Sophia Sunshine Vilceus's Blog: In His Will, page 7
October 16, 2015
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September 28, 2015
"But Have I Ever?"
I recently completed an insightful book by Dr. Brene Brown entitled, “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead.” It is an important book on vulnerability, transparency, and courageousness—all concepts and gifts that I am trying to hone in on in this particular season of my life and work. A close sister-friend of mine, who also read the book, recommended it to me because she agreed that I could benefit from this particular narrative and research. Because we both read the book, we often send each other random messages in the week, that say, “vulnerability is...” and we fill in the blank. Recently, we laughed when I shared with her, “vulnerability is… me attempting to Parallel Park when people are watching.” We chuckled because we both know that parallel parking is certainly not a skill that I am very good at, let alone, when people are observing and making me nervous.
Because I find myself fascinated with how the concepts of vulnerability, transparency, and courageousness are illustrated in Brown’s book, I often find myself just thinking inwardly, “vulnerability is…” throughout my day. Last Sunday, after church service, I went to the grocery store, Walmart to be precise, with what felt like not enough money to cover what I had in my shopping cart. I was trying to accumulate groceries to merely get though the week. Have you ever been there? -- Where you are strategizing not how to experience the week ahead, but how to simply survive the week?
I was budgeting in my mind how to balance the groceries and gas for the week to hold me over until the following Friday: Pay Day. I had a particular figure in my head that I simply could not go over. Financially, even with working multiple jobs and tithing, things have been tough as of late and the insecurity of potentially not having enough has been incredibly daunting. As I was placing bread, water, and eggs in my shopping cart, I said to myself: “vulnerability is …grocery shopping and being unsure if you have enough to cover your groceries.”
As I was walking to the cashier, in my mind, I played the scenario out of watching the sub-total accumulate and having my debit card decline at the register in front of those behind me. That crippling thought, led me to say to God in a very assertive and commanding voice, “Don’t embarrass me, God.” Just like that. It was almost as though I was speaking to an unruly child in the middle of the candy aisle. But right away, He responded, “but have I ever?” I paused for a moment at that truth and courageously walked to the cashier. Even with so many groceries in my cart, not only did the debit card not decline, I managed to stay under the budget that I set out in my mind. He is not a God of ‘not enough’. God is a God of provisions and abundance. God functions when we are not enough, when we feel as though we don’t have enough. He is always more than enough and He will never leave us hanging.
As I step into a new dimension in my life’s work and ministry, I realize that a part of the reason why I have been going through constant financial hardship in this moment of my life is because God wants to know: “Sophia, even when you’re down to your last dime and your phone service has been suspended for a few days. Even when you feel like you don’t have enough and that you are not enough, will you still faithfully answer the call that is on your life? Will you still serve Me in the same capacity when you are running on Empty as you would when you are on Full?” My answer is Yes.
We must understand that many times when we are so afraid of not being adequately covered, healed, provided for, protected, loved [you fill in your blank], it is because we are projecting what we feel about our circumstance onto God. Though God is in the midst of our circumstance, God is not our circumstance. In other words, though God is moving in our broken finances, and our deteriorating health, our aging bodies, our frail relationships—we cannot think of God himself as ever being inherently broken, deteriorating, aging, or frail.
Nervously anticipating my upcoming Christian book that is extremely transparent and vulnerable, I found myself asking God, “Will you cover me in this venture too?” Of course He will. If He covered me in the midst of my mess, no doubt He will cover me as I deliver His message through the ministry that He has birthed in me. God is like that.
Many of us were conditioned to never question God. But the truth is, because God is God, He can handle our questions. He relishes in us being honest and transparent with Him. Just know that when we question Him about His inability and unwillingness to be our help, He is often asking us right back, “but have I ever?” “Have I ever let you down?” “Have I ever embarrassed you?” “Have I ever not saved you?” “Have I ever shamed you?” “Have I ever?”
If you feel like you are running on Empty and wondering if God is going to do it for you this time, I implore you to lift up this simple prayer:
Dear Gracious God,
Thank You for being my present help. I’m grateful to know that You have my best intentions in mind and at heart, always. I am thankful that Your plans for me are never to harm me, but to unravel good. Forgive me for not always trusting you completely as I should. Help my unbelief. I’m thankful that I can be transparent and vulnerable with you always. Even when I don’t feel like it, I know that I am courageous simply because Your strength dwells in me. No matter how I feel, what I have, or don’t have—I know that You remain a God of ‘More than Enough.’ This day is a gift; I don’t want to merely survive it; I want to experience it and find all the joy in it.
In Jesus’ name, Your child prays.
Amen.
Jeremiah 29:11
Because I find myself fascinated with how the concepts of vulnerability, transparency, and courageousness are illustrated in Brown’s book, I often find myself just thinking inwardly, “vulnerability is…” throughout my day. Last Sunday, after church service, I went to the grocery store, Walmart to be precise, with what felt like not enough money to cover what I had in my shopping cart. I was trying to accumulate groceries to merely get though the week. Have you ever been there? -- Where you are strategizing not how to experience the week ahead, but how to simply survive the week?
I was budgeting in my mind how to balance the groceries and gas for the week to hold me over until the following Friday: Pay Day. I had a particular figure in my head that I simply could not go over. Financially, even with working multiple jobs and tithing, things have been tough as of late and the insecurity of potentially not having enough has been incredibly daunting. As I was placing bread, water, and eggs in my shopping cart, I said to myself: “vulnerability is …grocery shopping and being unsure if you have enough to cover your groceries.”
As I was walking to the cashier, in my mind, I played the scenario out of watching the sub-total accumulate and having my debit card decline at the register in front of those behind me. That crippling thought, led me to say to God in a very assertive and commanding voice, “Don’t embarrass me, God.” Just like that. It was almost as though I was speaking to an unruly child in the middle of the candy aisle. But right away, He responded, “but have I ever?” I paused for a moment at that truth and courageously walked to the cashier. Even with so many groceries in my cart, not only did the debit card not decline, I managed to stay under the budget that I set out in my mind. He is not a God of ‘not enough’. God is a God of provisions and abundance. God functions when we are not enough, when we feel as though we don’t have enough. He is always more than enough and He will never leave us hanging.
As I step into a new dimension in my life’s work and ministry, I realize that a part of the reason why I have been going through constant financial hardship in this moment of my life is because God wants to know: “Sophia, even when you’re down to your last dime and your phone service has been suspended for a few days. Even when you feel like you don’t have enough and that you are not enough, will you still faithfully answer the call that is on your life? Will you still serve Me in the same capacity when you are running on Empty as you would when you are on Full?” My answer is Yes.
We must understand that many times when we are so afraid of not being adequately covered, healed, provided for, protected, loved [you fill in your blank], it is because we are projecting what we feel about our circumstance onto God. Though God is in the midst of our circumstance, God is not our circumstance. In other words, though God is moving in our broken finances, and our deteriorating health, our aging bodies, our frail relationships—we cannot think of God himself as ever being inherently broken, deteriorating, aging, or frail.
Nervously anticipating my upcoming Christian book that is extremely transparent and vulnerable, I found myself asking God, “Will you cover me in this venture too?” Of course He will. If He covered me in the midst of my mess, no doubt He will cover me as I deliver His message through the ministry that He has birthed in me. God is like that.
Many of us were conditioned to never question God. But the truth is, because God is God, He can handle our questions. He relishes in us being honest and transparent with Him. Just know that when we question Him about His inability and unwillingness to be our help, He is often asking us right back, “but have I ever?” “Have I ever let you down?” “Have I ever embarrassed you?” “Have I ever not saved you?” “Have I ever shamed you?” “Have I ever?”
If you feel like you are running on Empty and wondering if God is going to do it for you this time, I implore you to lift up this simple prayer:
Dear Gracious God,
Thank You for being my present help. I’m grateful to know that You have my best intentions in mind and at heart, always. I am thankful that Your plans for me are never to harm me, but to unravel good. Forgive me for not always trusting you completely as I should. Help my unbelief. I’m thankful that I can be transparent and vulnerable with you always. Even when I don’t feel like it, I know that I am courageous simply because Your strength dwells in me. No matter how I feel, what I have, or don’t have—I know that You remain a God of ‘More than Enough.’ This day is a gift; I don’t want to merely survive it; I want to experience it and find all the joy in it.
In Jesus’ name, Your child prays.
Amen.
Jeremiah 29:11
September 23, 2015
Vintage: The Impression of Sin
Last week, I participated in a Book Club meeting with some older women. We had a divine time chatting, fellowshipping, and enjoying some candid big sister-little sister talk. The uniqueness of this particular meeting was that the ladies brought in old garments and accessories from their closets to be swapped among one another. They graciously asked me to come speak about my upcoming book, “The Last Pew: Journeying Back to God’s Will After an Affair” (TLP), and even more graciously invited me to pick up anything/everything I wanted from their table of garments and garnishes. I was hyped! Getting to talk about my beloved book, accompanied by great women and delicious and warm homemade dishes, PLUS getting free purses, blouses, and jewelry—my kind of Saturday night!
My eyes met these beautiful never-been-worn pair of earrings. They were over-sized, round, ashy grey colored clip-ons that screamed: vintage chic. I was excited to wear them to work on Monday. I received so many compliments from my subtle yet bold new addition. They seemed comfortable, were beautiful, and new to me.
As I was doing my regular 30 minute walk on my lunch break, which is also my attempt to salvage any remnants of warm weather, my headphones lightly brushed against my right ear. And…I…was…in…so…much…pain! My ear lobe was throbbing! It wasn't until I took off both the clip-ons that I realized that my gorgeous new earrings had impressed a substantial dent in my poor earlobes! My ears were simply not conditioned for these earrings. How could I be in so much pain from the light brush of a headphone, yet all day I didn't even sense that my ears were so tender?
And I thought to myself. Sin works just like that. We get so comfortable wearing things and identities that seem beautiful and comfortable. We get acclimated to wrong relationships and dishonoring things in our lives. And it isn't until something seemingly minuscule brushes up on us, that we realize how so desensitized we have become to the sin…to the pain…to the injury.
Furthermore, quite often, that is precisely how adulterous relationships ensue. We, as women and men, fail to address all the ways that we feel broken, or lacking, or empty inside ourselves and/or within our relationships. Then someone comes along and simply brushes up on us with a thoughtful conversation, a seemingly sincere compliment, or just a greeting and we fall prey. This new person comes along and things seem so comfortable, and beautiful, and new, that we continually fail to realize that they are simply impressing pain, hurt, and discomfort in our lives that we cannot readily see yet.
No matter the appearance, the façade, or the beauty—we must vow to dismiss and disengage with anything or any person that is not conducive to our well-being. My gorgeous, over-sized, only-been-worn-once, round, ashy grey colored, vintage chic clip on stares at me every morning on my white dresser and begs me to put her on. I have to make an avid choice not to because I am familiar with the repercussions of doing so. Whatever the vintage thing is in your life that screams at you every morning or perhaps every night, I encourage you to make the same choice.
Stay blessed.
In His Will,
Sophia
My eyes met these beautiful never-been-worn pair of earrings. They were over-sized, round, ashy grey colored clip-ons that screamed: vintage chic. I was excited to wear them to work on Monday. I received so many compliments from my subtle yet bold new addition. They seemed comfortable, were beautiful, and new to me.
As I was doing my regular 30 minute walk on my lunch break, which is also my attempt to salvage any remnants of warm weather, my headphones lightly brushed against my right ear. And…I…was…in…so…much…pain! My ear lobe was throbbing! It wasn't until I took off both the clip-ons that I realized that my gorgeous new earrings had impressed a substantial dent in my poor earlobes! My ears were simply not conditioned for these earrings. How could I be in so much pain from the light brush of a headphone, yet all day I didn't even sense that my ears were so tender?
And I thought to myself. Sin works just like that. We get so comfortable wearing things and identities that seem beautiful and comfortable. We get acclimated to wrong relationships and dishonoring things in our lives. And it isn't until something seemingly minuscule brushes up on us, that we realize how so desensitized we have become to the sin…to the pain…to the injury.
Furthermore, quite often, that is precisely how adulterous relationships ensue. We, as women and men, fail to address all the ways that we feel broken, or lacking, or empty inside ourselves and/or within our relationships. Then someone comes along and simply brushes up on us with a thoughtful conversation, a seemingly sincere compliment, or just a greeting and we fall prey. This new person comes along and things seem so comfortable, and beautiful, and new, that we continually fail to realize that they are simply impressing pain, hurt, and discomfort in our lives that we cannot readily see yet.
No matter the appearance, the façade, or the beauty—we must vow to dismiss and disengage with anything or any person that is not conducive to our well-being. My gorgeous, over-sized, only-been-worn-once, round, ashy grey colored, vintage chic clip on stares at me every morning on my white dresser and begs me to put her on. I have to make an avid choice not to because I am familiar with the repercussions of doing so. Whatever the vintage thing is in your life that screams at you every morning or perhaps every night, I encourage you to make the same choice.
Stay blessed.
In His Will,
Sophia
September 3, 2015
Author's Note
What if every thought that you had, you suppressed because you deemed it the right thing to do? What kind of adult becomes the “good girl”, the “a-sexual one”, “the virtuous one?”, “the maternal one”? What dangerous things does she act out in adulthood when she is grown up in the imaginary cage that she created for herself? How do the perceptions of ourselves contribute to the contaminated relationships that we encounter and then fall into?
For many women, living a secret life and engaging in a secret love is real life. And aside from how the world casts these women out or portray them in the sensationalized media, so many fragile, hurting, misplaced, and misguided women are desperately fighting to survive-- to survive their shame, their ache, and their loss of self as they love a man that they know, they should not. Where do these women go? Who do they confide in? Who covers them? The church dismisses them. Their loved ones marginalize them. And society berates them. This adds a whole new thick coating of pain and humiliation.
I speak on this because I know what it is like to have fallen in love with a man who wears a wedding band, while I do not. I speak on this because I know what it is like to be so isolated from every single loved one in my call log because the shame runs that deep and is that real. I speak on this because I know how insane it feels to constantly try to get out of a relationship that seems to have no end-point. I speak on this because I know that Jesus still saves. He still saves and preserves and uses and redeems the “mistresses”, and “the other woman”, and “her” because He did it for me.
“The Last Pew: Journeying Back to God’s Will After an Affair” is not a blame game. It’s not a story on the “bad guy” vs. “the good girl”, or vice versa. It’s an honest recount of confusion, love, mess, grace, sin, shame, backsliding, healing, circles, secrets, cycles, mercy, lust, emotions, healing, forgiveness, relationships, and closure. Though you may not identify with having an affair or your spouse having one, surely you can identify with at least one of those entities, if not all. Together as a conglomerate, they simply form the human experience. My experience. On the low, so many people’s experience, particularly in the pulpit and in the Church.
I invite you to begin your healing, whatever that may be. Or perhaps, you are taking my invitation to experience an anecdote about someone else’s healing. I don’t mean to give the story away, but I promise you, she makes it out alive and well. With God, all endings are good. Happy reading to you! Thank you for your openness and your support.
In His Will,
Sophia Sunshine Vilceus
For many women, living a secret life and engaging in a secret love is real life. And aside from how the world casts these women out or portray them in the sensationalized media, so many fragile, hurting, misplaced, and misguided women are desperately fighting to survive-- to survive their shame, their ache, and their loss of self as they love a man that they know, they should not. Where do these women go? Who do they confide in? Who covers them? The church dismisses them. Their loved ones marginalize them. And society berates them. This adds a whole new thick coating of pain and humiliation.
I speak on this because I know what it is like to have fallen in love with a man who wears a wedding band, while I do not. I speak on this because I know what it is like to be so isolated from every single loved one in my call log because the shame runs that deep and is that real. I speak on this because I know how insane it feels to constantly try to get out of a relationship that seems to have no end-point. I speak on this because I know that Jesus still saves. He still saves and preserves and uses and redeems the “mistresses”, and “the other woman”, and “her” because He did it for me.
“The Last Pew: Journeying Back to God’s Will After an Affair” is not a blame game. It’s not a story on the “bad guy” vs. “the good girl”, or vice versa. It’s an honest recount of confusion, love, mess, grace, sin, shame, backsliding, healing, circles, secrets, cycles, mercy, lust, emotions, healing, forgiveness, relationships, and closure. Though you may not identify with having an affair or your spouse having one, surely you can identify with at least one of those entities, if not all. Together as a conglomerate, they simply form the human experience. My experience. On the low, so many people’s experience, particularly in the pulpit and in the Church.
I invite you to begin your healing, whatever that may be. Or perhaps, you are taking my invitation to experience an anecdote about someone else’s healing. I don’t mean to give the story away, but I promise you, she makes it out alive and well. With God, all endings are good. Happy reading to you! Thank you for your openness and your support.
In His Will,
Sophia Sunshine Vilceus
August 21, 2015
"Resting While God Works"
By the time we have graduated to a more mature dimension in our faith, the nagging question in our minds shifts from “will God actually work this one out for me?” to “what does God want me to do as He works this out for me?” As we see more of God’s impeccable track record, it does become easier to trust His ultimate plan for our lives and circumstances. But in waiting for God’s plan to unfold, it can become quite easy to become impatient, uncomfortable, and anxious. Though we are called to live by faith and not by sight, sometimes we want to live by faith and sight. But our faith is just not design to work that way. Most of our spirit trusts that God is doing something on our behalf. But a deep part of us, the human part of us, wants to see exactly what He’s doing, how He’s doing it, and when His plan will be completed.
My beloved grandmother just turned 83 years of age. It is my honor to care for her in the capacity which I have been called to. On any given day, between juggling my own life’s demands, my busy career, my whirlwind thoughts, my own insecurities, and my real responsibilities, I am taking care of her matters. I carve out moments in my work day and night often times making calls to her senior agencies, doctors offices, refilling prescriptions, filling out forms, situating things with her home health aide, holding for long wait times for her insurance companies, managing her finances, paying her cable bills and making sure her emotional needs are met. My grandmother is always on my mind because I care for her that deeply. I am often working on her behalf in some form or fashion, many times, unbeknownst to her. Things get done for her. And because I love her, I don’t feel the need to ever express to her the great lengths I go through to actually get those things done for her. I just want her to rest as I work.
Well, recently in the midst of a hectic work day for me, my grandmother called me at my job. I had been back and forth between some unhelpful hotlines trying to resolve an important matter for her. I was overwhelmed and I was already running on Empty. My grandmother very intensely persisted to give me a rundown of all the people I needed to call, to resolve that matter. Little did she know, I had already spent hours trying to maneuver through getting this matter resolved for her. As she gave me her laundry list of all that I needed to tend to, I found myself getting more and more frustrated, annoyed, and irritated at her. In my mind, I was screaming “if you would just be still, you would know I already handled that!”
I couldn’t get too upset though, because I felt God tugging at me saying, “Sophia, you do that to me all the time.”
How many times have we earnestly prayed to God, giving Him a laundry list of all the matters that we need and want Him to tend to, only to not realize that He is already in the process of resolving those very issues? How many times do we fail to be still and just know that He is God? How many times do we allow the discomfort of our situation dismiss the fact that He is already orchestrating the solution? How many times do we call on God with our hands out to ask of Him, instead of having our hands up to thank Him?
We all get in those binds in life that are so severe, crucial, and time sensitive that we can’t help but remind God of our very pressing needs—I know because I am in one of those binds myself. But God needs no reminder. It is in those times where we feel uncertain, uncomfortable, and anxious, especially, that we need to be still and rest and be confident in the God that we serve. And when we begin to lose faith, let’s vow to lift up this prayer to Him:
Dear Heavenly Father,
I come to you humbly with thanks. Though there are so many moving parts in my life, I’m glad to know that You are a constant fixture in my life. Though I cannot see Your Hand, I’m grateful to know that Your hand is working to meet me at every one of my needs. Show me what You want me to do and who You want me to be as I wait patiently on You. Help my unbelief. I trust in You. I love you. In Jesus’ name we pray.
Amen.
My beloved grandmother just turned 83 years of age. It is my honor to care for her in the capacity which I have been called to. On any given day, between juggling my own life’s demands, my busy career, my whirlwind thoughts, my own insecurities, and my real responsibilities, I am taking care of her matters. I carve out moments in my work day and night often times making calls to her senior agencies, doctors offices, refilling prescriptions, filling out forms, situating things with her home health aide, holding for long wait times for her insurance companies, managing her finances, paying her cable bills and making sure her emotional needs are met. My grandmother is always on my mind because I care for her that deeply. I am often working on her behalf in some form or fashion, many times, unbeknownst to her. Things get done for her. And because I love her, I don’t feel the need to ever express to her the great lengths I go through to actually get those things done for her. I just want her to rest as I work.
Well, recently in the midst of a hectic work day for me, my grandmother called me at my job. I had been back and forth between some unhelpful hotlines trying to resolve an important matter for her. I was overwhelmed and I was already running on Empty. My grandmother very intensely persisted to give me a rundown of all the people I needed to call, to resolve that matter. Little did she know, I had already spent hours trying to maneuver through getting this matter resolved for her. As she gave me her laundry list of all that I needed to tend to, I found myself getting more and more frustrated, annoyed, and irritated at her. In my mind, I was screaming “if you would just be still, you would know I already handled that!”
I couldn’t get too upset though, because I felt God tugging at me saying, “Sophia, you do that to me all the time.”
How many times have we earnestly prayed to God, giving Him a laundry list of all the matters that we need and want Him to tend to, only to not realize that He is already in the process of resolving those very issues? How many times do we fail to be still and just know that He is God? How many times do we allow the discomfort of our situation dismiss the fact that He is already orchestrating the solution? How many times do we call on God with our hands out to ask of Him, instead of having our hands up to thank Him?
We all get in those binds in life that are so severe, crucial, and time sensitive that we can’t help but remind God of our very pressing needs—I know because I am in one of those binds myself. But God needs no reminder. It is in those times where we feel uncertain, uncomfortable, and anxious, especially, that we need to be still and rest and be confident in the God that we serve. And when we begin to lose faith, let’s vow to lift up this prayer to Him:
Dear Heavenly Father,
I come to you humbly with thanks. Though there are so many moving parts in my life, I’m glad to know that You are a constant fixture in my life. Though I cannot see Your Hand, I’m grateful to know that Your hand is working to meet me at every one of my needs. Show me what You want me to do and who You want me to be as I wait patiently on You. Help my unbelief. I trust in You. I love you. In Jesus’ name we pray.
Amen.
