Exponent II's Blog, page 93

How White U.S. Mormons Talk about the Rest of the World

I just love the American people. Sometimes I think of their universally pale, easily sunburned skin, questioning blue eyes, and soft blond hair, and I miss the time I spent among them. Despite the hardships and quirks of life among them, I wouldn’t trade my experiences in their strange and beautiful nation for the world.

I like to reflect fondly on my days of enjoying American cuisine. Of course, I felt like absolute garbage eating that stuff when I first arrived, but it’s true what they say: your body gets used to it. I even convinced my spouse to let us name our pets after some of my favorite U.S. delicacies. Our dog is called “Hamburger” after a traditional combination of breads, seasoned grilled meat, vegetables, and sauces – sometimes with a slice of coagulated milk protein wedged in between! I know it sounds gross, but don’t knock it ‘til you try it. We named our cat “Funnel Cake” after a regional dessert of fried dough covered in sugar and traditionally served at local cultural events known as “fairs” or “carnivals.” I tried making funnel cake myself once, but it was too hard to find the ingredients in my home country and the substitutes just didn’t taste the same. If I can convince my family to get a pair of fish, I already have plans to call them “Funeral Potatoes” and “Green Jell-O.” But, I digress… I have to cut myself off or I could reminisce about American food for hours!

The United States is a charming country. While there, I saw all kinds of exotic flora and fauna from bushy-tailed squirrels to perfectly manicured streets of “lawns.” (In traditional American suburban culture, it’s customary to destroy the native, biodiverse plant life and replace it with homogenous grass seed in the form of a “lawn.” They take special care to keep the grass short; it appears Americans have a superstition that tall grass brings ill fortune. As a result, American families perform regular ritual cullings of the grass, and I was even lucky enough to witness parents teach their children this important cultural practice. Unfortunately, these days intergenerational passage of this long-kept knowledge is fading away. More and more people now hire lawn cutting services, another sad example of modernization erasing cultural heritage.)

Once when I was in America on my temporary assignment, an apostle even visited! It was such an exciting and rare occasion that people traveled from far and wide to hear him speak. He reminded everyone attending to keep the commandments, including praying and reading the Scriptures. He quoted the prophet and counseled us to follow him. The talk was so special and clearly tailored to the American people in the room at that moment. He also pointed out that certain cultural practices of Church members in the area were not in line with Gospel principles. Although some people got defensive, others chose not to harden their hearts and thankfully abandoned ancestral knowledge passed down for countless generations to follow the Lord’s chosen prophets, seers, and revelators (who happened to be from my country). I was glad to see more members in a foreign land increase their understanding and change their behavior to be closer to what members in my homeland already do. It can’t be helped that there are some growing pains when the Church is still developing there.

I hope to take my future children to America and show them the place I explored in my youth. They say in American English that they’ll “circle back” – isn’t that beautiful? They somehow seem to understand better than we do that returning is akin to moving in the metaphorical shape of a perfect circle, to progressing on one eternal round, to becoming more whole. They could really teach us a thing or two. So to all my beloved brothers and sisters in America: I miss you, and I can’t wait to “circle back” someday.

Lost That Loving Feeling

I ran 13 miles today. The night before I went to a lovely lady in my ward’s house for a potluck where there was a green salad with roasted brussel sprouts, goat cheese, sweet potatoes and walnuts, New York Cheesecake, Angus burgers, baked beans and potato salad. As I was there I looked to be the youngest but the one woman, new in our ward with the jarring Utah accent might be younger but looks older. Before going, I ran 7 miles.  After, the Autumn switch in the weather and naked, wet, out of the shower I searched for underwear and none were to be found but balled in the bottom bin were my garments. It is cooler now. I could tolerate and appreciate another layer. All Spring, Summer garments and I have been apart. We are like a battered woman, separated from her truck driver bridegroom and the long road is over and we make love again. That familiar tightness enraptured me, known to me since 20, when the wearing of the bra on the outside began.  In my 40’s now, 2 years in the humid, sickly bad breath of Satan, Alabama, the wandering truck driver husband beat it out of me. I stopped wearing my Holy Garments. I withdrew consent to his advances.  But today I forget. I feel hugged, snug, stronger, the feeling that they might even notice my garment lines and they might approve, subtly know I am one of them. Our romance is secret, like concealer on a neck hickey. I pull on skinny jeans, a sweater and bring my wool jacket knowing we will be on the patio. 

The party was fun. Fun like eight Mormon Menopausal women on a cruise talking about how they’ live in Europe if it weren’t for the socialism. The most patriotic moment she ever experienced was Mt Rushmore. Why do they have to try to erase that monument? And her favorite place was Disneyland where they had animatronic wax figures of the presidents, moving, telling her what to do. She loved it. And she has matching earrings for every outfit. And she just bought a bough for atop her mailbox at the craft fair. With tears in her eyes she shares that the two of them will be making double backed fleece blankets for the nine children at the orphanage. They won’t meet them because they just couldn’t but can you imagine the look on their faces on Christmas morning when they are showered with candy, gifts and a blanket, not forgotten, yet also, not seen? We played an ice breaker game. I love these questions because it keeps conversation flowing with women I realize are so much more different than me. More different than I had realized before. On the way they think and center the world. I learned the guy I find to be the rude commenter in my gospel doctrine class is a beautiful ballroom dancer. That visiting her sister in Ohio is all she ever really wants. That her pet peeve is dishes, toilets. That her favorite smell is chocolate, cinnamon and vanilla. That she would not recommend going to Israel with a religious group unless it was LDS. They are reverent people. The others on the boat on the sea of galilee were irreverent, loud laughter, funny cause it seemed here, now, in this 60s styled, detail oriented house had loud laughter and it was good and it was very good.

I leave and I love these ladies.  

I sleep in and am out the door again at 7:30am and I run 13 miles. It is cold and I choose to keep my snug garment top on and pull over a running jacket. As I run, pace, tread uneven pavement, smell rot, see dead mouse, find trails only for me, notice butterfly I sweat and truck driver rears his ugly bat again and as if I am hiding my bruised eye with make up I peel off my jacket and shed my garment top, sticky, suffocating, wet. I weave it like a towel on my hydration vest. Something tells me I should knot it. The spirit? I do not. And 11, 12, 13 miles were the longest, the heaviest, the deepest, throbbing, pulsing penal force and alas, watch dings 13 miles. Ejaculation. Exaltation. I can stop the undulating rhythm. He has had his way with me. And I stopped running. Stretch, Cool down and notice my garment top is missing. It must be somewhere along the trail I made. Not a trail another would go. I made it. I meandered through the black part of town, past the confederate statue they won’t remove, by the cypress trees whose roots like phallic points seek air to breathe. They must erect, breathe or they will die.  So, it seems might be I. I must remove the Holy Garment in Spring, Summer. Consider it in Full, Winter or, my way, my footsteps, pained, sure, steady, might simply find its own way.  

Ancient Christians: An Introduction for Latter-day Saints

Happy publication week to Ancient Christians: An Introduction for Latter-day Saints, edited by Jason R. Combs, Mark D. Ellison, Cathrine Gines Taylor, and Kristian S. Heal. This book, among other exciting new publications, is included in Jonathan Stapley’s 2022 Christmas Book Guide for By Common Consent.

Michel Austin at By Common Consent wrote an excellent review of Ancient Christians. Follow the link for the full review, but I’ll include his closing remarks here:

“The print version of Ancient Christians is lavishly illustrated and beautifully designed, and it weighs in at a hefty 561 pages. But whatever you do, don’t skip over the contributor’s biographies (532-537), because it is here that we learn something important. These people are good. The authors are all actual experts in the field who really (really, really) know what they are talking about. They hold advanced degrees from some of the most prestigious universities in the world, and they regularly publish the results of their research to other experts in the field.

And this, ultimately, is among the volume’s greatest strengths. The authors are Latter-day Saints writing to other Latter-day Saints. But they know stuff that most of us don’t know. This is important as we study the New Testament in 2023 because—let’s just be honest here—as much as we insist that we are really Christians when somebody suggests we are not, most of us know very little about the first 1800 years of the Christian tradition. This is a real problem. Ancient Christians: An Introduction for Latter-day Saints is at least the start of a real solution.”

Exponent II Blog 2022 Christmas Book Guide

‘Tis the season for book buying! Whether the book be a gift for yourself or a gift from someone else, I have some Holiday Reading Recommendations.

 

I must start by recommending a subscription to our beloved magazine, Exponent II. Though not a book, with digital subscriptions for only $12 for the whole year, and print subscriptions for only $35 a year (within the US), this is a gift that truly keeps on giving. The words and artwork are powerful and stay with you, warming your heart and teasing your mind in ways that you never knew you needed. I can truly say that I have learned and enjoyed something from every copy of the magazine I’ve ever read.

 

 

For the following titles, I have included prices in US dollars, from the Amazon website as of the date of this post.

 

I have a few favourite Christmas children’s books! (don’t we all!) Adding to my list is The Innkeeper’s Daughter ($16.69 hardcover) about the daughter of the Innkeeper who turned away Mary and Joseph. When I asked the author, Calie Schmidt about her book, she said, “I have four daughters and realized that the nativity needed more female representation.” Amen, sister! I loved this sweet addition to nativity-based inspirational stories and believe this book is one for the ages. Sweetly written in rhyme, it is a magical story to read aloud, sharing a strong sense of kindness and reverent majesty. Literally my favourite Children’s Christmas book this year! (Cedar Fort Publishing & Media- this publisher had a special where the book was only $3.00)

 

 

Do you have an imagination? William Morris does. I confess that I bought this book as a gift for a friend… and accidentally read the whole thing. I couldn’t give a used copy top my friend, especially since some of the stories begged to be re-read! So I am stuck in the waiting-for-the-mail limbo to wrap this up for my friend. So what I am saying is, this is the kind of book that you really can’t put down, for reasons you can’t quite put your finger on. So– if you are looking for science fiction, fun, creativity and just something a bit weird, The Darkest Abyss: Strange Mormon Stories ($12.956/paperback) is for you (or your friend) who likes something… different. (By Common Consent Press)

 

Tender Leaves of Hope: Finding Belonging as LGBTQ Latter-day Saint Women ($14.23/paperback) is another book I strongly recommend. But better than me, Carol Lynn Pearson wrote, “Meghan Decker’s Tender Leaves of Hope brings a much-needed intelligent and compassionate view into the lives and loves of women in the LDS community. This book gives a warm welcome to those who experience themselves as lesbian and want to be part of the Church—and at the same time offers respect to those who choose a different path.” This book is filled with compassion as expressed through the stories of more than the author alone. The short chapters are concise, leaving the reader space to ponder how we can better understand the challenge of being LGBTQ in the LDS church, plus– with a dearth of lesbian representation in LDS literature, this is a welcome addition to the market. (Cedar Fort Publishing & Media)

 

For the poetry lover in your life, this book has their name written all over it: Paradoxical Glory ($9.99/ paperback). Our own Katie Rich wrote a review on it, which enticed me to purchase… and I did not regret it. This is complicated, yet easily understood at the same time– meaning that sometimes the subject matter is complicated, but the questions posted or offered by the author are ones that many LDS women have grappled with. It is the kind of book that makes you think about the oddness of life in a good way. (By Common Consent Press)

 

To be honest, I am dying to write a book review for Marianne Meets the Mormons: Representations of Mormonism in Nineteenth-Century France ($30.00/paperback) (I plan to soon). I absolutely LOVED it. For the historian on your Christmas list, or the wanna be history professor, or the Francophile, this book ticks all the boxes. Meticulously researched in France, the authors of this book look at how nineteenth-century French observers engaged with the idea of Mormonism in order to reframe their own cultural preoccupations– critiquing and parodying Mormons as much as the French themselves. This is not a book you will regret purchasing. (University of Illinois Press)

 

France is not enough? Well, skip over to the British Isles and check out The Latter-day Saint Image in the British Mind ($26.95/paperback). This book kind of has it all: history, literature, media and surveys…and you end up learning about the outsider’s perspective of this very American religion. It is a great look at the cultural differences between Americans and Brits through the lens of Mormonism.  (Kofford Books)

 

True confession: I have not read this book. But I have been told that The Burning Book: A Jewish-Mormon Memoir ($11.95/paperback) is giftable for all the church members within the Mormon spectrum. Selections from the Amazon description: “The Burning Book traces Jason’s spiritual journey from aspiring rabbi to Latter-day Saint missionary, from Brigham Young University student to Israeli immigrant, and from Jewish Studies scholar to military chaplain.  Co-written with novelist and poet James Goldberg (author of The Five Books of Jesus and A Book of Lamentations). The Burning Book offers readers a glimpse into Jewish and Mormon cultures and asks what it means to seek the voice of prophets in a modern, multicultural world.” I plan on getting this one for my bishop brother. (By Common Consent Press)

 

Lastly, if you have not yet read East Winds: A Global Quest to Reckon with Marriage ($12.95/paperback), be your own Secret Santa and get it. It really is a fun read, rich with detail, and posing powerful questions, suppositions and the occasional answer. It really is a good read for anyone– LDS or not. (By Common Consent Press)

 

 

What do you think? Are there any books on your “recommended for purchase” list for this holiday season? Please comment below! Merry Christmas Reading!!

A Curriculum of Stale Chips

Note: This is fourth in a series about teaching. Click to read Part 1: The Incredible Power of a Teacher, Part 2: Creating a Community of Belonging, and Part 3: When Trauma Appears at Church.

Photo Credit: Tim Samuel, Pexels

There is a convenience store not too far from my house that my kids occasionally talk me into visiting. While I wait for them to fill slurpee cups full of brightly colored slushy liquid, I often pursue the shelves of food offerings. I’m drawn to colorful food —like a bag of puffed Cheetos I once purchased. While alluring, they turned out to be disappointingly stale and not satisfying. They were, after all, highly processed food from a convenience store where all the items of the shelves are covered in a light layer of dust. I had to remind myself that if I wanted something satisfying to eat I could cook it myself or go to a restaurant that uses fresh food like vegetables, fruits, grass fed beef and such. I love good food; even writing about good food brings a smile. 

Imagine, though, if someone told me the stale Cheetos were perfectly fine, they were all I needed, and I should feel guilty for even suggesting they were not satisfying. The contrast between them and a farm-to-table meal illustrates how I feel about the Come, Follow Me curriculum. I’m sure the writers of the curriculum put a great deal of effort into the project and had good intentions. It’s also a difficult task to write curriculum for a worldwide church. And the business side of the church is organized in a hierarchy that makes completing *anything* incredibly difficult because any sort of project—from creating a curriculum to building a temple—passes through many layers of management who each have their own opinions. (If any curriculum writers happen to read this, please tell us your story of creating the curriculum.) 

All graciousness aside, the curriculum is stale. Sure, it’s better than the previous manuals that hadn’t been updated for decades. At the same time, my irritation with CFM is its underlying premise: The lessons are designed to encourage a warm fuzzy loyalty to the church institution and ideas espoused in the Family Proclamation. To me, this approach strips the idea of God, understanding peoples’ relationship with God as recorded in scripture, and accessing the divine through sacred texts, of its mystery and wonder and tries to cram something big and beautiful into a little box. It’s the equivalent of processing a farm-to-table meal into stale Cheetos. 

A few days before writing this post, I listened to the podcast Fireside with Blair Hodges. A quick shout-out for Fireside; its tagline is “Interviews about culture and religion with brilliant people to fan the flames of your curiosity,” and Blair does exactly that. He is a thoughtful person who finds interesting people to interview. Plus, the occasional sound of a crackling fire is so realistic I once glanced around to look for a fire when I was listening while biking through a wooded area. 

Blair has a graduate degree in religious studies and he knows his stuff. In the particular episode I was listening to called “The Books,” guest Vanessa Zoltan of the podcast Harry Potter and the Sacred Text discusses three different postures she proposes people use when they approach sacred texts. Those approaches are as a fan, or as a scholar, or as a devotee. This was an ‘ah-ha’ moment for me because I realized I often crave a scholarly approach to sacred texts. But the real eye-opening moment came when Blair and Vanessa discussed the differences between a devotee and a fan. (Note: this exchange has been edited for length.)

BLAIR HODGES: I would say sometimes I think about…fans, where they almost get too—they’re almost too obsessive. And anything that doesn’t fit the vision that they wanted to have for it, there’s a lot of—there can be anger, you know?

VANESSA ZOLTAN: Oh, that’s interesting…I would say it is not their fandom that is getting in the way. I would say that there are other things that are often getting in the way..

BLAIR HODGES: Like prejudices that they’re bringing to it…

VANESSA ZOLTAN: Exactly, I don’t think it’s their fandom that is the problem. 

BLAIR HODGES: But do you think there’s a lack of openness there to it, then? It’s like, they’re not letting that canon,….they’re not letting the sacred texts question them. They’re bringing what they already have to the text and just wanting it to say the things they’ve already got.

VANESSA ZOLTAN: Right. Exactly.

Boom. Mic drop. 

“They’re bringing what they already have to the text and just wanting it to say the things they’ve already got,” is Come Follow Me in a nutshell. If you’ve ever looked at the manual, particularly the youth lessons, and wondered how in the world a scripture has been made to, for example, support marriage when the scripture happens to be about anything but marriage, that perspective is how. It’s what the church leaders via the writers of the curriculum want; they’re not allowing members to allow sacred texts to challenge them. Leaders seem to want members to walk out of church with pre-determined answers. 

And frankly, not many members ask to be challenged, either. It takes effort to think of anything other than what we already know is the “right” answer. It can also be uncomfortable. But as I have learned from my fitness coach, it is important for growth to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. 

Amos, the lesson from yesterday’s Sunday School, can be read by centering Amos 3:7 about the Lord’s word being revealed to prophets. With that verse we can pat ourselves on the back with reassurance that we belong to the one true church that has prophets. Or we can, as Blair brilliantly did while teaching Sunday School in his ward, allow the text to challenge us. 

Amos, an average person, was asked to tell the people to do better, to treat others fairly by addressing inequalities and exploitation that was happening among the Israelites, including the priests. It’s uncomfortable to consider how  we might be participating in systems of oppression. It may be uncomfortable for many members to consider that current church leaders react to pleas to do better pretty much in the same way that institutional authorities back then reacted to Amos by having the priest at Beth-el tell him to be quiet and go away. 

I assert that there are long-term costs when we don’t allow sacred texts to challenge us in much the same way that there are long-term costs to eating stale Cheetos instead of fresh food. I see those costs being incurred right now in the church. As a teacher, I understand it’s scary to let go, to allow your students to grow and be challenged by a rigorous curriculum, because the outcome is not controllable. However, that’s how I understand my job—to cultivate student growth. For church leaders, curriculum writers, and teachers, I assert it is your job to help cultivate growth of the people in your classes.  It’s worth it. We all need to be nourished and strengthened when we feast on the word.

Today is the Day

Yesterday afternoon, All Souls Unitarian Universalist Church held three vigils for the victims of another terrorist attack on the LGTBQIA++ community.

My church was silent.

Last night, Temple Beit Torah changed their planned commemoration for Transgender Day of Remembrance into a vigil for our murdered friends and family.

My church was silent.

Tonight, there will be a vigil at a park in Colorado Springs to strategize solutions to the increasing violence against LGBTQIA++ people as we mourn yet another mass shooting.

My church will be silent.

Tonight, there will be a vigil in Denver to mourn with our community which is reeling.

My church will be silent.

Today, the news will come out that the shooter is Mormon.

And my church will refuse to acknowledge the role it has played.

Oh, maybe my church will eventually say something non-specific, something along the lines of “thoughts and prayers,” something that may or may not be traceable back to this day, this violence, this sorrow.

And tomorrow they’ll carve out exemptions to anti-discrimination laws.

They’ll claim they cry more than we do, and then they’ll quote the family proclamation.

They’ll demand we use the full name of the church, and they’ll misgender, misname, and mis-describe us.

They’ll say every voice has a place in God’s choir, and then they’ll delete our comments.

They’ll say there is space in the church for everyone, and then they’ll excommunicate us.

They’ll say their God is a loving God, and then they will model hate.

Hate that fed a terrorist.

Today, President Oaks’ article labeled Same-Gender Attraction will still read, “How should we respond when a person announces that he is a homosexual or she is a lesbian and that scientific evidence ‘proves’ he or she was ‘born that way’?” and the quote marks will convince parents that Satan is winning the hearts of their children.

Today, that article says, “Our doctrines obviously condemn those who engage in so-called ‘gay bashing’–physical or verbal attacks on persons thought to be involved in homosexual or lesbian behavior” and then the article quickly pivots to “inheritance explains susceptibilities to certain diseases like some cancers and some other illnesses” and Bishops will treat their queer members as a disease to be cut out of the body of Christ.

Today, that article still reads, “‘It is imperative that clinicians and behavioral scientists begin to appreciate the complexities of sexual orientation and resist the urge to search for simplistic explanations, either psychosocial or biologic…'” and Stake Presidents will offer the simplistic suggestion to stay celibate or enter into a mixed orientation marriage.

After an entire article devoted to undermining science and best-practices in therapy, Oaks’ article will say that “Church officers are responsible to call transgressors to repentance and to remind them of the principle the prophet Samuel taught the wicked Nephites” without realizing the irony of claiming to be both the chosen people and the prophet who came from outside that self-righteous community to preach repentance. A prophet the in-the-church Nephites rejected.

Today, someone will hear religious hate speech and believe it.

Today, someone will buy a gun.

Today, someone will target another member of the LGBTQIA++ community.

And tomorrow, my church leaders will wring their hands and talk about the ‘last days’ without doing anything to ease the burdens their policies put on the most vulnerable.

Today, people will send thoughts and prayers.

And tomorrow, they’ll vote against gun legislation.

Today, people will plead for unity.

And tomorrow, they’ll vote against anti-discrimination legislation.

Today, people will ask if there’s anything they can do.

And tomorrow, they’ll move on to another mass shooting, another meme, another talking point.

Today, do something.

Today, stop funding hate speech.

Today, stand in solidarity by writing letters, making phone calls, donating blood, and giving to local anti-hate organizations.

Today, tell your church leaders you don’t stand with a religion that doesn’t sit with the vulnerable.

Today is the day the Lord hath made. Don’t waste it.

Tribute to Mary Lythgoe Bradford, first female editor of Dialogue: A Journal of #Mormon Thought #LDS

Her writings did the ‘biggest work of all’ — Mormon journal’s first female editor dies Salt Lake Tribune, Nov. 8, 2022

Mary Lythgoe Bradford

Hot Tubs and Doctrinal Discord

This post mentions sexual abuse.

Recently I went to Utah for work and was reminded of the peculiarities of our people. One evening, after my meetings ended, I ran out and grabbed a smothered burrito at Cafe Rio as a nod to my college years, and headed back to the hotel for a night swim. Three people occupied a four person hot tub, so after my laps were done I asked if it would interrupt their tête-à-tête if I joined them. They graciously invited me in, asked where I was from, and engaged me in conversation. Keep in mind I live on the East Coast and don’t typically run into Latter-day Saints in my everyday comings and goings. Doctrinal conversations don’t just pop up casually in my community. When these conversations do occur, it’s usually in church on Sunday. Because it is during the regimented 2 hour block, in a reverent place, I definitely don’t seem to be able to have the nitty gritty conversations about faith that I seem to be desperate for lately. I am currently frustrated with several aspects of my worship and need a time and place to talk about things with fellow worshippers, but I don’t know when and where to make that happen. Instead, I get annoyed with what I feel are ignorant comments in class, dismissive comments in testimonies, and generally surface level lessons that only seem to separate me further from the unity in my faith that I crave. So when the people I joined in the hot tub were looking for some hearty discussion, I was in.

My new late night hot tubbing friends asked why I was in town and I explained I work for the judicial system and was conducting some training.“What does someone from Virginia have to teach anyone in Utah about judicial practices in Utah?” In no surprise, the conversation quickly turned to politics, as it does, and I chuckled as they presumed my political leanings based on my confession about having attended BYU. We had a healthy back and forth discussion about doubt and faith, about the LDS Church’s “faux pas with the LGBTQ community” (his words not mine), about creating space for doctrinal questions and doubts, guns and school choice, and of course about faith and grief, because that’s my jam. 

We agreed on almost nothing. One of the individuals drove the conversation, but I inserted my two cents regularly. In passing he mentioned he has gotten a bit calloused about people taking offense when something bad happens to them at church. He confessed his lack of sympathy for those who stop coming to church because another church member said or did something offensive. He proceeded to share some pretty terrible things he’d experienced at the hands of a bishopric member and scout leader back in the day, but conveyed how he decided to not let it “get it him.” He’d been physically and sexually abused by male leaders at church, but he didn’t let it impact his testimony. His conclusion was that if those experiences didn’t drive him away, he had little empathy for the seemingly “little” things (to him) that drove other folks away. It was a heavy topic for our hot tub heart to heart. I expressed my sorrow over his childhood experiences and he was quick to minimize and move on. I followed his lead, respecting the attention he did or did not want to give his trauma at that time and place.

I offered that I too, have grown a bit calloused, but for reasons on the other side of the spectrum. I have felt a bit frustrated lately because many members of the church are being so offensive. Taking offense versus being offensive, a dichotomy worth dissecting. I explained how I feel a little frustrated with those who feel entitled to do or say whatever they want, sensitivity be damned. 

We somehow landed on discussing gay rights, probably because the Respect for Marriage Act (RFMA) had recently passed in the House. When I spoke in support of RFMA and about how disappointed I was that we as a religion were not making better strides in offering a safe, welcoming space for LGBTQ Saints to worship, he wasn’t having it.

He talked about a gay couple who attends his ward who is welcomed by everyone and even though they can’t get baptized, “they are fine with it.” They even have responsibilities at church and are loved by all, even though the couple’s daughters couldn’t get baptized. Or they could. Or wait, maybe they couldn’t, but shouldn’t. Or now they can. Or not. He couldn’t quite remember where all that stood. 

I said, “I don’t know this couple, so maybe they are ‘fine with it,’ or maybe they aren’t, but why are you fine with it?” I explained about two friends of my own who are gay and tried to attend a ward and were not only not given callings, but also ignored and othered, and unsurprisingly, they left. Two different wards, two different experiences for gay Saints. 

One friend in one ward praying to Heavenly Mother, no problem. Another friend in another ward, shamed into keeping silent. Two wards, two different experiences. Two friends struggling with wearing their temple garments daily, two different wards, two different messages from leadership.

Across the board, there are doctrinal gaps. In these gaps, there has got to be room for multiple interpretations, I tried suggesting. He couldn’t see the gaps, only the black and white handbook he could quote, and he kept telling me I was being too critical. But for him, all of this was just as casual as talking about the weather forecast. Conversations like these never happen with strangers I meet in hot tubs in Virginia. 

“How can some people engage in certain behaviors and still hold their temple recommends, while others do the exact same thing three stakes over, and yet be denied theirs?” I asked my hot tub friend pointedly, “If doctrinally all of these bishops are called of God, but have very different interpretations of worthiness, doesn’t that mean there are some doctrinal gaps we need to acknowledge? Maybe, could there be a gap in revelation about gay marriage, for example?” He shook his head slowly enough to let me know he’d wondered that too, maybe, but that was all the space he was going to give it.

I tell you this story because as much as we disagreed, we talked. My hot tub friends asserted their notions of things and I did the same. I did not back down but I was not confrontational. They did not back down, but they were not confrontational. For the record, I do believe in confrontation at times and that we can, and should, be mad about things. But on that night, me and my three new hot tub friends shared our contradictory beliefs all housed under the same doctrinal umbrella of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Each of us, our own version of a Latter—day Saint. Each of us not understanding how the other could believe what they believed, but all accepting the love of our Heavenly Parents, and at that point, that shared knowledge was enough. When we were all shriveled past the point of pruning, we walked away civilly. It was good for me. I was able to have a hearty discussion about problematic doctrines of the gospel with individuals who can’t see things the way I see them, but we did all agree the other should have a place to worship in the same pew. It was a reminder to me that there are so many doctrinal gaps, so many things I will never see eye to eye about with others I go to church with on Sunday. This was no surprise. The surprise was that in accepting that knowledge, I felt oddly powerful. I will look for allies where I can find them, and where I can’t, I will seek to create them. Where I can neither find nor create allies, I can remove myself.

We all had different opinions that night, they listened to mine and I listened to theirs. I wondered if we were all so respectful of each other’s differences because we were strangers and would never have to worship together. It inspired me to be more forthcoming in my own ward, and not just when I am a stranger in a strange land. Ironically, I think I learned that creating spaces for doctrinal discord is the only way I am actually going to find unity.

The Holy Ghost as an Ambassador

My fourth child was recently baptized and he asked me to give a talk on the Holy Ghost. This has actually been my role four times and works well for me because I’m not always certain what I believe, but I love teaching my children about seeking good, finding light, and being kind. I’m often frustrated by the war/antagonist bent to some popular hymns and the portrayal of Christian soldiers. While that type of motivation has a place, I love to think of the Holy Ghost as a ambassador for Christ who leads us all to represent Him. For my blog post this week, I offer my baptismal Holy Ghost talk to my children:

You were born with a light in you. We were all born with this light, often called a conscience, which guides us to make good choices. Our conscience is also called the Light of Christ and this means each one of us has a divine energy for good within us.

In St. John Chapter 1, versus 6-9, it says:
6 ¶There was a man sent from God, whose name was John.
 7 The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through him might believe.
 8 He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light.
 9 That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world.

Every person you meet has this light and the capacity for good. This light helps us know what is good and true and loving. After we’re baptized, we can receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost, which is like a super rechargeable battery for this light. The Holy Ghost helps strengthen that light within us and helps us better see what is good and true and loving. As we make choices that help us follow Christ, we keep recharging that battery so we can continue to see the world through the bright light of Jesus Christ.

There are many songs about “Christian soldiers” and we sometimes speak of warriors in the scriptures. The Holy Ghost, though, is someone unique. I like to think of the Holy Ghost as an Ambassador for Jesus Christ. An ambassador officially represents someone or something. Their job is diplomacy and they often leave their home country to build friendships with other countries. This means they leave the comfort of their home and familiar things to get to know new people, places, and cultures. An ambassador’s job is to find things they have in common and ways countries can work together for good. The job of the Holy Ghost is to show us the world as Jesus sees it.

When you have the Holy Ghost working within you to brighten your light, you can be an Ambassador for Jesus Christ too. You can go out into the world to seek light and to share light. Sometimes this can mean being a missionary or sharing something about your faith, but Ambassadors most often share light through their actions and choices. The most important thing the Holy Ghost helps you do is show others the light of Christ within them. This most often happens when we serve others, when we choose kind words, when we forgive faults and mistakes and when we include all kinds of different people.

As we grow older, choices are not always easy. Sometimes there is more than one good choice. Sometimes all of our choices have problems. This is where the Holy Ghost can help us shine Christ’s light on our choices. This light will help us have compassion and clarity. You’ve probably heard the popular phrase “What would Jesus Do?” That is exactly the question the Holy Ghost reminds us to ask in our hearts and minds when we need to make a choice.

The Holy Ghost will ask us:
Is it loving?
Is it helpful?
Is it honest?
Is it kind?
Does this choice bring more light?

In John 12: 36, Jesus tells us, “While ye have light, believe in the light, that ye may be the children of light.” As I’ve watched you grow, I’ve seen that light within you. Now, you can have the Holy Ghost as your companion and friend, helping you see that light and guiding you toward it. As you continue to be kind to others, to seek ways to serve, to find ways to spread good, that light will fill you. And, if you feel the light fading or struggle with hard times or sin or challenges, like we all do, the Holy Ghost can help lead you back toward that light and bring you comfort and peace.

As we ask these questions and try to be like Jesus Christ daily, we become more like him. Sister Cheiko Okazaki said, “Strength comes from faith in the Savior’s love and in the power of his atonement. If we trustingly put our hand in the Savior’s, we can claim the promise of the sacramental prayer to always have his Spirit with us.” This means that we don’t have to make perfect choices. We just have to keep trying and promising to try and be like Jesus. When our choices don’t bring us closer to Jesus, we can try again by trustingly putting our hand in the Savior’s. The Holy Ghost will be there to help us recharge our light by reading the words of Jesus Christ, serving others, and seeking the good around us.

Today, you are choosing to continue to follow that light within you as an Ambassador of Jesus Christ. You are loved more than you know by your mom, your dad, and your Heavenly Mother and Heavenly Father. We are all here to help and support you as you continue to shine your light and follow Jesus Christ.

Guest Post: Will men ejaculate responsibly and end unwanted pregnancies?

Guest post by Shelbey Neil, a graduate student, amateur thespian, and primary caregiver. After a lifetime of perfect politeness, she is thrilled to have finally embarked on her “villain era.” 

Gabrielle Blair and her new book, Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion
Photos from here and here

Gabrielle Blair’s newest book, Ejaculate Responsibly, is an epiphany. And the genius lies not in pointing out complex, hidden truths, but rather in pointing out obvious realities that have been both deliberately and accidentally obfuscated by ordinary and powerful people for as long as any of us hold memories. We all—knowingly or unknowingly—perpetuate the incredible imbalance of responsibility for unwanted pregnancies through our behavior and unexamined attitudes. Blair, in her new book, is urging us to stop.

This work, subtitled A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion, is a marvelously straightforward series of twenty-eight arguments whose entire purpose is to provide evidence for the claim inherent in the title: that the solution to reducing abortions is simply responsible ejaculations. And no, it’s not a bait-and-switch to trick politically pro-life people into yet another ineffective discussion on pro-choice talking points—moral, ethical, and philosophical arguments for or against abortions are completely absent. Blair puts a friendly arm around our shoulders, turns us around, and helps us see that by the time abortion is on the table, we’ve already missed the entire point.

Blair’s writing is unfussy, uncomplicated, and undeniable. It’s conversational, easy to devour, and repeats itself only when entirely necessary. The book is based on a viral Twitter thread she published in 2018 that has gotten an astounding 141,300 retweets (as of this writing) and still receives interaction on a daily basis, these four years later.

The genius of that Twitter thread and this book (which examines the same arguments, plus a few more) is that Blair saw the solution to abortion that has been right under our noses this whole time. She was the first one to publicly point out that irresponsible ejaculations are the real root cause of unwanted pregnancies. For decades, sexual conservatives have claimed that sex was the root cause (“If you don’t want a baby, don’t have sex”), but that is both biologically, logistically, and legally false, as Blair demonstrates masterfully and conversationally.

If you’ve read Blair’s Twitter thread and other similar content, many of these arguments will not be revelatory because you will have heard them from her or others before—or had the thoughts yourself. However, this book combines those points with several other important facets of the conversation such that all the main ideas can hang together nicely in one space and become, truly, an undeniable case for ejaculating responsibly. I, for one, appreciated how absolutely unflinching Blair—a mother of six—was about the incredible risks and dangers of pregnancy and the unfathomable workload that is parenting, without tying it up in pretty packaging at the end. Blair’s writing is so honest it took my breath away.

Now that Blair has issued the boundary lines for where women’s responsibility for unwanted pregnancies ends and men’s responsibility begins, here comes the scared waiting: Will men take responsibility for their ejaculations and end unwanted pregnancies? For men reading this, will you?

I agree with other reviewers: Ejaculate Responsibly is required reading, especially for men and teenage boys. Full stop.