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The 3 reasons I wrote Marriage God’s Way

There are thousands of marriage books, so why another one? Here are the three reasons I wrote Marriage God’s Way!

Marriage God’s Way isn’t about people trusting me

I recognize this isn’t a “reason” I wrote Marriage God’s Way, but it does answer an important question—why should you trust me to write a marriage book? I would never encourage people to trust what I have to say about marriage. Marriage God’s Way isn’t a collection of my thoughts about God’s first institution. Rather, I’m trying to get readers to trust what God says about marriage. He’s the author of it. He designed the roles and responsibilities for husbands and wives. He knows what a couple needs to have “a healthy, joyful, Christ-centered relationship.” And He provided a recipe for that in His Word. My desire was to present that recipe clearly and biblically.

First, I wrote Marriage God’s Way, because I’m passionate about marriage

I’m passionate about this area of Scripture and life. God designed the family as the primary unit for every other segment in society, including the church. And marriage is the heart of the family. As marriages disintegrate, families disintegrates. When families disintegrate, churches disintegrate. As churches disintegrate, society disintegrates.

When marriages are strong, however, families are strong. When families are strong, churches can be strong because strong churches are made up of strong families. As a pastor, I have seen many struggling marriages, but I have also seen couples find the solutions to their problems in Scripture. The truth of God’s Word has the power to heal and strengthen any marriage.

Second, I wrote Marriage God’s Way, because of the evangelistic potential

Although Marriage God’s Way contains the Gospel and I do hope some come to salvation through reading it, that’s not what I mean. The marriage relationship is a picture of Christ and His relationship to the church, it is one of the greatest evangelistic tools we have for sharing the Gospel. Godly marriages have the potential to reveal Christ to an unbelieving world. When people see a husband and wife obeying the commands in Scripture they’re seeing something that looks different than the surrounding world. This has great potential to draw people to the Lord.

Third, I wrote Marriage God’s Way, because of my experiences as a husband

I have experienced firsthand the blessings that come from obeying God’s Word and the negative consequences that come with disobedience. My wife, Katie, and I grew up in the same small town (McArthur, California) and went to school together. We both became Christians in our twenties, and soon after were married.

At times the stresses of being a husband, a father of six, and a senior pastor (a role that alone could keep me busy from the moment I get up to the moment I go to bed) have put a huge amount of pressure on our marriage. In Marriage God’s Way, I share some of our personal struggles. When I ask readers to trust that God’s Word provides a recipe for healthy, joyful marriages, I do so because I have experienced this truth in my own marriage.

 

[image error]NOTE: Most of this post is taken from the Introduction in Marriage God’s Way. The book is currently 20% off, the workbook is 25% off, and you can receive FREE shipping on orders over $20!

The post The 3 reasons I wrote Marriage God’s Way appeared first on Marriage God's Way by Scott LaPierre.

The 3 Reasons I Wrote Marriage God’s Way

There are thousands of marriage books, so why another one? Here are the three reasons I wrote Marriage God’s Way!

Marriage God’s Way isn’t about people trusting me

I recognize this isn’t a “reason” I wrote Marriage God’s Way, but it does answer an important question—why should you trust me to write a marriage book? I would never encourage people to trust what I have to say about marriage. Marriage God’s Way isn’t a collection of my thoughts about God’s first institution. Rather, I’m trying to get readers to trust what God says about marriage. He’s the author of it. He designed the roles and responsibilities for husbands and wives. He knows what a couple needs to have “a healthy, joyful, Christ-centered relationship.” And He provided a recipe for that in His Word. My desire was to present that recipe clearly and biblically.

First, I wrote Marriage God’s Way, because I’m passionate about marriage

I’m passionate about this area of Scripture and life. God designed the family as the primary unit for every other segment in society, including the church. And marriage is the heart of the family. As marriages disintegrate, families disintegrates. As families disintegrate, churches disintegrate. As churches disintegrate, society disintegrates.

When marriages are strong, however, families are strong. When families are strong, churches can be strong because strong churches are made up of strong families. As a pastor, I have seen many struggling marriages, but I have also seen couples find the solutions to their problems in Scripture. The truth of God’s Word has the power to heal and strengthen any marriage.

Second, I wrote Marriage God’s Way, because of the evangelistic potential

Although Marriage God’s Way contains the Gospel and I do hope some come to salvation through reading it, that’s not what I mean. The marriage relationship is a picture of Christ and His relationship to the church, it is one of the greatest evangelistic tools we have for sharing the Gospel. Godly marriages have the potential to reveal Christ to an unbelieving world. When people see a husband and wife obeying the commands in Scripture they’re seeing something that looks different than the surrounding world. This has great potential to draw people to the Lord.

Third, I wrote Marriage God’s Way, because of my experiences as a husband

I have experienced firsthand the blessings that come from obeying God’s Word and the negative consequences that come with disobedience. My wife, Katie, and I grew up in the same small town (McArthur, California) and went to school together. We both became Christians in our twenties, and soon after were married.

At times the stresses of being a husband, a father of six, and a senior pastor (a role that alone could keep me busy from the moment I get up to the moment I go to bed) have put a huge amount of pressure on our marriage. In Marriage God’s Way, I share some of our personal struggles. When I ask readers to trust that God’s Word provides a recipe for healthy, joyful marriages, I do so because I have experienced this truth in my own marriage.

 

[image error]NOTE: Most of this post is taken from the Introduction in Marriage God’s Way. The book is currently 20% off, the workbook is 25% off, and you can receive FREE shipping on orders over $20!

The post The 3 Reasons I Wrote Marriage God’s Way appeared first on Marriage God's Way by Scott LaPierre.

3 Common Ways Husbands Mistreat Their Wives

A common way husbands mistreat their wives is by responding insensitively when they’re hurting. Elkanah’s response to Hannah in 1 Samuel 1 is a good example showing three common mistakes husbands make.

Watch the short video of Katie and I discussing this or read the transcript below…

Elkanah had two wives—Hannah and Peninnah. This was part of the problem! Polygamy in the Old Testament is descriptive, not prescriptive, portraying the reality of the era but it’s not allowed for Christians today. This is why God never condoned polygamy, and whenever it took place in the Old Testament, it always caused problems. No biblical examples of polygamy are characterized by peace and harmony. Instead polygamy is always filled with turmoil and strife. Peninnah and Hannah’s marriage is a perfect example.

Peninnah could have children, but Hannah could not. Making Hannah’s situation even worse was Peninnah’s cruelty toward her. First Samuel 1:6–7 records:

[Hannah’s] rival (Peninnah) provoked her severely, to make her miserable, because the Lord had closed her womb. So it was, year by year, when she went up to the house of the Lord, that [Peninnah] provoked her; therefore [Hannah] wept and did not eat.

Consider Elkanah’s response in 1 Samuel 1:8:

Then Elkanah her husband said to her, ‘Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? And why is your heart grieved? Am I not better to you than ten sons?’” 

Elkanah’s response is terrible, revealing three common mistakes husbands make…

1. Husbands mistreat their wives when they ask insensitive questions

Elkanah gave the impression that his wife’s hurt was not legitimate. He knew good and well why Hannah felt this way—because she was unable to have children.

2. Husbands mistreat their wives when they try to cheer them up

He tried to cheer Hannah up. Proverbs 25:20 says:

Like one who takes away a garment in cold weather, and like vinegar on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.

Husbands should respond sympathetically by listening well and then saying, “I am so sorry. What can I do for you? Would you like me to pray for you, or read the Word with you?”

3. Husbands mistreat their wives when they make prideful statements

Elkanah asked his wife: “Is not being married to me better than all the children you could have?” What does it look like today for husbands to be like this? “You are one lucky lady. Think of all I do for you! Aren’t you glad you get to be married to me?”

As husbands, when our wives are upset, they want us to respond sensitively. 1 Peter 3:7 commands husbands to live with our wives in an understanding way. This means responding to them gently and demonstrating compassion toward them when they’re upset.

Discussion questions and activities for husbands and wives:

Answer separately and then discuss together:

Husband: List three times you responded to your wife in pride, and explain how you should have responded.
Wife: List three times you feel your husband responded to you in pride, and explain how you wish he would have responded.
Husband: Are you more tempted to respond to your wife in pride or anger? What triggers your response of either anger or pride?
Wife:

Do you feel your husband is more tempted to respond to you in pride or anger? Why?
What can you do to help your husband avoid responding in pride or anger?

[image error]NOTE: Most of this post is from Marriage God’s Way and the Marriage God’s Way Workbook. Use coupon code mgw5 in your Cart to get 5% off your purchase of the book and workbook, or save 0 and purchase the bundle—one book and two workbooks.

The post 3 Common Ways Husbands Mistreat Their Wives appeared first on Marriage God's Way by Scott LaPierre.

Husbands get the wives they prepare for themselves

Husbands get the wives they prepare for themselves based on Ephesians 5:26–27:

That [Christ] might sanctify and cleanse [the church] with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

This is discussing what Christ does with His, Bride, the Church. Since the context is marriage, it’s also explaining what husbands should do with their wives. Christ “sanctifies and cleanses” His bride, so husbands should sanctify and cleanse their brides. This makes a husband at least partially responsible for his wife’s sanctification.

Just as Christ gets the church He prepares for Himself, so husbands get the wives they prepare for themselves

There is a tremendous truth contained in these words. Christ does what He does in verse 26—sanctifying and cleansing the church—so that He can obtain for Himself the glorious church, or bride, described in verse 27 that “has no spot or wrinkle but is holy and without blemish.” The simplest way to say it is: Christ gets the church He prepares for Himself.

Since this is a picture for husbands and wives, what else is the apostle Paul implying by this truth? Husbands get the wives they prepare for themselves. Wives respond well to love, holiness, and obedience to God’s Word. When husbands treat their wives:

Forgivingly, lovingly, and tenderly, they will generally receive more forgiving, loving, and tender wives
Unforgivingly, unlovingly, and harshly, they generally find themselves with wives who are less forgiving, loving, and tender

If a husband:

Takes his wife to church
Reads the Word with her
Prays with her
Helps her grow spiritually

He will receive a more spiritually mature wife. What kind of qualities will be produced as a result? Galatians 5:22–23 record: “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.”

Conversely, if a husband does not lead his wife spiritually he will receive a wife who is less spiritual. What is the opposite of spiritual? Fleshly. Galatians 5:19–22 list the “works of the flesh” and here are just a few: hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, envy, even adultery.

How many husbands see these works in their wives because they are poor spiritual leaders? How many wives might be more spiritually mature if their husbands were better spiritual leaders? Tragically, I have listened to some husbands talk terribly about their wives when in fact they have simply received the wives they prepared for themselves.

Husbands reap what they sow in marriage

Galatians 6:7 says: “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” The context of this verse is giving to the church, but the principle also applies to a husband’s relationship with his wife. Husbands generally reap what they sow in marriage. If husbands will invest in their wives by sowing seeds of love and interest, if they will plant spiritual seeds of sanctification, they will reap what they have sown. Let’s summarize by keeping two truths in mind:

There are two great reasons husbands should be strong spiritual leaders:

First and foremost because this is what God commands and we will be held accountable for doing so.
Second, so husbands might have loving, spiritual wives.

The good news is that God’s commands to husbands benefits them as much as it benefits their wives. A husband who loves his wife as God commands will bring great blessing to himself. This is why in the very next verse, Paul says:

“He who loves his wife loves himself.”

Discuss: 

Wife: What are some ways you want your husband to sanctify and cleanse you?
Husband: What are some ways you sanctify and cleanse your wife?

A few other things:

Here’s all the info you need for the upcoming Christian Heritage Marriage Retreat
Be sure to check out this other video: “Can a wife love her husband without respecting him?”
Much of this post is from my book,  Marriage God’s Way . Let me know if you’d like a signed copy!
Here’s the Facebook Live video with all the comments and discussion…

The post Husbands get the wives they prepare for themselves appeared first on Scott LaPierre.

Generational curses: are children punished for their parents’ sins?

If you’ve been in the church for any length of time, you’ve probably heard generational curses discussed. There are two conflicting opinions:

God punishes children for the sins of their parents.
God doesn’t punish children for the sins of their parents.

Why the confusion?

Verses seem to support and argue against generational curses…

Exodus 20:5, 34:7, Numbers 14:18, and Deuteronomy 5:9 indicate God punishes children for the sins of their parents:

You shall not bow down to [idols] nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me.

Other such as Deuteronomy 24:16 and Ezekiel 18:2-4, 20 indicate God doesn’t punish children for the sins of their parents:

Ezekiel 18:2-4, 20 The LORD says, “What do you mean by this proverb, ‘The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children’s teeth are set on edge’? This proverb shall no more be used. Behold, the soul who sins shall die…The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father…the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself.

The people said they were punished (their teeth were bad: “set on edge”), because of their parents’ sins (the “sour grapes” they ate). God said, “Don’t say this anymore. You’ll be punished for your own sins!”

So which is it?

Generational curses: the  solution…

God doesn’t punish children for the sins of their parents, but often the sins of parents are passed down to children. When children commit those sins they are punished. So the following is true:

Children are punished “for the sins of their parents”
Children are punished for their own sins

The second half of Exodus 20:5 says, “…visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me.” By engaging in idolatry these children are showing they “hate” God.

Idolatry is often passed down from parents to children. Children practice the idolatry they learned from their parents and are punished for it. But it’s not as though the children are punished without sinning.

Generational curses: an example with King David

Frederick Meyer said, “A man never sees the worst of himself until it reappears in his child.”

One of the painful realities for David is that his children embraced his sins. David saw a beautiful woman, took her, and slept with her (2 Samuel 11:1-5). To prevent the discovery of his sin, David got Uriah drunk, then had his servant (Joab ) murder him (2 Samuel 11:6-17). David said, “I don’t care if the woman is married, if I want her, I’ll take her.” Consider:

David’s son Amnon saw a beautiful woman (Tamar), took her, and slept with her (2 Samuel 13:1-14). Amnon said, “I don’t care if the woman is my half-sister, if I want her, I’ll take her.”
David’s son Absalom became angry with Amnon, so he got him drunk and had his servants murder him (2 Samuel 13:23-33).

David looked very cunning when he plotted sexual sins and murder. Amnon and Absalom looked equally cunning when they plotted sexual sins and murder.

The lesson for parents

I’ve seen two situations with parents:

Great parents whose children rebel. The children rebelled despite the way the parents raised them.
Parents whose children rebel and they feel at fault. They saw their sins in their child.

The strongest reason we should live holy, godly lives is we love God and want to serve Him. Another reason is so we don’t see our sins passed along to our children.

Discuss:

What are your thoughts on generational curses?
Do you think Scripture supports them, argues against them…or both?

Final notes:

There are still spots available for the Christian Heritage Marriage Retreat in Leavenworth, WA on February 16th and 17th.
See Katie and I discussing “The Art of Apologizing Well.”
The Marriage God’s Way Workbook should be sent to the publisher as early as tomorrow. This could make it available before the end of February!
Here’s the video on Facebook if you’d like to see the original comments and discussion…

 

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Why are wives commanded to submit to their husbands?

Wives are commanded to submit because it’s necessary

We see the clear need for submission in all other areas of life. No organization can be successful without authority or headship:

Businesses have CEOs.
Sports teams have coaches.
Governments have presidents or prime ministers.

Just as we recognize the need for a leader, or a head, we also recognize that there cannot be two heads. We don’t see two head coaches, two presidents, two head pilots, or two head surgeons. Imagine how uncomfortable you would feel:

Flying on a plane with two head pilots arguing over the flight plan
Being operated on by two head surgeons quarreling over the proper procedure

Instead we always see a:

Head coach and an assistant coach
President and a vice-president
Pilot and a co-pilot
Principal and an assistant principal

The second-in-command submits to the authority of the leader. Since we recognize this need in all other areas of life, we should recognize this need in marriage too.

Wives are commanded to submit because of disagreements

One of the most common arguments I have heard from wives who do not want to submit to their husbands is: “I would submit to my husband if I agreed with him.” Can we see the problem with this logic? If a wife agreed with her husband, she would not have to submit. Submission is in place entirely for when husbands and wives do not agree.

Perhaps a husband and wife have discussed a decision together, presented their ideas, shared their thoughts, and tried to come to an agreement. But they cannot. At this point, what do they do? How do they decide? Do they resort to arguing? Do they flip a coin or play “Rock-Paper-Scissors”? Just as in all the authority structures we have discussed, there is a clear answer here, and it is an answer God has decreed, not man. For the marriage to be able to move forward, the husband has been designated to make the final decision.

Discuss: Do you see the same need for submission in marriage as in all other areas of life? How do you handle disagreements in your marriage?

Here is the Facebook Live video with all comments and discussion:

 

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Can a wife love her husband without respecting him?

Can a wife love her husband without respecting him? Not only would I say it’s possible, I would say it’s common! Most women will say they love their husbands, and I believe they do. But many of these same wives might not respect their husbands. I’ve met men who have told me they feel loved by their wives but not respected.

In marriage counseling, when I hear wives expressing their frustrations about their husbands, it typically sounds like this: “I don’t feel that my husband loves me. I wish my husband loved me more. He never tells me he loves me.” But when husbands express frustration, it more often sounds like this: “I wish my wife respected me more. I wish my wife followed my lead. I wish my wife supported my decisions.”

In truth, it is much easier for a wife to say she loves her husband than to show it through respect. But it is through respect that a wife expresses her love for her husband. If a wife does not show respect, her husband will not feel loved. A good perspective for couples to keep in mind is that feeling unloved is as painful to a wife as feeling disrespected is to a husband.

An example from scripture of a wife loving her husband without respecting him

In answer to the question, Scripture gives us a perfect example of a wife who loved her husband without respecting him. There’s actually only one woman in all of Scripture SAID to love her husband:

1 Samuel 18:20 Michal, Saul’s daughter, loved David.

This is not to say other women in Scripture did not love their husbands. I am sure many of them did—but it is not emphasized. Why is that?

I admit I am being a little speculative here. Perhaps it is because—as we have already discussed—the priority is for women to respect their husbands rather than to love them. As a result, Scripture emphasizes a wife’s respect more than her love.

When David brought the ark into Jerusalem, he danced and twirled as he led the procession. Michal thought David’s behavior was terribly unbecoming. Her father, Saul, was all about appearances, and he would never act this way. Perhaps this had rubbed off on Michal, so she found David’s behavior far below the dignity of a king:

2 Samuel 6:20 Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, “How glorious was the king of Israel today, uncovering himself today in the eyes of the maids of his servants, as one of the base fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!”

You can hear the ridicule in her voice. No matter how much she loved David, we can be sure he didn’t feel respected at this moment. So to answer the question, yes, a wife can definitely love her husband without respecting him!

Discuss: Do you think a wife can love her husband without respecting him? Can you think of any other examples fro Scripture that apply to the question?

A few other things:

Here’s all the info you need for the upcoming Christian Heritage Marriage Retreat
Be sure to check out this other video: “How should I respond when my husband mocks my Christian beliefs?”
Here’s the Facebook Live video with all the comments and discussion…

The post Can a wife love her husband without respecting him? appeared first on Scott LaPierre.

Do you know why you believe what you believe?

Instead of, “Know what you believe,” a more appropriate statement might be, “Know why you believe.” 1 Peter 3:15b says, “Always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.”

We’re supposed to be ready to explain why we believe what we believe. The words “make a defense” are one word in the Greek: apologia. It means, “verbal defense; a reasoned statement or argument.” Apologetics is the branch of theology concerned with defending Christianity, and we get this English word from apologia.

Not just knowing why you believe, but defending those beliefs humbly

People loosely quote 1 Peter 3:15 saying something like, “As a Christian you’ve got to ‘be able to give a defense of your faith.’” But they often leave off the last few words: “with gentleness and respect.” Peter first commands us to be ready to explain our beliefs, but he also tells us how we should do that—with gentleness and respect.

These words are important, because they prevent Christians from looking arrogant, condescending, or hostile. When that happens, even though Christians are trying to defend their faith they actually make Christ look bad.

The way to avoid this is found at the end of the previous verse: “Have no fear of them, nor be troubled” (1 Peter 3:14b). We don’t need to fear those we’re speaking to, but we do need to fear God. This fear motivates us to be humble when defending the faith. We’re “afraid” of making God look bad, so we deal with people gently and lovingly. The same truth is committed elsewhere in the new Testament:

2 Timothy 2:25—Correct opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth.
Colossians 4:6—Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

Both verses highlight the need to use “gentleness” and “grace.”

If you don’t know why you believe what you believe, don’t be dogmatic

Here are two things that make us look foolish:

Thinking we’re right and others are wrong, but not knowing why
Having strong convictions, but not being able to defend those convictions

We’ve probably all had discussions (or arguments) with people who were opinionated, passionate, and possibly angry, but when pressed they didn’t know why they were so convinced they were absolutely, beyond-the-shadow-of-a-doubt correct and anyone who disagreed with them was wrong. And we have also probably been this person! If they (or we!) are honest they (or we) would have to say:

“This is what my parents told me.”
“I want to believe this.”
“This is what I’ve always heard.”

All these statements are code for: “This is what I think without investing time determining if it’s true.”

If we don’t know why we believe what we believe, we shouldn’t argue for it. If we were being honest we’d have to say, “I’m right and you’re wrong, but I don’t know why!”

Learn why you believe what you believe…because it might cause you to change your mind

If we want to know why we believe what we believe we should:

Study God’s Word
Pray for wisdom and spiritual illumination
Seek counsel from godly individuals the Lord has placed in our lives
Have an honest desire to learn the truth

One of the benefits of doing this is one of two things will happen:

We’ll become more convinced that what we believe is true
We’ll learn that what we believe isn not true

Both outcomes are good! And both have occurred in my life:

The first has taken place and given me greater confidence in essentials, such as the Gospel.
The second has also occurred enough times that I’m less inclined to be completely rigid in some other areas.

Discuss: 

Have you been guilty of holding beliefs that you couldn’t defend?
Have you held some beliefs, but changed them after studying them more closely?

The post Do you know why you believe what you believe? appeared first on Scott LaPierre.

The Art of Apologizing Well

Katie asked me six questions about apologizing. Here’s the outline for the video:

0–4:17—Have you always been good at apologizing?
4:17–6:54—What are wrong ways to apologize?
6:54–13:00—What are right ways to apologize?
13:00–19:35—What is your favorite story about apologizing?
19:35–24:04—Should we apologize to our kids?
24:04–27:39—How can apologizing or lack of apologizing affect marriages?

1. Have you always been good at apologizing? Elaborate on your “history” with apologizing and how you grew in it.

When I saw this question, my first thought was, “If I’ve learned too apologize well, it’s from making so many mistakes.”

As a pastor you’re going to learn to become comfortable apologizing, because it’s a necessity to have a healthy church body. I’d go so far as saying don’t become a pastor if you’re not comfortable apologizing. You’re going to have to apologize for your own actions and the actions of others. Nothing looks worse than shifting blame, even if the blame belongs elsewhere.

As far as when I learned to apologize, I’d have to give credit to LTC Richard Brewer, my commander in Army ROTC. He didn’t teach me to apologize. He forced me to apologize. I couldn’t make excuses or shift blame.

2. What are wrong ways to apologize?

When we should apologize our sinful nature wants to flare up, get angry, make excuses or blame others. Some people – whether intentionally or unintentionally – act like they’re apologizing, but their “apologies” are simply excuses disguised as apologies.

Two words destroy apologies:

The most obvious is “but”:

I’m sorry, BUT if they hadn’t done that…
I am sorry, BUT this happened…
Oh, I’m sorry, BUT I never would’ve done this if not for…


Less obvious is the word “you”:

I’m sorry YOU did this…
Well, I’m sorry YOU are mad…
I’m sorry YOU are offended…

The word “you” allows people to subtly shift the blame to the other person. It’s a manipulative way to make the other person feel bad about being hurt or upset.

3. What are right ways to apologize?

We don’t want to let sin and pride have victories in our relationships. We need to humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness. There are primarily two steps:

Begin by saying, “I’m sorry I…” or “I’m sorry for…” followed by the offense.
Then you have to say, “Will you please forgive me?”

The second step does two things:

Shows you recognize you’ve done something that requires forgiveness. Demonstrates you’re not minimizing your actions.
Engages the other person; requires a response.

As a note, if you say, “Yes, I forgive you” you’re obligated to do that! You have to do your best to forget about the offense, not hold it against the person, refuse to bring it up, etc.

4. What is your favorite story about apologizing?

Please watch the video itself for the two stories I shared:

13:00–16:15—A man spent lots of tax payers’ money building sidewalks that didn’t the traffic situation. He would’ve been destroyed by reporters in a press conference, but he humbly acknowledged his fault and asked for forgiveness.
16:15–19:35—When I taught elementary school my students lost lots of books. The librarian was (understandably) upset with me. I apologized and asked for her forgiveness and our relationship was restored.

5. Should we apologize to our kids?

A good rule for parenting is we should do whatever we want our kids to do. There are exceptions. For example our kids were in bed when we filmed the video, but we don’t have to go to bed at 8PM. For the most part though, we need to model what we want to see from our children. If we want our children to apologize and ask for forgiveness, we need to apologize and ask for forgiveness.

Generally children who accept responsibility for their actions have parents who accept responsibility for their actions. Children who make excuses often have parents who make excuses.

6. How can apologizing or lack of apologizing affect marriages?

Apologizing well can diffuse aggression. An insincere apology that shifts blame or makes excuses increases frustration and hurt.

Hebrews 12:14-15 Pursue peace with all people…looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.

Some couples who have been married for a long time have become more like roommates than people in love. Often this is because they have built up years of bitterness between each other. They have hurts toward each other piled on top of other hurts. Often this is because they let pride and stubbornness prevent them from taking responsibility for their actions. Their marriages have suffered terribly as a result.

A few other things:

Here’s all the info you need for the upcoming Christian Heritage Marriage Retreat
Be sure to check out this other video: “How should I respond when my husband mocks my Christian beliefs?”
Here’s the Facebook Live video with all the comments and discussion…

The post The Art of Apologizing Well appeared first on Scott LaPierre.

Don’t be discouraged when confused by Scripture!

Every Christian has been confused by Scripture at times. Here’s part of a message I received from someone after a study I taught:

Last week, I took the entire chapter [from the study], copied it to Word, and then made spaces for notes. I thought I was prepared. But I wasn’t as prepared as I was hoping. I will just keep working on it.

I can tell the person was discouraged, and this is something I’ve encountered regularly. Here are two passages that should discourage us from being discouraged:

“Our beloved brother Paul, according to the wisdom given to him, has written to you, as also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things, in which are some things hard to understand“(2 Peter 3:15-16). The Apostle Peter himself read Paul’s letters and found them difficult to understand at times.
“Of this salvation the prophets have inquired and searched carefully, who prophesied of the grace that would come to you, searching what, or what manner of time, the Spirit of Christ who was in them was indicating” (1 Peter 1:10-11). The prophets were given the very words of God. Even they had to “inquire” and “search carefully” to understand the revelation in each other’s writings.

Why does God allow certain parts of Scripture to be confusing?

God’s Word offers wisdom that can’t be found anywhere else. This makes it unbelievably valuable and reveals why it is is compared with precious jewels:

[Wisdom’s] proceeds are far better than the profits of silver, and her gain than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies (Proverbs 3:14-15).
How much better to get wisdom than gold (Proverbs 16:16a).
Wisdom is better than rubies, [its] fruit is better than gold, yes, than fine gold (Proverbs 8:11a, 19a).

You have to diligently search for precious jewels. Since wisdom is more valuable than them, how much more diligently should we study the truths in Scripture?

Proverbs 2:4 Seek [wisdom] as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures.

There has to be an investment made in obtaining wisdom. This is why we should experience joy after obtaining it:

Proverbs 3:13a Happy is the man who finds wisdom.

A helpful illustration when confused by Scripture

Someone shared this with me some years back:

The Bible is like the ocean, offering a number of ways for us to interact with it. We can:

Look at it and admire it from a distance
Get close to it, even walking out and getting our toes wet
Dive in and swim with the waves
Swim down and look at all the beauty that’s below the surface

But the greatest blessing is for people who dive to the bottom. They look at all that’s offered and take some of the treasure with them.

This illustration:

Impacted the way I read God’s Word. I always look to take some treasures with me.
Influenced the way I preach. I hope to give others treasures to take with them.

I am constantly amazed by the truth and application that can be mined from God’s Word. Many weeks in my sermon preparation I approach passages that I’m familiar with. I wonder what I’m going to share with people that they haven’t already heard. As I study, I find treasures I’ve never seen before.

An encouraging example when confused by Scripture

Daniel the prophet was a student of God’s Word:

Daniel 9:2 I, Daniel, understood from the Scriptures, according to the word of the LORD given to Jeremiah the prophet, that the desolation of Jerusalem would last seventy years (Daniel 9:2).

Nebuchadnezzar asked Daniel to interpret his dream. Daniel said:

“God gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding. He reveals deep and secret things” (Daniel 2:21-22).

This was true in Daniel’s day, and it’s still true today. As a result, if we’ll faithfully spend time in God’s Word, and diligently look for the treasures it contains, God will give us wisdom and knowledge. He will reveal “deep and secret things.”

While it can be discouraging at times when we’re confused by Scripture, God wants us to be diligent in learning His Word. Rather than give up, He wants us to seek, search, and dig into the Scriptures. When we find some of the precious treasures God has for us we can rejoice, because we’ve found something more precious than gold.

Discuss in comments section:

I was recently asked to share my best tips for studying God’s Word. Do you have any tips you’d like to share?
When you’re confused by Scripture, how do you avoid being discouraged?

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