Helene Lerner's Blog, page 207

Moving Forward In March

[image error] 2012 is moving on at a fast pace and the first quarter will soon be over. Many are still talking about how hard things are and about a lack of opportunity. At the same time, some are dealing with whatever their circumstances might be, adjusting, becoming more flexible and looking for opportunities...and finding them.

The more people who talk about hard times and lack of opportunity means less people are taking action and exploiting the opportunities around all of us. That can be good for you. It's all about mindset and initiative, but of course, inititiative comes from mindset. 

I will be your career coach for March and will be sharing with you from my 20+ years of experience as a former psychotherapist turned consultant/executive coach/trainer and speaker. 

I welcome your comments and questions here on this blog, on the discussion forum or on LinkedIn. Together, we can move forward, think bigger, love more and be more. 

If you have a topic concerning career or life you would like me to address, I welcome your ideas and suggestions. 

Alan Allard

http://www.alanallard.com 

Wear your tiara with pride

Trust me on this: you must wear your tiara with pride!

I just returned from a weekend at Disney in Orlando, where I and about 20,000 others ran the Princess Half Marathon...we had a royally lovely time! Much of the fun was being with girlfriends, enjoying the royal treatment and connecting with other women also enjoying the weekend of play. (Well, the run itself was work, but surrounded by hours of play!)

Beginning with the flight out to Orlando, we (Mary, myself and Wendy in the photo below) wore tiaras all day Friday: what a conversation starter! Little girls knew by the tiara colors which Disney Princess we each represented, while many of their moms were heading for the race as well. [image error]Strangers — curious at first then smiling with just a bit of delight — gave us hearty "Good Luck" wishes. Few people who looked at us failed to begin a conversation: we were being genuine in our desire to have a wonderful weekend...tiaras and all...and it was a very attractive aura.

Message:

          Being genuine is engaging and so much easier than trying to be someone else!

     We can carve all kinds of lessons from this experience, and I expect that just reading about the highlights may enable you to do the same. We all doubt ourselves. We all think—at one time or another—we're not good enough as we are. We all worry that if we're authentic we may not "fit" and we make up stories about how bad that could be. We think that if we're our real selves, people won't like us. We're taught not to be prideful, not to brag, and often to wait to be picked rather than to stand in our own powerful presence.

     The most deeply cherished words I have are from Marianne Williamson:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves: Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you...As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

     My last message to you as your February Career Coach is to put on your tiara, step into the light and shine. Let the world know who you are and what you have to offer; where you can make a difference and why that matters. Put Marianne's words on a colorful piece of paper and hang it where you can see it every day. You matter and make a difference...and it's up to you to take it on and "walk" it with pride!

     We finished the Half with smiles on our faces, with a little help from our friends. (And, yes, sparkle skirts and tutus were the fashion of the day!) [image error]When the feet and knees and hips started talking, we turned to our girlfriends for reminders about the strength we had from practice and hard work. When you set a goal, do the work, surround yourself with people who care and hang together, you do succeed.

     Your tiara is you: wear it with pride!

 

PS: I have so enjoyed being your Career Coach this month...thank you for stopping by and reading. I'm happy to be a resource for you...just janine [at] careerowners [dot] com (contact )me and ask! And, if you'd like to see all the photos of my tiara weekend,  'friend' me on facebook to see the album...would be delighted to connect with you!

Be Whatever You Want to Be

Here's a clip from one of our shows, "Innovate: Engineering Change," where geophysicist Hannah Abend talks about her desire to break new ground where not many women had gone before. Take a look.

What's On Your Life List?

I came across a blogger, Mighty Girl, who has a "Mighty Life List," 100 things she wants to do in her life. Items range from the big — "Safari in Africa" — to the small — "Make butterscotch from scratch." And many of them are unique: "Pretend we've had a power outage," "Write thank you notes to my teachers," "Sleep in a treehouse."

Reading her list got me thinking. I've always wanted to do big things like visit all 50 states and take my husband to Paris. But what about the small things, like experiencing Manhattanhenge? Riding a bicycle around Prospect Park? Making my own sushi?

I think it's time to make my own. What about you?

— Sarah Tobol, Editor

Get Blinged Out!

Diamonds, and crystals, and sparkles, oh my! We went to the Jim Kempner Fine Art Gallery in New York City to see its latest exhibit, Bling!, curated by Dru Arstark. The work demonstrates the many ways bling can be presented and interpreted. Take a look.

Video Editor: Aurora Lucia-Levey

Tiaras & Sparkle Skirts: Make Sure to Have Fun!

Two of my friends and I are heading to Orlando tomorrow to run the Disney Princess Half-Marathon on Sunday…with several thousand other Princesses. Part of the fun has been the planning and silliness over the last few months as we've trained and prepared for the work of the weekend. We've made sure to mix those several hours of running on Sunday morning—the work of our trip—with several days of play and pure girlfriend enjoyment.

To train for the run we've had a weekend schedule that increased mileage over the last couple of months. We've put aside the time to do the preparation so we can have fun along the route and finish with energy to spare, enjoying the rest of the day in the Disney parks. Running Disney (I discovered a few years ago) can make the mental stuff of this hard work almost enjoyable. Most of my training runs are on city streets with a goal of putting in the time. For Disney races, however, not only do we run through the parks themselves, but we meet up with Donald and Mickey, Minnie, the Incredibles, Chip and Dale and other characters—all out and cheering the runners along. What a concept: mixing the "work" with the "fun"—something I'll bet most of us don't do nearly often enough!

You can check out photos of the Princess Half (and other) Disney races online, and when you do, notice the sparkle skirts, the tiaras, the fun costumes and—of course—the happy faces…it's Disney, after all. So at least one message every runner will take from that day is "mix it up:" it's great to tackle the challenge and it's ok—no, it's really great—to have fun in the process. "Work" doesn't have to be all "work"…your surroundings and the people and your attitude and your mental game make a huge difference. What you think, you create. What you visualize, you step into. What you practice, you experience.   

So, I'm headed up to pack now. I have my pink sparkle skirt, my camera for posting photos on Facebook, my 'Life is Good' white tee, my pink and green striped socks, my favorite shoes and a few variations to be ready for any weather. My yellow tiara will go in, too (Belle is my favorite princess). I'll put it in my pink ruffled bag with my pink ruffled make up case; with all this, what a Princess weekend I'll have!

So why not take another look at your work, and make sure that you're mixing things up? What's the fun you've put in to balance it? How do you reward yourself for the hard work and great results? And if you don't, then what fun and rewards can you mix in to acknowledge yourself and the difference you make? You don't need to wait for others to do it…be proud of yourself!  Drop a comment below and let us know what you do, or what you're planning…your rewards and your fun. If enough of us do that, we'll have a terrific list of rewards to share!

By the way, stop by on Sunday morning to see the race results. You can find me by name, follow our progress and see our times. There will be online photos and we'll be posting on FB, too, and I expect those may be photos (skirts, tiaras, etc.) that you won't want to miss!

Janine Moon

Are you getting and giving honest feedback?

There was a study a few years back that talked about why women were derailed.  One of the reasons cited was that they weren't getting honest feedback.

So if you are not getting feedback, you need to ask for it.  And if you are getting it, it is important to take it in.  And then discriminate--what fits, and what doesn't.

It's always been hard for me to hear something about myself that is less than complimentary. But I have learned through the years that I need to listen to it if it's from a trusted source.

Are You Making a Difference?

We all have the ability to make a difference. Try tackling small tasks today that have an impact on the lives of others. Find this an other inspiration in our motivational tweets, found here in video form. Keep looking for them everyday on Twitter!

Animation: Marie Hankinson

Feeling as if You're Part of Your Favorite Movie

In 1999, Georgette Blau (left) launched On Location Tours, a company that tours locations featured in TV shows and movies. "I started On Location Tours because of my passion for TV shows, especially classic TV shows from the 70's and 80's," Georgette says. "I loved the idea of walking in the steps of the characters, feeling as if you were part of the TV show. It was a great, off the beaten path way of seeing New York."

When she first launched her company, it was one of three of its kind in the world. "Now, we're one of over 100! This growing tourism phenomenon prompted me to start the ATTAM [the Association for TV and Movie Tours]."

Georgette runs tours in New York and Boston, visiting sites that have been featured in TV shows such as "Sex and the City," "Friends," "Gossip Girl," "Cheers," and "Boston Legal." The tours visit sites from movies including the Devil Wears Prada, Moonstruck, When Harry Met Sally, The Departed, and Good Will Hunting.

We asked Georgette a few questions about her business and inspiration, here's what she shared with us:

Where do you think the drive to start your own business came from?  

I had always wanted to own a business, probably from the age of 8 or so. I love seeing something develop and grow from just a seed, and the freedom of wearing so many hats. It never gets boring! I double majored in college, however, in two very different things: English with a concentration in Creative Writing and Architectural Preservation. I wish I had studied business and entrepreneurship...I had to learn the tough way, via "on the job" training. I see entrepreneurship as the new American dream.

Who is someone that inspires you?

I am inspired by Saranne Rothberg; she launched a non profit company called Comedy Cures several years ago, after battling Stage 4 breast cancer. She's an extremely positive person, despite having survived so many obstacles in her life, and her company is not only wonderful in that it helps other cancer survivors, but has garnered great press and recognition over the years.

What advice can you give young entrepreneurs? Or women thinking about becoming entrepreneurs?

One piece of advice I always like to give to entrepreneurs starting out — especially those who are low on capital or have financial challenges — is to hire interns. Interns love being in a start-up environment and love getting credit for great experience, and are normally very passionate about their work.

For information on On Location Tours, visit www.screentours.com.

A group on a Boston tour outside the original Cheers

Photos courtesy of On Location Tours

Accountability: What's Your Story?

 

    While facilitating a Building Leadership Capacity seminar last week, we talked about "practice areas"—those actions or language we want to implement in order to more likely move toward our goals…the changes we know will get us there.  "Choose" to implement is more accurate—because our steps in any direction are always a choice. The more we focus and repeat our choices, the more likely the changes that we desire become real.

    Commitments seem easy when we're away from the environment that drove us to the learning event in the first place: we're with friends, we've shared war stories, we've discovered some new tools, and we care enough about our work that we want it to be better. Our intentions are good.

    We intend to make the changes, and we do the first day and maybe the second. At some point—usually sooner rather than later—the overwhelm of stuff and work and emails and bosses and coworkers and customers consumes us and we've forgotten our good intentions or at least pushed them aside. And so the return on our investment (time, money, work backlog, etc.) is reduced long before our choices around change becomes real…or lasting.

    When we're accountable only to ourselves, our follow-through is greatly reduced. Yet, we're adults: we know how to make changes, we know how to change behaviors, how to work new things into our lives…at least that's the story we tell ourselves.  So if we're adults and capable of deciding and following through, why don't we more often keep our commitments to change?

    Because we're human. And the pace of our lives today and the stretch and pull of different directions is such that our love of "the known" is greater than our infatuation with the change. Even when we know it's in our best interests. Even when we know that we'll be happier, more effective, more efficient, a better ___________ [fill in the blank]. 

    When we're accountable only to ourselves and life gets in the way, we let ourselves off the hook. We talk ourselves out of doing something different, of making the change, of having different expectations…because the challenge is bigger than the perceived outcomes. Back in the work/home environment, we don't have the support, the encouragement, the reinforcement that helps change 'take.' 

    So being accountable to someone else when we're committing to something different is key. Without that external source of 'kindred spirit,' making the changes often becomes a Sisyphean challenge. In fact, being accountable is most effective with not only a partner, but also with a plan, a timeline, and scheduled check-in dates, times and methods.

    Sound like one more thing to do that's takes more time than it's worth? It's not…and I have a "practice areas" form that you can use to structure your commitments with a partner. If you'd like a copy, drop me an email (janine [at] careerowners [dot] com) and I'll send it to you!

    So stop with the stories you tell yourself, and work within your human nature to recruit one or several accountability partners. Why not create the structure to follow-through and make changes that will improve your doing, your being and your life? That's what 'cowgirl up' is all about.  

    Have a great week!

    Janine

Janine Moon
Master Certified Career Coach