Steve B. Howard's Blog, page 159
August 6, 2018
Aug 6th-Aug 9th
Steve B Howard 2018I thought I’d be used to it after
15 years, the angry stares that
hold a little longer on those days.
Even though those old enough
to have lived it are almost gone
TV keeps it alive for the young.
I want to say,
“The decision was Truman’s 35
years before I was born. Maybe I
would have found a different way.”
But I don’t say anything. Just bury
my face deeper in my smartphone.
There’s no half-life on that kind of
pain.
Aug 6th-Aug 9th was originally published in Publishous on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
The Creative Spark is Only the Start
Photo by Jonas Kaiser on UnsplashFLASH! That little singularity of inspiration Big Bangs its way into reality. A tidal wave across the synapses at 2 AM just when you thought you’d be spooning Morpheus your creativity dealing meth-muse kicks in the front door and says,
“Not tonight baby. Brew the morning coffee now, cuz we’re surfing this flash fire whether you like it or not.”
Photo by Tyler Nix on UnsplashAnd that’s the easy part, a sleepless night riding that potential across your nitro imagination’s light speed neuron samba. Then early in the morning rubbing tired eyes and trying to hover the cobwebs out of your brain there sits before you the dead open space of all that night’s former potentiality in the form of a corpse white blank page.
You know what comes next, a still born kiss off to your muse or the jack hammers, scaffolding, concrete mixers, the pounding, thrashing, scraping, hands in the air despair job site jitters, until bloody fingers cradle this far distant mutant relative of that Big Bang flash that slapped you into insomnia the night before.
“person lying on bed” by elizabeth lies on UnsplashThen it’s all about dusting off the ruble and seeing only lead. Four revisions in and you curse that flash, you curse the twisted mutant it’s become, and curse a universe that turned an arson loose on your brain and soul with so much hope and then dumped you so low in self-doubt that you would gladly take Abraham’s attempted murder all the way with this bastard mutant flash.
The parental instincts won’t let you off the hook so easy though. That little flash that cinched your heart and sucked itself out of your chest and into a life on the page has your eyes, has your spirit, has your tongue, your need to speak. And it is a turbo charged thoroughbred cheetah that is smashing the starting blocks to pieces in it’s desire to run. And you will let it. Let it run before the billions of indifferent cyber-eyes who click past disdainfully to the next Beiber toothpaste ad until your tired and sad mutant flash returns to your lap and stares up at you with pleading dismay and asks,
“Why didn’t they notice?”
Helping each other write better.
The Creative Spark is Only the Start was originally published in The Writing Cooperative on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
August 4, 2018
The Sociopath’s False Path to Enlightenment
“A man with long gray hair sits on a couch against a black background” by joyce huis on UnsplashSociopath claims guruhood
then when caught with his pants
around his ankles
attempts to justify with the
“Crazy Wisdom”
and a Tantric Sex clause.
Iwas your fool for seven years, but
no longer. Take your fake offers of
shaktipat and keys to the Lokas and
slither back into the hole to came from
you cheap ass second rate spiritual used
car dealer. Horse shit dressed up in
esoteric gibberish and the false wisdom
of ancients that hadn’t even figured out
toilet paper yet is still just
The Sociopath’s False Path to Enlightenment was originally published in The Junction on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
August Monthly Promo Post
“A man in a t-shirt surfing down a swirling wave” by Jeremy Bishop on UnsplashIt’s that time again when I throw a bunch of annoying sns links up on my page in the hopes that some of you might find your way to my other sites. If you do please follow me and I will follow you back. Also, there are links to my books, so please check those out as well.Author’s PagesBlogsMy BooksSocial Networking SitesPodcast and Stand Up Comedy
August 3, 2018
Very inspiring! Makes me want to write a lot more. I hope your success continues.
Very inspiring! Makes me want to write a lot more. I hope your success continues.
The Fear of Obscurity
“Silhouette of a person with an umbrella walking in the rain during night-time in Melbourne” by Mike Wilson on UnsplashIt’s not the rocket ride up Jacob’s Ladder
that does it. Nor is it the lunar landing
on the surface of accomplishment that
puts your ass in the chair and makes your
fingers fly across the keyboard.
The pressure is your recharge button. The broken
spear tip between the ribs needling your heart
with all the things you have to get out of your
mind and on to the page. That’s the real muse,
the terror that someday all that will be left
is the question
“Steve who?”
The Fear of Obscurity was originally published in P.S. I Love You on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
Fishing for Freedom and Catching Hell
“Black and white shot of crooked jetty in lake water with mist” by Hoach Le Dinh on UnsplashI can feel the sun baking my skin. They call this the “white city” because of all the industrial gray buildings and white concrete, but there is enough asphalt cutting through Nagoya to fry a million eggs this summer.
If I were a hawk, I’d catch a thermal and ride it north all the way to the cool mountains. But I’m just a middle-aged loser living in a broken tent in the middle of this city park until the cops show up.
I’ve moved twice already to escape the scorching sunlight. I hear Ando before I see him coming up the dirt path between the cedar and bamboo trees. His old bike creaks through its rusty chain and the huge garbage bag of cans rattle and crash each time he hits a rut.
“Following the river trail to the smelter?” I ask as he pulls up.
“Thought I could beat the sun today, but this damn hangover is slowing me down.”
“You’ll be cooked by the time you get there.”
“Probably. Got a cigarette?”
“Sure.”
I dig out one of the longer butts I saved from the night before and hand it to him. He lights it with a neon green plastic lighter. We sit smoking quietly for a while. I can feel the sunlight driving the shade away again and I start looking for a new seat.
“Kimura-san, when do you have to go in?”
I don’t want to answer him, but I say, “Three days from now.”
He’s talking about my blown suspended sentence. I got busted three years ago for breaking into abandoned houses and stealing things I could sell at the antique and flea market at the open air market near the temple. I was six months away from just doing probation, but I got busted three months ago for catching and eating carp from the castle moat in the park. I’ll get five years for sure this time.
“Well, Kimura-san, good luck to you,” he says before peddling off.
I slap a mosquito on my arm and move to a bench under some tall thick trees. It will stay shady here for a couple of hours.
No way I’m doing five years in prison for a few stinking carp I caught to keep from starving to death. My backpack is already to go. I’ll night flight it south tonight to Kyushu on a slow train to save money. I can get a scab job on a Korean freighter out of Japan in Nagasaki or Fukuoka. My Korean is good enough for that. Live on the ocean until I get a stake big enough to buy a new identity in Thailand or Laos. I’ll cheap among the whores and drunks. I’m not going back to prison for a damn fish.
Fishing for Freedom and Catching Hell was originally published in Lit Up on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
Atheist is more to my liking these days actually.
Atheist is more to my liking these days actually. I still meditate for the health benefits, but I’m not much or a believer anymore.
August 1, 2018
Yes, lol. Pastafarianism is the way!
Yes, lol. Pastafarianism is the way!
That might work! What is the sound of two facepalms clapping?
That might work! What is the sound of two facepalms clapping?
