Becky Eldredge's Blog, page 5

Consolation Beyond a Smile – What is Consolation?

What is Consolation?

A few weeks ago I was sitting on my bed folding a load of laundry as my children were finishing up their homework. After only a few minutes, my youngest son climbed onto the bed for a hug. When I told him to go play, he giggled and asked, “Mama, will you marry me?”  I smiled back and reminded him for the umpteenth time that kiddos can’t marry their Mamas, and then I told him to go play.

A few minutes later, the same giggling five-year-old came back, and the conversation was repeated. After the third or fourth time, I scooped him up and asked, “Why do you want to marry Mama so much?”

“Because I just love you a lot. I love you the most, Mama.”

I squeezed him close, and told him I loved him the most, as tears welled in my eyes. I got a quick Thank you, God out in my mind before he ran off to play with his brother.

I savored this moment as I continued folding clothes. I was able to have a quick moment in prayer thanking God for reminding me how loved I am. I thanked God for the bone-deep sense of joy I felt experiencing a closeness to God through my son. I thanked God for the gift of my children, even when the days seem full of chaos trying to juggle all the things this gift offers. I thanked God for this moment of consolation.  

We hear the words consolation and desolation often in Ignatian Spirituality. So, what is consolation? Consolation is an increase of faith, hope, or love. It’s a movement of the Spirit that brings us closer to God. Consolation is a moment that often brings a sense of bone-deep joy, a moment that often leaves me speechless and in awe of God’s love and presence in my life.

One may think of consolation as “good” and desolation as “bad”, but it isn’t always that cut and dried. You can experience a moment of consolation from the words of a friend or loved one when your heart is broken from loss. You can experience a moment of consolation from the kind actions of a colleague on a hard day at work. You can experience a moment of consolation in prayer, with your children, with your partner, your friends. You can experience a moment of consolation while enjoying time in God’s creation while sitting outside, while taking a walk, or while relaxing on the beach. We can experience consolation in big and small ways, in the extraordinary and ordinary moments of our lives.

In this next blog series, Consolation Beyond a Smile, our Into the Deep writers will share how they’ve experienced moments of consolation in their lives. As you read and reflect on these experiences of consolation over the next several weeks, I encourage you to notice when you have experienced a moment of consolation in your life. As you begin to reflect on and thank God for these moments, you may find yourself in awe of this bone-deep joy you experience in the happy and sad moments, in the hard and ordinary moments, in the big and small moments of our lives. Savor these feelings. Soak in the experience of God’s goodness and closeness in your life. Cherish these moments of consolation, these moments that bring us closer to God. Bask in the goodness of this gift from God as God whispers to us “Because I just love you a lot. I love you the most.”

Going Deeper

Read more about The Difference Between Consolation and Feeling Good in this excerpt from Margaret Silf’s Inner Compass.

Read more about consolation from Becky in Listening for God in Consolation.

Read about savoring consolation from Monique in Saving the Good Stuff for Later.

Photo by Sagar Kulkarni on Unsplash

The Need is the Call – How do I Stand in my Call?

How do I Stand in my Call?

Over the past few weeks, “Into the Deep” writers have shared their personal stories about following through on their calling, despite facing challenges. Scripture tells us that the needs of those around us drive our calling. The guidance of the Spirit helps us discover the direction to say yes to the call. Now, we know where the calling is and how to say yes. But how do we stand firm in our call?

I started the Spiritual Exercises four weeks ago. Initially, I gained some profound insights during my prayer time. My spiritual director tells me at the end of our meetings, “Let your God love you.” I finally took to heart those words this past week. I realized that if I allow myself to feel God’s love, God will empower me to remain dedicated to my purpose. On the first day of the fourth week of the spiritual exercises, I prayed with the scripture Luke 1:26-38 The Annunciation, when the angel Gabriel appeared to Mary:

“But she was greatly troubled at what was said and pondered what sort of greeting this might be. Then the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus.”

Mary’s unwavering faith in the Lord allowed her to answer the call. Mary fulfilled humanity’s greatest need for salvation without fully comprehending the significance of her actions. Mary relied on drawing closer to God to remain strong as Jesus’ mother. She frequently pondered and trusted that she was not alone in her journey. By following where God led her, she found the strength to fulfill her calling, knowing that God always provides what we need.

I dreamed of becoming a teacher since I was a little girl. I’ve always enjoyed learning. However, as I prepared for college, I heard negative comments about the profession, such as “low pay,” “too much work,” and “not worth it.” I waivered on my commitment to my dream of teaching by opting for a degree in business management. The money was good, but I found myself needing more.

After being laid off during the 2008 market crash, I became a stay-at-home mom raising our young family for two years. My husband encouraged me to use the “break” as an opportunity to think about my calling first and my career second. I realized my dream of becoming a teacher was still alive. This time, I followed my dream. People will still comment negatively about the profession, and I do not waiver.

For the past 12 years, I strived to be the best teacher my students need in the face of many professional challenges. By leaning into my relationship with God, I receive the graces I need to fulfill my call. Over the years, I have formed meaningful relationships with many students and cherish all the moments, laughter, and tears. My calling is to be there for my students in times of happiness and sorrow. 

In one of Becky’s retreats, I heard her say, “We need to be the light to what we see.” What needs do you see around you? It can be volunteering at your local library, driving a sick parent to a doctor’s appointment, becoming a teacher or doctor, or listening to a friend in need. We all have gifts God gives us to serve those in our life. So, how can we be more like Mary? Even though, at times, we might be afraid or unsure of the call; we draw near to God. We pray and grow in our relationship with God. We remember that we are never alone.

Little by little, as our relationship with Jesus grows, things in your life become more evident. Our priorities change, and we start living our call with conviction. God gives us everything we need to stand firm in our call.

I wrote this short prayer on the third week of the spiritual exercises and want to share it with you all.

Lord,
Your love for us has no measure.
Your mercy is infinite.
Time and time again, you show us the way.
You renew us with your love.
Lord, I desire to walk with you.

 

Going Deeper

The Ignatian Adventure: Experiencing the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius in Daily Life by Kevin O’Brien, SJ 

Days of Deepening Friendship: For the Woman Who Wants Authentic Life with God by Vinita Wright

Read more about letting your God love you in our Fully Loved blog series.

Photo by Emmanuel Phaeton on Unsplash

The Need is the Call – What if I Can’t See a Way to Use My Gifts?

What if I Can’t See a Way to Use My Gifts?

When I dump out the 500 pieces of a new puzzle, the colors and shapes all jumble together. All the pieces are there but the picture those pieces will form is still fragmented. Gradually, as I work, the nuances of color, perspective, and texture become more distinct. Chaos begins to take shape. 

Sometimes I expend a lot of energy trying to make all the pieces of my life’s puzzle fit together perfectly. I cram a piece that is too big in where it does not belong (and then later find myself undoing that whole section in order to start over). I despair as I look at the large gaps. I focus on that one, weird, misshapen piece that does not seem to fit anywhere.

Our personal vocations are like a puzzle that is gradually taking shape: God gifts us all the pieces that we need, but the image they will eventually make is incomplete.  As we sift through the pieces, the colors become more distinct and the image slowly emerges. God reveals our passions and interests to us, while also placing before us opportunities to use those gifts.  But what do we do when it seems like all we hold in our hands are those misshapen pieces with nowhere obvious to go?

This frustrating predicament has happened to me several times in my own life and the lives of those that are closest to me. What can we do in these moments?

The Missing Pieces

As a mother, wife, member of my extended family, and friend, I will never be enough. I see people juggling crazy schedules of activities and commitments and I think “what am I doing wrong?” I must be lacking in some key way because to add more or be more feels impossible. I am not just talking about social media FOMO, but comparing myself to the other people I see regularly who seem to get out of the house with their kids with much greater ease than I do. These other people seem to juggle being the den mother, room mother, and team mother while still finding time to get their hair cut on a regular basis. So what is wrong with me? What piece of the puzzle am I missing that would make me more successful, more helpful to others, and less stressed?

When the activity gets rained out or the meeting is canceled, I sometimes let out a huge sigh of relief. Why couldn’t I just say no in the first place? Because I want to give my kids every opportunity, I don’t want to let others down, and I am choosing things we will genuinely enjoy and grow from… but sometimes there are just too many of them…

I took great comfort in Vinita Hampton Wright’s post in January about my personal call to make Christ at the Center of My Life.  In this article, she reminded me that while God calls me to tend to my responsibilities in life (my work, my family, those around me), to make them the CENTER of my life will leave me constantly feeling dissatisfied and inadequate.  The pressure I place on myself overshadows the call to love that first comes from the way that God loves me. Perhaps the “missing pieces” are reminders that I cannot do everything on my own and that God is not asking that of me.

The Broken Pieces

In our family we call it a “Corgi tax”… somehow at least one puzzle piece always goes missing or gets chewed up by the family dog, thus never quite fitting correctly into its place.  Have you ever felt a deep call to a job or ministry opportunity, poured yourself completely into that call, and then had it fall completely apart? Sometimes it’s “burnout” from taking on too much, but other times a piece of our call gets torn or broken by hypocrisy or personnel conflict, or discordant visions. These challenges can trigger self-doubt but also God-doubt. Did God really call me to this place or this mission? Did I misinterpret the call? Our perspective is too clouded by hurt to see our own giftedness. Could God really still use the mangled pieces of my dreams to respond to a call?

The Extra Pieces

Every so often when you are putting together a puzzle that is not fresh out of the shrinkwrap, you find that a piece of the dinosaur puzzle has somehow made its way into the princess puzzle box. What if God has gifted me a calling that has nowhere to go in the Church and in the world? 

In his book The Holy Longing, Ronald Rolheiser says:

 “ Our deep longings are never really satisfied. What this means, among other things, is that we are not restful creatures who sometimes get restless, fulfilled people who sometimes are dissatisfied, serene people who sometimes experience disquiet. Rather, we are restless people who occasionally find rest, dissatisfied people who occasionally find fulfillment, and disquieted people who occasionally find serenity.”

I have come to believe that God plants these seeds of vocation in people, even if they will never come to fruition. They are holy longings that urge us forward to be a church that welcomes more people into the family.  A calling with no obvious way to express it encourages creative response and ingenuity. But sometimes, the faithfulness to the call comes in the pain of waiting for its fulfillment. Sometimes I feel like a dinosaur piece that found its way into the princess puzzle and just refuses to leave.

Above all, I have found that responding to the call involves trusting in God’s slowly unfolding mystery. Do I truly believe that whatever image God is making with me will be beautiful?

Going Deeper

Becky Eldredge’s article on “Knowing God’s Call”.

Vinita Hampton Wright’s blog post on “Putting your Gifts in Action”.

Vinita Hampton Wright’s blog, that launched our blog series this year, on “Christ’s Call to be the Center of My Life” 

Photo by Hans-Peter Gauster on Unsplash 

The Need is the Call – Responding to the Suffering We See With Jesus

Responding to the Suffering we see with Jesus

“Everything you need is in the room.”  “Trust the process.”  These are the two sentences I have lived and learned with for the past 12 months of Chaplaincy training.  Much of our work with hospital patients is entering a room without knowing a patient or what brought them to the hospital.  All we have is the person in the room, our observation skills interpreted by our senses, and a willingness to be still, to listen to what is said and unsaid with an open heart and mind.  Everyone has a story and the telling often opens a door to Sacred Space. 

“Everything you need is in the room.”  “Trust the process.”  Hasn’t Jesus been saying the same thing throughout this Easter season?  When He said “Mary” to Magdalene in the garden and when He acted clueless with the two men walking to Emmaus, wasn’t He seeing their pain and responding?  Healing begins with presence and intentional listening. In every encounter, Jesus is present.   He listens with all His senses and His heart.  He sees where the pain is and then He waits for an invitation.  “What would you have me do?”  Can’t you hear Him thinking, “Please ask me.  Open your heart so I can enter.”  Pretending to be journeying beyond Emmaus was a brilliant way to give the sorrow-dulled minds of the two men time to step out of their analyzing and allow their hearts to remember hospitality and realize how much they were enjoying Jesus’s presence. 

Jesus has as many ways of touching people as there are people in pain.  Sometimes, as with Mary Magdalene and Thomas, Jesus is so conscious of their paralyzing suffering that He speaks it for them.  Their desperate invitation to Him, their lament is so intimate and humble there is no membrane dividing them from Jesus’s compassion.  

Jesus trusted the process. He models for us how we are to follow Him.  Our yes, our trust, allows Him to continue His mission of compassion and healing.  Chaplaincy is the path I was led to but everyone has a path.  Even when we don’t know what it is or where we are going, Jesus does. When our heart burns with desire like the men on the Emmaus road, He is here with us.  “Seeing God means being ready to see him in unexpected people, places and ways. It means living with our eyes and our hearts open. Because wherever you are, there is your Emmaus.” James Martin, S.J.

That desire opens us to see and hear as Jesus sees and hears.  Let’s try something for a moment.  How often have we heard someone say, “I’m fine” in a brittle, higher than usual pitch, and we intuitively know they aren’t.  Step into Imaginative prayer, see through Jesus’s eyes.  Reflect on that incident you are remembering.  That intuition you have is a grace. Our memories in these moments are the whisper of the Spirit. They are prayers because the Spirit is showing us something important.  You and Jesus notice some tears or a stiff posture.  Jesus pauses or better, sits down, hands in His lap, looking gently and calmly at the person and repeats as a statement, “You’re fine.”  Then He waits quietly, as long as it takes, but likely not for long.  “No, I’m not fine…I’m a mess…” and all the pain under those words pours out. Here in the depths of sadness and suffering, Jesus can bring light and healing.  This isn’t a teaching, analytical moment.  That might come later.  This is compassionate heart space…Sacred Space.  This is where healing happens.  Here is where Jesus longs to be and where He is in every opportunity we offer Him.

In prayer, in our memories, and in our everyday lives we encounter people in pain. When we can’t bear the thought of being far from Jesus, we are drawn into His wounded heart.  It is there we are able to see and respond with God.  It is there we can plumb the depths of suffering to be able to walk through it with them.  Jesus is with us as we become a companion on their journey.  We aren’t fixing anything.  That’s not our role.  Whatever our calling, we are intentionally with and for others in the space they find themselves. Here the heart understands unbounded by words. 

Ascension Thursday is this week.  In scripture we see Jesus working to the very last moment to give His disciples the strength to keep moving forward.  He tells them,

 “ I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate to be with you always, the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot accept, because it neither sees nor knows him. But you know him, because he remains with you, and will be in you. I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you. In a little while the world will no longer see me, but you will see me, because I live and you will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father and you are in me and I in you. Whoever has my commandments and observes them is the one who loves me. And whoever loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and reveal myself to him.”  John 14:16-21.  

As much as Jesus wanted to return to His Father, my heart aches for Him.  Saying goodbye, letting go is a suffering we all know too well. 

“Everything you need is in the room.”  “Trust the process.”   Jesus is with you.  

Going Deeper

Pray with The Merton Prayer, a prayer of trust.

My Lord God,

I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

nor do I really know myself,

and the fact that I think I am following your will

does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you

does in fact please you.

And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. 

And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,

though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always though

I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me,

and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. 

“The Merton Prayer” from Thoughts in Solitude

Photo on Unsplash by National Cancer Institute

 

The Need is the Call – Overcoming Overwhelm

Overcoming the Overwhelm: When a Call Feels Like Too Much

As people of faith, we have no shortage of spiritual figures to whom we can look as models of hearing and heeding a call from God. There are countless examples (some of my personal inspirations below in “Go Deeper”) in the Bible, within the Catholic tradition, and across other faith traditions or growing out of different foundations altogether. In recent weeks, Into the Deep authors Mary Ann, Monique, and Beth have shared some of their own experiences of call and vocation, and I imagine you can name ordinary people in your own life whose stories have touched yours. While we often focus on their “yes” responses to God’s call and to the needs of their world, it is easy to gloss over the challenges, doubts, and overwhelm that these people likely felt and that many of them voiced (some quite eloquently) on the path of living out the call God gave to them. Whether it was feeling too young or unskilled, sensing a magnitude of need far beyond their capabilities alone, being looked down upon because of gender, race, class, etc., or something else altogether, so many of those we lift up as being faithful to their call have stumbled, second-guessed, and felt ill-equipped for the mission before them.

From my earliest days as a hospital chaplain working in Labor & Delivery and the NICU, I recall a particularly trying shift where I had accompanied several families through immense grief and loss. In processing with a seasoned colleague, I said, “Maybe I’m just not as cut out for this level of pain as I thought I was. Maybe I can’t carry the stories of others in this way.” She sat with me, letting my words fill the room for a bit, before offering her own insight: “Maybe you’re not. But if you decide that you are, just remember, you’re not responsible for fixing the pain or grief you encounter. You’re responsible for being there with people through their deepest valleys and helping them feel God’s presence. God will fill those other needs they have through the people God sends.” 

Discernment, prayer, education, spiritual direction, an awareness of my own strengths and gifts–all of these things led me to tend to the seed God had planted within for pastoral ministry as a chaplain. Yet on days like the one described above, it sometimes felt too much, like I was in over my head. I was thrown into desolation, temporarily unable to feel grounded in God and in my call. I was overwhelmed by the brokenness we experience in our shared human experiences, by the tragedy of violence, by the unfairness of disease and accident, by the injustice of health inequity (and I still am). But recalling my colleague’s words helped me feel more resolute in God’s invitation to accompany and walk with others through their darkest moments. She recognized my sense of being overwhelmed, but she also reminded me that I wasn’t in this work alone. 

One of the things that my own journey as a chaplain has revealed to me is that responding to a call isn’t a one-and-done thing. Saying “yes” doesn’t mean that I will always feel affirmed in every moment of living out a call; in fact, there will be times that are full of exhaustion, of questioning, of second-guessing, of wondering if I should switch gears altogether. The sense of overwhelm that I can vividly remember feeling on the day described above has certainly diminished with time and experience, yet it creeps back in different, often subtle ways, and I am invited to renew my “yes” in the face of doubt and trial. I find this true in calls of partnership, parenthood, friendship, and church and civic involvements as well. And I recognize that some of the same things that helped me say “yes” initially are the things that keep me going when I’m overwhelmed in any of my calls–among them, prayer, spiritual direction, therapy, processing with colleagues/my partner/friends, and journaling. These moments are where I am reminded of the core of who I am and where I am brought back to those initial tugs on my heart and soul from God, inviting me to something deeper. 

Somehow, when I’m able to step back from those moments of feeling overwhelmed and take in the bigger picture (often retrospectively), I’m filled with gratitude for the opportunities I have. I’m thankful God has equipped me, that Ignatius’s own insights have helped fill my toolbox, that I even have the headspace and heartspace to deeply reflect on the invitations and opportunities extended to me. The overwhelm, the insurmountability, somehow morphs into gratitude that God knows me better than I know myself and calls me to be a small part of building God’s Kin-dom on earth.

Going Deeper

Read about the lives and experiences of some of those who have heard a call yet felt uncertain or overwhelmed at different points in pursuing it. Some possible considerations include: 

Biblical examples:  Jeremiah, Elijah, Naomi. Mary (Mother of Jesus), Jesus and PaulSaints & Modern Day Catholics: Servant of God Dorothy Day, the four U.S. churchwomen martyred in El Salvador, St. John of the Cross,  Blessed Franz Jägerstätter, St. Oscar Romero, and Greg Boyle, SJ

In times of feeling overwhelmed, consider incorporating some of these Scripture verses into your prayer, or use them as mantras as you continue to engage with your call.

Philippians 4:6-7 Jeremiah 1:6-8 Luke 22:41-42 

Explore the tools of Ignatian discernment further, perhaps focusing on the discernment of spirits and on desolation and consolation in light of uncertainty and overwhelm. 

Excerpts from The Inner Compass, by Margaret Silf on Loyola PressMary Ann Gessner’s 2022 Into The Deep blog post on Ignatian discernment5 Steps for Praying When You’re Overwhelmed from Busted HaloWhile feeling anxious and feeling overwhelmed aren’t exactly the same, these tips about praying through anxiety, shared by Vinita Hampton Wright, can be helpful

Photo by Jachan DeVol on Unsplash

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The Need is the Call – How Does God Want Me To Use My Gifts?

How Does God Want Me To Use My Gifts?

As a high school student, I competed in extemporaneous speaking on our speech team. Most of my classmates were intimidated by ‘extemp’! On the day of a competition, participants had one hour to prepare an original speech based on 3 possible prompt questions. While it was not always easy, I learned to thrive under pressure, and I worked hard to hone the skill of crafting a 5-7 minute impromptu speech. There was no way to be fully prepared, except to show up and do my best!

Over the years, I’ve taught math to high school students, facilitated retreats as a university campus minister, and given dozens of presentations in front of audiences of all sizes. While I didn’t win a single competition for extemporaneous speaking, it is a skill that I continue to use! 

We all have gifts! Some of those gifts are inborn talents like a particular aptitude for music, sports, or mathematics. Other skills are learned over the course of a career like accounting or responding to a medical emergency. Some people have the unique ability to provide encouragement, mentoring, or deep listening.  

All of who we are – with our gifts, skills, passions, and personality – is God’s gift to us! God’s presence is made known in the world when we use the raw material that God has given us to respond to a particular need.  

Recognizing our gifts and responding to a need: 

As we recognize and develop our unique talents, we become more fully and completely the person who God intends us to be. This aptitude for public speaking is more than a skill for me. When I stop and pay attention, it often feels like I am cooperating with God’s grace. 

As I reflected on the ways I’ve been invited to respond to a particular need through my public speaking, there are 4 things that I have noticed: 

1)The need appears when I least expect it.  I do a fair amount of speaking for my job, but I’m often surprised at how opportunities find me, even when I least expect it.  It’s as if God is saying, “Beth, I need you for this one.” 

I work for Catholic Relief Services, the church’s international emergency response and development agency. Last year, a local television reporter contacted our public relations team, and asked if they could interview someone in Chicago about CRS’ support for the people of Ukraine. Responding to media interviews is not my usual job! (And like my extemporaneous speaking days, I literally had an hour to prepare for a 5-minute interview!) It quickly became evident that I was the right person, in the right place, at the right time.  

2) We have confidence in our gifts. Confidence is our ability to have complete trust and to step in without hesitation, not in a boastful way, but by humbly accepting that we have the skills that are needed for the task at hand.  

A few weeks ago, in the middle of daily Mass, the priest suddenly fell ill. Everyone stood in stunned silence, as he excused himself and walked away from the altar. Once the sacristan made sure he was okay, she motioned for me to do something! I approached the altar and led the congregation in the Lord’s Prayer before distributing holy communion. I’m a regular Eucharistic Minister, so it felt like the most natural thing for me to do. Afterwards, a friend who was at Mass that morning said to me, “I don’t know that I would have the courage to do that!” 

3) People take notice. We all appreciate when other people take notice of our gifts, but taking notice is not about achieving a level of fame or amassing thousands of online clicks. How are other people being moved into action by our gifts?  How are we creating space for others to learn, grow, and celebrate alongside us?   

I was recently facilitating a webinar, and our main guest speaker canceled at the very last minute. It was the most stressful and nerve-wracking experience! I did my best to pivot the conversation, and I managed to maintain my composure, even while my heart was pounding out of my chest. One of my colleagues later commented, “I learn so much from watching your grace under pressure!” 

4) Our gifts are affirmed in prayer. Prayer is the foundation to any response, whether we are responding to a need spontaneously in the moment, or spending days, weeks, or even years discerning a particular call.  

I moved into a new position at work last year, and I spent a good portion of my summer retreat praying about the changes happening in our department. My spiritual director encouraged me to write my ideal job description. I literally took out markers and crayons, and drew images of myself teaching, preaching, leading, and facilitating workshops – all the things I love to do! As I sat with these images in prayer, I heard God whisper, “Beth, the world needs your voice.”  

I know this now in the core of my being. God wants me to continue using my voice, and I see how God uses my public speaking to respond to a wide array of needs. Where is God using your gifts to respond to the needs of the world? 

Going Deeper

1)Read and reflect on these scripture passages that speak about gifts:

1 Corinthians 12:4-11

Romans 12:3-8

2) There are a number of Spiritual Gift inventories that you can find online or in books, some are Catholic and others are not.  These self-assessments can help you apply the spiritual gifts to your own life.  

One highly respected example, the Catholic Spiritual Gifts Inventory,  is included as part of the Called & Gifted Program offered by St. Catherine of Siena Institute. 

3) Follow these simple steps for noticing and discerning your gifts:  

-Pray to the Holy Spirit for guidance. Ask God to show you the gifts that God has given to you.

-Pay attention throughout your day. What are those things that come naturally to you? What are those moments that bring out the best in you, even when there are challenges?

-Listen for affirmation. Often, we recognize our gifts, because someone else points them out to us. When you hear someone say “thank you” to you, what gift is at work at that moment?

-Put your gifts to use! Once you begin to identify a gift, become more intentional about putting that gift to use. Gifts from God bear fruit for others.  Pay attention to how others respond to your gifts.  

-Bring all of this into prayer at the end of the day. Use the daily examen as a way to discern and thank God for the gifts in your life! 

Photo by Dylan Gillis on Unsplash

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The Need is the Call – Do I Have a Unique Call to Respond?

Do I Have a Unique Call to Respond? How Do I Hear it/Find it?

In the Gospel of John (7:25-30) Jesus makes a concerted effort to avoid Judea, because that is where the religious authorities are trying to find a way to kill him – and he knows it. His apostles attend the Festival of Booths in Judea, thus he takes a risk and decides to go incognito, too. People in the marketplace and Temple, recognize Jesus and whisper among themselves, “Isn’t this the man that the authorities want to arrest? If he is the Messiah…then why are they trying to arrest him?” Jesus pipes up, “You know me, and you know where I am from. I have not come on my own.” 

The story goes on but this main point continually resonates with me. Jesus voices the conviction that his life choices emanate from this intrinsic belief in God. “You know me…”

As a religious sister in my early 30’s, I directed two week-long summer camps for 200 girls ages 8 – 18 in the San Bernardino mountains. These camps were transformational. I was excited at the privilege of being entrusted to lead. My team was made up of young religious women in formation, who had been on the mountain for weeks, assigned to 3 previous camps. Arriving at the dorm where we would be sleeping for a few days, I heard one of the sisters weeping at her bunk. Coming closer, I saw the weariness in her face and heard the crack in her voice as she shamefully lamented uncertainty in facing two more weeks with bouncy, enthusiastic campers. Knowing her exhaustion from personal experience, I felt grateful that this year I might help. 

How many times did Jesus encourage the disciples to go away and rest a while even in the face of clamoring crowds? I took my cue from knowing Jesus. Since receiving this assignment, I had pondered what my leadership of this critical summer ministry might look like. How would I use my experience/gifts while still respecting traditions? The out-of-the-ordinary choice to offer rest to the sisters felt like the compassionate, responsible, knowing-Who-sent-me thing to do. 

Gathering my team that night, I revealed that instead of the traditional week of calendaring camp activities, they were to relax. “But…” came the reply in anxious unison, “are you sure?” 

A condition of my leadership was a nightly, update call from the Superior General of the community. I mentioned my decision to allow the sisters to recover their energies instead of plowing forward, remaining on the usual track – and how successful it was. There was silence…until there wasn’t. The volume of the call immediately intensified. Who did I think I was to change years of well-practiced approaches to camp prep and team development? Didn’t I realize that ‘breaking the sisters down’ through heavy summer apostolate was part of the plan for their formation? 

A hundred things ran through my head as I grit my teeth. Jesus’ voice rang in my ears, “You know me, Monique. You know what I am about.” I took the leap. My vacillation and self-doubt evaporated. The God I know moved my instinct that day. This God was revealed to me over years of questions, challenges, and suffering wrong choices. I stood on the knowledge that God saw what I didn’t – about me and the situation – and I trusted that knowledge.

Sometimes choices we make from positions of authority, based on experts, are crystal clear. Yet, often, the experts don’t see what we see or know what we know. There is the call which arises from need…the moment when we discern it and feel in our bones that we have what it takes to respond.

When doubt attacks this confidence, it is critical to look at the fear that lies behind the doubt. Because that is exactly what doubt is – fear. What am I afraid of, my own discernment or God’s? How well do I know – do I trust – the God who calls me? We may not know exactly how to proceed, but there IS a voice within which urges and affirms that we are the one who must act…and that grace exists to fill every gap.

As I listened to the angry words on the phone, I took heart that I had come to know myself a little more clearly. I knew where I came from in my decision and Who had sent me. I believed I had acted upon what Jesus had modeled about God. “You know me.”

How do we make these kinds of self-affirmations without becoming egotistical or rigid? Lacing our days with prayer and, over time with experience, there grows a conviction that we, too, know God and what God is doing. This deep spirit-knowledge allows us to trust the movement of seeing the need as the call and to trust that God knows what God is asking and of whom.

Going Deeper

Read wise words from our friend, Stephanie Clouatre-Davis, about how to follow our gut when making tough choices.Vinita Hampton Wright writes how to discern translating our gifts into action in ways that Monique was pressed to do.How do we recognize the Need as Call in regard to racial justice? This audio reflection by Becky remains a pointed and relevant opportunity for reflection.Read Monique’s article in The National Catholic Reporter, How do I hear God’s voice in the Babel of the world?

Photo by Katherine St-Pierre on Unsplash

Note: We apologize for the website issues we experienced posting the past two blogs. We hope that you are an email subscriber and have received those beautiful blog posts by Becky Eldredge and Mary Ann Gessner as part of our Monday morning emails. If not, please be sure to subscribe to receive all of our updates!  Click here to subscribe.

Resisting Jesus – Resisting Surrender

I’ll be honest, Palm Sunday, more precisely “Palm Sunday of the Lord’s Passion,”  is my least favorite Sunday of the whole liturgical year. I resist as we fumble our way through Jesus’ entrance into Jerusalem and then are immersed in the darkest hours of his human life. 

I remember one blustery Palm Sunday rushing past the gathering crowd’s ooo’s and ah’s over a furry little burro in the courtyard to grab a palm branch and head for the back pew of the former choir loft, as far from the action as I could get. I found myself seated with a group of preteen boys (at church because their parents made them come) working out the best way to fold their palms into crosses.

While inclined to soften the coming blow with a cute animal or distract with other activities, there is no avoiding the cross. We want to skip ahead to the fun parts, chocolate bunnies and Easter eggs, beautiful bonnets and a good meal. But the paschal mystery happens again and again, in liturgy and in our lives. Even though I know that the only way out is through, that a seed has to return to earth and die to its former self before new life can grow, I resist.

I resist playing my part in this holy drama: laying down cloak and palm to pave the way for Jesus’ triumphant arrival in Jerusalem, only to turn on him with the mob that calls for his death, and then fall to my knees when Jesus takes his last breath from the cross. Lord, have mercy! I don’t want to crucify him! I don’t want to be reminded of how I’ve hurt others. I’ve experienced enough suffering and death. But each year we’re asked to reprise those parts, to speak our lines, to embody our prayer.

Quoting an early Christian hymn (Phil 2:6-11), in a plea for unity and humility St. Paul prepares us for the invitation we hear during the Gospel proclamation to pause and kneel:

[Because Jesus completely surrendered himself to God] God greatly exalted him and bestowed on him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bend, of those in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.

Kneeling has become controversial in our time, in public life and in Church. Is this ancient posture a sign of humble reverence or prideful piety? Submission or supplication to higher authority?  Solidarity with the fallen? Mourning or sadness in the face of loss? Surrender to mystery? During Jesus’ passion, does kneeling embody some or all of the above?

In the earliest fear-filled days of the pandemic shutdown, I was drawn to create a place I could kneel, an unusual prayer posture for me. During those disorienting days, without a sense of where the world was headed I knelt while losses accumulated. I recall focusing on uncurling my fists, opening my palms, surrendering to God all I could not control and hold on my own.

The hymn quoted by St. Paul tells us that “Christ Jesus, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped. Rather, he emptied [and] abandoned himself.” Jesus did not cling to being God. With human hands that washed and fed us, he courageously unfolded his palms, spread his arms wide, and surrendered his life for ours.

In subsequent troubled times I have found returning to kneeling during prayer helps quell my fears, bringing some peace to my heart. St. Ignatius’ once wrote:

God’s love calls us to move beyond fear. We ask God for the courage to abandon ourselves unreservedly, so that we might be molded by God’s grace, even as we can not see where that path may lead us.

I don’t know what gifts and challenges Holy Week holds this year. I do know that with God’s grace I can fall on my knees, release my resistance, play my parts, and surrender to the mystery, noticing how Jesus is with us in the triumphs and the tragedies and everything in between. Christ has died. Christ is risen. Christ will, has indeed come again.

Going Deeper

Pray with St. Ignatius’ great prayer of surrender, his “Suscipe”

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will, all that I have and possess. Thou hast given all to me. To Thee, O Lord, I return it. All is Thine, dispose of it wholly according to Thy will. Give me Thy love and Thy grace, for this is sufficient for me.

Listen to Carrie Newcomer’s The Only Way Through is In, a song I turn to for encouragement  when experiencing difficult times of life.

Take time during Holy Week to recollect and surrender to Jesus’ love. Notice how we embody signs of that love with one another on Holy Thursday as we wash feet, bless bread and wine, and pray in the garden. On Good Friday accompany Jesus on the road to Calvary and venerate his cross. Wait in empty silence Holy Saturday, then watch with wonder as the Easter Vigil fire fills the dark church one candle at a time with the light of Christ. Remember salvation history as we welcome and baptize. And renewed by the waters of creation, finally raise the roof with joy-filled acclamation: Alleluia! Resucito! He is risen!

Learn more about Physical Senses and Prayer from ITD contributor Vinta Wright.

St. Ignatius speaks to the value of our space, place, and posture of prayer in the Spiritual Exercises (#73-79). He offers the example of how even our physical posture during prayer is important: “If I find what I desire while kneeling, I will not seek to change my position; if prostrate, I will observe the same direction, etc.”  Read more in Becky’s article on “Space and Place of Prayer” on dotMagis blog on IgnatianSpirituality.com.

 

Photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash

Resisting Jesus – Resisting Healing

Before sitting down to write this post, I awoke to a post on Facebook by a family friend on the passing of her mom.

I see these posts all the time now, it’s something about being over 40… friends start losing parents and other mentors a bit more frequently. With social media, it can sometimes feel like a constant influx of posts about grief… so constant, I can forget to pause and take notice. 

This post, however, made me pause and take notice. Partially because I had known this woman all of my life so I felt her death a bit more tangibly than others, but in particular because of the last photo in a series of photos this family friend had picked to honor her mom.

The last photo showed just her mom and dad caught in a fairly candid way with the background blurred. Her mom must have just said something as remnants of words said through a smile still lingered on her face while her dad just gazed back at her mom in what can only be described as joyful awe.

The photo was beautiful not only because of its artistic qualities but also because of how it captured her essence so perfectly. She was a woman who deserved every bit of her husband’s gaze – not just because of her beauty, but because of the way her soul always seemed to shine right through her. This mom had faced all the ups and downs of life including the loss of her son way too early, and yet I never saw her radiate anything but joy and a great appreciation for the life she’d been given. 

I looked at this photo several times this morning, and each time I wondered if someone chose a random instant to shoot a photo of me today would it be able to capture the light of my soul like this one?  Or would it instead capture the weight I seem to always carry – the weight of the latest stress, the latest disappointment, the latest frustration, or the latest lingering pang of grief?

In many ways, I think I tend to be more comfortable holding onto this weight instead of embracing the lightness that comes with letting it all go. I think that often I’m scared that if I let go, the other shoe might drop. 

The Fifth Sunday of Lent we reflect on the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead and the exchange between Jesus, Mary and Martha. I wonder if Mary and Martha felt the same way as I do at times, after Lazarus was healed. Did they hesitate to lean into the joy of their brother’s resurrection? Were they afraid to celebrate not knowing how long his time with them would last? Did they not fully embrace the gift  they had been given because of this fear? The Gospel doesn’t tell us, but man I hope they didn’t. Just like I hope I don’t resist the gifts the Lord offers me, like the gift of healing.  

Lent can be a time of sorrow. The altar is stripped bare, the songs have a muted quality, the usual reverie is exchanged for sacrifice and penitential offerings. But does it have to be? Or can it be a time when we lean into the healing the Lord gave to us through his death on the cross? Can it be a time when we finally let go of the weight of our pain and let our souls shine through trusting that embracing healing and joy can be an even better gift to offer Christ in return?

Going Deeper

Read the Gospel of St. John for the Fifth Sunday of Lent.

Pray with our Guided Audios:  Healing through Imaginative Prayer 

Photo by Alexei Scutari on Unsplash

Resisting Jesus – Resisting Call to Action

Surrendering Like Joseph

For over four years the idea of creating a course on Ignatian prayer sat tucked away on a long-term dream list.  Every now and then, it would resurface to the forefront, but as I prayed with it God would gently tuck it away again for further marination.  As our team entered an intentional season of discernment during the Fall, the Holy Spirit brought the idea back in full force.  As I prayed with it individually and with the team, we all felt strongly that it was time to create and launch it in the world. 

So we made a plan.  We began to live into it.  Every time we thought we had accurately heard what God was calling us to offer we would suddenly find ourselves restless and with that interior knowing that something was off.  It’s funny to think of this now because at the time the Ignatian prayer course was going to be called “Calming a Restless Heart.”  We continued to step forward and discern.  Write content and check with God.  I think we rewrote the introduction page four times as we attempted to capture the vision God was birthing in us.  I kid you not the final clarity of how Going Past the Shallows:  The Ignatian Path of Prayer for Leaders wants to make its way into the world came hours before we sent the email on Thursday.  It was a wild ride co-creating with the Spirit! 

It is only today writing this that I am realizing how it echoes the journey of St. Joseph, whose feast we celebrated yesterday. He is not a person we typically think of during the Lenten season, but his feast day almost always occurs during Lent. Joseph witnesses complete surrender to God and God’s plan. Joseph had to continue to set aside his plans and surrender to where God was leading him.  He wanted to divorce Mary once she was with child. God sent him an angel to help him surrender to God’s plans.  As a parent, I can only imagine how much Joseph wanted to provide a safe and warm home for his family, and yet, God’s path led him to flee to Egypt to protect his family.  I am thankful Joseph listened and overcame his resistance to surrendering to the path God was unfolding.  What a ride he went on with God!  

The very content in Going Past the Shallows we want to share with you was utilized in the birthing of this offering.  It was through using Ignatian prayer tools and discernment wisdom that enabled us to leap boldly. So today, I write with Holy Spirit given hope as we step into God’s vision that this offering is not only to support those on the individual path of prayer, but to help others be sent forth to serve.  

So I hope you will join me in this Spirit-birthed offering! I have prayed on this offering for years.  My team joined me in praying on it for months now. We are praying for all of you who will sign up.  

Going Past the Shallows is for you!  

Going Past the Shallows is for volunteer or paid ministry leaders who lead ministries in parishes, schools, dioceses and other organizations. It is for those involved in ministries such as adult faith formation, young adult ministry, youth ministry, campus ministry, children’s ministry, RCIA, marriage preparation. It is for spiritual directors, retreat facilitators, pastoral care ministers, directors of religious education along with parents, catechists, teachers, bible study leaders, or leaders of women’s or men’s groups. It is for lay leaders, religious sisters, deacons, and clergy. It is for all who want to walk the Ignatian path with a trained guide and who are called to accompany others in their faith. It is for those desiring to say “yes” to God’s call into deeper waters of faith. 

Now that the offering is out in the world, our prayer continues. We continue to listen to the Spirits’ movement and are so thankful for the outpouring of support so far. Please join us in helping share this offering with the world as we accompany more people out of the shallows and to a deeper faith. 

Going Deeper

Learn more about our new course, Going Past the Shallows, a live virtual series on Ignatian Prayer.

Photo by Kunj Parekh on Unsplash