Vincent Truman's Blog, page 7
April 23, 2013
Single Again For The First Time 10: Love & Hate
Vincent Truman and hat.
An exploration of old hate and new love and that pesky thin line that people talk about that doesn’t really exist.
Why do we think we (and others) aren’t good enough? How destructive is hating yourself? Why should you not tell your soon-to-be-ex-spouse you’re contemplating suicide? How do you approach new love following a divorce or other heavy relationship? Why do people want to change others? Why are flip phones bad? Where did that cat come from?
Recorded by Chicago playwright and divorce survivor Vincent Truman.
Single Again For The First Time: Podcasts on Youtube
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April 18, 2013
Atheism: I Can’t Believe It
Vincent Truman
I am an atheist. My stance was arrived at following nearly twenty years of study and fence-sitting, starting with a text-heavy “introduction to the seminary” course (not the official title, hence the lower case letters) when I was 18 and followed by independent study and research over the next couple of decades. The post-911 tomes by Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens were merely icing on the secular cake, illustrating sociological, biological and intellectual angles which I had not had opportunity to delve into as deeply as the authors. I eventually found my own type of personal peace through my philosophy, which I can best illustrate by not wanting or needing anyone to think as I do.
As an atheist, I am occasionally exposed to various platforms and proclamations of what is termed the “atheist movement” and, especially since Mr. Hitchens’ death in 2011, I have grown increasingly irritated and annoyed with what I could only describe as Whiny Bitch Syndrome.
To wit, I recently learned of atheists being excluded from Boston’s interfaith service held on private property promoting healing on April 18, 2013. I offer up these quotations and links:
“We gave the White House an opportunity to exert a little more influence to help include us, and I’m disappointed that didn’t happen,” [author Greg] Epstein added. “We spoke to high ranking members of the governor’s staff multiple times — people we know for a fact were involved in organizing the vigil — in fact we called them every hour on the hour. And when I say we, I don’t mean me: I mean our lobbying office, the Secular Coalition for America.”
“It won’t be for lack of trying that we aren’t represented in the collective response to this tragedy,” said Zachary Bos, co-chair of the Secular Coalition for Massachusetts, and State Director for American Atheists. “We know that historically it’s been a easier to engage with people who are religiously-identifying and more likely to be organized… We’re telling them we’re here and available to stand beside religious leaders at any interfaith event, so that these public responses can be representative of Bostonians of all ethical traditions.”
Boston Atheists report that they repeatedly reached out to the Governor’s Office of Community Affairs, the Massachusetts Council of Churches, and the Mayor’s Office in an attempt to secure a place at the public table, but were ignored and stonewalled by public officials.
http://www.examiner.com/article/humanists-excluded-from-boston-marathon-interfaith-service
You will note that no specific names are mentioned, and no quoted refusal is given. Should these efforts be taken on faith then? It is surprising to me that the atheist community, on a day of grieving and healing, is taking the opportunity to stomp their feet, and yet not give enough detail for a thinking person to wish to do the same. A friend of mine posted a link to one of the above articles and when I requested evidence (eg, who refused who), I was told I was “arrogant” and subsequently “lazy.” All for asking for evidence. Eventually, I did end the dialogue with a less-than-brilliant “go fuck yourself.” I didn’t even get a chance to explore my second question, which is: why would atheists want to be involved in a self-proclaimed “interfaith” ceremony? Just to be seen? I heard there were no Quakers or Native Americans on the roster; should that inspire equal outrage, or is atheism just looking out for their own now?
An atheist is merely someone who disagrees with the idea there is a deity. I certainly can allow that atheists should be skeptical, but if skepticism is criticized within the skeptic community, then said community is little more than a club more interested in in-fighting and appearances than critical thinking. A collection of like-minded lemmings, the type of which I thought atheists deplored. Richard Carrier, a doctor speaking at a summit for something called Atheist Plus, determined one of the group’s tenants as being “making more atheists.” Apparently, the days of imparting knowledge to help people reach their own conclusions have been supplanted by the need for more team members, like some secular pyramid scheme.
In a full-throated atheist voice, I can proclaim: I just can’t believe it.
April 16, 2013
Single Again For The First Time 9: Q&A
Vincent Truman
Fielding a variety of questions including: how do you get a legal separation? someone left me for someone else – but all I think about is them (not really a question)? what’s all this bitterness about? and others. Plus a review of fear of commitment v. fear of abandonment, the prospects of a second marriage, and how 40somethings flirt with each other. Plus the usual silly voices. And apologies to Ken Burns for lifting the music from ‘The Civil War’… it just seemed funny.
Recorded by Chicago playwright and divorce survivor Vincent Truman.
April 8, 2013
Single Again For The First Time 8: Black Hole
Vincent Truman
In my 8th podcast, I describe how I found out that there was an impostor profile on OKCupid that lifted some of my images and purported, basically, to be me. While dealing with that profile was pretty easy, the black hole that invited me to play with it did wreak a bit of havoc. In this context, the ‘black hole’ refers to when, after a big relationship, one is drawn back into a labyrinth of ‘what if’ and ‘how did’ and ‘why did’ scenarios, which, if given enough latitude, prove to be paralyzing. Having skirted the lip of this particular black hole, I delve into ways I – and others – can avoid such temptation.
I also touch briefly on a spontaneous date, which ended with one of the best texts ever, as well as the usual spate of silly voices and asides.
Language is a bit terse in this one.
April 1, 2013
Single Again For The First Time 7: Permanence
Vincent Truman
For my 7th podcast, after a shout-out to those who subscribe to the Council of Nicea, I delve into putting the kibosh on a short dating excursion, which, despite the fact that I don’t regret the decision, was impactful. I am not, after all, a serial dater with wimmin’ folk categorized by mood or day of the week. What was particularly interesting about coming to my decision was how uniform the opinions were: men thought one thing without exception, women thought the opposite.
After that, I return to reflecting on Esther Perel’s epic “Mating in Captivity”, and in particular, one phrase of hers: “show me how you were loved and I’ll show you how you love.” This singular phrase inspired a lot of thought on not only my own but my former spouse’s past and how both sets of circumstances blended and failed to blend.
Finally, I address a question a good friend put to me: why are you doing this?
Minicast: Single Again For The First Time 7: Permanence
Vincent Truman
For my 7th podcast, after a shout-out to those who subscribe to the Council of Nicea, I delve into putting the kibosh on a short dating excursion, which, despite the fact that I don’t regret the decision, was impactful. I am not, after all, a serial dater with wimmin’ folk categorized by mood or day of the week. What was particularly interesting about coming to my decision was how uniform the opinions were: men thought one thing without exception, women thought the opposite.
After that, I return to reflecting on Esther Perel’s epic “Mating in Captivity”, and in particular, one phrase of hers: “show me how you were loved and I’ll show you how you love.” This singular phrase inspired a lot of thought on not only my own but my former spouse’s past and how both sets of circumstances blended and failed to blend.
Finally, I address a question a good friend put to me: why are you doing this?
March 30, 2013
Single Again For The First Time 6: Kicking My Own Ass
Vincent Truman
Love and forgiveness were the two elements I knew I needed in order to move beyond the death rattle of my marriage, and they were two elements I resisted. I could not say it felt good to walk around feeling angry and resentful, which I did for some time, but these negative emotions helped shore me up and prevented me from crumbling into a sobbing mess 24/7, although I did my fair share of that as well. It has been postulated that divorce is like a death without the gravestone, and I would tend to agree. Closure, especially for the one who was left and does not carry the bravado of having “escaped”, or abandoned, their commitment, is an abstract thing. It took nearly a year to profess enough love and forgiveness to get to the point where I wished her well and, more importantly, get to the point where I could regain my life again.
But beyond love and forgiveness, I have found a layer of analysis lurking. How could it be, I wondered, how my last two major relationships were like March: in like a lion and out like a lamb? In other words, what the fuck happened to all the fucking? It could not be disputed that I loved my wife with every fiber of my being – so what went wrong? It was when the questions started appearing in my head when my friend Tina – she herself being the first of the two relationships that were uncannily March-like – turned me onto a book called ‘Mating in Captivity’ by Esther Perel. Not even half-way through the book, I was faced with some uncomfortable truths about my own behavior. A mirror was held up and, as Perel points out brilliantly, a mirror isn’t there to look at yourself, it’s to see what’s behind you.
Minicast: Single Again For The First Time 6: Kicking My Own Ass
Vincent Truman
Love and forgiveness were the two elements I knew I needed in order to move beyond the death rattle of my marriage, and they were two elements I resisted. I could not say it felt good to walk around feeling angry and resentful, which I did for some time, but these negative emotions helped shore me up and prevented me from crumbling into a sobbing mess 24/7, although I did my fair share of that as well. It has been postulated that divorce is like a death without the gravestone, and I would tend to agree. Closure, especially for the one who was left and does not carry the bravado of having “escaped”, or abandoned, their commitment, is an abstract thing. It took nearly a year to profess enough love and forgiveness to get to the point where I wished her well and, more importantly, get to the point where I could regain my life again.
But beyond love and forgiveness, I have found a layer of analysis lurking. How could it be, I wondered, how my last two major relationships were like March: in like a lion and out like a lamb? In other words, what the fuck happened to all the fucking? It could not be disputed that I loved my wife with every fiber of my being – so what went wrong? It was when the questions started appearing in my head when my friend Tina – she herself being the first of the two relationships that were uncannily March-like – turned me onto a book called ‘Mating in Captivity’ by Esther Perel. Not even half-way through the book, I was faced with some uncomfortable truths about my own behavior. A mirror was held up and, as Perel points out brilliantly, a mirror isn’t there to look at yourself, it’s to see what’s behind you.
March 24, 2013
Single Again For The First Time 5: Wanderlogue
Vincent Truman
Shout-out/hero-of-the-week = my niece. Dressing according to the time of year – and not the temperature – and how that’s a bad idea. Keeping busy and how that’s a good idea. The Art Institute. Edward Hopper. Picasso. Modern dance. Blood. Performing a pice of live lit at The Pungent Parlour. Date 1.1. Blunt Object’s production of Taming of the Shrew with a BDSM slant. Beauty school. Peapod grocery deliveries and how that feels like Christmas. And examining the ex-wife as DNA.
Minicast: Single Again For The First Time 5: Wanderlogue
Vincent Truman
Shout-out/hero-of-the-week = my niece. Dressing according to the time of year – and not the temperature – and how that’s a bad idea. Keeping busy and how that’s a good idea. The Art Institute. Edward Hopper. Picasso. Modern dance. Blood. Performing a pice of live lit at The Pungent Parlour. Date 1.1. Blunt Object’s production of Taming of the Shrew with a BDSM slant. Beauty school. Peapod grocery deliveries and how that feels like Christmas. And examining the ex-wife as DNA.
