The Words of an Ax Murdering Guru

Steve B Howard 2018

I read your words and fell down an elevator shaft. Bliss is false, spiritually ecstasy an illusion, all those things thought to bring me closer to the One all flickering illusions, dust on the Buddha’s eyelashes. I read your words in “Emptiness Dancing” thinking, “Yes,” the Kundalini described, but you were a Zen ax murderer like the Bodhidharma, cutting out all that rang false. Spiritual addiction is no better than drug addiction you said, making me feel the junkie guilt. Just sit, just be, just surrender, you said and you will fall into the Mystery and stare at the universe with the wisdom of a new born. Okay Master, no more words. I have shelved my books, silenced the mantras, laid aside all concepts, and now I wait in a puddle of confusion. My dedication dies in humid temple corridors on Mt. Koya.

find me a wall to
stare at unblinking until
all my limbs rot away

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