A. Adams's Blog, page 7
August 8, 2016
Enough with the False “Idols”
“I’ve taken all I can stand…and I can’t stand no more!” Chunk, “The Goonies.”
If you’re a producer or other small-screen high-roller, trust me, I understand your hustle and your need to take in revenue without shelling too much out for production (scenes, sets, scripts, and skanks)–hell, there’s a reason the cast of the “Jersey Shore” are “fist-pumping” no longer…DTF (due to firing)…shouldn’t have asked for that $100,000 per episode; yeah, they gave it to you, then promptly booted you off the tube. THANK GOD!
And please keep Jwoww and Snooki where all unnecessary things need to be–deep in the recesses of a closet or the attic. They have kids now; they are married in spite of being, for the longest, in whatever the kind of relationship you get in when you have the kid first and tell everyone you’re engaged then the kid turns 1, 2, 3, 15, and you’re still engaged–I don’t know what you call that type of relationship, but ask singer Ciara; she seemed to be an expert on that form of DTR before “Captain Russy” saved the day (ho).
Or since we’re celebrating the Olympics, let’s ask little Boomer Phelps’s mom Nicole Johnson…she’s a gold medal contender in “________ and _______ sitting in a tree…K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First come lust, then comes the baby in the baby carriage, then comes…marriage”?????????
Speaking of marriage, did anyone see that ceremony of crows getting together for the “Love and Hip-Hop Atlanta” Reunion Part I?
I almost died, momentarily refused CPR, and came back to life when the host, who I am going to call the brown sugar Lauren Hutton (BSLH) due to not knowing her name, nor caring too much to find it out since she feels it’s okay to lower her journalistic integrity by interviewing people who judges would question by video feed only for a dollar bill–probably a nice dollar bill, but, hey, it is VH1, so…, and due to her trademark gap, which she should have proverbially used to separate herself from the trash she was interviewing, namely Joseline Hernandez, the Puerto Rican Princesa or princesa de puertorriqueno, said they were in a “secret” location only known by the “L&HH” crew.
This covert operation had to be for the princesa’s safety. *Gasp. We can’t jeopardize our royalty. She must carry on the family name, have heirs–which I will definitely get back to before this post is over–to keep Puerto Rico…uh…uh…puerto rican!
Like you, I didn’t know Puerto Rico had a royal family that wasn’t from Spain–damn, my world history teachers must have dropped the ball on that one.
And that’s how BSLH should have handled “Ms.” Hernandez–like Al Roker did “Speidi” (see where their asses are now) and Matt Lauer (I have no idea why I’m using the “Today Show” as back-to-back references, but go with it) did with Tom Cruise and his “glib” admonishments–with an emphatic “Joselineism”: “Ho, why you here?” when she called her a “blogger,” as if it were a low-classed trade akin to stripping and prostituting (*ahem), which she combated by saying, “No, I’m a journalist. I have a degree in journalism,” and called her “messy” like she was Karlie Redd.
“Ms.” Hernandez chastised BSLH like she (Hernandez) was actually somebody. Somebody who a journalist would bite his/her tongue for–the President…no, scratch that, reporters go HAM on ‘Bama all the time–like she was…like she was…somebody who doesn’t have to do a reality show for not only their livelihood, but their very survival.
Former jailbird (that’s what she is and that’s what you get when you act as if you’re better or above someone else–like your shit don’t stink–labeled) “The Real Housewives of New Jersey”‘s Teresa Guidice put on that same haughty, nose in the air, Queen of Sheba (cat food), eat my crumbs bullshit with “Access Hollywood” last month. Via live video feed–see, VH1, “Access Hollywood” knows how to deal with derelicts–Mrs. Don’t-Drop-the-Soap got mad when hosts asked her about her incarcerated husband–justifiably so–being deported when he gets out the Big House. She called the question rude and told them “how dare they” ask her questions like that–as if she sent over a list of what not to ask her because they were dying to have her on their show because she’s on par with Madonna–Jesus’s mother not the singer–and stormed off from whatever hole in the wall storage room she was taping from.
Media, cable, major networks, ya’ll better wake the hell up! Laptops die; iPads die; cell phones die; desktops can die and also be slow as hell based on Internet connectivity; most, if not all, mobile devices need charging. TVs don’t.
TVs are like the Energizer bunny…they keep going…and going…and going. Make the most of this technology and put programming on that’s worth watching. No one should have stream shows because they’re no “real” and good entertainment on television, aside from the local news–but that’s not how I want to get my kicks…too depressing.
I want my TV… 30-minute sitcoms, soap operas, miniseries, hour-long dramas, game shows, NBC’s Sunday and Monday Night Movie of the Week (NBC, you definitely need to go back to this; I saw your new 2016 Fall lineup, and all that shit is going to get canceled), after-school specials, “The Magic School Bus,” “Lamb Chop’s Play-Along,” “Sesame Street”–in their natural, untampered-with state–on PBS, tv movies, re-runs of “Good Times,””Mama’s Family,” “One Day at a Time,” “The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis,” “I Love Lucy,” “The Cosby Show,” etc. on basic network TV throughout the day and night, so kids can know what they’re missing–and it won’t be Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc.–and question their parents about what they don’t have a three-course meal on the table after they finish their homework; why “Dad/Mom”–or parental figure’s current plaything of the month–doesn’t work or do anything to help around the house; and why they can’t play nicely with the kids in the neighborhood–before the streets lights come on, mind you–without getting harmed.
Stop with that green-screen, CGI shit and ugly cinematics–that’s why people flock to reality shows…it’s the only thing on TV that makes people and their surroundings look real (and that’s why “BFG” bombed at the box office–go back to the basics). Disney Channel, your most popular shows–“That’s So Raven” and “Hannah Montana”–were live-action…go back to it (those shows and tv movies you have on now–as in, the last 5 years–are garbage and you should be ashamed of yourself).
And, the Internet makes it impossible to keep the big “reveals” of reality TV a secret–cat’s already out the bag before the season starts. The Puerto Rican Princesa–who was linked to every Dick (forget Tom and Harry)–wants to say–on the Reunion show–she’s pregnant, again, supposedly by Stevie J. How? When? Again, how? Don’t you have to have a uterus for that to happen? Come on, people. But that’s why people watch: to suspend disbelief, to corroborate what they already heard, read, or saw on the Net, and because there isn’t shit else on television.
Thus, MORE QUALITY PROGRAMMING; NO MORE “REALITY” SHOWS.
Stop making false idols. What happened to the Israelities when they did that and then Moses brought down the 1o Commandments?
I am not spending 40 years in a TV purgatory. I need my salvation now.
Producers and network execs, wake up!
August 5, 2016
Godd****, MTV… Just Go Back to Playing Videos… and Videos Only
MTV is currently playing re-runs of “The Hills”–well, in my time zone it is–then will spend the rest of day playing repeats of “The Dude Perfect Show,” “Ridiculousness” (which pretty much sums up this once beloved MUSIC channel), Nick Cannon’s “Wild’N Out,” “Kingin’ With Tyga” and “Joking Off”–ummm, WTF?!
Video didn’t kill the radio star, because traditional and satellite-based stations are the main non-Internet forums keeping the people up-to-date on what’s hot on the charts, or what could be hot, given enough traction.
Nowadays, if you like a song you heard on the radio, a commercial, in a movie, on a TV show, etc., you run straight to YouTube to see the video–unless it’s a Prince song; the Purple one didn’t play about his copyright.
So, unless you’re famous, or have somehow accumulated a cult following on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, a reality show, etc., no one is going to see your video because all the major music channels–MTV, VH1, and BET–have turned into caricatures of their former selves (note MTV owns it all), playing shitty reality TV shows that are as “real” as the paid non-talents’ on those shows noses, cheeks, lips, jawline, boobs, stomachs, hips, asses, calves…and quality television of days long gone–“Martin,” “Saved by the Bell,” “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” etc.–that networks like TBS and basic stations–3, 5, 10, 13, 24, and 30–were inundated with in the late 90s to early 00s.
My mom used to hate–fittingly so given the moniker–“Everybody Hates Chris”–when it premiered over 11 years ago. She couldn’t understand why I found it so funny. Now…I attempted to flip a re-run of “Chris”–on a constant loop on MTV 2 and FUSE (another cable “music” channel)–that I had seen one too many times in recent weeks (damn, spread them out; who wants to see the same re-run re-ran 5 times in a span of 2 days), and she said…wait for it…PUT IT BACK!
WTF?! MTV, ya’ll have brainwashed my mama into liking a show she previously disdained due to your fucked-up choice of programming. I thank you and spit on your music grave at the same time.
I love, love music, and the only time I listened to it outside of watching videos was in the car on the radio. I don’t download shit. I have the “storage space running out” message on my shits as we speak. I am definitely not paying to take up unnecessary space for one or two songs–a whole album? in the words of the music group Nappy Roots,”aw, naw, hell, naw”–and I found new artists by watching their videos after the ones I liked went off and I waited for them to be played again…that’s how stars are born–through motherf****** happenstance.
I “happened” upon this artist after watching Destiny Child’s video, or saw him/her/them on “Total Request Live,” “106 and Park,” “Rap City,” “BET Hits,” etc., and took a “stance” right then and there to learn more about him/her/them, spreading the word.
Good music–shit that doesn’t mimic the same beat as the previous 10 songs played (or copied from the good songs from back in the day)–can’t be discovered or shared if it doesn’t have a platform.
Yes, MTV has 20 other sub-channels that play music. So! Who watches that shit? Most people are broke–hence the success of Netflix, etc.–and cannot afford to access the music-heavy channels found on pricey cable packages.
People can afford only the “basic” necessities, and thus, the best programming should be available on the basic, affordable cable channels–like MTV, VH1, and BET.
I don’t know about you, but I work, so watching videos at 3:00a.m. is pure “ridiculousness.”
Michael Jordan has been retired for years, but Jordans are still the hottest shoes out there; headphones were big when I was a kid 20 plus odd years ago, but they have made a strong reappearance, especially on the ears of professional athletes; and Hollywood has remade–poorly–every classic that should have been left the hell alone: “Poltergeist,” “Independence Day,” “The Jungle Book,” “Adventures in Babysitting,” “If a Stranger Calls,” “Sparkle,” “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory,” “Superman,” “Batman,” “Roots”…I could go on (and you could, too).
My point is…video didn’t kill the radio star; radio is alive and well; and YouTube didn’t kill the art of the video and shows and networks associated with their viewing…MTV did.
But all can be saved…MTV, since you like throwbacks so much, throw us back to the “M” in your name: the music. That’s all we care about. Get rid of all that tacky, tasteless shit and get back to the music: the videos on a 24-7 loop, the VJs, the music (“breaking”) news reports, making music directors into household names (Hype Williams, anyone?), live performances, live video requests, fans screaming and crying and running to get the song they just heard live…give us our substance back.
Stop being so fucking cheap. Stop giving people like Jenelle Evans of “Teen Mom 2” more incentive not to work and have children by every Tom, Dick, and Harry looking for a quick meal ticket. Stop the madness!
GET BACK TO THE MUSIC AND THE MUSIC ONLY.
July 20, 2016
Single and Secure or Married and Miserable?
Not to say I’m not a tinkle elated for my friends and foes alike on social media when they change their “relationship status” from “single/in a relationship/it’s complicated/engaged” to “married,” but I have to ask, now that you have “paperwork” on said individual, what really has changed?
For the ladies (in some cases, guys), you change your last name or hook his on to yours. If that’s what it is all about–a name change–that could have been done without marrying a sorry sack of shit. I mean, Malcolm X did it, and so did the Greatest: Muhammad Ali. No marriage license needed.
And is a piece of paper going to stop your significant other from checking out other guys and girls (maybe both; some of you are “unaware” that your spouse swings on both branches, which is why you should have thought long and hard before saying “I do”; shit, they “do,” too–to everybody), as well as sexting, facebooking, instagramming, snapchatting, tumblring, tweeting, bdsm-ing…hell, just plain cheating on you?
Answer: NO…really, HELL NO.
If your “relationship” is not where it should be–the communication is there and right; the finances are there and right; the affection and care are there and right; and the lovemaking is right on!–then what’s the point? Just to prove to people that someone wants you; that you made him/her do something the others who came before you couldn’t (that’s because their ass was smart)?
If you let out a long, soul-sucking sigh whenever you pull into your driveway (notice I didn’t say parking space; if you’re married, you should OWN something–if not a house, a condo or townhouse–some kind of dwelling that you can knock out walls and plant 20 apple trees, if it’s your prerogative), or get off work, but don’t find yourself heading home until hours later, or say “damn” anytime your spouse texts or calls your phone (if you prefer not to talk to them, that means you don’t want to hear their voice), then you have fucked up.
It’s not working. You two are not meant to be, and it’s all right; it’s fine. Stop trying to save face because you don’t want to start over again with someone new (or old, if you’re still secretly pining for your astute ex who had the good sense to get away from your incubus-sy/succubus-sy ass), too embarrassed to admit failure, and are super lazy, and thus, too comfortable to make a change–a change that could save your life (misery ages you, which will endanger your health–mental and physical).
So stop taking pictures and posting them on social media like you’re so “happy and cute,” and people stop lying to folks trying to boost their non-existent self-esteem (unless you’re a celebrity, wedding photos–and other personal, intimate moments–are not for the internet; hell, your family and friends should have been at the wedding, so they already have your “flattering” pics; people with a sense of self know this).
I get so tired of seeing unfortunate looking people posting pics of every time they breathe, then they wonder why people gasp–the openmouthed, incredulous kind–when they meet them in person. Because…in the venerable words of Nick Cannon’s “Wild ‘N Out” comics: “Your social media pages be lying; you (ya’ll) ain’t really fine (not even cute). When I finally met you in person, I wished that I was blind. Now Stevie Wonder (Helen Keller) with it. Stevie Wonder (Helen Keller) with it. Stevie Wonder (Helen Keller) with it.”
Stop lying to yourself. Stop lying to others.
The truth will make you free…because divorce is expensive, and separation is a joke…how can you move forward, and look to the future, if you’re still tethered to the past?
TRUTH.
July 10, 2016
July 7, 2016
The War on Hunger
From the GoFundMe Campaign…”Sustenance for Food Deserts”
At one time or another in life–unless you were born into stable financial solvency–we have all been down to our last few dollars and weeks away from our next paycheck (or whatever income type you may receive), wondering how you’re going to feed yourself, let alone an entire family, on less than nothing. Which means you have to resort to buying the lowest, poorest quality food there is. Now what if you had to endure this type of malnurishment/poor access to quality food 365 days a year because you lived in a food desert?
Simply, a food desert is what it sounds like…a dried up, dried out, harsh living area with limited life-sustaining resources. And there are millions of people in the U.S. trying to survive in these food sandpits.
Thus, I am starting this campaign to fund a project to make better food options (as well as educational options) at affordable prices (as low as a quarter; because people have their pride and are not looking for a “hand out” but just a “hand up” to help them make their dreams into reality, even in the smallest of ways) individuals living in food deserts.
If I am able to fund this project, and hopefully expand it across the country if it’s a success locally, through the generosity, care, and compassion of you all, then maybe, just maybe, this will be one more step in ending hunger in the U.S.
Funds will be used for food, supplies, equipment, space (renovations included), etc. to provide quality food to those in want of resources that they are economically and socially denied.
This project could also provide jobs and boost business for Farmers’ Markets and other entities that offer fresh foods.
With more affordable food options, that’s more money in the pocket of the people, which means if I can buy what I need then I don’t have to hustle or do other activities deemed unlawful just to make it through the day.
Too many people have died or are incarcerated because they didn’t (or believed they didn’t) have options…an empty stomach growls louder than a conscience.
My goal is two-fold: combat hunger then homelessness.
Please Google “food deserts” if you want to know more about this dire socio-economic matter.
Thank you.
Help spread the word! Share this. Promote this. Donate to the cause; if you can’t, share this with someone who can.
https://www.gofundme.com/2d6zbjnp
July 2, 2016
Mental Illness is a Motherf*****
If you’ve ever had the misfortune to live with someone who has a mental illness, then you know what it’s like to live your day-to-day as a non-commissioned soldier–always ready for battle for when the “enemy” comes out of your loved one(s).
“I’m tired.” “Get out!” “I can’t take this s*** anymore!” “You need help, can’t you see that?” “Take your meds; I promise they will help.” Phrases spoken in a litany, repetitive as the cycle of insanity they can’t seem to break out of…not even for an hour, let alone a string of uninterrupted days of peaceful bliss, where I:
1. Don’t have to scream at the top of my lungs, prepping myself for the inevitable premature heart attack or aneurysm that will no doubt hit me full force one day, and have my hammer, bat, screwdriver, butcher knife, eye-burning and skin poisoning liquid, sword, taser, and .357 primed for your a**, just in case this is the day that it really “all ends”–because, brother, I have too much stuff I want to do on this Earth that the Good Lord put me here for, and I will be damned if I let you in your substance-abused haze and physically dilapidatedness DECIDE when I meet my Maker;
2. Don’t have to call the police due to the damage you’ve done to my property and your 1000th promise to kill me; it’s a notion when the police is a permanent contact in your phone–listed as one of your “Favorites”–they’re now an intimate;
3. Don’t have to refrain from telling the inept mental health “official” to fuck HIPPA and your “rights” when he/she says that you have to volunteer to be locked down…they can’t do it, even after you just put holes in my shit, splashed shit (literally) on my walls, damaged/dinted my mailbox (don’t know how not being able to properly receive my mail will hurt me, but, hey, I’m not in your fucked-up “Nightmare on Elm Street” psyche), wished all types of Voodoo-hoodoo, bad juju shit on me, and told the police you rather be in the cramped, nasty, mono-gendered, heavily crime-ridden, smelly, money-hungry, mentally, physically–LIFE–damaging prison system than go to a mental health facility that would get you on your meds correctly and help you with your anger and substance abuse issues. But you say, Mr./Ms. Mental Health Worker that this crazy, off his rocker, motherfucker has “rights”?
I have the “right” to sleep without having one eye opened and some form of weapon by my side.
I have the “right” to not have all the locks in the common areas of my house on the outside of the doors, to lock him in in case he starts to “wild out” or plot something to surprise me with behind the closed door.
I have a “right” to not be on a first-name/familiarized face basis with the police when I have never, ever been arrested and do not know or work closely with them.
I have a “right” to not to have windows barred and booby traps–like I’m fucking Data from the “Goonies”–set up in my backyard because you will undoubtly jump my fence if no one will allow you entry.
I have the “right” to not have weird-ass people parked outside my house or calling my phone looking for you, knowing they are just as unscrupulous as you are, and you will no doubt get in an altercation with them–the story of your life–and they want to threaten to do harm to my property and me to retaliate against you–a motherfucker who owns nothing, pays for nothing, and does not live, rather squats because another relative has taken pity on you, at my house.
I have the “right” as a tax payer–I pay a shitload of taxes, trust me–to not be told that a motherfucker who wants to do me, and anyone else that comes in his path, harm has the “right” to not seek help when it is clear he needs it.
Mental illness is a motherfucker. And those in charge of overseeing these individuals and those in charge of making laws for these individuals are motherfuckers who don’t know what the fuck they are doing.
A police officer was killed over a month ago, ran down by a mentally ill individual who had just shot several patrons outside a restaurant and well-known business because he was in the midst of a “fit.”
A mother just recently stabbed her four children, all under the age of 6, to death due to undiagnosed mental illness.
And of course, no one who walks into a nightclub with the intent to kill every person he can in it, people he doesn’t know and have done nothing to harm him, can be called certifiably sane.
These acts are not the firsts and onlys for these individuals. There were precursors. There were signs.
However, when people brought attention to them, somebody said “they have ‘rights’; there’s nothing we can do.”
Politicians, psychologists, Congress, get up off your ass…DO SOMETHING NOW.
Because mental illness is a motherfucker.
June 26, 2016
“Overnight Bestseller”: Ode to A. Adams’s Books and General Book Love
Oh, you didn’t think I could do it again–A. Adams, from querying to publishing, Spirit Falls to P for Possession, oh, baby, we can even make you a bestseller overnight.
Know what I’m saying? Come on…
Why don’t we, write something these dros’d (diehard readers) like. Drive storylines, I know they like. Penguin, you told them right. (I could make you a bestseller overnight). Give you ice, like “Pulitzie” right. We sort of like the “ABA” right. The way, we mode ’em right. (I could make you a bestseller overnight).
Girl, I see you in them pages. Angst flowing, I want to know your name (Marina). Girl, I’m Xander, I could blow your brains. Put you in a hardcover, 0-4 Range. Still sexy, when Devlin got you going insane. Perk you up when you type about how you “throw that thang.” She got him hotter than a sauna with the way that she talk, switching to supernatural, can you imagine the way Sky walks?
You looking good girl, you ought to be on the big screen. Listen to me, I see your career…like a rocket…going high, high, high, high. People taking you home, up with you all night, crying, screaming like Johnny Gill, my-my-my-my.
Walk on the bookstore carpet with pens that glow in the dark. Kicking it on the couch at Harpo Productions, so many people to see you there’s nowhere to park. I can see your radiance on the small screen (CW, Freeform, Syfy, HBO). I can see you on stage at the awards–with a following better than J.K., Stephenie, Stephen, doing big things.
Kick it with me, I can mold your life.You looking good girl, show you right. Scholastic told me you the prototype. I can make you a bestseller overnight.
Why don’t we, write something these dros’d (diehard readers) like. Drive storylines, I know they like. Harlequin, you told them right. (I could make you a bestseller overnight). Give you ice, like “Pulitzie” right. We sort of like the “ABA” right. The way, we mode ’em right. (I could make you a bestseller overnight).
You see, see baby girl (boy). You see how you make a brother (sister) break down. I just got to ask you what you need? What you need from me? Oh, you want to be a star?
You messing with the right one. I can take you there. I can make sure you’ve got all the finest things–a big advance, a tour, mass paperback…let me be your agent. I’ma get you to the MTV Movie awards. We about to do a show tonight (Fallon). You looking good girl, show you right. Take you places I know you like (Barnes and Noble). I could make you a bestseller overnight.
Why don’t we, write something these dros’d (diehard readers) like. Drive storylines, I know they like. Vintage, you told them right. (I could make you a bestseller overnight). Give you ice, like “Pulitzie” right. We sort of like the “ABA” right. The way, we mode ’em right. (I could make you a bestseller overnight).
(Inspired by Twista’s “Overnight Celebrity,” 2004)
Copyrighted, so don’t try to steal it! A. Adams
Buy P for Possession, Spirit Falls, and Back to Spirit by A. Adams
