Emily Conrad's Blog, page 26

3 Truths that Get Me Through Slumps, Target, and Worry

Who me? Function like an adult? Sometimes, to navigate the world, I feel like I needed a doctorate in adulting, but I'm learning that life doesn't take advanced degrees. Instead, God can use simple truths to sustain me, if I'll just let Him.

Here are three of my recent favorites:

It'll come around. I can get overwhelmed by big tasks. We looked at a fixer upper this weekend, and as my husband and I talked (read: argued) about staircases, egress windows, and a master bedroom that did not yet exist in a home we do not own, I got completely stressed out. Add to that the questions of how the money would work, and I did not have a good weekend.


I talked through it with my husband and parents and my mom advised me to take it one step at a time. She said some people (her, actually) enjoyed this process and it didn't have to be so stressful. I just needed to ask questions and basically unravel the knot one thread at a time. I was not consoled.

But the next day, after sleeping and more talking, I felt completely better about it. I was reminded that sometimes, in writing, too, I'm overwhelmed by the tasks before me. In writing, I'm (generally) able to keep the perspective that it'll come around. Going hand-in-hand with this are the beliefs that I'll eventually figure it out and there's a time for everything. If I don't have the ambition to tackle a project now, I just have to circle it a little longer until I get a foothold, and then, my route will be laid out before me, and it'll come around. I'll draft my novel. I'll figure out the house.

Let my failure at remembering this be your reminder to keep this in mind. Don't get stressed. Remember, it'll come around.


I have everything I need. I put this on repeat and jam out to it as I walk through Target, TJ Maxx, and whatever other store manages to cram its aisles and shelves full of beautiful, peach and pink or mint and white accessories, clothing, mugs... Don't even get me started on gray suede footwear. I have everything I need. And more.

Thinking that leads me to consider the things I already own as I pass all the things that tempt me. I have so many pretty things. I have an orchid next to my laptop as I type. I have quite a stash of pretty earrings. I have more clothes that I love in my collection than I can wear on a regular basis.

Do I always resist the temptation to collect more? No. But this saying is true, and it does point me in the right direction when I use it. I hope it helps you, too.

God, You are good, and I trust You. I have to give the credit for this one to blogger Allie over at We Are New Romantics, who wrote about using this line as a centering prayer in this post. Because of the aforementioned house, I didn't sleep well on Saturday night, but as I woke up and tried to fall back to sleep, when all the thoughts about the house and all the things I'd managed to get worked up about tried to crowd in, I repeated this to myself instead. Guess what happened? I fell back asleep. Whew.

I love this one because it's so simple and so true and it's the only one of the three that's a prayer. We're told to pray without ceasing, but sometimes dwelling on our problems after we've hashed them out so many times already isn't the healthiest way to go. Sometimes, just handing it back to God with a simple statement like this works wonders.

Overwhelmed, stressed out, and losing sleep? Try it. God, You are good, and I trust You.


What simple truths get you through the day?

Scars and Love

Valentine's Day is over, and I suppose that's just as well because when I set out to share with you some writing on love, and an unexpected theme emerged: scars.

Not usually what we all think of when we think of February 14th.

Scars interest me in that there's a story behind each one. They represent both frailty and the body's incredible ability to heal. Some remind us of both a physical trauma and an emotional journey. And some scars are purely emotional.


When the initial injury occurs and we're bleeding physically or emotionally, we rely on the care of those around us. Love that has been quietly sustaining our normal, daily lives, steps forward to carry us. We realize how deep and strong it really is, and we come away with a greater appreciation for it. Accepting that kind of love can heal emotional scars and can help us to love ourselves, regardless of what physical damage a scar may have left.

The kind of love I'm talking about is something that goes much further than what we celebrate on Valentine's Day. Yes, this kind of love can be practiced in romantic relationships, but it also exists between friends, family, and us and our Savior. All of these loves can conquer scars. Jesus's love for us, best of all.

So, in my writing and in my life, it seems to me that scars and love are tied together. Love conquers scars, and scars reveal love.


I hope you'll enjoy the excerpt and poem below, two separate pieces, one fictional and one auto-biographical. I hope you come away from this post with a deeper appreciation for the scar-conquering love in your life.


Excerpt from “A Thing of Beauty”

She looked at the portfolio she’d kept nearby since her last call to Emmerich. If she took it to him, she would have to accept him, however he looked when he answered the door.Love mattered more than scars. She must decide here and now: did she really love him?Is he even recognizable, God?Of course his God would still recognize him. God knew Emmerich on a deeper level than his face, deeper than his talent, and certainly deeper than his scars.Beyond the physical scars, they’d also have to face the scar of his decision to keep her out of his personal tragedy and the scar of the loss of his talent. She swayed under the weight of it all, but then she lowered her feet to the ground and stood.Love could endure all things, it always hoped, and it mattered more than scars. She could show him that again, and the portfolio would help.
To read the full story, use the form on the right to sign up for my email list. You can download the story from the final confirmation email.

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The Thread and the Rope A fall, a broken bone, surgery,a two month leave from work to heal.Between naps, hundreds of pagesof story unfolded, my daysa pattern for a life tailored to writing,a garment I would one day finish and slip into,the scalpel’s white thread in the skin of my wrist,a seam I touch as I say, Worth it.
Your hands are more scarred than mine.Both front and back bear knots, thick rope securing me to You.As I hesitate to touch those marks,You reach out to me. You say, Worth it.

Refreshing the Creative Soul

I'm not so good at taking time off. Here's how I know: the question, "What do you do for fun?" is convicting.

Does drinking coffee count?

Um, no, I suppose not.

When I'm carried away with chasing down dreams, my answer is that I write and that it's okay that it's (basically) all I do because it's such varied work. I write a poem, a blog post, a chapter, an essay. To switch it up, I create graphics for my blog. 

Though I have yet to make money at it and though it is my dream and though I enjoy most of these tasks, writing is my job. Because I enjoy it, I can keep up this workaholic pace for quite a while. But then something will happen that throws me for a loop, either inside or outside of my writing life--sometimes both--and I'll find myself feeling lost, uninspired, and depressed.

No good.

So how does a creative overachiever recharge?

Find a way to incorporate art into spending time with God. He is, after all, the source of life, light, and inspiration. He's the ultimate Creator, and if we hope to also create things, we need to involve him in any attempt to recharge. This could be writing out a prayer, drawing something, or dancing to worship music, depending on your favorite forms of art. I've seen those coloring books with Bible verses included in among the flowers, but I don't have one of my own, so instead I wrote out a verse and tried to make it pretty.

Do something creative that doesn't help your to-do list. Knitting and crochet come in here for me. Unlike watching TV, yarn art provides me with time to think and leaves me with something to enjoy when I'm done.

Clean up your work area. Cleaning isn't the most restful thing I could do, but it does give my mind freedom to think while creating a space I can relax or work in with less stress later. I have a habit of sliding to-be-filed paperwork to the right side of my desk... and letting it accumulate for months. How much nicer my desk looks when I clean that up!

Talk to a friend. Maybe this applies to other artsy types or maybe it's an introvert thing or maybe it's just me (okay, I know it's not that...), but I tend to get quiet when I'm overwhelmed or sad. I'll write about my problems or process them in a blog post, but I shrink from mentioning them in person when I need support the most. I have to make an effort to reach out. Make sure you do, too.

This list is a just a start! What to you to to recharge and refresh when you're burning out?

Handwritten Notes

Handwritten notes and thoughts are very personal, aren't they? Maybe it's that we so often correspond with loved ones in typed forms--text, emails, printed Christmas letters, Facebook posts--but I love to see actual handwriting, especially the handwriting of my loved ones. As I type this, I can picture my sister's writing and my husband's writing and my mom's. All different, all a marker of who they are.

When one of those precious hands takes the time to write me a note, I'm like a groupie who got a rock star's signature. "He touched this! He actually touched this! And he wrote something! To me!"

Okay, so I'm exaggerating. But isn't it special to get a note? Someone took the time to express something important, and now you have a memento of it to keep. Depending on what it is, future generations may even see it and consider it a precious heirloom.

The Apostle Paul seems to agree to the importance of handwritten notes. He used his own handwriting to stress points in his letters to the Galatians and the Corinthians. In 1 Corinthians, he throws in the fact that he's sending a greeting in his "own hand right" after encouraging believers to greet each other "with a holy kiss." Could it be that he saw handwriting as the closest thing he could offer, given the distance?

Whether it's a note from someone else, a journal, or (for a writer like me) an old version of a story, coming across a few lines from the past is a telling reminder of where we've been. It's us and/or our loved ones in our unedited form--or at least, our unedited form is there below the scribbles. Our progression from one thought to another is there, the conclusions we came to. When we look back, it's like seeing a snapshot of our mindset, showcasing what we really thought was true at the time. We can cherish that feeling of a connection to the past or we can be glad we've come so far. We can remember what used to be important to us and perhaps realign our priorities.

This is what I found, anyway, when a picture of another writer's notebook inspired me to page through my own. When I edit on computer, I usually edit right over old drafts so when they're gone, they're gone. But I occasionally take out a notebook and work there.

In my notebook, which I admittedly hadn't opened in a couple of months, I found the very first scene of the manuscript I finished writing in January, except it had changed quite a bit over the course of the story--changed for the better, thankfully. I also found some of the brainstorming and drafting I did when I wrote "A Thing of Beauty," the short story my email subscribers receive as a thank you.

Thanks to the fact that I occasionally write things out, I had the chance to look back at these things. Because of the treasures I found there, I'm more dedicated to using my notebook once in a while. I'm also more conscious of the value  of writing notes to people I love. When I give cards out for Valentine's Day, you can bet they're going to include an extra handwritten sentence or two. I hope you'll consider doing the same.

In this spirit, as yet another thank you to those of you who subscribe to my emails and took the time to read "A Thing of Beauty," I hope you'll take a close look over at the bottom expert from my notebook. It's an expanded scene from the story I'm honestly not sure why I cut down to just one line. I hope you enjoy the behind-the-scenes look at brainstorming and writing! (If you'd like to read the whole thing, there's a form in the right sidebar to sign up for emails.)

How often do you write things out by hand? Do you ever look back at your journals, notes, and cards?

A Snowstorm of Emotion

Today, snow is falling. It affects the world like the filters I use on my photos to turn them white, then whiter. I set text over photos like these, Bible verses or thoughts I find poignant. Today, the world matches these photos. The snow blurs the foreground, muting the background, inviting me to think something in the white spaces God has provided.

The mood I'm in is a flurry to rival the one outside my window. It has turned me into a writer who cannot write my normal posts, one who must ask for you to humor this change of pace.

My personal storm started the day I visited a neighbor and friend who is now, as I type, scraping into her lungs breath that will not sustain her long. She is dying, and the experience of holding her hand, rejoicing at the few moments she opened her eyes and focused, speaking with her daughter-in-law, these moments flurry before me and change my perspective. The world is still the same, but some edges are softened and some new details come into sharp relief, as though a fresh layer of snow now blankets my old perspectives of life and death.

I now think of life as more precious than I did before. I think of the privilege it is to be alive, the moments of unspeakable joy that make even suffering worthwhile. I think of how temporary we are. I think of how, when the joy of living is past and it comes to dying, the only hope and encouragement I have to offer is in Jesus, and how Jesus insists I love my brother, and how I fail at that. I want to do better, but I also want nothing more than to curl up at home with a book.

Today, the reading I gravitate toward is the kind that matches this flurry of introspection. It doesn't answer my thoughts or fill in the blanks of the white world around me. These essays and poems only assure me I'm not the only one looking out the window at a snowstorm of joy and sadness.

I finish reading and stare out at the world that is getting lost in the snow. The soft edge of a living shape hops through my view. A bunny dressed in his fluffy winter coat silently navigates the maze of flakes, maybe as dazed as I am. Maybe he knows exactly where he's going.

These storms won't last, and I don't want them to. I love spring. I love life. I don't like to dwell on the cold facts. I don't function well when I do. But that doesn't mean that I don't find this storm beautiful. So, I swathe my camera in plastic wrap, I pull on my coat and boots, and I go out to take a few shots. As I wait for this storm to end, I document it.

I snap pictures, and my heart hammers, crying, Look how much there is to see here!

There is beauty here. There are things I need to see and feel and record. Like melting snow that waters grass and rivers in spring, the things I think and feel and come to know in this flurry will cause new growth when the sky clears.

Beautifully Broken

In my neighborhood lives a tree that I noticed years ago is shaped like a heart. The amateur photographer in me has been meaning to capture the image, and I finally got around to it after a recent snowfall.
I posted the result across my social media pages, labeling it as an early Valentine to my followers and friends, who seemed to appreciate it as much as I did.

But when I look at the picture, it occurs to me that this beautiful tree is the shape that it is because of tragedy.

See the middle branch that abruptly stops? If not for that, the tree wouldn't be the shape that it is. In fact, I'd venture to say that if it hadn't grown so large and then fallen, it wouldn't have impacted the shape of the other branches enough to leave them heart-shaped now. So imagine that large branch there, dominating the center of the tree. Then imagine the force it took for such a large bough to be broken. The crack and crash as it fell, the damage it did to the rest of the tree and to the ground when it hit.

This tree knows hard times. It was shaped by them, and we now appreciate it because of them.

To be human is to walk around with a few broken branches of our own, representing loss and unfulfilled hopes. This time of year, as Valentine's Day approaches, those without significant others tend to feel that missing branch of their life. Other times of year, we miss those who've died. Or other tragedies and difficult situations cause big branches of our lives to snap and plummet to the mud. So, it's by growing seasons and seasons of loss that we are shaped.

We are tempted to let those losses embitter our hearts against the situations, the people, and the God we believe wronged us.

Let us, as Christians, drop this bitterness and remember that broken branches make us beautiful, just like they do this tree.

Tragedy gives us causes to fight for, shows us what love should be by teaching us what it's not, and instills in us empathy and compassion we could achieve no other way. Hard times expose our weaknesses so we learn to rely on Christ's strength instead of our own. Failure redirects us toward or qualifies us for the special work the Lord has for us to do in this world.

The sadder and harder events of my childhood, especially, have shaped me into the introspective writer I am. The difficult moments of your life have shaped you, too, and all of us, as we're shaped by losses and trials, are in very good company.

It was by painful sacrifice that Jesus became our perfect Savior, and now, because he is our Savior, we can trust that he is in loving control of even our trials. If you're a believer, then the Bible promises that everything, including the hardships, is working for the glory of God, the same God who has wonderful plans for you. The God who promises to heal and restore.

We can have faith in that. And even if the only result of our tragedy is to strengthen our faith in God, isn't that truly beauty worth sacrificing for?

Yet I know how easy it is to get bogged down on the journey toward seeing the beauty that follows pain. Sometimes, that journey takes years or a lifetime. Sometimes we don't see the beauty at all on this earth. Always, we'll never see the full beauty until heaven when our Creator shows it to us.

While we wait for this, let's draw courage from God's promise to be the healer of the broken and the redeemer of our souls. Let's rest in the truth that God will give us "oil symbolizing joy, instead of mourning, a garment symbolizing praise, instead of discouragement" and that we "will be called oaks of righteousness, trees planted by the Lord to reveal his splendor." (Isaiah 61:3, NET)
All this, inspired by one beautiful, damaged tree. What do you find beautiful despite its brokenness? 

Never Surrender

Last night, I read the story of how Singapore fell to the Japanese during World War 2. I won't get into all the facts and figures lest I a)bore you, or, b)get it wrong, but suffice to say the Allied forces protecting Singapore outnumbered their Japanese attackers. Each side had some advantages, and apparently Singapore was expected to fall at some point, but the troops were supposed to fight to the death with the hope that they could hold the important city for months.

Instead, they surrendered after about 2 weeks.

Considering the behavior of the Japanese toward those they'd captured--think rape, murder, and heads on stakes--this was horrifying.

A loss of communication was cited as one of the problems for the Allies. They also didn't seem to understand how stretched the invading army was, and how they may have been able to hold on if they'd just fought with the mentality that they'd stay in it "to the last man" as they'd been ordered. Another thing is that they may not have understood the cost of surrendering for their nation and for themselves. The odds of surviving Japanese POW camps were not good.

I have to acknowledge, however, that as horrifying as this loss was, I'm in danger of surrendering when I shouldn't, too.

[image error] Like soldiers who lose the ability to communicate with command, Christians can step out of communication with God.

Left to judge by what we see in front of us, we overestimate the powers that are acting against us.

We underestimate the powers that are fighting alongside us.

We also don't understand the consequences of surrendering. 

Or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, we might live in denial that there is actually a spiritual war raging around us.

How often do we give up our duties and our dreams, deeming them impossible, when from God's view, the victory was guaranteed if only we'd stay in the fight?

So, Christians, let's make no mistake. There is a war. If there weren't, we wouldn't need spiritual armor as outlined in Ephesians 6. And since there is a war:

Communicate with your Commander. God wants us to seek him, and when we do, we'll find him, and when we find him, he'll give us our marching orders.


[image error] Fight for those things to which you've been called. God has given each of us a mission. He has plans for us. At the most basic level, this is living a life of righteousness and thanksgiving, but odds are, he's also tasked you with other responsibilities, and as you read this, I hope those come to your mind as they do mine.

Never surrender. God outnumbers and overpowers any enemy we face, and if we're following his will, there is no way for us to lose.

Going back to World War 2, despite losing a stunning number of battles, the Allied forces as a whole didn't surrender. They continued the fight despite the dismal outcome of the first few years of the war, and they went on to win in the long run.

Likewise, a few losses don't doom a believer. We can always reestablish communication and get back in the fight!

What verses encourage you to continue even when you're facing what appear to be insurmountable odds?

3 Simple Ways to Take Care of Yourself

I didn't make a New Year's resolution, so I can't break one, but I do have an ongoing commitment to taking care of myself because, well, I'm stuck with myself for the rest of my life, and I'd prefer that be a loooong time.

But, as a writer, it's easy to sit home and drink coffee all day without moving much. Also, it's easy to let my life revolve around my job, which is also my favorite hobby.

This is no way to live! Yet, some advice for being healthy is so intimidating that I lose the motivation to even try. Gym memberships, fancy diets, and more seem out of my reach.

Let's dial it back and not make taking care of ourselves rocket science. Here are some simple things I'm doing to live healthier and happier:

Move a little more - I walk my dogs every day, weather permitting, and I've let that pass as my workout for months now. But as a healthy 32-year-old, a walk really isn't enough, especially since my job is writing. Not much movement there. I was beginning to feel it. So, I unrolled my yoga mat and did some Pilates yesterday. I felt better all day, and the slight soreness I feel today reminds me that I used muscles that will be stronger the next time I need them. That's a good feeling.

Relax - I did a post about this earlier this month, but it's worth repeating. In today's world, it's possible to carry your work with you everywhere you go in the form of laptops and smartphones. Don't do it! We deserve time off and our bosses will thank us for it because that time will allow us to come back to work refreshed.

Drink water - So simple, but something I put off and tend to forget. This girl loves her coffee, but water leaves me feeling so much better. Plus, drinking the right amount of water helps promote weight loss by stopping your body from retaining water, by helping you feel good so you'll move more, and by filling your tummy calorie-free when it's not time to eat yet.

What other simple tips do you have for taking care of yourself?

Is Jesus really trending where it counts?

I only just started using Twitter in the last few months, so maybe it surprises me more than other people how frequently Jesus or variations of Jesus/Christianity are listed among the many other subjects trending on Twitter.

This morning, for example, under trends of #penguinawarenessday, Sarah Palin, and Jamie Foxx, Lord Jesus and Christianity were listed.


Though I have wondered how this happens when our nation seems less and less interested in Jesus, to me, the more important question isn't whether or not Jesus is really trending in the US or on Twitter.

The important question is: Is Jesus really trending in the lives of those who claim to follow him--including in my own life? And if so, what else is trending alongside him?

If you were to see a list of the trends in my mind right now, tied to how many thoughts I have about each subject... well, I'm embarrassed to think of what would come up.

I do think Jesus would make the list, but my mind would be as all-over-the-place as the Twitter trends, which this morning ranged from Penguin Awareness Day to Christianity.

And some of the trends in my mind would not be so harmless.

So, if Jesus is really trending in someone's life, what things really ought to be on list of trends with his name?

Trending is a newer term, but the Bible does talk about Jesus ruling in our hearts, and I think that's a pretty similar idea.

Colossians 3:15-17 says, "And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." (ESV).

These three verses provide quite a list of appropriate trends for believer:
Peace
Unity
Gratitude
Spiritual Growth
Wisdom
Praise
Good works
Even more gratitude

And this is just from three verses in a chapter full of other insights into what the Christian life should look like.

Join me in taking a look at the trends in your heart. What's on the list? What should or should not be?

Let's take those trends back to Jesus, give them to him, and ask him to lead our hearts toward the trends that really matter and glorify him.

Take a Little Time

Being aware of people around me who achieve more than me nags me.

Two examples. First, I didn't feel ready to participate in NaNoWriMo, where novelists around the country commit to writing 50,000 words in the month of November. At the time, I justified it saying I had other projects going (I did) but I just couldn't let it go without telling myself (and others...) that I'd complete a similar challenge when the timing was right.

Second, one of my writing friends recently brought up another writer who writes something like fifteen books per year. Fifteen! To think I was awed by my friend who commits to writing three in a year. It's enough to leave me a little insecure about my relatively newly established pace of producing one polished manuscript per year.

When I considered NaNo and how much others were writing, I decided it'd be perfect if I could write 100,000 words in two months. I'd finish my manuscript, and then I could spend at least the next few months polishing it.
Ready, set, go!

Since writing is my full-time endeavor, the goal isn't all that crazy. What may be a little crazy, though, is that, despite being ahead of schedule, I'm constantly attached to my computer. During times that ought to be downtime, I tote the computer along and sit with my story open so I might sneak in a few words. I have a hard time setting it aside to read, enjoy other hobbies, or give adequate attention to other responsibilities. It's become all about writing.

Thankfully, I've come across a lot of encouragement to slow down: a post by a respected agent that made one manuscript per year sound "prolific"; a couple of posts about enjoying winter; a friend who took all of December off; others who took their own versions of breaks; even an ad that called those fancy coloring books a way to de-stress and practice mindfulness.

What? Those books can stress me out! All those little spaces to color? Such big books! When will I ever finish??

That gives you an idea of how I approach projects, and my reaction to that ad was a bit of a wake up call for me. When did I get to the point that I couldn't relax, even while I colored?

Finally, I got out my coloring book last night. I've slowly colored three flowers a few pages in. (I went out of order and haven't worried too much about staying in all these teeny-tiny lines. This, for me, is progress!) I spent some of the time praying. I focused on some Bible passages. It's noon as I write this, and I haven't yet opened my manuscript, and I probably won't be able to for at least an hour or two.

But when I do, I believe it'll be with renewed ability to write because I've taken some time to recharge. I've taken time to read a few more posts, to think, to pray, to process.

I'm not throwing away my goal to finish my manuscript by the end of the month, but I am committing to taking time for rest out of each day and to setting goals for myself not based on what others are achieving but on what I'm able to accomplish while still doing my best.

I hope this post encourages you to do the same.

How does slowing down and taking some time for yourself look to you?