Exponent II's Blog, page 163

Guest Post: Do You See Me?

[image error]

 

By Ramona Morris

Like many saints of color, when the video of George Floyd circulated on each news channel as the “story of the moment”, tears ran down my face each time.

Like an alarm clock that rang shrilly in my ears, each report caused a torrent of emotions. I remember rocking myself back and forth, trying to convince myself that this wasn’t real life yet with each bolder headline, the safety bubble of my small island home evaporated.

During my travels to Idaho/Utah in 2018, I met a really nice police officer who despite my nervousness seemed to be one of the good ones. Fresh off the “N Word Saga.” After returning from a girl’s night to help a friend get over a guy who wasn’t worth her time, a driver slammed on his brakes which eventually led to us getting rear-ended by a truck. As the back-seat passenger, I took the brunt of the impact. Police and an ambulance arrived, I was cleared and could return to our apartment. Still, I knew I was one of the lucky ones. I was lucky because unlike so many… I got to go home.

In the weeks following George Floyd’s death, saints of color formed what would only be likened to an unofficial support group. I got used to my DM’s being filled with messages from friends who wondered why their priesthood leaders hadn’t reached out to them or why the church seemed to go radio silent at a time when we needed to hear words that would make us feel like we still mattered.

During this time, I really struggled being a member of the church. Although I tried to post educational content on my page, I became angrier as I watched the silence within the influencer community.

As a black woman who is often one of the few saints of color when you search through LDS hashtags, I felt more alone than ever. I was used to being alone. I was used to my messages going over the heads of those who had spent their life in the church. Yet, when the silence came, I felt discarded and alone. I felt invisible.

I was used to breaking glass ceilings and stand alone in a community that didn’t seem to be made for me. But as I watched, becoming angrier by the second, I asked myself the question that still plagues me to this day.

Do you even see me?

 Those saints of color eventually bonded over our anger, frustration and invisibility. Our cause became a hashtag soon forgotten as we faded into the background with our feelings brushed aside. All it took was one day of activism before the majority moved onto the next cause that piqued their interest more.

I found myself unravelling and spiraling into raging anger as I watched members of the church who I had come to know and love as family condone racist behavior. Eventually I discovered that when it came to white and black issues, most preferred the white way over the right way.

I mourned the loss of these friendships, yet I held firm to my convictions. This was one time I wasn’t backing down without a good fight. Still, I was plagued by conflicted emotions wondering why these persons failed to comprehend that with a good face swap, George Floyd could’ve been me. I could’ve been the person dying that those friends claimed to love as a sister. I asked myself why my concerns for people to do better didn’t matter now.

To protect my sanity, I took a break from Instagram to disconnect from the anger I had felt.  I returned with a clearer mind and with the ability to speak more openly about the injustices that saints of color and black persons faced.

I’m not saying it’s easy. Most times, I feel like a lone soldier who has gone to war and is fighting against a thousand-man army. My goal now is to reach that one person to open them up a deeper level of understanding. I’m not aspiring to take the mote out of anyone’s eye or to make them feel like a bad person for things they don’t fully comprehend.

I just want us to do better.

All I want is just for people to look beyond themselves and acknowledge those who look like me, to hear our stories without diminish our pain and to understand us by learning how to act as a disciple of Christ by become an ally with those who may feel persecuted.

That’s how we begin the process of showing the true Christlike love we brag about so often. Enough talking that talk…it’s time to step up to the plate and “walk the walk” that will bring us closer to returning to Heavenly Father one day.

 

Come Follow Me: 3 Nephi 8-11 “Arise and Come Forth unto Me”

[image error]

Jesus Christ appears to the Nephites by Arnold Friburg

These Book of Mormon chapters describe the appearance of Jesus Christ in the Americas after his resurrection. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught that this “constituted the focal point, the supreme moment, in the entire history of the Book of Mormon.” (Christ and the New Covenant, 1997)

Why is this moment so important?
How is it meaningful to you?

Communing with God: Signs and Silence

In the Old Testament, the prophet Elijah sought to commune with the Lord, and felt prompted to go alone to a mountain.

11 And [the word of the Lord]  said [to Elijah], Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:

12 And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.

-1 Kings 19: 11-12

It was through the still small voice that Elijah at last found the Lord.

In 3 Nephi 8-11, entire nations of people experience similar patterns.

In 3 Nephi 8, the Nephites and Lamanites  experience a series of dramatic and frightening signs, including hurricanes, fires, and earthquakes.

In the next chapter, 3 Nephi 9, after most of these signs subside, and they hear the voice of the Lord.

In 3 Nephi 10, they became quiet, and hear the voice of the Lord again :

2 For so great was the astonishment of the people that they did cease lamenting and howling for the loss of their kindred which had been slain; therefore there was silence in all the land for the space of many hours.

3 And it came to pass that there came a voice again unto the people, and all the people did hear, and did witness of it…

-3 Nephi 10:2-3

In 3 Nephi 11, they gathered at the temple and heard the voice again. And like Elijah, they described the voice as a “small voice.” It was so small, in fact, that they struggled to hear it.

1 And now it came to pass that there were a great multitude gathered together, of the people of Nephi, round about the temple which was in the land Bountiful; and they were marveling and wondering one with another, and were showing one to another the great and marvelous change which had taken place.

2 And they were also conversing about this Jesus Christ, of whom the sign had been given concerning his death.

3 And it came to pass that while they were thus conversing one with another, they heard a voice as if it came out of heaven; and they cast their eyes round about, for they understood not the voice which they heard; and it was not a harsh voice, neither was it a loud voice; nevertheless, and notwithstanding it being a small voice it did pierce them that did hear to the center, insomuch that there was no part of their frame that it did not cause to quake; yea, it did pierce them to the very soul, and did cause their hearts to burn.

4 And it came to pass that again they heard the voice, and they understood it not.

5 And again the third time they did hear the voice, and did open their ears to hear it; and their eyes were towards the sound thereof; and they did look steadfastly towards heaven, from whence the sound came.

6 And behold, the third time they did understand the voice which they heard; and it said unto them:

7 Behold my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased, in whom I have glorified my name—hear ye him.

8 And it came to pass, as they understood they cast their eyes up again towards heaven; and behold, they saw a Man descending out of heaven; and he was clothed in a white robe; and he came down and stood in the midst of them; and the eyes of the whole multitude were turned upon him, and they durst not open their mouths, even one to another, and wist not what it meant, for they thought it was an angel that had appeared unto them.

-3 Nephi 11:1-8

How can we channel frightening and even devastating events to prepare to commune with God?
How can we introduce quiet moments into our lives so that we can commune with God?
What did the people have to do to understand the voice?
How can we better understand the voice of the Lord?

How does Jesus Christ describe Himself?

Jesus Christ said that knowing Him is “life eternal” in His intercessory prayer.

And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.

John 17:3

But knowing Christ is a challenge.  When Christ asked his disciples who the people of Jerusalem thought He was, it was apparent that there was a great deal of confusion.

13 When Jesus came into the coasts of Cæsarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, saying, Whom do men say that I the Son of man am?

14 And they said, Some say that thou art John the Baptist: some, Elias; and others, Jeremias, or one of the prophets.

Matthew 16:13-14

When the Nephites and Lamanites hear the voice of the Jesus Christ, and again when they see Him in person, Jesus Christ introduces Himself to them, providing us with a unique opportunity to learn who Jesus is, according to Jesus Himself.

Invite the class to read these introductions and consider these questions.  After reading, list their answers on the board (or chatbox, in a virtual classroom).

How does Christ identify himself?
What are some of the words Christ uses to describe himself? What do these words mean?
What does Christ tell us about his premortal and mortal life?

15 Behold, I am Jesus Christ the Son of God. I created the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are. I was with the Father from the beginning. I am in the Father, and the Father in me; and in me hath the Father glorified his name.

16 I came unto my own, and my own received me not. And the scriptures concerning my coming are fulfilled.

17 And as many as have received me, to them have I given to become the sons of God; and even so will I to as many as shall believe on my name, for behold, by me redemption cometh, and in me is the law of Moses fulfilled.

18 I am the light and the life of the world. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end.

-3 Nephi 9:15-18

10 Behold, I am Jesus Christ, whom the prophets testified shall come into the world.

11 And behold, I am the light and the life of the world; and I have drunk out of that bitter cup which the Father hath given me, and have glorified the Father in taking upon me the sins of the world, in the which I have suffered the will of the Father in all things from the beginning.

-3 Nephi 11:10-11

Why would these things be important to know about Christ?
How can we come to know Christ better?

Note: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) Guide to the Scriptures states:

Alpha is the first letter in the Greek alphabet; Omega is the last. They are also names given to Jesus Christ and are used as symbols to show that Christ is both the beginning and the end (Rev. 1:8; D&C 19:1).

-Alpha and Omega, Guide to the Scriptures

Coming to Christ Like Chicks to a Mother Hen

The voice of the Lord invited the Nephites and Lamanites to repent and come to Him:

13 O all ye that are spared because ye were more righteous than they, will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?

14 Yea, verily I say unto you, if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me…

20 And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost, even as the Lamanites, because of their faith in me at the time of their conversion, were baptized with fire and with the Holy Ghost, and they knew it not.

21 Behold, I have come unto the world to bring redemption unto the world, to save the world from sin.

22 Therefore, whoso repenteth and cometh unto me as a little child, him will I receive, for of such is the kingdom of God. Behold, for such I have laid down my life, and have taken it up again; therefore repent, and come unto me ye ends of the earth, and be saved.

-3 Nephi 9:13-14, 19-22

What is a “sacrifice” of “a broken heart and a contrite spirit”?
How could the penitent Lamanites have been baptized with fire and the Holy Ghost and “knew it not”?
What does it mean to come to Christ like “a little child”?

In Jerusalem, Jesus lamented the people who chose not to come to him using a metaphor. He described Himself as a mother hen and us as her baby chicks:

34 O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, which killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her wings, and ye would not!

-Luke 13:34

How is our relationship to Christ like a mother hen and her chicks?
What might happen if a chick chose not to gather when called?
Have you had experiences when you have felt Him gather and nourish you?

When he spoke to the people of the Americas, he applied this metaphor to them also, and expanded it by repeating the metaphor three times, changing the verb tense each time.

4 O ye people of these great cities which have fallen, who are descendants of Jacob, yea, who are of the house of Israel, how oft have I gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and have nourished you.

5 And again, how oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, yea, O ye people of the house of Israel, who have fallen; yea, O ye people of the house of Israel, ye that dwell at Jerusalem, as ye that have fallen; yea, how oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens, and ye would not.

6 O ye house of Israel whom I have spared, how oft will I gather you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, if ye will repent and return unto me with full purpose of heart.

-3 Nephi 10:4-6

How does adding that Christ has gathered us in the past, and that he will gather us in the future, add to the meaning of this metaphor?

Brigham Young University professor Jane Allis-Pike discussed the feminine, motherly imagery in this metaphor Christ uses to describe Himself.

Christ has specific qualities normally existing only in the purview of women and mothers… Just as the mother hen literally uses her body to protect her chick’s life, Christ literally uses his body to protect his children from spiritual destruction.”

-Sister Jane Allis-Pike, Professor of Ancient Scripture, Brigham Young University, 2008

This is one of many scriptures wherein Christ uses motherly imagery to refer to Himself. Here is another example:

For thus saith the Lord, Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river, and the glory of the Gentiles like a flowing stream: then shall ye suck, ye shall be borne upon her sides, and be dandled upon her knees. As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you; and ye shall be comforted in Jerusalem.

-Isaiah 66:12-13

Fourteenth Century theologian Julian of Norwich wrote:

The mother may give her child suck of her milk, but our precious Mother, Jesus, He may feed us with Himself, and doeth it, full courteously and full tenderly, with the Blessed Sacrament that is precious food of my life; and with all the sweet Sacraments He sustaineth us full mercifully and graciously. …The Mother may lay the child tenderly to her breast, but our tender Mother, Jesus, He may homely lead us into His blessed breast, by His sweet open side, and shew therein part of the Godhead and the joys of Heaven, with spiritual sureness of endless bliss.

-Julian of Norwich, Revelations of Divine Love, 1373

How is Christ like a mother?
How can we emulate Christ’s motherly qualities?


Coming to Christ “One by One”

There were about 2,500 people gathered in Bountiful when Jesus Christ appeared (3 Nephi 17:25). Despite this large number, the Savior invited them each “one by one” to feel the nail prints in His hands and feet.

13 And it came to pass that the Lord spake unto them saying:

14 Arise and come forth unto me, that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the God of Israel, and the God of the whole dearth, and have been slain for the sins of the world.

15 And it came to pass that the multitude went forth, and thrust their hands into his side, and did feel the prints of the nails in his hands and in his feet; and this they did do, going forth one by one until they had all gone forth, and did see with their eyes and did feel with their hands, and did know of a surety and did bear record, that it was he, of whom it was written by the prophets, that should come.

16 And when they had all gone forth and had witnessed for themselves, they did cry out with one accord, saying:

17 Hosanna! Blessed be the name of the Most High God! And they did fall down at the feet of Jesus, and did worship him

-3 Nephi 11:13-17

In what ways does the Savior invite us to “arise and come forth unto” Him “one by one”?
How can we develop a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?
How can we facilitate personal experiences with Christ for the people we serve in our families and church callings?

If They Can Learn to Say Tchaikovsky

[image error]Last week during the United States Democrats’ National Convention, I practiced all week, “Comma’ + ‘La’= Kamala. Kamala, Kamala, Kamala.” I hadn’t realized during the primaries, even as she was one of my top picks, that I was saying Senator Harris’ name wrong.

I have seen women and men confidently correct a new acquaintance when their name is said incorrectly. It can be tricky to make that correction though, and in interviews, I have seen Senator Harris mention that she doesn’t mind when people mispronounce her name because it has happened all her life. I know some people do care.

My college friend, Siobhan, was told by her mom to just figure out how someone new was going to say her name so that she could remember to answer to it. That is a lot of emotional labor to put on a teenage kid.

So, I particularly loved this vignette by the actress, Uzoamaka Nwanneka Aduba, that popped up on YouTube for me one day. 

If you’re not at a place where you can watch this, Uzo tells her mom when she is in middle school that she would like to be called “Zoey.” And, her mom says, “If they can learn to say Tchaikovsky and Michelangelo and Dostoyevsky they can learn to say Uzoamaka.”

The names people are given and the names they choose matter. As I enter a new school year and this new COVID-19 world, this was a helpful reminder for me. 

Do you have a name that people mispronounce? Do you have a hard time getting some people’s names right? How do you deal with that?

Article: Catholic Women Still Don’t Have Suffrage In Their Church

 

What many still do not realize is that making women truly equal in the church is about more than ordaining women. It’s about acknowledging that people of all genders are equal in the eyes of God, an acknowledgment that is essential for women to achieve enfranchisement and access to freedom and authority in their church. And if a church as large, powerful and influential as the Catholic Church says women deserve equal power, it would have an untold impact in countries, cultures and societies that treat women and other gender minorities as inferior.

Black and queer women suffragists understood well how crucial direct power and equality are. Any celebration of women heroes of the 19th Amendment must acknowledge the racism of many of its key leaders, like Susan B. Anthony and Alice Paul, who were willing to silence and erase Black women in order to move forward their suffragist agenda.

The word “suffrage” comes from the Latin word for judgement or vote. In antiquated English, it also means a series of intercessory prayers. Today, Catholic women are embracing this dual meeting and aiming the suffragists’ “Votes for Women” campaign directly at the Vatican.

READ THE ENTIRE ARTICLE HERE- it’s worth it!!

 

 

Guest Post: Our “Go Set a Watchman” moment

[image error]

By Mindy Farmer

Are white Gen Xers and Millenials having our Go Set a Watchman moment?

Have some of the very people who taught us integrity and morality–who helped shape our essential views on justice, love, and fairness–suddenly revealed their flaws through elections, ignorance, and clear racism and/or bigotry? Are we struggling because the people we held up as super-human idols of integrity are now crumbling under the weight of our hero-worship? Do we now have to decide if those ideals can stand on their own–if we can stand on our own? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you are experiencing a Go Set a Watchman moment.

Atticus: Hero

Many of us grew up with Atticus Finch as an American hero. We learned–alongside Finch’s daughter Scout–about courage, conviction, and doing what is right despite the consequences. Atticus taught us to fight with our heads instead of guns, to see the kindness in others, and to look past our prejudices.

He famously taught us, “Real courage is when you know you’re licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what” and we left high school English classes emboldened by his words, certain we understood how to better fight injustice.

Universal Studios took this ideal character from To Kill a Mockingbird and embodied him in the strong, handsome, white-knight form of Gregory Peck. We couldn’t resist idolizing him just like Scout and holding Atticus up as a model of integrity. Then, Harper Collins disrupted this comfortable, classic image of virtue with the 2015 release of Go Set a Watchman.

Atticus: Human

In the highly-anticipated and highly-debated Go Set a Watchman, Scout–now going by her given name Jean Louise–is an adult living in New York and embracing the ideals learned in her youth. She returns to the South to visit her aging father and he disrupts her perfect image of him by revealing a startling humanity. Atticus is glaringly flawed, racist, and a participant in a a flawed, unjust, cruel system. And this revelation shatters Jean Louise and many of Harper Lee’s readers.

I felt it so deeply and painfully when Jean Louise looks at her fellow churchgoers, who she discovers are also Klu Klux Klan members, and asks, “Why doesn’t their flesh creep? How can they devoutly believe everything they hear in church and then say the things they do and listen to the things they hear without throwing up? I thought I was a Christian but I’m not. I’m something else and I don’t know what.”

And I felt like my heart might burst when Uncle Jack told her of her flawed hero-worship of her father, “As you grew up, when you were grown, totally unknown to yourself, you confused your father with God. You never saw him as a man with a man’s heart, and a man’s failings.”

This confusion, anger, and hurt is most likely familiar to many white Gen Xers and Millenials who are facing the flawed realities of many heroes in the wake of Donald Trump’s election. Many of us fooled ourselves into believing we were “woke” and that “race relations” in the US were improving. We believed that being Atticus Finches would better the world. Like Scout, we’re discovering that we need to change where and how we set our own moral compasses.

What White Readers Overlooked

Go Set a Watchman received a high level of criticism separate from the treatment of its beloved main character. Critics pointed out a plodding plot, poor writing, and cliches. These are valid points, but I think many could not look past the deterioration of a central character who gave us hope and who many white readers could dream of imitating.

A July 2015 article in The New Republic claims, however, that “These Scholars Have Been Pointing Out Atticus Finch’s Racism for Years.” There is an important body of work that discusses racism within To Kill a Mockingbird. The article quotes Katie Rose Guest Pryal, a novelist and former law professor, who says that a closer look at the book reveals Finch’s lack of empathy and the focus on Atticus as the central protagonist, rather than Tom Robinson. The article explains:

“She points out that Atticus’s defense of Tom Robinson, a black character accused of rape, is not about understanding Tom Robinson: ‘Neither the jury nor the audience of the novel have learned anything about Tom: where he lives, what his family is like, how he treats his wife and children and others in his daily life.’ His defense of Tom relies instead on convincing them that he, Atticus, is honorable. By playing to white prejudices in a system that consistently benefits whites, his strategy does nothing to ‘disturb America’s racial caste system.’”

The article also quotes Angela Shaw-Thornburg, a literature professor at South Carolina State University, who discusses Atticus’s “paternalistic and downright accommodationist approach to justice.”

With these criticisms in mind, along with a questioning of the relevance of To Kill a Mockingbird in contemporary classrooms, readers may view the “revelations” about Atticus Finch in Go Set a Watchman in a new way.

Jean Louise Stands On Her Own

While the literary merits of Go Set a Watchman may be debatable, Jean Louise’s experience of having hero’s painful, flawed self revealed moved me tremendously. For most of her life, she looked to Atticus as an example of how to think, behave, and believe. When he is revealed to have prejudices and flaws, Jean Louise feels anchor-less and betrayed. She declares,

““I need a watchman to tell me this is what a man says but this is what he means, to draw a line down the middle and say here is this justice and there is that justice and make me understand the difference.”

Uncle Jack responds, ““Every man’s island, Jean Louise, every man’s watchman, is his conscience. There is no such thing as a collective conscious.” With this, he challenges Jean Louise to be her own guide and conscience; to be the watchman of her own convictions, even if they conflict with people she loves or she thought should guide her actions.

Becoming Our Own Watchmen

Go Set a Watchman holds a place on my bookshelf because it reminds me that I am responsible for taking the lessons of courage, integrity, justice, and faith I learned in my youth and applying them in my own life. If they are good and true, they can stand alone separate from imperfect people or heroes I’ve leaned on for far to long to be my watchmen.

How do we reconcile conflicts between the heroes we construct of people and the reality of their flawed selves? We move forward with courage and a willingness to let go of comfortable idols and instead challenge ourselves by reading, listening, taking action, and speaking up in ways that are new, uncomfortable, isolating, and even scary.

Resources for Learning About Racism

Resources for Learning About Anti-Racism

This document “Anti-Racism Resources” is “intended to serve as a resource to white people and parents to deepen our anti-racism work. If you haven’t engaged in anti-racism work in the past, start now. Feel free to circulate this document on social media and with your friends, family, and colleagues.”

Mindy is a quirky book lover, writer, teacher, feminist, vintage-hat wearer, mom of four, 40-something, who loves a great conversation; written or otherwise.

Sacred Music Sunday: I Will Sing the Wondrous Story #CopingWithCOVID19

[image error]treble clef staff with music notes – public domain

I’ve really missed going to church. There’s something about being physically present in the same space as other people that can’t be replicated over Zoom. A couple of months ago when my state’s stay at home order was lifted, I visited a local church that was holding services. It was so healing to be able to gather in the name of Jesus with others. I’m the only practicing Christian in my household, so there had been no one to gather with. My ward is starting back up in a few weeks, and I’m grateful. We won’t be singing, at least at first, so it won’t be the full experience, but it will be something.

I’ve missed singing. It’s a truly worshipful experience for me. “I will sing the wondrous story of the Christ who died for me.” But singing along to a YouTube video isn’t the same as singing with others. “Sing it with the saints in glory, gathered by the crystal sea.”

Until I can sing with the saints with my voice, I’ll sing with my heart. And when I’m alone in my car I’ll sing along to the radio. And if I’m singing along to the radio, chances are pretty good that someone else is singing along to the radio in their car, too, so we’ll be singing together, apart.

And if you sing along to today’s hymn, someone else will probably be singing at the same time. Exponent II sing-along, Corona-style!

No One Cares About Moms

I’ve only been a mom for 18 years, but this year has been the hardest yet. I thought the sleepless baby years, a muddle of pregnancies, leaking breasts, and endless diapers would be the hardest. Then, the teenage years hit and I thought the late nights, power struggles, and disrespect would be the hardest. This past year I had a child suddenly withdraw from home life, and leave high school, and that was the hardest. And then there was this pandemic, which was also the hardest. It magnified all the parts of my life that weren’t working.

I suddenly had to oversee the remote education of kids from preschool up through high school – completely on my own. It was just expected. Most of my mom friends were in the same boat. I realized again that I had too many kids. By that, I mean I can’t care for each of them the way I’d like to. The sheer exhaustion of trying to keep track of what each child is supposed to be doing for school was overwhelming. Their mental and social needs also grew. Add to that the emptiness I am running on. I am the mom that loves to send her kids to school each fall, to have another adult who is helping love and teach them. I love teachers. They do so much for our kids. Sometimes I have idyllic images in my head of how great it would be to homeschool my own children, but I don’t think I could ever do it. I’ve rarely had a moment to myself since March, when quarantine hit. Sure, I steal some time to take a walk, to keep my sanity. But I feel a weight grow with each step back toward my house. The mantle of the never-ending demands of motherhood.

I can’t help but feel I was lied to. I believed what I was told about motherhood being the highest and holiest calling I could aspire to, that it was revered. The truth is, no one really cares about mothers. They might give lip service to you once a year and say how great it is that you are so self-sacrificing, but the truth is that you are self-sacrificing because everyone expects it of you. If you want to do something for yourself, you are selfish. If your child is willful, it is your duty to break them to society’s expectations. You might have to fight tooth and nail to get your child to bathe or comb their hair or brush their teeth. But if they go out in mismatched socks, you will still be judged. If they end up with something like depression or special needs, you will likely be blamed. The mom is supposed to be everything to every child. You must anticipate their needs and help them see and develop their gifts, and encourage them to go out and take the world by storm. Your child should play a musical instrument, a sport, have a hobby, and friend. And if you are a Mormon mom, you should have many of these accomplished, well-polished, and socially acceptable children. Here’s another truth. Your child will have ideas all their own. When they are 3 they will be sure that a bathing suit is the perfect outfit for a wintry December grocery store trip. They will think you are trying to feed them poison and you are the worst cook in the world. When they are 12 they will have several antiperspirants sitting on their dresser, but never remember to use them. They will think it is fine to wear the same shirt and underwear every day. When they are 15 they will think you don’t know anything about the world and you are the only parent who has all these rules and chores. You will step on legos in the middle of the night while cleaning up vomit. Your children will likely hate you at many times throughout a given day. They do not want to be a reflection of you and you will have to unlearn that they are supposed to be. It is hard and thankless work to raise children, even in the best of times.

When there is a pandemic, you will be reminded that all of this is your responsibility alone. At least that is the case for many women. Somehow we are expected to carry the slack when the world’s routine is interrupted. If you can’t remember the last time you slept through the night, no one cares. They will tell you to ‘take better care of yourself’. As if you weren’t doing everything you possibly can. Being stuck at home will make your children feel like caged wild beasts. They will want only to be on screens, but you know that rots their brains so you will try to get them to use their toys and imaginations, to play outside, to read books, or to use the art supplies you carefully stocked up. They will mostly complain about how unfair you are, how annoying their siblings are, and how ‘everyone else’ gets to go out and have fun.

With the return of school approaching, I have been heartsick about the schooling options. Do I choose to borrow chrome books and start up again with school at home because I value the health of my family and community? Or do I send them to in-person school amidst the teeming masses, surrounded by people who believe the pandemic is a hoax? No option feels completely safe and all seem to have heavy consequences. Social and mental health concerns are real. The unknown dangers of a new virus can be overwhelming. Will schools be shut down again? Will my asthmatic children get it? Will it be a bad case? Will any of us have heart or lung damage? Will we able to afford medical care if we need it?

[image error]

This mom feels like she is dying slowly every day. Years of fighting depression do nothing when life is so overwhelming. My goal of going back to school or work feels like wisps of smoke or a fading dream. Regular workouts at the gym to cope with my anxiety have been out of the question, and I am back to just surviving day to day. Washing laundry, grocery shopping, preparing meals, cleaning, these are old hat. Now add on gathering masks for all the family members, policing hand washing, reminding children not to share drinks or blow in each other’s faces. Every small weight feels impossibly heavier this year. The pain of a loveless marriage feels suffocating when there is nowhere else to go. I have tried to schedule distanced meetups with friends in the park. A few have been successful, but it is not nearly enough for me. I still end up feeling alone. I don’t know how to respond at those few times people do reach out. I am afraid I will suck them into an endless whirlpool of need. Is there something wrong with me that I can never feel connected and a part of the world? Why do I always feel shut out and like I am treading water or buried at the bottom of an ocean? Why don’t I feel like I remember who I am?

Yes, mothering can be good. You will live for the tender moments that are few and far between. You will thrill at their small accomplishments and glow in their fleeting hugs. But you may also find yourself utterly and completely alone. You might find yourself out of your depths and not know how to get back to land. You might wonder what help anyone could possibly give if you could even manage to form words about what you need.

If we really valued motherhood, how would day to day life look different? How would we keep moms from becoming completely depleted by their parenting duties? How would we pull together in crisis times like this pandemic? What would a stimulus package to support moms look like? What other differences would we see if we valued care taking and women’s work? If you can articulate what help you need, what do you say?

Guest Post: My Experience as a Caribbean Latter-Day Saint in Utah

[image error]

By Ramona Morris

  I didn’t hear what I thought I heard.

I had to be hearing things

This didn’t make sense.

Even know as I write this article, two years after being called the “n” word for the first time, I still find myself making countless excuses for someone’s else ignorance and flat out racism.

In the fall of 2018, following the death of my grandmother, I packed up my life into two suitcases and flew to Idaho to be near to my adopted second mom (the mom of one of my first missionaries). As an avid traveler, I was pumped yet saddened for the adventure that lay ahead.

As a caretaker for my grandmother who suffered with dementia during my early twenties, this trip signaled more than just an unconventional grieving process, but also meant that for the first time in almost six years since dropping out of college, I was actually doing something for myself.

Still grieving heavily, I found it difficult to talk to those who loved me most. Despite this, I found Idaho refreshing. My mom Jolyn and I would spend our time going to Costco or to the temple. When I recognized early on that no one looked like me, we would play how many persons of color we saw that day.

A few days in, Jolyn and I drove to Utah and in the parking lot of a tiny Snowville gas station, my friend Anna and I hugged after reuniting for the first time she left the mission field in the Barbados Bridgetown mission.

I began to feel like a fish-out-of-water almost immediately. No less than ten minutes into our drive, Anna’s roommate began making fun of my accent. It might have seemed funny but as a proud island Barbadian girl who lived in the Caribbean who was proud of the person she was, I remember crying that night feeling judged and out-of-place.

Still, I painted a happy face on. I became an expert at this. I tried to smile when someone asked me if I came to Utah by boat. But what happened next surprised even me.

A few weeks in, my friend invited me to an event where a group of guys in passing referred to me as the “n”word. It felt like someone had poured cold water all over me. Not wanting to rock the boat, I tried but failed to plaster a smile onto my face so that my friend could enjoy the event.

What happened in the weeks following derailed my experiences in Utah. I began to question friendships. I began to tear myself apart and have massive panic attacks. I spoke even less to friends. When I saw a group chat describing the details of my trips from missionaries who had served where I lived, I wanted nothing more than to go home. Everyone had made Utah out to be the celestial kingdom and here I was feeling like gum under someone’s shoe.

Eventually, I found that friendship from those who stepped in when I was struggling most was all that mattered. I chose to move on from that difficult event to speak out more about the things that often get pushed under the rug.

The things those guys said don’t define me as a person. I am still me. I am still Ramona Morris. I am still Momo and even the Sassy Day Saint. That hateful word has no power over me.

Ramona Morris is a sassy-day saint from the small Caribbean island of Barbados. In her almost four years as a member, she’s dealt with the good, bad, and in-between of being a convert to the church. Her goal is to live the gospel as sassily as she can.

Exponent II Magazine Seeking New Editor-in-Chief

[image error]

We at Exponent II are seeking a new Editor in Chief for our quarterly magazine, which shares the voices of women and gender minorities across the Mormon spectrum. The magazine publishes personal narratives, theological essays, fiction, poetry, and art. Exponent II seeks an Editor in Chief who has a vision for growing and evolving the magazine, and who will commit to realizing that vision over the next few years.

The magazine has a long and storied history. It was created in the 1970s when a group of Mormon women in Boston discovered the existence of the “Woman’s Exponent”, a publication of the LDS Relief Society from 1874 until 1914. The Boston-based group revived the concept and began the publication of a periodical that has been sustained for the past ~45 years.

The new Editor in Chief will spend a few months shadowing the outgoing Editor in Chief, Margaret Olsen Hemming, before taking on full responsibility in Spring 2021. See here for more details about the position and its requirements.

To apply for the Editor in Chief position, please send a cover letter and CV by September 15 to board@exponentii.org. The cover letter should include a brief description of your vision and priorities for the magazine.

Exponent’s Church Lesson Plan Archive is Now Searchable

[image error]The Exponent has been writing lesson plans for Relief Society and  Young Women classes since 2006, and now boasts a lesson plan archive of about 500 lesson plans. As you plan your own home church, virtual church, or in-person church lessons, there is a good chance we have a lesson plan covering your topic in our archive. But how do you sift through so much content?

We have recently made it easier for you by adding a Lesson Plan Search Engine to our menu, sidebar (or below on a phone), and site map:

Site Map: Lesson Plans

Oh, and also, right here:

Lesson Plan Search Engine:

[ivory-search]

Go ahead!  Give it a try!

In our lesson plans, Exponent bloggers (and our guests) adapt Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) curricula according to a set of guidelines that were developed by some of the Exponent’s earliest bloggers, with minor adjustments over time from the evolving Exponent community:

Include quotes from women.
Add historical context.
Make the lesson applicable to as many women as possible, not just white, middle-class, stay-at-home mothers with young children.
Give a ‘feminist’ perspective on the lesson.
Avoid games or ‘cute’ activities without a specific learning objective. (Games with a learning objective are welcome.)
Offer a global perspective.
Use inclusive language. (If the text only has male pronouns, change it so that it includes females.)
Be mindful about different levels of orthodoxy. (Choose content that uplifts. Avoid using church lessons as a platform to either defend and propagate problematic teachings or to challenge doctrine. I offer my own examples of how I handle this here: When Teacher and Text Aren’t on the Same Page)

You can learn more about our lesson plan guidelines here: Teaching, No Greater Call: How To Teach Like An Exponent Blogger

We are always looking for new content! As you plan your own lessons for church meetings or at-home Come Follow Me lessons, we encourage you to send us your lesson plans to share with the community.

While lesson plans tend to generate fewer comments than more controversial posts, they are among the most searched for and viewed posts on our site. We often hear from church teachers who are not (yet) Exponent readers but who have found and used our lesson plans. By sharing lesson plans, we can bring intersectional, woman-friendly, uplifting messages directly into LDS church classrooms across the world.

You can submit your lesson plans here:

Submit a Guest Post