Jen Lancaster's Blog, page 7

And Then We Came to the End of JenX (Almost) - Edited Because I Don't Know the Difference Between "Eastern" and "Standard"

The Jeneration X tour train is shortly returning to the station, but not before these final book reading/signing events: Saturday, June 16th at 2:00 PM WARREN NEWPORT PUBLIC LIBRARY 224 N Oplaine Rd #A Gurnee, IL Free tickets are available HERE and Lake Forest Book Store will be selling books. (The signup form claims I will delight you. I shall endeavor to do my best, but make no such promises.) Friday, July 13th at 7:00 PM LAKE ZURICH MIDDLE SCHOOL SOUTH 435 W. Cuba Rd Lake Zurich, IL Free tickets are available HERE and, again, Lake Forest Books will be onsite selling books. If you're interested, register now, because this is so much more than a solo event and you'll want to be a part of it. I'll be joining Stacey Ballis, Sarah Pekkanen, and Jennifer Weiner and I can promise that they absolutely will delight you!! I'll also be online tomorrow, June 12th at 2:00 PM, taking questions on chapters 1-8 of Jen X on Twitter in conjunction with Penguin USA, as well as June 19th at 2:00 PM, June 26th at 2:00 PM, and June 28th at 8:00 PM, all times EST. (If there are more specific details outside of "tweet your questions to @altgeldshrugged" then I'll post them as soon as I learn them!) So that's it for now. Thanks to all of you for your tremendous support of this book - for coming out, for being excited, and for sharing your experiences on my Facebook page!...

It's Cliche to Say I Weep for Our Future, Yet Here We Are

When I was in high school, the local stoners would attempt to get high by licking frogs. Supposedly these amphibians would emit some kind of hallucinogen from their skin and the trip was similar to that of LSD. Generally, nothing happened when the hoods would score some fresh frog, largely because they should have been tonguing toads. (Specifically, the Bufo alvarius.) However, my Huntington North High School Viking classmates didn't understand the difference between frogs and toads because they were the product of a poor public educational system, particularly in regard to arts and sciences. (Related note: once at Rotary Club my father almost punched the HNHS Vice Principal for complaining about the State's new English requirements, lamenting that the kids were going to miss out on some really great shop classes. Incredulously, Dad said, "So you're telling me that you're sorry they're going to have to read Beowulf?" To which the VP replied, "Who?" That's when my father's fists clenched.) Regardless, I'm sure my old classmates have figured it all out by now and are running really, really successful meth labs. Anyway, last night we were watching Stossel (that's how we roll on a Saturday night) and a guest said teens were now, um... inserting vodka soaked tampons into their, um... various back doors in order to get drunk without the smell of alcohol on their breath. They're also doing beer bongs the same way, which is called "butt chugging," along with pouring vodka in their eyes. Dude. Dude....

Funny Thing, That Universe

Here I am at the ultra-fancy, how-the-hell-was-I-invited, OMG-worthy People magazine party at the Boom Boom Room in the Standard Hotel in New York on Wednesday: The view! The cocktails! The celebrities! So cool, right? Not pictured: Me, less than twenty four hours later, standing in the back yard with a garden hose and a bottle of medicated shampoo, scrubbing Loki's undercarriage because his swamp-ass has returned with a vengeance. No view (save for that of his inflamed bits), no cocktails, and certainly no celebrities. I believe the universe has an uncanny way of keeping me grounded. Thanks, universe! (I think.)

Revenge of the Jens (And Possibly a Winklevoss or Two)

Here's a quick reminder of what's coming up next week! Wednesday, June 6th from 12:30 PM - 1:45 PM Bryant Park Reading Room, 42nd St., between 5th and 6th Ave, where you will find... JEN AND JEN, TOGETHER AGAIN! Please join New York Times best-selling author Jennifer Weiner and me at this event! We'll be discussing our new books, chatting with one another, and taking questions from the audience before we autograph books. Having done an event together before, I can assure you that hilarity will ensue. The event is outdoors, but in case of drizzle, there will be a tent. (I imagine it will be a large tent.) In case it's raining toads/cats/dogs, the venue will change to The General Society of Mechanics and Tradesmen at 20 West 44th Street (between 5th & 6th Avenues.) No tickets/purchases are required and the space will accommodate a crowd. That being said, come early for prime viewing position or in case we need to move indoors. See you then, I hope! * * * In the interim, I shall be busy obsessing about Mark Zuckerberg. No, not about the Facebook IPO or any of the resulting fall-out. If you're an institutional investor and you lost your shirt here, I'm really sorry, but seriously, did you learn NOTHING from the Infospace.com debacle twelve years ago? Remember, this is back when their shares were listed at hundreds and hundreds of dollars each? And Fletch and I were all, "Isn't that basically an internet yellow...

It's A Good Thing (He Married An Optimist!)

Fletch: "What are you doing?" Me: "What does it look like I'm doing?" Fletch: "You appear to be washing your foot in the kitchen sink." Me: "Bingo." Fletch: "I don't want to know why, do I?" Me: "Someone had an accident in the dining room and I stepped in it. Didn't you hear me screaming five minutes ago?" Fletch: (shudders) "This is why I always wear shoes in the house. Always." Me: "Oh, please. It's fine. I cleaned it up. And now I'm washing my foot." Fletch: "Aren't there more appropriate places to do that?" Me: "Well, I rinsed my foot under the hose, and then I dunked it in the pool, and now I'm washing it in the sink. What's the problem?" Fletch: "This is why your Martha Stewart project is doomed." Me: "Why? I'm using antibacterial soap!" Fletch: (walking away) "DOOMED." My project is totally not doomed. But I may finally reconsider my stance on being barefoot in the house.

Best Prize Ever? (Yes!)

Hope everyone had a fab Memorial Day weekend! We spent ours getting the house ready for a summer of entertaining Martha-style, which included hauling plants out of the car in ninety-million degree temps and assembling inexpensive teak furniture. Fletch says when you buy cheap you buy twice. It should go without saying we almost always buy twice. Previously, he'd suggested I look at the Restoration Hardware outdoor catalog before I went with the cute cushioned benches from World Market. So I humored him. And then I laughed my ass off at the prices. This piece, likely made somewhere in Southeast Asia, is easily ten times more than what I'd consider expensive. You know I'm not one to go all OccupyRestorationHardware, but in my opinion, outdoor furniture should cost less than indoor furniture. Or a used car. World Market it was. The highlight (?) of the weekend was when in the middle of dinner, Fletch said, "I dropped two of the hot dogs and one of the burgers on the ground before I cooked them. Try to guess which ones." It's probably best that we didn't have friends up here this weekend. I think we need another practice run or two before we involve guests in our summer festivities. Anyway, while we were planting and sweating and eating hot dogs of a dubious nature, my friend Stacey was busy crafting an excellent contest that coincides with the launch of her new book Off the Menu! Isn't this the best cover? I'm...

This Is A Really Good Post If You Like Flowers Or Amateur Photography

The top request I heard on tour was to blog daily. So I'm pledging to try. Sometimes the posts will be photo-heavy. Like today. I was bummed when we didn't have a white Christmas this year. Yet the mild winter temps did wonders for my garden and it's been exploding with color for more than a month. We already had crocuses, daffodils, tulips, irises, lilacs, lilies of the valley, and some serious fruit tree blossom action. Well played, hateful crab apple. You may live to see another year. I think these are my Betty White floribunda. (Don't quote me on that.) I got them last year and they bloomed late and when they finally did, I was charmed. Then, suddenly she was freaking EVERYWHERE, like to the point of taking over their whole corner of the garden, muscling all the other roses out of her sunlight, spewing frowzy, floppy petals in her wake, so much so that I began to wish that Betty White would just go away. The solid, respectable, upstanding red roses in the center are Mr. Lincoln. He forms huge, perfect, velvet blossoms that are so heavy with fragrance that I can't help but cut him down in his prime and bring him inside. I don't know what variety these yellow roses are but they're already out in full force, far ahead of the rest of the pack. They've got a real Texas vibe, though, don't they? Not sure what this one is either, but I love...

The Summer (Reading Guide) of Other

Tour is over, I’m back, and I’m ready to talk about reading! But not to talk about reading my books because, frankly, I’ve had enough of that to last me until next year. At some point during the tour and all the rounds of media, even the biggest narcissist in the world gets all, “No, please, let's talk about you.” (Caveat - I do need to say thank you times a million to all of you for coming to my events because you guys are the whole point of what I do. You rock, for seven years running!) Anyway, I’ve pledged to spend the summer reading books that aren’t on the front table at the bookstore or filling a top ten position on the NYT list. Times are tough for authors out there, particularly the new ones, and I want to do what I can to help. Through Facebook suggestions, I filled four pages of paper with authors and titles… none of which I had with me when I stopped in the airport bookstore on the way to my first tour stop. Typical. So I bought the book My Lucky Star by Joe Keenan, largely because I wasn’t familiar with it. But as an Emmy award-winning writer for Frasier and with comparisons to P.G. Wodehouse, the author’s credentials were impeccable. I knew it had to be funny. Also, because this is me we’re talking about, the cover was pretty. See? Until I looked up this book, I didn’t know MLS...

Reminder for DC This Weekend

Before I forget... I'll be here tomorrow/this weekend: FRIDAY, MAY 18 WASHINGTON, DC BARNES & NOBLE 555 12th St. NW 7 PM SATURDAY, MAY 19 GAITHERSBURG, MD GAITHERSBURG BOOK FESTIVAL City Hall grounds Gertrude Stein Pavilion 31 S Summit Ave Gaithersburg, MD 20877 12:20 PM to 1 PM ** In-conversation with Sarah Pekkanen, moderated by Eleanor Brown, with a book signing to follow! (There are so many fab authors speaking throughout the day, so be sure to check out the festival's website!) This event is the official end to the Jen X tour (at least until upcoming events with Jennifer Weiner) so I hope to see you there! Thanks for all your support!

This One's Only for Big Girls

How do I say this politely? Fuck you, Macy’s. Trust me, that’s polite considering how mad I am. To backtrack, I decided to go shopping today. Since I was across the street looking at outdoor pillows at World Market, I decided to hit Northbrook Court as opposed to driving another ten miles to Bloomingdale’s at Old Orchard. Normally, I don’t need to buy clothes at this time of year because I’ll have been to Atlanta on tour. Years ago, I discovered the Macy’s at Lennox Square Mall and I was thrilled to find that instead of relegating the Plus department to a shameful little cubbyhole past the restrooms and through the employee break room, they actually devote an entire third of their retail space to Plus. And not just shapeless, elastic waist, senior-citizen-appropriate styles, either. I’m talking adorable, well-fitting, fashion forward pieces. My point is that I’ve been a big fan of Macy’s for many years and I buy so much in Atlanta that I’m usually set for the better part of the year. Except I couldn’t get there a few weeks ago due to my flight arrangements, hence today’s expedition. Because the Plus departments are always described cryptically on the store’s directory (e.g Salon Z) (what does that stand for? Salon Zaftig?), I wasn’t surprised that I didn’t see it listed. So I wandered around the second floor for a while until I found a sales associate and here’s the conversation we had: Me: “Hi, I can’t seem to...