Single and Secure or Married and Miserable?
Not to say I’m not a tinkle elated for my friends and foes alike on social media when they change their “relationship status” from “single/in a relationship/it’s complicated/engaged” to “married,” but I have to ask, now that you have “paperwork” on said individual, what really has changed?
For the ladies (in some cases, guys), you change your last name or hook his on to yours. If that’s what it is all about–a name change–that could have been done without marrying a sorry sack of shit. I mean, Malcolm X did it, and so did the Greatest: Muhammad Ali. No marriage license needed.
And is a piece of paper going to stop your significant other from checking out other guys and girls (maybe both; some of you are “unaware” that your spouse swings on both branches, which is why you should have thought long and hard before saying “I do”; shit, they “do,” too–to everybody), as well as sexting, facebooking, instagramming, snapchatting, tumblring, tweeting, bdsm-ing…hell, just plain cheating on you?
Answer: NO…really, HELL NO.
If your “relationship” is not where it should be–the communication is there and right; the finances are there and right; the affection and care are there and right; and the lovemaking is right on!–then what’s the point? Just to prove to people that someone wants you; that you made him/her do something the others who came before you couldn’t (that’s because their ass was smart)?
If you let out a long, soul-sucking sigh whenever you pull into your driveway (notice I didn’t say parking space; if you’re married, you should OWN something–if not a house, a condo or townhouse–some kind of dwelling that you can knock out walls and plant 20 apple trees, if it’s your prerogative), or get off work, but don’t find yourself heading home until hours later, or say “damn” anytime your spouse texts or calls your phone (if you prefer not to talk to them, that means you don’t want to hear their voice), then you have fucked up.
It’s not working. You two are not meant to be, and it’s all right; it’s fine. Stop trying to save face because you don’t want to start over again with someone new (or old, if you’re still secretly pining for your astute ex who had the good sense to get away from your incubus-sy/succubus-sy ass), too embarrassed to admit failure, and are super lazy, and thus, too comfortable to make a change–a change that could save your life (misery ages you, which will endanger your health–mental and physical).
So stop taking pictures and posting them on social media like you’re so “happy and cute,” and people stop lying to folks trying to boost their non-existent self-esteem (unless you’re a celebrity, wedding photos–and other personal, intimate moments–are not for the internet; hell, your family and friends should have been at the wedding, so they already have your “flattering” pics; people with a sense of self know this).
I get so tired of seeing unfortunate looking people posting pics of every time they breathe, then they wonder why people gasp–the openmouthed, incredulous kind–when they meet them in person. Because…in the venerable words of Nick Cannon’s “Wild ‘N Out” comics: “Your social media pages be lying; you (ya’ll) ain’t really fine (not even cute). When I finally met you in person, I wished that I was blind. Now Stevie Wonder (Helen Keller) with it. Stevie Wonder (Helen Keller) with it. Stevie Wonder (Helen Keller) with it.”
Stop lying to yourself. Stop lying to others.
The truth will make you free…because divorce is expensive, and separation is a joke…how can you move forward, and look to the future, if you’re still tethered to the past?
TRUTH.
