Steve B. Howard's Blog, page 162

Stay and Fish With Me (Though I Know You Can’t)

Steve B Howard 2018

I don’t know why
I want you to stay
when I know you can’t.

It’s just your presence here
I guess, something to hold on to
though it rapidly fades.

You always said, “I’m a worrier”
and I know being the source
of so much sorrow in the room
would break you to tears.

But as I hold your roughened
laborer’s hand through the
final rasps and rattles from your lungs
you are not my father.

No, today you are my daddy and I
I am four years old again
on the pier in Hansville.
The triangular shaped flounder with
the spotted root beer colored body
flops and gasps against the white concrete.

And your arms surround me as you steady
the fishing pole and say, “Good job, little man.
Great job, pumpkin.” And I feel as if I’ve
done something great.

This small accomplishment so huge
in my heart connects me to you much
deeper than the simple moment among
the herring scales, screeching gulls, and
biting salty breeze.

Piscary, a funny thing to bond
over I suppose, but it was the measure
of our love until the very end.

Stay and Fish With Me (Though I Know You Can’t) was originally published in P.S. I Love You on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The Brother I’ll Never Know

Photo by Preben Nilsen on Unsplash

He never had a name. At least not one you knew of before you left Viet Nam. When the story of your son came up the only names that were mentioned were the derogatory ones she called you in English and Vietnamese when you told her you were being shipped home and she wasn’t coming with you.
“Da Nang got overrun in ’65 a year after I left. Probably didn’t survive anyway,” you always said. Sentiment for that year was stubbed out long ago the like burned cigarettes that overflowed your ashtray.

war is for action
consequences and regret
are for death beds

Hi Petar, thanks for reading my stuff and commenting.

Hi Petar, thanks for reading my stuff and commenting. I haven’t had much luck with Yours or Steemit. On Steemit you pretty much have to buy upvotes and on both of them unless you write about ways to get rich using crypto-currency nobody pays much attention. I pretty much focus on Medium now and only occasionally post stuff on Steemit and Yours. Hope you have better luck though.

The Draft and a Delayed Death: Patriotism

Steve B Howard 2018“Son, don’t piss your life away fighting some goddamn war in some fucking jungle for a country that doesn’t give a shit. Go to Canada if you have to.”

The Draft and a Delayed Death: Patriotism was originally published in SNAPSHOTS on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The Words of an Ax Murdering Guru

Steve B Howard 2018

I read your words and fell down an elevator shaft. Bliss is false, spiritually ecstasy an illusion, all those things thought to bring me closer to the One all flickering illusions, dust on the Buddha’s eyelashes. I read your words in “Emptiness Dancing” thinking, “Yes,” the Kundalini described, but you were a Zen ax murderer like the Bodhidharma, cutting out all that rang false. Spiritual addiction is no better than drug addiction you said, making me feel the junkie guilt. Just sit, just be, just surrender, you said and you will fall into the Mystery and stare at the universe with the wisdom of a new born. Okay Master, no more words. I have shelved my books, silenced the mantras, laid aside all concepts, and now I wait in a puddle of confusion. My dedication dies in humid temple corridors on Mt. Koya.

find me a wall to
stare at unblinking until
all my limbs rot away

The Words of an Ax Murdering Guru was originally published in The Junction on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

That’s a great idea.

That’s a great idea. I considered using kickstarter to fund my self-published novel, but was able to use the money I’ve earned from Medium instead. At least so far.

Perfect description, lol.

Perfect description, lol.

Haiku #0

Photo by Marius Christensen on Unsplash

cicadas dying
salary man’s envy
forty more summers

Haiku #0 was originally published in P.S. I Love You on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Hope they do one for Homo Deus too. Looking forward to listing to this one.

Hope they do one for Homo Deus too. Looking forward to listing to this one.

Been there many times, lol.

Been there many times, lol.