Scott LaPierre's Blog: Scott LaPierre | Living God's Way | Pastor, Author, and Speaker, page 41

3 Truths About Judging

Last post discussed what correcting people is: loving. This post will discuss what it is not. Unfortunately, if you correct some people you’ll often be criticized for judging.

In Matthew 7:1 Jesus said, “Judge not, that you be not judged.” This verse might have the distinction of being the most misunderstood and misinterpreted in all of Scripture. There are people who have never opened a Bible, but if they’re confronted they’re going to respond with some version of Jesus’ words.

When Jessica Simpson received criticism from the Christian community she said, “It didn’t really surprise me because I grew up with a lot of that backlash. That’s why I didn’t end up going into the Christian music industry. I think that if they’re really good Christians the judgment wouldn’t be there.” That pretty much sums up the attitude of many people. This is the mentality in the world, and unfortunately it can even be a mentality that creeps into the church.

1. Judging is something everyone does

Some people love to throw out Matthew 7:1 as though you can never say anything is wrong. But there is a real inconsistency – and even hypocrisy – with these people. Those who condemn others for judging do plenty of judging themselves. If you asked some of these people, “Is it wrong to murder, abuse children, or steal from others?” unless there is something wrong with them, they’re going to say, “Yes.” In answering in the affirmative they are judging.

You might be quick to say, “They’re only judging the action, not the person and that’s different!” Then imagine asking, “What do you think of Hitler, Stalin, Jeffrey Dahmer, or Charles Manson?” Are they going to say, “Who am I to judge? They were just following their hearts. I can’t say what they did was wrong. They were simply doing what they thought was right!” Again, they’re going to judge by recognizing the wicked actions of these people. The real irony is people who claim we shouldn’t judge get upset when others judge. They are judging people for judging.

Even people who criticize others for judging do plenty of judging themselves.

2. Scripture commands judging

In Matthew 7:15-20 Jesus discusses good and bad trees that represent people. Twice He says “you will know them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:16, 20). The fruit represents the “produce” from a person’s life. The process of looking at fruit to determine whether it is good or bad is judging.

Eight times in Matthew 23:13-29 Jesus said, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees.” Each time this was followed by a condemnation – or judgment – of their actions.

Consider these verses:

In John 7:24 Jesus said, “Judge with righteous judgment.”
Philippians 3:2 says, “Beware of dogs [and] evil workers!” We can only obey this verse if we have judged some people to be dogs and evil workers.
Titus 3:10 says, “Reject a divisive man after the first and second admonition.” The only way a divisive man can be rejected is if his actions have been judged as divisive.
1 Corinthians 5 discusses a man who was in gross sexual immorality. In verse 3 Paul said, “[I] have already judged [the one] who has done this deed.” Paul had no problem telling the entire church he judged the man’s actions.

3. Judging is a sign of maturity

Mature believers have the discernment to distinguish – or judge – between good and evil. Immature believers or unbelievers do not have the maturity to discern – or judge – between good and evil. Hebrews 5:14 says:

The mature…have their senses trained to discern good and evil.

Mature Christians can discern – or judge – between good and evil.

Similarly, 1 Corinthians 2:15 says:

Those who are spiritual judge all things.

The word “spiritual” is synonymous with “mature.” These people evaluate everything around them:

How many fathers wouldn’t judge a young man interested in their daughter?
What parents don’t judge the actions of their children’s friends to determine if they should let their children play with them?
Who doesn’t judge the behavior of people around them to determine whether they’re trustworthy?

So if Matthew 7:1 is not saying not to judge, what is it saying? That is the topic of the next post!

Discuss: Can you share about a time you were judged? How did you respond? Can you think of examples of judging harshly or incorrectly?

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3 Ways to Cultivate Friendship in Marriage

Relationships that continue to find ways to cultivate friendship in marriage are stronger than those that do not. Working to be best friends with your spouse is so important for satisfaction in the relationship. Doing life with someone you like spending time with is like a balm to your soul.

Another thing to think about here is the point the Scott makes in his book, Marriage God’s Way. He says:

Front cover of Marriage God’s Way by Scott LaPierre

It is natural to focus on the romance- eros (physical attraction or romantic love) of a marriage. But in doing so, we forget that marriage should actually be the union of two best friends. In many ways, phileo (a strong affection towards a friend) is a great description of what marriage should be: a deep and close friendship….

Of greater relevance to marriage is the fact that phileo is the love wives are instructed to have for their husbands. When Titus 2:3-4 commands older women to admonish younger women to love their husbands, the Greek word used is philandros- a combination of the words phileo and aner (Greek word for husband).

Friendship is certainly a need for your marriage. So how do you cultivate that in your relationship? Here are some ways you can do that.

1. Cultivate Friendship in Marriage Through Shared Experiences

Simply living in the same house doesn’t necessarily equal shared experiences. Some things will happen naturally, but to cultivate a deeper relationship, you have to become more intentional.

Set aside specific time to do things together. If you and your spouse do not have the same idea of fun, then plan to take turns doing the activity the other one likes.

Striking a balance with your shared experiences is important. Both of you need the freedom to suggest things you like doing and have the other go along with it. Best friends are just happy to be spending time together, whether the activity is their favorite or not.

These experiences should range from family outings, to volunteer opportunities, to participating in activities and hobbies together.

2. Cultivate Friendship in Marriage Through Meaningful Conversations

Maybe you and your spouse talk often, but are the conversations deep or meaningful? I find that a lot of couples spend a lot of time talking about their job, kids, and other responsibilities.

Make a concerted effort to have conversations that are not centered the home, work, or to-do lists. Rather, ask intentional questions that will get the other person thinking and sharing. When you ask the right things, it will turn into meaningful discussions where you can learn more about your spouse.

At a loss for what to talk about? I’m a huge advocate of conversation starters. Just read the question and both of you take turns answering it. I find that a lot of great discussion happens as a result of these types of questions.

3. Cultivate Friendship in Marriage by Laughing Together

Laughing together is invaluable for cultivating a deeper friendship. Find things that you can both laugh about. If you see a meme that you find funny, share it with them. If you hear a joke that you think they may like, tell them. Flirt with each other and smile a lot.

These are just a few ways that you can develop a deeper friendship with your spouse.

Share in the comments section: What would you add to the list? What have you found works in your relationship with your spouse?

Keelie is married to her high school sweetheart and is the mom of three awesome boys. She is a creator and loves sharing with the world around her. One of her biggest passions is to help married couples fall deeper in love with one another. She offers free printables to help the marriage relationship. You can read her marriage tips at Love Hope Adventure .

The post 3 Ways to Cultivate Friendship in Marriage appeared first on Scott LaPierre.

Correcting People Is Loving

Last post discussed the importance of correcting people, something largely ignored by the world. Our culture often says “love” means letting people do whatever they want whether it is detrimental to them or anyone else. Disagreeing with someone’s choices or lifestyle makes you at best unloving, and at worst hateful. This logic demands sitting back silently while people make decisions that are detrimental to them or others.

The Bible, on the other hand, points out the logical reality that love demands correcting people:

Proverbs 9:8 Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you;

rebuke a wise man, and he will love you.

He will love you, because he has the wisdom to recognize you have done him a favor.

Correcting People: The Behavior of Friends Versus Enemies

David saw it as an act of love to be rebuked by someone:

Psalm 141:5 Let the righteous strike me;

It shall be a kindness.

And let him rebuke me;

It shall be as excellent oil;

Let my head not refuse it.

David invited correction, because he knew how important it was if he was going to live a life fully committed to the Lord.

When someone is sinning, correcting is what a friend does. Silence – or worse encouragement – is what an enemy does:

Proverbs 27:5 Open rebuke is better

Than love carefully concealed.

6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend,

But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

Rebuking is better or more loving than “love” that remains silent when it should speak up. A true friend will hurt you at times. Someone who praises or compliments when a rebuke should take place is not just unloving, but is an enemy because of the selfishness of supporting or encouraging a destructive behavior.

Ecclesiastes 7:5 communicates the same truth:

It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise

Than for a man to hear the song of fools.

Comparing Ecclesiastes 7:5 with Proverbs 27:6 it is better to be wounded/rebuked by someone wise than kissed/sung to (or praised) by a fool/enemy.

A Wonderful Example

Nathan the prophet was a faithful friend to David. When David’s son Adonijah rebelled against him, two of David’s closest friends – Joab and Abiathar – tragically joined him (1 Kings 1:7). Nathan stayed faithful to David though. He warned David about the betrayal through David’s wife Bathsheba (1 Kings 1:11-24).

Was this the greatest example of Nathan’s friendship? I don’t think so. I think the greatest example took place years earlier when Nathan confronted David about his sins of adultery and murder. David refused to repent. He tried to hide his sin, and for almost a year he had been able to do so. But then Nathan visited David and told him a story about a man who acted very wickedly. David didn’t know the story was about him. In 2 Samuel 12:5-7 Nathan revealed the truth:

So David’s anger was greatly aroused against the man, and he said to Nathan, “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this shall surely die! And he shall restore fourfold for the lamb, because he did this thing and because he had no pity.”

Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man!

When was Nathan a better friend to David? When he stood by David or when he confronted him about his sin? I would say when he confronted him, because that’s when Nathan risked the most, even his own life.

If you want to know who your real friends are, think of the people who have been honest with you even when they knew it would hurt. If you want to know the people who really love you, think of the people who corrected you even when they knew it might damage the relationship. Of the friends we have, these are the ones who love us enough to put our best interests ahead of even the friendship itself.

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3 Reasons Giving Correction Is Important

Giving correction is vitally important to the health and joy of marriages, families, churches, businesses, teams, etc. You name it – any group or organization that involves relationships – requires giving correction.

Why is that? We’re sinners. We sin against others and others sin against us. We have to be able to give correction to others, and we have to allow others to correct us. Here are three reasons this is so important!

1. Giving correction protects against bitterness.

When people sin against us, it can create an offense. We have to talk to the person that upset us. The alternative allows bitterness to develop, and it can have far-reaching consequences:

Hebrews 12:15b Lest any root of bitterness spring up causing trouble, and by this many become defiled.

Nothing ruins relationships faster than having an offense but not going to the person that offended you. The hurt festers creating anger and hostility.

We treat people differently when we’re upset with them, perhaps even unknowingly. The person who offended us will say, “You seem different toward me. Did I do something wrong?” We should share how the person hurt us, but we quickly respond in a dishonest way, “No, everything is fine.” We didn’t even know our offense had caused such a noticeable difference in our actions.

2. Giving correction allows relationships to develop.

When correction can’t be given in a relationship, it’s almost impossible to move beyond a superficial level. Relationships that can’t discuss hurts or offenses are completely shallow. A real friendship – whether in a family or in the church – should be able to see either of the following take place:

“You shouldn’t have _______” followed by the response, “Thank you for pointing that out to me.”
“It hurt me when you _______” followed by the response, “I’m sorry for _______, will you please forgive me?”

Proverbs 15:1 says that it is, “to [our] glory to overlook an offense.” But this only applies IF we can do what the verse says and overlook the offense. If we’re still angry about something weeks, months, or – sadly even – years later, we need to go to the person.

3. Giving correction fosters spiritual growth.

Correction is vitally important to our maturity. Sanctification is the Holy Spirit convicting – or correcting – us about an area that needs to be more conformed into the image and likeness of Christ. Often the Holy Spirit will use people in our lives to accomplish this. Those close to us identify blind spots we’ve been unable to see. Whether it’s because of pride or ignorance, there are some issues in our lives that require the help of others to recognize the change that’s needed.

Sometimes we respond poorly by getting upset, making excuses, or trying to turn the tables on the other person. All this does is shortchange our spiritual growth. This is why the Bible places so much emphasis on the way we respond to correction. There are positive or negative consequences associated with the way we respond to correction:

Poverty and shame will come to him who disdains correction (negative), but he who regards a rebuke will be honored (positive) – Proverbs 13:18
Harsh discipline is for him who forsakes the way, and he who hates correction will die (negative) – Proverbs 15:10.
The ear that hears the rebukes of life will abide among the wise (positive). He who disdains instruction despises his own soul (negative), but he who heeds rebuke gets understanding (positive) – Proverbs 15:31-32.
He who is often rebuked, and hardens his neck, will suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy (negative)   – Proverbs 29:1.

Discuss: How do you respond when people correct you? Do you care enough about others to give them correction when it’s needed?

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Top Three Things I Learned From My Dad, John LaPierre

Lots of wonderful friends came out to surprise my dad, John LaPierre, on his 65th birthday.

Friday night was my dad’s surprise 65th birthday party. Different people took turns standing sharing about him, and it was very touching. I’m thankful for all the wonderful friends God has put in my parents’ lives. Also, my dad is a really wonderful man, and it blessed me to see how many others recognize that. I concluded the time of sharing, discussing the top three things I learned from my dad.

First, Dad taught us to work hard
Front view of the house I grew up in from our visit in 2014.

My dad is one of the hardest workers I’ve ever met. When people shared about my dad, this was the most common thing they said, pointing out how he’s such a servant.

When I was growing up, I don’t remember much sitting around. We grew up in the mountains, and it seemed like Dad always had work for us to do. While most of my friends looked forward to summers, I remember thinking it just meant more work around the house. I tried to get a job as soon as I could, because at least then I would make money while working :).

A view of the house from the road. This rock wall is special to me because of the time Dad and I built it together. We used the rocks we’d taken from the front and backyards when we put in the lawns.

My parents grew up in New York and moved out to California when I was one. My dad grew up working on his uncle’s dairy farm. The summer after 8th grade I flew back to New York to work on that same dairy farm. That was special to me to be at the place, doing many of the same things my dad did decades earlier.

There were plenty of times I hated how much Dad made us work. I was frustrated that I didn’t get to have as much fun as my friends. Looking back though, I couldn’t be more thankful for my dad’s work ethic and that he tried so hard to pass it along to us.

Second, Dad pointed us toward the Lord as early as I can remember
After giving Dad the first copy of Marriage God’s Way.

I became a Christian in my early twenties. My parents became Christians a few years later with me being able to baptize both of them. Now Dad serves as a deacon at the church I pastor. This is one reason I was so thankful to dedicate Marriage God’s Way to my dad and give him the first copy at a morning worship service at WCC.

From as early as I can remember my parents talked to me about God and told me Jesus died for my sins. We spent lots of evenings kneeling on the floor in our living room praying together as a family. Church was a priority. I remember almost never missing, including even when we were on vacation. The foundation God built on was laid by my parents, and especially my father.

Third, my dad taught me to take care of my family
One of my dad’s good friends, golfing partner, and a fellow deacon, Steve Moeller, sharing about my dad.

Dad was a wonderful family man. My mother, brother, and I were the most important parts of my dad’s life. I don’t remember Dad having any hobbies. He worked a lot, and when he wasn’t working he was with us.

Dad also showed me what it looked like for a husband to make his wife a priority. I mentioned earlier that we moved out to California from New York. That’s because my mom’s parents moved out to California, and Dad left all of his family and friends so Mom could be with her parents.

My dad’s commitment to family has continued to this day. When my parents retired they moved to Lemoore, CA to be with us. When we moved to Woodland they sold their home and soon followed us. They’ve sacrificed a lot to be with us, but I believe it’s a sacrifice God has blessed because my parents said their years in Woodland have been the best of their lives.

My Dad sets the example for my family where I fail
My children adore their grandfather.

I have plenty of weaknesses as a father and husband. One of the most glaring is in the area of service. I can be selfish, focusing on the things I have to do without thinking about the obligations of others, even those closest to me, like my wife. At times when I do serve, I don’t do so joyfully.

As parents we want to set the best example for our children. This is one more reason I’m so thankful for my dad and the close relationship he has with my children. While I don’t set the best example, he does. I hope they remember the way my dad loved and served others, especially his family and the church.

Happy birthday to my wonderful dad, John LaPierre. As my children get older I’ll feel very blessed if my children looked up to me as much as I look up to my dad.

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Why we should follow the script (or Scripture)

Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons

We homeschool our children, taking them through Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons when they’re around four. We’ve been pleased with the book, including the way the instruction is presented like a script. The words Katie is supposed to say are in red, and our child’s responses are in black. There’s a response provided if a child answers correctly, and a different response if a child answers incorrectly.

“Don’t deviate from the script!”
Corrective Reading

When I taught elementary school, I was taught a very similar program, called Corrective Reading. I remember thinking at the training, “Anyone could do this!” One of the most common instructions they told us was, “Don’t deviate from the script.”

Unfortunately, when I went back to the classroom to teach my own students there were times I completely disregarded the instruction I was given:

Sometimes I thought something was unnecessary.
Sometimes I thought I could say it better myself.
Sometimes I thought it would be better if I added something.

Here’s what I noticed very quickly:

When I followed the script, things went well.
When I deviated from the script, there were problems.

If I had to say why I deviated from the script, I believe the answer is obvious. I thought I knew better than the author.

I can’t help seeing the similarities with Scripture. God’s Word is a perfect script for us to follow in our lives, families, marriages, churches, etc. When we deviate from the script – or Scripture – we end up having problems.

We don’t know better than the Author

The Bible has to be approached with an amount of faith. I don’t mean the kind of faith that says the Bible is the Word of God. Most Christians acknowledge this without hesitation. I mean the kind of faith that says, “God knows best. Even if I don’t understand, I’m still going to obey.” We talk about “walking by faith” and heading to a foreign country as a missionary comes to mind, but few find ourselves in that situation. The daily way we walk by faith is by submitting to Scripture when it doesn’t make sense, or more strongly, we disagree.

There are areas of Scripture that I find hard to accept. One example is the doctrine of eternal punishment. Hell is not what I would imagine as a fair or just punishment even for a lifetime of wickedness. But I absolutely believe in hell, defend it, and teach about it from behind the pulpit. Revelation 19:2 says, “True and righteous are God’s judgments.” Just because something doesn’t make sense to me, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It simply means in my finite mind I can’t fathom the wisdom of an infinite God.

Someone might be quick to say, “Doesn’t that show a mindlessness to go along with something you don’t understand?” Actually, I think it reveals:

A humility when people acknowledge they don’t know everything
A wisdom in recognizing God does

If God’s Word becomes a book we treat like a buffet – picking what we like and ignoring what we don’t – it loses its power in our lives. The need to follow the Script is absolutely essential.

Discuss: What parts of Scripture have you found to accept? How have you encouraged yourself to obey?

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3 Ways to Build a Stronger Marriage

Developing a strong marriage takes daily investment– you can’t set it and forget it. Relationships are ever changing, because people and life are ever changing. With intentional changes, you can build a stronger marriage and go deeper with your spouse.

Here are 3 ways you can build a stronger marriage-

1. Give Them The Benefit of The Doubt

There are going to be times in which your spouse says or does something that hurts your feelings. It can be easy to jump to conclusions that they did the offensive thing on purpose. Just because they know you better than anyone else, doesn’t mean that they always know how their actions will affect you.

Instead of concluding that they did something intentionally, give them the benefit of the doubt. Believing that they meant to hurt you will cause your defenses to go up. Going to them about an issue when you are defensive will usually lead to unnecessary fighting.

Rather than believing that they were trying to hurt you, consider that they did it unknowingly. Your spouse is not your enemy, but you can make them out to be if you don’t give them the benefit of the doubt.

2. Become a Lifelong Student of Your Spouse

My husband, Austin, says that I’m his favorite subject and that he is committed to studying me for the rest of his life. Boy do I give him a lot to learn.

Even if you have known your spouse for a long time, it doesn’t mean that you have them all figured out. They change- you change- everything changes.

If you commit to being a lifelong student of your spouse, then you when those changes happen, you will know it. Committing to studying them will keep you connected. The moment you assume there is nothing new left to learn about them, is the moment you will start drifting apart.

3. Put an End to Busyness 

Being busy is a badge of honor that many people wear, but it can quickly destroy your relationship. To have a strong marriage, you need time to invest in one another. It is vital to spend uninterrupted time together on a regular basis.

In order to stop being so busy, it will require you both making intentional decisions to say “no”. Before either of you agree to a commitment, discuss it. Be willing to hear your spouse tell you their honest opinion about taking on the responsibility.

Carve out time to be together where you put electronic devices down, cut off the television, and send the kids away. By spending intentional time together, you have the ability to connect emotionally, spiritually, and physically. All of these components are necessary for a strong relationship.

There are many things you can do to have a better marriage, but these are great places to start. What are ways you build a stronger relationship?

Keelie is married to her high school sweetheart and is the mom of three awesome boys. She is a creator and loves sharing with the world around her. One of her biggest passions is to help married couples fall deeper in love with one another. She offers free printables to help the marriage relationship. You can read her marriage tips at Love Hope Adventure .

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What does it mean to “be filled with the Spirit”?

[image error]Let Scripture teach you what it means to “be filled with the Spirit.”

This might be one of the most controversial questions in the church. Ask one hundred people what it means to “be filled with the Spirit” and you’ll probably receive almost as many different responses. Unfortunately, for some people church background determines their answer more than Scripture. I include myself in this category, because for a period of time I believed being Spirit filled looked more like what I’d been told than what the Bible actually taught.

So what does the Bible say it means to be filled with the Spirit?

Being filled with the Spirit means producing the fruit of the Spirit

Galatians 5:22-23 The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

These two verses identify what the Holy Spirit produces in a person’s life. If people claim to be filled with the Spirit, there should be plenty of these fruit evident.

Unfortunately, when some people claim to be filled with the Spirit there are manifestations that look more like the works of the flesh. Disorderly occurrences such as laughing in the Spirit, being slain or drunk in the Spirit, excessive crying, screaming, dancing, or violent shaking are a few of the supposed evidences of the Spirit’s work in a person’s life. What these demonstrations do is make people ask, “Are [they] of [their] mind?” (1 Corinthians 14:23).

Being filled with the Spirit means looking like Jesus

Colossians 1:19 & 2:9 For it pleased the Father in [Jesus] all the fullness should dwell…in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily.

Jesus possessed the fullness of the Holy Spirit. He was the most Spirit-filled Person to walk the earth. He reveals what it looks like to be filled with the Spirit. Conversely, it would seem to be impossible for someone to engage in behavior or activity unseen in Christ’s life and claim it’s part of being filled with the Spirit.

Being filled with the Spirit means yielding to the Holy Spirit

Ephesians 5:18 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit.

It might sound odd to compare drunkenness with being filled with the Spirit, but Paul’s point can be summed up with the word “influence.” People who are driving drunk are “driving under the influence.” Just as alcohol has the potential to influence, so does the Holy Spirit. People filled with the Spirit should be those most yielded to, or submitted to, the Holy Spirit’s influence.

Two closing thoughts…

John the Baptist said, “God does not give the Spirit by measure” (John 3:34). This means no believer receives more or less of the Holy Spirit than other believers. God isn’t stingy with some and extra generous with others. When people claim to have more of the Holy Spirit than others they’re showing a pride and ignorance of Scripture.
Jesus said, “How much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him” (Luke 11:13). This looked forward to the availability of the Holy Spirit at conversion, simply by asking in faith to be saved. The Holy Spirit is not reserved only for the ultra-spiritual or mature Christians. God is pleased to seal each believer with His Spirit (Ephesians 1:13, 4:30, 2 Corinthians 1:22, 5:5).

Discuss: What comes to mind when you hear the words “filled with the Spirit”? Have you had bad experiences with people teaching – or demonstrating – something contrary to Scripture?

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What Keeps Couples From Communicating?

Keelie Reason blogs at Love Hope Adventure, and I invited her to share about communicating well in marriage. I’m glad to have her here, and I believe she’ll be providing more posts in the future!

What Keeps Couples From Communicating?
—Keelie Reason

Over the last few years, my husband and I have had some major breakthroughs in our ability to communicate. I feel that we have always had a great foundation for communicating, but we were still missing the mark with each other. This is not to say that we have it all figured out, but there are a few things that we have discovered that keeps couples from communicating well.

Listening To Their Words Doesn’t Equal Understanding

We are told over and over again that all we have to do is really listen to our spouse. I can tell you that there have been plenty of times that I have intently listened to my husband and still didn’t understand what he was communicating. Why isn’t listening enough?

You Aren’t Speaking The Same Language

If I were listening to someone speak another language, I would have little idea of what they were trying to communicate. This happens in our native language as well. Words do not have the same meaning to everyone. One person in the relationship will say something as clearly as they know how and the other will not interpret it correctly.

My husband and I have very different ideas of the meaning of the word relax. For him, relax means to sit in front of the television and do nothing for the rest of the day. To me, relax means to leave the house and go do something so I can shut off the working part of my brain.

Actions Are Misunderstood

Another major form of communication comes through your actions. You can very easily do something that sends the wrong message to your spouse. Just like our spoken words, our actions have different meanings.

You Aren’t Speaking The Same Love Language

For a long time, I didn’t give any credence to love languages. After being married for a few years, I came to realize that understanding the way your spouse gives and receives love is huge.

My love language isn’t the same as my husband. When I would show him love through my means, I’d be disappointed with his response. The same would happen when he would show love to me in his own way and I would unknowingly shoot him down.

By not knowing how your spouse gives and receives love, you can both feel unloved in the marriage. Not only that, their actions can communicate that you haven’t done enough when they ask you to show them love in their language.

Communicating Never Happens Without Distraction

There are many reasons that you and your spouse may be distracted while talking. It could be that you have children that are being loud. Maybe one or both of you are fielding work messages or texting with friends. Whatever it is, a couple isn’t focusing their full attention on one another.

Stop multi-tasking while you are talking with your spouse. It may mean for important conversations that you stop and have them at a later time when you can focus.

You Are Too Busy

What’s worse than having distracted conversations? Not having any conversations at all. Busyness is a big problem when it comes to keep a thriving relationship. If you have too much going on to connect, then you need to re-evaluate your schedule.

You Don’t Understand Your Own Feelings

There is no way that you can properly communicate to others if you don’t fully understand your feelings towards something. Your spouse may be doing something or saying something that hurts you, but you aren’t sure why. Self-awareness is vital to your ability to communicate yourself well.

These are some of the reasons that couples struggle to communicate with one another. Miscommunications lead to hurt, frustrations, and resentment in a relationship. It takes constant work to communicate yourself well.

About Keelie…

Keelie is married to her high school sweetheart and is the mom of three awesome boys. She is a creator and loves sharing with the world around her. One of her biggest passions is to help married couples fall deeper in love with one another. She offers free printables to help the marriage relationship. You can read her marriage tips at Love Hope Adventure .

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Where true greatness comes from…

Jacob blesses Pharaoh (Genesis 47:7-10)

Where does true greatness come from? The answer is revealed in one of the most unique meetings in Scripture. Joseph rose to a position of great prominence in Egypt, second only to Pharaoh himself. When he brought his family to Egypt he introduced his father, Jacob, to Pharaoh. Genesis 47:7-10 records the meeting between these two men:

Then Joseph brought in his father Jacob and set him before Pharaoh; and Jacob blessed Pharaoh. Pharaoh said to Jacob, “How old are you?”

And Jacob said to Pharaoh, “The days of the years of my pilgrimage are one hundred and thirty years; few and evil have been the days of the years of my life, and they have not attained to the days of the years of the life of my fathers in the days of their pilgrimage.” So Jacob blessed Pharaoh, and went out from before Pharaoh.

Two Very Different Men

Pharaoh was the ruler of the known world. He was the wealthiest, most powerful man in his day. He lived a life of luxury and extravagance few can imagine, even being an object of worship by his people. This helps explain why four centuries later God destroyed Pharaoh and his nation with the worst plagues ever known. The Lord convinced the world there’s only one God, and it’s not Pharaoh. Before that though, nobody was greater or more impressive than Pharaoh. At least from an earthly perspective.

Jacob on the other hand was old, weary, and weak. When Pharaoh asked Jacob about his life, he responded that his days had been hard; he even described them as “evil.” Why? Because of all the trials and sorrow he’d experienced.

The contrast between these two men is huge. They stand in stark contrast to each other, demonstrating the spiritual truth of the Beatitudes. And between the two of them Pharaoh looked much greater than Jacob. But at the end of their meeting, something really interesting happened. Twice it says “Jacob blessed Pharaoh.”

Why is this so interesting? Hebrews 7:7 says, “The greater blesses the lesser.”

Where did Jacob’s greatness come from?

Regardless of how things look from an earthly, physical perspective, the only thing that makes people truly great is a relationship with the Lord. Jacob had this, but Pharaoh didn’t.

It doesn’t matter how much fame, power, or wealth people have, if they don’t know God they don’t have anything. Conversely, it also doesn’t matter how poor and miserable people’s lives have been, if they do know God they’re rich and great.

Greatness is determined any number of ways by the world, but from God’s perspective, it only comes from knowing Him:

Jeremiah 9:23 “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, or the mighty man boast in his might, or the rich man boast in his riches. Let the one who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” declares the Lord.

Wisdom, strength, and riches mean nothing apart from God. The world talks about being great, pursuing greatness, finding your own inner greatness, etc. But if you want to pursue greatness, pursue God.

Discuss: What makes people great in the world’s eyes? What makes people great in God’s eyes?

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