Danielle Steel's Blog, page 50

YOU!!!

Hi Everyone,

I just read the comments on my blog, and I have tears in my eyes. You are so kind to me, so generous, so full of praise, so compassionate and caring about the things I do or that happen to me. Rather than follow some other topic, I wanted to respond to all of you today, to thank you for the lovely messages you write to me, and to tell you what it means to me. I write the stories that come to my head and heart, some inspired by my own experiences, some not, I write and edit them for at least two years, and then they get published and go out in the world to you, and I have no way of knowing what they mean to you, until I see comments like the ones you leave on this blog. So it is so heart-warming to me to know that you love the books, and enjoy them, and they are either helpful or meaningful to you. Thank you with all my heart for your comments. Truly, you warm my heart, and make the long, long hours of hard work late into so many nights worthwhile!!

A few of you asked direct questions. I felt terrible about the lady who got a very old paperback book of mine which was defectively printed and had about 20 missing pages, and wanted to know what to do about it. Since it’s one of my early books, there’s not much anyone can do about it now, although it’s good for us to know. Hopefully, you can find another copy of the book somewhere. I’m REALLY sorry that happened!!!

Someone else asked if I work from an outline. Yes, I do. I get an idea, I scribble notes about it on a big notepad. The theme of the book starts to come clear, and then I start outlining the characters, who would be in that story, what would they bring to it, why are they in that situation, what is their background. I need to ‘know’ who their parents and grandparents are, how they grew up, to make them react the way they do and who they are. I outline all the characters in the book, and then I spend hours figuring out the right names for them. I have a whole shelf of “What to Name the Baby” books. And then when I really ‘know’ my characters, I outline the story, broadly, and then finally chapter by chapter. The more detailed the outline is, the clearer the story will be to me when I actually write the book. If I’m too vague, it slows me down later on, so I have to figure it out. I discuss it once or twice with my editor, and she makes comments about the direction I’m going. Sometimes I agree with her, and sometimes I don’t, and she’s very, very good at what she does. I always have some kind of message I want to share with you, in addition to the story. For instance, in my newest hardcover “Winners”, each of the people involved in the story have had some very bad situation in their lives: a divorce, breast cancer, a failed business, the loss of a loved one/spouse, as well as the heroine’s accident who becomes paralyzed from the waist down at the beginning of the book. Her life was ski racing, as a member of the US Olympic ski team. She is 17 years old in the book. In fighting to get back her life after the accident, her courage inspires each of the other people in the book, and helps them fight the good fight against what has happened to them. We all face those challenges in different ways. We EACH have our challenges, the loss of a job, or someone we love, a failed marriage, a failed business, loss of a career (getting laid off), a sick child, a discouraging time, financial worries, the loss of a friend, family troubles, or kids acting out and out of line, our spouse or partner having an affair. Stuff happens, as they say. This book is about courage, and fighting against the odds to get our lives back in a good place again. It’s never easy, but in almost every situation, we can turn it around in some way, maybe not in the way we originally thought, but sometimes even better than before. Anyway, once I get the story outlined in detail, and I know my characters really well, and the ‘message’ of the book is clear to me, then the outline is done, and I can start the book. The outline can take me a month if the story is very clear to me, or up to a year. And the book takes about 2 years, allowing time for about 5 or 6 re-writes on it. It’s a long process, which is why I work on several books at once. So that’s how I do it.

Have all the stories in the books happened to me? No. Some have. Some haven’t. And sometimes I take an experience that did happen to me, and use the emotions of that and apply them to another situation. I have to write about things I care about, so I can make the story real. We all deal with different variations of the themes I write about, the challenges, the heartbreaks, the disappointments, the hopes, the joys. Things happen in all of our lives. I’ve been married, I have a lot of children, I’ve been divorced, I lost a son, as most of you know. I’ve had a lot of opportunities to have life experiences and learn from them. We all have. Our humanity and what has happened to us is the bond we share. The emotions in a book have to be real to me. And I try to write about things I know. And even about places I know. When I don’t know a place, an industry, or a time in history, I research it very, very carefully, and I have a wonderful researcher I have worked with for my whole career, so she teaches me about the places, industries, and periods of history I don’t know. The whole process is a labor of love.

And for those of you who want me to sign your books, I wish I could. But it would be too complicated to send them all back to people all over the world. I get fan mail through the website of my publisher at daniellesteel.com and if you ask for a signed photograph, I can send you that, autographed to whoever you want. I’m sorry I can’t sign your books!!

You have all proven to me that why I did this website originally was a good idea. Because I do so few interviews, and like keeping a low profile, I felt that I had so little opportunity to ‘chat’ and connect with you on a more personal level, to share my thoughts, and personal experiences with you. It is so wonderful to know that you enjoy sharing that with me, that you enjoy this blog, and that what I write is meaningful to you. thank you for your wonderful comments, for your kindness to me, and for being part of my life. I can’t begin to tell you how much it means to me, and how much YOU mean to me. I am sooooo grateful for you!!!

love, danielle

Amazing New Year!

Hi Everyone,

I hope your New Year has been terrific so far, and that the  holidays were fun or at least satisfactory, and  now we can look ahead  to the New Year!!!

The year is young and I’ve already had some wonderful surprises. I shared with you my mixed emotions about New Year’s eve, which never measures up to what I hope it will be, which is true for a lot of people. Well, this year, it sure did measure up, and then some!!. Two of my children wound up being home with me, from the other cities where they live, and they very sweetly decided to spend New Year’s eve with me, which was a VERY nice surprise. I had been planning to just cash it in this year, and climb into my pajamas and watch re-runs of Downton Abbey, and go to sleep. But my kids spending that night with me was a terrific surprise. And two of my other local children decide to join us for New Year’s eve. (I haven’t spent New Year’s eve with my children for about 15 years, since understandably they had more exciting things to do on New Year’s eve than spend it with me!!). So instead of curling up with my two Chihuahuas, and watching TV as planned, I got to spend the evening with four of my kids. They cooked a delicious dinner, and shopped for it before, made all of my favorites, they set the table beautifully, arranged flowers, and I got to spend the evening with the people I love. We laughed and talked over dinner, were joined by one daughter’s husband, my son’s fiancée, the boy who has become part of our family for the past 13 years and lived with us when he was in school, and two of their friends dropped by after dinner. We played silly games after dinner and laughed a lot, and thanks to my children, the evening combined elegance, delicious food, a loving group, and good fun and lots of laughs. What could be better??? I can honestly say it was the best New Year’s eve of my life, and I’d have to go a long, long way to match this one!!! There’s no question, the home team is best, and part of what made it so special was that it was so unexpected. At their age, in their early and mid 20′s, most people don’t want to spend New Year’s eve with their mother, so it was a real gift of love from them. It was really terrific!!!

The next morning, on New Year’s morning, I was sad to see my daughters leave, and to see the holidays end. It was a warm, cozy family holiday this year, and it’s rare for all of us to be together. But we were all together on Christmas this year. and my children from other cities spent almost two weeks at home, which was the best gift of all. On New Year’s morning, they left at the crack of dawn, and the house seemed sadly empty, just me and the dogs…..But before I had time to get seriously glum about it, I got an email with another big surprise. Twelve years ago, I received a great honour from the French government, and was decorated (got a beautiful medal!!) and knighted as an ‘Officer’ or the Order of Arts and Letters in France, which is a big honor, and I was truly thrilled. It was in honour of my writing career and many books, and the decoration and all that it signifies has meant a great deal to me, since I have spent a lot of my life in France. And on New Year’s morning, I got the astounding news that I am going to be decorated for a second time, and ‘knighted’ again, this time with the prestigious Legion of Honor, also in France. It’s the most important decoration in France, and it’s more for lifetime achievement, and the things you have accomplished in your life, my writing, I guess, the two foundations I have founded to assist the homeless and the mentally ill, and to prevent suicide and child abuse, and perhaps for my involvement in the arts, and now in music. It has been given to some very impressive people, few Americans, and not many women. And no matter who you are, and what you’ve done, when you get a big award like that, your first reaction (or mine anyway) is—Who? ME??? I am so very grateful for such an honour, and REALLY thrilled!!! There will be a ceremony sometime in the next few months to give me the medal, and hopefully my family and the people I love will be there.

So the year is off to a great start, I got to start it with the children I love, and I got a wonderful honour…..I hope it’s an omen of a good year to come. And I hope that your year ahead will be AMAZING!!!

with much love,  danielle

Unexpected Gifts and Guests

Hi Everyone,

Well the year is drawing to a close. It’s been a year of hard work, a lot of writing, a lot of travelling back and forth between the two cities/countries where I live, time with my kids whenever possible, and some lovely times with them, some wins, some losses, and some home runs. It’s been a challenging year for some who are happy to see the year end. And we all seem to work harder than we used to, in a much tougher economy. There is a seriousness to that, which none of us can ignore or avoid, the hard economic times touch us all. And on a personal level, my youngest son got engaged, so we’ll have a wedding in the family next year.

Christmas was hectic, but wonderful, and as I ponder it, I realize how many blessings came my way. As I said in an earlier blog, I feel lucky and blessed. I got home, I didn’t get snowed in or delayed along the way, not always a sure thing this time of year. I had Christmas gatherings with good friends in Paris, and San Francisco, which allowed me to see some friends I hadn’t seen all year, which is always fun. And I realize how lucky I was that all of my kids were with me on Christmas, which wasn’t the original plan. It’s not easy to get everyone together, and although my five youngest planned to be with me on Christmas, it’s more challenging for the three older ones, with in laws, their own plans, and families of their own. This year, all three of my older married children decided not to celebrate with us, which was disappointing for me, but understandable, and I made my peace with it. In years past, it was easier and everyone was here. Now it’s sometimes touch and go as to who can come, and I am very, very grateful to have as many of them with me as can make it. And I resigned myself to not having my three older children with us for the holidays. I tried not to be too disappointed, and tried to be philosophical about it and let it go. That left me with the younger 5 kids, and usually their boyfriends and girlfriends go home to their own families. But this year, all their significant others were able to join us, so our group grew. Then, I discovered that my son in law’s mother was able to join us too, which was a lot of fun. A few days before Christmas, two of the three missing older ones decided to change their plans and come, which was great news. And one of them announced that she was bringing her parents in law, more good news since I like them very much. The children’s father’s first wife joins us for Christmas every year and brings her terrific now 95 year old mother with her, who is a surrogate grandmother to my children. This year, she announced that she was bringing her best friend, another 95 year old lady, and they were the stars of the show. Both are in great shape, still beautiful, go out to parties all the time and travel, and have a busier social life than I do. So we had two very lively 95 year old women as part of the group for Christmas. And fifteen minutes before dinner, my oldest son called with a change of plans, and decided to come home for dinner too. So presto magic, our group of thirteen for dinner on Christmas night grew to 27. The age range at dinner was from 6 to 95. And it was an important lesson for me. I was willing to accept that not all of my children would be with us, and tried not to make an issue of it, and then unexpectedly, at the last minute, all of them came home, and I was so grateful to have Christmas with them, their spouses, significant others, in laws, and even a 95 year old friend. It was a big blessing for me, and a reminder that life sometimes gives you unexpected gifts, and abundance you didn’t even dare to hope for. It was a very happy Christmas as a result, we had dinner together on Christmas eve and Christmas Day, and a good time hanging around in pajamas, crowded into the kitchen eating left overs after opening gifts on Christmas Day. So it was a merry Christmas here this year. And like any family, there were a few crabby moments, the usual holiday tensions when people get tired and stressed, but on the whole, a good time was had by all, and the blessings of the season touched us all.

So my Christmas was bigger and fuller and busier than I expected it to be, which was the best gift of all for me. And I’m having the same kind of experience with New Year’s eve. New Year just isn’t a holiday I love. It’s one of those nights when people work too hard at having fun, it can be dangerous to be on the roads so I don’t go out, and it’s one of those nights like musical chairs, when if you’re not part of a couple, you feel like the odd man out, and can wind up with no one you care about to spend it with, or no plans at all, and sit home feeling like a loser watching TV. (Valentine’s Day is one of those couple’s nights too, and I have mixed feelings about that too.) But New Year’s eve can be a real opportunity to feel sorry for yourself. When I was married and my kids were small, we used to serve the kids ginger ale and pretend it was midnight hours before it really was, and then my husband and I would go to bed and fall asleep watching movies on TV. Those were actually my best New Year’s eves. After that, once divorced, I gave elaborate formal dinner dances on New Year’s eve, and there was always some kind of drama or misery attached to it, not sure who my date would be at my own party. Married again, we gave some very fancy New Year’s eve dinner parties in black tie, and they were fun. And once single again, and trying to avoid that left-out feeling again, I gave poker parties on New Year’s eve, with fast food on the table, and that was a lot of fun. Not having a hot romance or date on New Year’s eve, I could at least make ten dollars playing poker, and eat a hot dog or a cheeseburger. It took the edge off not having someone to kiss at midnight. And then I graduated down to small dinners with a few friends on New Year’s eve. But whatever you do that night, it always seems like a lot of work, rarely lives up to expectations, and most of the time you wind up wishing you were doing something else. I’ve never had the courage, once single again, to do nothing and just go to bed and forget the evening entirely. I always felt as though I HAD to do something, and spend the evening with friends. Until this year. This year for the first time, I decided not to make the effort, and go to bed with my dogs, and watch movies on TV, the way I used to do long ago when I was married. And I don’t drink and never have, so there is no worry about toasting anyone with champagne at midnight. I don’t know why, but this year I decided to take a year off from the festivities and see how it would feel. And the friends I usually spend that evening with decided to do the same. I used to worry that doing nothing on New Year’s eve would depress me, this year it sounded good to me. I didn’t have to figure out what to wear, put a good face on it because I had no ‘hot date’ to spend it with. It sounded okay to me to do nothing, and stay home on my own. And yesterday, I got another unexpected gift. Three of my children announced that they wanted to come home and have dinner with me that night, on New Year’s eve, which is very generous of them, and sounded great to me. They’re in their 20′s, and I’m sure they can all find something more exciting to do on New Year’s eve than spend the evening with me. But I am so grateful for the gift of their spending the evening with me. I can’t wait. We’re going to cook dinner together, and we’ll be at home together to see the New Year in. I can’t think of a better way to spend it, or anyone I’d rather spend it with!!! And it was yet another reminder to me that sometimes when you expect absolutely nothing, and resign yourself to less than you might have hoped for, Life suddenly gives you a gift, and you end up having more fun than you expected, with people you love and get to spend time with after all. I expected to do absolutely nothing this year, and instead, spending it with three of my children, one son in law, and my son’s fiancee sounds like a terrific plan. I’m so grateful for this unexpected gift, and it’s such a loving thing for them to do, to spend the evening with me. The others will be busy with their own plans, in other cities, and their own friends and families, which is okay too. So for once, I am REALLY looking forward to New Year’s eve. So I really lucked out for the holidays this year, unexpectedly!!!

However you spend New Year’s eve, alone, with friends, with family, dressed up and out dancing, at home in jeans, with a hot date, someone you love, or maybe with people you wish you weren’t with—-I hope that your hopes and dreams and wishes for the new year all come true. I hope that you get to spend New Year’s eve exactly as you would want to, and if not this year, then next year. I hope that the new year brings you health, prosperity, happiness, peace, love, hope. Remember that anything is possible, and I will cling to the belief for you, and for myself, that the best is yet to come. This coming year can be anything that you want it to be, and that you dream it will be. I wish you the very, very, very best new year ever, with so much love to you,

danielle

Busy Days

Hi Everyone,

Whew….this is the week when every year I speed through 3 cities and 2 countries in the space of a few days, in order to get home for Christmas with my children. In theory, Christmas is a happy time of year, although sometimes we get so buried in the details of it, that we forget the bigger picture, the meaning of the holidays (if you believe in those meanings), and forget to be grateful for what we do have, rather than regretful or even resentful of what we don’t. I am always grateful to get home. The weather can be dicey in both Paris and New York in December, and I always worry about getting snowed in, in either city, and missing the holiday with my family entirely. And being too busy too much of the time, and usually working til the last minute, I worry that I might get sick, catch a flu and be unable to fly. And although I flirted with some kind of bug before I came home, nothing much came of it, so I was able to fly. I stop in New York on the way home for Christmas, to celebrate the birthday of one of my daughters who was born a week before Christmas. So I was happy to spend a day with her in New York on the way home, which is always a treat for me. And it was freezing in New York.

So laden like a beast of burden, with a suitcase full of gifts (which broke and exploded at the airport, but fortunately nothing got lost, but I had to replace the suitcase in New York), and my two dogs in their traveling bags, I boarded the plane in Paris, and whipped through New York, and got home in time for Christmas, and everything I need to do before. I pride myself on being a very organized person, and my whole family makes fun of me because I start Christmas shopping in August, but I have a lot of kids and people to buy presents for, so I like to get an early start, and hate the last minute rush. But no matter how organized I am, there are always people I have forgotten, things that don’t arrive, last minute requests from my kids, so I end up rushing as much as anyone else.

And although in many ways I am blessed, and have many children, and am grateful not to spend the holidays alone, as many do, even that is not always as easy as it appears. Important holidays are often as much about the people who are not there, as about those who are. It has been many years now since my son Nick died, and to some extent I have adjusted to it. But no matter how philosophical you try to be, it remains a hole in your heart when you lose a child, or someone you love that much. My ex husband (with whom I remained very close), the father of my children, passed away two years ago, and we feel his absence sorely too. I was standing at the Paris airport, juggling the dogs, my purse, a tote bag, my briefcase, waiting for the flight, when suddenly I was so overwhelmed by missing my son that I could hardly breathe. It was as though I had lost him yesterday. I could easily remember all his sweetness, his funny antics, how much he loved Christmas, how much we loved each other, how loving his hugs were, and I felt as though the bottom had fallen out of my world, again. I could barely speak I was so overwhelmed with grief when I got on the plane. In many ways, particularly on holidays, that is a wound that never fully heals, and suddenly when you least expect it, you are broadsided by the loss again. And in today’s complicated world, where families are broken up into different cities, suddenly it’s not as easy to get together as it once was. My three older now married children have their own lives, homes, families, in laws, and don’t spend Christmas with us anymore. And although I try to be reasonable about it, that makes me sad too. It seems only yesterday when all 9 children were around our table, laughter and happiness were the order of the day, and it seemed as though life would be simple and happy forever, which we all know is never the case. And holidays put a lot of stress on all of us. Arguments and disappointments seem to come to a head then, when time is short and nerves are frayed. Disagreements are remembered, and instead of peace and joy, dissent can become the order of the day. It’s so easy to remember how happy things used to be, and to be acutely aware of how different they are now. And the addition of in laws can be a challenge in some families, suddenly we are not just surrounded by our children but there are strangers with different points of view in our midst, and we all get pulled many ways. And during the holidays we are even challenged sometimes by finding ourselves nose to nose with relatives we don’t get along with or like, and arguments are best avoided at the holiday table, and you have to bite your tongue. I don’t mean to harp on the downside of the holidays, but it’s comforting in a way to admit to it, because it’s something we all deal with. Life changes, people change, circumstances change and our happiest holiday memories may be different than the reality we live today. I think it happens to us all. And no matter how beautiful the table looks, how great the presents are, or how many adult children are at my table (more than most), on Christmas eve I will still feel the absence of my son, and his father, we will all feel it, whether we put it into words or not.

I got home last night, after 2 long flights, and the quick stop in New York. The dogs and I survived the flight. I unpacked when I got home. I ran around like a maniac all day today, and will all weekend, with final preparations and even last minute shopping. I gave a Santa lunch for my grandchildren today, which was fun. They’re very young, and only two out of five were able to come, but I was grateful to have them there. My own children who live in other cities are coming home today, and I am giving a Christmas party tonight for friends I often don’t see all year long, since I’m not in California full time anymore. There is a bittersweet feeling to the holidays, which are as much about our history as the present day.

I have so much to be grateful for, and I am, and I often share with you how important gratitude is in our lives. But our memories are tender and nostalgic and often bittersweet. I remember the skating parties we gave for our children, our friends and their children, when my children were younger, and how much fun we had. I remember how wonderful it was when the kids all still lived at home, when we didn’t have to plan visits to other cities to see each other, when work didn’t rule our lives quite as much. I remember baking with the kids for their teachers and our friends. We made brownies for everyone….it was all so easy and so happy, and life looked like a Christmas card. But today is sweet too. And times change. It’s a challenge to adjust to the changes, and as a wise friend of mine says “That was then. This is now.” Now is always different in all our lives. My ‘work’ this Christmas is to remember how lucky we are to have now, and the blessings that we do. And even if life is stressful, we no longer live in the same city, if the brownie tins we filled are long forgotten, and the skating parties are only a memory, and not all of us are together on holidays anymore, and even if at time tensions mount…..we still have much to be grateful for. I wonder sometimes what my son Nick would be like if he were still alive today, he would probably be busy, with his life and career, probably live in another city, and rush home for a few days, as we all do now. We all grew up, and so did I. But I am grateful for the blessings of the Christmas we do have, as well as the Christmases we used to have. How sweet and beautiful they were!!!

May your Christmas be peaceful, happy, stress free, among people and relatives you like. If you have children, I hope they can come home, or that you’re with them. And if your family has dispersed and you’re on your own, may a loving angel of Christmas bring kind people into your life, and the miracle of love and grace. And thank YOU for your kindness to me all year, your lovely messages, and the letters I get from you. May you be blessed during these holidays, and always, and may these holidays be filled with love for you.

love, danielle

True Confessions, or Blue Confessions

Hi Everyone,

Okay. I have a confession to make. And if you’re expecting something juicy and sexy, you’ll be disappointed. I indulged myself shockingly about 2 months ago, and it has taken me 2 months to confess it. But now, here I go.

Two years ago now, before Thanksgiving, I was looking to find a dog to travel with me. I had been looking for months, and needed a very small dog that I could take on and off planes, in a travel bag in the cabin. And eventually, after months of searching, true love happened. I fell in love with a TINY (less than one pound) white long haired Chihuahua that was the cutest thing I have ever seen. As an aside, I find that once adult, or perhaps as young adults, children take a hard line with their parents. My children’s mantra is “You don’t need that!” Oh. Whatever it may be. Another purse in a weird color, another pair of high heeled black shoes (a woman can never have too many pairs of black shoes, particularly high heels), some piece of furniture I decide I want….or even a person I want in my life, as friend, employee, or other. In their opinion, a parent is a loving service bureau, with a crisis hot line 24/7. We don’t really need a social life, even less a man if we’re single, besides that would only interfere with our availability. We need to be poised at the ready at all times, and anything you do that could distract from that poses a threat to them. So forget boyfriends, high heels, a silly dress you want desperately, friends in some cases, and other distractions. You are to be standing ready to leap, fully focused at all times. In the case of the adorable white chihuahua I fell in love with, only one daughter (of all my kids, and I have many) was supportive of my getting her. The others were all outraged. What do you need a dog for? The idea that a parent might be lonely, sad, need company, or need even a doggie pal to talk to after the kids grow up and leave is totally foreign to them. It’s not mean-spirited, I suspect, it just never occurs to them that you might be lonely or have needs too, other than just being a parent. In any case, I bravely ignored their stern critical comments and disapproval, was grateful for the support of the one daughter, and fell totally in love with Minnie Mouse, my adorable white Chihuahua, who is now 2 years old, one of the great dog loves of my life, terrific company and super affectionate, and weighs 2 pounds full grown. She is totally pampered and loved, (has a ridiculous wardrobe of tiny pink sweaters) and makes me happy. She has kept me company on many a long, lonely night, and travels everywhere with me. (you can read all about her and my other dogs over the years in my current little gift book “Pure Joy”, which came out last month, and is a fun gift for any dog lover. I love that little book and am very proud of it. And it has 40 photos in it, of my dogs and my kids’ dogs, and some dogs I have given to friends).

Fast forward the film 2 years to this past October, almost exactly 2 years after I found Minnie in a pet shop in NY. I was doing an errand for one of my daughters, and on a whim, “for old times’ sake”, I stopped in at the same pet store, “just to look”. “Just to look” at anything usually turns out to be a lie. Somewhere in my heart of hearts, there must have been a tiny window open, just big enough for a new puppy. Oh oh. Big Uh oh!!! I’d been back to that pet store before, for supplies, and saw the usual cute puppies, none of whom snagged my heart. But they know me at that store, and just as they did with Minnie, two years before, they came out of the back room carrying a 14 oz., eight week old short haired “Blue” Chihuahua (a kind of steely blue gray, a very rare color). She was ridiculously small, and once again looked like a mouse. I held her for a few minutes, and whereas Minnie had been timid and shy, this puppy was adventuresome and brave and funny, and fearless once we set her down. And I started falling in love, while telling myself I didn’t need another dog, and that managing two dogs on my travels might be too much. I tried hard to cling to reason (with little success). I mentioned her to my children that night, who were unanimous this time. The consensus was that I was nuts, don’t even think about it. I got NO family support about the new puppy. None. I was told to forget it. And honestly, I tried. For three days the little blue gray chihuahua puppy haunted me, and not only did I have my children’s disapproval to deal with, but my guilt toward Minnie, who had become the princess in my life. How would she feel about it? I did the only possible thing, I lied to everyone, including Minnie. I went back and saw the puppy again before I left New York, with one of my daughters who was adamant. You don’t need her. DON’T do it. So I paid for the puppy in secret and told no one. She had to stay at the pet shop for a month because she was too young and too small to go home. I literally told no one what I had done. And surely not my kids. I didn’t even mention it to you on this blog. For a whole month, I said nothing, and then it was time to bring her home. She didn’t have all of her vaccinations yet, so I couldn’t take her to France yet, and had to send her home to California, which required admitting my dark secret to a kind employee, who promised to take care of her until I came home.

And because she is officially ‘blue”, I named her Baby Blue Angel. I should have called her Blue Secret.

I still have one daughter who lives at home, my youngest. And the day after the puppy arrived at my home (without me), my daughter called two of her sisters. “There’s a dog in the house and it doesn’t belong to anyone. Do you know who it belongs to?” No one knew, but my other daughters rapidly began to suspect the culprit. It was me, of course. I still admitted nothing. Dog? What dog? I don’t know. (It’s amazing how one can feel 10 years old at times faced with one’s children). I had bought a playpen, beds, blankets, toys, bowls and all the paraphernalia for a new puppy, but said not a word to a soul, except the person taking care of her while I was away. And when I got home, three weeks later, I had to face the music and confess. Everyone thought I was ridiculous, and remind be unhappy. My adult kids would get over it. Minnie might not, I feared. An intruder had arrived on her turf, wanted to play with her toys, sleep in her favorite bed, and wanted my attention. Those first weeks were a juggling act, harder than any I experienced with my kids, who were always good humored about the arrivals of their siblings. I did a LOT of apologizing to Minnie, and trying to keep both of them happy. And on Thanksgiving, everyone came home, and fell in love with the new puppy, who is adorable. We call her Baby Blue, or just Blue. And suddenly I was no longer a self-indulgent criminal, and maybe I wasn’t as crazy as they thought. Two of the girls fell totally in love with her, and even my youngest son who was anti-Minnie for an entire year, thought Blue was very cute. And indeed she is. Minnie is not quite as convinced. And a month after I got home with Minnie, and she met Blue, things are starting to calm down. The mesh between the two is not perfect yet, but we’re getting there. And Blue made her first trip to Paris with us. And like all puppies, she pesters Minnie a lot, and wants to play constantly, which sometimes annoys Minnie, but they are very cute together, so maybe I wasn’t so crazy after all. And the kids have adjusted too, and have forgiven me for getting Blue. Whew!!

So now I am confessing to you. I have a new puppy. She is adorable. I love Minnie just as much as before, but have room in my heart and life for Blue too. She’s only four months old, so she is still a lot of work, and it takes some managing traveling with 2 dogs, but it’s worth it. And I’m so glad I have her!!! I will attach photos of her to this blog.The white long haired Chihuahua is Minnie, and the little gray one is Blue. She is full of mischief!!! Amazing how anything so small can be so much work, but she is totally worth it!!! And Minnie is still the beloved princess, and Blue a happy addition to our lives. So it goes to show that sometimes maybe it’s a good idea not to listen to one’s children. I may not need her, or even Minnie, but I love them. And I am still there for my kids too obviously!!! My availability to them, and love for them, has not diminished as the result of acquiring another 2 pound dog!!

I wrote a book about Minnie and the dogs in our family over the years, with some pet owning advice. It’s called “Pure Joy”, and came out last month, with 40 photos in it. If you’re a dog lover, or know one, it’s an adorable little book and I love it. It makes a great gift, and I’m very proud of it. Blue isn’t in it of course, since I got her after it came out. I hope you get that book and love it. (and I have children’s books coming out next year about Minnie, and will probably write one about Blue).

So there it is. Now you know the truth. I fell in love with another Chihuahua. We all have our weaknesses, and that seems to be mine. I have nine kids, so who can be surprised that I have two tiny Chihuahuas? I can see objecting to a herd of elephants in the house, or alligators, or hippos.But 2 two pound dogs??? Sometimes you just have to go with your heart, no matter what anyone says, and I did. And I’m so glad I did!!! Take a look at those photos. Could you have resisted her? I couldn’t, and I’m so happy I got her.

love, danielle

Ladies’ Lunch

Hi Everyone,

I hope December is off to a good start for you, with the drumbeat of the holidays approaching, the things we love about them, and the things that concern us. I’m still frantically looking for last minute gifts for my kids. It was a lot easier when new bicycles and special dolls were the order of the day!!! I was remembering the other day that we used to hide all their gifts in the basement (gifts for 9 kids!!), and would haul them all up four flights of stairs to the top floor of our house, after the kids went to sleep on Christmas eve. My husband and I would spend hours, dragging everything upstairs, and then assembling toys, playhouses, bikes. It was a lonnnggggggggg night with very little sleep, and it seemed like only minutes after we finally got to bed, when they’d all be awake , squealing with amazement and delight. It was a lot of work, but SOOOO much fun!!! It’s hard to reproduce that kind of excitement and innocence once they’re adults. We play a game after dinner now on Christmas eve, where everyone brings some small silly gifts to the table (as ridiculous as possible), and people get to choose them (I think you have to guess who brought the gift and if you guess right you get to keep it and get another turn, but future guessers get to steal the gift away from you if they want it and win their turn). It involves choosing, and then stealing a gift from the others. And it gets funnier and funnier as people steal totally absurd gifts from each other. The prize objects last year were a Chewbacca backpack that my youngest son refused to give up, and a monster hat my youngest daughter loved and kept stealing back until she got to keep it. We all laughed a lot and loved it. You find yourself doing battle over some crazy object you would never have wanted otherwise. I provided a book on swear words in several languages, which was highly prized!!! The lucky winner was then able to insult all of us in Russian and Japanese. It’s a funny game one of my daughters introduced to us a few years ago, and it’s a big hit. Although everyone is grown up now, we still leave out cookies and milk for Santa and carrots for the reindeer (all of which disappears by morning), and I still write everyone a letter from Santa, which they find with their stocking in the morning. And last year Santa left me a letter too!! It’s sweet hanging onto our old traditions, no matter how grown up they are!!! It reminds us all of the simpler days when they were younger.

I had a special treat this week, and a really fun time. I give a women’s Christmas lunch for my good friends every year, to start off the season. I used to do it in San Francisco, when I was married and lived there full time, and invited about 20 women, and now I do it in Paris. It’s smaller, and I still do it with my favorite women friends. There were eight of us this year, and four more couldn’t come. They are a really interesting group of women, and being an observer of human nature as a writer, several things struck me afterwards as I thought about the lunch. And also the things that bond you to people, and that you have in common alter slightly over the years. When your kids are young, most of your friends have children the same age (which is still somewhat true today), and often just time and history is enough to keep friends close, and with time, you need to have more in common, and common interests which cement that bond of friendship. When I thought about this year’s group after the lunch, it occurred to me what a lively group of enterprising women they are, and all have interesting careers. At the lunch this year, there were 2 writers (and another writer couldn’t come as she was away to promote her newest book), a book publisher, a woman who just started her own clothing design company, after working for years in fashion, a book editor, an attorney (who practices law in 2 countries, England and France, and lives in 4 countries), a woman who has run luxury companies for years and has just started her own, and a woman who owned a famous restaurant for years. Their age range was from 45 to 60, and all of them have really interesting jobs. On further thought, 6 were French, one English and one American. 5 are married, 3 divorced (which is probably representative of national statistics in most Western countries these days. And all 3 were divorced after long marriages), only one has no children, and among the other 7 of us, we collectively have 25 children, which is a lot of kids (and 3 are grandmothers). The age ranges of our children were from 12 to late thirties. Most of them have 3 kids, which is also interesting since they are all working women and have fairly big careers, so we all have in common the juggling act it has been to have children and work. We talked about politics, which is pretty common in Europe, business, our kids, life. No one talked about fashion, and contrary to what most men believe about women’s gatherings, no one talked about men or sex. (I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation with other women about sex, except maybe once with a close friend.) Men always think we talk about them, or about our sex lives, which I have never found to be true. Most women are a lot more discreet than men think, and keep those subjects to themselves. There was no bitchiness at the lunch, they just aren’t bitchy women (I can’t stand bitchy women, and am careful to stay away from them!!) the atmosphere was supportive and interested. There was no tinge of jealousy, or ‘the desperate house wives of Paris”, everyone was interested in what the others are doing. All are good looking women who take care of themselves and are in good shape—and as a trivial detail, I noticed that not a single one of them (including me) has had a face lift or looks like they use Botox. They still have their ‘original’ faces and looked terrific and younger than their age. (By contrast, in the States, I recently had lunch with three friends I hadn’t seen in a long time, and was startled to see that all 3 had had major face lifts, and I hadn’t. And even my daughters’ friends in their early 20′s already get Botox, which shocks me. Most European women don’t do that, although some do, but the majority doesn’t. I think they look more natural and prettier without plastic surgery (I’m too cowardly to ever do it!!!), and I think if you had seen any of the women at my Paris lunch, you would have thought them attractive, and even beautiful, without a face lift!! So many women overdo that!!). And all of them have interesting side activities as well, one of the busiest women in the group, aside from her law career, travels to high schools, as part of a group, to have open discussions with teenagers on the subject of discrimination, to dispel the prejudices against people of other races and religions, to try and stop racism among youth before it takes hold, and despite diverse backgrounds. It’s an amazing project, and was fascinating to hear about it. All of them are engaged in either some kind of charitable or philanthropic activity, and have a passion of some kind. It was a terrific lunch and I loved it, and being with them. It was energizing and fun. It was also further proof of the old adage that ‘birds of a feather stick together”, all of us in that group are busy, active women, engaged with our families and working hard, and trying to do some good in the world, in interesting and different ways. It was wonderful being with them, they have no axe to grind, no one was angry or bitter, they were just warm, interesting women, engaged in interesting pursuits. I have my share of friends who don’t work too, and I love them, but it’s exciting to be around people, men or women, who are excited about life, and trying to make a difference either in their own worlds, or the broader world, like the friend waging the fight against racism among high school kids. It was a really great experience having lunch with them. I see all of them frequently throughout the year, but it was nice to be all together at one table. It gave me a real boost to see them. Good friends are a powerful positive force in one’s life, and I am grateful to have them in my life. They make my life a better place!!!

Other than that, I’ve been wrapping Christmas gifts—-I wrap like a 5 year old, with tape all over the place and messy corners. My daughters wrap gifts exquisitely, I almost hate to open them, they look so beautiful. Mine look like the dog could have wrapped them better. And now, I’d better get busy finding silly gifts for our game on Christmas eve. I hope all is going well with you. Paris is looking beautiful with all the Christmas decorations and lights. Christmas brings out the child in me. Corny is always better!!!

lots of love, danielle

Love Notes

 

Hi Everyone,

Exciting, fun news to share with you. The album of songs I’ve been telling you about for two years, finally came out last week, on both iTunes and Amazon, where you can buy and download either individual songs or the album.  It’s called “Love Notes by Danielle Steel”. There are 10 songs on the album, 6 in English and 4 in French. I wrote the lyrics, and three composers wrote the music, there are 2 singers (an American woman and a French man), and we worked with 7 musicians and 4 arrangers. It is VERY different working as part of a team, and writing song lyrics, than working all by myself to write a book. This was really team collaboration!! I hope you love the songs. I think they’re really good, and I hope you do too!!! Each one tells a story, some are love songs, the singers have beautiful voices, and the composers and musicians did a great job.  We have worked on this album for two years. And I’m very excited that it’s out now, and I can’t wait for you to hear our songs. Here are the links:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/love-notes-by-danielle-steel/id734080554     

http://amazon.to/18bDw0T

I hope you enjoy “Love Notes”!!!!

love, danielle

Thankful

Hi everyone,

Here they come…. the holidays…..Thanksgiving is the first important moment of the holiday season, and even for those who try to avoid holidays, we are reminded of the busy, crazy days ahead, and holidays are not always easy. They are so often bittersweet for so many of us. We are not only grateful for the friends and family at our table, but also aware of those who are no longer there and sorely missed. In our family, my late son Nick, and my ex-husband and children’s father, who passed away two years ago. Even with a crowded table, we feel their absence. And my three oldest children no longer join us for holidays, and either spend them with their in laws, family in other cities, or in their own homes establishing traditions of their own. So whereas once, there were 9 children at our table, their father even long after we divorced, as we remained very close, now I spend thanksgiving with my five youngest children—–a huge blessing to be sure, but half the number at our table only a few years ago. It is a change, and makes Thanksgiving bittersweet.

For many, holidays are spent alone, without family, or among friends, or in aching solitude. The holidays often point out what we don’t have in our lives. And there are many ways to spend a holiday like Thanksgiving. For many, serving others less fortunate takes the sting out of their loneliness as they forget themselves and give to others. For those without relatives to spend the holiday with, we form a family made up of friends (who are sometimes easier to get along with than our relatives, and even more fun!!). And for many, the holidays are a challenge that is hard to face. We all spend the holidays differently, and it helps to remember what we are grateful for.

I was reminded of two things tonight. A saying that meant a lot to me a long time ago, before I had my family. “God places the solitary in families”—-sometimes in other families, if we don’t have one of our own. And a friend reminded me at one time that Jesus fed thousands with ‘fragments’ of fishes—not even whole fishes, but fragments. Sometimes all we have are fragments of what we wish we had. But those little bits and pieces feed us better than we expect. Sometimes we need to be grateful for the fragments, until life gives us more.

Thanksgiving is a holiday about gratitude and friendship, about reaching out, and embracing others, and being grateful for the good in our lives. I hope that your holiday is peaceful and gentle, warm and loving, and that you are not alone on this holiday. And I hope that there is much in your life to be thankful for. I am grateful for you, my faithful friends…. for my family…. and the good times that we share. May your Thanksgiving holiday be blessed,

love, danielle

Homage to Marilyn Monroe, Life as an Object

Hi Everyone,

Sober thoughts today. Marilyn Monroe once said that once you are famous, you experience “Life as an Object”. What she was saying is that when you become famous, and are a public person, you cease to become a person in other people’s minds, and anything goes, you can be treated as an object or a thing, and they forget that you are actually a real live human being at the other end. It’s an interesting comment, and I have found it to be true, over the many years that I have been well known.

The internet has de-personalized the connection between people. People exist in greater isolation, many work at home on their computers and no longer work at an office, where they see people every day and have to relate to them in a humane way. People do things like Facebook and chat rooms, where they collect thousands of ‘friends’, people they don’t know and will never meet, but they are connected through their computer in a ‘virtual’ way. People date on line or by text, they connect and disconnect, start ‘relationships’ and end them, all virtual and not real. Young women have talked to me about being proposed to by text or on line, and dumped just as quickly by text, with no human contact, no phone call, no sound of the other person’s voice. And at the most extreme end, kids and even some adults play video games which ‘kill’ the players virtually, and then shocking public crimes replicate those games and many real people die. I’m not of the old school that television corrupts our kids, or is the source of violence in America, but I do think that the lack of real human connection on these new ‘cyber’ opportunities has had a MAJOR impact on how people relate to each other, connect or don’t, how they behave, what they do, what they say, and they lose sight of the fact that there is a real live human being at the other end. It is something to think about. Sometimes it is better to simply pick up the phone and have a conversation, have an immediate exchange, rather than nuking someone and shooting off a sometimes vicious email in the heat of the moment, when all you have to do is write it and hit the Send button. No one hears the other person’s voice anymore, everything is conducted by email and text.

To get back to Ms. Monroe, I have found what she said to be true, long before the Internet became popular, and now that cyber relations are here, I find it to be particularly so. As a famous person, people forget that you get up in the morning, have breakfast, have children and dogs, a job, heartbreaks and joys and deal with real life. They forget that your children are as troublesome as anyone else’s, that your romances or marriages fall apart, that life can be disappointing, that you get sick, have headaches or stomach aches, that you have to pay your bills and have similar worries to everyone else’s, that your loved ones die like anyone else’s, that your heart gets broken just like non-famous people. As a famous person, they see you as an object, a target, an object of jealousy, and too often someone not real to them, to beat up. You become an easy target for people’s frustrations, forgetting that you have your own. Like all famous people, I have always gotten letters from crackpots. What I do for a living is pretty benign. I sit at my desk and make up stories, about the things that trouble or delight or worry all of us in life. If I make those stories real enough, you enjoy them and that’s about it. I make money doing it, with which I support my family. All the equations are pretty simple. And yes, I make a lot of money doing it, and I also have 9 kids, and have had my share of heartbreaks, divorces, a son who died, and some sick kids at various times. My life is not so different than yours. And like anyone in the public eye, I’ve had my share of crazy letters over the years, some death threats, blackmail and extortion threats, a woman who once told me I deserved to die because I got the time difference wrong between LA and New York. (I make mistakes too!!) There was a man who used to threaten to kill me once a year, always at about the same time, for many many years, and on the same day he would write and threaten to kill the pope, the Queen of England, and a famous wealthy socialite who was often in the news. The first time (after maybe 20 years) that he didn’t write and threaten me, I worried about him, and wondered if he was sick. There have always been a lot of crazies out there, and most are harmless. They used to write the letters, put a stamp on them, walk them to the mailbox, and these crazy letters would come in through my fan mail. But in the last 10 years, the tone of those letters has changed. Drastically. I still get death threats, threats to kidnap me and my children, extortion and blackmail threats, but with the anonymity of the Internet, and the immediacy of it (spew poisonous horrors and push send), now those letters come in with terrible, vicious threats, descriptions of what they’d like to do to me, how i deserve to die, and how they’d like to do it, and the terrible things they hope will happen to me, and what they plan to do. And some have even tried. But the lengths to which people will go, the appalling things they say has ramped up exponentially. A probably meek fan in real life, will write me a letter that is so vile, insulting and terrifying that you have to wonder what goes on in their heads. The Internet has become an open forum for bullies and some truly crazy, maybe even dangerous, people, who can attack you any way they want and hide in the shadows of the internet (although ultimately law enforcement does find them, and I’ve had to resort to that a number of times when the threats were too violent). People who wouldn’t think of being rude to their neighbors or hurt a flea, write me vicious attacks they should be ashamed of, and insult me in every way they can. Of course, I get wonderful fan letters too, thousands of them, but the vicious ones shock me. I respond to all my fan mail, and only twice have the letters been so viciously insulting and personally outrageous that I wrote back and actually said, “What is wrong with you? How can you write someone something like this?” One apologized immediately and said she didn’t know I’d see the letter (then why write it?) and I never heard from the other one again. I guess there will always be crazies out there who write vicious letters and threats, but two things occur to me, the Internet and its anonymity help them do it better, and the fact that I’m famous makes it okay to them: as Ms. Monroe said, I am only an object to them, not a person, and accordingly to some I don’t deserve respect, kindness, humanity or compassion. The things people would never dare say to someone they know, they say to me, in the most vicious ways they can think of, because to them I am not a person, I’m famous so I am an object. (If people don’t like my books, there is a simple solution, don’t buy them. You don’t need to threaten to burn down my house, kill me or my children, or run me down with their car).

I’m sure that some famous people are less than admirable. And I’m no saint by any means, but I’m just a person. One of those horrifying letters came in last week, on a day that one of my children had a terrifying accident at home (she’s okay now), I was in the hospital with her for two days, lots of blood, lots of pain, and all very scary, and as a Mom, I had my heart in my mouth. On the same day, I got one of those hideous letters, attempting blackmail and extortion, telling me what a terrible person I am, and what they would like to do to me, all kinds of threats of defamation, accusation, and physical harm. As a human being, it is incredibly disheartening to think that you can become an object in that way, that people want to hurt, harm and scare you, just because you have done well in life. And in spite of fame, I get sick, my kids get sick, my children get hurt, people I love die, and even my dogs. Just like everyone else’s. I don’t know what the answer is, but I think we need to put back the humanity in our communications to other people, to remember that there are real live people at the other end, to remember that becoming famous is the result of hard work in most cases, not a license to become a target for everyone’s craziness, bad behavior and bad manners. As the object of that kind of attention, it shocks me immeasurably and wounds my soul. It’s something I deal with every day. And I am sad to say that Ms. Monroe was right.

love, danielle

Homage to Marilyn Monroe, Life as an Object.

Hi Everyone,

Sober thoughts today. Marilyn Monroe once said that once you are famous, you experience “Life as an Object”. What she was saying is that when you become famous, and are a public person, you cease to become a person in other people’s minds, and anything goes, you can be treated as an object or a thing, and they forget that you are actually a real live human being at the other end. It’s an interesting comment, and I have found it to be true, over the many years that I have been well known.

The internet has de-personalized the connection between people. People exist in greater isolation, many work at home on their computers and no longer work at an office, where they see people every day and have to relate to them in a humane way. People do things like Facebook and chat rooms, where they collect thousands of ‘friends’, people they don’t know and will never meet, but they are connected through their computer in a ‘virtual’ way. People date on line or by text, they connect and disconnect, start ‘relationships’ and end them, all virtual and not real. Young women have talked to me about being proposed to by text or on line, and dumped just as quickly by text, with no human contact, no phone call, no sound of the other person’s voice. And at the most extreme end, kids and even some adults play video games which ‘kill’ the players virtually, and then shocking public crimes replicate those games and many real people die. I’m not of the old school that television corrupts our kids, or is the source of violence in America, but I do think that the lack of real human connection on these new ‘cyber’ opportunities has had a MAJOR impact on how people relate to each other, connect or don’t, how they behave, what they do, what they say, and they lose sight of the fact that there is a real live human being at the other end. It is something to think about. Sometimes it is better to simply pick up the phone and have a conversation, have an immediate exchange, rather than nuking someone and shooting off a sometimes vicious email in the heat of the moment, when all you have to do is write it and hit the Send button. No one hears the other person’s voice anymore, everything is conducted by email and text.

To get back to Ms. Monroe, I have found what she said to be true, long before the Internet became popular, and now that cyber relations are here, I find it to be particularly so. As a famous person, people forget that you get up in the morning, have breakfast, have children and dogs, a job, heartbreaks and joys and deal with real life. They forget that your children are as troublesome as anyone else’s, that your romances or marriages fall apart, that life can be disappointing, that you get sick, have headaches or stomach aches, that you have to pay your bills and have similar worries to everyone else’s, that your loved ones die like anyone else’s, that your heart gets broken just like non-famous people. As a famous person, they see you as an object, a target, an object of jealousy, and too often someone not real to them, to beat up. You become an easy target for people’s frustrations, forgetting that you have your own. Like all famous people, I have always gotten letters from crackpots. What I do for a living is pretty benign. I sit at my desk and make up stories, about the things that trouble or delight or worry all of us in life. If I make those stories real enough, you enjoy them and that’s about it. I make money doing it, with which I support my family. All the equations are pretty simple. And yes, I make a lot of money doing it, and I also have 9 kids, and have had my share of heartbreaks, divorces, a son who died, and some sick kids at various times. My life is not so different than yours. And like anyone in the public eye, I’ve had my share of crazy letters over the years, some death threats, blackmail and extortion threats, a woman who once told me I deserved to die because I got the time difference wrong between LA and New York. (I make mistakes too!!) There was a man who used to threaten to kill me once a year, always at about the same time, for many many years, and on the same day he would write and threaten to kill the pope, the Queen of England, and a famous wealthy socialite who was often in the news. The first time (after maybe 20 years) that he didn’t write and threaten me, I worried about him, and wondered if he was sick. There have always been a lot of crazies out there, and most are harmless. They used to write the letters, put a stamp on them, walk them to the mailbox, and these crazy letters would come in through my fan mail. But in the last 10 years, the tone of those letters has changed. Drastically. I still get death threats, threats to kidnap me and my children, extortion and blackmail threats, but with the anonymity of the Internet, and the immediacy of it (spew poisonous horrors and push send), now those letters come in with terrible, vicious threats, descriptions of what they’d like to do to me, how i deserve to die, and how they’d like to do it, and the terrible things they hope will happen to me, and what they plan to do. And some have even tried. But the lengths to which people will go, the appalling things they say has ramped up exponentially. A probably meek fan in real life, will write me a letter that is so vile, insulting and terrifying that you have to wonder what goes on in their heads. The Internet has become an open forum for bullies and some truly crazy, maybe even dangerous, people, who can attack you any way they want and hide in the shadows of the internet (although ultimately law enforcement does find them, and I’ve had to resort to that a number of times when the threats were too violent). People who wouldn’t think of being rude to their neighbors or hurt a flea, write me vicious attacks they should be ashamed of, and insult me in every way they can. Of course, I get wonderful fan letters too, thousands of them, but the vicious ones shock me. I respond to all my fan mail, and only twice have the letters been so viciously insulting and personally outrageous that I wrote back and actually said, “What is wrong with you? How can you write someone something like this?” One apologized immediately and said she didn’t know I’d see the letter (then why write it?) and I never heard from the other one again. I guess there will always be crazies out there who write vicious letters and threats, but two things occur to me, the Internet and its anonymity help them do it better, and the fact that I’m famous makes it okay to them: as Ms. Monroe said, I am only an object to them, not a person, and accordingly to some I don’t deserve respect, kindness, humanity or compassion. The things people would never dare say to someone they know, they say to me, in the most vicious ways they can think of, because to them I am not a person, I’m famous so I am an object. (If people don’t like my books, there is a simple solution, don’t buy them. You don’t need to threaten to burn down my house, kill me or my children, or run me down with their car).

I’m sure that some famous people are less than admirable. And I’m no saint by any means, but I’m just a person. One of those horrifying letters came in last week, on a day that one of my children had a terrifying accident at home (she’s okay now), I was in the hospital with her for two days, lots of blood, lots of pain, and all very scary, and as a Mom, I had my heart in my mouth. On the same day, I got one of those hideous letters, attempting blackmail and extortion, telling me what a terrible person I am, and what they would like to do to me, all kinds of threats of defamation, accusation, and physical harm. As a human being, it is incredibly disheartening to think that you can become an object in that way, that people want to hurt, harm and scare you, just because you have done well in life. And in spite of fame, I get sick, my kids get sick, my children get hurt, people I love die, and even my dogs. Just like everyone else’s. I don’t know what the answer is, but I think we need to put back the humanity in our communications to other people, to remember that there are real live people at the other end, to remember that becoming famous is the result of hard work in most cases, not a license to become a target for everyone’s craziness, bad behavior and bad manners. As the object of that kind of attention, it shocks me immeasurably and wounds my soul. It’s something I deal with every day. And I am sad to say that Ms. Monroe was right.

love, danielle