Emily Conrad's Blog, page 29

Encouraging True Beauty

What’s the most meaningful compliment you’ve ever received? 

Was it about your makeup, hair, or eyes? 

We all love those compliments, but the most meaningful ones are about deeper things. That kind of praise centers on who we are as people. 

Since that’s where real beauty lies, let’s focus those things more. 

Tell someone how they inspired you or a way they make your world a better place. 

Appreciating each other for meaningful things more and for superficial things less will help all of us shift our focus to the kind of beauty that matters most.

Two Reasons You Should Get Out More

If ever there was a homebody, it's me. Give me the choice, and eight times out of ten, I'll stay home to work on writing-related stuff or to spend time with family instead of going out and breaking the ice with a new group of people or activity.

Recently, however, I said yes to a couple of opportunities, and I'm so glad I did.

If you're like me, here are two reasons you should get out and build more relationships:

You need someone other than your mom (or husband or boyfriend or...) in your corner. Immediate family is great, but after a while, you need to know someone a little further removed from you can see your side of things.

Even if that person just listens without having any advice on a situation, you can feel so much lighter just knowing someone agrees that what you're working on or going through is challenging. And as a bonus, very often, you'll get a least a little fresh perspective and encouragement. This is important because, as Proverbs reminds us, we need numerous advisers to have victory.

 
I want to live a life of victory--how about you??


Your life needs to be about so much more than your life. When I'm tucked away at home, working on my various projects, I'll admit it: life is mostly about me. When I let that happen, I start to get anxious and worried about all those projects of mine. Everything seems to hang on the success or failure of my efforts.

Whoa! Back up! Since when is life all about me?

Getting out and working toward a bigger goal does worlds of good. You can be the person who's sympathizing with someone going through a tough time. Or you can be involved in making your community or church or environment a better place.

When you focus on others for a while, you prove to yourself that your own projects aren't the most important things in life. That takes some of the pressure off. And the time away from your work can also clear your mind so you can come back refreshed.

This isn't to say that you should book your calendar full of events or anything, but maybe there are a couple of special invites you'd be better off accepting.

Do you tend toward one extreme or the other when it comes to staying home or getting involved in outside groups and activities?

Bonus Post: An Opportunity for Christmas Lovers

I'd complain that stores have Christmas decorations out before Halloween, but quite frankly, I think Christmas overshadowing Halloween is about the best thing to ever happen to Halloween... So, I'm going to try overshadowing it a bit more by posting about a Christmas-themed opportunity myself. Good news is, unlike the "opportunity" to buy Christmas stuff already at the store, this one's free!

For the first time, my fiction will appear in print this December! A Christmas short story I wrote is to be included in an anthology of Christmas stories that was complied from a contest hosted by the Virginia chapter of American Christian Fiction Writers.

For a writer, it's a big deal to finally appear in print, and of course I have high hopes that my story will resonate with lots of readers. But, for the book to get into the hands of readers, people have to be buying the collection, and for people to buy the collection there needs to be a bit of a buzz about it. and for there to be a buzz about it, we need to find a team of advance readers who will read the whole collection and then post reviews on Amazon and other sites. Looong story short, we're looking for influencers.

So, if you like Christmas stories and Christian fiction, I hope you'll consider volunteering for this! The publisher would provide you with a free electronic version of the collection so you could read and review :)



Thanks for considering this!

Okay, back to your weekend!

Makeover Time!

I'm so excited to give my blog, formerly Dear Little Sister, a makeover! When I started writing it, I was in my twenties, and I wanted to encourage college- to just-out-of-college-age women.

Six years have passed, and I'm in my thirties now. Not exactly a wise old sage, but for my writing, I find that I spend time thinking about and studying themes--things like beauty, justice, marriage, real love, etc. What do I really believe about these things? What does the Bible have to say? How does our ancient faith apply to living in the modern world?

The answers to these questions affect my writing and my life, and they affect yours, too. It's not just about women who are just starting their adult lives anymore. It's about so much more!

As a writer, I've found that there's no better way to explore what I believe than to write about it. But most of that exploring has to happen outside of my fiction, because it's important to me that my fiction not be heavy-handed or issue-driven.


That's where this blog comes in. I hope that as you follow along with my posts, inspired by my fiction or my life as a Christian woman and writer, you'll find insight and encouragement to help you live your life in the best way possible.

Sound good? I hope so!

Stop by for a new post every Tuesday and Thursday. And in the meantime, leave a comment on topics you'd like to see on the blog!

3 Tips to Trade Insecurity for Confidence!

If we let it, insecurity will really limit our relationships and our potential, so here are three tips for building confidence that have helped me:
Recognize that you’re not perfect but you are valuable. God purposely created you with your personality and your quirks specifically to be a part of this time and this place. If you let insecurity and fear of failure hold you back, you’re depriving the world of something it was meant to have—you!Surround yourself with confident friends and role models. Watching confidence in action is so inspiring, so whether they’re friends or heroes you’ve never met, find people you can admire and emulate in your life!Challenge yourself to get out there. Confidence can be built by repetition. You’ll learn failure isn’t as bad as you thought and the more you get out there, the more you’ll succeed, too.
If this was helpful to you and you haven’t already done so, I hope you’ll like my Facebook page. You won't see me as often here on the blog anymore, but I'm creating videos--one of this post, in fact--and posting them there, along with other content that inspires and encourages me. 
Come say hi there!
What are your tips for building confidence?
Love,Your Sister

True Beauty

[image error] I’ve been thinking a lot about the topic of beauty lately.
I believe beauty is a gift from God that reflects something about him in our world.
But I think our appreciation of beauty crosses a line, especially where people are concerned. How often do we play favorites based on looks, over spend on clothes and makeup, poison friendships with jealousy, or put ourselves down even though all of us are hand crafted by our Creator?
So let’s all take a step back together and re-center on what beauty is supposed to be. Let’s echo Psalm 27 and ask God for the honor of gazing upon the beauty of the Lord. Let’s listen to Peter who says our adorning should be about the person of the heart. Let’s let beauty draw us closer to God but not further from each other or even from our own purpose in life. Let’s stop letting the external outweigh the internal. Your value isn’t there. It’s in the hand of a mighty and beautiful God who died so you could have a relationship him. 
If that’s not beautiful, I don’t know what is.
What verses do you turn to when you need a reminder of what true beauty is?
Love,Your Sister

Selling yourself in pitches and interviews

[image error] One of my writing friends met an editor at a conference this weekend. I was there as they discussed her manuscript and was thrilled for her when he asked to meet to discuss her writing further. As she prepared to meet with him, she was concerned that he wouldn't like one particular aspect of what she'd written in her novel. She didn't quite put it this way, but she seemed to be ready to talk him out of looking at her writing based on what she expected his response to be.

The thing is, I'd been there when this particular aspect of her writing had been discussed, and I felt she'd already represented it honestly. For the editor to know more about it (including if it would work for his publishing house or not), he would have to read the novel. So, I borrowed some advice I'd heard once and told her to not reject herself for him. If he is going to say no, let him work to be the one who comes up with a reason why her novel doesn't fit the needs of his company.

If you're in a situation like this, I urge you to do the same. You may not be a writer, but I'll bet you interview for jobs from time to time. Be honest about your qualifications, but once the potential employer is aware, don't put undue stress on an area where you think you might be unqualified.

For example, when I once interviewed for a position that would've been a promotion, the company declined me saying that I didn't have enough experience running a department the size of theirs. I think they mentioned budgets, in particular, as something where my work experience was lacking. Did I bring that up when I interviewed with the next company? No way!

Granted, the company I interviewed with next was hiring a manager for a department smaller than the previous one, but my experience was with still smaller budgets and levels of responsibility than those that went along with the position for which I was interviewing. I could've discredited myself by stressing the fact that I'd never held a position quite like theirs. But I had already been honest about my experience. (And this is important: I am not saying you should be dishonest or misrepresent yourself!) From there, they'd have to decide on their own if I was qualified because I wasn't going to talk down my skills.

I got the job. It was a step up for me, and that meant responsibility I hadn't had before, as I (and my new employer) knew it would. But I succeeded at the job, and I think my employer would agree, based on the positive review I received after working there for a year.

So! No giving decision makers an extra-easy out by voluntarily expounding on your own shortfalls. If you're going to go through the trouble of being rejected, they ought to go through the trouble of coming up with their own reason your qualifications don't work for them. :)

I mentioned writing and interviewing applications. Can you think of other situations where this applies?

Love,
Your Sister

Photo credit: James Traf on unsplash.com

Building confidence by remembering who God is and what he's done

[image error] When we're faced with challenges and obstacles in our lives, it's easy to worry. For me, anyway. That's part of why I was happy to come across this video on Facebook this morning. It's full of reminders about who God is, and remembering that, as a Christian, is the best way I can think of to overcome fears of all kinds. Whatever you face, God's got everything--you included--in the palm of his hand!

Remembering what God has done in the past helps me, too.

Deuteronomy 8:2-4 says, "And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Your clothing did not wear out on you and your foot did not swell these forty years."  (ESV)

God did good things and provided everything his people needed, but he did so in the midst of a challenging situation that he purposely put them in for their own good. This chapter is full of reminders to the Israelites about what God did for them in the past and how that should affect their behavior in the future--namely, they should trust him enough to obey him.

This is true of us today, too. Jesus died on the cross in order to have a relationship with you, and because of that, we know we can trust and obey him no matter what he brings into our lives. But I'm willing to bet there are other events that occurred during your lifetime that you can look back on, too.


It's no secret that I'm getting ready to attend a writer's conference. I'm a little anxious about representing my writing to editors while I'm among such a crowd of other wonderful writers. But when I remember how far God has brought me, the blessings and lessons along the way, I find my confidence in him renewed.

It's a mix of little and bigger things... The time a theater group visited my school and chose the skit I wrote to act out from among the crowd. The time a critique partner said they got so caught up in the story that they didn't make many comments on what I ought to change. The time a literary agent believed in my work enough to represent it. The time I placed in that contest.

But, like the Israelites, some of those blessings came with a wilderness attached. Hard events in my life have also shaped me. Looking back, I can see the blessing of those. And if God brings good through the times when I'm challenged or feeling a little lost in my own personal wilderness,  I can go into this conference knowing that whatever God has for me, it's for the best.

If I take the time to remember, my own life story instills me with confidence in who God is, what he's done, and how very faithful and loving he is.

What work have you seen God do in your own personal past with your own eyes that can bolster your belief in what he's going to do in your future?








 






Photo Credit: Unsplash.com, kazuend

What we overlook when we obsess over looks

[image error] I recently read a romance novel that has me thinking. As a writer, I tend to have a strong romantic element in my novels, and I honestly admit that I enjoy writing and reading about attractive characters. However, I felt like this novel I read crossed a bit of a line in that regard where the hero was concerned.

The heroine of the story, beautiful herself, we know from how other characters describe her, gushes time and time again about how GORGEOUS the hero is. The other women in the story seem to agree. He's tall. He's chiseled--face and body. His eyes are captivating. He's strong. He's... Well, if there's a good physical trait, he probably has it, and it seems like all the women who've seen him have noticed.

Emotionally, he's a mess, but of course, he's well on the path to healing that by the end of the book. This guy is perfect.

And only realistic for maybe .01% of the population. Maybe.

For me, spending so much time reading about the good looks of this character bred a noticeable sense of discontentment. I love my husband. Please understand that. But he and every other husband I've seen, except maybe two on TV or in movies (Oh, wait. Nope. Those characters aren't married.), do not measure up to the perfection I just spent hundreds of pages dwelling on.

Our culture--and this includes me--is obsessed with beauty. We read books, watch movies, and follow TV shows that all feature the ideal of the physical world. Beauty attracts us. Of course it does. I'm not suggesting that we need to forget all about it. But in this book, and I'm guessing in some area of each of our lives, physical beauty becomes an obsession. When we obsess over looks, we overlook the true value of the people God has placed in our lives, ourselves included, and that path can lead to destruction.

We grow discontent with ourselves and maybe our spouses. We value the physical over the emotional and spiritual. We compare ourselves to those closest to us, and we lose the battle. We start putting ourselves down, sometimes while complimenting someone we love and admire. (Having been on the receiving end of one of those compliments, let me say that a comment like that makes me sad without flattering me at all. You just dissed someone I love! You!) We starve ourselves to attain the right jean size. We tan ourselves into skin cancer. We... You get the picture.

Beauty is just one positive trait in a huge, long list of positive traits that are out there. And physical beauty is skin-deep and fleeting, anyway. So, let's try to appreciate beauty without obsessing over it. Let's thank God for it without making it our main focus. And let's refuse to lose sight of our own God-given value, because, trust me, he created you with value and purpose that is so much more than how you look.

Love,
Your sister

Photo credit: Unsplash.com, Zach Minor

6 Ways for the Christian to Beat Event-Related Stress

[image error] I'm struggling as I prepare to attend a writer's conference in a couple of weeks. I could list all the elements of the conference and my to-do items that have me stressed, but that would probably only serve to stress you out, too.

Come to think of it, one of the reasons I'm stressed about this conference is that I follow a couple of blogs about writing where the authors outline tasks we should be doing to prep for the conference. Though they're right to a point, the lists are pretty demanding, and they're not all the same, so the reminders and prep work multiplied in my mind and turned into such a monster that you'd think this was my first conference.

My guess is that you're no stranger to stressing over a big event either, whether it's  test, a conference, a job interview, a class reunion, or... anything! So, from here on out, instead of writing about conferences specifically, we'll lump all those stressors together and just call it The Event.

How can we slay The Event's worry monster and it's arm-length to-do list?

With another to-do list, of course--but I hope that you'll find this one encouraging!

Think about things that are THRPLA EWOP (pronounced: thurp-la ee-whop). Philippians 4:8 tell us, "Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about thinks that are excellent and worthy of praise." I came up with Thrpla as a memory prompt to remember the list of positives in this verse. And, in remembering it, I know I'm not to dwell on past mistakes, whether they're my own or another person's story of a moment at The Event that's gone wrong and what they're doing to prevent it from happening again. Instead of dwelling on my fears, I'm to focus on my God-given strengths, the goodness of my God, and the wonderful opportunity he's given me by allowing me to go to The Event.

Don't go it alone! Talk through the challenges you face going into The Event with a trusted friend who will not help you wallow in worry but who will help you find solutions. Sometimes, we have no alternative but to walk a challenging road, but sometimes a friend can see a solution you missed. But remember Thrpla! Look for solutions and don't dwell on negatives!

Keep your priorities straight. That means putting God first and prioritizing time with him over time spent preparing for The Event. Have you read your Bible and prayed today? No? This is closely related to the first item on this list because spending time with God is the best way to remember what is truly Thrpla and what's just garbage we've picked up from the world.

Also remember that our mission in life isn't to realize our own interests. Instead, we are here to glorify God and to bring honor to the name of Jesus. Considering your own interests as less important than whatever God has for you can lower your stress.

Make a list. Yes, another to-do list. When we're in thought, a handful of to-do items can feel daunting, but when they're on a page and you find that what seemed like a lot to keep straight is really on four items, it's encouraging. Plus, who doesn't love to cross items off as complete? But as you write that list...

Be reasonable in what you ask of yourself. I'm a perfectionist who likes to have all her bases covered. But if I try to do everything everyone recommends plus find a solution for whatever little worries worm their way into my head, I'll drive myself crazy. I have to ask myself if everything I have in mind really reasonable. I have to decide what I'm really going to spend my energy on and what I'm going to let slide as less important.

Remember that you're not in control. God is. And that's perfect because God is perfect and no one can thwart his purposes. The Event may not turn out the way you had in mind, but if you've put reasonable work into preparing, you can relax in the providence of the God who created and loves you.

You don't have to do it all, and whatever you do, you don't have to do it alone.

How do you stay sane while preparing for The Event?

Love,
Your Sister

photo credit: Unsplash.com, Jose Martin