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“What if my husband isn’t interested in the Bible?”

On Thursday nights at 8:30PST Katie and I are answering marriage questions on Facebook Live. If you have a question, be sure to send it to us. This past Thursday I answered the following: “What if my husband isn’t interested in the Bible?”

Below is the video. Here’s a breakdown of the content if you’d like to skip to a certain part:

0–14:15—I answered the above question
14:15–16:00—Katie shared briefly from  Marriage God’s Way
16:00–28:15—I discussed Genesis 30:1-2, which contains instruction for husbands and wives
28:15–31.5 – Closing thoughts

Part I: 0–14:15 – “What if my husband isn’t interested in the Bible?”

Here’s the full question:

“My husband isn’t interested in the Bible. I’m becoming more interested in theology, but my husband feels like the topics that interest me don’t matter. He feels like a Christian is a Christian regardless. My question is, for a wife whose husband doesn’t agree with her theologically, what should I do? Should I just relax and let God work?”

Here are three suggestions:

Pray! If your husband husband isn’t interested in the bible, you can’t make him be interested. Spiritual hunger and spiritual thirst is just that: spiritual. You can pray God gives him that hunger and thirst, but it’s not something you can give him.
Encourage him! Be enthusiastic whenever he discusses Scripture. That will hopefully excite him about discussing it with you in the future.
Ask him questions! Give him the opportunity to share. Keep your expectations low if he isn’t very studied. Do your best to prevent it from turning into an argument. That will only discourage him from talking about the Bible with you in the future.

Your husband isn’t interested in the bible, but maybe following these suggestions will change that!

One more thing to keep in mind…

Except for the biggest theological differences, God cares more about the peace in your marriage than He cares about your differences. 1 Corinthians 7 contains principles for marriage, and in verse 15 Paul says:

But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.

We’re called to be at peace with others (Romans 12:18), but Paul specifically has marriage in mind in this verse. Peace is so important Paul says a believing spouse shouldn’t engage in conflict over an unbelieving spouse’s departure. Unbelievers are never won to Christ through heated conflict. It’s more important to be true to the Christian testimony of peace than attempt to keep an unbeliever in a marriage by arguing.

14:15–16:00—Katie shared briefly from Marriage God’s Way

Here’s the passage:

Chapter Fifteen – Winning Over Your Husband

If a wife wants her husband to read God’s Word more, pray more, or be a godlier man, rather than nagging him, she herself should read God’s Word more, pray more, and be a godlier woman. Wives should be encouraged by Jesus’s promise to send the Holy Spirit in John 16:8: “When [the Holy Spirit] has come, He will convict the world of sin.” Notice the emphasis is on the Holy Spirit doing the convicting. This includes husbands, unbelieving or otherwise! Wives are not supposed to take over the Holy Spirit’s role in their husbands’ lives. Wives should pray, and then trust the Holy Spirit to do the work Jesus promised He would do.

No husband can sit at home being unspiritual and lame while watching his spiritual wife without feeling ashamed. A husband might pretend that he is not convicted, and his wife might not be able to tell by looking at him that he feels convicted, but he does. In contrast, when a wife is unsubmissive, angry, and nagging, the husband does not see God through her and as a result avoids feeling convicted at all.

Then Katie briefly discussed not being the Holy Spirit in your husband’s life.

16:00–28:15 —I discussed Genesis 30:1–2, which contains a lesson for husbands and wives

Jacob had two wives, Rachel and Leah, which was part of the problem. In Scripture, polygamy is descriptive, but not prescriptive. Scripture is:

Describing something that took place
Not prescribing what we should do

There are no examples of polygamy being accompanied by peace and harmony. Every instance is characterized by turmoil and strife.

Chapter 30 begins after Leah gave birth to four sons: Reuben, Simeon, Levi and Judah. But Rachel hasn’t been able to have any children. There weren’t (and many women would say still aren’t) many things worse for a woman than not being able to have children. Rachel feels feels terrible, especially when considering her sister – who also happens to be her husband’s other wife – just had four sons.

Genesis 30:1 Now when Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister, and said to Jacob, “Give me children, or else I die!”

Here are three observations about Rachel’s behavior:

Women are more emotional than men. Not having children was terrible, but talking about dying because of it is fairly melodramatic.
Rachel held Jacob responsible. Was it really his fault she couldn’t have any children? Clearly not since he’d been able to have children with Leah. Rachel should’ve taken her petition to the Lord instead.
Much of Rachel’s anger stemmed from Leah having children. This means her outburst was motivated by jealousy.

Here’s the application for wives:

Do you hold your husband responsible for your suffering?
When you’re upset do you get upset with him?
If you’re having a bad day, are you going to make sure your husband – or the rest of your family – has a bad day too?
Is jealousy of other women planting a root of bitterness in your heart?

Jacob had the opportunity to be a loving, understanding husband, but…

 Genesis 30:2  And Jacob’s anger was aroused against Rachel, and he said, “Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?”

Husbands are commanded to recognize their wives are the weaker vessel and dwell with them in an understanding way (1 Peter 3:7). Here’s what he could’ve said:

How can I dwell with my wife with understanding, recognizing she’s the weaker vessel?
It’s reasonable for her to be so upset, because her femininity is bound up in being able to have children. What can I do to encourage her?
She’s giving in to the sin of covetousness. How can I help her overcome this weakness without being harsh?
This is what I’ll say: “I am so sorry you haven’t been able to have any children. This must be really difficult. Let’s pray about this together.”

Instead, Jacob responded in anger and it pictures a common response from men. When wives are emotional it can be tempting for husbands to get angry in return, but this violates God’s command.

It’s worth noticing everything Jacob said was right. He’s not in control of whether Rachel had children. But he’s still wrong because of the way he responded. As husbands we can be right, but still be wrong when we’re unkind to our wives.

28:15–31.5—Closing

Katie discussed:

Husbands not being their wives’ girlfriend
The holiday special on Marriage God’s Way: $24.99 for two books and this includes shipping:

Here is the link to make your payment through PayPal.
Contact me if you have any questions.

Send us your marriage questions and we’ll answer them Thursday nights at 8:30PST.

The post “What if my husband isn’t interested in the Bible?” appeared first on Scott LaPierre.

The best way to counsel believers in sin

Glennon Doyle Melton and Abby Wambach

There’s terrible confusion regarding what is and isn’t loving when it comes to correcting people. This makes it difficult to counsel believers in sin. Take for instance homosexuality, which draws almost immediate hostility when criticized. The most disheartening situations occur when believers defend sinful behavior. Take for instance author, speaker, and professing Christian Glennon Doyle Melton announcing she is in a relationship with soccer star Abby Wambach.

How would I counsel professing believers in sin, such as Glennon Doyle Melton?

Before Katie and I were married, she looked for a job doing massage. We were excited when the professing Christian owner of a local barber shop offered her a room. After Katie’s first day of work she told me, “I don’t know how to say this, but the woman who owns the shop…is a man.”

Genesis 1:27 says God created us male and female. “She” was a man despite the physical changes he made to his body. Since he claimed to be a Christian, we decided to speak with him about living such a lifestyle while professing to follow Christ.

A Christian friend of ours was angry with us saying:

“How can you think of calling ‘her’ a ‘him’? How can you think of confronting ‘her’ about this? This is so unloving!”

I think her sentiments capture the way a number of people feel about confronting sin.

Counsel believers in sin by having them read the Bible aloud

If I simplified counseling, this is what my approach often looks like:

Find verses dealing with people’s sin.
Have them read the verses aloud.
Ask them what the verses mean.
Invite them to share what application the verses have to their situation.

I do this instead of saying, “This is what Scripture says…” or “The Bible says what you’re doing is wrong.” There are multiple reasons for this:

 It’s much better to let Scripture speak to people and convict them.
There’s something powerful about people reading aloud verses that condemn the sin they’re engaging in.
When people feel criticized they’re tempted to become defensive and hostile. It’s much harder for them to do that when Scripture – as opposed to a person – is telling them their actions are sinful.
Sharing Scripture can save you a lot of time, energy, and frustration. If people will argue with God’s Word, there’s little you can say.

If you counsel believers in sin by having them read the Bible, they can still feel loved

Katie and I invited the man to our house and he came with a Bible in hand. We had him read two passages clearly condemning homosexuality: Romans 1:26-27 and 1 Corinthians 6:9-10. We asked him what the verses meant and he responded humbly. Had he argued, we wouldn’t have seen much value in continuing the conversation. Again, if Scripture doesn’t convince him, what chance do we have?

We tried to be gentle with him, but also honest. He broke down toward the end and started crying. He said:

“Nobody has ever treated me like this. People always seemed like they didn’t want to deal with me. Nobody ever seemed like they cared about me like this before.”

I don’t like mentioning his words, because it seems prideful. But I think leaving them out compromises an important part of the account. When people feel like God’s Word is confronting them – versus you – they’re less likely to take it personally.

He didn’t say he’d repent. He said he’d think about what we shared with him and pray about it. Unfortunately, I’ve noticed this response is usually code for, “I don’t want to argue with you, and I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing, but I want to appear spiritual so I’ll say, ‘I’ll pray about it.’” Way too many counseling sessions have ended with the words, “I’ll pray about it,” only to find out later the individual made no changes.

We invited him to church and back to our house the next week, but he never returned. Hopefully God’s Word took root in his heart and he repented. Katie and I felt like we had done what we could, and we were glad he at least learned what God’s Word said about his situation.

Discuss

How do you counsel believers in sin? What advice do you have? Are there some situations you’ve experienced that you care to share?

If you’d like to read more, check out this post by my wife: “If my child ever says, ‘I’m gay.'”

 

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We want to answer marriage questions on Facebook Live!

Katie and I started using Facebook Live to answer marriage questions sent to us. Here are two sessions:

“Should we leave this church?” and “My husband likes our kids more than me!”
“How should I respond when my husband mocks Christianity?”

We’re striving for one live session each Thursday night at 7PM PST. After we finish, I upload each video to our Marriage God’s Way YouTube channel. Please subscribe to make sure you don’t miss any videos!

I have to say this is much more in Katie’s comfort zone than mine. I like to plan things out in detail. By the time I preach a sermon, I like to have invested a lot of time polishing it. I wouldn’t mind the videos so much if they weren’t live. The inability to start over is particularly nerve-wracking, but this is the only way to participate with us. People can post thoughts, questions, contributions, etc in the comments section while we’re recording.

Below are the three most recent videos we’ve done. I’ll provide a brief explanation of each, so you can decide which to watch.

Marriage Tips from Marriage God’s Way 

Katie and I shared two tips from my book:

Wives, embrace your husband’s leadership style, from Chapter Fourteen.
Husbands, you get the wife you prepare for yourself, from Chapter Nine. Ephesians 5:26-27 says Christ “sanctifies and cleanses the church…that He might present her to Himself a glorious [bride]”. Christ gets the church He prepares for Himself, and since this is a marriage passage it contains the same application for husbands with their wives.

We also answered a question that was given to us in the comment section: “How do you encourage a husband to be a stronger spiritual leader, without being a nag and the annoying wife?”

Here’s the link to the video on Facebook.

Should a Christian wife do all the spiritual training?

Here’s a question sent to me that I answered first:

Should a Christian wife who is married to a Christian husband do 100% of the spiritual training, Bible reading, Bible study with the children when a husband won’t do it or do you think that it lets the husband off the hook? This is not the case of a wife thinking they can do it better or not making room for the husband to do it, the husband just won’t do it.

Then Katie answered a question about compatibility issues and adapting to your spouse.

The third question was sent to us while we were recording:

Scott, earlier, Katie mentioned the typical marital pitfalls, but what advice do you have with regard to blended families? We’re Faith centered, but sometimes we meet challenges…particularly with regard to the step roles.

Here’s the link to the video on Facebook.

What should I do if my husband and I disagree?

Here’s the question I received:

What does a wife do when her conviction regarding a spiritual principle is different than her husband’s? For example, I have a conviction that we should be tithing. For a while we were, but when money got tight, my husband said that we should not tithe again until all of our debt is paid off. We have school loans, so we’re easily talking a decade from now. So, what does a wife do when her conviction is not the same as her husband’s in an area like this?

Then Katie shared about “keeping the marriage in the marriage” from Marriage God’s Way.

Here’s the link to the video on Facebook.

Here’s what you can do:

Subscribe to our Marriage God’s Way YouTube channel. We upload the videos when we finish recording.
“Like” our Marriage God’s Way Facebook page to receive updates and be reminded when we’re going Live.
Send us your marriage questions and we’ll try to answer them!

The post We want to answer marriage questions on Facebook Live! appeared first on Scott LaPierre.

We want to answer your marriage questions on Facebook Live!

Katie and I started using Facebook Live to answer marriage questions sent to us. Most people want to stay anonymous and that’s fine. We’re striving for one live session each Thursday night at 7PM PST. After we finish, I upload each video to our Marriage God’s Way YouTube channel. Please subscribe to make sure you don’t miss any videos!

I have to say this is much more in Katie’s comfort zone than mine. I like to plan things out in detail. By the time I preach a sermon, I like to have invested a lot of time polishing it. I wouldn’t mind the videos so much if they weren’t live. The inability to start over is particularly nerve-wracking, but this is the only way to participate with us. People can post thoughts, questions, contributions, etc in the comments section while we’re recording.

I’d like to share the three most recent videos we’ve done. I’ll provide a brief explanation of each, so you can decide which to watch.

Marriage Tips from Marriage God’s Way 

Katie and I shared two tips from my book:

Wives, embrace your husband’s leadership style, from Chapter Fourteen.
Husbands, you get the wife you prepare for yourself, from Chapter Nine. Ephesians 5:26-27 says Christ “sanctifies and cleanses the church…that He might present her to Himself a glorious [bride]”. Christ gets the church He prepares for Himself, and since this is a marriage passage it contains the same application for husbands with their wives.

We also answered a question that was given to us in the comment section: “How do you encourage a husband to be a stronger spiritual leader, without being a nag and the annoying wife?”

Here’s the link to the video on Facebook.

Should a Christian wife do all the spiritual training?

Here’s a question sent to me that I answered first:

Should a Christian wife who is married to a Christian husband do 100% of the spiritual training, Bible reading, Bible study with the children when a husband won’t do it or do you think that it lets the husband off the hook? This is not the case of a wife thinking they can do it better or not making room for the husband to do it, the husband just won’t do it.

Then Katie answered a question about compatibility issues and adapting to your spouse.

The third question was sent to us while we were recording:

Scott, earlier, Katie mentioned the typical marital pitfalls, but what advice do you have with regard to blended families? We’re Faith centered, but sometimes we meet challenges…particularly with regard to the step roles.

Here’s the link to the video on Facebook.

What should I do if my husband and I disagree?

Here’s the question I received:

What does a wife do when her conviction regarding a spiritual principle is different than her husband’s? For example, I have a conviction that we should be tithing. For a while we were, but when money got tight, my husband said that we should not tithe again until all of our debt is paid off. We have school loans, so we’re easily talking a decade from now. So, what does a wife do when her conviction is not the same as her husband’s in an area like this?

Then Katie shared about “keeping the marriage in the marriage” from Marriage God’s Way.

Here’s the link to the video on Facebook.

Here’s what you can do:

Subscribe to our Marriage God’s Way YouTube channel. We upload the videos when we finish recording.
“Like” our Marriage God’s Way Facebook page to receive updates and be reminded when we’re going Live.
Send us your marriage questions and we’ll try to answer them!

The post We want to answer your marriage questions on Facebook Live! appeared first on Scott LaPierre.

Book Review of Reflecting Christmas by Matthew J. Elliot

I was given the opportunity to review Reflecting Christmas by Matthew J. Elliot. Matthew is the founder of Love the Saints Ministries, a website committed to “Encouraging Believers Every Step of the Way.”

Christmas is the most well-known, and popular holiday in the world. While cultures are separated by vast differences, no matter where you go, you’ll find people who celebrate this holiday. In Reflecting Christmas, Matthew looks to the Christ behind all the traditions and practices.

The Content of Reflecting Christmas
Reflecting Christmas by Matthew J. Elliot

Matthew looks at the different symbols related to Christmas. He sees Christ in each of them and also discusses the way some of them illustrate our relationships to God. For example:

In the evergreen Christmas tree he sees a picture of Jesus’ lordship.
The bells of Christmas signify joy, like those rung at toasts or weddings. They remind us that the holiday is a celebration.
He sees in the wreath a picture of the crown of thorns on Christ’s head.
The Poinsettia looks back to the Star of Bethlehem.
The lights of Christmas remind us that Jesus is the “Light of the World” (John 8:12). Matthew moves beyond that to remind followers of Christ that we too are called to be the “light of the world” (Matthew 5:14-16).
The colors of Christmas are primarily green and red. Green, reminds us of freshness and new life. This reminds us of the spiritually new life we have in Christ.

Although I am only discussing these symbols, obviously if you’d like to know about them in more detail, you need to purchase the book.

Matthew’s style in Reflecting Christmas

Matthew and his family

Matthew uses his own life, including such personal stories as the birth of his daughter. He speaks very personably. The book doesn’t feel like a lecture or take on a boring, academic nature, which easily could’ve been the case. Instead, it reads much more like a conversation. You pick up on Matthew’s enthusiasm, which makes the book more enjoyable. He says things such as, “My favorite…” or “I hope you will continue to read…” You feel as though Matthew is speaking to you.

Scripture is quoted throughout, which I appreciated. Matthew clearly wanted a book that connects to the Jesus of the Bible, and not one of our own imaginations. You might not be able to imagine the 2 Chronicles 7:14 or Ezekiel 11:19 relating to the snow of Christmas, but that’s what Matthew discusses in one of the middle chapters.

Since the book discusses symbolism and traditions, there’s obviously an amount of speculation. As a pastor, I appreciated the looseness Matthew used. I feel sensitive toward people being too dogmatic when the facts can’t be established absolutely. Matthew often writes, “Some say…” or “Some believe…” allowing room for the reader to recognize we can’t know for sure.

Reflecting Christmas often looks to the culture to help people better identify with the symbolism. He discusses The Lion King, The Polar Express, and The Christmas Candle,

I used to be a school teacher, and so grammar mistakes tend to jump out at me. From an academic perspective, I thought the book was well-written. After publishing my book, Marriage God’s Way, I know how difficult it is to write something free from error. I can say I didn’t see any mistakes in Matthew’s book.

My Conclusion for Reflecting Christmas

Toward the end, Matthew reminds his readers that we can get lost in all the other aspects of Christmas. I appreciate that he continually brought it back to Christ, the true “reason for the season.” After discussing how Christmas should reflect Christ, he discusses how we should reflect Christ.

He strove for accuracy. Christmas had its origins in Rome, through the festival of Saturnalia. Matthew doesn’t attempt to make Christmas – or its origins – something untrue. He’s honest enough to admit we don’t know when Jesus was born. The fact is, it’s not about when Jesus was born. It’s about why Jesus was born.

The book is a nice, short read. You can finish it in one or two sittings. If I had to give my recommendation, I would encourage parents to purchase a copy, and read it together as a family. Look at one chapter per day leading up to Christmas. I think it could make a very good Christmas devotional for families. I suspect, because of children’s love for, and familiarity with Christmas, that there will be plenty of discussion.

If you love Christmas and want to learn more about it, specifically finding the relationship to Christ, I would encourage you to read Reflecting Christmas. If, for whatever reason, you do not love Christmas, I would encourage you to read Matthew’s book. Maybe this has been the time of year you find yourself most discouraged and lonely. Allow Reflecting Christmas to bring you some joy.

The post Book Review of Reflecting Christmas by Matthew J. Elliot appeared first on Scott LaPierre.

Reformation Day and the Five Solas

Unfortunately, Halloween comes to mind when many people think of October 31st. This date actually looks back on one of the most dramatic moments in church history. On this day in 1517 Martin Luther nailed his list of grievances against the Catholic Church to the door of a chapel in Wittenberg, Germany. These Ninety-Five Theses became the catalyst for the Reformation, which produced the Five Solas.

Martin Luther spoke one of my favorite quotes when the Catholic Church threatened to excommunicate him. He said:

Unless I am convinced by Scripture and plain reason – I do not accept the authority of the Popes and councils, for they have contradicted each other – my conscience is captive to the Word of God. I cannot and I will not recant anything for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. God help me. Amen.

The Catholic Church was unable to defend their false teaching with Scripture or respond to Luther’s criticisms. On May 25, 1521 Luther was declared an outlaw and his literature was banned. The Catholic Church said, “We want him to be apprehended and punished as a notorious heretic.” It was a crime for anyone in Germany to give him food or shelter.

In Matthew 16:18 Jesus said, “I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it.” It’s hard to argue there are more significant fulfillments of this promise than the victory God produced through Martin Luther. When October 31st rolls around each year we would do well to think not of Halloween, but of the Reformation and the Five Solas.

In honor of the Reformation I want to provide a brief summary of each of the Five Solas!

1. The Five Solas: Sola Fide—“Faith Alone”

This excludes any works from being necessary for salvation. Justification – or being declared righteous by God – is received by faith only, apart from anything man can do. At the time the Catholic Church emphasized the use of indulgences (donated money) to purchase status, and even forgiveness, with God. Works, such as baptism and other sacraments, were seen as required for salvation.

Romans 4:5 To him who does not work but believes on Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is accounted for righteousness.
Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

2. The Five Solas: Sola Gratia—“Grace Alone”

This excludes the merit done by a person to achieve salvation. Salvation comes by divine grace, or unmerited favor only, not from anything a sinner could do to earn God’s favor.

Romans 3:24 Being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.
Titus 3:5 Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit.

3. The Five Solas: Sola Scriptura—“Scripture Alone”

This recognizes the Bible as the source of authority for Christians. This declaration rejected the authority of the Pope and the traditions of the Catholic Church.

2 Peter 1:20-21 Knowing this first, that no prophecy of Scripture is of any private interpretation, for prophecy never came by the will of man, but holy men of God spoke as they were moved by the Holy Spirit.
2 Timothy 3:16-17 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

4. The Five Solas: Sola Christo—“Christ Alone”

This gives Jesus credit for His sacrifice in our salvation. The Catholic Church placed Mary, saints, and church leaders in the role of intercessors between man and God. The Reformers wanted to recognize Jesus as our High Priest, and through Him only is access to God available.

1 Timothy 2:5 For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus
Hebrews 4:15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.

5. The Five Solas: Soli Deo Gloria—“To the Glory of God Alone”

This teaches that God, and not man, should receive all glory and honor. Rather than elevating Mary, the Pope, or saints, all praise and adoration should be reserved for the Lord exclusively.

1 Corinthians 10:31 Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
Colossians 3:23 And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.

The Five Solas are demonstrated throughout Scripture. My favorite example took place with the paralytic who was lowered through the roof. Luke 5: 20 says, “When [Jesus] saw their faith, He said to him, ‘Man, your sins are forgiven you.’”

We can’t do anything to obtain forgiveness. But it can be received by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone. This is why a paralyzed man, who could do nothing but put faith in Christ, received forgiveness.

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The One Thing to Avoid When Judging

In Matthew 7:1 Jesus said, “Judge not, that you be not judged.” Last post discussed what this verse is not saying: judging is wrong. So what is it saying? The primary rule for interpreting Scripture is to look at context. Let the Bible be the commentary on the Bible. Matthew 7:2 says:

For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. 

We will be judged with the same standard we use with others

If you judge someone for doing something, you better make sure you don’t do it. If you judge people for:

Lying, you better not lie
Losing their tempers, you better not lose your temper
Being late late, you better be on time
Watching or listening to things they shouldn’t, you better not watch or listen to anything compromising
Gossiping, you better not gossip
Not serving, you better be a servant

There’s nothing wrong with saying something is sin, but there is something wrong with saying something is sin while committing the same sin yourself. It’s similar to Romans 2:1:

You are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.

If we judge something to be sin in someone else’s life we’re showing we know it to be wrong, and therefore we’re without excuse if we commit that same sin. If you think something is wrong for someone else, you better think it’s wrong for you.

The issue is not judging, but hypocrisy

Matthew 7:3-5 reveals what Jesus is condemning:

Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, “Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

How can you be concerned about a speck in someone else’s life when something as bad (or worse) is in your own life? That is the height of hypocrisy. It wouldn’t be too much to say these verses are not primarily about judging. They are primarily about hypocrisy. There is nothing wrong with saying – or judging – that something is wrong. But there is something wrong with saying something is wrong while doing it yourself.

An example takes place with David before he repented of his sins of adultery and murder. Nathan the prophet shared a story with David about a rich man who stole a lamb from a poor man, then 2 Samuel 12:5-7a records:

David’s anger was greatly aroused against the man, and he said to Nathan, “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this shall surely die! And he shall restore fourfold for the lamb, because he did this thing and because he had no pity.”

Then Nathan said to David, ‘You are the man!”

Remove the speck, but be sure to remove the plank first

Jesus didn’t say not to judge, i.e. he didn’t say not to remove the speck from someone else’s eye. But He did say to make sure you have judged yourself first, i.e. removed the sin from your own life before trying to remove it from someone else’s life.

Why is this so important? When we confront others their flesh will flare up and they’ll want to find sin in our life. They’ll want to say something like, “Oh yeah, well what about you…” Jesus’ words allow us to have the credibility we need confronting someone else.

Discuss: Have there been times when you judged people and they turned the tables and pointed out something in your life? Have there been times when people judged you and that’s how you responded?

The post The One Thing to Avoid When Judging appeared first on Scott LaPierre.

3 Truths About Judging

Last post discussed what correcting people is: loving. This post will discuss what it is not. Unfortunately, if you correct some people you’ll often be criticized for judging.

In Matthew 7:1 Jesus said, “Judge not, that you be not judged.” This verse might have the distinction of being the most misunderstood and misinterpreted in all of Scripture. There are people who have never opened a Bible, but if they’re confronted they’re going to respond with some version of Jesus’ words.

When Jessica Simpson received criticism from the Christian community she said, “It didn’t really surprise me because I grew up with a lot of that backlash. That’s why I didn’t end up going into the Christian music industry. I think that if they’re really good Christians the judgment wouldn’t be there.” That pretty much sums up the attitude of many people. This is the mentality in the world, and unfortunately it can even be a mentality that creeps into the church.

1. Judging is something everyone does

Some people love to throw out Matthew 7:1 as though you can never say anything is wrong. But there is a real inconsistency – and even hypocrisy – with these people. Those who condemn others for judging do plenty of judging themselves. If you asked some of these people, “Is it wrong to murder, abuse children, or steal from others?” unless there is something wrong with them, they’re going to say, “Yes.” In answering in the affirmative they are judging.

You might be quick to say, “They’re only judging the action, not the person and that’s different!” Then imagine asking, “What do you think of Hitler, Stalin, Jeffrey Dahmer, or Charles Manson?” Are they going to say, “Who am I to judge? They were just following their hearts. I can’t say what they did was wrong. They were simply doing what they thought was right!” Again, they’re going to judge by recognizing the wicked actions of these people. The real irony is people who claim we shouldn’t judge get upset when others judge. They are judging people for judging.

Even people who criticize others for judging do plenty of judging themselves.

2. Scripture commands judging

In Matthew 7:15-20 Jesus discusses good and bad trees that represent people. Twice He says “you will know them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:16, 20). The fruit represents the “produce” from a person’s life. The process of looking at fruit to determine whether it is good or bad is judging.

Eight times in Matthew 23:13-29 Jesus said, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees.” Each time this was followed by a condemnation – or judgment – of their actions.

Consider these verses:

In John 7:24 Jesus said, “Judge with righteous judgment.”
Philippians 3:2 says, “Beware of dogs [and] evil workers!” We can only obey this verse if we have judged some people to be dogs and evil workers.
Titus 3:10 says, “Reject a divisive man after the first and second admonition.” The only way a divisive man can be rejected is if his actions have been judged as divisive.
1 Corinthians 5 discusses a man who was in gross sexual immorality. In verse 3 Paul said, “[I] have already judged [the one] who has done this deed.” Paul had no problem telling the entire church he judged the man’s actions.

3. Judging is a sign of maturity

Mature believers have the discernment to distinguish – or judge – between good and evil. Immature believers or unbelievers do not have the maturity to discern – or judge – between good and evil. Hebrews 5:14 says:

The mature…have their senses trained to discern good and evil.

Mature Christians can discern – or judge – between good and evil.

Similarly, 1 Corinthians 2:15 says:

Those who are spiritual judge all things.

The word “spiritual” is synonymous with “mature.” These people evaluate everything around them:

How many fathers wouldn’t judge a young man interested in their daughter?
What parents don’t judge the actions of their children’s friends to determine if they should let their children play with them?
Who doesn’t judge the behavior of people around them to determine whether they’re trustworthy?

So if Matthew 7:1 is not saying not to judge, what is it saying? That is the topic of the next post!

Discuss: Can you share about a time you were judged? How did you respond? Can you think of examples of judging harshly or incorrectly?

The post 3 Truths About Judging appeared first on Scott LaPierre.

3 Ways to Cultivate Friendship in Marriage

Relationships that continue to find ways to cultivate friendship in marriage are stronger than those that do not. Working to be best friends with your spouse is so important for satisfaction in the relationship. Doing life with someone you like spending time with is like a balm to your soul.

Another thing to think about here is the point the Scott makes in his book, Marriage God’s Way. He says:

Front cover of Marriage God’s Way by Scott LaPierre

It is natural to focus on the romance- eros (physical attraction or romantic love) of a marriage. But in doing so, we forget that marriage should actually be the union of two best friends. In many ways, phileo (a strong affection towards a friend) is a great description of what marriage should be: a deep and close friendship….

Of greater relevance to marriage is the fact that phileo is the love wives are instructed to have for their husbands. When Titus 2:3-4 commands older women to admonish younger women to love their husbands, the Greek word used is philandros- a combination of the words phileo and aner (Greek word for husband).

Friendship is certainly a need for your marriage. So how do you cultivate that in your relationship? Here are some ways you can do that.

1. Cultivate Friendship in Marriage Through Shared Experiences

Simply living in the same house doesn’t necessarily equal shared experiences. Some things will happen naturally, but to cultivate a deeper relationship, you have to become more intentional.

Set aside specific time to do things together. If you and your spouse do not have the same idea of fun, then plan to take turns doing the activity the other one likes.

Striking a balance with your shared experiences is important. Both of you need the freedom to suggest things you like doing and have the other go along with it. Best friends are just happy to be spending time together, whether the activity is their favorite or not.

These experiences should range from family outings, to volunteer opportunities, to participating in activities and hobbies together.

2. Cultivate Friendship in Marriage Through Meaningful Conversations

Maybe you and your spouse talk often, but are the conversations deep or meaningful? I find that a lot of couples spend a lot of time talking about their job, kids, and other responsibilities.

Make a concerted effort to have conversations that are not centered the home, work, or to-do lists. Rather, ask intentional questions that will get the other person thinking and sharing. When you ask the right things, it will turn into meaningful discussions where you can learn more about your spouse.

At a loss for what to talk about? I’m a huge advocate of conversation starters. Just read the question and both of you take turns answering it. I find that a lot of great discussion happens as a result of these types of questions.

3. Cultivate Friendship in Marriage by Laughing Together

Laughing together is invaluable for cultivating a deeper friendship. Find things that you can both laugh about. If you see a meme that you find funny, share it with them. If you hear a joke that you think they may like, tell them. Flirt with each other and smile a lot.

These are just a few ways that you can develop a deeper friendship with your spouse.

Share in the comments section: What would you add to the list? What have you found works in your relationship with your spouse?

Keelie is married to her high school sweetheart and is the mom of three awesome boys. She is a creator and loves sharing with the world around her. One of her biggest passions is to help married couples fall deeper in love with one another. She offers free printables to help the marriage relationship. You can read her marriage tips at Love Hope Adventure .

The post 3 Ways to Cultivate Friendship in Marriage appeared first on Scott LaPierre.

Correcting People Is Loving

Last post discussed the importance of correcting people, something largely ignored by the world. Our culture often says “love” means letting people do whatever they want whether it is detrimental to them or anyone else. Disagreeing with someone’s choices or lifestyle makes you at best unloving, and at worst hateful. This logic demands sitting back silently while people make decisions that are detrimental to them or others.

The Bible, on the other hand, points out the logical reality that love demands correcting people:

Proverbs 9:8 Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you;

rebuke a wise man, and he will love you.

He will love you, because he has the wisdom to recognize you have done him a favor.

Correcting People: The Behavior of Friends Versus Enemies

David saw it as an act of love to be rebuked by someone:

Psalm 141:5 Let the righteous strike me;

It shall be a kindness.

And let him rebuke me;

It shall be as excellent oil;

Let my head not refuse it.

David invited correction, because he knew how important it was if he was going to live a life fully committed to the Lord.

When someone is sinning, correcting is what a friend does. Silence – or worse encouragement – is what an enemy does:

Proverbs 27:5 Open rebuke is better

Than love carefully concealed.

6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend,

But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

Rebuking is better or more loving than “love” that remains silent when it should speak up. A true friend will hurt you at times. Someone who praises or compliments when a rebuke should take place is not just unloving, but is an enemy because of the selfishness of supporting or encouraging a destructive behavior.

Ecclesiastes 7:5 communicates the same truth:

It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise

Than for a man to hear the song of fools.

Comparing Ecclesiastes 7:5 with Proverbs 27:6 it is better to be wounded/rebuked by someone wise than kissed/sung to (or praised) by a fool/enemy.

A Wonderful Example

Nathan the prophet was a faithful friend to David. When David’s son Adonijah rebelled against him, two of David’s closest friends – Joab and Abiathar – tragically joined him (1 Kings 1:7). Nathan stayed faithful to David though. He warned David about the betrayal through David’s wife Bathsheba (1 Kings 1:11-24).

Was this the greatest example of Nathan’s friendship? I don’t think so. I think the greatest example took place years earlier when Nathan confronted David about his sins of adultery and murder. David refused to repent. He tried to hide his sin, and for almost a year he had been able to do so. But then Nathan visited David and told him a story about a man who acted very wickedly. David didn’t know the story was about him. In 2 Samuel 12:5-7 Nathan revealed the truth:

So David’s anger was greatly aroused against the man, and he said to Nathan, “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this shall surely die! And he shall restore fourfold for the lamb, because he did this thing and because he had no pity.”

Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man!

When was Nathan a better friend to David? When he stood by David or when he confronted him about his sin? I would say when he confronted him, because that’s when Nathan risked the most, even his own life.

If you want to know who your real friends are, think of the people who have been honest with you even when they knew it would hurt. If you want to know the people who really love you, think of the people who corrected you even when they knew it might damage the relationship. Of the friends we have, these are the ones who love us enough to put our best interests ahead of even the friendship itself.

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