Julie A. Fast's Blog, page 29

What is it really like to work when you have active bipolar disorder, psychosis and anxiety?

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I just sent out a newsletter. Here is what I experienced the entire time I was working:

1. Shortness of breath.

2. Felt like my heart was in my throat- literally- like a lump.

3. Dizziness

4. Worry

5. Guilt

6. Dread

7. Anger that I have to go through this CRAP

8. Lack of faith in what I was writing.

9. A great desire to simply quit what I was doing.

10. Zero belief I would reach my goal.

I have lived with this my entire life. It is my brain. I have a lot of mental health symptoms that simply show up when I work.

The secret is learning to work THROUGH them.

I sent that darn newsletter and it is beautiful. Who cares that I felt like I was dying while working on the project. I will keep going.

Julie

Related posts:
Bipolar Disorder and Work Anxiety
Bipolar Disorder and Work: I’m unsure what to do, but I will do something anyway!
Bipolar disorder anxiety and work!

Why Can’t I Just Take a Walk When I’m Depressed?

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I was recently asked why it’s so hard for us to get out of bed and just take a darn walk around the block when we are depressed. We KNOW we will feel better. Why can’t we do this, darn it!?

Here is my answer.

If your goal is to get out of bed and take a walk to feel better and get on with the day- the depressed brain will be overwhelmed and will often shut you down. Here is why.

When we are stable, we have NO idea how many steps go in to getting things done. We just do them.

The depressed brain is different. It breaks tasks into micro steps and gets easily overwhelmed. How many steps do you think are in the task you set for yourself in the morning to just take a darn walk to feel better? Without reading below, pick a number.

Here is how the depressed brain sees it:

1. Turn of alarm

2. Sit up

3. Put feel on the floor

4. Get out of bed

5. Go to the bathroom

6. Brush teeth

7. Wash face

8. Fix hair

9. Choose walking clothes

10. Put on walking shoes

11. Tie shoes

12. Walk into kitchen

13. Decide what to eat and drink

14. Prepare food and drink

15. Deicide where to walk

16. Decide how long to walk

17. Decide if I actually want to walk

18. Walk

19. If sweaty, take a shower

20. Put on another set of clothes

21. Fix hair

Get on with my day.

That is ridiculous if you think about it.

When depressed, we are not able to do the things that come naturally when we are stable. We don’t think about that list when we are well. We simply wake up, get ready and go walk.

The solution is to focus on the list and not the walking. When you do the first three things that it takes to actually get out of bed, praise yourself.

Good job! Today is one of ‘those days’ and getting out of bed is a big accomplishment.

Next, the bathroom stuff. Good job!

Next the clothes and shoes.

You get the idea.

To be honest- the walk is not the goal when you are depressed. The goal is to get to out your door so that walk can happen.

Then the walk is icing on the cake.

We can do this!

Julie

Related posts:
Bipolar Disorder and Exercise Ideas
Throw out your junky clothes Julie!
Set a time to exercise with a friend every week. Rain or shine.

Three Signs You are Manic

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1. Heightened artistic ability. The only way to know if this is mania is to compare your artistic ability to when you are stable. I NEVER draw when stable. I can barely do stick figures. The picture below definitely shows the manic brain at work.


 


2. You have ideas for big projects that you would normally find impossible. Stable people clean their rooms. When we are manic, we design a new organizing system for our room, go to the store and buy all of the supplies and then stay up all night building something that gives us a lot of pleasure. Everyone who sees this thinks, “What the heck is going on here? I have never seen her build anything in her life!”


 


3. Everything is sexual. Songs sound sexy. Men AND women look attractive. We really notice how people look. “Here hair is so shiny, I have to touch it!” “Look at those lips, I wonder what it would be like to kiss them?” And of course, the story of one of my manic episodes where I saw a man in Starbucks who had obviously just played a football match (soccer game) and I had the thought: “I’m going to get down on my hands and knees and LICK HIS CALVES!”


 


In the past, I would have given in to all of this EUPHORIC mania and fueled it with sex, booze and rock and roll. Now, I just prevent it.


 


I am MUCH happier.


 


What about you? When was your first manic or hypomanic episode? What did you think say or do?


 


Julie

 

 

Related posts:
No, just leave me alone bipolar disorder thoughts- I will not listen to you!
Watch out for Summer Mania! Do you know the first signs of your manic episodes?
It helps to find something you love to do with people you like to talk to…….

Seven Signs of Stable Kids

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We often talk about signs of mental health disorders in children. I want to start a conversation by listing the habits of stable kids so that we can truly see the difference between a child who is going through the terrible twos, growing pains and finding independence vs. the kids who do need help for mental health symptoms.

Seven Signs of Stable Kids

1. When you say, “You need to put that away now,” the child grumbles a bit, but puts the item away.

2. When you say, “We need to stop what we are doing and get ready for bed,” the child complains minorly and then does what you ask.

3. The child tests, but ultimately respects parental authority and understands that there is a difference between questioning authority and refusing to do as you ask out of defiance to all rules.

4. The child does not destroy property that matters to another person in order to get back at the person.

5. If the kid steals something, he or she is able to see that stealing is probably not the best idea and there are consequences.

6. The child experiments on an average with kids of a similar age. When you explain that something is dangerous, the child listens and changes over time.

7. When you explain your feelings, the child is able to slightly see your side of the story. They grow into more empathy as they age.

Stable kids will definitely get overwhelmed and have temper tantrums… but they will never throw themselves on the ground in public, flailing their arms and legs, screaming and yelling that you abuse them and then refuse to get up. They will not call the police on YOU.

Stable kids experiment with everything, but they tend to understand when something is not in their best interest overall.

Stable kids can get very upset, but eventually they self sooth and come down to dinner.

Julie

Julie A. Fast is the author of Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder, Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder and Get it Done When You’re Depressed. She writes for Bp Magazine for Bipolar, the Psychology Today blog and was the original consultant for the Claire Danes character on Homeland. Her next book, Hortensia and the Magical Brain: Poems for Kids with Bipolar, Anxiety, Depression and Psychosis is current on Kickstarter. The video is below.

Related posts:
Tips to Talk with Kids about Bipolar Disorder and Life in General
The Kickstarter for Hortensia and the Magical Brain is Live!
Yahoo Shine Article: Six Surprising Signs of Depression

Bipolar Strong

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There is a self that is separate from bipolar disorder. When you find yours, it stays with you even in the darkest moments. We are strong.

 

 

 

Related posts:
Selfie with my Nephew David
Guest Blogger Martin Baker on Bipolar Disorder and Creating Strong Friendships
Newsletter: Keep Your Friendships Strong! Focus on Facts- not BIPOLAR Disorder FEELINGS!

Guest Blogger: Update from Martin Baker on Bipolar Disorder and Friendship

High Tide, Low Tide: A Very Human Condition

by Martin Baker

Click here to read Martin’s first guest post on his book High Tide Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder. 

In my last post for Bipolar Happens,  I described how the book I wrote with my American best friend Fran Houston came about, and the four year journey that brought our dream to fruition. I’d like to thank Julie for inviting me back to talk about how our book is changing lives.

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“High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder” was published last September. Four months on, it is doing well and attracting positive reviews. We believe it has the potential to appeal not only to friends, but also partners, parents, and adult children keen to help those they love. Julie has also highlighted its relevance to siblings. “There is a great need in my work for such a book,” she wrote recently. “There is nothing out there for them.”

We’ve had interest from Mental Health First Aid instructors, and professional groups such as Online Events (www.onlinevents.co.uk) and The Counsellors Café (www.thecounsellorscafe.co.uk). A retired clinical psychologist with forty-five years’ experience wrote:

“All professional and pre-professional care-givers and those who suffer with illness can learn much from this collaborative memoir, and medical schools, graduate schools, hospitals, and other institutions that educate practitioners in the fields of health care would be wise to include it on reading lists.” (RZ)

One reader recommended it to his support worker, who bought it for his organisation’s resource library. Another is purchasing a copy for her therapist. Knowing our book is making a difference to people moves us profoundly.

“The vast range of emotions you will experience while reading this book might surprise you even if you have never experienced mental illness.” (MC)

“Anyone who has suffered from any form of depression, however minor, can relate to this book and will gain strength and reassurance that it is ok to feel the way they do.” (DB)

“The symptoms of mental illness can make it hard to maintain friendships; the stigma and shame around mental illness make it even harder. This book shows us that it’s okay to admit it’s hard, and it’s okay to struggle, but that it’s so worth it in the end.” (SL)

It might be surprising a book like ours has general appeal, but people find the strategies and approaches we describe directly relevant to their lives— even where no illness is involved.

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(Hi, It’s Julie. I really believe this book can help siblings who grew up with a brother or sister who has bipolar disorder. Sibling relationships are often like friendships.) 

“Not only are they [the authors] helping us to understand invisible illness, they are helping us learn in this world of technology and instant gratification that we can use technology to enhance and deepen the relationships we have currently in our lives.” (L)

“But what surprised me most about this book was not the elegant writing, or the brutal honesty of the subject matter, but the fact that not only could I relate to it, but that I found so much in it that touched me at a personal level. Fran and Marty’s story, as unique as it is, could be anyone’s story. There will be moments as you read this book where you will recognise yourself. Thankfully, the strategies, and painful lessons they learned can be applied to our own lives and our own relationships.” (AG)

Such responses confirm our belief that “High Tide, Low Tide” is not really about me and Fran, or even mental illness. It is about being there for someone, and accepting each other for who you are. Ultimately, it is not about medical conditions, it is about the human condition.

“High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder” is available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and selected booksellers.

Click here to view High Tide, Low Tide on Amazon in the US. 

Click here to view High Tide, Low Tide on Amazon in the UK. 

Click here to view the book on the Barnes and Noble website. 

 

About the Author

Living in the north-east of England, Martin Baker is an ASIST trained Mental Health First Aider and Time to Change Champion. A member of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, Mind, and Bipolar UK, he is primary caregiver and lifeline to his best friend and coauthor Fran Houston. Passionate about making invisible illness visible, Fran lives in Portland, Maine.

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Social Media

Martin’s Blog

Martin’s Facebook

Martin’s Twitter

Related posts:
Guest Blogger Martin Baker on Bipolar Disorder and Creating Strong Friendships
Embracing the Journey. Guest Blogger Martin (Marty) Baker: Author of Gum on My Shoe: One Step at a Time with My Bipolar Best Friend
Author, Speaker, Health Advocate Karen Tyrell: Guest Blogger Update!

The Kickstarter for Hortensia and the Magical Brain is Live!

Hortensia and the Magical Brain introduces a therapeutic poetry technique that helps parents, caregivers and health care professionals lovingly talk with a child and create an open and healthy conversation around early onset mental health disorders.  The poems cover the mean and nasty, scary and suicidal, angry and elated, sad and over the top thoughts and behaviors children with mental health concerns regularly experience.

Let’s shine a light on these NORMAL mental health symptoms and teach kids that they are often a result of brain chemicals that can be fixed though lifestyle changes and if needed, medical help.

This is a beautifully crafted, hard back book that was created for kids whose brains aren’t always on track. Just like mine!

Please visit our Hortensia Kickstarter page to read more about this amazing book.  Pledges start at $1 and everyone receives a fun reward as a thank you!

Julie 

Related posts:
Hortensia and the Magical Brain: I would love your help in finding a subtitle for my new book!
Bipolar Happens! is in the Top Ten of Bipolar Disorder Books on the Kindle!
Julie is currently answering questions live on Facebook

How to Say THANK YOU, NO THANK YOU when You Have Bipolar Disorder

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Julie, come to the concert with us! We have a box and I know you love the band! You will love it!


 


Thank you so much for thinking of me. I want to go and the stable me would LOVE to go. Unfortunately, the bipolar me, the one I dislike but have to live with every day simply can’t handle the big crowds. I get overstimulated and this can lead to so many symptoms I simply can’t have in my life right now. I am sad to miss this. I know you are going out to dinner first, and I can definitely join you for that part of the evening. Thank you very much for asking me!


 


Julie, I don’t see why it’s so hard for you to travel. You love it so much. We are just going for the weekend. It’s the coast and it will be fun. I will drive! Come with us! 


 


Thank you! I wish with all of my heart that the regular me you see in public is the me I have to sleep with at night. I can’t and don’t want you to have to understand what I go through to be honest- it sucks, but I can say that as much as I want to go with you, I want to be stable more. I have to give up so much so that I can be the friend and family member I want to be. Please send me a video. In fact, a video chat would be amazing. I feel sad I have to miss this. I feel that I miss out on a lot of things, but I can say that I’m healthier than I have ever been since I’ve been really watching my triggers. Travel at this time is too much for me. I hope you have fun!!!


***

It’s all about trigger management when you have bipolar disorder. 

 


It’s hard for people who don’t have bipolar disorder to understand that FUN things can make us sick. Triggers are ANYTHING that causes mood swings. There is no positive or negative to a trigger. It’s just a trigger!


 


Learning to say no in a way that also educates people about how you take care of yourself really makes a difference. People know to keep asking you- because maybe you can go in the future, but they also get to see that you are committed to staying stable so that you can maintain the relationship!


 


Woo! hoo!


 


OK. My Kickstarter for Hortensia and the Magical Brain: Poems for Kids with Bipolar, Anxiety, Psychosis and Depression is February 9th. I am writing this on all posts now so that I will have all of you to make sure I make this deadline. I am nervous. Announcements are coming soon. Please check my Julie A. Fast Facebook page for more details. 


 


Julie

Related posts:
How I Manage Bipolar Disorder Triggers… and how you can manage them too!
Podcast: reader question – I need help for my son when I travel…
Bipolar Disorder and Triggers- watch out because they are sneaky!

Guest Blogger Andrew Turman: How I manage my rapid cycling bipolar disorder

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by Andrew Turman




I have a form of bipolar disorder that is rapid cycling. I can go from being depressed to being manic in a matter of hours. Early on in the onset of my illness, I was depressed more than I was manic. That is not to say that I did not become manic; rather, it was not as intense and did not last as long. However, these days, since I turned 35 or so, mania has become the predominant problem. Again, I do get depressed, but it is not as crippling as I have previously experienced. At its peak, my illness caused me to cycle every other week. One week up, then one down, then back up for a week, then back down, for periods of months at a time. This type of cycling can be exhausting, not only for me but for the people around me.

Up until a few years ago, I was not taking my mental health seriously. I would actually fuel the manias, and try to maintain an emotional temperature of 7-7.5 as much as I could. The problem was, at that level, I was often unable to remain there, and I cycled up to 8, 9, and 10. That is when it became necessary to go to the hospital to treat the ultra-manic and psychotic symptoms. I was a danger to myself and others, including my family, my ex-wife and son.

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Now, I work hard to counter the effects of my brain chemical imbalance. I no longer drink a lot of alcohol or smoke that much pot. I have tried to limit my caffeine intake, and cut back on how much I smoke cigarettes. I am trying to keep a sleep schedule. This has proven to be the most difficult of all. When I start to cycle up, I have a decreased need and want of sleep. My mind is buzzing, and I have so much to do, the drive to create is overwhelming. When hypomanic, I am a prolific writer and artist, although I rarely finish any of the numerous projects I start.

My current wife is the best barometer of my emotional temperature. She recognizes the behavioral symptoms and can identify the trigger events which are the antecedents to my becoming ill. When she points them out, I often discount what she is saying to me, label her as “pissing on my parade,” and often act out even more. I am trying to get better about trusting her judgment, as mine is skewed most of the time.

A discussion we had recently is actually quite telling. We were talking about perceptions of reality, and I stated that I seemed to experience three separate realities—one manic, one depressed, and one thin sliver of “true reality.” She countered that the three are actually one. Instead of three separate realities, distinct from one another, they are all entangled with one another. She stated that it would be possible to be creative while in the normal and depressive mood states. It would take work, she assured, but it was possible.

Together, we came up with the following strategy: When I am manic, I come up with a lot of painting titles (which would also make great names for a punk rock band!). Instead of the numerous lists I had, I now write them in a blank journal, two to a page, leaving space to take down any ideas, in written notes or quick sketches. This also gives me space to document who I have given the painting to, or who commissioned me to do it. Now, I am organized and I can remember my manic visions of what my art should be. When less manic, I am more able to concentrate my artistic skills on a better product, instead of the visual vomit that is often the result of my manic episodes. Brilliant! A little bit of organization and work, with long-lasting benefits.

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Together, my wife and I can brainstorm for other creative solutions. The real point here, is that I must listen to my wife when calls me on my manic symptoms, and try to de-escalate my mood as I know I can, before it gets out of control. I will always experience the highs and lows, but how far they go, up or down, is basically my decision. I have taken responsibility of my moods. It doesn’t always mean that I make the right choices, but at least I am confident in the fact that my illness is not in control of me, I am in control of it.



Wm. Andrew Turman

Zen Daddy T

Writer, Artist, Mental Health Advocate





















W.A. Turman was an “Army Brat,” and that explains a lot. Man of no accent, but also of every accident. Life has not always been easy for the artist and writer we affectionally call “Zen Daddy T.” A gonzo journalist along the lines of Hunter S. Thompson, an artist well-versed in the school of Ralph Steadman, including favoring beers from the Flying Dog Brewery, Andrew is an acquired taste. His abstract expressionist works bleed protest and contentment. His recent series, “Art for Airports” has drawn critical acclaim.

Related posts:
Reader Question: Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder
Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder
Reader Comment on Rapid Cycling post…

I Treat Bipolar First: Keep Calm and Turn it All Off

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If the marching and events that happened in the United States today and around the world are too stressful for your bipolar disorder to the point they can affect your sleep, it is ok to turn of the computer- turn off the social media- turn of the Facebook and Twitter and TV and…



– read a mystery novel.


– go to a movie.


– talk with a friend.


– take a nice bath.


– play with an animal.


– if you are lucky enough to have this option, put some loving hanky panky in your life.


 


I treat bipolar disorder first. If I read what is on Facebook right now, I will get upset. It’s ok that I don’t march. I love it that others can do it for me. It’s ok that I’m not political online, my friends and family know my beliefs.


 


My concern is the mental health of those of us who have an illness that is triggered by stress.


 


I take care of myself first. Good night social media. I will see you tomorrow. And I will be stable.


 


Join me?


 


Julie


 


PS: All it takes is turing off the device and moving on to something more conducive to stability.

Related posts:
Post Election Emotions: Treat Bipolar Disorder First
Newsletter: Debate night tips for staying calm and nice!
Bipolar Disorder and Staying Stable During a World Crisis