice and follow where consolation continues to appear and to pay close attention to where desolation rears its head. 

The Puzzle Pieces of Passive Discernment: 

These four noticings become like puzzle pieces to an unknown picture we are being invited to discern.  We bring what we notice to God offering all that is being made known to us.  We ask God continually to show us what else we need to see, to hear, or to feel. We invite God to share with us what God sees.  

At the heart of the passive phase of discernment is taking all we notice to God and asking God, “what are you inviting me to do with what I see?”.  

Your Invitation this Week: 

I invite you to pay attention this week.  Are you in a passive phase of discernment?  If so, I invite you to take the intentional posture of paying attention.  Notice what you are noticing.  Bring it to God, and invite God to show you what you need to see and how you are being called to respond.  

Know of my prayers for you, and I hope you will continue to pray for our team as God moved us out of a passive phase of discernment and into an active phase of discernment this month.

 

 

Go Deeper:

Read the rest of our series, Embracing Our Greater Yeses Download the PDF that lays out the Passive and Active Discernment stages around my acronym of H.O.P.E.  Explore our discernment resources:  https://beckyeldredge.com/discernment-resources/

 

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Embracing Our Greater Yeses: Holy Restlessness

As soon as the toxic words left my lips, heat spread from my chest to my ear tips. The conversation continued to unravel and I wondered, who was this person (me), so wound up, self-important, and rude to the person receiving my tirade? It took a couple of hours for me to apologize. Even then I admit the apology was half-hearted. The other half wanted to justify my inappropriate reaction as righteous. As these halves wrestled I asked myself, what is really going on? What is stirring under the surface that I need to see? 

Always able to bring something good from calamity, the Holy Spirit was creating an opening for me to make some choices. Often we are surprised to realize that what we believe about a situation, another person, oneself is different from what we thought. Like others before me, the Holy Spirit used this opportunity to get my attention, show me new truths, and lead me to discern where to go from here.

The Holy Spirit has a history of using crisis moments to inspire new vision, like Paul on the way to Damascus. Paul was blinded by his single-minded pursuit to keep his community of faith on track following The Law when suddenly he heard a voice that begged, why are you persecuting me? Over the next three days Jesus helped him to see those following His Way differently. Paul regained his sight through the hands of Ananais, and filled with the Holy Spirit, was able to decide what to do next with his new awareness.  

On the other hand, from St. Ignatius we learn that another life changing illumination more gentle than his famed “cannonball moment” unfolded next to a river:

One day he went to the Church of St. Paul, situated about a mile from Manresa. Near the road is a stream, on the bank of which he sat, and gazed at the deep waters flowing by. While seated there, the eyes of his soul were opened. He did not have any special vision, but his mind was enlightened on many subjects, spiritual and intellectual. So clear was this knowledge that from that day everything appeared to him in a new light.  From that day he seemed to be quite another man, and possessed of a new intellect.

Through prayer in the weeks following my meltdown, I perceived an undercurrent of restlessness. I was humbled to see that innocent bystanders were on the receiving end of suppressed emotions. I realized that work, once easy, was becoming more difficult. While managing to honor commitments, I saw that behind the scenes I alternated between procrastination and autopilot. I also noticed that I became energized when invitations to participate in new projects arrived. Thoughtful companions offered honest feedback and encouragement as I discerned and ultimately made some new choices.

Jesus told his disciples, “The Holy Spirit will teach you everything and remind you of all I told you.” (John 14:26).  Whether our eyes are suddenly opened through another’s hands or insight slowly dawns, there comes a point where we can’t unsee the need to discern what’s next. We can proceed with assurance that God has provided interior knowledge to make a good decision.

When surprised by a turn of events, or realize a holy restlessness is beginning to stir, invite the Holy Spirit to open your eyes, enlightening your mind and heart. God said to Moses (Ex 33:18-23), you’ll recognize me, my goodness, and my glory, not by looking me in the face, but in noticing what happened as I passed by. What goodness does God want to reveal as you become ready to discern?

 

Go Deeper:

“Today the Lord invites us to assume an attitude of humble listening and docile waiting, because the grace of God often presents itself to us in surprising ways, which don’t line up with our expectations.”  Pope Francis, Angelus address, July 8, 2018Prayerfully listen to Open My Eyes by Jesse Manibusan as you ponder…Fr. Michael Casey on the conversion of St. Paul (Give Us This Day, May 6, 2022):Our lives may be less dramatic [than St. Paul’s], but we would be wise to consider whether God is not also speaking to us in those moments when reality is different from what we had expected. We are being tasked to cast our eyes in a different direction, open to the possibility that we are being asked to change course. And we can’t expect to comprehend all that is involved in this challenge. Some of its meaning may emerge in time. Much of it remains a mystery. We will never understand it by thinking about it; paradoxically it is only by giving our assent that it begins to make sense. Saying “yes“ gives us entrance to a world beyond our reasoning.Consider reading an older series on Restlessness here.

 

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Embracing Our Greater Yeses: No Wrong Turns

When we think of discernment and decision-making, it is easy to approach the process with the assumption that one possibility, one opportunity, will stand out above the others or that.  If only we spend enough time in prayer, reflection, and weighing the pros and cons of each, the choice will become obvious. Sometimes, this does happen. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of finding calm moments to sit, pray, and reflect, allowing our muddled thoughts and emotions to distill and the clear choice to rise up. But what happens when we find ourselves faced with two, three, or more good things from which to choose? How do we begin to pick the best one?

I still remember the words of my spiritual director over fifteen years ago, when, as a college senior, I attended my first Ignatian retreat amidst my own discernment about which post-graduate service opportunity was the best next step in my growing desire to be “a woman for and with others.” I agonized for weeks over where I was being called to serve, accompany, and grow. When I shared this with the Campus Minister who guided me through those four silent days, her words to me were simple and reassuring: “God, from a place of deep love, has given you these many goods to consider, and God will be there on whatever path you choose.” 

Having gone back to these words so many times over the years, her insight feels so obvious. Yet, I will be the first to admit how hard it is for me to move that insight from my head to my heart and to find the peace to which God invites me when I am grappling between several good things. In his First Principle and Foundation, Ignatius says, “The goal of our life is to live with God forever. God, who loves us, gave us life. Our own response of love allows God’s life to flow into us without limit. . . . Everything has the potential of calling forth in us a deeper response to our life in God. Our only desire and our one choice should be this: I want and I choose what better leads to the deepening of God’s life in me” [23].

Discerning between two goods isn’t some sort of game where God holds the answer and I’m trying to be the detective searching for the correct solution–where I run the risk of losing favor with God if I get it wrong. Instead, it’s an invitation: first, to an expression of gratitude for the gifts before me, and second, to a recognition of the many ways God invites me deeper into God’s love and into my own calling to let that love flow into the world. The nuts and bolts of that calling vary across life’s seasons, but the foundational guidepost is the same: God is rich in abundant love for us, and no matter which good we choose, God promises to accompany us along the way, always revealing new opportunities for us to be conduits of love to our world.

Viewing life as a journey, especially life rooted in spiritual becoming, has been helpful. In my mind, I see a winding road that meanders along streams, dips behind rolling hills, climbs mountains, crosses other paths, and ultimately fades into the horizon, the destination not entirely visible. It isn’t a fixed path like a paved city road, intended to carry us efficiently and quickly from Point A to Point B or leading us away from our goal if we take a wrong turn. When I’m discerning between multiple goods, reflecting on the journey that has brought me to where I am now and praying for an openness to whatever is around the next bend helps me to rest in the peace God promises. I am reminded that, amidst the uncertainties, God’s love–and God’s help in my sharing that love–remains constant, no matter which good of goods I choose.

 

Go Deeper:

See the previous “Into the Deep” series on Ignatian discernment.Read and reflect on Ignatius’s “First Principle and Foundation” [23].Consider using the words of one of these people in your own prayer.Prayer of Love and Praise by Jacqueline Syrup Bergan and Marie Schwan, CSJA Prayer for Discernment by Pedro Arrupe, SJPaschaltide (Passover Remembered) by Alla Renee BozarthTake to heart Jesus’s words to his disciples in John 14:27: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.”

 

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A Guide to Ignatian Discernment: Donuts for Dinner (And Other Ways the False Spirit Works)

The clock hands keep moving later and later. I step on a monster truck and trip into the couch. Six times before dinner, two times after dinner, and another three times before bedtime. That is how many times I asked for help cleaning up the toys. I want to throw up my hands and exclaim “Fine! I will do it myself!” I want to scoop up the toys, reorganize the bins, and get the job done correctly. In the battle of wills, I have been defeated by a monster truck and a 6-year-old.

The false spirit (or enemy, Satan, evil) often appears like a Lego hidden in the carpet, or a monster truck peeking out from under the edge of the couch. This false spirit lurks in the shadows, waiting for opportunities to exploit our weaknesses. It gnaws at our willpower and forces us to a breaking point. St. Ignatius gave us three images to help us spot this trickster as well as strategies to bolster our spiritual defenses. They are also referred to as Rules 12-14 in the principles of discernment.

My own self-talk manifests itself in unique ways depending on how the false spirit is most active, however the first is the most vividly depicted in my life right now.

#1. “I’m just so tired” The persistent child.

Tonight, my toddler ate a donut for dinner while we walked through the grocery store. I did not wake up this morning intent on winning the Lackluster Mom of the Year award. I had been in three meetings at work, then picked up the toddler at preschool, met my sister and my two older kids for some activities with an out-of-town guest. As the adults conversed, my 8-year-old son and my 10-year-old nephew each managed to lose a shoe in the creek that runs through the park. After an exhausting search in the sun, we still came up one shoe short. They shared a shoe as we traversed the wooden bridge and made our way back to our cars.

On the drive home, my “low fuel” light popped on and I also realized I desperately needed groceries. I left the older two kids with my husband, but the 2-year-old was insistent that he needed to go to the store with me. Because he is still transitioning to his new preschool, I begrudgingly took him, just to get out of the house and get the shopping done… BIG MISTAKE. I dragged him crying through every aisle as I frantically threw taco fixings and fruit in the cart. And then, right next to the sliced bread and tortillas was a box of heavily processed, highly sugared donuts.

So that’s how I became that mom who let their kid eat his way through the store so I could finish my shopping in peace. Most days I have my life more together than this. When I read Ignatius’s description of the false spirit as a petulant child, I feel the utter exhaustion of an end of the day grocery run. The donut came when I had no more fight left in me.

Likewise, the false spirit erodes our willpower to fight racism, injustice, and the oppression of the most vulnerable. These problems are bigger than me, and my small acts seem meaningless and insignificant. I am too tired to fight the big fight. Speaking with integrity at our workplaces, in our civic government, and in our communities, it all becomes too much. I want to give in, to buy the donuts, to silence the conflict at any cost.

#2. “I’m so embarrassed.” The secret.

One of the most telling ways that the enemy works on me is to constantly remind me that my weaknesses and failings must be hidden. I want to maintain my reputation as being strong and capable. If I ask for help, will that change how other people see me? What if I let people down? I’m sharing my donut and wayward toy stories because these are the ways that God is working on me. I’m still learning the delicate balance of setting clear boundaries, while being more patient with my kids. I want them to explore, to come up with new creative ideas. But I also need them to come when I call them, put away the toys at bedtime, and not throw their shoes into running water. Whatever our struggle is, God never asks us to hide it from those most close to us (our spouse, spiritual advisor, and most trusted friends). If you feel that sense of shame that makes you hide the action, thought, or temptation from these key groups, then it’s probably an indication that the false spirit is at work and these people might have a difficult truth to reflect back.

#3. “I never learn.” The weak spot.

Do you ever beat yourself over having the same tensions within your family, the same sins to confess, the same bad habits that you can’t seem to kick? Our commitment to following Christ is tested over and over, oftentimes in similar ways. Through this purification, God continues to heal us. I get discouraged and berate myself for “never learning” and falling into the same traps. This self-talk around failure is one way the false spirit exploits me: telling me I’m not capable of change, that I’m stupid and weak and will never be enough.

St. Ignatius lived into these three workings of the false spirit. He struggled to name them so that all of those who would use his Spiritual Exercises in the future would also grow in the ability to call out the enemy in our midst.

The donut, the shame, the guilt. None of these are the real enemy. The real enemy wins when we allow these tensions and fears to overshadow God. We have convinced ourselves that we must be the makers of our own destiny (at all costs), and we choose our own fleeting happiness over all else.

 

Go Deeper:

A dear friend, Sr. Leanne Hubbard SND has made cartoon panels depicting the Rules for Discernment. Her panels on the discernment of spirits are excellent. See the previous blogs on Rules 1 – 11:Rules 1 and 2 by Jean Heaton Rules 3 and 4 by  Mary Ann Gessner Rules 5 and 6 by  Melinda LeBlancRules 7 and 8 by Liz AcevesRule 9 by Gretchen CrowderRules 10 and 11 by Monique JacobsFor a full text of the First Set of Rules of Discernment, explore Timothy Gallagher, OMV‘s short and simple translation or David Fleming SJ’s translation.

 

A Guide to Ignatian Discernment: Saving the Good Stuff for Later

As far back as I can remember I have saved important stuff for a future need. Saving handwritten letters from my European grandparents on lightweight blue airmail sheets – very important. Saving my Halloween candy as a child – until my sisters absconded with my reserves – yes, important! Yet, perhaps most revealing of all was my desire to save my allowance instead of spend it. I weighed purchases very carefully. 

This childhood tendency of saving things for later has followed me well into adulthood. There is a sense of security in knowing that I have something in my back pocket, which far surpasses the immediate pleasure and comfort of accessing everything at once. Somewhat like ‘banking’ my assets for leaner days. This is a revealing parallel to my spiritual journey. Saving the good stuff for later has formed patterns that still affect my interior life. Choices for small things – carefully saving the good stuff –  often influence realities more weighty – an intentionality about how I can prepare myself for when my spiritual life wanes.

Ignatius offers a similar strategy in his Rules regarding discernment in our spiritual lives. Rule 9, considered last week, wrestles with why we might find ourselves in spiritual desolation; desolation being a time without the spiritual confidence and comfort we long for. Exploring Rules 10 & 11, we return to consolation; the experience when we can breathe in deeply for a moment without struggle, the comfort of a deeper sense of interior alignment and harmony, experiencing what our head and our heart know to be true about our relationship with God. Here we reconsider the relationship between these two contrasting realities. 

In Rule 10 Ignatius expounds, “Let the one who is in consolation think how he will conduct himself in the desolation which will come after, taking new strength for that time.” 

We have all experienced the joy of good times, of surmounting a ridiculously difficult challenge and feeling as though, finally – finally – we have learned our lesson or made that critical, interior connection that we have struggled with for years. For one exquisite interval, the pattern of the roller coaster of our lives slips from our minds! Ignatius doesn’t throw a wet towel over our joy. With this Rule, he encourages the spiritually aware individual to use the time of consolation to prepare for what will inevitably come. Rule 10 is all about planning. Take the time when you are not distracted by desolation to plan how you will better manage the darker times. What are your vulnerabilities? Where do you tend to go, mentally, when the light of contact with the Divine dims? Become wise in the patterns of your desolation – don’t be caught off guard. Store up a supply ‘of remembering’ as a defense against that day. As first steps in my preparation, perhaps I: 

Name the weak areas within me. In prayer, I bring these emotional territories to God. I ask the Lord for insight and healingIf appropriate, I bring these weak areas to my support network Commit myself to the practice of prayer especially when I feel fragileSet aside fear and anxiety, choosing to be proactive rather than reactiveFind practical ways to remind myself of the nearness of God’s Spirit 

These points help lay the groundwork for Ignatius’ Rule 11.

Rule 11: “Let one who is consoled seek to humble himself and lower himself as much as he can, thinking of how little he is capable in the time of desolation without such grace or consolation. On the contrary, let one who is in desolation think that he can do much with God’s sufficient grace to resist all his enemies, taking strength in his Creator and Lord.”

Rule 11 isn’t just recommending that we go to our knees and utter mea culpas, beating our breasts with the humility we think is necessary. Rule 11 is actually reminding us that, like Ignatius, we can do all things through Christ! Our consolation is not our own doing. We didn’t bring on the spiritual oasis, or frankly, we would simply live there. In the same way, we do not bring on our desolation – it is not because of something we have intentionally failed to do. We open ourselves to be as responsive to the mysterious work of God as possible. Humbled by the consideration that these patterns of perceived light and darkness will be our human reality. We are humbled by this thought but not defeated! ‘Your grace is enough,’ was Saint Ignatius’ constant mantra. In this way, we grow in the ability to see God in all things whether in desolation or consolation. We are not alone. With grace, we bank our reserves for leaner times. We give thanks with an overflowing heart and take our strength from the God who loves us.

Go Deeper:

Imaginative Prayer: Rules 10 & 11 rely on our imagination for when we will feel less connected to the Divine. Check out Becky’s Guided Imaginative Prayer resources for deeper reflection using the sacred, powerful tool of your imagination.The Examen: there is no better way to keep track of where you have been and where you are going – which makes for a solid foundation for reviewing desolation and consolation. Check out Becky’s audio Examen offeringsRead about an energetic, inventive group in Atlanta – BEE at Peace – which focuses on women of color who bring beauty out of pain, who have found consolation in the face of desolation, leading, as well, to their formation as Ignatian spiritual directors.Review the writings of the previous installments of the 14 Rules for DiscernmentPray with Ignatius his prayer of surrender

 

Photo by Parvanah Saladino

 

A Guide to Ignatian Discernment: Desolation, A Quite Unwelcome Place to Be

Desolation is a tricky subject to write about. At least, I think it is. After all, sometimes the spiritual desolation I feel is hard to describe to another person, especially if I’m trying to reason out why it is plaguing me. Spiritual desolation has come into my life when things are going epicly wrong, and that is somewhat easy to explain. But it has also come into my life when things are going well, and that is much harder to put into words. Sometimes, I can see it coming, and sometimes I can not. Regardless, its occasional presence is unavoidable.

When desolation comes, it is often easy for me to not examine its cause but instead give into the feelings it creates. It can make me distance myself from others. It can make me give up on the things I enjoy. It can make me feel bored and lazy and detached. When desolation comes, it is often easy for me to jump right into trying to solve it myself by making big changes to see if I can manufacture the consolation I desire. 

Ignatius understood the pitfalls that we, as human beings, can fall into when desolation comes. He understood them because he fell into the same ones himself time and time again. So, in his rules for discernment, he paid careful attention to desolation. In particular, in rule 9, Ignatius offered us some reasons for why we feel desolation. He was clear to note that God doesn’t create desolation, but God also allows us to experience it for a few key reasons:

We are being lazy or negligent in developing our relationship with God; We have forgotten how to love and praise God in the absence of consolation;We have forgotten that we need God and the grace God offers us;

In thinking about the best way to reflect on this rule and how I’ve battled with it in my own life, I decided to share a prayer I wrote during my most recent battle with desolation. I hope it helps you whenever you find yourself battling your own spiritual desolation. I hope it helps you remember that consolation is always just around the corner. I hope it helps you feel less alone.

This Unwelcome Place

By Gretchen Crowder

Lord,

I find myself

in an unexpected,

and quite unwelcome

place these days.

 

It feels lonely here,

and quiet…

so very quiet.

I feel a bit tired

and this lack

of something

has become

all I can see.

(Click here for full prayer).

Go Deeper:

I Saw You There by Gretchen CrowderPraying When It’s Hard – Praying in Desolation by Jen CoitoSee the previous blogs on Rules 1 – 8:Rules 1 and 2 by Jean Heaton Rules 3 and 4 by  Mary Ann Gessner Rules 5 and 6 by  Melinda LeBlancRules 7 and 8 by Liz Aceves For a full text of the First Set of Rules of Discernment, explore Timothy Gallagher, OMV‘s short and simple translation or David Fleming SJ’s translation. Explore our discernment resource section on the website.  

 

Photo by Atharva Tulsi on unsplash.com 

 

A Guide to Ignatian Discernment: Why Me?

Training to run half marathons was second nature to me. The rush of the challenge excited me and running was my prayer time. This is where I had the best conversations with God. The past two years I started finding it difficult to wake up at 5:30 am to go for a run. My energy level was not the same. What is happening to me?  I asked. I didn’t feel like myself in my own body. 

Then it happened, my doctor said to me, “You are getting older these symptoms are normal.” I thought, normal, normal for who? 

Then it began, everything started changing. In the next weeks I struggled with how to deal with the symptoms of my body changing because I was getting older. I received the news that my mom has been diagnosed with dementia, I had a cancer scare, and I was questioning if I should stay in education. I kept asking, Why me?

St. Ignatius’ Rules of Discernment help us navigate through these times of trials. A time for Resistance, Rule 7, helped me see there is a greater purpose for the circumstances I am currently facing. In his book The Discernment of Spirits, Fr. Timothy Gallagher, O.M.V. tell us:

 “Persons in spiritual desolation should consider that such desolation is a trial permitted by the Lord; they should consider the nature of the trial; and finally, they should consider the divine purpose in allowing this trial to occur.” 

Every trial brings us to the exact place we need to be at that given moment. When we are open to God’s divine presence, we come out of our trial stronger than when we started.

A few weeks ago I walked into the hospital imaging center with my husband. As I walked in, he was told he could not go in with me. I realized that when I would come back our lives could possibly be changed forever. As the tests began and I laid in the examining bed staring at the ceiling, all I could think of was our two son’s, Alex and Joey.  I prayed to God for strength for whatever the diagnosis was going to be. That was the longest hour of my life as the x-rays and ultrasound were being done. The nurse came back to the room to tell me what they saw was a benign cyst. As I walked back to the waiting room where my husband, Bryant, was waiting for me, we hugged for the longest time. I walked out of there feeling so much gratitude. Then I thought of the women who would receive a different diagnosis. I prayed for them all, I didn’t know what else to do but pray. Certain situations around me now seem so trivial. I realize I need to focus on solutions in my life and my spiritual relationship with God.

A few months ago, I received a beautiful gift in the mail from my friend, Jeri, as a thank you for continuing to run the Inner Chapel prayer gathering group. It was the book Surrender All: An Illuminated Journal Retreat Through the Stations of the Cross by Jen Norton. The exercise for station 14, Jesus is Laid in the Tomb, asks the reader to write a letter from Jesus to you. What would Jesus say to you if he found you in desolation and alone, what words of comfort would he give you?

I would like to share that letter with you:

Dear Liz

I love you. I know you and see you.

I have forgiven your sins.

Know that you are never alone. 

I am always with you.

In those moments that you are

feeling weak

I am right beside you.

I am there holding you up.

I place people in your path to

guide you and support you in those times of need.

Hold on to prayer especially when

you don’t feel like praying or think I don’t hear you.

I am there holding your hand.

I love you.

I see you.

I am with you.

You are never alone.

My daughter.

Love,

Jesus

As I prayed through this time of desolation one thing was clear to me: I could not forget how much Jesus loves me and that every trial I am currently facing is for a greater purpose, to help me grow spiritually to the woman God is calling me to be. During this time, I have prayed endlessly for patience. I do not have answers for some of these challenges I am still currently facing. But, as St. Ignatius’ rule 8, A Time for Patience, states “let one who is in desolation work to be in patience”. I continue to pray for the grace of patience and trust. I know more than ever that I am not alone. 

Why me? Why not me.

Go Deeper:

See the previous blogs on Rules 1 – 6: Rules 1 and 2 by Jean Heaton Rules 3 and 4 by  Mary Ann Gessner Rules 5 and 6 by  Melinda LeBlancConsider reading The Discernment of Spirits by Timothy M. Gallagher, O.M.V.Consider reading Surrender All: An Illuminated Journal Retreat through the Stations Of the Cross by Jen Norton“I alone know the plans I have for you, to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for. Then you will call to me. You will come and play to me, and I will answer you. You will seek me, and you will find me because you will seek me with all your heart.” –Jeremiah 29: 11-13

 

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A Guide to Ignatian Discernment: A Spiritual Vaccine

I have a friend who had serious time management problems.  She was always late.  Seriously late. This included Sunday mass, even though she loved the liturgy and the spiritual community she was with each week.  Then one day she shared with me that she had stopped going to Sunday mass.  She said she just couldn’t get there on time and that she hated walking in late.  “Everyone looks at me and frowns at me.  I feel so ashamed and I feel like a big lazy disappointment to God. If I can’t get there on time, what’s the point of me going at all?”  My friend was in desolation. 

Spiritual desolation is somewhat like the COVID virus.  Just like the physical virus, when it infects us, it can put us out of commission temporarily.  Many times, we don’t see it coming, and by the time we realize we have it, we are not our best self.  But the good thing about both of these is that there are ways to treat both.  In the case of COVID, we have preventive measures and several vaccines.  When we are in spiritual desolation, we have a spiritual vaccine, St. Ignatius’ Rules for Discernment of Spirits.  These rules taken together are St. Ignatius’ vaccine against the spiritual “dis-ease” of desolation.   Each individual rule is a booster shot of wisdom, building on each preceding rule.  I especially like Rules 5 and 6 – those are the “wipe out desolation” rules! 

So, back to my friend.  How did I know she was in desolation?  The main clue was she had stopped attending church, something that before her desolation was giving her spiritual support.  Other clues were her use of absolutes (everyone looks, everyone frowns), negative self worth (ashamed, lazy, a disappointment), and hopelessness (what’s the point?).  Of course none of this was from God, who never wants us to feel this way about ourselves.

She needed booster shots of spiritual awareness and action, and that’s just what discernment Rules 5 and 6 can  deliver!  

Rule 5 states that “In time of desolation we should never make any change, but remain firm and constant in the resolution and decision which guided us the day before the desolation…”  

When we are in spiritual desolation, we are being led away from God by the false spirit.  When the false spirit leads, we’re being led into a troubling place.  We are turned inward, our focus not on God but on our despairing inner self.   So it follows that any decision we make in this frame of heart will not be a good one and will bring us farther away from God and God’s desires for us.  We should never change a decision we made in consolation when we are in desolation.

Rule 6 is also about taking action:  …”It will be very advantageous to intensify our activity against the desolation.  We can insist more upon prayer, upon meditation, and upon much examination of ourselves.  We can  make an effort in a suitable way to do some penance.”  .  

Let’s look at each component of Rule 6:

Prayer – This might be the hardest time to pray, but it’s what we must do.  When we feel the movement of desolation, we need God’s help and Ignatius invites us to petition God for help.  Admit you are in a low spot spiritually.  Being vulnerable before God always gives hope.  And God’s hope will always defeat desolation.    

Meditation – Ignatius invites us to spend time with scripture, good memories and experiences, and previous times of consolation.  Recall those times now, relish them and realize that they are a sign that God is still with you and ready to be with you again.  Look to a favorite scripture passage for encouragement.

Much examination – We should move from ourselves in desolation to reflecting on ourselves in desolation.  When we reflect on ourselves in desolation, we think about when the desolation started, what caused it, and what we can do to move out of it.  When we work to understand our desolation, we can, with God’s help, begin to move out of it.  

Suitable penance –  Perhaps we could do something nice for someone, spend more time with spiritual readings, or do something contrary to the stuckness we are feeling and give glory to God.  

Notice these rules as applicable to my friend.  As we talked, she recognized that the false spirit was moving in her by focusing her on her tendency to be late.  She spiraled into self-absorption and negativity. That’s when she changed her consolation decision to attend mass to a desolation decision to stop going, depriving her of spiritual support and graces.  Without this support and grace, she continued to spiral even further into desolation.    

With this awareness and understanding, my friend realized it was time to take action. She went to prayer and focused on the Eucharist in scripture.  She also recalled how attending mass invigorated  her.  She realized she missed that spiritual support.  She was eventually able to ask God for the desire to return to mass,  she began visualizing Jesus standing at the door of her church, welcoming her with open arms no matter what time she arrived.  Church was her spiritual home, a safe place where she could be herself with a loving, welcoming God.  I’m happy to say she returned to Sunday mass and has stayed faithful in attending.  

These times of COVID can be difficult times in which to live and pray. Time in desolation can be difficult also.  The good news is that there are remedies for covid and spiritual desolation. St. Ignatius’ Rules for Discernment is the vaccine to help us recognize, understand and act on spiritual desolation. The next time you feel  yourself slipping into spiritual desolation, roll up your sleeve and  get a dose of Rules 5 and 6.  They’re good for what ails you!

Go Deeper:

See the previous blogs on Rules 1 – 4 posted here by Jean Heaton (Rules 1 and 2) and Mary Ann Gessner (Rules 3 and 4) for great insights on discernment.God’s grace is always sufficient to sustain us and move us to consolation. The next time you feel yourself spiraling into desolation, just remember the words of St. Paul’s letter to the Philipians:  “I can do all things in Him who strengthens me.”  (Phil 4:13)Fr. Mark Thibodeaux’s book God’s Voice Within is a good source for learning about the inner movement of spirits and decision-making.

 

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A Guide to Ignatian Discernment: How do I land this plane?

Don’t let the white hair fool you, I’m not yet 4 years old…in Ignatian Spirituality terms, that is.   The thought of writing my first Into the Deep piece has me pestered by internal voices calling me out as an imposter. What were you thinking saying yes?  You don’t know anything about this and you can’t write that well either!  Those internal voices have the cold, hard edge of authority that comes with long practice and arrogance.  I have believed them for years.

About three years ago, a familiar soul-whisper gently and persistently encouraged me to sign up for Becky’s Overwhelmed No More online retreat.  The world was in COVID lockdown.  I was retired.  I had time for such things.  Six weeks of praying every day! What are you thinking?  You can’t remember to take vitamins every day!  Back and forth alternating soft and loud, yes and no.  The gentle whisper won and so did I.  My life’s transformation began in that retreat.  There I “met” St. Ignatius.  I loved his down to earth, clear and practical approach to prayer and his relationship with God.  He knew human nature and as a leader, he took his job of supporting his troops seriously, even those living 500 years away in a small village in Vermont.  

Discernment is used a lot in Ignatian Spirituality because, for Ignatius, this was the way to a closer relationship with God. Ignatius started with the basics.  Good and evil, grace and sin.  We move away from God when we sin (Rule 1).  We move toward God when we allow God’s Spirit to guide us to God’s love (Rule 2).  Ignatius’ genius was to acknowledge and use his humanity, all that God had given him, to interact with the God he came to know and love.  Through the work of Fr. Timothy Gallagher, OMV’s Discernment of Spirits, my journey deeper into prayer became more intentional.  I began to understand discernment as recognizing signs of grace (consolation) and distraction (desolation).  Those voices, my companions through life, had names…the Holy Spirit and the enemy. 

St. Ignatius wrote the Rules to help us understand the movement of these spirits in our lives. In Rules 3 and 4, he explains for us what those movements are. I often think of the Holy Spirit as my personal air traffic controller…the voice of Consolation (as explained in Rule 3) is calm and gentle, whispering encouragement, memories, clarity, hope, and trust to guide me on my journey into the deeper relationship that God and I long for.  Ignatius compared consolation to a sponge being gently filled by a soft rain of grace.  When moved to tears when I am praying, I chuckle that my sponge is overflowing.  Consolation can also be a nudge to make me just uncomfortable enough to get back on course, to stay on the path grace has brought me.  In consolation we breathe gently and allow the graces, the love of God to soak into our hearts and minds. It is a time of nurturing rest for the heart, a time to savor and be grateful.  We want to remember these moments. 

Remember all those yelling, exclamation-pointed criticisms?  That is not the Holy Spirit.  That is the enemy trying to get me away from the “clutches” of grace and goodness, away from God.  That is desolation (as explained in Rule 4).   Ignatius has an image for that.  Those thoughts, he said, are like a stone on which rain smacks hard.  That rain does damage, erodes the path I’m on, confuses me, distracts, and disorients.  That rain might start off soft but soon it is hard and sharp and hurts.  There can be tears here, too.  We can feel lost, abandoned, and confused.  That is the enemy’s plan.  I’ve come to consider desolation a backhanded compliment.  If the enemy is working this hard to slow me down, I must be on the right track.  

God’s grace is in desolation, too.  Here, the Holy Spirit helps us see and understand how the enemy is moving us away from God.  The enemy’s element of surprise is lost!  We receive the grace to remember the times of consolation we have cherished.  This is the Holy Spirit’s powerful grace whispering comforting reassurance that we are not alone. God is with us.   Those memories are grace helping us believe and trust that this darkness won’t last.  It can’t.  Light always overcomes darkness.  God keeps us safe regardless of what desolation tells us. 

The Holy Spirit is gifted to us to companion us, to help us live and land safely.  Don’t take your seat belt off yet.  Take a moment.  Take a breath and smile, even laugh and whisper a prayer of gratitude.  Ask for the grace to be aware of the Holy Spirit…always.

Go Deeper:

Experience the retreat that set me on a new path!  Overwhelmed No More: A Community Journey through Ignatian Discernment Wisdom begins June 20th. Fr. Gallagher’s book, Discernment of Spirits , is an opportunity to sit with St. Ignatius and allow him to walk us through the Rules.  The companion workbook is a great resource to help integrate the Rules and to see how they apply in our personal lives and journey to an intimate, deeper relationship with God.  Listen to “We are not alone, God is with us” by Mark J

 

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A Guide to Ignatian Discernment: Stop and Ask for Directions

There is a large shopping mall near my home. The hallway connecting the stores forms a circle. Unless I find a map kiosk, illustrating a diagram of the mall and its stores, with a star revealing, ‘you are here,’ I tend to take the long way around. Knowing where I am helps orient me. 

Ignatius’ rules for the discernment of spirits serves as a map of sorts to help us note where we are in our relationship to God. We can get so mired in the details of everyday life that we lose track of where we are.  Ignatius asks us to stop and ask ourselves, Am I walking towards God or away from God? Is my life leaning on the will of God or am I leaning on self-will?  It seems to be a simple litmus test. But is it?

Let me share a recent example with you: I was hosting a recovery retreat for families affected by the addictions of others. Our group was discussing how difficult it is to accept that we are  powerless over the people we love when their actions are harmful. There was one quiet mom who shared that she’d finally accepted that she was powerless over her son. But then in the next breath, she was hatching a plan to change his behavior. Everyone in the group noticed what she was doing except her. I wondered how she could be so blind to what she was doing.

Six months later this same mom showed up at another recovery retreat. She was still stuck in those same patterns of behavior. I prayed for wisdom to help her wake up to what she was doing. The rules for the discernment of spirits immediately came to mind. 

I told the group that those first two rules for the discernment of spirits reminded me of what Chinese general Sun Tzu said in his book, The Art of War:

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

Laying out the Modis operandi (Mode of Operation) of both God and the enemy, side by side helps us notice whose voice we’ve been listening to. 

In the first rule we look at the person who is going from mortal sin to mortal sin: 

The enemy will encourage them to continue  on this path by helping them imagine sensual delights and pleasures. God will bite and sting them through their consciences to discourage this harmful path.

Simply put, the enemy is going to encourage you to choose the things that hurt you. If we remember the fall of man in Genesis 3, we know that he uses lies, fear, shame, doubt, and blame as his tools of manipulation.

God discourages any action that is harmful to us. God’s actions communicate the unconditional love that God has for us.

In the second rule, we observe the person who is working on cleansing their sins. They are moving from good to better in following God’s will for their life:

In this case the enemy will bite, sadden and put obstacles in the way, disquieting the person. God will give courage to this person. He will offer strength, consolations, tears, inspirations and remove obstacles.

In the second rule we see that their tactics flip. God encourages us along a path that leads to our good while the enemy discourages. 

For a parent, letting a child go when they are harming themselves runs counter to everything  they have done since their child was born. I asked this mom, “When the voices in your head ask, ‘What kind of mother abandons their child in a situation like this,’ where do you think that voice is coming from?” A look of understanding washed over her face. It was clear that she knew that she hadn’t been listening to the voice of God.

What if when you hear that voice, you ask God to show you the next right step? What if you pause and wait for guidance? When we edge God out (ego) of our situations, we are turning away from God. We are headed in the wrong direction. But the minute we stop and ask for help, we are heading in God’s direction.

To help visualize these rules let’s imagine that there is a map kiosk guiding us between love and fear. The rules that describe the enemy show me how he encourages me to continue in a way that hurts me. But the rules pertaining to God show me that when I am moving forward in a way that will hurt me, God discourages me. When I allow God to lead me, I am encouraged. This idea aligns with my understanding of God who loves me.

Do you know where you are? Do you know where you’re going? Will you stop and ask for direction?

Go Deeper:

Visit Jean’s website, to learn more about her ministry that offers retreats, books, resources, and support for those faced with addiction.  If you are looking for a Recovery Retreat, join Jean at Ignatius House in Atlanta.Watch Becky and Brenda Bertrand talk with Fr. Timothy Gallagher, OMV about Discernment in Turbulent Times. Consider these guidelines from Rev. Warren Sazama, S.J. on Ignatian Principles for Making Prayerful Decisions.Read more from Becky:What Blocks us From Accepting God’s Love for UsRestlessness: Our Wake Up CallPray With:A Prayer for Spiritual FreedomSuscipe, the Radical Prayer

 

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