Becky Eldredge's Blog, page 4

Living and Leading in the Deep – Mary and Elizabeth

I shared last week, in my weekly Word From Becky email, how the birth of Ignatian Ministries has felt like living and leading in the deep.  There continues to be an invitation in prayer for me to look back over these past few years to savor God’s unfolding Mystery.  Ignatius got it right for us, inviting us to look back in order to better understand where God brought us.  Today I want to share a few important memories that I only now understand are key to Ignatian ministries birth. 

The Image of Mary, Elizabeth, Me, and Other Women:  

During my annual silent retreat in October of 2016, a very clear image emerged in prayer that helped guide me for these past years. That year one of my favorite spots of prayer was in a rocking chair in the kitchen overlooking the ocean.  Mary and Elizabeth and the nativity and infancy narratives were my accompaniers.  I spent hours rocking in that chair, drinking coffee and tea, and having conversations with Mary and Elizabeth.  I was drawn to their faith, their womanhood, their motherhood, the joy they experienced in life, and also their real experience of sorrow.   

I prayed repeatedly with Luke 1: 39-45.  The Holy Spirit kept calling forth the image of Mary and Elizabeth coming together in my imaginative prayer.  One young and one old.  Both filled with faith and both filled with a growing miracle inside of them.   I watched how them coming together in a loving embrace birthed something greater than themselves.  

Elizabeth’s greeting to Mary brings forth a blessing to Mary and to the “fruit of her womb”.  We hear her offering words of encouragement and strength to Mary.  Can you imagine what it must have felt like for Mary to hear her cousin’s words, “Blessed are you who believed that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled.?  What a blessing that offers an increase in faith, in courage and in hope!

All throughout my retreat, I would pray with Mary and Elizabeth.  Watching them come together.  Watching how their faith was grown to believe in the birthing that was happening inside of them.  I have no doubt that God was showing me the power of what happens when women come together in faith.  

Towards the end of my retreat, the image in prayer shifted.  I was suddenly with Mary and Elizabeth, surrounded by their embrace and love in my home.  Then, Mary invited me to walk with her.  We walked and met her Son, Jesus, and brought him fully into my home.  The image continued to shift and refine. Mary and I would go out together, and we would meet a woman, and we would bring her home to meet Mary’s Son, Jesus.   Then the next time Mary, me and the new woman, would go out again.  Find someone new, and bring her home to Jesus.  Over and over again.  Go out together, meet the one, and bring her home to Jesus.  Eventually, the image showed many of us going out with Mary and bringing multiple people home to Jesus.  

The Image from my Retreat in Real LIfe: Kathy Powell says “yes”

The image was great comfort to me at the time.  Ministry felt at this moment like a “party of one”.  I was writing and preparing for my first book to be published.  I was meeting people for spiritual direction and doing retreat work.  So much of my ministry felt solo…me and God.  I yearned for others to collaborate with.  In my personal life, we had recently moved from Dallas to Baton Rouge, our children were young, and my grandfather had been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer.  I was yearning for a community and support in all areas of life.  

The desire for the image God brought in this retreat to be real grew in me for four months.  In February 2017, I reached out to a long time colleague and friend, Kathy Powell.   I re-read the email I sent to her recently. I asked her if she would be willing to brainstorm with me regularly.   And she thankfully said “yes”! 

We began meeting and praydreaming together on February 15, 2017, and God bore so much fruit in our time together, Kathy began working with me on a regular basis as my first team member October 2018.  

God brought me the first woman from the image of prayer.  Tears of consolation fill my eyes as I remember and savor the journey of working with Kathy.  Neither she nor I knew that God would eventually call both of us to found a home of accompaniment.  

Our ministry together these past years brought forth so much fruit because of Kathy’s openness to the Holy Spirit, her courage, and her willingness to take on Elizabeth’s role in my life.  She helped me and continues to help my faith be stronger.  She has held my hand as God invited me to leap into the unknown.  She has reminded me time and time again I am not alone.  

Learning to Live the Posture of Mary and Elizabeth: 

Kathy and I call our friendship and praydreaming posture- the Mary and Elizabeth posture.  We learned that together we are stronger, and together God births something far greater out of us than we could ever do alone.  God pulls “Magnificats” out of us just like God pulled out of Mary’s mouth when Mary and Elizabeth came together in faith.  

Kathy is one of the many people God brought into my life to go out with Mary and gather others to bring home to her Son, Jesus.  Our community multiplied because of Kathy’s “yes” to being an Elizabeth in my life. As our trust and friendship has grown, she and I are able to flip back and forth into the Mary and Elizabeth roles for each other.  Knowing when it is one person’s to encourage and the other person’s to leap.  

Embrace the Mary and Elizabeth Posture with Us Tomorrow: 

Tomorrow, we birth Ignatian Ministries into the world!   A growing seed of an idea that feels like a miracle growing in all of us.  I cannot wait to open the doors and welcome you to YOUR home of accompaniment.  Because it is here in this home that you will be tended to, cared for, and loved.  You will be brought home to Mary’s Son, Jesus.  It is also from here that we invite you to go out with us and Mary to bring more people home to her Son, Jesus. 

Going Deeper:

Pray for our team as Ignatian Ministries is birthed.Ask God, as Becky invites you to consider, who you might invite to our Ignatian Ministries community to go out with us, and Mary, to bring more people to her Son, Jesus.

Photo is of Becky’s statue of Mary and Elizabeth

Living and Leading in the Deep – Multiplying the Loaves and Fishes

Multiplying the Loaves and Fishes:  What do I have to offer? 

My journey with Ignatian Ministries began nearly 23 years ago with a simple invitation from Becky: “Hey Chris!  I’ve been asked to lead a retreat, and I am putting together a team – would you be interested in joining me?” Becky and I had been friends for years, but had not yet started dating, and by that point in time we had not worked together in a ministry setting.  I can remember my first thoughts in that moment with some amount of clarity – Why did Becky think of me for this?  What does she see in me that I don’t see in myself?  What do I have to offer?

This must have been the same thoughts the early disciples had – Why did Jesus think of me for this? What does Jesus see in me that I don’t see in myself?  The early disciples often found themselves facing a great need and feeling inadequate or unable to meet that need.  In today’s Gospel, Matthew 14: 13-21, we see Jesus, moved with pity for His followers, taking a meager offering of fish and bread, and using that to feed thousands of hungry people.  I can imagine the disciples’ thoughts at this moment – How will the little we have to offer be enough for all these people?

The story of Becky’s ministry – from the earliest days of youth and young adult ministry to the beginning of the “Everything is Holy Now” Blog, through writing two books and traveling all over the country giving retreats, all the way through the founding of Ignatian Ministries – has always been about seeing others.  It is about seeing what is deep inside, what people fear, what they long for, what they need – and pointing the way to the One who can satisfy.  Similarly, so many moments along the journey towards the creation of Ignatian Ministries were graced by the spirit found in the story of the loaves and the fishes.  We were invited to give all that we can, despite feeling like we have so little to offer.  

Walking with Becky for over two decades on this ministry journey, I see the need to use the same gifts I apply to my daily work to support Becky’s ministry. These talents continue to apply each day in the creation and growing of Ignatian Ministries.  I bring skills of project management, financial planning, technology, operations and leadership to the team – offering to step in wherever help is needed.  It is my way of giving all that I can in support of such an important mission.    

At each turn of God’s growth of this ministry, we faced the need to learn something new – 

How does a blog work?  How do we change an image on the blog?  How do we get people to subscribe to the blog? How do we build an actual website?  How do we turn our dining room into a shipping department so we can ship books out?How do we hire employees?  How do we pivot to an entire virtual ministry? How do we create a nonprofit? 

Becky and I met each of these questions, and hundreds of others along with them, with curiosity, openness, concern, fear, and hope.  We’ve continually looked to each other and asked, “God, what do you want us to do here?  Who can help us do this work?”

Sometimes, the answer was Google.  Becky and I would sit at the computer and look up articles, how-to guides, and videos describing how to do what we were hoping to do and what we felt God calling us to do.  Over time, though, it was clear that the more and more Becky was called to accompany people, the more she needed to build a team to support the work.  And just like the loaves and fishes that day, what at first seemed meager and incapable of satisfying the needs God showed us, the gifts, talents, and graces required to make this ministry work have multiplied beyond anything we could have imagined.  

As Becky’s husband, I’ve been a witness to so many moments that are unseen by others.  I’ve seen Becky bound out of bed on the morning of a retreat and before she’s even had a sip of coffee, excitedly proclaiming “I’m so excited to give this retreat today!”  I’ve also seen Becky pace back and forth in our dining room, surrounded by books, binders, large post-it sheets, and a box of Sharpies, trying to discern the right way to do what God has asked her to do.  I’ve reassured Becky as she wonders if this is all just a crazy idea, and I’ve held her close when she has found it hard to know if this work has made a difference to others or when her heart was breaking at the suffering she saw and heard.  I’ve recorded promo videos, edited book chapters, given talks, sold books, created budgets, and even learned how to fix a webpage.  (Google is still my friend!)  At each of these points along the way, I’ve asked those same questions as I did nearly 23 years ago: What do I have to offer?  

Along with my vocations of marriage and fatherhood, being a part of the Ignatian Ministries story is one of the most important and exciting aspects of my life.  I am proud of the work we’ve done and pray for the continued grace to serve our growing community.  As Ignatian Ministries is birthed into the world, I invite you to ask God the same question I ask myself frequently, “What do I have to offer?”  You will be surprised, as I am, how God multiplies what we bring to God to help feed others.  

Going Deeper:

Pray for our team as Ignatian Ministries is birthed.Ask God, as Chris suggests, “What do I have to offer?” and pray for clarity on what you might be able to offer Ignatian Ministries.

Photo by Cassiano Psomas on Unsplash

Consolation Beyond a Smile – Alignment

“There are no words.”  A friend reached out to our prayer group in sorrow yesterday to share that her dear family member’s life journey would be ending soon.  She wrote, “There are no words.” and yet, we all responded with words: words of the promise of prayers, words of love and blessings for this next journey, I was still after reading her message.  Breathing in the news so long dreaded and denied, I felt my heart’s sadness for her pain.  At the same time, I was touched by her compassion and courage; warmed with gratitude that this woman I cherish had such a cherished woman in her life. After Aunt Joanne died, my friend wrote to tell us and said, “There was a calm presence in the room”.   There was true consolation in that Sacred Space.  

This is the last of the “Consolation Beyond a Smile” series.  In these weeks, we have looked deeply as with a quilter’s eye at the beautiful facets of Consolation.  We used stories and memories, the fabric of our lives, to shine a light on various pieces of what St. Ignatius named Consolation… “Our own response of love allows God’s life to flow into us without limit.”   Peace, faith, hope, warming tears, love, boldness, courage…all of these graces are given to us as pure gift as we live our lives focused on the Foundation that Ignatius left us. “I want, and I choose, what better leads to the deepening of God’s life in me.”  

That’s it! Can you feel the rightness woven into those words, the vulnerability and strength held within that feeling?  The more we respond to Love, the more we are drawn into the heart of God, the more we are able to live the life God dreamed for us.  That is our grounding.  Our alignment with God’s will for us needs no word but “yes.”  We are drawn in deeper by Love and then sent out as a tiny part of a wonder-full plan. 

Becky Eldredge and her team named this blog “Into the Deep” and it is easy to appreciate the references to the sea.  I love the water and yet, in this moment, I find myself seeing beautiful fabrics lying before me, pieces already cut, some sewn, blocks made, and some waiting to become their own pattern.  I see a quilt in process.  I feel the excitement that comes when colors and textures align, points and corners match and the delightful surprise when a pattern within a pattern emerges.  This life of mine is God’s quilt and is uniquely created for me.  There is no rush in the making of it.  We each have our own quilt.  We each are one of God’s beautiful creations.  We are never really finished until God takes a breath, smiles and says, “There…the pieces fit, Joanne.  Don’t worry about that stain, that frayed edge or that imperfect seam.  We have been making this together for many years.  Rest with me now and let’s look at how all these pieces all fit.  Isn’t it beautiful?  Your life is woven here with every stitch.  There are so many layers of  stories… of warmth and comfort, of sadness, of challenges, of making do with the little you had and sharing generously of the gifts you were given.  Let’s share these stories.  Let me help you see how well you lived the life I dreamt for you.”

God has a quilt for each of us and there is never a shortage of graces or their beauty, textures and variety.  Loving God and saying yes to God’s dream for us brings us Consolation.  These graces are meant to be savored and then shared.  We offer them liberally throughout our lives.  We grow, we make new patterns and, yes, we may fray in places in the process.  All those pieces can be confusing at times but not for God.  God has a plan for all those pieces.

Every now and then, I get a peek at a pattern emerging.  Someone mentions how something I said to them years ago has held them through these years.  Pieces of my life had a purpose beyond anything I could imagine or even remember and created strength and warmth and beauty for another. I might not have felt calm back then…frequently I didn’t…but I had offered my yes, counted on the Holy Spirit to guide me and did my best.  My “yes” to aligning myself with what God has dreamt for me helps me breathe and go forward.  I smile when I see and feel the pieces fit.  I can’t wait to see how mine and all the patterns and stories turn out!  How I feel in those moments is sure and calming. There really are no words.

Going Deeper:

Read Discipleship in All Ways: The Canvas of Our Lives by Gretchen Crowder
Read Bit of Ignatian Wisdom: Magis by Becky Eldredge

Photo by Dinh Pham on Unsplash

Consolation Beyond a Smile – Boldness

Should I stay or should I go? In a job? Where I’m living? In a relationship? Sometimes we come to life-defining crossroads, choices that require a leap of faith. When introducing his series on discernment, Pope Francis emphasized how discernment in these moments involves our emotions. With practice in daily life we develop skills for listening to these interior movements of our hearts, what St. Ignatius calls consolations and desolations, to guide us. Pope Francis notes that consolation spurs us forward in service to others…”consolation makes us daring.”

Most often I experience moments of gentle consolations. Subtle nudges come alongside intuition as I judge whether moving forward feels right, or if something is off.  I notice if I’m peaceful or agitated after a decision. If the latter, I wait for peace to return before moving ahead. Sometimes consolation makes me daring, leading me to act with surprising boldness. 

The thought of boldness makes my heartbeat quicken as I hear Star Trek’s introduction and stirring theme music in my head. Through the years, the Enterprise has taken us on missions with her crews “to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.”  I recall examples when I experienced heart-opening consolations that emboldened me to accept new missions…

Exploring strange new worlds.  Twenty years ago, having been inspired while volunteering for a new Jesuit retreat ministry, I made the bold choice to leave product development for Procter & Gamble (and to leave a great network of friends) to embark on a second career in ministry. I sometimes struggled to adapt to a markedly different culture. However, fueled by the joy of witnessing transformation in others’ lives, and with the ongoing support of family and friends in Cincinnati, Chicago, and beyond, I knew I had made a good decision.

Seeking out new life and new civilizations. A fast five years serving Charis Ministries took a surprising turn when I received an invitation from a friend and her husband to support them and their infant child as we approached her untimely death. Once again, through noticing how I felt as I considered whether to stay or go, a desire to accompany my friends superseded the contributions I was making through leadership. Shortly after the announcement went public I recognized this new mission was to be only a few months instead of a few years. The US economy was collapsing and I wasn’t sure where my next paycheck would come from. While I was welcome to remain at Charis, I was ready to make the bold choice for a sabbatical. 

I am ever grateful for Charis’ parting gift of a 40-day experience of the Spiritual Exercises at Ignatius Jesuit Centre. This holy interlude took me on a profound encounter with Divine Mystery. A skilled spiritual director accompanied me on a journey of radically honest prayer leading to insights and graces that guide me even now. I departed the Centre “the same, only different”, not knowing what my next mission might be, but with interior freedom and gratitude for all those who worried on my behalf! Listening with my heart as I discerned with new confidence, I eventually accepted a position with the Midwest Province of the Society of Jesus.

Boldly going where I had not gone before. I came to know it was time to join the Great Resignation after many months of extended prayer, reflection, and thoughtful conversations. I realized that much like previous major transitions, I wasn’t departing the Province with reckless bravado, but rather intentionally moving forward holding grief intertwined with anticipation. Many good projects supporting the Jesuits’s retreat and parish ministries felt unfinished, but I was at peace. I knew that which was mine to do was complete.

Perhaps this mix of emotions mirrors Mary Magdalene and the other Mary in Matthew’s gospel who “went quickly from the tomb, fearful yet overjoyed… and behold, Jesus met them on their way” confirming what the angel had sent them to do (Matthew 28:1-10). Each time I laid to rest a mission that I loved, I experienced both grief and anxiety. Yet each time I said ‘yes’ to a new mission, often without being completely sure where it would lead, I received encouragement to take the first steps. I have come to trust that each time I say ‘yes’, I become bolder, more confident that the Holy Spirit is leading me closer to Jesus, deepening God’s life in me, so that in all things I can better love and serve those I encounter along the way.

Going Deeper:

Reflect on Pope Francis’ catechesis on consolation, recalling with gratitude times when you dared new adventure, boldly moving forward in a surprising direction.Whether at the end of each day or at moments of important transitions, reflect with Becky Eldredge as you pray with the Suscipe (from Busy Lives, Restless Souls).

Photo by Sammie Chaffin on Unsplash

Consolation Beyond a Smile – Tasting Courage

I am not a very adventurous eater. As a lifelong vegetarian, my options are often limited from the start. In unfamiliar settings I wonder about hidden pork fat and disguised fish sauce …steakhouses and seafood restaurants are the worst. I eat the side salad and the roll instead of taking the risk on something that may turn out to be unappetizing or “taste fishy.” My own kids have gone through phases where a food they once loved now elicits a groan and a grimace. I have been accused of not making the pasta sauce “the same way grandma does” and using cheese that “tastes funny” in the quesadillas. We have obviously been in a bit of a rut… 

A few months ago, our family’s entire way of approaching food had to change. One of our children was dealing with escalating symptoms of asthma, eczema, and stomachaches.  No matter what we did, nothing seemed to help. An emergency room visit and several doctors later, we discovered that all symptoms pointed back to a previously undiagnosed milk allergy. Overnight everything changed. No more mac & cheese, pizza, or ice cream. But also no birthday cake at a party that weekend, stress about the treats at the end of the year class picnic, and learning to ask the adults around him a lot of questions. We began clearing out a lot of food in our house (open bags of chocolate chips, Cheez crackers, almost all the granola bars) and figuring out new routines. In the first few weeks, I watched him push a lot of mediocre food around his plate absentmindedly. His disappointment and fear was palpable. Despite the multitude of non-dairy options out there, he still needed some space to process the radical changes to his everyday life. 

The theme of this series is “consolation beyond a smile.”  Where in the midst of our changes was consolation beginning to nudge its way forward? According to Margaret Silf, “Spiritual consolation is experienced when our hearts are drawn toward God, even if this happens in circumstances that the world would regard as negative. It is a signal that our hearts, at least for that moment, are beating in harmony with the heart of God.” Being drawn out of our comfort zones (whether in food choices, entertainment, social settings, or even prayer styles) involves taking a leap of courage. Perhaps it will be unpleasant or disappointing? What will happen if I fail? 

I realized that together we would need to take risks and embrace the “yuck” that we were undoubtedly going to come across. We threw away an entire tub of dairy-free cream cheese… It was that awful. There have been quite a few  other duds (particularly in the yogurt and cheese categories), but also so many surprising wins from store-bought chocolate chip cookies to a new pancake recipe to make at home.  

A moment of consolation came in the form of five tasting spoons. After several difficult days, we found a specialty ice cream shop with not one but FIVE dairy-free frozen concoctions. As the attendant patiently handed him sample after sample, he weighed the pros and cons and picked something he truly loved. Instead of focusing on the 26 other flavors that he had proven to come with unpleasant consequences, he marveled at this chance to taste, enjoy, and choose. 

Consolation draws us into a deeper relationship with God, but also with others. In moments of consolation, I see the genuine needs of others more clearly and my attention is directed away from self-pity and despair. On a recent trip to a dietary-conscious market, my son went up and down the aisles reading all the little tags on the food. He took pride in finding new items he could try, but also pointed out things that people with a gluten intolerance could also eat. As he becomes more adept at reading labels, he often asks me to send pictures of things he likes to other people we know with dietary restrictions. We have still had a few pity parties… but there has been great joy in sharing these new discoveries with other people in his life. 

When St. Ignatius writes about praying with our whole senses, he even uses the word “gustar”… to savor, to remember that taste of grace. Tasting something new takes a sense of adventure and a little bit of courage. My son delighting in his ice cream samples has become a touch point of consolation, to truly savor the unexpected gifts from God.

Going Deeper:

Explore the Physical Senses and Prayer with Ignatian SpiritualitySaving the Good Stuff for Later – A Guide to Ignatian DiscernmentWatch this short video on using your Imagination in prayer from Loyola PressFollow Along the Application of Senses with Fr. Joseph Tetlow

Photo by Jan Vasek on Pixabay

Consolation Beyond a Smile – Tears of Consolation

If you are like me, you’ve shed tears of happiness at some point in your lifetime.  But have you ever shed tears of consolation?  I’ll bet you have, and you didn’t realize it at the time.  There is a difference between tears of happiness and tears of consolation.  The former are fairly common in life, the latter are a true grace from God.  Let’s explore that a bit more.

Tears are cleansing, whether shed in sadness or happiness.  Often these tears are anticipated.  When we experience something beautiful, or pleasant, or have an especially exciting experience, we usually can expect to shed happy tears.  But consolation tears, now that’s a different thing.  When we experience these tears, it is often a complete, unsolicited surprise.  My experience is that it happens when I least expect it.  These surprise tears are not jolting, but rather, they come with a profound peace, sense of well-being, and interior silence.  

Consolation tears are different from regular tears in that consolation tears come from the gift of joy which is a gift from God.  Joy is not the same as happiness. Author Irma Zaleski writes that in the language of religion, joy is not a merely human emotion but a spiritual experience.  It is a “fruit of the Holy Spirit,” a grace.  Joy is a holy mystery.  It comes from beyond us (God),  but It also comes from a place deep inside us (our Inner Chapel, the place where we meet God).

True joy is a form of spiritual consolation.  It’s a heartfelt experience of God.  Even so, joy can come in small doses in everyday life – in a whisper and in a sudden sense of the mystery that is God.  Joy is an experience of consolation that takes us out of ourselves and into the infinite love of God.  

My most profound experience of consolation tears happened when I was at the beach.  I had gotten up early to watch the sunrise and take a few pictures of the blue heron that stayed  near the condo.  As the orange glow of the sun started to rise over the horizon, I raised my camera to take a picture.  Just then, I was so completely present to the spectacular beauty of the colors, I couldn’t take the picture.  It was as though my whole being was drawn into what was happening in the sunrise, in the area around me, while at the same time I felt as though I was the only one in the universe.  I felt engulfed in the present moment and the present place.  And before I realized it, I had tears streaming down my cheeks.  

This was a God moment.  As I stood there, both mesmerized by the sight and caught up in the experience, I had a feeling that my heart was connected with God’s heart.  I felt connected with all creation.  I felt humbled and graced to be such a small part of God’s majesty, but I also felt the enormity of God’s grandeur.  At that time, no thoughts were thought, no words spoken, no pictures taken.  God’s consolation was in me, running through me as a deep, overwhelming peace. I’m not sure how long I stayed in this moment of consolation, but when the tears stopped and I became grounded again in beach sounds and breezes, I realized I had been given the gift of consolation deep in my heart.. 

I’ve had other similar experiences of consoling tears: once at a traffic light (I know, crazy, right?), while cooking, and while walking in the rain.  All these were complete surprises, all were deep connections with God and God’s creation.  I believe God desires each of us to shed consoling tears.  God’s love is generous, allowing the Holy Spirit to bring us joy-filled tearful moments.  Such moments are, as they say, the gift that keeps on giving, for they are a reminder of God’s consoling presence.  

 

Going Deeper:

Read Charlotte Phillips’ blog article “What is Consolation?”, posted on BeckyEldredge.com, June 5, 2023Read Mary Ann Gessner’s blog article “Rest in the Peace of God’s Hands”, posted on BeckyEldredge.com June 12, 2023.Read Traveling Your Road to Joy in the series “Bridges to Contemplative Living with Thomas Merton, edited by Jonathan Montaldo and Robert G. Toth, published by Ave Maria Press.Read Inner Chapel  by Becky Eldredge, published by  Loyola Press.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Consolation Beyond a Smile – Increase in Love

“I don’t know what I am going to do,” my friend Tony slowly shook his head as I inquired about his anticipation of his second child. “Monique, I’m really afraid. I love my first-born daughter so much; I am terrified that I will have no love left for this new little one. I know it’s last minute, but I don’t think my heart is big enough to be the father that God is asking me to be.”

I have recalled this conversation so many times since it took place; in fact, these babies have likely graduated from college by now! It is a relevant illustration of the dilemma that most of us feel at some time on our spiritual journey.

Can I trust my understanding of love to be enough?

How does my personal experience of conditional, human love influence my trust of Divine love? On this winding journey of faith, we want to know that we are on the right track; that we have followed God’s cues correctly. When these realities coalesce and consolation translates into an increase of love, we can feel like we have hit the jackpot! Yet, in the Ignatian tradition, consolation is less a felt-emotion than deep conviction, it often manifests for me as ‘hoping with determination.’

A year ago, pressed to make a difficult life choice concerning my ministry, I wrestled intensely with the options. The dream job that long brought immense joy, now found me tossing and turning each night. As I laid my grief before God and attempted to quiet my heart in prayer, the anxiety and fear that clutched at my heart still held their grip.

With each person I spoke to as I moved forward through the steps of departure, I found myself viewing my decision from their different perspectives. Some affirmed my choice, but others voiced the anxiety that still half-curled in my gut. With every articulation of what I longed for; I affirmed my choice to myself. This is the gritty, hang-on-by-your-fingernails, ‘hoping with determination’ that I mentioned earlier about how discernment often works for me. The increase in consolation, as I embraced a position in a new agency, also resulted in an increase of love – for myself! This took me by surprise. Love for self was not something I had considered at all. My decisions have usually been based on what’s best for others. Perhaps, discernment done well is the most authentic, mysterious self-love there is.

There is something to be said for review and repetition. With each articulation to others, I stretched my conviction to match my behavior and thinking. Flexibility in imagining the end goal helped. Therese of Lisieux writes somewhere in her Story of a Soul of ‘faking it until you make it.’ I didn’t feel it right away, the consolation of having discerned well, but I kept acting as if I did. Another thing I did when faced with this daunting decision, was to write out what I’d discerned in a phrase. I pasted the phrase on the mirror and took a picture of it for my phone’s lock screen. When viewed during the day, I could take baby steps forward in hopeful determination about the discernment of my choice.

Six months after I first spoke to Tony, his baby daughter was born. The next time I saw him I asked, ‘Well, how is your heart?’ His face transformed into a glowing reflection of what was nearly impossible to put into words. ‘Monique,’ he blurted, ‘I don’t know how it happened, but my heart got bigger; I can love more than I thought!’

The last thing I want to convey, in this writing, is that consolation – or the increase in love – is a reward for a job well done. That would be a mistake. The abundant generosity of the Divine gives us the hope and the conviction that God also gives this gift of consolation freely, completely detached from any well-discerned decision or even the deeply held faith that God must know best. Sometimes, consolation comes to us directly from the Holy Spirit. In the midst of our grayness, there comes an unquenchable light of knowledge that God loves us to our core and that this love is unbreakable.

It is also important to clarify that an increase in love may not relate to an increase in felt-love as in: the emotion. The hopeful determination that is often present for me helps bridge any lack of cohesion that I may still be feeling through discernment and even in consolation. A second sight arises; a sight, which allows me to see beyond what is gratifying or not, holding onto the comfort that more grace is coming and the Divine is present, in spite of all the insecurities I may still feel within myself.

Going Deeper:

Have you ever documented how an ‘increase in love’ may have manifested for you during consolation? Is that ‘increase’ directly related to something you have experienced before or is there an invitation to a new, more expansive relationship? Ponder the excerpt from Henri Nouwen SJ – Do not be afraid of loving deeply Listen to the beautiful song “Promises,” by TRIBL describing a love that goes the distance. This song is used as a virtual retreat resource by Becky on her website listed under Prayer Resources.Sometimes it can be so incredibly hard to describe our longing for an increase in love; words can get in the way. Listen to Becky’s Soundcloud channel, as Stephanie shares the Imaginative Prayer experience of the woman and The Alabaster Jar. 

Photo by Karim Manjra on Unsplash

Consolation Beyond a Smile – Stepping Forward with Hope in Things Unseen

The idea of hope is never far from my mind. One only has to turn on the TV, visit a news website, or scroll through social media to be bombarded with headlines about the state of the world–most full of doom and division. As a middle-aged Millennial, existential questions about my own life and purpose are frequently on my heart, especially in a world overwhelmed by climate change, environmental devastation, extreme polarization, racism, poverty and inequity, war and gun violence, and so many other modern-day plagues. It doesn’t take long to feel saddled with hopelessness and wonder what, exactly, we are working for when the forces stacked against the world God calls us to create seem so insurmountable. It can be easy to get stuck in a place of desolation and be tempted to question how much our words and actions really matter.

Yet Jesus would be the first one to reassure us that hoping against the odds, against all that we see as unjust around us, is not a foolish, romantic thing at all, but rather the bread and butter of the spiritual life. Jesus’s life and ministry were centered around a deep hope in God’s promises. Being “Resurrection People” means living with faith that the resurrection promised by Jesus will one day be ours and that, until then, we’ll be given small, ordinary moments of newness, beginnings, and hope as sustenance.

Similarly, Paul reminded the Hebrews that “Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). To the Romans, Paul wrote, “Hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us” (Romans 5:5). 

St. Ignatius, too, affirmed the importance of hope in our prayer and discernment. In the Spiritual Exercises, Ignatius described consolation as “every increase in hope, faith, and charity, and all interior joy which calls and attracts to heavenly things and to the salvation of one’s soul, quieting it and giving it peace in its Creator and Lord” (#316). When we feel a deepened sense of hope for ourselves, others, or our world, Ignatius would identify this as consolation, as something that turns toward God and toward others. 

I am grateful to have what I consider to be a rich prayer life and numerous spiritual practices that provide me with a framework for engaging my questions around the many issues plaguing humanity and our planet. Still, acting from a place of hope often requires a huge leap of faith and trust in God and God’s accompaniment through the unknowns. Having hope can be quite countercultural. 

In the past five years, those existential questions have taken on new meaning as my husband and I have welcomed our three children while wondering what world we will pass on to them. I’ve been told that having kids is the most hope-filled, revolutionary thing one can do in today’s day and age. It means believing that a better world on this side of the grave is possible–not just something that must be endured to one day reach eternal life in God’s Kin-dom. As I look at my three boys, so full of life and energy and spirit and not yet aware of most of the collective challenges facing us collectively, I find consolation and reassurance. I deeply believe that the boundless love they call forth from me and all those fortunate enough to know them has a ripple effect and that their very existence brings light, life, and goodness into a broken world.

Right now, in this season of early parenthood when the days feel like an endless series of preparing meals and snacks, getting shoes on tiny feet, cleaning ouchies, reading books, and kissing soft foreheads before bed, my boys ground me in some of the most important things in life: relationships, compassion, forgiveness, love. They are my biggest source of consolation when I think about the life I am called to lead and the ways in which I am invited to deepen my journey as a disciple of Christ. If choosing something makes me feel more hopeful and joyful for my sons’ futures (and, in turn, the futures of all children), then it’s a sure sign to me that I’m moving in the right direction. That increase in hope is a marker of consolation that reassures me that God is guiding me and walking alongside me. It also reassures me that God will be with my children and all those who come after me, too.

Henri Nouwen said, “Hope prevents us from clinging to what we have and frees us to move away from the safe place and enter unknown and fearful territory.” Is this not a main goal of our spiritual journey–greater freedom to follow Jesus and let go of the things that restrict us? Hope enables us to think outside of our mind’s narrow confines and to join God in imagining something more, something greater, to which we are called. May our own discernments be fueled by a deepening hope in God’s work and in our place in it.

Going Deeper:

Spend some time reflecting on and praying over these words from Pope Francis about Christian hope. Where do you find hope in your life in general? What might an increase in this type of hope look like regarding a decision you are in the process of making?

“Christian hope…is very important, because hope never disappoints. Optimism disappoints, but hope does not. We have such need in these times that can appear dark, in which we sometimes feel disoriented by the evil and violence that surround us, by the distress of so many of our brothers and sisters. We need hope. We feel disoriented and even rather discouraged, because we are powerless and it seems this darkness will never end. We must not let hope abandon us, because God, with his love, walks with us” (from Pope Francis’s General Audience, 7 December 2016).

Often the focus of the Examen is more on the past and present (steps 1-4) as one reviews the day. Next time you use this prayer, spend a little more time on the final step that invites looking toward tomorrow. Where do you desire greater hope? How might you ask God to make hope a part of your own discernment processes?

 

Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash

Consolation Beyond a Smile – Increase in Faith

I got a text from a young woman that I sponsor: ‘My husband relapsed. I am so angry.’ I texted back, ‘I am available to talk.’ After a few minutes my phone rang and my young friend lamented the series of events that occurred all the while waffling back and forth between, ‘I’m so mad’ and ‘at least he told me.’

We started talking it through. I repeated what she said back to her: he slipped one time, he told her and called his sponsor immediately. I paused to let that sink in. “That sounds like progress to me.” I said. “Early recovery is messy.

I continued. “He’s maintaining connection with you by sharing when he slipped. He’s remaining in contact with his sponsor. He couldn’t have done either of those things if he wasn’t still in connection with God. This time is different. He was very brave to do what he did.”

As we talked it through, her perspective began to shift away from a place of fear. Consolation shows up when we let go of  human expectation and start noticing God’s hand at work in our situation. God is always providing. With a grateful heart, she could see how with God in charge, her faith was beginning to grow.

On her own, she realized that her response to his honesty wasn’t one of support.”I was not very kind. I was so angry. I didn’t handle it the way that I wanted to.”

“That’s alright. You can make amends. It doesn’t undo what you said. But it does show your husband that like him, you are in early recovery and you slip too.  It will help you maintain connection to him.

Within a few moments, she realized that his actions after the slip were actually progress. She knew that her response wasn’t all that different from his. By conversation’s end, she was filled with hope.

Days later, I got a text from her telling me how good things have been between her and her husband. She was grateful that we talked so that she could slow down and notice that fear was blinding her to all of the good things that her husband had done this time. She commented that the bump in the road had actually brought joy back into their relationship. This slip was an opportunity for trust to develop in their relationship with God and her husband. It helped her notice that when she relies on her faith, it grows exponentially.

This situation reminds me of the need for discernment in our lives. At face value, her situation looked bleak. When we slow down and examine the origin of our feelings, instead of giving that one human emotion of fear all of our focus, we stop seeing our limitations and begin to see the possibility that God is providing.

Before he began working a program, if he’d relapsed he would have tried handling the situation on his own. He would have isolated, felt guilty and drank again. This time, he had a relationship with God as his foundation. He knew he was powerless and he’d asked God to help him. This gave him the courage to reach out to his wife and his sponsor. 

My friends were able to experience, just as I have in my own recovery journey, that just a little bit of faith goes a long way. And when you have the courage to rely on your faith it takes root and grows allowing you to rest in the slow work of God.

Ignatian writer Margaret Silf said, “Consolation is the experience of this deep connectedness to God, and it fills our being with a sense of peace and joy. The epicenter of the experience lies in God and not in ourselves.”

With God, all things are possible. Hearing it is one thing. Experiencing it is another. The gift of consolation shows you that the tiny bit of faith you started with has been growing underneath the surface without your awareness until one day you face a situation that would have toppled you in the past. This time, you’re not alone. This time you sit back and observe what God can accomplish. Your faith helps you to rest and breathe.

Going Deeper:

Read these articles for more insight on faith and consolation:

Listening for God in Consolation

Faith & Action

How, Then, Shall We Trust?

Listen to this Guided Imaginative Prayer by Becky:

Do You Want to Be Made Well?

 

Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash

Consolation Beyond a Smile – Rest in the Peace of God’s Hands

I’m glad you can’t see me right now.  If you could imagine me writing this post, I hope you would imagine me sitting in a lovely, cozy writing space – but no, there is no cozy here.  We have just moved back into our home after 5 months of unexpected delays, problems, and expense for what was to have been a simple, two month home renovation.  There are few flat surfaces without boxes or bags, and the prospect of “order” lies in the remote future while life goes on and we try to remember what “normal” was and struggle to find it.

Yesterday, I worked for hours trying to write about peace and managed not a word…on paper.  There were lots of words in my prayer ( Help! being the most frequent)  and with myself ( Mary Ann, WHAT were you thinking when you signed up to write about Peace? You have lived your whole life in a wind tunnel.  What do you know about peace?).  I knew enough to stop there, because those words were not from God.  Today, I begin again.  

“Peace be with you.”  

It is so easy to package these words into an image of a simple pastoral scene of a countryside filled with sunshine and flowers speckling a country meadow.  How many times did Jesus use those words in greeting the disciples…and us…in the post traumatic days following his death?  “Peace be with you.”  Soothing, healing, merciful words that likely didn’t take root until the sorting, sifting, grace-filled days after Pentecost when all their memories began to make sense.

The wind tunnel is an apt description though. For me, the pastoral scene has always been lovely on a museum wall.  As much as I might wish for that tranquility, my real world has always been more about triage and working with people in distress – all of which is messy, chaotic and as cluttered as my house.  So…where is peace?  What is it?

Peace is not an absence of noise, of burdens, of pain, of pressure although that may be the case at times.  In consolation, peace is a presence.  Peace is the grounding presence of the Holy Spirit in my real life, in our lives right now; a grace, a pure gift that only God can give.   Consolation can seemingly come out of nowhere and flood our hearts with joy and peace.  St. Ignatius calls this surprising wonder “Consolation without preceding cause.” Sometimes it is a result of our mind or heart responding to a spiritual activity or memory that then fills us with Consolation’s peace. This St. Ignatius named “Consolation with preceding cause.”  (Spiritual Exercises #330)

God’s love is so expansive and enthusiastic, God must shower us with grace. That is consolation, and when it comes, how it comes is always a surprise.  Soft and warmly quiet or breathtaking, consolation is much more than a smile.  It fills and warms us, comforts and steadies us, and fills us with peace in every type of situation. 

Yesterday I went to a funeral for a man I’ve known for almost 40 years. Martin was larger than life, kind, funny, generous, compassionate, prayerful.  He survived the sadness of the death of his son in Afganistán and faithfully lived until cancer took his last breath.  The church was filled.  We were all sad, perplexed… still stunned by the reality of what we all knew was coming.  As our pastor told the few stories that our friend “allowed” him to tell, we heard even more of his courage and laughed at his humor. 

On the church wall behind the altar, there is a banner of a sketch of Jesus as Divine Mercy.  I noticed that the rays of blue coming from His heart seemed almost silver and were pointing to the altar.  During the homily and the mass all the way to the consecration, those rays glowed silver in the sunlight.  Curiously, that was the only place the sun rays touched. I know the story of St. Faustina and her work comforting the dying, but I had never been able to relate to the painting.  This was different and I was drawn to those silver rays immediately.  I was at the back of the church yet felt close to  them.  At the end of the Mass, when the body was blessed for the final time, the sunlight shifted and the rays on the banner were just threads.   I was surprised by the warmth and peace that filled me. I was happy for Martin and deeply grateful for the quiet calm and peace which seemed to touch everyone in the church. I was resting in the peace of God’s hands. 

Nothing in this life lasts forever.  I sit here surrounded by clutter and am surprised by how peaceful I feel. The clutter won’t last forever.  The truly grace filled gift is the realization that I am in a stage of life that requires making peace, letting go of possessions filled with cherished heart memories.  I can bless them with my tears and slowly, intentionally move them to new homes.  I am satisfied with every minor victory of a cleared surface and feel lighter for the grace that is clearing the cluttered surfaces in my heart.  I am at peace in the richness of my mess of memories.  It is time to close this prayerful respite with a soft thank you to the Holy Spirit and get back to work.

“Peace be with you.”

Going Deeper:

Fr. Timothy Gallagher, OMV has written many books interpreting the work of St. Ignatius.  The Discernment of Spirits, An Ignatian Guide for Everyday Living has helped me so much and continues to guide me.  There is a companion workbook, like a journal, which helped me to understand by  personalizing St. Ignatius’ rules making them a  real and essential part of my prayer.  I recommend both to you.

Image used this week is a sculpture by artist Kathë Kollwitz

Link to the sculpture on the artist’s website: click here

Information regarding Kathë Kollwitz from Mary Ann. Kathë was a German artist whose life and work has always touched my heart.  She created the image above as the marker for her family’s grave.  She lived with deep depression and sadness throughout her life and made peace with God, her life and losses before she died. The link provided will introduce her story if you don’t know it. This image is Peace for me…resting in the peace of His hands.