Pamela Schloesser Canepa's Blog, page 73

W is for Wander. #AtoZChallenge

[image error]

Photo taken in 2016.

Oh to wander

down a long winding path

on a windy day,

with unweighted debris tossed about.

 

Oh to wander,

where we’ll briefly lose our way

I miss these wonders.

My wandering warrior wants out.

 

*I’ve joined the April A to Z Blogger’s Challenge!  Each day this month, I will write something based on the next letter in the alphabet.  It’s been fun so far, yet it has really given me a chance to pause for reflection as well.

Want to know more about the A-Z blog challenge?  Visit http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com

 

Victim and Victor. #AtoZChallenge

[image error]

Photo courtesy of Pixabay.

In departing from the usual format of the AtoZ Blogger’s challenge and therefore, presenting two “V” words, I am writing for those who fight a daily battle.  They struggle with their own nature or issues of depression, anxiety, other various mental illnesses, addiction, self-doubt, obsession, etc.  Sometimes the person is both the victor and the victim.  They are a victim to their illness but emerge a victor every 24 hours that they’re alive to see a new day, wake up sober, or go to bed in their own home because they did not get lost or side-tracked.  Between the victor and the victim, though, one does not always destroy the other, but rather, sometimes they just shake hands at night and say, “We’re done fighting for now.”

Yet, for many, that battle picks right up the next morning.  For others, the battle rages on through the night, despite meds and various med changes.  Many of us suffer these things in one way or another at different degrees.  I get riddled with anxiety at times over things I can’t control or I feel I could have changed, had I done things differently. Sometimes I worry about the future. (If x happens, then I will….) I don’t know what I’ll do in the future, but I hope I’ll do it with love for the person who needs it.   I am fortunate to say that this is not a daily battle, but an occasional occurrence, perhaps when things just pile up for me.

Many of us have loved ones like this who fight that battle daily.  It’s enough to make you want to cry to see them struggle so.  There is a period of mourning.  However, I think there must be a co-existence with their struggle.  There needs to be a time of rejoicing for the victories they have made, like that of simply living and of not giving up.  Yes, it may seem odd to simply rejoice for the fact of a person going on living, except that many of us have almost lost them, a few times too many.  I’ve been helped by participating in online forums with others who fight this battle either with the illness or with accepting the illness in a loved one.  I can’t describe what goes on in my loved one’s mind; it’s not my story to tell.  Only learning to love the reality of who this person has become is.

We all mourned when Carrie Fisher passed away, but she was a victor who went on living for sixty years of life and wrote honestly about her struggle with mental illness and drug abuse.  There are many who have fallen victim to their struggle of the mind, but also, many who have been victorious.  I feel she was truly victorious, and several of her books opened my eyes regarding the struggle with mental illness.

I salute all of the victors who may have their coping mechanisms that seem strange to the rest of us.  We, their loved ones, cannot be victorious over their struggle, only they can.  That is a tough realization.  Especially if you are the parent.  We want to show our kids it will be alright, yet, we can’t guarantee that.  We want to tell them to keep taking their meds and the _______(voices, insomnia, sadness, racing thoughts, etc.) will stop. Sometimes they only subside.  Sometimes they come back.  We may feel a victim at times, but we can only be victorious over our own mindset.  We have to co-exist with their struggle and find our place in it, our purpose to them, and our standing as a co-defendant of the person instead of feeling like another victim of their illness.

I write this in honor of someone I love who fights a daily battle within the mind.  I am constantly working on my mindset and how to best accept the situation while always giving my unconditional love.  I won’t pretend that I know it all;  I’m turning to many places for information and support to learn how to respond to daily pitfalls and things I do not understand.  Sometimes, I know I fall short.

 

**The AtoZ Challenge theme for my blog is “Who I am.” Yes, it’s wide open.  In April, I will blog from A to Z to include little tidbits about me, poems I’ll share, and stories. Each day I will write something based on the next letter in the alphabet.  It’s been fun so far, yet it has really given me a chance to pause for reflection as well.  This topic is closely personal for me.  It has not been a subject of my fiction, yet it colors my characters and situations, no doubt.  It creeps into my blog posts, as well.  It has become a part of my experience.

Want to know more about the A-Z blog challenge?  Visit http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com

P.S. I am currently reading a highly acclaimed book on this subject, titled I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help, written by Dr. Xavier Amador.  I’ve expereienced having to help someone accept their diagnosis.  According to Dr. Amador, lack of insight about one’s illness is suffered by several who have a mental illness.  I am still in the first few chapters, but perhaps I’ll give a more thorough review later.  Check this link for more info.: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0967718929/ref=cm_cr_ryp_prd_ttl_sol_4

 

 

U is for Underdog. #AtoZChallenge

[image error]

Beware the underdog

Who is simply a wolf

In the clothes of the last sheep

He roughed up.

#AtoZChallenge I am blogging for every letter of the alphabet in the month of April. Each post will tell you a little something about me. This one is a free verse poem that is a spin on the old proverb and speaks as to some of my experiences.  I have long befriended the underdog.  Still, when the underdog becomes king of the hill simply due to his victim story, don’t be the one who put him there.  Especially if he stepped on you to get there.  Was it his main aim to simply be king?  Then he’s not too concerned with the other underdogs, and there are plenty in this world.  Nothing original in these thoughts here; it’s a story as old as time itself.  Steeped in metaphors.

Each day I will write something based on the next letter in the alphabet.  It’s been fun so far, yet it has really given me a chance to pause for reflection as well.

Want to know more about the A-Z blog challenge?  Visit http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com

 

T is for Tree. #AtoZChallenge

[image error]

T is for Tree, a poem by Pamela Schloesser Canepa, (c) 2017.

The wind rustles through

The branches of a tree,

As if I hear a voice

Calling to me.

You sent your message,

A whisper on the wind

Telling me that all is well,

And I may begin again.

**This post is part of my A to Z Blogger’s Challenge. My theme is “about me.” Not too difficult, right? This post reflects a peaceful walk after a hectic day that included, among other things, a fire in the oven that required the fire extinguisher. No joke! Let’s start over anew tomorrow, please.

Each day I will write something based on the next letter in the alphabet.  It’s been fun so far, yet it has really given me a chance to pause for reflection as well.

Want to know more about the A-Z blog challenge?  Visit http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com

S is for San Junipero. #AtoZChallenge

[image error]

Imagine yourself in a beautiful vacation beach town.  Photo taken in 2015.

I love to watch speculative and sci-fi fiction, things which also start with “S” and are quite fitting for this post.  San Junipero was an episode of Black Mirror, a show that covers possibilities in technology in the near future and is usually very dark and sardonic.  This particular episode covered what may transpire in a person’s end of life, and it had me crying at the end.  At the start of the episode, I didn’t even see what it had to do with modern or future technology.  The characters were at a vacation town in the 1980s, after all.  Boy, there was much more beneath the surface.

This episode reminded me of a senior woman from my church that I visit occasionally.  She is in assisted living.  Sometimes her mind doesn’t seem like it is in the present.  But I can say, she is well taken care of where she is, and always seems to find a smile at some point.  If I see her and her mind is in the past, there is always the possibility she is simply reliving a happier time.  How exactly that ties in with the episode I won’t explain in detail, but these visits also make me think a lot about the phases of one’s life.  After all, everything has a beginning and an end.  The end can be quick or can take a while.  Most important is the quality of life and having your mind in a grateful mindset.  I am in awe of her ability to conjure a smile even when she seems tired.

San Junipero is about two friends seeking happiness.  I should not spoil it for you, but yes, it made me bawl and it gave me happy goose bumps.

Which brings me to this quote of a song that borrows from a Bible passage:

“To everything there is a season,…

and a time to every purpose under heaven.”

What does the Bible have to do with speculative fiction?  I like to ponder things that some consider impossible, for example, the resurrection.  I believe there are so many possibilities of what the afterlife may be like; I also believe time is fluid.  I tend to stay very busy, but if it was time to rest, I hope I’d simply enjoy the passing hours the best I could.  I also hope,  when my body is no longer capable of keeping up, that my mind will delight me or at least take me to interesting places.

**The AtoZ Challenge theme for my blog is “Who I am.” Yes, it’s wide open.  In April, I will blog from A to Z to include little tidbits about me, poems I’ll share, and stories. Each day I will write something based on the next letter in the alphabet.  It’s been fun so far, yet it has really given me a chance to pause for reflection as well.

Want to know more about the A-Z blog challenge?  Visit http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com

R is for Rebel (v.) #AtoZChallenge

 

[image error]

I silently rebel.  But rebel, I will.  (In simple Yoda speak).  Every morning, instead of going to work early, I am pushing the minutes and on the computer either blogging, social networking, or writing in Word.  Writing is one way I speak up, albeit wrapped in metaphors.  There are always several things I could be doing, and sometimes I metaphorically put up the middle finger and say, “Leave me alone.  I’m writing.”

My son has, at times, not spoken to me in rebellion.  Perhaps I am rebelling against the grief one has when a family member changes so drastically.  We have been through a lot in the last three years.

But another element I am rebelling against is growing older.  I’m in my late fifties and I still wear blue jeans, graphic tees, and sometimes, hoop earrings.  I wear sneakers more often than any other type of shoe these days.  And I have taken to, *gasp*, reading fanfiction!  It’s fun, when I need a break from anything serious in life.

So, I suppose my form of rebelling is for a totally different reason than the rebellion of our beloved teenagers in this world.  Or is it perhaps, much the same?  Aren’t we rebelling against societal expectations?

As arthritis slows me down and sometimes makes me think twice, there are those days when I am typing for a few hours straight. I may be in my pajamas until noon on those days.  There are those other days when I take hiking walks for a few miles with the dog and my son.  Inertia may be one thing I just have to rebel against, for it will take over if I let it.  If I am in my jammies until noon, trust me, I have been reading something or writing, I did not just do nothing!

Sometimes I joke about approaching fifty.  Why not?  It’s more fun if we laugh at ourselves.  There’s the sad tone from one of T.S. Eliot’s poems: “I grow old, I grow old, I shall wear my trousers rolled….”  When I utter this line, I feel I am being humorous, ironically.

But here’s the one I really mean, the one that truly inspires me, by Dylan Thomas:

“Do not go gently into that great night….

Rage!  Rage against the dying of the light!” 

Which one would you rather chant as your growing-old mantra?

**The AtoZ Challenge theme for my blog is “Who I am.” Yes, it’s wide open.  In April, I will blog from A to Z to include little tidbits about me, poems I’ll share, and stories. Each day I will write something based on the next letter in the alphabet.  It’s been fun so far, yet it has really given me a chance to pause for reflection as well.

Want to know more about the A-Z blog challenge?  Visit http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com

Q is for Queue. #AtoZChallenge

I’m tired, and I’ve got so much going on. So, let’s depart from my usual post, and I’ll share with you my recent music queue.

Coldplay -Paradise

Moby -18 or

Moby -Hotels

Mumford and Sons -That album w/ Lionheart

The Lumineers -Ophelia, Angela, or Cleopatra

Ed Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes -Home. *I mostly pull this one up on YouTube when I’m at home. I can’t take my eyes off the lead singer and the love in his eyes for his music, or his leading lady, or his life which looks like one huge Kumbaya fest, just with better music. By the way, I think I’m overdue for a Kumbaya fest. You know, an all day music festival where no work is allowed, ALL DAY. Well, maybe not this month.

P is for Photographs. #AtoZChallenge

 

Photos of my son and me, from 1996 to 2008.

This nostalgic interlude is brought to you by my son’s 21st birthday.  While I am unsure if he’d want me to plaster recent photos of him across the internet, I feel it’s safe to post photos of him from when he was practically another person, a child.  Now, he is a young adult, and today is his 21st birthday, so as a mom, I reserve the right to wax nostalgic.  While it wasn’t always easy, there are some wonderful memories here.

Happy birthday to my son!  May there be many more!  Love, Mom

**The AtoZ Challenge theme for my blog is “Who I am.” Yes, it’s wide open.  In April, I will blog from A to Z to include little tidbits about me, poems I’ll share, and stories. Each day I will write something based on the next letter in the alphabet.  It’s been fun so far, yet it has really given me a chance to pause for reflection as well.

Want to know more about the A-Z blog challenge?  Visit http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com

O is for Ocean. #AtoZChallenge

[image error]

*I own the rights to this photo.

This photo was taken in April of 2015.  My son walks on the beach with a bird flittering behind him.  He has had a wonderful love and curiosity of birds through childhood.  I have many pictures documenting that!  The ocean has been a common ground for us, even through his tumultuous teens.  It has always been a place of peace.  We spent a day at the beach on this particular weekend surrounding his 19th birthday.  While most teens might prefer partying with their friends, he is a quiet fellow, and he loved this.

[image error]  Digging on a beach in St. Petersburg, Fla. 2007. Note the chubby cheeks of childhood. 

N is for Norrie. #AtoZChallenge (Ebook free 4/17 and 4/18)!

[image error]

Monday. Photo courtesy of Canva.com.

Norrie is a main character in one of my sci-fi novellas.  We saw her grow up in Made for Me, a sci-fi romance, and now, she is a star of its sequel, the sci-fi coming of age novella, Seeing Through Sampson’s Eyes.  Norrie is now twenty-two years old and is a Master’s student of Ethics in Robotics.

Norrie was a character created out of my desire to dream and escape.  In fact, she is everything I wish I was in my early twenties!  In this novella, there is much she sees about society that she wishes to change, particularly, humankind’s technological advances and treatment of a new type of earthly citizen (or non-citizen), and she takes steps to do so.  There is also a little bit of romance in this novella, but don’t be fooled.  This is not a romance, it is about Norrie exploring who she is.

I invite you to view my interview with this main character at https://pamelascanepa.wordpress.com/2016/11/27/rrbc-sci-fi-amwriting-an-interview-with-my-main-character-norrie/

Here is an excerpt:

When asked, What are you most passionate about?  Norrie answers:

I believe man has to be responsible to his creations.  If you create something to be just like you, then you should not treat it like dirt on your shoe.  Similar to the cruelty against animals clause.  They are another living thing and deserve the good treatment you’d want for yourself if they were the ones holding the leash. Some would argue a creation of man is his to do with as he pleases. Well, not when you are using living DNA.

You may view a preview or purchase Seeing Through Sampson’s Eyes at the link above for Kindle and K.U. download or in paperback.  In fact, I believe in Norrie and want to share her with the world so much, and she is going to show up later in some of my future books, so I am offering this ebook for free download today and tomorrow to coincide with this post!  Just hit the buy link above, which is http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01GNNCHHQ.  If you like it, please follow me on Amazon, for there is much more to come, and won’t you please leave a review as well?

*Please note:  This is second in the series, but can read well on its own as well.

Thank you for stopping by!

**The AtoZ Challenge theme for my blog is “Who I am.” Yes, it’s wide open.  In April, I will blog from A to Z to include little tidbits about me, poems I’ll share, and stories. Each day I will write something based on the next letter in the alphabet.  It’s been fun so far, yet it has really given me a chance to pause for reflection as well.

Want to know more about the A-Z blog challenge?  Visit http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com