Garrett Cook's Blog
February 4, 2013
Learn the Deadly Art of Bizarro!
Are you interested in learning how to think in a Bizarro mindset? Are you interested in learning how to avoid genre cliches? Do you want to shock your friends, repulse your mother and repulse tattooed and kinky members of the opposite sex with your throbbing imagination? Well, you can. Me and Wonderland Award Winning novelist J. David Osborne are teaching an online Bizarro writing course in April. It starts April 1st and lasts all month. The cost is a mere forty dollars if you register in February or fifty in March. Registration closes March 30th. Message me with questions or for more info. Or you can email me at thecentercannothold@gmail.com. I am also on Facebook to take your questions.
June 4, 2011
Jimmy Plush is here!
The toughest cases of the hardboiled, hardliving, hardfighting stuffed animal detective are now available on Amazon.com! If you like your pulp strange and you like your weird pulpy and like your Bizarro meaningful but sick, check it out!
http://www.amazon.com/Jimmy-Plush-Ted...
http://www.amazon.com/Jimmy-Plush-Ted...
June 2, 2011
News News News
It's been a year since I posted here. Much to my chagrin, Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective continued to experience delays up until last week. But now, it's at the printers and will be up on Amazon shortly. If you preordered, you will be getting your books soon after I get mine and you don't need to do a thing. Sit back, drink your Mai Thai and think about all those suckers that need to click and pay shipping and all that jazz. So that's good, huh? No, it's not good. It's great. Something else that's great is that my website no longer looks like crap thanks to kind intervention from a friend. My new blog Chainsaw Noir is substantially better. Go there.
HERE
Also of note is that Bizarrocentral, home of the Bizarro genre, has been revamped, retooled and rebuilt like an injured Lee Majors. Find out about our books, let us entertain you, amaze you, seduce you with our strange and sensual ways.
BIZARRO!
HERE
Also of note is that Bizarrocentral, home of the Bizarro genre, has been revamped, retooled and rebuilt like an injured Lee Majors. Find out about our books, let us entertain you, amaze you, seduce you with our strange and sensual ways.
BIZARRO!
April 10, 2010
Spaghetti, Fetish Westerns, Viking Cowboys and Teddy Bear Detectives
There will be no Spaghetti at Jordan Krall's April 16th Bizarro Spagetti dinner, but there will lots of Bizarro excitement and plenty of fun. This is an event to raise awareness of Bizarro and Jordan Krall's work in particular. Jordan Krall is a writer of Neopulp Bizarro, which I feel creates a strong bond between not just my work and Jordan's but Jordan and I. His book Fistful of Feet is a violent, dirty, Spaghetti Western full of fetishism and gore and created by a man with knowledge of and passion for cult films and the Western genre. So, whether you'd like to buy the book and get some cool entertainment while supporting an excellent cult writer and a good guy or just hang around and check out the Bizarro buzz and offer up encouragement for somebody making new and different literature check out the event on Facebook next Friday:
http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?top...
To celebrate this, I've started up a new Neopulp serial for those who have preordered Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective. Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective is my wildest book yet, an exploration of body image and identity, a series of weird mysteries and an actionpacked pulp homage. Getting on the preorder list will not only save you money on shipping in the longrun but will also give you a small discount off the cover price and chapters of special serials mailed to you in your inbox. The first of these is The Startling Sexquatch Caper, a Bizarro adventure of the real and evil Jimmy Plush, the last chapter of which goes out tomorrow to those on the list. The second of these is Halberds Johannsen, Viking Cowboy. The adventure of a cowboy that not only has a strange choice of weaponry, but lives in a world that's a bit different from the Wild West as you know it:
"Halberds Johannsen was relaxing shirtless against a fence in the hot Texas Sun. Bein’ a hot day and all, he poured some cold Dwarven ale over his rippling pecs to cool them off. The ale on his pecs certainly didn’t help the elf maids that watched cause they found themselves feelin’ mighty hot and maybe inclined to remove some garments of their own. But, Halberds Johannsen already had two ladies in his life, Honor and Justice. Honor and Justice were the names of his twin halberds, blessed by the ravens of Odin so he could atone for his life of rapin’ and pillagin’ the prairie. The elfmaids wouldn’t have minded so much bein’ raped and pillaged, but Halberds just wanted to bake in the Sun with his faithful steed, Olaf. Of course, this was not to be, since neither Vikings nor cowboys led lives of leisure and Halberds was both.
The boy came running into town, waving his arms and screaming. A mutt of a kid, half Mexican, half orc, he’d been run out of town by the sheriff so had taken to living with the Indians in the desert. Halberds walked away from the fence to see what had caused the boy’s commotion. He knew that if Pepito had come into town running and screaming, there was real trouble.
“Vat seems to be the trooble?” Halberds asked the boy.
“Meester Halberds, boss Sampson and his ogres are goin’ to demolish the town to make room for the railroads!”
Halberds gave out a mighty bellow of rage.
“Not if these two halberds have anything to say about it…”
Get the first chapter of Halberds Johannsen, Viking Cowboy in your inbox tomorrow, as well as The Startling Sexquatch Caper by preordering Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective here:
http://jimmyplush.blogspot.com/2010/0...
Hop on the wagontrain of werid and support Bizarro by checking out The Spaghetti Dinner and/or preordering Jimmy Plush!
http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?top...
To celebrate this, I've started up a new Neopulp serial for those who have preordered Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective. Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective is my wildest book yet, an exploration of body image and identity, a series of weird mysteries and an actionpacked pulp homage. Getting on the preorder list will not only save you money on shipping in the longrun but will also give you a small discount off the cover price and chapters of special serials mailed to you in your inbox. The first of these is The Startling Sexquatch Caper, a Bizarro adventure of the real and evil Jimmy Plush, the last chapter of which goes out tomorrow to those on the list. The second of these is Halberds Johannsen, Viking Cowboy. The adventure of a cowboy that not only has a strange choice of weaponry, but lives in a world that's a bit different from the Wild West as you know it:
"Halberds Johannsen was relaxing shirtless against a fence in the hot Texas Sun. Bein’ a hot day and all, he poured some cold Dwarven ale over his rippling pecs to cool them off. The ale on his pecs certainly didn’t help the elf maids that watched cause they found themselves feelin’ mighty hot and maybe inclined to remove some garments of their own. But, Halberds Johannsen already had two ladies in his life, Honor and Justice. Honor and Justice were the names of his twin halberds, blessed by the ravens of Odin so he could atone for his life of rapin’ and pillagin’ the prairie. The elfmaids wouldn’t have minded so much bein’ raped and pillaged, but Halberds just wanted to bake in the Sun with his faithful steed, Olaf. Of course, this was not to be, since neither Vikings nor cowboys led lives of leisure and Halberds was both.
The boy came running into town, waving his arms and screaming. A mutt of a kid, half Mexican, half orc, he’d been run out of town by the sheriff so had taken to living with the Indians in the desert. Halberds walked away from the fence to see what had caused the boy’s commotion. He knew that if Pepito had come into town running and screaming, there was real trouble.
“Vat seems to be the trooble?” Halberds asked the boy.
“Meester Halberds, boss Sampson and his ogres are goin’ to demolish the town to make room for the railroads!”
Halberds gave out a mighty bellow of rage.
“Not if these two halberds have anything to say about it…”
Get the first chapter of Halberds Johannsen, Viking Cowboy in your inbox tomorrow, as well as The Startling Sexquatch Caper by preordering Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective here:
http://jimmyplush.blogspot.com/2010/0...
Hop on the wagontrain of werid and support Bizarro by checking out The Spaghetti Dinner and/or preordering Jimmy Plush!
March 30, 2010
Get Behind Bizarro! Let weirdness march on!
If you don't know what Bizarro fiction is, you ought to. Whether it's to know that what you think to be edginess and weirdness that you will be persecuted for is nothing compared to what people can away with nowadays, if you want to find books for your right wing religious groups to burn or if you want to find some of the strangest cult literature today, you ought to know about Bizarro. So, go to http://www.bizarrocentral.com and you can find out via articles, author bios and a catalog of books. If you do know about Bizarro and you think it's a good thing and you want to say it loud and proud, join my group on Facebook and find out more about Bizarro, what you can do for Bizarro, what it can do for you and more. Let it be known that the world is one freak weirder here:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid...
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid...
September 9, 2009
As you read in The Magazine of Bizarro Fiction:Femme Fatales, Giant Mobsters and a Guntoting Two-fisted Teddybear! Taking Preorders now!
Charles Hatbox is a man with a problem. Unpublished, unlucky and just plain down and out, he agreed to trade bodies with teddybear detective Jimmy Plush. While life as an awful pulp novelist is bad, life as a three foot teddybear detective is very bad and life as a three foot teddybear detective who has alienated the entire town with his self-serving sociopathic behavior is virtually unlivable. Not that it's much of a town anyway, what with the Furry prostitutes, the cannibal cops, the warehouse size mob bosses and a wannabe Fu Manchu whose got his fingers in every pie. All the newly minted Mr.Plush has going for him is a faithful Chinese chauffeur, an unfaithful femme fatale who won't take off the fox suit she turns tricks in and a custom teddybear .45.
This is the plot of my upcoming book Jimmy Plush, Teddybear Detective, a high octane pulp satire in the tradition of Mickey Spillane, Hellboy, Dick Tracy and Howard the Duck. It's coming soon from Eraserhead Press publishers of Shatnerquake, the works of Carlton Mellick and a lot of your Bizarro favorites. I'm taking preorders for this now. For ten dollars, you'll get a copy of the book when it comes out free of shipping. Pretty good, considering what's in it. But for 20 dollars you get one of twenty signed and hand numbered special editions with an origin story, you get emailed a sample chapter of Murderland Part 3: Godless and you get entered into a raffle to win your very own cuddly but deadly Jimmy Plush teddy bear. It's one of a kind. There are only nineteen of these special editions remaining, so act fast before they make like a tree. Get your preorders here: http://thegarrettcook.blogspot.com
This is the plot of my upcoming book Jimmy Plush, Teddybear Detective, a high octane pulp satire in the tradition of Mickey Spillane, Hellboy, Dick Tracy and Howard the Duck. It's coming soon from Eraserhead Press publishers of Shatnerquake, the works of Carlton Mellick and a lot of your Bizarro favorites. I'm taking preorders for this now. For ten dollars, you'll get a copy of the book when it comes out free of shipping. Pretty good, considering what's in it. But for 20 dollars you get one of twenty signed and hand numbered special editions with an origin story, you get emailed a sample chapter of Murderland Part 3: Godless and you get entered into a raffle to win your very own cuddly but deadly Jimmy Plush teddy bear. It's one of a kind. There are only nineteen of these special editions remaining, so act fast before they make like a tree. Get your preorders here: http://thegarrettcook.blogspot.com
August 24, 2009
Find out about my upcoming novella Archelon Ranch HERE
http://www.horror-mall.com/haunt/blog...
As I post here, the first chapter of Archelon Ranch will be posted here on Goodreads September 1st. Check it out!
As I post here, the first chapter of Archelon Ranch will be posted here on Goodreads September 1st. Check it out!
July 7, 2009
Fiction to order?
A friend recently came up with a great idea that he shared with me. Stories to order. Provided with a theme, a type of character, a creature and a place by someone, I will put these together and give them a strange story to order or a couple pieces of flash fiction. For five dollars you can get your story told or receive a series of pieces of flash fiction involving these elements within a week.
OR
for you writers, budding writers and people curious about the process by buying five fun, weird pitches. Three dollars, five Bizarro ready, perhaps horror tinged strange ideas. One novel/novella length project among them guaranteed.
Stories to order: five dollars, finished in a week
Five strange ideas: three dollars, three days
I accept Paypal only.
Email me at thecentercannothold@gmail.com if you're interested.
Both of these are guaranteed completely unique
OR
for you writers, budding writers and people curious about the process by buying five fun, weird pitches. Three dollars, five Bizarro ready, perhaps horror tinged strange ideas. One novel/novella length project among them guaranteed.
Stories to order: five dollars, finished in a week
Five strange ideas: three dollars, three days
I accept Paypal only.
Email me at thecentercannothold@gmail.com if you're interested.
Both of these are guaranteed completely unique
June 24, 2009
On the Severe Offchance...
That any prospective readers live in the Northwest Suburbs of Chicago, my book Murderland Part 1:H8 is available at the Warrenville Public Library. Also, on July 11th at 4 o' clock, I will be doing a signing at the Borders in Naperville Illinois.
June 7, 2009
The Magazine of Bizarro Fiction #1 1
I'm proud to announce that I have a story in the Magazine of Bizarro Fiction#1, now available. I'm proud of this story, proud of the strong company in and proud to be part of Bizarro fiction. Fans of the weird, the pulpy and the hilarious will thoroughly dig it.
