Danielle Steel's Blog, page 51

Book Signing

Hi Everyone,

Until today, I’ve done three book signings in my writing life. The first one was right after my first book was published, and I got booked into what looked like a big drug store (I was about 21 years old, and had just had published the book I wrote at 19). It was in Gilroy, California, at the time of the Garlic Festival (the smell of garlic was overwhelming as I signed), and the mayor at the time tried to kiss me. It was an interesting introduction into the world of book signings. And I was never very inclined to do book signings, and did no publicity at all for my books in those days. I spent my time writing, and taking care of my children. I never went on tour or on the road for my books. I didn’t really have time, and preferred to be at home writing, and with the kids. And I didn’t do interviews either then.(And still rarely do them now.)

My second book signing was in Chicago a while later. I can’t even remember how I got roped into it. There were two other authors scheduled to be signing books, at a book store, and somehow the people who arranged it, failed to mention that both of the other authors were very unusual and admirable people. One was a Viet Nam vet who had lost all four limbs, and had written a book about his experiences. The other was a fairly well known author whose courage I had admired, who had been severely abused and sequestered as a child, had survived it, and gone on to be a writer, and she too had suffered damage to her limbs. Not to sound disrespectful, but it was somewhat startling at the time, because both of these remarkable people signed their books with a pen they held in their teeth. And I sat between them, feeling odd and guilty because I could sign my books with a pen held in my hand. They were both interesting to talk to, but it was a very unusual experience.

And my third book signing happened during a blizzard in New York, several years later. Not a soul showed up in the terrible weather, no one bought a single one of my books, and only a homeless lady came into the store, to get out of the weather, and ate all of the hors d’oeuvres that had been provided. We chatted for a little while, she finished the food and left. And shortly after, I left too.

Somehow all three experiences convinced me not to try book signings again, and the subject hasn’t come up in thirty years. Until recently. A friend in San Francisco owns a beautiful shop for elegant things for the home, china, place mats, crystal, unusual and lovely objects, cashmere blankets,and she sells some books as well . She asked if I would do a book signing of my current non-fiction book about dogs, “Pure Joy”, and because I like her and the shop is terrific, I agreed. It sounded like fun to me when she suggested it, and I’ve been looking forward to it. And I wasn’t disappointed. She set it up beautifully with a desk where I could sit and sign, in the midst of the wonderful things she sells. Valet parkers made life easy for everyone, she had sent out a really beautiful invitation, and lots of nice people came—and I knew many of them. And we sold a lot of books. It was totally fun and beautifully done. I enjoyed it, and I think everyone else did too. An even nicer touch was that she gave a percentage of the book sales to a charity to assist homeless children. it was a win-win in every way, for the children who benefited from it, for us selling books, and for the people who came and enjoyed the event too. It was great!!

I can’t promise to do another one. But the fourth book signing of my life was a winner in every way!!!

love, danielle

So Much Going On!!

There’s lots of excitement in my publishing life right now, on many fronts. Last week, on October 29, I had four books come out!! That’s a record even for me. Two paperbacks: “A Gift of Hope”, about my work on the streets with the homeless for eleven years, non-fiction. “The Sins of the Mother”, previously in hardcover, about a woman who built and runs a business empire, and has 4 adult children, who have issues with the past, and better come to understand their mother over time. It’s about the not always easy workings of a family, the decisions parents make, and how one views them with compassion as time goes on. I hope you like the book. Two hardcovers came out on the same day: a novel, “Winners”, about a young Olympic skier, an accident she has which changes her life, and how her fight to come back from it touches everyone around her, as each of their lives, and hers, are turned around in positive ways. I hope you’ll find it an inspiring book, and a great read. And I have a really fun book that just came out too. It’s a small non-fiction book that should make a perfect gift. It’s about the dogs in our family over the years, and some dog-owning advice, and there are some funny stories in it and practical tips too. My two pound longhaired white teacup Chihuahua Minnie is on the cover, and it’s called “Pure Joy”. I hope you think of it for all the dog lovers on your holiday list and in your life!!

And to top it all off, the song album I’ve been working on for two years is coming out on November 26. “Love Notes by Danielle Steel”. It’s coming out in CD, and will be on the Internet. I wrote the lyrics and worked with 3 talented composers and 2 wonderful singers (a man and a woman). So that’s a lot going on for me.

Today, on November 4th, I’ll be on Good Morning America to talk about the books. And I have an interview with the Wall Street Journal this week, and am doing a rare, rare for me book signing of the book about our dogs, at a friend’s store.

Now you can see why I’ve been busy!!! I hope you enjoy reading the books and listening to the music. Thank you for sharing all of this with me!!

love, danielle

Art Week in Paris

Every October, there is a big art fair in Paris, called the FIAC, which happens at the Grand Palais, a beautiful old glass structure where many big exhibits, special events, and fashion shows take place. In this case, galleries from all over Europe, and I think some from the States, come to exhibit, and it’s always fun and exciting to go and see it. I look forward to it every year, and am lucky enough to get a pass to take a look the day before the opening. The art there tends to be on the ‘edgy’ side, which isn’t always my cup of tea, although I love contemporary art. But it’s fun to see who is doing what, and what the trends are in advanced contemporary art. And there is a little bit of everything at the show. (My favorite thing at the fair—or my two favorites actually—-were a bronze piece with a silver finish, which was an exact replica of an Hermes Kelly handbag, which was terrific, but too steep for my budget. And my other favorite was a life-sized, lifelike statue of a boy/young man, which seemed like it was in resin. He was fully dressed, with a totally lifelike expression, and it would have been fun to have. But I didn’t ask the price). I managed to enjoy the entire show, and didn’t buy anything. But it was a fun experience, as always, seeing the show.

The next day I attended the Art Elysees show, which happens in tents, and is also an assembly of galleries from other cities and countries, showing their wares. That show is more commercial, it’s a smaller fair, and the prices are more reasonable. And I was most tempted by a Damien Hirst litho (of multi colored polka dots), and a really great piece of a large motorized wheel, about 6 or 7 feet across, which moved slowly, and in it was bright red powdered pigment, and as the piece moved in a circle, the red powder shifted like sand. It was a great piece. And I wish I had the wall space for it. It really deserved a big uncluttered wall, and I have too much art I love and have collected from my art gallery days to do justice to a piece like that.

And to top it all off I went to see the exhibit for an auction at a beautiful old French home, the Hotel Salomon Rothschild, which belongs to the city now, and they rent it out for important art shows and auctions. The exhibit I saw had art/paintings, sculptures, taxidermy, antique furniture, and exceptional vintage clothing. It was fun wandering around. I might even bid on a collectible handbag I would love to have!!

So that’s the mischief I was up to….and now back to work on a book!!!

love, danielle

Special Events

Hi Everyone,

Since I share fashion shows and art openings with you, and events I go to, I thought I’d tell you about two remarkable events I attended recently. One was great fun, and absolutely adorable, and the other a more unusual evening.

On a recent trip through New York, to visit my daughters, my oldest daughter was in town to celebrate her five year old daughter’s birthday, and she had organized a luncheon at the American Girl Doll Store on Fifth Avenue. It is a haven for little girls, paradise on earth. They are among the most popular dolls now, and already were when my own daughters were small, not so long ago. Each doll has a story and a history, her own special look, with an assortment of hair and eye colors, different ethnicity, and they have elaborate wardrobes, furniture, cars, pets, kitchen appliances. A dizzying array of accessories for each doll. And the store is an overwhelming and exciting series of departments which sell the dolls, clothes, and all the stuff that goes with them. Some are even twins, and they have added some ‘babies’ to their repertoire. And amidst this extraordinary store all dedicated to these dolls is a restaurant where children and their parents shopping there can stop for lunch or have a birthday party. It’s been a while since my own kids were that small, and to be literally in a department store full of little girls clamoring for dolls, with dolls everywhere you look was amazing. The store is every little girl’s dream, and when we walked into the restaurant, there was a huge long table covered with dolls you could borrow, with little high chairs to seat them, in case you had forgotten to bring your own doll to lunch. It was an incredible scene. Dolls were being fed, talked to, dressed, undressed, there were several borrowed dolls at every table. We were mostly adults at our table, and only three children (two of them boys, who looked shell shocked to be surrounded by all the little girls and their dolls). Lunch was actually delicious, the birthday lunch was a huge success, and in a crazy way I loved it. It almost made me want to take a doll home, and as we left, my daughters and I threaded our way through three floors of ecstatic little girls picking out their new dolls and as much equipment for them as they could talk their parents into. Everyone was having fun. It was innocence at its best, and we all left smiling, and had a ball.

At the extreme other end of the spectrum, I went back to Paris the next day, and was invited to the opening of the opera by a generous friend who took me to a gala evening a few days later. It was going to be a ‘new production’ of Aida, Verdi’s opera which takes place in ancient Egypt, and aside from the music, I always loved that as part of the scene, there were elephants on stage. My friend warned me that this production might be a little ‘different’, though neither of us knew what to expect. The scenery when the curtain went up was all bronze and gold, and looked almost space age. I assumed that the differences would end there, and expected to see the usual elephants onstage before the night was over….I was a little startled to see that there were cleaning people on stage, mopping and polishing as the opera began. Had the cleaning staff forgotten to leave the stage? They were wearing normal janitorial clothes, which seemed a little odd, amidst an opera set in ancient Egypt. And stranger yet, the cast was in 18th century dress, which didn’t belong in Aida either. In short order, modern day soldiers in camouflage battle gear appeared onstage carrying machine guns, and rapidly took off their shirts. So then we had a chorus of priests, women in 18th century gowns, the janitors, the GI Joe soldiers half naked by then, and a ballerina who eventually appeared and danced around. My friend and I looked at each other in confusion, and we got more confused as the night wore on. Protesters appeared on stage carrying socialist slogans, a scene of heaps of naked seemingly dead bodies which re-enacted Auschwitz stunned everyone, and the audience booed and hissed at that. And then men dressed as the Ku Klux Klan appeared onstage, while the opera singers sang their heart out about love, betrayal, and impossible love. I was really missing the elephants by then, acutely. And for lack of anything better to do, some of the players eventually set fire to some of the scenery. It was the strangest thing I’ve ever seen, the voices were beautiful and the music wonderful, but nothing we were seeing made any sense. And since I was faintly jet lagged, the constant confusion on stage kept me wide awake waiting to see what would happen next. And just for good measure, naked men eventually appeared on stage. It was so crazy it was funny, and we were laughing by the time it was over, which was really too bad in the midst of the beautiful music and singing, but how could you watch a production like that with a straight face? We couldn’t, but it gave us lots to talk about at dinner afterwards. I hadn’t been to the opera in years—but that was an evening I won’t soon forget. And in a crazy way it was fun, because there was no way you could take it seriously, and we didn’t.

From the ridiculous to the sublime. And who would have thought that the sublime would be a birthday lunch in a doll store, and the ridiculous would be an evening at the opera in Paris, which was black tie and supposed to be very glamorous. But from one extreme to the other, it was fun!!! And certainly very different and out of the ordinary for me!!!

love, danielle

New Addition

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to share with you that I’ve done it again!!! Not a husband, not a baby……but three weeks ago in New York, I stopped at the place where I found Minnie, and fell in love with an 8 week old, 14 oz teacup Chihuahua puppy…..a short haired in an unusual color called “Blue”, which is kind of a dark steel gray color (no pun intended). I’ve wrestled with the idea for 3 weeks, not wanting to make the teacup Chihuahua I have now, Minnie, unhappy. I love her and don’t want her to be jealous or feel pushed out. My kids (those I admitted it to) said I was crazy (but they always do about another dog), and they said that travelling with two dogs would be too hard, and they could be right, but I’ll manage. I used to travel with 9 kids, so 2 Chihuahuas shouldn’t be impossible……and you know how love is….I picked her up yesterday, and she and Minnie seemed to like each other, and they played yesterday and this morning. So here I go again, I have a puppy in my life. She is now 11 weeks old, weighs a pound and a half. I think she’ll be a little bigger than Minnie (who weighs 2 lbs now as an adult). It’s a complication I don’t need to my otherwise well organized life, but as I’ve said before, love is complicated, life is complicated….and why not? So here we go. I will include a photo for you here. Right now, she is mouse-sized. I named her Baby Blue Angel, and we’ll probably call her Blue. So here she is.



love, danielle

Scam Alert

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to let you know today that I recently received an alert from a fan, through my publisher’s website, that someone out there is sending out one of those letters that we have all gotten by now. Usually they say that a friend is stuck in the Philippines, or Lebanon, or some exotic place, their wallet has been stolen, they can’t get home, and please wire them money somewhere. The first time I got a letter like that, I was alarmed for the friend who had allegedly sent it, couldn’t imagine how she had gotten where she was, what was she doing there alone, and why wasn’t her husband helping her get home. I called a mutual friend the next morning, who laughed at me. Apparently the whole world has received letters like that, and of course when I called the friend who was supposed to be in distress, she was happily at home, having breakfast with her husband, with her dogs cozily at her feet. And her email account had been hacked. Getting a letter like that was a new experience for me, and I have had several since, and pay no attention to them now.

The copy of the one I received from a fan was a little more elaborate, but the same idea. This one leaned heavily on religion, promised blessings, and asked for prayers and help, claiming that I was seriously ill, didn’t have the money to pay for medical care, and was asking my fans to send me all their bank information, and to send me money. It annoyed me that they were leaning heavily and abusively on religion, and preying on my fans. But I suppose nothing is sacred to people who are trying to perpetrate a scam, and get money out of innocent victims. I am hoping that anyone who receives it will be savvy enough, and have received enough letters like it, not to take it seriously, or respond to it. Whoever sent it put my name at the end. And it does upset me that anyone would abuse my fans’ and readers’ sympathy and concern for me in that way. I hope none of you received it, but if you did, please know that it is a scam, and I am alive and well, and DON’T want your bank information, nor for you to send money—–(-just keep reading my books!!!!) Seriously, I’m truly sorry if you got that email!!!

It’s sad that there are such dishonest people in the world, preying on others, often innocent people who believe what they’ve been told, and respond to it in good faith. Scams of all kinds are as old as the world, and now the Internet has become a useful tool for people like that, and allows them to reach far more people than ever before.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that all is well, and to warn you that there is some dishonest email floating around out there—-and it’s not from me. I hope that all is well with you, and that the fall is off to a great start. It’s hard to believe that it’s already October. It’ll be Halloween soon, I started thinking about buying pumpkins today…..and before we know it, it will be Thanksgiving….and then Christmas. The time flies by too fast!!! I have three books coming out at the end of this month, which is exciting news for me. A hardcover novel called “Winners”, a little non fiction book “Pure Joy” about our family dogs over the years, and some dog-owning advice after all the dogs we’ve had—it has my 2 pound white long haired teacup Chihuahua, Minnie Mouse, on the cover!!! And the paperback of my non fiction book about working on the streets with the homeless for eleven years. It’s a wide assortment of topics, and I hope you enjoy all three. All three will be out on October 29th….And in the meantime, watch out for scams!!!

love, danielle

PS: My publisher Random House is adding this message to their Facebook page for me. Please heed it!! Neither they nor I want money from you for charity. And we don’t want anyone ‘scamming’ you!!! love,d.

Please be advised that the ONLY Facebook page officially representing Danielle Steel is this one; her only official websites are DanielleSteel.com and DanielleSteel.net. Danielle Steel and Random House, Inc. do not solicit money or other items of value from fans in any media, including direct emails, and explicitly advise against entertaining such requests that purport to be made in the author’s or publisher’s names.

Tribal Living

Hi Everyone…..I’ve had theories on this subject for a long time, about the value and importance of our ‘tribes’, our original families, in order to share not just pearls of wisdom on important subjects, but all the little pieces of knowledge that our elders pick up along the way in life that apply to sickness, child rearing, childbirth, in the case of women, and undoubtedly things that men need to know as well, and learn from their fathers, brothers, and older relatives. More primal ‘tribes’ long before urban living always had wise men in the tribe, Medicine Men, or simply Elders, who imparted valuable information and were greatly respected for their sage advice. Families provide the same kind of traditions and information, about everything from cooking a traditional favorite meal, to simple health advice, to the best way to get from one place to another. And often, the old fashioned grandmotherly ‘recipes’ and solutions work best. Our ancestors relied on their relatives to tell them how to take care of their children, how to adapt to being a young married, or to learn a craft or a skill. But today, many of those skills and traditions have disappeared, and in many cases, our ‘tribes’ no longer exist. Some of that information now is provided by ‘experts’, how-to books, friends, even strangers, but in my opinion it’s not the same, and we have lost a very, very valuable source of comfort and information with the disbanding of our ‘tribes’, for many reasons. And our families and tribes may be annoying at times, but what they have to share with us is extremely valuable, and sometimes amounts to nothing more than a good dose of common sense.

In modern times, with higher education, broader job opportunities, and sometimes tough economies, people move away. In the ‘old’ days, people remained in one geographical area forever for their entire life times. Today, in every culture and country, that’s extremely rare. Of my own children, 6 of my children (out of 8 of my surviving children) moved to other cities at some point, either for college or to find jobs they couldn’t find in the city where they grew up. Of those six, three have returned to their home town, but the other three now live across the country, and are on their own to live, to work, when they get sick, when they have a problem, when they dont know how something works. We spend lots of time on the phone, talking, and I’m grateful for it, but it’s not the same as being able to come home for dinner when you’re down, or have Mom show up to lend you a hand, or make a home cooked meal (if you have a mother who can cook). Skype is a big help to show a problem on screen, and helps me communicate with my office and kids. But when a friend had a baby recently, and I was providing tidbits of advice, I realized how much we have lost with the dispersal of our families, and by living far away from where we started, often in cities where we have no family at all. With my friend who had the baby, I was providing advice that an aunt, mother or grandmother would have provided if they lived in the same town. Silly little things that are useful to know get lost in the shuffle now. And with an ever more educated population, and people having babies older (sometimes even without a partner, or a family nearby), ‘experts’ have replaced wise old relatives who may sound hokey at times, but usually know what they’re talking about and have some really valuable advice to share about what to expect, and how to solve the problems that come up. I was stunned the first time I heard about a ‘lactation expert’, who is a person who comes to your house and tells you how to nurse your baby. I never had one (I dont think they existed twenty years ago, the baby and I just figured it out). What bothers me about that concept is the sense that you are doing it ‘wrong’ if you havent been ‘taught’ by an expert. Women have been nursing their babies since caveman days, without ‘expert’ advice. It goes counter to my belief that you and your baby know best. But I’ll bet that even in cavemen days, there were wise old women in the community, relatives or otherwise, who shared the same kind of ‘expert advice’. “Here, do it this way”, and then magically something that wasnt going right becomes instantly easier.

I think it is sad that we have lost our ‘tribes’, the elders who hovered over us, and may have annoyed us at times, but had so much real life experience and good advice to share. I’m happy to stand in for absent mothers, sisters, and aunts, and others have done the same for me. We are a mobile society now, nomads of sorts, and many of us wind up in cities far, far from where we started out, where we don’t have a family structure to support us and show us the ropes of life. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon, as we move from city to city, either for jobs or other reasons, and our kids continue to do the same. And phones and modern technology help to keep us close. But I think there is so much to be said for our wise old elders. Some of it may sound silly, old fashioned, or even annoying, but I really think their pearls of wisdom are worth their weight in gold!!!! And I’m all for doing all we can to preserve the structure, value, and traditions of our tribes. And in some cases, we even form new tribes, made up of people we pick up along the way. I think life in community has a great deal to offer everyone, the old, the young, the new at something (marriage, parenthood, a job, a sport, a skill). I think our tribes, whether hereditary or newly formed, are of enormous value to us all. And losing them, and everything they have to teach us, is a tremendous loss, and makes life a lot harder than when you have the peers and elders of your tribe to offer comfort, support, and advice. I think ‘tribes’ in whatever form are great!!!

love, danielle

Tribal living.

Hi Everyone…..I’ve had theories on this subject for a long time, about the value and importance of our ‘tribes’, our original families, in order to share not just pearls of wisdom on important subjects, but all the little pieces of knowledge that our elders pick up along the way in life that apply to sickness, child rearing, childbirth, in the case of women, and undoubtedly things that men need to know as well, and learn from their fathers, brothers, and older relatives. More primal ‘tribes’ long before urban living always had wise men in the tribe, Medicine Men, or simply Elders, who imparted valuable information and were greatly respected for their sage advice. Families provide the same kind of traditions and information, about everything from cooking a traditional favorite meal, to simple health advice, to the best way to get from one place to another. And often, the old fashioned grandmotherly ‘recipes’ and solutions work best. Our ancestors relied on their relatives to tell them how to take care of their children, how to adapt to being a young married, or to learn a craft or a skill. But today, many of those skills and traditions have disappeared, and in many cases, our ‘tribes’ no longer exist. Some of that information now is provided by ‘experts’, how-to books, friends, even strangers, but in my opinion it’s not the same, and we have lost a very, very valuable source of comfort and information with the disbanding of our ‘tribes’, for many reasons. And our families and tribes may be annoying at times, but what they have to share with us is extremely valuable, and sometimes amounts to nothing more than a good dose of common sense.

In modern times, with higher education, broader job opportunities, and sometimes tough economies, people move away. In the ‘old’ days, people remained in one geographical area forever for their entire life times. Today, in every culture and country, that’s extremely rare. Of my own children, 6 of my children (out of 8 of my surviving children) moved to other cities at some point, either for college or to find jobs they couldn’t find in the city where they grew up. Of those six, three have returned to their home town, but the other three now live across the country, and are on their own to live, to work, when they get sick, when they have a problem, when they dont know how something works. We spend lots of time on the phone, talking, and I’m grateful for it, but it’s not the same as being able to come home for dinner when you’re down, or have Mom show up to lend you a hand, or make a home cooked meal (if you have a mother who can cook). Skype is a big help to show a problem on screen, and helps me communicate with my office and kids. But when a friend had a baby recently, and I was providing tidbits of advice, I realized how much we have lost with the dispersal of our families, and by living far away from where we started, often in cities where we have no family at all. With my friend who had the baby, I was providing advice that an aunt, mother or grandmother would have provided if they lived in the same town. Silly little things that are useful to know get lost in the shuffle now. And with an ever more educated population, and people having babies older (sometimes even without a partner, or a family nearby), ‘experts’ have replaced wise old relatives who may sound hokey at times, but usually know what they’re talking about and have some really valuable advice to share about what to expect, and how to solve the problems that come up. I was stunned the first time I heard about a ‘lactation expert’, who is a person who comes to your house and tells you how to nurse your baby. I never had one (I dont think they existed twenty years ago, the baby and I just figured it out). What bothers me about that concept is the sense that you are doing it ‘wrong’ if you havent been ‘taught’ by an expert. Women have been nursing their babies since caveman days, without ‘expert’ advice. It goes counter to my belief that you and your baby know best. But I’ll bet that even in cavemen days, there were wise old women in the community, relatives or otherwise, who shared the same kind of ‘expert advice’. “Here, do it this way”, and then magically something that wasnt going right becomes instantly easier.

I think it is sad that we have lost our ‘tribes’, the elders who hovered over us, and may have annoyed us at times, but had so much real life experience and good advice to share. I’m happy to stand in for absent mothers, sisters, and aunts, and others have done the same for me. We are a mobile society now, nomads of sorts, and many of us wind up in cities far, far from where we started out, where we don’t have a family structure to support us and show us the ropes of life. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon, as we move from city to city, either for jobs or other reasons, and our kids continue to do the same. And phones and modern technology help to keep us close. But I think there is so much to be said for our wise old elders. Some of it may sound silly, old fashioned, or even annoying, but I really think their pearls of wisdom are worth their weight in gold!!!! And I’m all for doing all we can to preserve the structure, value, and traditions of our tribes. And in some cases, we even form new tribes, made up of people we pick up along the way. I think life in community has a great deal to offer everyone, the old, the young, the new at something (marriage, parenthood, a job, a sport, a skill). I think our tribes, whether hereditary or newly formed, are of enormous value to us all. And losing them, and everything they have to teach us, is a tremendous loss, and makes life a lot harder than when you have the peers and elders of your tribe to offer comfort, support, and advice. I think ‘tribes’ in whatever form are great!!!

love, danielle

Persistence Wins The Prize

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to share with you some excitement and delight I have had recently. A beloved, dear friend just had a baby, who is really nothing short of a miracle. My friend, the baby’s Mom, experienced 7 miscarriages and a very late stage stillbirth (only a few weeks before the due date), before this joyous event. She experienced all this heartbreak in less than 3 years, at an age when conception is less than likely, and a successful pregnancy even less so. And now here comes this gorgeous baby!!! Victory at last.

Successful pregnancy is a delicate matter at any age, and given a poor track record (even without one), despite all the help of modern science today, a happy ending just doesn’t always happen and isn’t always possible. I know of so many people who have tried endlessly to no avail, and many have had happy outcomes through other avenues, like adoption or surrogacy. Being determined doesn’t always get the result you want in pregnancy, no matter how hard you try, how desperately you want it, or how much money you pour into it. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work. And it’s wonderful when it does. Or when an alternate solution brings a happy result!!

What impressed me this time, with the friend in question, was how doggedly she pursued her dream, despite failure after failure and loss after loss, some real tragedy and heartbreak, and endless tears (hers, and the tears of those who love her, watching her go through it), in spite of everything, she kept trying again, determined to have it work. After a while, despite all my good wishes for her, the odds just seemed too overwhelming, and I couldn’t imagine a successful result. And interestingly, she herself had taken a break, and got pregnant naturally—–and this time it worked. As the pregnancy progressed, we all feared another disappointment for her. We were very reserved with our excitement and so was she, and all who know and love her are jubilant now over this victory. I am stunned with joy for her, and truly impressed that she never gave up, kept the faith no matter how hard it was and kept on going. I’m made of pretty sturdy stuff, and can be stubborn, but I would have given up long before this. I wouldn’t have had the courage to try this many times. But what a fantastic result for her, and reward for her enormous courage.

It’s a reminder and a lesson to me. As I said above, there are complicated elements in the issues of pregnancy, so one can’t generalize. If there is a serious impediment to pregnancy, it won’t work no matter how many times you try, and at some point, you have to be reasonable about it, and give up the dream, or find another way to put a baby in your life. Although I do have a few friends who were told there was no hope, and then had surprise babies (one of them even had four babies in 4 years, after being told she never would). But barring the medical issues, I can’t help but be impressed by this kind of courage and persistence. To go through 9 disappointments in order to achieve success is heroic and astounding.

My only example of persistence was in my early career, when I sold my first book, no one would touch my next five books (they still live in a box in my basement), and finally on my seventh book, my writing career slowly began to take off. I often remind young writers that if I had given up before #7, I would never have the career I have today. It’s something to think about. I just kept writing and trying and starting again, and at last it worked. The same is true of my friend with her brand new baby.

Wisdom should always rule the day, if there is some serious concrete reason to give up, sometimes one has to, and try to make one’s peace with it. But if not, persistence always wins the prize, as they say. There is a lot to be said for following your dream for as long and as far as you can. As Winston Churchill said “Never give up, Never, Never, Never, Never give up”. Wars have been won with that kind of determination, lives have been saved when it appeared impossible, fabulously successful careers have been built against all odds, improbable love stories have had happy endings…..there is something to be said for not giving up, no matter how daunting the circumstances or how bleak the outlook along the way. And for my friend with the brand new baby, Bravo!!!!….and may God bless you both…..

love, danielle

Remembering Nicky

As many or most of you know, I lost a son, at 19, sixteen years ago (this week). Nick was bipolar all his life, and committed suicide, on his fourth attempt (he tried it the first time at 18, and succeeded 11 months later). And although the other term for bipolar is ‘manic-depressive’, most of the time, he didn’t seem like a depressed person, and when he wasn’t okay, he was more ‘manic’ than depressive. But above all, he was an amazingly fantastic kid, funny, multi-talented, creative, outrageous, nothing fazed him, and he did all the funny outrageous things that most of us wish we had the courage to do. (He politely but definitely leaned over to the restaurant table next to ours once, when he was about 16, had a spoonful of someone’s hot fudge sundae, and said “Wow, that is yummy!!”. And he was so funny and charming and surprising, with the biggest smile you’ve ever seen, that the people with the sundae just laughed and couldn’t get mad at him (although I nearly fell out of my chair with embarrassment when he did it!!). You could never predict what he would do next!

Hard as it is to believe, Nick would be 35 now. That seems ridiculous, because in my heart and head, and memory, he will be a teenager forever. And when he was in his teens, doctors would neither diagnose bi-polar, nor medicate it. The belief then was that you couldn’t diagnose bipolar disease until someone’s early twenties, and doctors refused medication for it before that. It was a major victory then when I got medication for him at 16, and considered way, way, way too early. The doctor who gave him the medication, finally, understood the problems better, as he was bipolar himself. And there are a great many educated, talented, successful people who are bipolar. And not everyone dies of bipolar disease, just like not everyone dies of cancer, but some do. And untreated, bipolar can be lethal. From the moment Nick was put on lithium at 16, everything in his life changed. He said he felt normal for the first time in his life, and he went to school and did well, was happy, and pursued a career in music. He had three happy years on the medication, until it stopped working as well for him, and he went off it a few times and ultimately died. Today, bipolar is diagnosed as early as age 3, and medicated at 4 or 5, perhaps younger. And the belief now is that if they are medicated early, they can actually lead a better, healthier life. But that was unheard of when Nick was that age, and simply not available to us. It’s hard to know, but possibly if he had been medicated earlier, he might still be alive today. It was probably already too late for Nick by the time we got medication for him at 16. I don’t think he was destined to be here long, and when I read his diaries afterwards, I discovered that he had been contemplating suicide since he was eleven, although one would never have suspected it, if you knew him. (I wrote a book about him afterwards, called “His Bright Light”)

That’s the sad part of the story. The happy part is that he was a happy, exuberant, wild funny kid. He could always make you laugh, and laughed a lot himself. He discovered hair dye at about 15, and worked his way through turquoise, royal blue, and green, before settling on black which suited him (better than green). I think his most distinctive personality trait was how funny he was. He was incredibly smart, had a genius IQ, and had a huge talent for music. He began singing with a band at 15, sang with another band at 17, and they were becoming very successful by the time he died. He was the lead singer and worked hard, and had gone on tour with his band three times. He was hugely talented and dedicated to singing, being a musician, and writing lyrics (which were actually good), and there are still CD’s of his work being sold, the band he achieved the most success with was Link 80. He sang and played punk rock and reggae.

Nicky stories are legion in our family, and among people who knew him. People still contact me today, whom I don’t know but knew him, to tell me touching or funny stories about him, which is always very poignant. He had a huge heart and always wanted to help someone more unfortunate, and always had deep compassion for the homeless. He was a deep person despite his sense of humor and easy laugh. (And there are heart wrenching entries from his diaries in my book). From all his own suffering, he had a deep compassion for other people. And he and I were very close, because we went through so much together, and our whole family and his eight siblings adored him. He was our hero.

So now, we remember the stories. We smile at the memories, we still laugh at the outrageous stunts he pulled, and that smile could have lit up a room. We were blessed to know him and love him, and nineteen years with him seems far too short, but we were lucky to have him for as long as we did. The world will remember him, through his music, our memories, and my words. And he will live in my heart forever. He will always be my special boy, the angel who flew away too soon (and he could be a little monster when he wanted to, especially as a little kid!!). He died on September 20th, sixteen years ago, and I couldn’t let the date pass without sharing him with you.

Love, Danielle