Danielle Steel's Blog, page 48

Happy Trails

Hi Everyone,

Well, this was a nostalgic, sentimental week. We had two office farewell parties this week, which were both bittersweet—for two lovely people who have worked for me for a long time. One takes care of my house, and the homes of my children; he keeps everything in remarkable running order, is incredibly creative, intelligent and ingenious—–which you have to be in a 104 year old house, which is a mystery a lot of the time!!!  He has worked for me for 24 years, half his life, and a big chunk of mine. He was just a ‘kid’ when he started, and learned all the workings of the house, took some interesting classes along the way, and I have watched him grow up into a remarkable man.  He got married two years ago, and my whole staff gathered around to celebrate him this week and say goodbye tearfully. He is going to do a lot of travelling, and just wanted to spread his wings, try new things, and see the world. I’m very sad to see him leave, but happy for him that he’s going to be having fun and doing some great things (he’s going on safari in Africa!!!). But it’s always sad to see old friends leave, even if I’m happy for him. We had a lovely dinner in a nice place, great food, good company, and a lot of toasts to wish him well!!!

The other person leaving is a young woman who has worked for me on and off for 22 years. We jokingly call her our perma-temp!! She is a beautiful woman who first came to my office to help out as a very young woman (and she still is). She didn’t want to get tied down to an office job as an assistant, but stayed with us for about a year as a ‘temp’, and then worked as a producer in TV, with start-ups and  in the dot com world. But she very kindly came back and did another stint with us when we needed help in the office. So back she came, worked with us for a while, she is great at being creative, problem solving, and just doing whatever needs to be done. Along the way, she got married and had  3 adorable kids, but she still came back to help for weddings, she worked in my gallery for a while, and now she just filled in for my main assistant during her maternity leave, and she stayed for a year again. So we had a big delicious lunch today (lasagna, pasta, salad, and  lots of good stuff) to thank her for her year with us, again. Hopefully she’ll be back for another wedding, or someone’s maternity leave. She posted  my blog for me every week, and we are going to miss her good cheer, great sense of humor, and sunshiny face in the office. In twenty two years I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in a bad mood. And she was great helping one of my daughters with some of her projects.

So Boo Hoo, farewell to two people I love and will miss…..and happy trails to both of them, until we meet again.

love,  danielle

The post Happy Trails appeared first on daniellesteel.net.

Memorial Day

Hi everyone,

I’ve had my nose to the grindstone, and been doing some writing, and getting organized for summer. I always seem to forget summer is coming, and then Memorial Day hits me, and I realize Wow!! Here we are…..get ready. I try to get my heaviest work done by Memorial Day, so I can relax a little in the summer, and spend some time with my kids.

I helped one of my daughters get their country house ready for summer, and we threw away dead plants and old wicker furniture that didn’t survive the winter, did some painting, lots of cleaning, washed sun umbrellas, and hauled and dragged broken pots, got rid of weeds, and worked like dogs for a few days, and were excited with the results. The place looked great when we were finished. Her father and I used to do that every year. There is always more work to do on country homes and beach houses to keep them looking nice, but this was a major spring cleaning, which is good to do.

And we’re making summer plans to be together. And I’m trying to wrap up the biggest projects on my desk. So I don’t have anything exciting or glamorous to tell you. I haven’t been to any fashion shows or big parties, or social events. I haven’t seen anyone except my children, and I’ve been chained to my desk, except when I did the big spring cleaning project with my daughter. But these are good projects to do to keep everything in order.

So here comes summer!! I hope yours is shaping up nicely and you’ll get some vacation time in the coming months. I always wind up working a little in the summer now too, since my kids don’t have as much free time as they used to, since they’re all working, and no longer in school. I loved it when we had long summer vacations together, now it’s a little bit of time here and there, but I’m grateful for any time I can spend with them, and that they are willing to spend it with me.

I’ll try to do something more interesting than house cleaning and working at my desk, so I have more exciting things to report to you next week. And I’m actually going to try and take a day off this Memorial Day weekend….Hope yours was great!!!

love, danielle

P.S.  A friend sent me a DVD of a terrific TV series that is popular in Europe. You can get it on DVD in the States, it’s Danish, with English subtitles—-I thought the subtitles would bother me but they didn’t, because the show is so terrific. There are 3 seasons of it available on DVD, and it’s called “Borgen” about a young female prime minister in Denmark, trying to run the country, deal with political intrigues, and manage her family/husband and 2 kids at the same time. I absolutely Love it!!! I’m still a Downton Abbey addict, but I really enjoyed this series, and maybe you would too!!

love, danielle

The post Memorial Day appeared first on daniellesteel.net.

Tattoo

Hi Everyone,

I just had the ultimate compliment and had to share it with you. This morning I got an email from one of my daughters, it was a photograph of someone’s “Instagram” of a person we don’t know, who had a tattoo of my face (taken from a photo on a book jacket), which went from the top of her thigh to her knee. Above and below it, it said “Everyone reads Danielle Steel” (one of the phrases my publisher uses for my books, and in ads). And the likeness was perfect, an exact replica of the photograph, with every hair and feature. Getting that tattooed on her leg, must have hurt like hell!!!  I’ve never known a man who tattooed my name on his arm, in a heart, or paid tribute to me in a tattoo in any form. But to have a nearly life size likeness of my face tattooed on her whole leg!!—–WOW!!!! That is loyalty from a fan and then some. And I am not making light of it—-I was actually really touched and flattered. I can’t think of anyone I know who would do that!!! It is an amazing tattoo, and I don’t know the person who has it, but I am EXTREMELY touched and honored by it!!! It is astounding and quite spectacular, and an incredible tribute from a fan, and a person who doesn’t even know me!!!

I had to tell you about it. It was truly amazing!!! My daughter was vastly impressed too. Who do you know who has a tattoo of their face on someone else’s leg??? And to the person who has the tattoo, thank you for making such an enormous gesture in my honor!!! I was totally bowled over!!!!

I hope you have a great week!! This was definitely the high point of mine, and the most unusual tribute I’ve ever had.

love, danielle

The post Tattoo appeared first on daniellesteel.net.

YPO

Hi Everyone,

I went to a very fun dinner in Paris when I was there, which I wanted to share with you. A French friend had been asked to entertain a group of Americans from Los Angeles, who were members of an organization called YPO. The Young Presidents Organization. The Presidents are between 40 and 45 years old, and there is a second phase, once they pass 45, which I think is called WPO. The friend who gave the dinner recently joined the organization, in the younger group, and I had thought it was a strictly American organization, but I discovered that it exists in France too. I’ve heard about it for years, and assumed it was a businessmen’s association, in order to meet other CEO’s and presidents and make business-related connections. In fact, when the friend had asked me if I thought he should join, I told him I thought it would be an excellent opportunity to make contacts for his career, ‘networking’ as they say. And the group in Paris was there for a vacation, with their wives, my friend knew none of them, and he had agreed to entertain 12 of them at his home, which I thought was brave of him since he didn’t know any of them. And as his wife was away on a trip, I agreed to join him and lend a hand, since I speak English. I didn’t expect it to be an exciting evening, but was happy to help out. An event had been planned for them before dinner, with champagne at Notre Dame Cathedral, where they were going to hike up more than 300 steps to the top of the bell tower. I decided to pass on that, since I don’t drink, and the prospect of a 300 step hike didn’t sound like so much fun to me!!! And I turned up for dinner at my friend’s home at the appointed time.

I met 6 couples, all of whom seemed very nice, from LA, I knew because of the organization that all were Presidents of companies, and in talking to them, I rapidly realized that none of them were the heads of necessarily well known companies, but were all self-made men, who had started their own companies in various fields. (one had 45,000 employees, which seemed amazing). Their wives were very nice, and I was a little startled to see how relaxed they all were, how interested in their host, in talking to me, and they were very open, friendly and warm. Nobody was showing off, they were just very nice down to earth people.  I asked about the Organization at dinner, and was very surprised by what I learned, and that my earlier assumptions about it had been wrong. One of the men explained to me that they have a 3 part purpose, and get together with their ‘forum’ of 8 to 12 people once a month. The purpose is one part business, to talk about their business problems, one part personal, and one part family. And the reason behind it is that they said being President of any business is a lonely job, all the problems stop there, and they have no one to talk to about their issues in their jobs or lives, so the monthly meetings are to give them a chance to let down their hair, meet others in the same situation, and not just talk about their work concerns, but also about their family lives, and joys or griefs they may be having with their wives or kids, and how their careers are impacting them personally, as individuals, and the problems they have. And as always, in sharing with a group, you not only learn a lot about others, but about yourself. I’m a great believer in the group dynamic and its benefits. And I was stunned by how open they were, how warm, and how interested in other people, which is to some extent an American quality, but it seemed unusual to me, even for them. They were all such nice people. There was not a single person at the table whom I didn’t like. Their wives all seemed very nice and down to earth, and we had some amazingly interesting, serious, and personal conversations at the dinner table, which seemed remarkable with a group of strangers.  I also learned that there are organized trips for them to take with their wives, such as the one they were on in Paris, and family trips that are organized to fun locations with kids as well. I thought it was an amazing opportunity for them to make friends with people who have similar issues, and where they can enjoy real camaraderie, and not just ‘network’ to make new business contacts. The business side of it seemed to be the least important, and the human aspect was what stood out to me. I was bowled over by what nice people they were, at our exchanges, and how quickly a warm feeling to the evening developed. I discovered that one of their children attends the same college my 2 youngest children went to and graduated from recently, and I recommended a fantastic advisor to them for their daughter. Another couple live in the same city as one of my children and offered to invite her to their home for a weekend. Emails and phone numbers and addresses were exchanged, we sat and talked til nearly 2 am, and they were also bowled over by the hospitality of their host, who had cooked a wonderful dinner himself, and welcomed them into his home, having never met them before. We took a group photo at the end of the evening, hugged each other, and all felt as though new friendships had been made. I have rarely met a group of people so warm, so open, so modest about their accomplishments, and so enjoyable to spend time with, and easy to get to know. I went home afterwards with that warm feeling of having made new friends, and I hope I have the opportunity to meet them again.

It all gave me new respect for the purpose and goals of YPO, and taught me about an organization I knew so little about. For the moment, the membership seems to be mostly male, but they’re working on that. I was so impressed by everything I saw and heard. And we were each given a card with a rather deep personal question on it, which we answered round robin style at dinner, which gave us each further insight into our fellow guests. I had a fantastic evening, after having no expectations when I got there. It was really terrific, and I was so grateful to have gone and met such lovely people.  It reminded me that one needs to stay open to new experiences and meeting new people. It was really a blessing for me. And Bravo for YPO!!!

love, danielle

The post YPO appeared first on daniellesteel.net.

Mother’s Day

Hi Everyone,

This Sunday will be Mother’s Day, which merits some mention, as it is a very special day. Like so many holidays, there can be a bittersweet quality to it. We’ve all had a mother, though some of us may no longer have a mother present with us. And particularly for someone young who has lost their mother, it can be an anguishing reminder of a loved one no longer here. And there are some women who want to be mothers, or wanted to be, and were unable to achieve it for whatever reason, and accepting that fate is a huge challenge for some women, and finding other ways to include children in their lives. And some may still be trying, and are agonizing, wondering if it will ever happen for them. And to complicate matters further, stories are legion about how difficult mother/child relations can be, particularly mother/daughter relations, which unfortunately can be a mine field. So although it seems like a benign, wonderful day, it can be a complicated holiday too. One can end up focusing on the mother one wishes one had, but never did.

I have been very blessed to have many children, 7 children I gave birth to, and 2 stepsons I love like my own sons, so Mother’s Day has always been a BIG deal for us. But even in the happiest, biggest families, there are aspects of Mother’s Day that can be challenging or painful. I lost one son when he was 19, and he is greatly missed on every day, every holiday, and Mother’s Day too. I have wonderful goofy photographs of his last Mother’s Day with us, when he was being silly (as he often was) and made us all laugh. I took a photograph of all the children, and he put on dark glasses and made funny faces. We had a wonderful day, and four months later he was gone, and is sorely missed on Mother’s Day every year. Our Mother’s Days were always wonderful when the kids were little and everyone was at home. I was decked out with macaroni necklaces until I could barely see over them, and Kleenex boxes they decorated for me, and pencil holders made out of soup cans that I still have on my desk today, and cherish. My office is full of the treasures my children made me, handprints and decorated plates, drawings, and jewelry boxes covered in glitter. My computer table is one my youngest son made me out of wood he painted when he was 8.  They were such wonderful times, and everyone made a big effort to come home once they were in college. And eventually, life caught up to us all. Several of my children moved to other cities for their work. I stop in New York to celebrate an early Mother’s Day with two of my daughters every year, and another of my daughters who lives away flies to San Francisco for the weekend without fail. And my two youngest children always spend the day with me. Of the oldest ones, one comes home on some years, the others don’t. I’m grateful that they still come home for Christmas and Thanksgiving, so I can’t insist or complain about Mother’s Day. But it’s different when kids grow up. Lots of things are different then, and you have to adapt to grown up Mother’s Days, even though at first it was hard. I was so spoiled by having all my children with me for so many years, that the transition to their lives as adults is challenging at times.

My own Mother’s Days were very different when I was a child. I was alone with my father from the time I was six, with a mother who was only occasionally present in my life. Our relationship was distant, not always constant, and difficult later on. It made me the ever-present dedicated mother I am, but I never had a present hands-on mother myself. She was a very beautiful, very glamorous, very young woman, but her maternal instincts were never strong. So Mother’s Day was kind of a non-event for me, and not a happy day, and when she died a few years ago (still very beautiful, and fairly young), I found all the little things I had forgotten and made for her on mother’s days when I was a child, and sent to her when I didn’t see her. Needlepoint, and embroidered pin cushions and frames I had made diligently. I was very touched that she had kept them, so maybe her maternal instincts were stronger than she ever demonstrated or I realized. So I understand how challenging mother/ daughter relationships can be, and can leave you wanting what you’ll never have. We have to do the best we can with what we’ve got, and be grateful for what we do have, which can be challenging too.

Ideally, we have mothers we are close to, whom we love and who love us, and children who are nearby, close and present in our lives forever. And if not, sometimes we are fortunate enough to have older women in our lives who nurture us, or wonderful grandmothers, and young people in our lives even if we don’t have children of our own. Mother’s Day can be what you make of it….I wish you a happy, joyful one, whether you are with your own children, or with a friend’s children, or God children (I have an adorable 3 year old God daughter in Paris, and several grown ones in Europe and the States, whom I love), or just young people you enjoy, and may the day be kind and warm for you.  Happy Mother’s Day!!!

love, danielle

The post Mother’s Day appeared first on daniellesteel.net.

Betrayals

Hi Everyone,

I hope life is treating you well!!

I spoke to a friend recently, and I was so distressed by what she told me. She is a lovely, decent, honorable, hard working young woman (and I’ve known her for many years, in business and personally), who was trying to start a business with a friend. She sunk a lot of money into it for her, and she works hard for it and supports a family. And she discovered that the friend, her best friend apparently, took her money, and started the business in secret behind her back, betrayed her, and cut her out. She is now out the money, and just as bad, and sometimes worse, she was double crossed and betrayed by her best friend. When I saw her she was hurt, sad, angry, stunned, shocked.

I’ve been there, and maybe you have too. There is no worse feeling than being betrayed by someone you trust, whether a spouse, a parent, a child, a co-worker, a boss, a friend. And it happens every day. No one wants to live their life in paranoia, believing that evil is lurking around every bend. And for most of us we trust our friends and family, the people we do business with, or employ, or who employ us. Which makes it all the worse when we discover that they weren’t honorable, were frankly dishonest and ripped us off. There are many, many books written these days about sociopaths, who are often hard to detect and play a good game. They prey on honorable, honest, decent people, because if you are, you just don’t expect someone to be dishonest with you and rip you off. And even if they do, if you’re an honorable person, you respond to the betrayal with reason and moderation—-not with the vehemence another sociopath would. I think bad people pick their victims carefully. But it’s so unfortunate it has to happen at all. And it makes you feel heartsick when it happens, for the loss of the friend, as well as whatever they took from you dishonestly, whether it’s a business, money, an opportunity, or even a man. How many times do you hear of a best friend cheating with someone’s husband? It happens too often and is such a rotten thing (for both of them) to do.

My worst experience in the vein of a serious betrayal, of the kind my friend just experienced, was an employee I had for 16 years. She was without question my most trusted employee, and handled my bookkeeping, and money. I respected her and liked her enormously, trusted her implicitly, more than anyone else I worked with or employed, for all 16 years. We discovered that she embezzled a great deal of money from me, she was prosecuted for some of it, but the statute of limitations made it impossible to prosecute her for all of it. I lost money, and some other things that were deeply important to me, as a result of what she did, and I was crushed by the betrayal of someone I genuinely liked and trusted so profoundly. For months, I was alternately tormented by the financial loss, and the fallout of it, and equally by the betrayal of my trust. It’s a hard one to get over, you keep asking yourself why….why would someone do that to me? How could they be so dishonest, how could they look me in the eye and lie to me, and put me in jeopardy? And you ask yourself how you could be so stupid and naive. It is a terrible blow to the soul as well as the wallet. And I could see the same shock in my friend’s eyes when she told me the story of what had happened to her. At some point, you have to let it go, because the burden is too heavy to carry. And the burden really belongs to the person who committed the betrayal, and should not rest on the innocent party. You do what you can to clean up the damage, but you can’t let it weigh on your soul forever. The price of that is too heavy to pay. And I truly believe that Karma evens things out in the end. You can’t lead a happy life if you go around hurting, betraying and ripping off other people. In my case, the person who betrayed me went to prison, but not for very long, and only a fraction of the money I lost was returned to me. I am more cautious now, but I don’t want to believe that everyone is out to get me, or cheat me or betray me. That’s no way to live, so we can be wise, but don’t need to expect monsters to come around every corner, or all our friends to betray us. Fortunately, it doesn’t happen often in life. But when it does, it hurts like hell, in many ways.

The pain and sorrow and disappointment I saw in my friend’s eyes was so familiar to me. I knew just how it felt, and it made me want to share it with you. Because she and I are far from unique in this experience, it happens to a lot of people, and usually from the person you expect it from the least. That’s what makes it hurt so much, when someone you trust so completely cheats you in some way, betrays you, and screws you over. It is a miserable experience, and a terrible shock. But if it happens to you, don’t let it destroy you!!!

Oddly enough, after she told me the story, we walked down a hall as she was leaving my house, and only the day before, I had put a long carpet down in that hall, which I had brought to the city from my beach house, because I really love that rug. It was made by an artist and the famous quote of Anne Frank is on it, the young girl who was killed by the Nazis, with her family, at 15. They found what she had written in her diary, and it says “In spite of everything, I still believe that people are truly good at heart.” For her to write that, given what she was living through was a powerful statement that has always gone straight to my heart. And I like to believe it’s true. My friend commented on the rug as she left the house, and said that she wanted to believe that too. And yes, we all know that sometimes bad things happen to good people, but there is a kind of justice in life too. Something bad happens, and then something very good happens to make up for it. I believe in that. And I still believe what Anne Frank said so long ago.

So be wise, be cautious, be sensible, but when someone betrays you, if they do, don’t let the bad guys break your heart. Don’t give them that power, they don’t deserve it. And I believe that in the end, good things will happen to you. I firmly believe that.

love,  Danielle

 

The post Betrayals appeared first on daniellesteel.net.

Courage

Hi Everyone,

I hope you’ve had a good week, that you had a warm family Passover or Easter, or are just having a nice Spring if neither of those religious holidays are part of your life. Religiously, and just philosophically, I have always loved what Easter represents, not the crucifixion, but the resurrection. A renewal, a rebirth, a healing from the challenges we live through, rising from the ashes. It’s about hope that we will survive our difficulties and things will get better again. Whatever one’s religion, or none, it’s a comforting thought.

I just had a wonderful weekend before that, in LA with one of my daughters, to celebrate her birthday. We had a great time, and I always have fun with her in LA. I loved it!!! And as I left LA, she gave me some magazines to flip through on my trip home. And I had a great time browsing through Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar, Time Magazine, W, Town and Country. I love looking at the fashions, and reading articles that interest me. I wasn’t expecting to find one in Vogue that struck a real chord with me, I was having too much fun looking at the clothes. And then I found one about a fascinating woman. It was an article about an apparently famous political journalist in the l950′s, named Dorothy Thompson. I probably should know about her, or have heard about her, but I don’t know of her. She was greatly respected and apparently in 1939 was named by Time Magazine one of the two most influential women in America, along with Eleanor Roosevelt. She ran a foreign news bureau in Berlin, and apparently stood up to Adolf Hitler, and wrote a book about him, which got her expelled from Germany. From everything the article in Vogue’s Nostalgia section said, she sounded like an amazing, admirable woman. A trail blazer in a major way, at a time when few women worked, most were in the home, and she was apparently a devoted mother and grandmother as well. They mentioned her in Vogue because apparently in the 50′s, she complained that she had nothing decent to wear, and was a size 20. (They commented that in those days a size 12 was considered slim). And apparently Vogue did a whole article at the time, based on putting a wardrobe together for her with half a dozen looks, in her size. But the woman who wrote the article I read went on to say how she had always admired her, and what a gutsy woman Thompson was. It made me think of actresses we admire from those days, who were gutsy too, or appeared to be, Barbara Stanwyck, Rosalind Russell, Katherine Hepburn, women who spoke their minds and had big personalities. Clearly, Dorothy Thompson was not just acting a part, but was the real deal, and just reading about her, I admired her too. The writer said that reading about her had given her courage in her own life, which made me think too.

To me, courage is what you do when you really have no other choice, but to forge ahead, even if you’re scared to death, or shaken to your core. I’ve faced my own share of challenges, divorces, being a single mother, working in a man’s world, sick children, and a son who died at 19. I don’t think of myself as brave, or no braver than anyone else. I just did what I had to do, got through it, and kept moving forward. What other choice do you have at times? And I’m a coward about some other things, I used to be afraid to fly, but got over it, I hate roller coasters, snakes, mice, reptiles of any kind, big scary dogs, the dentist. Don’t count on me if you find a giant spider on the wall, or even a small one. And I’m not great with exotic travel, and am happier on familiar turf. I’m not a bold person, but maybe a strong one. I like to frame sayings and put them on my office wall. The one about courage says “Courage is not the absence of fear or despair, but the strength to conquer them”. That works for me. The writer of the article about Ms. Thompson said that just reading about her had given her courage at a hard time in her life. And we all have our hard times. I’ve been facing work challenges as we all do, children growing up and my worries about them, and all the pitfalls and worries that women alone, or people alone, face today. And as I read about Dorothy Thompson and all she accomplished, I was filled with admiration too. Ms Thompson apparently once wrote that “courage is the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good”. Wow. No whining there. No hesitation. No cowardice. And extraordinary strength. Courage. It really made me think about it and how I’d like to be, to still believe that life is good even when it’s tough, and to be able to face fear, misfortune, injustice, and come through it. It doesn’t get braver than that. So all these many years later, through generations, she has given me courage too. Maybe if I try hard, I can be just a little bit like her….I’d like to try. It’s a noble goal, and she sounds like a noble woman. I was so glad I read the article. She left us a legacy of courage with her life and her words, and I was so happy that the writer wrote about her and I saw it. I will try to remember those words the next time I’m facing something hard. It gives me something to aspire to, and maybe you too.

love,  danielle

 

The post Courage appeared first on daniellesteel.net.

“Play Ball”

Hi Everyone,

Just as the fashion shows roll around in Paris every year at the same time, so does Baseball Season in the States. I used to go to baseball games with my late son Nick occasionally, and as of last year, my youngest son has picked up the tradition. He invited me to some games last year, which I thoroughly enjoyed with him. I had a really great time with him, and was very touched when he invited me to Opening Day in San Francisco this year, with my youngest daughter.

First, came the wardrobe issue. The night before the game, I pulled out all the orange sweaters I could find in my closet, orange shoes, an orange bag, a black Giants T shirt my son gave me last year, and black jeans. The colors of the SF Giants are black and orange, and I found a black baseball cap with the team emblem on it in my son’s room, and a team jacket I bought last year in case he invited me to future games. So I was all set to look like a fan—-in Halloween colors!!! (see photos below). The day dawned brilliantly hot and sunny, one of those rare days in SF that feel like real summer, although San Francisco is blessed with very few warm days, and is chilly year round. But Not On Opening Day, it was gorgeous.

My daughter and I went to meet my son and his fiancée at the stadium half an hour before the game was to begin, and the excitement was mounting when we got there. There was a flag ceremony, music blaring, the fans were excited, the stadium was crowded. The fans had turned out en masse to support their team under a hot sun, people were wearing shorts, and it was around 80 degrees. And at one point, Three Coast Guard planes, painted in bright colors flew over us.  And then, red silver and blue streamers were unfurled into the crowd.  It’s obvious how much San Francisco loves its baseball team, and I was thrilled to be there with my son.

Right before the game began, there was another special moment. The little boy that the city has named Bat Kid, appeared with the adult Batman, in a batmobile and drove slowly around the edge of the field. ‘Batkid’ is a very special little boy, 5 or 6 years old, whose dearest and most cherished wish was made possible last year, with the city’s help, through the Make-A-Wish foundation. A cancer survivor in remission he wanted to be Batman for a day, and in extraordinary fashion, downtown San Francisco was literally transformed into Batman’s City, as almost everyone downtown dressed up, and he even ‘fought some bad guys’ and saved the city. It was far more than a little boy’s dream come true, the city fell so in love with him, and everyone downtown helped make it happen. The Downtown area of SF came to a standstill that day. Today he reappeared as Bat Kid, with Batman, and the adorable little boy, in his Batman costume, walked onto the field to throw the first pitch.  After that touching sight, the National Anthem was sung, and the game was on.

All the usual, colorful sights were in place, the vendors with hot dogs, ice cream, cotton candy, and drinks, threaded their way through the crowd. Everything was festive and exciting as the game began, and the home team didn’t let us down.  The score was 7 to 3, against Arizona, and the fans were cheering loudly, and I was happy as can be with my son and daughter, and future daughter in law.

It was a perfect, gloriously sunny day, on a happy occasion, sharing all the excitement with two of my children. I can’t wait to go to more games this season, if I get invited, and until then, beloved friends, Play Ball!!!!

love,  danielle

 

 

The post “Play Ball” appeared first on daniellesteel.net.

New Chapters (2)

Hi Everyone,

I hope that all is well with you.  Every book must have them, and every life: new chapters. And that’s never been my strong suit. I love the old and familiar, favorite restaurants, favorite places, favorite people, those we know well. I get attached to houses; I even keep my cars forever. New is exciting, but old and familiar feels safe and warm.

My first husband was French, but had an American grandfather, and we came to San Francisco when we were engaged. I was seventeen, ridiculously young, and the grandfather was a remarkable person, who lived to be 103. During our visit to San Francisco, I discovered a remarkable beach that I thought was spectacular. Years later, long after I had moved to San Francisco and we were divorced, I rented a house there for a few weeks. It was a beautiful long stretch of beach, it wasn’t fashionable, it was rugged and simple, natural and peaceful, and I loved it. I remarried, to a man who loved the country, and I spent 20 years spending weekends and summers in the Napa Valley, and it was lovely….but it wasn’t the beach. And I could never ‘sell’ my beloved beach to my husband, who preferred Napa, and the country life there. By then ‘my beach’ had become a bit more fashionable, though not very, and it still had a simple natural feel to it. And finally, divorced and alone again, I looked at some houses at the beach, and my longtime dream came true. I bought a house at the beach I loved. I fell in love with it instantly, and called the house “Coup de Coeur”, which means love at first sight in French. And I spent some wonderful years there, entertained friends, my kids were still at home, and in middle school and high school. They wanted to be in the city with their friends, and I never got to spend a summer at the beach house, but I went there a lot. It was where I went to find peace, or entertain friends, or spend time with my children. It was a happy place and a happy house. I loved it.

Fast forward the film again. The kids have grown up, half of them moved to other cities for their work, and seldom come home because they have jobs and lives somewhere else. And the peaceful beach is too peaceful for them. And 10 years ago, I went back to France, and live there half the year. When I come back to San Francisco, I want to spend time with my kids, who don’t want to go to the beach, understandably. And I’m too busy when I’m home. So the beach house stands empty now, and makes no sense. When I go there, I am still in awe of how beautiful the beach is. The area is more polished now, the real estate more expensive, and it’s as lovely as when I first saw it, and the house cuter than ever, but we just never go there anymore. And owning a house you never go to makes no sense, economically, practically, even emotionally. And I realized recently that it was time to end the chapter, and for someone else to enjoy the house I once fell in love with, but never go to anymore. In recent years, we’ve gone there for a few weekends a year, which makes no sense. So I decided to put the house on the market and sell it.

I only made the decision a few weeks ago. It made perfect sense, and still does. So I dove in, called realtors, and decided to get the house ready to sell, and clear it of our things. I’ve owned the house for 13 years, and in a perfect world, I would love to keep it as a little gem, a wonderful escape to retreat to when I need peace. (But that’s a high price to pay for peace. I can rent a house there for a few weekends a year). In reality, I wont miss it, but I’ll miss the idea of it. Buying a house there was the fulfillment of a dream. It was my happy place. But now I have a life in Paris, and my children are grown up. So I just spent the week at the beach house, emptying closets, reading old notes, finding forgotten treasures, smiling at old photographs, and boxing things up to send to the children, or bring home, and in some cases just throwing things away. It’s the right thing to do, but the right things are not always easy. As much as missing my beach retreat, it marks the passage of time, and reminds one that life has changed and moved on, and what makes sense at one time in our life, no longer makes sense a dozen years later. I am grateful that I was able to have that house, and the fun times we had there. When I had my art gallery, I used to invite all my artists and their partners out for a beach day once a year, and we had a ball.

I finished getting the house ready to sell today, and it was bittersweet. It looked wonderful when I left it, and it may not sell for a while, so we’ll get to enjoy it a few more times. But I have put it out there, for someone else to fall in love with it at first sight. To me, houses are like romance, you can walk into 50 houses, and they do nothing for you, and then you walk into The One, the right one for you, and you know it instantly.  I hope that happens to someone when they see my beach house, it’s time to pass the baton to someone else, who will enjoy it, and spend happy times there, and watch their children grow up there. And then it will be someone else’s turn. It would be greedy and foolish to hang onto a house I no longer use, so I am setting it free, to be loved and enjoyed by others who will spend more time there, and have as much fun there as I once did. The chapter of my life at that beach is over. I had the dream, and now it’s time for the chapter to end. Paris is where I go for fun now, and to relax, and spend time with friends, and with my children when they visit me. I will miss the idea of the beach house, more than the reality.

So I spent the week packing boxes, and tucking away memories. The chapter ends. And a new one begins. The house isn’t sold yet, and will be put on the market in the next few weeks. And the new chapter will be full of surprises, and whatever life has in store. I’m grateful for the 13 years I had there. And now a new chapter will begin.

love, Danielle

Modern Moms

Hi Everyone,

I seem to have come across a lot of new Moms recently, of a relatively new breed, which has made me think of a new element in motherhood today.  There have always been ‘older’ Mothers, either people having a last child of several, or some who had tried to have a baby for years, had given up and got a late surprise. Very few people used to actually set out to have a first child in their 40′s by choice. But in recent years, that phenomenon has become much more common. For the past many years, women are more and more determined to pursue their careers, often choosing to focus mostly on that, more and more people choose not to marry. And I think in recent years, women who chose not to have children in favor of their careers, have made a last minute decision to have a baby after all, before it’s too late. Others were waiting to find the right man, and when he hasn’t turned up by the time they’re 40, or older, they pursue other options. The result is that I think there are a lot more first time mothers in their 40′s these days, many of them single mothers, particularly in big cities where there are women seriously pursuing careers. And what I find I am hearing a lot more about is women having ‘postpartum depression’. There is nothing new about that either, and one always heard about women suffering from that, but they were few and far between. Now I hear about it all the time, and I have questioned if it is really that, or actually the shock of motherhood after a lifetime of freedom suddenly curtailed. Talking to a brand new 44 year old single Mom recently, she said that many of her friends had recently had babies, and ALL of them had experienced postpartum depression, which set me thinking. There is no question, postpartum depression is a very serious problem, and must be taken seriously, but I really wonder if these brand new mid-forties mothers really have it, or are just in shock over what they’ve gotten themselves into, particularly if they’re on their own. And a recent conversation with two other women in that age group, single moms with new babies, made me wonder about it even more.

I married in my late teens, and had my first baby at 19, and continued having more children later. It was a shock to have a baby at that age too, and daunting at times, but I grew up having children, and had to make big adjustments to my life, at an age when I had really never had freedom, and went straight from my father’s home to my husband’s, with no time in between to have a grown up life of my own. I never really questioned what I was giving up when I had kids, and didn’t have time to figure out or experience what my life would have been like without kids around. By the time I was ‘grown up’, I’d had kids around forever.  But for women in their forties having first time babies, it is a HUGE adjustment.

For those single career moms, they did what they wanted to for 20 years as an adult, spent weekends away with friends, took naps when they were tired, went to spas, had facials and manicures, spent their money on themselves, could sleep late when they chose to (uninterrupted sleep), entertain how and when they wanted to, went out to dinner anytime they wanted to at the last minute, went to the gym every day for as long as they wanted to at the time they wanted, and took vacations where they wanted and could afford to go. No one messed up their houses, they didn’t have to find help, figure out if a child was screaming from an ear ache, was sick, or just tired and cranky. Their lives were their own for a very long time. And suddenly enter a baby (sometimes/often without a live-in partner, or any partner at all), and no one can really tell you what that’s like. And most people today don’t have the benefit of ‘tribes’/families in the same city, so no aunts or mothers or grandmothers or even older sisters to give them advice with a new baby. They’re relying on books, classes, and friends in the same boat, which isn’t the same as a wise old grandma or aunt telling you what to do with a colicky baby. And pediatricians and emergency rooms are now besieged with calls from frightened new moms who have no idea why their baby is screaming, and are panicked.

Suddenly those women who had seemingly enviable well ordered, even self-centered lives, discover what others know from having children earlier: a baby will eat up your time, wake you up frequently in the night, cry for seemingly no reason for hours, nursing is not always as easy as it looks, and some days you’re lucky to get out of your nightgown by 6 or 7 pm, and all you did all day was nurse the baby, and do endless loads of laundry, change the baby a million times, and never make it into the shower. Lunch with friends becomes complicated, dinner even more so, so those new moms end up isolated, and then scramble for day and/or night nurses so they can get a little sleep, and they’re sleep deprived and not used to it. They look and feel a mess, have no time for the gym, nor time for a facial which they thought was a given, and unless they have some kind of regular child care arrangement, they never get out of the house. The amount of time it takes to care for a baby comes as a huge shock to women who have only had to take care of themselves for 20 years, and it’s harder than it looks. I think many of the women who think they are suffering from post-partum are really just suffering from a huge adjustment to the reality of having a child, (with all due respect to those who really do have postpartum). They heard all about labor and delivery, but too little about everything that comes after that. And I’m not saying having a baby at any age is a bad idea, but I do think that most of those women who grab that last baby-train out of the station before it’s too late had no idea of what a huge change it would make in their lives. I never had lunch with friends when my kids were little, never slept through the night, never had time for professional manicures or had time to bother with nail polish, and I worked at night when the kids were asleep and was with them all day. You learn to get by on very little sleep, but it takes time. Even good changes in life can be hard to adjust to, and I can’t think of a bigger change than having a child. It changes your life in wonderful ways, and is a huge blessing, but if you’re not used to putting someone else first, deferring your own plans, having your life turned upside down, and going without sleep…..it is going to be a MAJOR adjustment.  I feel for those women when I listen to their shock at what it entails, and I think once they adjust to it, as we all do with kids, they won’t be depressed. But those first months, or even year, must be rough. Maybe those of us with kids should be more honest about what they’re getting into, instead of just giving them baby showers. In some ways, they are better informed than we were who had kids earlier, and most of the later moms can afford to pay for advice: they have’ lactation experts’ and day or night nannies who teach them the ropes, they read books about various child rearing theories, and are afraid to just wing it. They want to be competent, as they are in their careers. But a baby can turn your life upside down in a minute, and a baby that cries for hours and hours is unnerving for anyone, and with no partner to take turns with you, dealing with it, you’re really stuck. So I feel for these modern day new moms, and I suspect they’re not suffering from depression, but just from the shock of a whole new life, and the end of their old one. They’ll figure it out, but I think the adjustment is a lot harder when you’re older. And it’s a brave new world with all these brave new moms. And hats off to them for accepting the challenge.

love, danielle